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Jeremy Kaplowitz

April 20, 2021

Seth Rogen Battles Quarantine Loneliness By Making Giant Ceramic Jonah Hill

Seth Rogen Battles Quarantine Loneliness By Making Giant Ceramic Jonah Hill

BURBANK, Calif. — Comedic actor Seth Rogen posted a photo on Instagram today revealing that he had created a 20 foot tall ceramic Jonah Hill…

April 19, 2021

Wealthy Cannibal Conflicted on “Eat the Rich”

Wealthy Cannibal Conflicted on “Eat the Rich”

TUCSON, Ariz. — Local cannibal Stewart Loarfy is reportedly conflicted about the rise of “eat the rich” sentiments on account of his massive wealth, according…

April 18, 2021

Pope Heartbroken to Discover Church Is Evil in Most JRPGs

Pope Heartbroken to Discover Church Is Evil in Most JRPGs

VATICAN CITY — Following an announcement from Vatican officials that Pope Francis has started playing video games to pass time during quarantine, the Pope has…

April 16, 2021

U.S. Government Reaches Agreement With Wario64 to Announce COVID Vaccine Availability

U.S. Government Reaches Agreement With Wario64 to Announce COVID Vaccine Availability

WASHINGTON — The United States Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reached an agreement with popular video game deals twitter account Wario64 to announce…

April 12, 2021

Andrew Yang Proposes to Sell New York City as NFT to Raise Money for Police Department

Andrew Yang Proposes to Sell New York City as NFT to Raise Money for Police Department

NEW YORK — New York City mayoral candidate Andrew Yang announced today that, if elected, he will list the city to be sold as an…

March 31, 2021

Report: Guy You’ve Never Heard of Is Creep

Report: Guy You’ve Never Heard of Is Creep

NEW YORK — Following accusations from several women, some supposedly famous guy you’re just learning about for the first time is a creep, a breaking…

March 28, 2021

Elon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There Yet

Elon Musk Admits He Wants to Travel to Mars Because No One Hates Him There Yet

AUSTIN, Texas — Wiping tears from his eyes at a recent press conference, SpaceX CEO Elon Musk revealed that the reason he’s so keen on…

March 26, 2021

Man’s Cell Phone Disagrees That Alexa Is Listening to Him

Man’s Cell Phone Disagrees That Alexa Is Listening to Him

VALLEY STREAM, N.Y. — A local man’s iPhone disagrees with its owner that his Amazon Alexa is listening to him in his home, sending information…

March 25, 2021

Even Conspiracy Theorist Kinda Surprised How Right He’s Been Lately

Even Conspiracy Theorist Kinda Surprised How Right He’s Been Lately

LAS VEGAS — Conspiracy theorist Andrew Hawkins has recently been taken aback by how much he has gotten right in the last few years, according…