Alexmcmillan, Author at Hard Drive

Gamers Beware: Rockstar Is Lacing Every New Copy of GTA 5 With Fentanyl

Posted on October 28, 2022 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

This Halloween, it’s important to be safe while gaming. That’s why we want to warn any readers of our video game website to be extremely cautious while opening copies of Grand Theft Auto V, because rumor has it that Rockstar is lacing each disc with the extremely potent drug fentanyl.

According to sources from within Rockstar, the company is planning a new rerelease of the popular 2013 action-adventure game to begin on Halloween night 2022, although this time, it’s a secret edition. This new edition, internally named Grand Theft Auto V: Fentanyl Edition, will hit stores and houses with a very special type of DLC… killer drugs. As if created by the demonic criminals the game promotes, each disc will be covered in fentanyl, ready to kill whoever touches it. Why are they doing this? No one can say for sure other than that some people are just sickos who want to watch gamers, the most vulnerable population in the world, die horrible deaths.

We need to stay extremely careful over the course of the next few weeks. If you can avoid it, do not buy any copies of Grand Theft Auto V and do not accept it as a gift from strangers — or even loved ones. Sometimes the people closest to you are the ones who are most likely to poison you with fentanyl because they do not understand your video game hobby. If you absolutely must buy a copy of Grand Theft Auto V, do not touch the box with your bare hands. When you bring it into your home, make sure to wear gloves and a hazard mask if you have access to one. Carefully remove the disc and use a fentanyl-testing kit to ensure the safety of the game. We predict something like 75% will contain the deadly drug all over the game.

Keep in mind: if you touch or breathe the air near fentanyl, you will die instantly within the next few hours, so avoid doing so at all costs. Luckily, as gamers, we are very skilled with our hands, and should be able to skillfully test our games without much cost. That’s where our attackers have failed: underestimating gamers. Gamers yearn not to die in our houses handling drugs, but to die on the battlefields of our games, waiting three seconds to respawn.

Please be safe this Halloween. If you can, avoid friends and family — there’s nothing more important than staying home, staying safe, and staying gaming.

Guy Who Doesn’t Have $60 Right Now Still Boycotting Bayonetta 3, Just to Be Safe

Posted on October 28, 2022 by Mark Roebuck

ARLINGTON, Va. — Local gamer Roderick Pierce, who does not have $60 right now, recently announced that he was still boycotting Bayonetta 3 as recently requested by voice actress Hellena Taylor, “just to be safe.”

“I don’t know man, we better wait until we hear even more details, don’t you think,” asked Pierce, pausing the Bayonetta 3 Twitch stream he was watching to speak to gathered reporters. “[Hellena Taylor] asked us to boycott it after she revealed they only offered her four grand for the role. Then PlatinumGames came back and said that they had offered her a higher amount, and then she came back and felt like sort of confirmed that, so um, yeah, I am still sorting this out. I kind of don’t know what to think, to be honest.”

“Still boycotting though,” the destitute gamer added. “I’m all in on the boycott.”

Friends of Pierce’s said his morals seem to coincide with whether he has extra spending money in the month’s budget.

“He said all that?” asked Stephen Greer, Pierce’s roommate. “That’s hilarious. He doesn’t give a shit about voice actors getting their proper due, he’s just broke as fuck. I remember when he convinced himself he was boycotting Red Dead Redemption II when it came out because of worker’s rights. Then he got his job at Pizza Shack back and suddenly the issue became ‘pretty complicated,’ according to him. What a fucker.”

The producers of Bayonetta 3 were sympathetic to the confusing story surrounding their highly anticipated game.

“We wish we’d had a smoother run up to our release, that’s for sure,” said Atsushi Inaba, president and CEO of PlatinumGames. “But we also are pretty sure that the reports coming out about Mr. Pierce boycotting our game until we ‘do the right thing,’ are a crock of shit. We happen to be able to see that he added the game to his wishlist just three days ago. Doesn’t sound like a boycott to us.”

As of press time, Pierce had posted a long rant to social media about how he could maybe see buying Bayonetta 3 if it goes on sale one day, to support all of the artists and developers that worked on it.

Elon Musk Offers to Buy Twitter Again in Case Everybody Wasn’t Looking the First Time

Posted on October 28, 2022 by Andy Holt

SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk has offered to repeat his $44 billion acquisition of Twitter a second time, in case anyone wasn’t paying attention when he did it.

“Yeah, it was totally Le Epic. I hope everybody who has ever been mean to me saw it, because if they did, they must be so mad. Right? They probably are,” said Musk, announcing a new round of funding to cover the second $44 billion merger. “But we are going to make sure of it.”

Musk explained that, judging by the surprisingly tepid reaction on Twitter, people probably weren’t looking at their phones when he bought the company.

“I woke up this morning to read all the pwnage, but lots of people are already posting about other stuff that has nothing to do with me. I literally carried a kitchen sink into a tech office. It was God-tier. People wouldn’t just move on from something like that,” Musk confirmed, noting that time zones could have a lot to do with it. “I’ll buy it again later tonight, when more people are likely to see it. They’re going to be so owned. Just wait. You’ll see.”

Twitter users were split on whether Musk’s purchase was good or bad, but nearly all agreed on one thing: Paul Pelosi got assaulted in his house and that’s crazy.

“Yeah, that’s wild about Elon. For sure,” said Twitter user Sandy Vasquez when told about Musk’s threats of mass layoffs. “Whoa, did you see a dude tried to kill Nancy Pelosi with a fucking hammer? People are saying she wasn’t home, but the guy attacked her husband. Holy shit. Excuse me a second. I need to post about this.”

At press time, Musk reportedly asked the new Twitter CEO to unlock Grimes’ DMs for him.

Apex Legends Broken Moon: All About The New Map

Posted on October 28, 2022 by Kanishka Thakur

Apex Legends Season 15 is introducing a brand-new map and players are now headed to Broken Moon. One thing that sets the map apart from other maps in the game is the new Zip Rail mechanic. Players will be able to traverse the map over long distances using these Zip Rails that can take you to interconnected points of interest (POIs) at breakneck speeds. If you want to jump right in but don’t know how to play on the map, here is a breakdown of everything you need to know about Broken Moon.

Apex Legends Broken Moon Map Overview

Broken Moon is a terraforming project commissioned by the Cleo Recovery Council. There was a catastrophic meteor impact that took place in 2708 and the Boreas Science Division helped make it a habitable environment by 2715. To keep the economy going, the Boreas government signed a contract with the Syndicate to introduce the Apex Games to the moon, which is why we are headed there to compete. The new map is similar to World’s Edge and it offers a wide variety of terrain just like the Season 3 map.

The highlight of the new map is the Zip Rail system which is designed to help players move from one location to another. This can be very useful to relocate to different POIs or get out of sticky situations. The Zip Rails will allow players to move much faster than Zip Lines, which we have on other maps.

Apex Legends Broken Moon Points of Interest

Here are all of the POIs in Broken Moon:

Terraformer: A large construction similar to Harvester in World’s Edge. The POI can easily accommodate up to four teams with multiple landing spots and plenty of loot.

Stasis Net Array: This facility keeps the debris above the moon from crashing down. The POI features multiple lanes that players can flank from and the main structure that will be heavily contested for loot.

Atmostation and Backup Atmo: This is one of the best POIs to use Zip Rails from. There are multiple spots in the area that allow you to latch on to Zip Rails and you can use them directly to other locations on the map.

Perpetual Core: The Core is surrounded by Zip Rails and it could be the go-to POI if you are looking for some action. There is a turbine that connects a bunch of Zip Rails which you can use to escape fights when things get too hot.

Bionomics: A sniper-friendly area that you can leverage to take out enemies from range. Players can dip in and out of the high ground thanks to multiple openings in each of the roofs of the circular buildings.

The Divide: If you are not accustomed to using Zip Rails, you will meet your end here. Two sides of the map are connected via Zip Rails and bridges and one wrong move could send you straight out of the map.

Alpha Base: This area is similar to the Divide but connected only via Zip Rails. There is a giant crater below which could be used for stalking your enemies and striking when the time is right.

Eternal Gardens: This POI is home to the only Jump Tower on the map. If you are looking to relocate quickly and do not have Zip Rails around you, the Jump Tower in the area can help you fly to safety in no time.

Breaker Wharf: One of the best POIs in terms of combat opportunities. You can use the parallel structures to fight at a distance and there are escape routes aplenty if you ever need to use them.

Production Yard: This is one of the largest locations on the map multiple small areas lead to one giant structure where multiple teams can brawl it out for victory.

The Foundry: Yet another POI that offers enough loot for several teams. You don’t have to worry about loot if you’re hot dropping here as there are plenty of lootable areas before you head into a fight.

Dry Gulch: The location has multiple vantage points that you can use to your advantage. You can look down the sightlines and catch enemies walking into the POI with a sniper thanks to all of the high ground available for you to claim.

Cultivation: A small area that is hidden away from the big bulky buildings on the moon. This is one of the easiest POIs to defend and you can take advantage of the waterways to sneak into the POI without being detected.

Promenades: The POI connects the northern and southern parts of the map and offers plenty of loot if you need to replenish your inventory while rotating. It is located at the center of the map and you should be able to engage any POI of your choosing after looting up here.

Apex Legends Broken Moon Tips & Recommended Legends

Here are some useful tips that can help you master the new map:

Use Valkyrie for Redeployments: Valkyrie is extremely useful on the new map despite Zip Rails being added for movement. There is only one Jump Tower and if you want to go to an area of your choosing, Valkyrie can allow you to fly to safe locations without putting your ranked points at risk.

Catalyst is Here to Break the Meta: The new legend Catalyst can use her ferrofluid to block enemy scans. This means that meta legends like Seer can be countered using the new legend and you should take advantage of her kit.

Try All the POIs: You should experiment during the first few days on the new map and figure out which POIs you are comfortable with. We recommend Promenades and Cultivation to start, as they are unlikely to be heavily contested, but you will be able to rotate to fights very easily.

Learn Rotations: The Zip Rails on the map connect you from one POI to another and it is important to learn which Zip Rails you need to take if you want to move to specific POIs.

The new map can feel daunting to learn, but once you figure out rotations and positioning, you will be raking in those ranked points in no time!

Stardew Valley: Best Mods to Enhance Your Fishing Experience

Posted on October 28, 2022 by Neel Bhakta

From obtaining your first fishing rod to reeling in a Mutant carp, Stardew Valley has created a truly unique fishing experience. While it may be rewarding to catch every fish, some novices find the fishing minigame difficult, and seasoned veterans may want more than the vanilla game can offer. This is where the world of mods can enhance your gaming experience. So, to help you, we’ve compiled a list of the best Stardew Valley fishing mods.

The following mods will be split into three categories. The first will focus on creating an easier and more accessible fishing experience. Then, we’ll move on to aesthetic mods to enhance the visuals of fishing. Finally, we’ll touch upon mods that add new fish and other fishing related content to Stardew Valley.

Additionally, every mod on our list can be found on nexusmods. In order to download the mods, you will need to create an account. Additionally, most of the mods will require you to download SMAPI, which can also be found on nexusmods.

Stardew Valley – Best Mods to Make Fishing Easier

Many beginner Stardew Valley players shy away from fishing after experiencing difficulty with the game’s fishing minigame. While upgrading your fishing pole and leveling up your fishing stat will eventually make the minigame easier, it can be a struggle to get to that point. The following mods were designed to alleviate the stress altogether.

Teh’s Fishing Overhaul

As the title suggests, this mod reworks fishing in Stardew Valley. You’ll be able to manipulate various fishing configurations and display an optional fishing HUD. Additionally, you will be rewarded for chaining perfect catches with better fish.

Eidee Easy Fishing

This mod will allow players to configure settings to enhance various aspects of fishing. Options include configurations to make fish bite faster, be caught easier, treasure always found, always catching double fish, and more.

Fishing Made Easy Suite

Similar to the two previous entries, this mod allows players to configure more settings. With this mod, players can make fish appear in any weather condition or season and manipulate spawn rates of fish. Additionally, fish selling prices can be manipulated and the legendary fish can be caught multiple times now.

Skip Fishing Minigame

If you’re looking to completely abandon the fishing minigame, this mod may be for you. After casting your line, receiving a bite, and pulling the line, the fish will be caught without playing the minigame. Additionally, other aspects of the fishing minigame, like treasure, will still remain.

Fishing Info Overlays

This mod will be helpful for players looking to complete community center bundles or the fish collection. While equipping a fishing rod, the player will be able to see the spawn rates of the fish in their location in the top right corner of the screen.

Extra Fish Information

Once you’ve caught a particular fish, this mod will add its location, time, and season to the description of the item. This may be helpful to players looking to fulfill quests or create recipes with fish.

Stardew Valley Mods to Beautify Your Fishing Experience

This section will focus on mods that change the design of the game. This includes different sprites, fish pond designs, color shading, and more.

WIP Better Fishing and Beach Foraging

While vanilla Stardew Valley already includes stylish sprites for items, this mod focuses on creating more realistic fish sprites. This is a work in progress mod, so there are a few fish that have not been redesigned yet.

Animated Fish

This mod animates sprites for fish and other forgeable items. This is perfect for players who like to watch their fish squirm around.

Visible Fish

With this mod activated, players will be able to see fishes swimming in any fishable body of water. It’s a nice visual, with the included benefit of seeing what fish are inhabiting the water.

Smaller Fish Ponds

If you’re looking to raise fish on your farm, you’ll need to invest in some bulky fish ponds. This mod essentially creates fish “wells” which are smaller, more compact versions of fish ponds. Although not for everyone, will mod is extremely helpful for those looking to get the most out of their limited farming space.

Natural Color – Reshade

Though there are plenty of recoloring mods for Stardew Valley, this one uses a natural color palette which makes water a deeper blue.

Water Flow

For the uber-pedantic players, this mod will correct the flow of water in every location. If you’re spending hours and hours staring into the sea, you may as well be sure the current of water is scientifically accurate.

Best Stardew Valley Mods to Add More Fishes and Content

After completing community center bundles and the fish collection, players may not have any incentive to continue fishing. The following mods introduce new fish to the game and new content for those who live to fish.

Stardew Valley Expanded

For many, SVE is the quintessential Stardew Valley mod. Apart from new NPCs and more than 50 new locations, SVE also adds 27 new fish to catch. From glaring omissions from the vanilla game like the Clownfish, to novel creations like the Kittyfish and Puppyfish, even experienced fishers will find a new catch to fall in love with.

More New Fish

As the name suggests, this mod adds more new fish. 140 new fish to be exact. If that’s a bit overwhelming, the mod also includes a monthly magazine with helpful hints on how to reel in every fish, vanilla and modded alike.

Extreme Fishing Overhaul

Finally, if you still have a crazy itch for fishing, this mod will randomly generate 1000 new fish across locations and seasons. Fish will have randomized rarities, catch difficulties, and even names.

With a large community of modders, Stardew Valley has tons of mods to keep the game interesting. In the case of fishing, mods have created a work-around the hard and unforgiving fishing minigame, as well as a slew of additional fish and revamped content.

‘I Literally Didn’t Make That Game and I Don’t Know Why You’re Asking Me About It’: Miyamoto Reflects on ‘Call of Duty: Black Ops 4’

Posted on October 27, 2022 by Brad Waters

KYOTO, Japan — In a recent interview, famed game director Shigeru Miyamoto spoke about his smash hit first-person shooter, Call of Duty: Black Ops IV.

“Um, we recently announced Pikmin 4 coming out in 2023, which we’re very excited about. That’s a sequel fans have been looking forward to for a long time,” said Miyamoto, when asked where he got the idea for the 15th Call of Duty game. “We only make sequels when we believe we have an idea that will take a series in an exciting new direction.”

Miyamoto defended his decision to do away with a traditional single-player campaign for Black Ops IV, which drew a mixed reaction from fans.

“I think it’s possible you have someone else’s game confused with one of mine. I made Mario,” explained Miyamoto about the controversial move to go multiplayer-only. “But, um, I also worked on Metroid Prime, which has lots of shooting! We’re very excited about Metroid Prime 4, which fans can expect to hear more about in the future.”

Miyamoto also described the creative process behind bringing back fan-favorite characters like Richtofen and Dempsey for the “Blood of the Dead” Zombies map.

“I literally didn’t make that game and I don’t know why you’re asking me about it,” he recalled fondly. “Do we need to get a different translator? What is going on here?”

While Miyamoto was happy to speak about Call of Duty, his most popular game remained a sore subject, as he ended the interview abruptly when asked about Fortnite.

Scientists Discover Missing Link Between Donkey Kong and Funky Kong

Posted on October 27, 2022 by Kevin Flynn

ITHACA, N.Y. — In a milestone of genealogical research connecting two separate species once thought to be distant relatives, a group of scientists from Cornell University have finally discovered an evolutionary missing link between Donkey Kong and Funky Kong.

“We knew for years that the existence of a link between Donkey Kong and Funky Kong was plausible, but never in my lifetime did I think we would actually discover a living subject,” said Dr. Wesley Brooks, head researcher of the study. “We knew we had struck gold when we were able to use electron microscopes to determine that his necktie was an exact match to Donkey Kong’s, and that his sunglasses were a direct match to Funky Kong’s. Frankly, I’ve never seen anything quite like it. It’s astounding.”

The Latin name chosen for the new subspecies, Funkus donkus, is a nod to the two species that it connects.

“We have reason to believe that at some point, ‘Donkey Funk,’ as we’ve grown fond of calling him, developed sunglasses as a way of adapting to the harsh sunlight of Kong Island,” continued Dr. Brooks. “As for when his descendants shed their neckties in favor of polka-dot bandanas, tank tops and jorts, we’re not exactly sure, but this is such a huge leap forward in understanding of the Kong evolutionary line that we’re confident we’ll be able to piece together the other subspecies over time.”

Students of evolutionary biology say the groundbreaking discovery raises more questions than it answers.

“So, wait, the sunglasses are organic? They’re a part of his body? What does that even mean?” said Cornell student Harris McFall, perplexed while exiting the symposium where the study was initially presented. “Are they attached to his face from birth? Is he able to take them off? And what about Funky Kong, are those really his clothes or are they a part of his body, too? I’m starting to think that studying Donkey Kong biology as my major was a really bad idea.”

At press time, the researchers behind the study said they would soon be returning to Kong Island to study Funkus donkus further and observe its ability to fast travel via Funky Barrel.

Overwatch 2 Halloween: How to Complete Witch’s Brew Challenge

Posted on October 27, 2022 by Richard Tammaro

Overwatch 2’s first Seasonal Event, Halloween Terror 2022, has launched introducing Junkenstein’s Revenge: Wrath of the Bride. This Seasonal Event also brings a bunch of challenges for players to complete and earn free rewards. While most of these challenges are straightforward, some will require a bit more knowledge and understanding of the new game mode. Here is how to complete the Witch’s Brew Junkenstein’s Revenge Challenge.

How to Complete the Overwatch 2 Witch’s Brew Challenge

The Witch’s Brew Challenge description doesn’t explain too much, “Uncover the fate of a terror past in a hidden corner of Adlersbrunn in Wrath of the Bride.”. The only real hint being that we are looking for something hidden in a corner of the map, but where exactly isn’t so obvious. Before we go any further, it is important to note that this Challenge can be completed on any difficulty.

The first half of Junkenstein’s Revenge: Wrath of the Bride has players fight through zomnics and various bosses to reach the castle in Adlersbrunn. It is at the castle gate where we will find this hidden corner. Your objective here is to burn the castle gate, which can be done with Ashe’s Dynamite or by shooting it; however, we want to ignore the objective for now.

Instead, while facing the castle gate, turn left and notice a small pool of water. In the corner of this pool is a doorway. In the original Junkenstein’s Revenge, enemy zomnics would spawn from this doorway. In Wrath of the Bride, the doorway is open just enough so that you can crawl into what was previously an enemy spawn room.

Crouch through the doorway and head upstairs. Turn to the right to find a coffin and the witch’s cauldron with something brewing inside. This is where your Challenge for Witch’s Brew should complete in Overwatch 2, but the trigger can be a bit difficult to pop in some instances. If you are having issues, try exploring the room further or exiting and walking back in. Your reward for completing the Witch’s Brew Challenge is the “It’s Always The Widow” Voice Line for Sojourn.

Nintendo Fans Burn Down U.S. Headquarters Following Announcement of ‘Pikwomin’

Posted on October 27, 2022 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo fans have stormed the company’s United States headquarters following the announcement of a new video game called Pikwomin, according to survivors of the attack.

“I absolutely can’t fucking believe it. They made Pikmin political. One of the FEW GAMES that wasn’t political, they had to go and make it about politics. It makes me so mad, man, it boils my blood. I literally do not care about politics, I just want to be left out of it entirely!” said one of the masked rioters who helped burn down the Nintendo headquarters. “I mean they’re gonna put little colorful boobies on the pikmin! That’s not even scientifically accurate. I’ve played Pikmin games my whole goddamn life and I’d be the first person to know if the pikmin could breastfeed. I have looked into this shit, I’ve read the theories, I’ve scoured the webs for drawings of it. It’s just not right and it’s against god. What’s next? Olimar being Asian? The game is fucking ruined.”

“I mean how would a Pikmin game with female pikmin even work? The game is about working together and everyone knows women can’t do that, right?” said another masked Nintendo fan, holding a stolen computer he found in the building. “I bet they couldn’t even organize an attack on the U.S. Nintendo headquarters if they wanted to. Classic!”

Despite the attacks, Nintendo of America has yet to make a statement of any kind.

“Command a capable crop of different types of Pikmin and Pikwomin in Pikwomin to strategically overcome obstacles, defeat creatures, and find food for your famished home planet! Uh oh, watch out! Here comes a big scary bug!” said Nintendo about the controversy. “Pikwomin crash lands on the Nintendo Switch in 2023.”

At press time, rioters surrounding the rubble of the Nintendo headquarters were reportedly watching a new Pikwomin trailer on one man’s phone that all agreed “actually lowkey looks kinda good.”

My Girlfriend Assures Me That ‘Minit’ Is the Perfect Length of Time for Some Quick Fun

Posted on October 27, 2022 by Ryan Fleishman

Trying to fit video games into relationships can always be tricky. Recently, I’ve been trying to get my girlfriend into Minit, as it’s my favorite video game, but I’ve been concerned that the indie adventure game published by Devolver Digital is not long enough to pleasure anyone. How could anyone enjoy playing a game that lasts just 60 seconds?

However, I’m pleased to say, my girlfriend assures me that Minit is the perfect length of time for some quick fun, and she loves Minit just the way it is. Phew! If you’re concerned about showing Minit to your loved one for similar reasons, rest assured the best thing to do is just try it out, because sometimes it’s not the length of the game that matters — it’s how you play it.

In Minit, your character has exactly one minute to adventure before he finishes, due to his cursed sword. My girlfriend promises me that these minute-long escapades are extremely intense and satisfying. According to my girlfriend, Minit is actually much more fun than other video games that last longer and have better graphics because it has a great personality.

When I started playing Minit, I was worried that I would never penetrate deeper into the game world because it ends so quickly. However, the game contains rest points that let you respawn in different locations, so you can keep the fun going on. My girlfriend told me I still might not be able to hit the bottom of the game world, but with the right equipment you can reach whatever spot you want. Personally, I prefer to simply run ahead and finish where I finish.

I, for one, think that the creators of Minit could experiment with even shorter games. For example, I believe that 38 seconds is an unexplored time frame that gamers would love if they gave it a chance. Maybe the timer could go down to 33 seconds if you haven’t played in a while, or up to 53 seconds if your character’s dog just died.

Regardless, Minit is a blast. I enjoyed every second I spent playing Minit, though I’m looking for a longer video game now. I have a lot of free time after my girlfriend left me because I cum soooooo quickly. I see one boob and I’m just done.

Would you believe this is sponsored by Devolver Digital? Yeah, they let us compare one of their games to premature ejaculation! (Shouts out if it took you until this sentence to get the joke). But just because we cum too fast, doesn’t mean the part about Minit being a great game is a joke. Check it out on Steam and see for yourself!