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September 23, 2021

Nintendo Promises Next Month’s SNES Online Additions Will Be Most Insulting Yet

Nintendo Promises Next Month’s SNES Online Additions Will Be Most Insulting Yet

REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo closed its Direct today by revealing that the next set of SNES games becoming available on their online service will be…

September 22, 2021

Tom Lets Out Weary Sigh After Walking Into Kitchen and Noticing Cheese Grater Isn’t Part of the Matte Painting

Tom Lets Out Weary Sigh After Walking Into Kitchen and Noticing Cheese Grater Isn’t Part of the Matte Painting

THE HOUSE — Walking into the kitchen and realizing that he would soon be in danger, sources have confirmed that the long-suffering cartoon housecat Tom…

September 22, 2021

End of an Era: Man Clicks “Update” Instead of “Remind Me Later”

End of an Era: Man Clicks “Update” Instead of “Remind Me Later”

PITTSBURGH — Putting to rest over 8 months of daily urging from his mobile phone, Jake Warner finally let his iPhone X update to the…

September 22, 2021

Deal Alert: SEGA Announces Saturn Mini Loaded With ‘Panzer Dragoon Saga’ and Nothing Else for Just $499

Deal Alert: SEGA Announces Saturn Mini Loaded With ‘Panzer Dragoon Saga’ and Nothing Else for Just $499

Good news, frugal gamers. Following the success of their 2019 Genesis Mini console, SEGA announced today the Saturn Mini, which will feature pre-installed software and…

September 22, 2021

38-Year-Old Man Wishes There Weren’t So Many Damn Children at Disneyland

38-Year-Old Man Wishes There Weren’t So Many Damn Children at Disneyland

ANAHEIM, Calif. — A man born in 1983 was reportedly overheard bemoaning the abundance of children in attendance during his recent trip to Disneyland. “What…

September 20, 2021

These Pen Pals Have Been Playing Mortal Kombat Turn-by-Turn via Mail Since 1993

These Pen Pals Have Been Playing Mortal Kombat Turn-by-Turn via Mail Since 1993

NAPERVILLE, Ill. — Long-distance friends Milton Schmidt and Clayton Houston have been playing the same match of the video game Mortal Kombat for almost thirty…

September 20, 2021

Man Camping Alone Deep in the Woods Hears Discord Notification Bleep

Man Camping Alone Deep in the Woods Hears Discord Notification Bleep

DENALI BOROUGH, Alaska — Local man Tauren Schneider reportedly heard a discord notification sound while camping alone deep in the mountains of Alaska without any…

September 20, 2021

Genius Janitor at Marvel Solves Formula for Next Movie

Genius Janitor at Marvel Solves Formula for Next Movie

BURBANK, Calif. — Mild-mannered janitor Carl Perry has done what some believe to be impossible, by solving the formula for an upcoming Marvel movie that…

September 20, 2021

Top 5 GameCubes That I Have Used as Improvised Weapons

Top 5 GameCubes That I Have Used as Improvised Weapons

In the rich lineage of Nintendo’s console library, few hold a candle to the GameCube. It boasts arguably the best exclusive catalog of its era,…