Alexmcmillan, Author at Hard Drive

Marvel Snap Currency: How To Use Credits, Boosters, And More

Posted on October 24, 2022 by Michael Katz

Marvel Snap is the new rapid-fire card game from former Hearthstone developer Ben Brode for mobile and PC. It already feels similar to the good old days of early Hearthstone. Flashy cards, wacky effects, and plenty of stuff to collect. Marvel Snap is different in a few key ways, however. One of them: there are lots and lots of currencies and bars that jump up and down rapidly. At a glance, it’s a bit much. Here’s how to use currencies like credits and boosters, and cut through the chaos of mobile monetization.

Marvel Snap Currencies: Credits, Boosters, Gold

Credits: The blue thingies. These are the time-limited freemium currency. They’re used to upgrade the cards you own, giving them a bit of cosmetic flair. More importantly, every time you upgrade your cards with credits, your Collection Level increases, which is how you unlock most new cards. The core progression loop is to continually upgrade your cards, unlocking new ones, then upgrade the new ones too.

Boosters: The atom-looking thingies, displayed in green. These are the easiest currency to get: after every game, one of the cards in your deck gets a bunch for free. It’s also possible to win these as rewards for progression. Grey boosters apply to one of your cards at random, and named boosters apply to the named character specifically. Each named character uses their own pool of boosters. It’s possible to unlock variant artworks of some cards. These need to be upgraded separately from the original, but they draw upon the same pool.

In Marvel Snap, upgrading a card takes both credits and per-character boosters. The progression looks like this:

Common: White border.
Uncommon: Green border, artwork extends past the border. Costs 25 credits and 5 boosters. Provides 1 Collection Level.
Rare: Blue border, artwork gains a 3D effect (it’s easier to see on mobile). Costs 100 credits and 10 boosters. Provides 2 Collection Level.
Epic: Purple border, artwork effects become slightly animated. Costs 200 credits and 20 boosters. Provides 4 Collection Level.
Legendary: Orange border, the card’s logo shines. Costs 300 credits and 30 boosters. Provides 6 Collection Level.
Ultra: A new animated border. Costs 400 credits and 40 boosters. Provides 8 Collection Level.
Infinity: Splits the card into two copies, and gives the original a new visual effect. Costs 500 credits and 50 boosters. Provides 10 Collection Level.

There are two possible credit-spending paths. One is to focus your upgrades on the cards you like and use the most, making them prettier. This will drain your credits rapidly, but later upgrades are worth a few extra Collection Levels to compensate.

If you want more cards, though (and you do), the most efficient strategy is to upgrade lower-quality cards first. Common to Uncommon gives you 1 Collection Level for 25 credits. Uncommon to Rare gives you 2 Collection Level for 100 credits – that’s 1 for 50, only half as valuable as upgrading from Common. The other high-quality upgrades have the same value. In other words, upgrading all your Common cards is the most efficient way to raise your Collection Level and get more stuff.

An alternate use for credits is the Fast Upgrade in the shop. This lets you spend extra credits to get the last few boosters you might need to upgrade a card right away. Never use Fast Upgrade. Boosters are free and you get them after every match. Credits replenish slowly: as mission rewards every couple of hours, or 50 freebies from the shop every half day. It makes no sense to spend slow, limited currency on fast, free currency.

Gold: I don’t need to tell you what color this is. It’s the premium stuff, purchased from the shop at the usual confusing mobile game conversion rates (2600 gold bars for just $34.99!). Gold can buy credits or refill missions instantly, which is like buying more credits. Credits come freely to those who wait, however, so spending cash on them is a bit wasteful. Instead, use Gold to buy Variants, the cheapest costing 700 bars. It’s like having a new skin for your favorite card, and a new Variant can be upgraded quickly for some easy Collection Level.

Money: Real money, used to pay the bills. Money is used to buy Gold (for Variants or quick credits), but it’s also the only way to get the Premium Season Pass. The current season pass has a bunch of credits and boosters in it for free players, but spending $9.99 on the Premium is currently the only way to get several unique cards. That’s a big deal for collectors, as well as people who want to stay on top of the meta. Almost all cards in the game can be earned for free through Collection Level, but if the Premium Pass locks players out from more and more cards each Season, the game will get nasty real quick.

Marvel Snap Experience: Collection Level, Season Pass Level

marvel snap miles morales season pass — The first Season Pass.

The experience meters throughout Marvel Snap also tie into credits, boosters, and general progression. Here’s a brief overview.

Collection Level: The green number below your avatar. It raises as you upgrade your cards, as detailed above. This is the main way players get new cards, a new one unlocking every 6 levels (a little longer after the first 200 levels). It also includes a regular infusion of credits and boosters, as well as some stranger prizes far, far above.

Season Pass Level: The purple bar to the left of your avatar. It rewards a mix of credits and boosters along with a bit of gold (important, since gold is usually cash-only). It’s also where new seasonal cards appear, but only with the $9.99 pass. Leveling the season pass is quick enough, at least, requiring seasonal missions that come in large, permanently active weekly groups. Worth doing for the gold, premium or no.

Season Ranked Level: The medal to the right of the “Play” button. During Marvel Snap, players are able to wager “cubes”. This is where they end up: the equivalent of player rank in Hearthstone. Ten cubes equals one level, and ten levels equals a new reward, granted instantly. Some of these rewards are unique season prizes. Currently, there’s an avatar at rank 40 and a card back at 100. There are also a bunch of credits and boosters to claim, along with a pile of gold at rank 90. The “wager”, however, is that your rank drops just as easily as it rises. If you want to prove your true skill, this is the number to watch. Some of it will carry over between seasons, too, so performing well will net you rewards both now and later.

There’s one other bar-going-up worth mention. On mobile, accessed through the News page, there’s something called “Symbiote Invasion Event”, which is different from the “Symbiote Invasion” season pass. This event automatically assigns players to the Venom or Carnage team, then lets them support their team by winning games. There are no listed rewards besides the mention of a pixel avatar. I couldn’t find the event from the Steam version of the game. If you’re invested, it’s worth checking mobile to see if you’ve missed anything.

Iraq War-Themed ‘Call of Duty’ Depicts 9/11 in Opening Sequence for No Reason

Posted on October 24, 2022 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

MIDDLETON, Wisc. — A new leak from within Activision revealed today that the upcoming Call of Duty game set in the Iraq War will feature an opening sequence showing the events of 9/11 for no reason.

“Because the Iraq War is so fresh in everyone’s minds, Raven Software wants the game to be as accurate as possible. The opening sequence will be a beat-for-beat recreation of 9/11 to get the player hyped up, angry, and ready to kill a bunch of enemy soldiers in Iraq, even though they had nothing to do with the attacks,” said the leaker. “And they spent a LOT of resources getting the 9/11 opening accurate, because if that’s not exactly one-to-one, then what’s even the point? If you can’t see the sweat dripping off the forehead of the Falling Man, then how are you gonna convince the player to go murder a bunch of completely unrelated people?”

Following the leak, another leaker came forward — this time a play-tester — who claimed to have firsthand experience trying out the upcoming Call of Duty game.

“I actually played through that opening sequence a bunch while playtesting. Yes, I said played; it’s not a cutscene,” explained the second leaker. “You just walk around in the streets of Manhattan while it’s going on, and you can’t do anything except move and press a button to say ‘oh my god,’ to yourself. Honestly, I really hate missions where you don’t have weapons and I hate timed missions where you just die in the end, like a worse version of those Mary Jane levels in the Spider-Man games. But I have to admit, the hard cut from a cloud of debris rushing over my character’s face in NYC to first-person view as an 18-year-old soldier in a helicopter… that was really gripping.”

“The title card pops up, and normally that’s where it would say the location of where you’re headed, but this game doesn’t do that,” the leaker continued. “Because it doesn’t matter where you’re headed. All that matters is that you’re gonna kill a buncha guys and everyone back home is gonna call you a hero. That’s why the game is called Call of Duty; because you’re being called to serve your duty. And you don’t need to worry about what that duty is. Sorry, I really liked the game, is what I’m trying to say!”

At press time, Activision confirmed that the next Call of Duty would be a live-service game, calling it the series’ first “forever war game.”

Marvel Snap: 5 Beginner’s Tips To Rank Up

Posted on October 24, 2022 by Paulo Kawanishi

If you are looking for some beginner’s tips to improve and climb ranks in Marvel Snap, we’ve got you covered. In this new card game based on Marvel’s Multiverse, players face each other in fast-paced battles which can become quite challenging considering the game’s specific mechanics. There are, on the other hand, if you’re not familiar with card games, some good habits you can learn that will help you to easily win matches. Here are 5 tips for newcomers in Marvel Snap to improve your game.

Marvel Snap Beginner Tips: Learn Your cards and Practice Combos

While Marvel Snap is pretty easy for new players to grasp its rules and mechanics, any card game has different cards, each with specific characteristics. Besides learning how much energy a card costs or how many power points it has, it’s important to understand if it has a special ability and how it works. Whether it’s an Ongoing or an On Reveal ability, paying attention to this is important to avoid using a card at the wrong moment.

Once you’ve learned well what your cards do, go for matches to practice your combos. Considering some of Marvel Snap’s fundamental mechanics such as revealing order and Locations, practicing which card you should put on the field first or how specific locations affect your combos is an important initial step in your path to winning matches.

When Should I Snap in Marvel Snap?

You probably saw this one coming since the game is called Marvel Snap. And timing a good snap is something you need to think about. Whenever a player snaps, pressing the floating cube at the top of the screen, the number of rank points at stake is increased. While without snapping you can earn two rank points, if both players snap, this number can go up to eight rank points.

Snap can be helpful if used in a good moment. Study your hand as well as the cards on your hand. Check what are the chances of your opponent using an extremely powerful card. If you consider the odds are positive, don’t fret and snap! Even if the other player retreats, you earn one rank point. So, know when to snap to climb the ranks faster!

Marvel Snap Beginner Tips: Use Locations in your Favor

A specific feature of every match in Marvel Snap is the locations. The field is divided into three and each is affected by a different location. They can go from a regular scenario with no effects to, for example, Kamar-Taj which activates On Reveal effects twice.

Since you can’t control what are the locations that are going to appear in your match, it’s almost impossible to prepare yourself for all of them. However, read carefully what each of them does and try to take the most out of them. For instance, with the Gamma Lab as one of the locations in your game, place as many cards as you can in it so all of them will become Hulk cards after the third turn.

A different strategy you can employ is to force, for example, your opponent to respond to one of your cards in a specific location. The Danger Room location has a 25% chance of destroying the card you put in this location. If you force the other player to compete for this specific location, you’re going to put them in a dangerous position where they must risking losing a card.

High Power Doesn’t Mean a Card is Strong in Marvel Snap

In Marvel Snap, every card has a number for Power which is extremely important considering that you need to have a higher Power number in a location to win it. Because of that, a new player might see some of the initial cards, such as Hulk and Abomination, as their best cards. Both of them have the highest Power number among the first cards you get in the game. However, this is a far cry from the truth.

While Hulk has 12 of Power, this card will also cost you 6 points of Energy to be played. In other words, you can only play it at the last turn in most cases. To depend solely on only one card is too risky. You may be able to use Hulk in your previous turn and win that location, but what about the other two?

Besides that, Hulk has no On Reveal or Ongoing skill. On the other hand, lower-Power cards, such as the Ant-man, Quicksilver, and Hawkeye allow you to begin putting pressure right at the beginning of the game, making them quite powerful if used correctly.

Be Aware of Your Opponent’s Hand In Marvel Snap

Part of the process of learning all the previous steps is to pay a lot of attention to your own hand. You are going to focus so much energy on knowing your cards, reading Locations, and thinking about the revealing order that you eventually forget that you are playing against another person who also has cards in their hands.

While playing Marvel Snap – or any other card game –, it’s essential to study your opponent’s fields, see what cards they have used so far, and what might be their strategy. After knowing most of the available cards that players on your level have. you shouldn’t lose sight of what your opponent can do. Otherwise, you can forget that they, just like you, may have a Spectrum or an Odin card for example, which can completely change the game and make you lose the match.

Now, take these beginner’s tips for Marvel Snap and go make your way through the game’s ranks!

Vampire Survivors Weapon Evolution: How to Evolve All Weapons

Posted on October 24, 2022 by Damiano Gerli

Vampire Survivors is definitely one of this year’s cult hits. The game started from a free action RPG on Android and Itch, then went on to become the third most positively rated game on Steam ever. What a journey! As the game is all about trying to stay alive while bigger and badder waves of enemies attack, you would want to be armed as best as possible. So, here is a handy Vampire Survivors weapon evolution guide.

First, let’s go over what this means: evolved weapons are the most efficient form of a weapon, basically. To evolve them, we’ll have to max out a weapon, while also maxing out the connected passive item (Survivors usually suggests which one to pick up). After that, we’ll have to kill an elite enemy and open the chest that appears: the prize will be the evolved weapon in question. Careful planning from the beginning of the run is, thus, required to successfully have the best version possible of our weapons.

It is worth noting that, potentially, one of the items connected to the evolution of our weapon could not be very useful for our run. There is an interesting game of balance at play: will you risk picking up a lesser item to, later, evolve a weapon to its stronger version? Or, will you stick to picking the most useful items for your run? Let’s get down to business and talk about everything Vampire Survivors weapon evolution.

Vampire Survivors Weapon Evolution: Weapon & Passive Item Combos

Here are all the combinations to evolve the weapons in Vampire Survivors:

Base Weapon	Passive Item / Second Weapon	Evolution
Whip	Hollow Heart	Bloody Tear
Garlic	Pummarola	Soul Eater
Runetracer	Armor	NO FUTURE
Shadow Pinion	Wings	Valkyrie Turner
Fire Wand	Spinach	Hellfire
Knife	Bracer	Thousand Edge
King Bible	Spellbinder	Unholy Vespers
Axe	Candelabrador	Death Spiral
Magic Wand	Empty Tome	Holy Wand
Lightning Ring	Duplicator	Thunder Loop
Santa Water	Attractorb	La Borra
Pentagram	Crown	Gorgeous Moon
Gatti Amari	Stone Mask	Vicious Hunger
Song of Mana	Skull O’Maniac	Mannajja
Vento Sacro	Bloody Tear	Fuwalafuwaloo
Peachone	Ebony Wings	Vandalier
Phiera der Tuphello	Eight the Sparrow	Phieraggi
Clock Lancet	Silver Ring + Gold Ring	Infinite Corridor
Flames of Misspell	Torrona’s Box	Ashes of Muspell
Metaglio Left + Metaglio Right	Laurel	Crimson Shroud
Victory Sword	Torrona’s Box	Sole Solution

We hope these evolutions can contribute significantly to your trying to stay alive while fighting endless waves of enemies! We’ll be sure to update the guide as more evolutions will be added to the game.

CoD Modern Warfare 2 (2022): Campaign Rewards, Achievements

Posted on October 24, 2022 by Daniel Solomon

You’d be forgiven for thinking you’d woken up at some ill-defined point in the past, seeing all this news about Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 again. But no, it’s not 2009, and nor are we here to talk about the 2020 remaster of the 2009 game either. There’s a third, other CoD: Modern Warfare 2, with a new campaign and multiplayer, in a move sure to infuriate both search engines and people searching for any of these three titles the world over. I mean, there are so many other available combinations of words. It’s just barmy.

Anyway, the latest game called Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is now partially out for players who have coughed up their cash ahead of the full launch on 28 October, and we’ve taken stock of everything that you can unlock or, uh, achieve in the campaign so far. Some of this will be handy when the full suite of modes is out too, so if you have 5 or so hours between now and the end of the week, you can blast through the single player here quite quickly and set yourself up for when the floodgates open.

Let’s get into campaign rewards, achievements, and where to find those damn safes in Modern Warfare 2.

CoD Modern Warfare 2 Campaign Rewards

You’ll get something or other for beating each of Modern Warfare 2’s 17 campaign missions, all of which are usable in the forthcoming multiplayer and special ops modes, as well as Warzone 2 when that launches in November. Here’s everything that you can unlock in a handy little table:

No.	Mission name	Reward
1	Strike	Calling Card: “Soap’s Determination”
2	Kill or Capture	Emblem: “What’s Done is Done”
3	Wetwork	30 Minute Double XP Token
4	Tradecraft	30 Minute Double Weapon XP Token
5	Borderline	Calling Card: “Chainlinked”
6	Cartel Protection	Base Operator: Chuy
7	Close Air	30 Minute Double XP Token
8	Hardpoint	30 Minute Double Weapon XP Token
9	Recon by Fire	Calling Card: “Gaz”
10	Violence and Timing	Base Operator: Nova
11	El Sin Nombre	1 Hour Double XP Token
12	Dark Water	1 Hour Double Weapon XP Token
13	Alone	Calling Card: Shadow Company Ops
14	Prison Break	Base Operator: Reyes
15	Hindsight	1 Hour Double XP Token
16	Ghost Team	Base Operator: Hutch
17	Countdown	Union Guard Assault Rifle

The Union Guard Assault Rifle is a blueprint fashioned after Captain’s Price trademark gun, and is equipped with the Aim OP-V4 Reflex Optic, SZ 1MW PEQ Laser, FSS Covert V Silencer on the Muzzle, and the Lockgrip Pricision-40 Underbarrel Vertical Grip attachments.

You also unlock Realism mode by beating Modern Warfare 2’s campaign on any difficulty, which turns off your HUD entirely and lowers your health even further than on Veteran difficulty. Good luck.

How to Get CoD Modern Warfare 2’s Campaign Achievements

Campaign achievements

A Crappy Way to Die – Kill the enemy in the porta-potty. At the start of Dark Water, take the flight of stairs up to the second floor, and the porta-potty will be straight ahead. Poor guy.
Backpack Guy – Kill gassed or blinded enemies using a Molotov, Semtex, and Frag in Prison Break.
Crocodile – Shoot three enemies while underwater in Wetwork.
Daredevil – While affected by one flashbang, kill two enemies in the campaign or in co-op.
Don’t touch the deck! – In Dark Water, advance 90 metres towards the front of the ship without touching the deck. To get this one, you’ll need to hop along the crates that are sliding about the place, and use the structures along the sides to move forward.
Gentleman Thief – Open three safes in the campaign. Detailed below.
Ghost-in-Training – Reach the penthouse in El Sin Nombre without killing anyone or triggering the alarm.
Going Dark – Complete Low Profile without triggering any alarms.
Gunless – Finish Alone without firing a gun.
Keeping this One – Reach Price using the first vehicle you hijack. This is on the Violence and Timing mission.
Must be Wind – Rescue hostages in Countdown without the enemies firing their weapons.
Nessie – Reach the barge without being seen in Wet Work.
Nobody was There – Never trigger the alarm in Recon by Fire.
No time to Lose – Complete the CCTV sequence in four minutes. This is on the Prison Break mission.
Practice makes Perfect – Shoot all the targets in the training area in Ghost Team.
Test Drive – Drive five vehicle types in Violence and Timing. You start in a pick-up, and need to hijack a flatbed, troop transport, armored 4×4 and a civilian vehicle to unlock this achievement.
Wall of Duty – Kill three enemies with the riot shield in the campaign or in co-op. You can find a riot shield in the Prison Break level.
Cutting Heads off Snakes – Finish all campaign missions on veteran or realism difficulty.
Time for Pints – Finish the campaign on any difficulty.

Co-op achievements

While co-op isn’t a part of the early access, some clever sneaks have discovered that there are five achievements to be earned when it does go live:

Night Fight – Earn three stars in Low Profile.
Hellride – Earn three stars in Denied Area.
Kings of the Mountain – Earn three stars in Defender: Mt. Zaya.
Only the Beginning – Earn at least one star in co-op.
Full SSE – Find 20 intel fragments in co-op.

Get all 23 of these in the bag, and you’ll also net the We are RTB achievement too, for your bragging rights.

Safe Codes and Locations in CoD Modern Warfare 2’s Campaign

First Safe

Mission 11: El Sin Nombre

Once you’ve been balaclava’d up and set free, head for Diego’s bedroom on the second floor opposite the elevator, and take a peek in his wardrobe to find the first safe. The date on the very regal portrait nearby tips you off to a combination of 02 02 19, and you’ll earn a Lockwood 300 shotgun and some armour plates for your troubles.

Second Safe

Mission 13: Alone

You’ll find this one behind a locked door in the cafe after the dark house with the shotgun trap. Craft a Pry Tool from your backpack to jimmy your way into a little office with a desk and a safe. The combination is 10 10 80 – gleamed from the calendar above the desk, which makes reference to someone’s 40th birthday occurring on the 10th October 2020. A bit of quick maths later, and a throwing knife and a silenced .50 GS pistol are yours for the taking.

Third Safe

Mission 13: Alone

The third and final safe in the MW2 campaign is in the garage you’ll find just after leaving the cafe that housed the second safe. Head out of the left hand side of the building into the alley, and the garage is next door. The nearby computer will tell you that the code is 37 60 80, netting you a crossbow, another throwing knife, and the Gentleman Thief achievement, if you’ve done them all, anyway.

Oh No: Red Health Bar Just Appeared Underneath Giant Lawn Skeleton

Posted on October 24, 2022 by Jon Ruggiero

ELMTOWN, Mich. — Police have warned residents to avoid Graham Baker’s house on Poplar Street where a health bar was spotted under a giant lawn skeleton.

“I can put up with the spooky music and the fake bats and stuff, but I draw the line at having to battle any of the decorations to the death in single combat,” explained Stacey Harlow, the neighbor who first spotted the health bar. “So, when I saw a giant red bar and the words ‘CHR’KATH, REMAINS OF EVIL’ appear under that skeleton, I knew something was wrong.”

Harlow contacted the police, who arrived on the scene and immediately assessed the situation.

“At this point we do not know what aggroed the skeleton located here on the front lawn of Mr. Baker’s residence,” said Officer Chuck Viggaroni, first to arrive on-scene after receiving Harlow’s call. “We’re not even sure what the skeleton is capable of, if it has magic, or how big its cone of vision is. As we cannot gauge the threat level at this time, we will wait until the homeowner returns to explain why a high-level and named enemy is being used as Halloween decor.”

Baker later returned home and, after speaking with detectives, made a public statement about the controversial lawn ornament.

“Everyone was trying to upstage me with these big boney bastards, so I decided it was worth paying a bit more for a special one. Don’t ask me where I got it, but let’s just say there was a summoning circle involved,” Baker said, gesturing to the skeleton from a safe distance. “Now, let me see if I have the instructions in the house to get rid of him.”

As of press time, Baker had been unable to remove the skeleton, but the health bar had reportedly turned yellow.

‘Stray’ File Keeps Hanging Out in Trash Bin Instead of Fancy New External Hard Drive You Bought for It

Posted on October 24, 2022 by Ashley Oh

DETROIT — Local gamer Sandra Ruiz was looking forward to playing Stray until she encountered a bug on her computer causing the game’s save file to keep hanging out in the trash bin instead of the expected destination of a 5 TB external hard drive.

“I was running out of space on my PC when I decided to start Stray, so I thought it would be a good excuse to buy a Seagate external drive to house all my games,” said Ruiz. “It’s weird though, every time I drag my Stray launcher into the external drive, the icon immediately snaps back into the Recycle Bin. Is this part of the game like Doki Doki Literature Club or something? I half-expect Stray to know my name or birthday or something, but that’s not very cat-like, is it?”

According to Ruiz, the game itself appears to run normally with no other issues than the peculiar file location.

“It’s just frustrating that I spent all this time researching the best external hard drives, yet this game insists on hanging out in the trash,” Ruiz explained. “It feels just as frustrating as buying nice things for a real cat, which I guess is a compliment to the developers if this is in fact a design choice and not a crazy glitch. I mean, come on, I paid like $200 for this thing.”

When reached for comment, Stray developers confirmed that it is not intentional.

“Ugh, we don’t know why it does that. Just go in the nice thing that was bought for you!!!” said a representative from BlueTwelve Studio. “I’ve heard some people say that if you change the icon for your Recycle Bin to a fancy cat bed, that might get the file to stop going there. Another solution, maybe is to leave some files labeled ‘treat,’ in your external hard drive, but your mileage may vary. Every Stray save file is different, that’s for sure. But we love ‘em all the same.”

At press time, Ruiz realized that other files on her computer have also been getting suspiciously shifted around behind her back ever since she installed Untitled Goose Game.

Dwayne Johnson Reaches Out to Jared Leto to Ask How to Get People to Ironically Like Black Adam

Posted on October 23, 2022 by Camden Brazile

LOS ANGELES — ‘Black Adam’ star Dwayne Johnson reportedly reached out to Jared Leto following poor reviews of Johnson’s new DC superhero flick to ask how to make audiences see the movie ironically.

“Jared! Hey brother, it’s Dwayne. You were in that ‘Mobius’ thing, right?” Johnson began in the leaked voicemail message. “Just out of curiosity, how did you get it trending on Twitter for days as a joke? ‘Black Adam’ is a great movie, and it’s crushing at the box office, but just hypothetically, what did you do to make people go watch it several times in a row for a YouTube video and stuff? Just wondering! If I wanted to do something like that, and I’m not saying I do, could I get ‘It’s Black Adaming time’ to take off? Hello?”

Sources reported Johnson’s thin façade quickly dissipated as the WWE legend became increasingly desperate.

“J-Bone! The Leto-Meister! It’s—it’s Dwayne again. Uh, The Rock,” stammered Johnsons in his fifteenth voice message. “Calling about ‘Black Adam’ again. What an amazing picture. Making millions. I mean billions! Hey, I was hoping you could tweet something out about how Black Adam is the next Morbius? Like how people should go see it to be hilarious, maybe dress up as Black Adam, even pay extra for an IMAX ticket? That would be so funny of you if you did. Jared pick up the fucking phone right now I swear to God.”

At press time, sources reported that several tweets about Black Adam being a hilarious cult-classic had been traced back to Johnson as his various burner accounts.

Masked Killer Making Scary Calls Could Have Just Texted

Posted on October 22, 2022 by Doug Kolic

DALLAS — Local sophomore Beth Murray wishes the masked killer tormenting her with scary phone calls would just text like a normal person, according to sources.

“I don’t love getting death threats each Halloween from a deranged killer, but at least don’t be a dick and make me answer the phone,” said Murray, who immediately declined the call and texted ‘who this’ to the number. “If you absolutely have to tell me how you’re going to kill me and wear my skin as a suit, just have the decency to shoot me a quick text. I’m pretty sure there’s emojis for that.”

Longtime friends claimed Murray’s concerns about unexpected phone calls, while valid, were distracting her from more important problems.

“Beth spends more time complaining about the killer phoning her than about the fact that there’s a homicidal maniac who wants her dead,” said sorority sister Rose Kieran. “We get it, Beth. Nobody likes receiving calls anymore. Everybody knows you have to be a monster to call someone without warning unless it’s seriously an emergency. But there’s a masked lunatic watching her through the window every single night. She should focus on that.”

When reached for comment, the Masked Killer chimed in with his side of the story.

“This generation is the worst,” explained the psychopath while hiding under the porch. “Things used to be so much easier before smartphones, when we were able to anonymously terrorize entire sororities with a simple phone call. My job is hard enough, trying to evade the police and go unnoticed by guard dogs. I don’t need these kids complaining about how I do it. Maybe stop criticizing my methods and start fearing for your life, because I’m about to break into your house if you’d just answer the phone. Shit, she just blocked me. What the fuck do I do now?”

At press time, Murray was overheard complaining about muddy footprints the killer tracked onto her new patio rug, which she had to wait ‘like forever’ to get from Target.

New Edition of Scrabble Adds ‘Cool S’ Tile

Posted on October 22, 2022 by Sean Mullee

PAWTUCKET, R.I. — In an effort to reach out to young people, Hasbro announced a new edition of the popular board game Scrabble which will include the “Cool S” tile.

“Kids today aren’t interested in spelling and vernacular. You can tell because all of their English textbooks are covered in that S,” explained Hasbro representative Sally Tomson. “So we decided to ‘get hip’ and add this ‘dope’ new tile.”

Initially, competitive Scrabble players feared the new tile would create balance issues in tournament play. Luckily, the Hasbro team implemented special rules surrounding the use of the new strongest tile, designed to keep matches fair.

“Well, the tile being worth 69 points was certainly a scare to all of us who have poured thousands of hours into the game,” explained competitive player George Smith, “but since they limited use of the tile to valid words like ‘SWAG’ and ‘SICKO’ I think the addition should be a healthy change to the meta.”

The reception among members of Generation Z has been similarly positive.

When informed of the Scrabble update, local 10th grader Zack Francis said, “Goated.”

While the update does not allow much-requested spellings like ‘periodt’ and ‘bussin,’ Hasbro would neither confirm nor deny those changes were coming in the future.