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Jeremy Kaplowitz

October 27, 2021

George R. R. Martin’s Mother Won’t Let Him Leave the Dinner Table Until He Finishes ‘The Winds of Winter’

George R. R. Martin’s Mother Won’t Let Him Leave the Dinner Table Until He Finishes ‘The Winds of Winter’

SANTA FE, N.M. — While visiting family, fantasy writer George R. R. Martin was told that he would not be allowed to leave the dinner…

October 21, 2021

Man Suspicious After Noticing Girlfriend’s Netflix Includes Category ‘Creepy Horror Films for Women Who Just Cheated on Their Boyfriends Named Matt’

Man Suspicious After Noticing Girlfriend’s Netflix Includes Category ‘Creepy Horror Films for Women Who Just Cheated on Their Boyfriends Named Matt’

LINCOLN, Neb. — Local man Matt Brady has become suspicious of his girlfriend after discovering a category on her Netflix account suggesting movies that are…

October 21, 2021

Surgeon Performs 6-Hour Operation to Separate Art From Artist

Surgeon Performs 6-Hour Operation to Separate Art From Artist

LOS ANGELES — Local controversial filmmaker Jarred Cervantes underwent a new and dangerous 6-hour surgery to be separated from his art following intense criticism for…

October 15, 2021

Netflix Orders 12-Episode Docuseries About Struggling Trans Person It Just Fired

Netflix Orders 12-Episode Docuseries About Struggling Trans Person It Just Fired

LOS ANGELES — Streaming giant Netflix has announced they are filming a 12-episode documentary series called Dismissed following the struggles of a trans person who…

October 12, 2021

Liberal Hackers Break Into Secure Federal Data Center and Erase Everyone’s Student Loan Debt by 1%

Liberal Hackers Break Into Secure Federal Data Center and Erase Everyone’s Student Loan Debt by 1%

WASHINGTON — A group of moderate liberal hackers have broken into a federal data center with the altruistic goal of erasing student loan debt across…

October 5, 2021

Sakurai Secures Sora for Smash in Exchange for First Born Son to Disney

Sakurai Secures Sora for Smash in Exchange for First Born Son to Disney

KYOTO, Japan — Super Smash Bros. creator Masahiro Sakurai confirmed today in a special Direct video that Kingdom Hearts protagonist Sora will be joining the…

October 4, 2021

Facebook Down as Mark Zuckerberg Leaves for New Job

Facebook Down as Mark Zuckerberg Leaves for New Job

MENLO PARK, Calif. — Facebook and Instagram servers were both down today following rumors that CEO Mark Zuckerberg is vacating his position to join Super…

September 20, 2021

Man Camping Alone Deep in the Woods Hears Discord Notification Bleep

Man Camping Alone Deep in the Woods Hears Discord Notification Bleep

DENALI BOROUGH, Alaska — Local man Tauren Schneider reportedly heard a discord notification sound while camping alone deep in the mountains of Alaska without any…

September 16, 2021

BREAKING: Comedian Andy Kaufman Has Died From COVID-19 at Age 72

BREAKING: Comedian Andy Kaufman Has Died From COVID-19 at Age 72

LOS ANGELES — Beloved comedian, actor, and wrestler Andy Kaufman passed away in his home today at 72 after contracting COVID-19, according to those familiar…