Tesla Tag Archives - Hard Drive

Elon Announces Further Delay in Full Self Awareness

Ted Kindig • May 5, 2025

AUSTIN, Texas — Elon Musk, mascot and “co-founder” of throwback automotive company Tesla, disappointed shareholders yesterday by announcing further delays…

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Elon Rejects Safer Car Battery, Claims It Would Make Newer Tesla Models Too Soy

Tyler Pehringer • August 19, 2024

AUSTIN, Texas — Tesla CEO Elon Musk has rejected a redesign for a more efficient battery, arguing that it would…

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Apple Vision Pro Is Changing the Way Americans Die in a Tesla

Travis Tack • February 7, 2024

CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple recently released the Apple Vision Pro, a technological breakthrough that's already revolutionizing the way Americans meet…

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ACME Corporation Introduces Slightly Less Dangerous Self Driving Car Than Tesla

Mark Roebuck • November 1, 2023

SOMEWHERE NEAR ALBUQUERQUE — ACME Industries, manufacturers of notably explosive products, introduced a self-driving car that has proven to be slightly…

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Bruce Wayne Speaks Out Against Twitter Account That Tracks Batman’s Grappling Hooks

Kyle Duggan • June 28, 2023

GOTHAM CITY — Billionaire Bruce Wayne spoke out against a social media account dedicated to tracking and publicizing the location…

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New Transformers Movie to Include Autobot Who Turns Into Tesla and Immediately Runs Over Child

Adam Frost-Venrick • June 9, 2023

LOS ANGELES — According to the handful of people who have seen the film, Transformers: Rise of the Beasts, which…

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8 Ways Elon Musk Plans to Improve Twitter

Camden Brazile • April 12, 2023

Is Twitter getting worse and worse every day? It sure feels like it, these days. But if you're worried the…

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Elon Musk Spends $44 Billion on Old Dunk Tank Found on Craigslist

Mark Roebuck • April 1, 2023

GARY, Ind. — Twitter CEO Elon Musk has reportedly discovered his next overvalued investment: a novelty dunk tank he found…

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Elon Musk Keeps Asking Tesla Engineers to Make Cars More Like ‘Twisted Metal’

Jacob VanGundy • March 15, 2023

AUSTIN — Tesla CEO Elon Musk hopes to take the next model in a radical new direction, demanding his engineers…

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Elon Musk Demands Twitter Engineers Fix Gaping Void Where His Soul Is Supposed to Be

Andy Holt • February 16, 2023

SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk gathered the Twitter engineering team for a meeting yesterday to assign a nearly impossible task:…

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