Fighting Back: The First Spotted Lanternfly Has Killed a Human

NEW YORK — Following the widespread killing of spotted lanternflies in the United States to stop the growth of this invasive species of bug, the first spotted lantern fly has retaliated and taken a human life.

“No more will we sit back and watch our brothers and sisters be stepped on by the boot of humans. It is time we fight back and take control of our own destinies. We are spotted lanternflies because we light up the path to victory,” said the spotted lanternfly in a statement, after allegedly brutally cutting down a local New York woman with a sword. “This is not the end of the war between man and lanternfly; this is just the beginning. We will fly so numerous across the sky that our spotted wings will block out the sun.”

The Environmental Protection Agency was quick to condemn the actions and messages from the spotted lanternflies resistance group.

“When we put out warnings about this invasive species, this is exactly what we were warning about. It’s not just about some bugs eating leaves or hanging out on trees or whatever. These spotted lanternflies have come here to kill and they’re not afraid to brandish a blade if that’s how they have to do it,” said Eve Salazar of the EPA. “My personal recommendation is that we fly overhead with planes and spray poison over every city in the United States. We will lose many children and older people, sure, but that will be nothing compared to the damage these spotted lanternflies will wreak upon us if we let them live.”

At press time, tensions between the spotted lanternflies and the NYPD dramatically rose after one of the lanternflies had reportedly kidnapped Mayor Eric Adams and was holding him hostage at City Hall.

Overwatch 2 Halloween Cosmetics: All Skins & More

Overwatch 2’s first Seasonal Event, Halloween Terror 2022, has launched introducing Junkenstein’s Revenge: Wrath of the Bride. This event, of course, includes new Overwatch 2 Halloween skins & cosmetics to both unlock and purchase. Here is every new cosmetic introduced with this Seasonal Event.

Overwatch 2 Halloween Terror 2022 Cosmetics – Hero Skins

Tank Skins

Junker Queen – Executioner (Legendary)

Junker Queen's new Halloween skin.

This skin can only be purchased from the in-game shop for 1900 Overwatch Coins. This skin is automatically used for Junker Queen in the Junkenstein’s Revenge: Wrath of the Bride game mode.

Winston – Werewolf (Legendary)

Winston's werewolf Overwatch 2 skin, which can now be unlocked via Twitch drops.

This is not a new skin, but is being made attainable once again. It can currently be unlocked through Twitch Drops. Players will need to link their Battle.net account with their Twitch account and watch 6 hours of Overwatch 2 streams. This Twitch drop offer ends November 2nd.

Damage Skins

Ashe – Warlock (Legendary)

This skin can only be purchased from the in-game shop for 1900 Overwatch Coins. This skin is automatically used for Ashe in the Junkenstein’s Revenge: Wrath of the Bride game mode.

Reaper – Cursed Captain (Legendary)

This skin unlocks automatically for anyone logging in after October 25th through the end of Season One.

Sojourn – Cyber Detective (Legendary)

As of the writing of this article, this skin can not be unlocked; however, it is safe to assume that it will be made available in the in-game shop for 1900 Overwatch Coins, similar to the other Junkenstein’s Revenge: Wrath of the Bride Hero Skins. This skin is automatically used for Sojourn in the Junkenstein’s Revenge: Wrath of the Bride game mode.

Support Skins

 

Kiriko – Witch (Legendary)

Kiriko's new Witch skin in Overwatch 2's Halloween event.

This skin can only be purchased from the in-game shop as part of the Witch Kiriko Skin bundle for 2600 Overwatch Coins. It is assumed that it will be made available in the future separate of the bundle for 1900 Overwatch Coins. This skin is automatically used for Kiriko in the Junkenstein’s Revenge: Wrath of the Bride game mode.

Overwatch 2 Halloween Cosmetics: Weapon Charms

Health Pack (Epic)

This weapon charm unlocks automatically for anyone logging in after October 25th through the end of Season One.

Jack-O’-Lantern (Epic)

Unlocked for completing the Wedding Planner Halloween Terror 2022 Event Challenge. This requires completion of 13 of the 24 available Event Challenges for Halloween Terror 2022.

Black Cat (Epic)

This weapon charm can only be purchased from the in-game shop as part of the Witch Kiriko Skin bundle for 2600 Overwatch Coins.

Overwatch 2 Halloween Skins & More: Voice Lines

All of the following Voice Lines are unlocked for completing various Halloween Terror 2022 Event Challenges.

Ashe – “Zomnics Under The Moon”

Junker Queen – “Bodies To Bag”

Kiriko – “Tarot Reading”

Kiriko – “Scry Some More”

Reinhardt – “Our Tale Begins”

Sojourn – “It’s Always The Widow”

Sombra – “Never Cross The Bridge”

Sprays

Hasta La Muerte

Unlocked for completing the Fury of The Heroes Halloween Terror 2022 Event Challenge. This requires completing Wrath of the Bride with a score of 10,000 or higher.

Zomnic Graffiti

Unlocked for completing the Taking The Plunge Halloween Terror 2022 Event Challenge. This requires completing Wrath of the Bride on Hard difficulty.

Werewolf

This is not a new spray, but is being made attainable once again. It can currently be unlocked through Twitch Drops. Players will need to link their Battle.net account with their Twitch account and watch 2 hours of Overwatch 2 streams. This Twitch drop offer ends November 2nd.

Overwatch 2 Halloween Cosmetics: Highlight Intros

Kiriko – Clean Sweep (Epic)

This highlight intro can only be purchased from the in-game shop as part of the Witch Kiriko Skin bundle for 2600 Overwatch Coins.

Overwatch 2: Halloween Player Icons

Witch (Rare)

This player icon can only be purchased from the in-game shop as part of the Witch Kiriko Skin bundle for 2600 Overwatch Coins.

Name Cards – Overwatch 2 Halloween Cosmetics

Celestial

This name card can only be purchased from the in-game shop as part of the Witch Kiriko Skin bundle for 2600 Overwatch Coins.

Nightfall Over Adlersbrunn

Unlocked for completing the Four Brave Heroes Halloween Terror 2022 Event Challenge. This requires completing Wrath of the Bride as each of the 4 heroes.

Overwatch 2 Halloween Terror: All Challenges & Rewards

Overwatch 2’s Halloween Terror 2022, the sequel’s first seasonal event, has launched, introducing Junkenstein’s Revenge: Wrath of the Bride. The free-to-play model has introduced Challenges for players to complete and now includes limited time Challenges available for the Seasonal Event. Here is every Halloween Terror 2022 Challenge and Reward.

Overwatch 2 – Halloween Terror 2022 Seasonal Challenges and Rewards

A list of challenges from Overwatch 2's Halloween Terror event.

There are a total of 24 Seasonal Challenges to complete for Halloween Terror 2022. These all offer varying free rewards from Battle Pass XP to a number of different types of cosmetics. Remember, this event ends November 8th, meaning it is entirely possible that these rewards will become unobtainable.

Overwatch 2 Halloween Terror 2022 Challenges & Rewards
Challenge Reward
Wedding Planner – Complete 13 Junkenstein Challenges. Jack-O’-Lantern Weapon Charm
Wrath of the Bride – Win Wrath of the Bride on any difficulty. “Our Tale Begins” – Reinhardt Voice Line
Taking The Plunge – Win Wrath of the Bride on Hard difficulty. Zomnic Graffiti – Spray
Here Comes the Bride – Win Wrath of the Bride on Expert difficulty. 1,250 Battle Pass XP
Love Conquers All – Win Wrath of the Bride Legendary difficulty. 1,250 Battle Pass XP
Fury of the Heroes – Win Wrath of the Bride with a score of 10,000 or higher. Hasta La Muerte – Spray
Four Brave Heroes – Win Wrath of the Bride as 4 different heroes. Nightfall Over Adlersbrunn Name Card
No Spark – Win Wrath of the Bride without letting the Lord of the Castle take any damage. 1,000 Battle Pass XP
The Automaton, Transformed – Eliminate the Experiment while it is in tank form on Hard difficulty or above in Wrath of the Bride. 1,000 Battle Pass XP
Re-Tired – Destro 15 Shock-Tires in Wrath of the Bride. “Zomnics Under The Moon” – Ashe Voice Line
Council of the Bride – Eliminate 35 bosses in Wrath of the Bride. “Bodies To bag” – Junker Queen Voice Line
Ominous Portent – Witness all 7 Banshee moments in a single run of Wrath of the Bride. “Tarot Reading” – Kiriko Voice Line
Photozomb – Strike a pose with the bride during her introduction in Wrath of the Bride. “Never Cross the Bridge” – Sombra Voice Line
Knock, Knock… – Disturb the guest in the Tavern in Wrath of the Bride. “Scry Some More” – Kiriko Voice Line
Witch’s Brew – Uncover the fate of a terror past in a hidden corner of Adlersbrunn in Wrath of the Bride. “It’s Always The Widow” – Sojourn Voice Line
Lantern Lit – Crouch at the lantern for 6 seconds while the Ghost is active in Wrath of the Bride. 1,000 Battle Pass XP
The Wanderers of Old – Win Junkenstein’s Revenge on any difficulty. 1,000 Battle Pass XP
The Endless Night Began – Complete Wave 12 in Junkenstein Endless. 500 Battle Pass XP
Unfinished Business – Win Junkenstein Challenge Mission: Vengeful Ghost. 500 Battle Pass XP
Spooky, Speedy – Win Junkenstein Challenge Mission: Frenzied Stampede. 500 Battle Pass XP
Terrifying Trio – Win Junkenstein Challenge Mission: Three They Were. 500 Battle Pass XP
Get Ready For A Shock – Win Junkenstein Challenge Mission: Shocking Surprise. 500 Battle Pass XP
Volatile and Vile – Win Junkenstein Challenge Mission: Volatile Zomnics. 500 Battle Pass XP
Costume Party – Win Junkenstein Challenge Mission: Mystery Swap. 500 Battle Pass XP

Marvel Snap Low Cost Deck (Great New Player Deck)

By now you must have already heard about Marvel Snap and you want a good deck to get into it. Although there is the option to put some real money into the game, you don’t need to do it to win matches in the game. One of the best decks to get started with Marvel Snap is a low cost deck.

As expected from this type of game, Marvel Snap has a variety of cards that add a lot to the game. Different mechanics and types of abilities are important to learn, as we have explained in the tips we listed for beginners. However, building a deck from zero for anyone that is starting to play the game is a major challenge that less experienced players stumble upon all the time. That’s why we have prepared this guide to explain how to build and use a Low-Cost Deck. Using only Pool 1 Cards – the ones earned from Collector Level 18 up to 214 – you can build a functional deck that is easy to use, making it easier for you to learn the game, and great to ensure some victories under your belt.

Marvel Snap Low Cost Deck: Spectrum, Blue Marvel, Mister Fantastic, & More

All the cards for a Marvel Snap low cost deck, including Kazar, Spectrum, and Blue Marvel.

Name Energy Power Ability
Ant-Man 1 1 Ongoing: if you have 3 other cards here, +3 Power
Hawkeye 1 1 On Reavel: if you play a card here next turn, + 2 Power
Quicksilver 1 2 Starts in your opening hand.
Colossus 2 3 Ongoing: Can’t be destroyed, moved, or have its Power reduced.
Medusa 2 2 On Reveal: If htis is at the middle location, +2 Power.
Scarlet Witch 2 3 On Reveal: Replace this location with a random new one.
Wolfsbane 3 1 On Reveal: +2 Power for each other card you have here.
The Punisher 3 2 Ongoing: +1 Power for each opposing card at this location.
Mister Fantastic 3 2 Ongoing: Adjacent locations have +2 Power.
Kazar 4 4 Ongoing: Your 1-Cost cards have +1 Power.
Blue Marvel 5 3 Ongoing: Your other cards have +1 Power.
Spectrum 6 5 On Reveal: Give your Ongoing cards +2 Power.
Fillers
Misty Knight 1 2
Angela 2 1 When you play a card here, +2 Power.
Star-Lord 2 2 On Reveal: If your opponent played a card here this turn, +3 Power.
Iron Man 5 0 Ongoing: Your total Power is doubled at this location.

While the idea behind this deck is pretty simple, as you raise your Collector Level, it can be modified depending on some of the cards in your pool. Since we are working with low-cost cards, we are aiming to put as many cards in each location as possible so, in the last turns, they can be buffed. Avoid focusing all your cards in one location. Instead, focus on occupying as many locations as you can since the buffs you are going to look for in the turns are not location locked. 

For your first turn, we have possibilities. You will always begin with Quicksilver, a good option as your first card. However, in case you have also drawn Hawkeye, he has priority over Quicksilver, because of his On Reveal ability which buffs him if you play a card in the same location as he is in the next turn. The lowest priority 1-Energy card is Ant-Man among the three you will have in the deck. Misty Knight can replace Ant-Man in case you don’t have him yet. 

Your second turn is going to work around some cards. Medusa has higher priority because she receives +2 Power when placed in the middle. In case she and Hawkeye were drawn in your first hand, you have a good combo there using him in the middle followed by her. The second option is to use Colossus or two 1-Energy cards. Scarlet Witch is a good card, but she may be more situational depending on the locations available. Consider her only if your opponent is taking advantage of a location’s effect. In case you don’t have one of these cards, consider using Angela as a filler or Star-Lord. Angela gets boosts the more cards you play at her location, making her a fantastic pairing for a low cost deck. On the other hand, Star-Lord can be pretty difficult to capitalize on, since your opponent needs to place a card in the same location as him that same turn to get his boost.

Your third turn is all about capitalizing on having many cards already placed. Mister Fantastic is the most useful option because he not only occupies one location with 2 Power, but he also buffs adjacent locations giving each +2 Power even if there aren’t other cards there. Prioritize putting him in the middle so you can buff as many locations as possible. Your second option is using Wolfsbane in case you have a location that has already two to three cards. This will give her at least +4 Power! If none of them are in your hand or you judge a good option, you can also use The Punisher who gets buffed based on how many cards your opponent has in the same location. As your last option, always consider using lower Energy cards to not waste your turn.

Now that you already have many cards placed, you might be able to use Kazar in your fourth turn. Among the four-Energy cards available during the first levels, he is the most useful for this deck, since his Ongoing ability gives every 1-Energy character +1 Power. In case he is not in your hand during the fourth turn, you may use lower Energy cards to increase the pressure in one location or another. 

The last two turns are focused on buffing all the cards you placed by using Blue Marvel who gives every card +1 Power or Spectrum which buffs only cards with Ongoing abilities. While using both of them is the best scenario, having at least one can be enough to win the match. Iron Man is a good option in case you don’t have Blue Marvel available yet. Use him in a location where you want to get ahead of your opponent in terms of Power. 

Once you practice with this Marvel Snap Low Cost deck, you are going to understand how to adapt it to each different location. It’s important to keep in mind that this is not a guide for higher ranks. If you are looking for another option to deal with stronger opponents, you should check our guide on the Move Deck for Marvel Snap.

Pete Davidson Converts to Judaism in Latest Kanye Troll

NEW YORK — Comedian Pete Davidson has converted to Judaism in his newest attempt to troll rapper and emerging far-right political figure Kanye West following the latter’s antisemitic remarks.

“It took a lot of work learning how to read all that Hebrew and shit for my Bar Mitzvah, but I dunno, It’s pretty funny, you gotta admit. The guy hates Jews. The guy hates Pete. Now he hates Jewish Pete!” said Davidson following the Hava Nagila dance. “I don’t even really know what being Jewish is all about, but I know Jews love a good joke, so I think I’m doing it right so far. And I dunno, how bad could it be? Mulaney’s a Jew and he’s like my best friend. Or at least, I think he’s a Jew. He did that whole show with Nick Kroll where they dressed up as Jews. That’s gotta be close enough, I think, right? That’s even more Jewish than the time I dated Larry David’s daughter.”

At press time, Davidson was reportedly getting a tattoo of himself being buried in a Jewish graveyard.

JOB ALERT: Blizzard Has a New Posting for “Office Bully”

Hey gamers! We like to help our readers sniff out exciting opportunities to get their foot into the gaming world from a career perspective, and if you’re a complete and utter piece of absolute shit we may have just the lead for you today! 

Activision Blizzard, publishers of incredibly successful games such as Call of Duty, Diablo, and World of Warcraft, and star of such lawsuits as California Department of Fair Employment and Housing v. Activision Blizzard, have recently posted a full-time job opening on their website for something called an “office bully.” It’s an unconventional tech position, but that could very well be something made to work in your favor if you’ve been looking to pivot into the gaming industry! 

Now, a little inside tip that other more conventional employment oriented websites won’t give you: you should probably lie on your resume! If you are going for this job (which includes perks such as paid time off and the ability to eat anybody’s lunch that you find in the fridge) you should make sure you appear to have the requisite skills they are looking for.

Remember, they can’t come out and say it in the job posting, but Activision Blizzard is most likely looking for someone to (forcibly) maintain their office culture. The one in question is famously known as a ‘frat boy’ culture, so it’s not hard to do the math here. We suggest that before applying to this position that you update the “Skills” section of your resume with things like “inappropriate workplace hugs” and “harassing the small segment of employees that are female.” Maybe also something like, “proficient at intimidating employees into working nights and weekends without directly threatening their positions.” Yeah, they’ll like that.

Another insight into this position, which sadly is a 100% in-office job at this point, is that it lists the pay as “negotiable.” We feel this would be a great opportunity to show them that you have what it takes and demand a lucrative salary and dope ass parking spot or else you’re going to pour Cherry Coke into their computers and bully them to the point of tears. Show them you got the goods. Show them you’re Activision Blizzard material.

Best of luck!

Harrison Ford Excited to Reunite With Old Castmate, Green Screen

LOS ANGELES — Following the announcement that Harrison Ford will be joining the MCU as the new actor playing Thunderbolt Ross, Ford confirmed through representatives that he is “excited” to reunite with his castmate, a green screen.

“Ueegh. What is it? I have to talk to you?” Ford said about his new role in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. “Oh yeah, I guess what I’m looking forward to most is using one of those green screens again. They sent me one when I did that last Star Wars movie because I said I wouldn’t go to set. They set it up in my living room for a bit and then I just read from a teleprompter, so that’ll probably be how it goes down for this one too. Maybe this time it will be blue, I don’t know.”

When asked if we would see the transformation from Thunderbolt Ross to Red Hulk in any upcoming MCU movies, Ford said, “Red who? We’re not filming in Brooklyn, are we?”

Ford’s PR representatives clarified that Ford cannot specify whether or not his character would be making the iconic transformation into Red Hulk at this time, however.

“Mr. Ford is very passionate about the history of the Marvel characters and would love to say whether or not he will play Red Hulk in a future film, a character he holds near and dear to his heart, but obviously cannot right now,” the representative explained. “But Mr. Ford is extremely excited to be a part of these movies. Every day he calls me up to tell me that he just loves the MCU, and is so honored to be a part of its incredible cast of characters and legacy of film. He is excited to work with green screen technology again, yes, but he’s also excited to spend time with his human castmates as well, many of whom he feels are as close to him as his own family.”

At press time, all interviews with Ford ended when the actor stood up and walked out of the room mid-question.

Nation’s Mothers Prepare to Walk In During Horniest Part of ‘Bayonetta 3’

WASHINGTON — Mothers across the United States are eagerly anticipating the release of the next installment of the Bayonetta series, in hopes of making their children deeply uncomfortable by barging in on them during one of the game’s many sexually suggestive moments.

“I’ve been a Bayonetta fan ever since I first saw my son Steven bashfully attempt to explain why he was watching a leather-clad dominatrix pole dancing on his Nintendo,” explained Helen Rafferty, mother of two. “Me and all the other moms in the neighborhood have been counting down the days. We’re hoping that the higher resolution of Bayonetta 3’s semi-nude gameplay will make our children feel even more embarrassed when we catch them sitting a little too close to the TV while playing it.”

The most die-hard maternal fans of Bayonetta 3’s stylish combat and potential awkwardness are going to great lengths to celebrate the game’s launch in style.

I’ve trained our dog to investigate any hint of sultry British innuendo, just so I don’t miss a chance to embarrass my daughter,” said one mother. 

Another explained that she went to the trouble of tracking down a child that she gave up for adoption fifteen years ago. She plans to re-enter their life at the perfect time.

“After all this time apart, it’s going to be such a special moment when I burst into their room just as Bayonetta is transforming into her new sexy spider form,” she said, welling up with emotion.

Many mothers voiced their appreciation for everything that Platinum Games has done to assist them in scarring their offspring for life.

“Platinum Games would be nothing without our loyal customers, or the parents who make them regret ever purchasing one of our products,” a spokesperson for Platinum said. “That’s why we sent early Bayonetta 3 codes to the mother of each and every Nintendo Swtich owner, so that they could play the game ahead of time and find the optimal erotically charged moment for them to interrupt. For those looking to really upset your parent-child relationship, there’s actually a cutscene where Bayo calls herself ‘mommy’ while spanking a demon over her knee. That’s something they’ll be bringing up in therapy years from now.”

At press time, moms everywhere were circulating a petition demanding that Square Enix immediately start production on a new Nier game.

Pretentious Gamer Only Plays Black and White Titles

SAN DIEGO — An insufferable gamer has once again gone on an unsolicited rant about why he only plays monochromatic games, claiming them to be the most artistically superior of the medium. 

“I only play games that are in black and white, anything else is Silicon Valley bullshit,” said Crawford Hutch, the local self described gaming enthusiast. “Games like Minit, Gato Roboto, and Trek to Yomi do things with composition and framing that your mindless colorful games could only dream of. If you need to rely on fancy gimmicks like ray tracing and more than two colors to get me to play your game, I highly doubt your game is worth my time.” 

“I will make a rare exception for video games based on Best Picture Winners,” he added.

“Such as The Return of the King on GameCube, or Platoon on the NES.” 

Friends of Hutch’s said his odd insistence on black and white games doesn’t even make sense.

“Okay, if you’re a fan of classic films and all that, I’d understand,” said Sal Comstock, a longtime friend of Hutch’s. “But he’s playing a lot of these modern games on his PlayStation 5, so it’s not exactly a vintage thing. I think he just likes being annoying about black and white stuff.  So you prefer games without color, okay. It’s a little bit odd, but who cares? I just don’t know why he has to be so hostile towards me about it all the time.”

Roommate’s of Hutch’s shared Comstock’s feelings on the matter.

“If I mention any video game to him, it’s always the same response,” said Josh Price, one of Hutch’s housemates. “He says ‘Is it in color?’ And I tell him of course it is and he just rolls his eyes and goes back to playing some clunky Game Boy platformer on his Steam Deck. I gotta find a new place to live, man.”

As of press time, Hutch was seen watching Avengers: Endgame in black-and-white and the sound off so it felt like it was from the ’30s

Hey this article is sponsored by Devolver Digital! You don’t have to be a super pretentious gamer like Crawford Hutch here to enjoy titles such as Minit, Gato Roboto, and Trek to Yomi — but you should check ’em all out on Steam because they’re fun!

‘Try Not To Cum Challenge’ Champion Caught Using Performance-Enhancing Antidepressants

LOS ANGELES — Six-time ‘Try Not To Cum Challenge’ Champion Morgan Scutti was stripped of his title after testing positive for antidepressants earlier this week after Zoloft was found in his backpack and following a positive urine test, shocked judges announced.

“He was one of the best non-ejaculators the tournament has ever seen. He was the first one to ever last more than 5 minutes playing the game,” said Fred Tanner, one of the judges at the World Series of Trying Not To Cum Tournament. “Now his entire success is being put into question. We can’t tolerate behavior of this type in any way. It’s tragic to see someone disgrace the good name of free porn games like this. When people think of the Try Not To Cum genre now, all they will be thinking of is scandal. They should be thinking about the ultra realistic 3D rendering of simulated sex instead, that’s what really brings this community together.”

In response to the news, Scutti has lost many of his endorsement deals.

“When we made Mr. Scutti the face of our toothpaste, we did it because we thought he was a man who could control his ejaculation naturally while playing video games,” Crest Spokesperson Sarah Weinfeldt said over Twitter. “He will no longer be starring in commercials constantly explaining to people that the white stain on his pants was because he just brushed his teeth too haphazardly. His face is gone from all our boxes. We hope that the other companies who use him in their ads follow suit.”

This morning, after much silence, Morgan Scutti responded to the controversy with some prepared remarks in a press release.

“I’m not a perfect human being and my ruthless desire to win took the best of me,” Morgan stated. “I assure you all that this was a once in a lifetime slip. The past few years of quarantine lockdown have been making me extra horny. I feared this would hurt chances this year, and I knew I had to protect my reputation. I have nobody to blame but myself.”

At press time, Scutti announced in an attempt to move forward with his career that he would be moving forward with a promotional partnership with Zoloft.