Look at you in your ivory tower, enjoying anime and feeling all pretentious because you appreciate things like plot, art style, and character development. Well, guess what, pal? There is a lengthy list of ostensibly tame, non-pornographic animes that I’ve jacked off to, which technically makes them hentai.
Here’s just a small sampling of shows that I’ve manipulated myself in front of, and liking any of these makes you a fan of hentai, no matter how doggedly you refrained from touching your genitals while watching them. Not so proud of yourself now, are you?
- Death Note
You might think I greased my flagpole to the dreamy Light Yagami, but you’d be wrong in that assumption. No, it was his shinigami Ryuk who got me going. Wipe that look of condescension off your face! You were the one who thought I was jerking it to a high school student, so maybe take a look in the mirror instead of judging me. Also, Death Note has officially been hentai ever since I climaxed, just so you know.
- Attack on Titan
I was actually planning on watching this in a non-sexual manner, but something about the terrifying, exaggerated smile of the Humanoid that ate Eren’s mother got me going. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a sexual sadist or anything, I think I just have a previously undiscovered hyperdontia fetish. Plus, if you’re a fan of this established hentai, you might as well pull your pud to it too.
- Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba
Muzan Kibutsuju is a total smokeshow. He looks like Michael Jackson before we learned how sketchy he was. You can’t blame me for shooting my wad when Tanjiro first approached him on that busy street in Season 1. Honestly, I can’t even say I jacked off to this one, because I got off completely hands-free, but there’s no reason to split hairs. This is a great hentai and I hope you liked it, too.
- Hajime no Ippo
I like to get beat up. Fucking sue me. Actually, this hentai is a pretty good exploration of the power of the human spirit, and you’ll find yourself cheering on the impossible-to-dislike Ippo Makunouchi after you’ve blown your load, which we both know you will.
- Neon Genesis Evangelion
No, it wasn’t Misato Katsuragi. It was her pet penguin Pen Pen, alright? I’m not proud of this and, honestly, I’m regretting bringing up this subject in the first place. I was at a weak point in my life when I first watched this series, and it’s so profound and deep that I truly feel bad for relegating it to hentai status via ejaculation, but that’s life.
There you have it. You’ve probably watched at least one of the shows listed above, so welcome to the club. I guess I’ll see you in r/hentai!