July 1, 2022 Man Who Forgot Wife’s Birthday Still Knows GTA 3 No Stars Cheat Code By Heart Man Who Forgot Wife’s Birthday Still Knows GTA 3 No Stars Cheat Code By Heart PHILADELPHIA — A local woman reports that her husband, who has never once in 25 years of marriage remembered her birthday, somehow still knows the…
July 1, 2022 New Safety Guidelines Advise Running Perpendicular to Godzilla New Safety Guidelines Advise Running Perpendicular to Godzilla WASHINGTON — The Federal Emergency Management Agency has released a new set of guidelines informing people of the most effective strategy to evade certain death…
June 30, 2022 Guy Who Found Sack of Cash in the Woods Recently Declares Diablo Immortal Game of the Year Guy Who Found Sack of Cash in the Woods Recently Declares Diablo Immortal Game of the Year LANESBORO, Minn. — A local man who recently found a sack of cash in a small crashed plane in the woods has publicly stated that…
June 30, 2022 “I Am Definitely Going to Hit That Banana Peel,” Says Driver Who Is Definitely Going to Hit That Banana Peel “I Am Definitely Going to Hit That Banana Peel,” Says Driver Who Is Definitely Going to Hit That Banana Peel ROYAL RACEWAY — Mario Kart player Emma O’Neal is reportedly 100% certain to strike an upcoming banana peel despite seeing the obstacle from a mile…
June 30, 2022 BREAKING: Apes Escaped BREAKING: Apes Escaped MONKEY PARK — Officials at the local Monkey Park Amusement Center were shocked this morning to discover that all of the apes had broken free…
June 30, 2022 Remote Worker Who Spends 10 Hours a Day on Discord Thinks Slack Is a Waste of Time Remote Worker Who Spends 10 Hours a Day on Discord Thinks Slack Is a Waste of Time NEW YORK — Data analyst Jared van Hausen, known for averaging at least 10 hours a day on the social messaging program Discord, publicly voiced…
June 30, 2022 Old Man in Cave Unable to Give Link Sword Due to Supply Chain Issues Old Man in Cave Unable to Give Link Sword Due to Supply Chain Issues HYRULE — The mysterious old man near Link’s spawn location in Hyrule has been hit by the shortage in magical wood from The Lost Woods…
June 29, 2022 Persona Fan Swears You’ll Like Hanging Out With Them Once You Make It Past the First 10 Hours Persona Fan Swears You’ll Like Hanging Out With Them Once You Make It Past the First 10 Hours TOKYO — A fan of the Atlus JRPG series has assured his new acquaintance that he’s actually a lot of fun, despite the first 10…
June 29, 2022 Hasbro Announces New ‘My Little Pony’ Character Based on the Pale Horse Upon Which Death Rides Hasbro Announces New ‘My Little Pony’ Character Based on the Pale Horse Upon Which Death Rides PAWTUCKET, R.I. — Hasbro has announced a new, darker direction for the My Little Pony franchise, revealing a new character inspired by the pale horse…
