Alexmcmillan, Author at Hard Drive

Fortnite’s Jeffrey Dahmer Skin Becoming Worryingly Popular

Posted on October 31, 2022 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

CARY, N.C. — Fortnite’s new Jeffrey Dahmer cosmetic is becoming increasingly popular, worrying developers and psychologists, according to those familiar with the situation. The skin, which comes with a severed leg for a pickax, was made to coincide with the popularity of the Netflix series about the notorious serial killer. Since its addition to the Fortnite shop, it has become the most-used skin in the game’s history.

“Look, we had to add a Jeffrey Dahmer skin. Every TV show character and movie gets a skin whether we like it or not, but we just figured most people wouldn’t buy it — like all those Jonesy ones,” said a Fortnite developer who wished to remain anonymous. “Even I thought it was a little on-the-nose that it came with literal alternative skins of his victims, but I get that we have to give people a little something extra if we’re gonna charge $20. It’s just weird that everybody is wearing this thing. Like if you pop into a game, it’s 90% Jeffrey Dahmers running around with assault rifles. I know we’re the ones who added it to the game, but it freaks me out that so many people are actually using it.”

Psychologist Dr. James Key explained that the trend may have concerning consequences.

“At first I thought it was just gamers living out their fantasy of murdering one of humanity’s most vile serial killers and I thought it was a little odd, but ultimately wholesome in a sort of twisted way. But then I interviewed a handful of players and every single one of them said they were playing as Dahmer because he is ‘cool’ and ‘hot.’ Most players associated him in a sort of way that they do The Joker, who you may know is actually the clown prince of darkness. This is very concerning,” Dr. Key said.

“It worries me what might come from this trend. It’s one thing for children to pretend to be Superman or Darth Vader, but it’s very different to pretend to be Jeffrey Dahmer,” Dr. Key continued. “I’m very nervous that kids all over the world are going to begin idolizing the serial killer, dressing up as him, and trying to build forts from which to shoot at people in their neighborhood. It is a very real and likely possibility.”

At press time, Fortnite developers attempted to lighten the mood of the skin by granting users who play with it a special silly little dance.

Signalis: How to Open the Wall Safe in the Hospital Wing

Posted on October 31, 2022 by Thomas Wilde

The security’s a joke in Signalis, especially in the hospital wing, but it can still slow you down. To find your way through the hospital level of the mining colony, you’ll need to do some detective work. By combining old information, new details, and your radio implant, you’ll be able to start Elster down a new, lucrative career as a professional safecracker… or at least get a useful keycard. That’s not nothing.

Here’s how to open the nurse station safe in Signalis.

Signalis Hospital Wing – How to Hack the Wall Safe in the B3 Nurse Station

If you’ve gotten this far into Signalis, you already found a file, Frequencies, back on the second floor. It’s provided you with the first clue you’ll need here.

The exact numbers in the Frequencies file can vary between runs through Signalis. It’s a useful enough chart overall that you’ll want to write it down for ease of reference.

For the purpose of this specific puzzle, the most important frequency on the list is Sword, the last one on the list. It generally seems to be located somewhere between 225.000 and 236.000 on your radio dial.

The second clue you’ll need is, fittingly, the file called SWORD. This is on one of the chairs on the left side of the Waiting Room on B3, which is right off the East Corridor by Reception, as seen below.

Read the SWORD file and you’ll receive a cipher:

It’s exactly as simple as it looks at a glance. The letters on the left correspond to the numbers on the right, and the missing numbers are exactly what you’d think they’d be from context.

This comes in handy a little later, when you visit the Nurse Station off the South Corridor, which is east from the Waiting Room. Here, you’ll find a surviving Replika and another one of the mining colony’s wall safes.

Unlike the safe you cracked on B2, this one has letters on its keypad. The first step to opening this wall safe is to tune your radio to the Sword frequency, as noted above. Your transceiver will pick up a series of five randomly generated numbers. Write them down.

Now, using the cipher from the SWORD file, turn those numbers into letters. One of the letters isn’t covered in the cipher, but you can figure it out through a process of elimination; it’s on the keypad, but isn’t listed in the SWORD file.

That letter is F, which corresponds to 8.

You should end up with a simple five-letter code that you can input into the safe to open it. In my most recent game, for example, the number broadcast via the radio frequency was 46487 (see the screenshot above), which translates to HRHFZ.

Input your new code into the safe to open it and reveal the Incinerator Room Key. This may seem like it’s out of proportion to the amount of effort this took, but the Incinerator Room holds some valuable information, as well as a useful new tool.

You can also grab the Eidetic Module, which you can equip on Elster to essentially enable photo mode.

The Eidetic Module honestly isn’t much use on PC, particularly on Steam, where you can simply hit F12 to take screenshots whenever you want. For ease of reference on console versions of Signalis, however, the Eidetic Module is a useful way to record any clues or hints you find out in the field.

PRICE CUT: There’s a Bunch of Stadia Shit Stacked Up Outside Google Headquarters

Posted on October 31, 2022 by Mark Roebuck

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — Hey gamers! We like to keep an eye out on the best deals available in gaming, and today do we have a doozy for you! We’ve had multiple sources confirm that if you swing by Google headquarters right now, there’s a whole bunch of Stadia shit just stacked up outside. They don’t mind if you take it, and most of it seems brand new!

Now, we at Hard Drive rarely advocate theft from corporations, and can obviously recognize the optics of this deal as one that seems suspiciously like shoplifting, but we’ve confirmed that they don’t care if you take any of this shit from representatives of the company.

“Take this shit, take it all. Burn it and send it to fucking hell for all I care,” said one Google employee that had been working on the cloud gaming platform from its troubled debut in 2018 to its announced shutdown last month when we reached out to confirm this deal. Wow, what a bargain!

Now before you get too excited about this 100% markdown on a current console, please remember that it was in fact recently discontinued after several years of disinterest from consumers. We’ve heard the controllers can be used for different stuff, though. So that’s pretty cool!

Also, and this is fucked up, but you could grab like a half dozen of these and give them out as Christmas presents to the family members you don’t like. Tell them it’s the hot new thing and get the hell out of there. Merry Christmas, you turds!

Just an idea.

So once again, you have to pull into Google HQ, tell them you’re there for the free Stadia shit, and they’ll direct you where to go. You have to grab your own. It’s kind of like a pumpkin patch. It looked a little picked over when I was there, but I also saw a lot of people coming back and returning theirs to the parking lot, so I bet you’ll be alright.

Keep your eyes peeled to Hard Drive for all the best gaming deals!

Signalis: How to Pick the Lock in Block A6

Posted on October 31, 2022 by Thomas Wilde

The first real puzzle you encounter in the indie survival-horror game Signalis is also one of the trickier ones in the game. Unless you yourself are actually a locksmith, it can take a minute to figure out what you’re supposed to be doing here and why. Here’s how to open the locked door in Block A6.

Signalis Block A6 Lock: What to Do With the Lockpicking Machine

When you first enter the second level of the mining colony, the whole place is locked down, which more or less forces you onto a critical path for the next few minutes. From your starting point in Block A7, go north, then west into the elevator room.

One of those elevators is visibly out of service, but the other just requires a keycard. If you look on the shelf built into the elevator’s control panel, however, you can find and take the Service Hatch Key.

From there, go back the way you came and go through the unlocked door marked A6. You can visit a couple of dorm rooms on either side of the hall for files, but we’re here for the lockpicking kit that’s been set up at the far end.

Read the Service Request Form F-29 on the box next to the door, then inspect the door itself. Use the Service Hatch Key on the hole to open the panel.

As the Service Request Form suggests, this puzzle is largely down to trial and error, and there’s no particular penalty for failure. What can be difficult, however, is figuring out what you’re meant to be doing in the first place.

The top four buttons on the lockpicking kit can raise or lower the notches in the kit’s makeshift key. When you hit the Funktion button, the notches move the tumblers in the lock.

If you’re able to come up with a shape for the key where all four tumblers line up evenly, the tumbler spins and the lock opens.

This is one potential solution to the puzzle, as seen on the Xbox version of Signalis:

This is how the screen on the lockpicking kit will look when the puzzle’s been successfully completed:

The proper arrangement for the lockpicking kit is randomized on each run through the game. I’ve run through this puzzle twice on two different versions of Signalis and gotten two different versions of it. You’ll probably need to run some trial and error on your own to get this to work on your own game, but once you know what you’re supposed to be doing, the rest is easy.

CoD Modern Warfare 2 (2022): How to Unlock All Weapons

Posted on October 31, 2022 by Daniel Solomon

Modern Warfare 2 is back, again, and this time it’s… similar, but not exactly the same. Zombies are gone this time, instead opting for a slightly less absurd co-op experience. Camos, too, are now a whole thing unto themselves, requiring considerably less time overall to get that gold. And another thing that’s seen a bit of a shakeup in CoD: Modern Warfare 2 is the means by which you unlock your precious weapons.

Gone are the days when you just blasted through the ranks of your player level and got the full arsenal at your disposal. Now there are progression trees barring you from certain weapons, meaning that you’ve got to be a little more strategic with your grind if you want to get your hands on everything.

The M4 platform is likely where you’ll start from, and is how you unlock four new weapons. Level the M4 itself up to 19, and you’ll have unlocked the FTAC Recon and the 556 Icarus; level the FTAC to 17 to unlock the FSS Hurricane, and the 556 up to 14 to unlock the M16. Boom, platform complete. Thank you, next.

It’s not as complex as it perhaps looks at first, though – in simple terms, around half of the game’s weapons are now put into groups, which are designated as platforms. Interestingly, the platforms can span across weapon types, so if you’re looking for a specific bit of kit, you’ll have to see which gun is its cousin, or something. Luckily we have you covered below.

CoD Modern Warfare 2: How to Unlock M4 platform weapons

How to unlock all m4 platform weapons in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

Weapon name	Unlock condition
M4 (assault rifle)	Available from the start
FTAC Recon (battle rifle)	M4 Level 14
556 Icarus (LMG)	M4 Level 19
M16 (assault rifle)	556 Icarus Level 14
FSS Hurricane (SMG)	FTAC Recon Level 17

Unlocking Tactique Verte platform weapons

How to unlock all tactique verte platform weapons in CoD: Modern Warfare 2.

Weapon name	Unlock condition
TAQ-56 (assault rifle)	Reach player level 19
TAQ-V (battle rifle)	TAQ-56 Level 11
TAQ-M (marksman rifle)	TAQ-56 Level 20

CoD Modern Warfare 2: Bruen Bullpup platform weapons

Weapon name	Unlock condition
STB 556 (assault rifle)	Reach player level 41
MX9 (SMG)	STB 556 Level 13
HCR 56 (LMG)	STB 556 Level 20

Call of Duty MW2: How to Unlock Lachmann & Meer platform weapons

Weapon name	Unlock condition
Lachmann-762 (battle rifle)	Reach player level 16
Lachmann-556 (assault rifle)	Lachmann-762 Level 12
LM-S (marksman rifle)	Lachmann-762 Level 16
RAPP H (LMG)	Lachmann-556 Level 12
Lachmann Sub (SMG)	Lachmann-556 Level 12

CoD Modern Warfare 2: Unlocking Kastovia platform weapons

Weapon name	Unlock condition
Kastov 762 (assault rifle)	Reach player level 23
Kastov 545 (assault rifle)	Kastov 762 Level 13
RPK (LMG)	Kastov 762 Level 16
Kastov-74u (assault rifle)	Kastov 545 Level 13
Vaznev-9K (SMG)	Kastov-74u Level 15
Minibak (SMG)	Vaznev-9K Level 14

How to Unlock Ordnance Weapon platform weapons

Weapon name	Unlock condition
EBR-14 (marksman rifle)	Available from the start
SO-14 (battle rifle)	EBR-14 Level 12

Call of Duty MW2: How to Unlock Bryson 800 Series platform weapons

Weapon name	Unlock condition
Bryson 800 (shotgun)	Available from the start
Bryson 890 (shotgun)	Bryson 800 Level 16

Unlocking Bryson Long Rifle platform weapons

Weapon name	Unlock condition
SP-R 208 (marksman rifle)	Reach player level 7
SA-B 50 (sniper rifle)	SP-R 208 Level 16
LA-B 330 (marksman rifle)	SA-B 50 Level 17
SP-X 80 (sniper rifle)	LA-B 330 Level 17

How to Unlock XRK platform weapons

Weapon name	Unlock condition
X12 (handgun)	Reach player level 31
X13 Auto (handgun)	X12 Level 10

How to Unlock Single platform weapons

There are also a heap of weapons that don’t adhere to the new unlock tree platform structure, which you’ll unlock as you grind up your overall level. They still show as having a platform in the loadout screen, but currently just have a single entry. This may change with future updates though.

Weapon name	Unlock condition
Vel 46 (SMG)	Available from the start
Sakin MG38 (LMG)	Available from the start
P890 (handgun)	Available from the start
PILA (launcher)	Available from the start
MCPR-300 (sniper rifle)	Available from the start
PDSW 528 (SMG)	Reach player level 5
Expedite 12 (shotgun)	Reach player level 9
.50 GS (handgun)	Reach player level 13
STRELA-P (launcher)	Reach player level 14
JOKR (launcher)	Reach player level 24
RAAL MG (LMG)	Reach player level 25
Lockwood Mk2 (marksman rifle)	Reach player level 28
RPG-7 (launcher)	Reach player level 32
Lockwood 300 (shotgun)	Reach player level 36
Riot Shield (melee)	Reach player level 37
Fennec 45 (SMG)	Reach player level 38
Basilisk (handgun)	Reach player level 39
Signal 50 (sniper rifle)	Reach player level 44

And there you have it, an arsenal fit for a rampaging warlord. Now it’s just a case of unlocking all of the skins for them.

CoD Modern Warfare 2 (2022): Camo Unlock Guide

Posted on October 31, 2022 by Daniel Solomon

Average nature enjoyer Ralph Waldo Emerson said that “The desire of gold is not for gold. It is for the means of freedom and benefit.” The man has clearly never played CoD: Modern Warfare 2, as the desire for gold (camo) is very much that, and is in fact incentivized with accompanying challenges that require you mostly to shoot your foes from certain angles or in certain body parts.

It’s not quite business as usual though in the latest Call of Duty, as there’s some differences to how the grind works, and mostly for the better. And while unlocking camos has been streamlined this time around, the core gameplay loop is the same; unlock gun, level up gun to unlock challenge, beat challenge to unlock camo.

One key change is that each weapon with attachments (assault rifles, SMGs, etc.) in Modern Warfare 2 only has four base camos to unlock, and weapons without attachments (launchers, melee stuff) just have the one. Now though, once you’ve unlocked a base camo on one weapon, it can be used on any other weapon you’ve unlocked. The same cannot be said for the completionist camos though, which we’ll get into below, along with more details on base camos.

How to Unlock Camos in Modern Warfare 2

Once you’ve settled on your weapon of choice, you’ll have to get stuck into some multiplayer matches and get it up to level 2 before you’ll see your first base camo challenge. The three others will pop at intervals between level 2 and max weapon level, which differs between guns since they don’t all have the same level cap.

The four base challenges also vary between weapons, but will often involve getting a set amount of kills, headshots, longshots, kills while crouching, kills without reloading – all the sort of stuff that you’ll be doing anyway. None are particularly difficult, but you may find yourself having to adjust your playstyle a little for a match or two while you tick them off.

To take the M4 as an example of how it all works, its base camo challenges unlock at levels 2, 8, 13, and 19. You don’t need to have completed a prior challenge to work on the next one, though it is worth being mindful of them as you grind your weapon level up, if only to save your own time in the process.

M4 level	Camo name	Challenge
2	Scales	Get 50 kills with the M4
8	Desert Hybrid	Get 50 kills while aiming down sights with the M4
13	Dark Leaves	Get 10 double kills with the M4
19	Urban Renewal	Get 15 kills from behind with the M4

Unlock all four of these, and you’ll have the gold camo challenge to beat…

Completionist Camos: CoD Modern Warfare 2

These are a mainstay of CoD’s competitive multiplayer, and to absolutely no one’s surprise, they’re back again. This time, there’s four tiers, each requiring more sweat than the last; gold, platinum, polyatomic, and orion.

Unlike the base camos, the completionist camos still need you to put the hours in, and can only be equipped on the weapon for which they’ve been earned.

The unlock criteria for each tier is based around the 51 weapons in the game at launch, so when new weapons get added down the line in updates and DLC, you’ll only have to grind out the original number of each type of weapon to move up a tier. As there are eight assault rifles in the game now, if they add any more, you’ll still only have to get eight gold camos for assault rifles to start unlocking platinum challenges and beyond.

How to unlock gold camos

How to unlock gold camo in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

Once you’ve earned a weapon’s four base camos, you’ll unlock another challenge (again, varying by weapon) to beat before you can take a stroll with your gilded gun of choice. Going goldly is far better than going boldly.

Be warned, there is a known bug at launch on PC in that once you’ve unlocked all of a weapon’s base camos, the gold challenge won’t show if you hover your mouse over the icon. It is, however, still counting your progress, and can be seen by either using a controller or the directional keys having selected a base camo first.

How to unlock platinum camos

How to unlock platinum camos in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.

Earn gold for every weapon of the same type (for example, all assault rifles) and you’ll be awarded with a challenge to complete to unlock a platinum camo for each of ‘em for your efforts. The grind doesn’t stop there though…

How to unlock polyatomic camos

How to unlock Call of Duty MW2's polyatomic camos.

For these purple-hued jagged looking skins, you’ve got to get yourself a platinum camo for each of the game’s 51 weapons, and then beat a new challenge for each to unlock its respective polyatomic camo.

How to unlock orion camos

How to unlock Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2's orion camo.

Now these do look the part, and you’d bloody well hope so for the time it’ll take you to unlock. Once you’ve amassed 51 polyatomic camos, these will be gifted to you, no new challenge or anything. The challenge was the journey itself. You must be knackered by now if you make it this far.

All Camo Challenges in CoD: Modern Warfare 2

According to data miners who fiddled about with code from the pre-release beta, the following is the sum of each type of camo challenge. Bear in mind that the numbers are the total across all weapons in each category, so the 800 kills for assault rifles is across all weapons, not a requirement for each.

As of writing, this is yet to be confirmed, but it feels about right in a ballpark sense from what I’ve seen of the game so far, and gives a good overview of the time this grind is going to take.

Assault rifle camo challenges

800 kills
180 kills with full weapon attachments
160 crouch kills
125 headshots
110 kills with no weapon attachments
100 longshots
100 mounted kills
75 hip fire kills
50 get X kills without reloading
35 killstreaks – get X kills without dying

SMG camo challenges

500 kills
250 kills with full weapon attachments
110 crouch kills
100 headshots
100 hip fire kills
75 kills with no weapon attachments
50 longshots
50 mounted kills
40 get X kills without reloading
25 killstreaks – get X kills without dying

LMG camo challenges

525 kills
180 kills with full weapon attachments
75 kills with no weapon attachments
75 headshots
65 crouch kills
45 hip fire kills
45 longshots
45 mounted kills
30 double kills
25 killstreaks – get X kills without dying

Shotgun camo challenges

400 kills
110 kills with no weapon attachments
100 kills with full weapon attachments
75 hip fire kills
65 crouch kills
50 point blank kills
50 headshots
30 get X kills without reloading
30 killstreaks – get X kills without dying

Sniper camo challenges

450 kills
150 kills with full weapon attachments
75 kills with no weapon attachments
60 headshots
50 crouch kills
50 one shot kills
50 longshots
45 kills while holding your breath
25 double kills
25 killstreaks – get X kills without dying

Pistol camo challenges

250 kills
110 kills with full weapon attachments
75 kills with no weapon attachments
50 headshots
40 crouch kills
30 hip fire kills
30 longshots
25 reload kills
25 double kills
25 killstreaks – get X kills without dying

‘It Was an Honor to Play Geraldo Rivera Or Whatever,’ Says Henry Cavill While Squeezing Back Into Superman Costume

Posted on October 29, 2022 by Kevin Flynn

BURBANK, Calif. –– Already hastily squeezing back into his original Superman costume from a hair and make-up trailer at Warner Bros. Studios, the original star of Netflix’s The Witcher series, Henry Cavill, wished his replacement Liam Hemsworth luck with the role and expressed gratitude for the opportunity to “play Geraldo Rivera or whatever.”

“Geraldo Rivera is an, uh, incredibly complex and interesting character, and it was the opportunity of a lifetime to play him, yadda yadda yadda,” said Cavill, arching his back to get fully snug within his familiar Superman latex on his way to an early screen test for an upcoming cameo in a still-under-wraps DC Extended Universe film. “My only regret is that I won’t get to be around to find out what happens when he finally meets the titular Watcher and finally tosses a coin to him — or her — but I’ll be watching along with the rest of you through my Hulu subscription to see how things shake out. Good luck Liam as you carry the torch. No pun intended, but of course we all can’t get enough of Geraldo and his iconic torch weapon!’

Fans of the Netflix series were appreciative yet confused by Cavill’s meandering, generally inaccurate remarks.

“Does he even know what show he was a part of?” said Melinda Etheridge, a member of the series’ subreddit. “I know this guy likes to double-book himself and it must be hard switching context from role to role, but he obviously thinks the character’s name is Geraldo Rivera. Like, that’s a completely different real life person. Even if he skimmed the scripts and forgot Geralt of Rivia’s name, how could you forget a giant mustache like Geraldo’s? With all the trouble he’s had surrounding mustaches he’s grown for acting roles before, you’d think he’d know for sure if he actually portrayed that guy.”

At press time, an even more disengaged Cavill doubled down and assured fans that he absolutely had watched every single episode of Geraldo at Large.

Genome Soldier Unboxing Video Goes Horribly Wrong

Posted on October 29, 2022 by Joe Vella

SHADOW MOSES ISLAND, Alaska — FOXHOUND Genome soldier Greg Morris got more than he bargained for today while making an unboxing video at the nuclear weapons disposal facility on Shadow Moses Island, sources close to the matter have confirmed.

“I thought it was just a box,” Said Morris, who makes unboxing videos to pass the time while making deliveries to various groups of militants throughout the sprawling arctic compound. “I should have known something was up when it was just a single box, usually my hauls are much bigger than that.”

The box, labeled with only the words “TO NUCLEAR WARHEAD STORAGE” in crude permanent marker, did not carry warheads or arms to be used by FOXHOUND but rather a grown man who promptly knocked Morris out after being discovered.

“It was actually kind of astounding, he hit me 6 times and then I was out cold,” said Morris, who is now on waste clean-up detail for letting the man escape. “I captured the whole thing on camera, but looking back at the photos they all just show static, he must have had a signal jammer or something. What I can tell you about him is that he smelled like cigarettes. I guess this would have been really great as an actual unboxing video but unfortunately you’re just gonna have to take my word for it.”

Several more soldiers have come forward claiming to have encountered the same individual.

“I was just taking a whizz, and — BAM!’ someone knocked me out cold!” said one soldier. “I could see footprints in the snow, but they were being made by an invisible man! I think the nuclear waste might be giving people superpowers, which is actually something I explain in depth on my conspiracy theory YouTube channel.”

Following an exhaustive 99-second search of the area, the whereabouts of the now unboxed individual is still unknown. Morris says he plans to continue his unboxing videos with much smaller, less human-sized boxes.

Study Finds Children Who Play 1-2 Hours of Video Games a Day Will Beat Losers That Do Not

Posted on October 29, 2022 by Mark Roebuck

NEW HAVEN, Conn. — A groundbreaking new study has been published that finds that children who play one or two hours of video games a day will absolutely shred the dorks that were doing other stuff in that time, sources have confirmed.

“These findings prove what we’ve hypothesized for years,” said Dr. Laura Conklin, one of the scientists that conducted the study. “That there’s simply no shortcut to getting good. If you want your child to be able to hang at video games, the number one factor is whether or not they stay on their grind. Genetics, upbringing, education, really none of it is a good match for making sure your kids play an hour or two a day so as not to get completely embarrassed in front of their friends. There’s really no shortcut to raising a healthy gamer, I’m afraid.”

Many parents were shocked at the findings, and many have predicted it will cause a long term effect on parenting strategies.

“Wow, we were raising our son to be a well rounded kid: athletics, studies, and we thought he’d just game in his free time like we did growing up,” said Tyler Martin, a local parent. “But this new study suggests that he’s going to become the laughingstock of his group chat if we don’t make sure he stays sharp at whatever he and his friends are into at the moment. We’ve started homeschooling him and are just gonna do everything we can to make sure he gets good at video games as he ages. We’d do anything for our boy.”

The study took place over the last two months, with several groups of children with varying degrees of exposure to gaming being monitored for their overall PvP performance .

“The children that were deprived of video games were forced to play loser shit like freeze tag and basketball,” said Dr. Lewis Murdoch, another scientist that conducted the study. “It was chaotic, and a lot of the children fought with one another over various conflicts. However, the children that got to play video games were able to coordinate and execute high level strats together all while bullshitting in between matches and getting to be pretty good buds.”

“Needless to say, they shredded the other group of children when the time came,” he added. “It… it wasn’t even close.”

As of press time, the group of scientists were struggling to find funding for their next study, which aims to explore the effects mashing buttons has on loading screens.