Hard Drive

August 18, 2022

Number Muncher to Be Publicly Executed for Role in 2008 Financial Crisis

NEW YORK — More than a decade after the 2008 financial crisis shook the world economy, the United States government has finally passed judgment on…

August 18, 2022

Fortnite’s Blanka Coming to Street Fighter 6

OSAKA, Japan — Capcom has confirmed the validity of a recent leak claiming to show the roster of their highly anticipated Street Fighter 6, confirming…

August 18, 2022

Nathan Fielder Hired by Democrats to Rehearse Losing Upcoming Elections

LOS ANGELES — Canadian comedian Nathan Fielder, creator and star of HBO’s hit series The Rehearsal, has been hired by the Democratic Party to help…

August 18, 2022

Sonic the Hedgehog Speaks Out: I Have Never Been Pregnant

GREEN HILL ZONE — Sonic the Hedgehog came out against misinformation about his body by announcing publicly for the first time that he has never…

August 18, 2022

Guy Who Doesn’t Watch DBZ or Play Fortnite Still Somehow Tempted to Buy Goku Skin

NEW YORK — Local man Lennox Cole is reportedly tempted to purchase the Goku skin in Fortnite despite not playing the game or having ever…

August 17, 2022

Sadistic UI Designer Buries Subtitle Option in Crevice of Random Menu

TORONTO — Dark-hearted UI designer Arnold Wright has reportedly placed the subtitle toggle for the upcoming game Lords of Nightshadow in the deepest, most inaccessible…

August 17, 2022

Man Who Definitely Didn’t Just Check Rotten Tomatoes Would Probably Rate That Movie a 67%

SPRINGFIELD, Mo. — Local moviegoer Michael Dunlap, walking out of the recent thriller movie Caged Money, delighted his group of friends with his in-depth review,…

August 17, 2022

BlackRock Buys House From ‘House of the Dead’ for $2.7 Million

EUROPE — Investment management firm BlackRock has reportedly bought the titular home from the video game House of the Dead for 2.7 million dollars, sources…

August 16, 2022

Mid-Level Boss Has Upper Level Written All Over Him

CASTLE MORNE — Local miniboss Leonine Misbegotten has many of the necessary ingredients for a promotion to full boss, several higher-ups report. “This kid is…