Gary Kerls, Author at Hard Drive

Starfield How to Use Targeting Mode Guide

Posted on September 18, 2023 by Michelle Pereira

Now that you’ve got your best ship and armed it with the best ship weapons in Starfield, it’s time to make effective use of targeting mode in ship to ship combat. This Starfield guide will outline the prerequisites for the use of targeting mode, when and how to engage it, and what it looks like in action.

Targeting Mode Skill Requirement

Prior to even being able to use targeting mode in combat, you will need to invest a single skill point into the Targeting Control Systems skill which is under the Tech tab. This will also allow you to participate in the Challenges that unlock the higher ranks.

When And How To Engage Targeting Mode in Starfield

Your primary motivation for using targeting mode is so that you can focus on the enemy ship’s engines, in order to disable and board it for plunder. Other than that there is no discernible reason to ever even use targeting mode over basic free aim. If you are presented with multiple targets, note that you’re going to have to settle on a single target to ultimately board, after destroying the rest. Also make sure that your selection has enough Hull hit points remaining to withstand the damage it will inevitably sustain from targeted strikes. If possible, lean on ship weapons that do Electromagnetic damage, since that is what disables systems in particular. Disable your auto Turrets as well, so that they don’t inadvertently destroy the enemy ship.

Use free aim to chip away at the enemy ship’s shield, which is the thinner bar above the Hull hit points bar.
When it’s gone, maintain the ship within your targeting reticle, and you will see a prompt to “Select Target”, as seen above. Press the relevant button prompt, and the system will begin a “Locking” progress meter, which is fairly quick, but can be sped up some more by ranking up in the Targeting Control Systems skill.
Once complete, another prompt to “Target Lock” will appear, as seen below. Press the relevant button prompt to enter targeting mode.

Targeting Mode In Action

The targeting system lets you choose which of the enemy ship’s modules to focus fire upon. Use the button prompts to swap between modules. Prioritize weapons systems to prevent return fire, and then use your own Electromagnetic weapons system to destroy the engines. It is entirely possible to accidentally destroy the ship during this process, so exercise restraint with fire controls.

And that’s how to make proper use of the targeting mode system in Starfield. Check out our guide on the best Companion to take along with you as you proceed to board the enemy ship for plunder.

Disney Adult Objects to Being Called Adult

Posted on September 18, 2023 by Kyle Duggan

ROCHESTER, N.Y. — A local man objected to presumptions about his age after being called a “Disney Adult,” sources familiar with the situation have confirmed.

“‘Adult’ means grown-up, and grown-ups are mommies and daddies,” said a giggling Adam Wall, 35, as he sat in his highchair kicking his legs back and forth. “I’m not a daddy yet! I’m just a Disney baby! Maybe I’ll go to Never Never Land and live with Peter Pan and play games and fight pirates and be a little boy forever!”

Wall’s parents have grown increasingly distressed with his juvenile behavior.

“I know the housing and rental markets aren’t great, and we said he could stay with us as long as he wanted, but it’s becoming such a burden,” said Wall’s mother Janet, who added that she had hoped to retire three years ago. “Travel and accommodations for our tri-annual Disney World trips are just so expensive. I’d be thrilled if he would find a job, or even just a hobby besides this Disney stuff. Maybe then he could meet a nice girl who’s way too into Star Wars or something and they could settle down together.”

Mental health experts report that Wall’s case is not an isolated incident.

“The number of Disney adults displaying age dysmorphia has more than doubled in the last decade,” said Carole Goodwin, LMHC and doctoral candidate at the University of Central Florida. “Some of the individuals affected have children of their own and express the disorder by proxy, forcing them to wear Mickey Mouse onesies and only allowing them to watch classic Walt Disney animated movies. It’s a tragic, debilitating condition. We pushed for it to be included in the latest revision of the DSM V, but the chair is apparently close with Bob Iger.”

At press time, Wall was seen throwing a tantrum when his parents asked him to contribute to the Disney+ subscription after the price increases in October.

Gamer Spends Most of First Date Googling How to Get Best Ending

Posted on September 18, 2023 by Kyle Duggan

CHICAGO — Local software developer Gabe Williamson spent nearly the entirety of a recent first date scrolling through Google results on his phone trying to ascertain the best ending he could get, nosey restaurant patrons confirmed.

“He was on his phone practically the whole time,” said Melissa Schneider, Williamson’s patient date. “I would ask him a question, like, ‘What do you do for a living?’ and it was, like, boom, straight to the iPhone. I thought he was ignoring me, but after a few minutes, he would look back up, smile, and answer me. I don’t know why it would take him so long to remember that he was an investment banker who loved dogs and had a great relationship with his mother.”

Williamson explained that this behavior was not a nervous tic, but rather a conscious strategy.

“I just wanted everything to go well,” said Williamson, who added that he hadn’t heard from Schneider since the date. “I didn’t want to say the wrong thing and accidentally get locked out of any future content. I read a guide earlier in the day, but there’s a ton of dialogue options, so I couldn’t remember them all. When I searched for individual questions, most of the stuff I found was blogspam, so I had to scroll for a while before I found the right answer. I just wish I had made a new save file before I got to the restaurant so I could explore the other paths. I’ll never know what I missed out on.”

Experts have noted the proliferation of instructional romantic content on the internet over the last decade.

“There’s all sorts of dating advice online, and a lot of it can be useful if implemented wisely,” said Audrey Fischer, a relationship guru and self-help author. “Unfortunately, there’s a lot of junk out there, too. Less scrupulous outlets will steal content from other publications, copying and pasting it without context. Even worse, some websites are using AI to write completely nonsensical relationship guides. Sadly, computers are incapable of love.”

At press time, a review of Williamson’s search history revealed inquiries into how to “100%” a fulfilling and loving relationship.

Mustache Finger Tattoo Starting to Go Gray

Posted on September 18, 2023 by Naomi Krause

DALLAS — A horrified 41-year-old man was horrified to discover that his novelty finger mustache tattoo had started to turn gray, sources have confirmed.

“Man, you never think it’s gonna happen to your finger mustache tattoo,” said David Sanders, after discovering a few gray strands in the mustache inked into the inside of his first finger back in 2003. “I saw that Jim and Boner’s were both getting a little grey, and heck, Will’s just came off of his finger entirely, but I always thought mine was holding on strong. Oh well. Maybe the whole salt-and-pepper finger mustache vibe will be a good fit for me. Like George Clooney, if he had a stupid tattoo everyone was getting 20 years ago.”

Doctors said more and more men are discovering grey hairs in their finger mustache tattoos, and that it’s a perfectly normal part of the aging process.

“We know it can be freaky, but most finger mustache tattoos turn gray after a while,” said Dr. Peter Worthington, a local orthopedic doctor. “Sadly, not many tattoos or heads of hair keep their quality forever. Combining the two was always going to be a bad idea. If you’re sick of it, can you just use a razorblade and shave that layer of your skin off permanently? Why, yes. Yes you can.”

Friends of Sanders understood his mortified reaction to the tattoo.

“I mean not only is it turned gray, which is so weird by the way,” said someone, a friend of his. “But it’s also a reminder of how annoying he was right when he got it back in the day. It was fun for a night, I guess, but he really could have achieved the same thing with a Sharpie, when you think about it. Maybe he could use one now to color it black again, actually.”

As of press time, an embarrassed Sanders refused to take any pictures for the gathered press.

Pervert Zelda Boss Exposes Weak Point To Unsuspecting Subway Crowd

Posted on September 18, 2023 by Kenny Rohrbacher

WASHINGTON — Over a dozen people were left perturbed after a living wraith, later identified as 4,096 year old dungeon boss Miegeinos, The Infinite Sovereign, unbuckled his cloak and exposed his weak point to fellow Green Line patrons Thursday evening.

“It was… definitely noticeable, I’ll put it that way,” local passenger Leah Aaronson reported. “Which I suppose is kind of the point. God, I bet he gets off on this. The little fucker was issuing dark portents and dread proclamations the entire time, too. Ugh. What a freak. And it nearly happened a second time, since someone was just jamming the A button to get through the dialogue and almost said ‘yes’ when he asked if we wanted to see it again.”

The Undying King was eventually subdued by another passenger after a brief physical altercation, in which Miegeinos was Z-Targeted and then struck repeatedly in the obvious weak spot.

“I mean, come on. The thing is just right there,” said Metro Transit chief of police Michael Anzallo. “It’s like the first thing you notice when you look at this creep. Nevermind the fact that it’s flashing red and yellow. I’m glad we got this pervert off the street. Mark my words, DC: he won’t be exposing his weak point to anyone no more.”

In a statement to the press, the not-fully-voiced King Of All simply laughed, while his text box declared ‘I have seen the premonitions, I know what the oracles say. Those ladies loved it and want more!’

As of press time, Miegeinos will be serving his sentence in the boss room of the Ossified Feretory, for five to ten years, or possibly earlier if the Hero Of Hope shows up with the Fluted Trident, the one item that can end the Desiccated Emperor’s reign over life and undeath, first.

“I’ll Uh… Be Right Back,” Our Interview With Yoshihiro Togashi

Posted on September 18, 2023 by Kevin Podas

We spoke with legendary manga artist and notorious hermit Yoshihiro Togashi, the creator of Yu Yu Hakusho and Hunter × Hunter, to discuss his approach towards creativity and how that impacts his work ethic.

First of all, we just gotta know: is it ‘Hunter ECKS Hunter’ or ‘Hunter … Hunter’?

“It’s Hunter cross Hunter, actually. Just to spite everyone.”

Who is your favorite character in Yu Yu Hakusho?

“Kuwabara, obviously. I still resent my editors to this day for not letting me include him in the final story arc. Hunter × Hunter is a response to them, which is to say, ‘I do what I want, when I want, how I want it. Got that suckers?’”

We saw that you finally made a twitter account– with almost 3 million followers! Any chance we could get a follow back?

“I’m trying to keep my ‘following’ count kinda low. You know, at zero. Plus, I don’t really like satire very much.”

**You’re married to Sailor Moon creator Naoko Takeuchi– how did you two meet?**

“We were both workaholics when it came to making manga (laughter). We met at a workaholics anonymous meeting, actually.”

There’s an infamous photo out there of your living room. Is it still that messy?

“I did clean up, but then it got messy again. What’s the point of cleaning if it’s going to get messy again? Really makes ya think, huh?”

Are there any other manga authors out there who you are close with?

“A few, yeah. Like Masashi Kishimoto, the creator of Naruto. I let him steal a bunch of ideas from me every now and then, nobody seems to bat an eye so it’s all good.”

If you could choose any career in the world besides drawing manga, what would it be?

“I would be streaming video games online with the camera off, but that technology wasn’t available at the right time for me. It’s like that old saying goes: ‘Born too late to explore earth, born too early to explore space.’ This more or less applies to what I’m trying to say.”

There was recently a tribute exhibit honoring your legacy of work. Did you attend?

“No.”

**You’re very notorious for going on hiatus a lot. Hunter × Hunter has been running for many years, but you’ve oftentimes stepped away from publication for years at a time. Why is that?**

“A number of reasons, actually. Sometimes I have intense backpain, sometimes I want to play a new video game, and sometimes I just don’t feel like it. Don’t you ever get tired of writing bullshit satire articles like ‘what if Mario was real and he had a gun?'”

Fair point. How do you feel about your manga becoming worldwide sensations?

“People like my shit? Tight.”

A live-action adaptation of Yu Yu Hakusho has been announced by Netflix. One Piece was a success thanks to the creator’s involvement– will you be involved with production of the live-action Yu Yu Hakusho?

“Man, what do you think? Of course not. There’s a new Dragon Quest game coming out in the not too distant future and I need to have some time set aside for that. …And my family.”

So I think it’s pretty safe to say that you consider yourself to be an otaku?

“What? Ew, god no. I’m not an otaku, I’m simply an impassioned enthusiast of things that otaku also tend to enjoy. But no, I am not an otaku.”

Many have praised your use of worldbuilding in your stories. Would you consider yourself to be well-traveled?

“Yeah, well-traveled from my couch to the refrigerator! High five!”

When it comes to your work ethic, what inspires you to pick up the pen and draw?

“My editors blowing up my phone.”

**How do you feel looking back on your more forgotten, shorter-lived series Level E? Someone out there would probably be upset if we didn’t mention it.**

“Level E? What the hell are you talking about?”

**Are there any manga artists that you are not a fan of?**

“Yeah, that bastard Bill Watterson. I loved Calvin and Hobbes. Why did he have to end it? Why couldn’t he have have just gone on an ambiguous years-long hiatus?”

Hunter × Hunter came back from hiatus last year to much anticipation, and then it disappeared shortly after. Even Mr. Beast was in your corner responding to you on twitter. Is it over? Cancelled? Will it ever come back?

“I’ll uh… be right back.”

F-ZERO 99 Best Machine Guide: What is the Best Car to Use?

Posted on September 18, 2023 by Parker Johnson

Looking to use the best machine in F-ZERO 99? We’ve got you covered with our guide to the car you’re going to want to pilot in your race to the top of the 99-person pack! As of writing, there are 4 different machines available for players to choose from. Here’s how to decide the one that’s best for you!

What is the Best Machine in F-ZERO 99?

In our opinion, the best machine in the game is the Golden Fox. The quick boost charge time is unmatched by any other choice you have, giving you quite a lot of boost to work with every lap. Use this boost to break away from the pack and get a win! The machine has its drawbacks, though, mostly with its vulnerability to collisions. Getting hit by a car or a bad turn into the wall will cause you to bounce around the track like a pinball, burning your precious energy and possibly making you vulnerable to K.O. Overall, the Golden Fox takes a lot of skill to pilot well, but the risk will be worth the reward.

On the other hand, if you want the best F-ZERO 99 machine for beginner racers, you will likely be better off using the Wild Goose. This car is the most durable in the game, and isn’t easily thrown off by collisions. You can afford to get yourself into the action and be pretty rough, which can be helpful for charging your super boost meter and getting to the upper track. This car’s Achilles heel, though, is its low recharge rate. You’ll notice yourself getting a lot less energy per pit stop than other machines, which means you can’t boost as much as your competition. Overall, this is a great car to learn ropes, but you’ll likely want to switch over to the Golden Fox if you want to really pull away from the competition.

That’s all you need to know about the best machine in F-ZERO 99! While you’re here, check out our guide hubs for some of the best games in this packed year of gaming, Starfield and Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom!

50 PS1 Games Millennial Parents Should Force on Their Uninterested Kids

Posted on September 18, 2023 by Jacob VanGundy

My childhood memories are stuffed with afternoons spent with my parents forcing their nostalgia on me. Countless hours were lost watching Billy Jack and listening to Aerosmith, neither of which I’d chosen. The only thing that got me through those harrowing experiences was the promise that someday I’d be able to force the things I love on my own children in an act of petty, displaced vengeance. As my fellow millennials enter parenthood, I encourage them to sit their children down with these PS1 games to make them understand that the greatest console of all time is the one you had growing up.

1. Grand Theft Auto

A great way to trick your kid into engaging with your nostalgia is to present them with an older version of something they know. Your kid probably knows GTAV as a game where Twitch streamers pretend to be accountants. You’re going to blow their mind when you show them this top-down crime simulator and insist it’s the same game.

2. Final Fantasy VIII

With such a long-running, beloved, franchise it’s hard to present a Final Fantasy game that’s properly alienating for today’s children. If you show them VII they’ll think of the popular remake. If you show them IX they might gain an appreciation for the games that predate your nostalgia. Final Fantasy VIII hits the sweet spot of feeling dated without calling back to that Super Nintendo garbage your older brother likes.

3. Tekken 3

Tekken 3 is a great game to show your kids because you can complain about the franchise going 3D. Your kid will be so distracted by how annoying you are they won’t even notice you’re just spamming the same cheesy laser eye attack with Devil Jin.

4. Silent Hill

It’s important for your kid to know that if they fuse with a demon someday you won’t hesitate to take them out. Establish dominance by getting one of the bad endings, looking them in the eye, and saying, “Cheryl had to go.”

5. Metal Gear Solid

The best part about this one is that you’re going to have to explain memory cards to your kid when you get to the Psycho Mantis fight. That’s going to open the door for so many stories your kid won’t care about. Maybe you can even complain about your parents not buying you a memory card to make the kid understand how much better you are than grandpa and grandma.

6. Brave Fencer Musashi

Halfway through making your kid play this game, you’re going to realize you never actually played it, you just watched another kid play it in elementary school. Don’t let that stop you from calling it an underrated classic.

7. Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 2

This one will be an easy sell because it has Spider-Man in it. Little does your kid know the game also includes your long-winded explanation of both Tony Hawk and ska.

8. Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain

This game is how you prove to your child that you were cool and edgy as a kid. Make sure to point out that it was rated M but you played it when you were in 5th grade. Pretty cool right? You also watched an R-rated movie on your friend Andy’s birthday. No big deal. You were just cool like that.

9. PaRappa the Rapper

Just keep telling your kid that this is just what all rap sounded like in 1997. If they aren’t convinced you can break out your CD copy of Big Willie Style to prove it.

10. Syphon Filter

It’s literally impossible to explain to a child who’s seen modern games how crazy the flashlight was in Syphon Filter. Hype it up anyway like you’re back in 1999. Just keep saying, “This is going to blow your mind, there’s a flashlight in this game and it works like a real flashlight. It’s crazy.” Then get really indignant when they get to the dark parts and don’t react at all to the majesty of turning on a flashlight.

11. Twisted Metal

Your kid will be so psyched to finally understand the origins of the hit Peacock original series Twisted Metal. They’ll be the coolest kid in school when they show up with all that deep lore about the hottest show of 2023.

12. Monster Rancher

Honestly, if your kid doesn’t freak out when you show them how to get special monsters using different CDs they have no joy in their hearts. Put them up for adoption and make a new one, there’s no hope for that child.

13. Driver

When you show Driver to your kid they’re going to assume this is GTA even if you already made them play the original GTA. Don’t bother fighting them on it, just start calling it old GTA because that’s what it is now.

14. Resident Evil 2

Watching a child play Resident Evil 2 will give you plenty of opportunities to flex another crucial parenting skill: hypercriticism. “Stop wasting bullets on normal zombies.” “Why didn’t you write down that locker combination?” “No, you can’t just google the puzzle.” “Kids these days just don’t appreciate magnum bullets.”

15. Legend of Mana

The great thing about Legend of Mana is that half the mechanics don’t actually work how the game says they do. The only real way to understand what’s going on is by utilizing a comprehensive fan-made guide. That’s right, you finally get to introduce your kid to GameFAQs.

16. Castlevania: Symphony of the Night

Silent Hill is the game you play to let your kid know you’ll take them down if they turn evil. This is the game you play to see how cool your kid will be murdering you if you turn evil. Whether that’s a good thing or not depends on how okay you are with becoming a vampire lord.

17. Ehrgeiz: God Bless the Ring

Ehrgeiz is the perfect game to force on your kid because unless you’re a fan of Final Fantasy VII it’s just an aggressively mediocre fighting game. Actually, now that Smash has Cloud and Sephiroth, even if you are a Final Fantasy VII superfan it’s hard to ignore how mediocre this game is. Maybe you’ll bond over being disappointed together.

18. Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit

The problem with racing games today is that they don’t have any attitude. I mean in this ’90s game you weren’t doing boring street races, you were trying to get away from murder-happy cops. What do you mean they’re still making Hot Pursuit games?

19. Suikoden II

The PS1 Suikoden games are getting remasters soon so you have a limited window of time to justifiably force the originals on your kids. How will they appreciate all the quality of life improvements if they don’t suffer through the archaic elements of a 25-year-old game first?

20. Bushido Blade 2

You’re never going to beat your kid at a modern fighting game. Give up on that dream. Instead, make them play this weird one-hit-kill game from your childhood and obliterate them. Just make sure they understand that playing Highwayman is cheating because he has a gun. Why is he even in this sword-fighting game?

21. Crash Bandicoot

It’s essential to introduce your kid to Crash before big Nintendo gets to them. You can’t have your kid running around idolizing a plumber when they should be idolizing a furry with fingerless gloves.

22. Tenchu: Stealth Assassins

Ninjas were everywhere in the ’80s and ’90s. Now there’s only Naruto. It’s an indictment of our generation that we let that trend die because ninjas are fucking cool. Showing your kid Tenchu is the first step to bringing ninjas back.

23. Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together

We’re living in a golden age of tactical RPGs but these days they all have relationship systems and life sim elements. This game is all tactical thinking, RPG crunch, and politics. Are we trying to raise happy, well-adjusted, people here or are we trying to create the next Alexander the Great?

24. MediEvil

Like most late ’90s media, this game is just a blatant attempt to cash in on Tim Burton’s whole deal. If we don’t teach the children our history they’ll be doomed to repeat it.

25. The Fifth Element

Speaking of not repeating the past, it’s important to make your kid play some truly dogshit games based on great movies. The Fifth Element is the perfect choice for this valuable lesson.

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Leisure Suit Larry Removed from Performance of Beetlejuice Musical

Posted on September 17, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

DENVER — Known sex pest and former video game star Leisure Suit Larry was reportedly removed from a recent performance of the Beetlejuice musical at The Buell Theater for conducting lewd acts in the audience, sources have confirmed.

“I couldn’t believe what that pervert was doing next to me,” said an audience member from last night’s performance. “He kept bumping into me in the dark, and so I shined my cell phone light at him and he was fully slapping his dick around right there in the audience! I couldn’t believe it. What kind of sicko does that? It didn’t even seem like he was enjoying it, he was just knocking it back and forth like it was some kind of sick game to him. I can’t believe that fucking freak has any fans at all, to be honest. His whole schtick is appalling.”

Following the removal of Leisure Suit Larry, The Buell Theater issued a public statement that contained a plea for sexual restraint amongst ticketholders.

“[W]e really can’t believe we have to say this next bit,” the statement read in part. “But due to multiple recent incidents, we at The Buell Theater advise all ticketholders to upcoming Beetlejuice shows maybe get their rocks off before they leave the house, or at the very least before they take their seats. The rampant sexual activity in the audience lately has sadly deterred from what we feel is a really good show! To anyone that is thinking of coming to see Beetlejuice: We swear, a lot of people are watching the show and enjoying it. They’re not all getting busy out there in the dark.”

As of press time, Leisure Suit Larry had indicated that he still intended to seek a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives in 2024 despite the controversy.

Man Slowly Realizing Childhood ‘Nintendogs’ Cartridge Didn’t Go To Farm Upstate

Posted on September 17, 2023 by Gabe Porter

Cincinnati, OHIO — Donovan Henry has reportedly been inching closer to realizing that his beloved copy of Nintendogs from his childhood did not, in fact, end up at a farm upstate, sources have confirmed.

“I was reminiscing about my childhood, as most adults my age do, and remembered how much I loved playing with all my virtual dogs,” Henry said. “I remembered when I lost it and how sad I was. Fortunately, my parents told me that it merely ran away and was playing with all the other lost DS games and just picturing my copy of Nintendogs living its best life, frolicking with all the other games I’ve lost. Well, it just put a smile on my face. However, I’m starting to think that maybe, just maybe, there isn’t a magical farm that has all my DS games, and it’s truly gone forever. And it’s also been almost two decades, so that thing’s most definitely dead either way.”

Henry’s parents are surprised their son is still focused on this event.

“I was pretty sure he knew it was bullshit when I first told him, so it’s nice to know my lies are pretty effective.” said Marc Henry, Donovan’s father. “It was just too hard to admit that we got the game all wet, and we really didn’t want to shell out however much it’d be to fix it. So, we wracked our brains and came up with the best excuse we could find – that the game had escaped and went to live on a farm. Can’t believe it stuck.”

Nintendog Whisperer Cesar Bari expressed that this is all too common an occurrence.

“Yes, it’s deplorable when a parent cannot tell their child the truth.” Bari said. “Be it them accidentally running the cartridge over, or just losing it during a big move, parents will try and soften the devastating blow that all your pets are gone forever and you have to restart your file. Some will try and get a new cart, but this is even worse. Kids can always tell with that kind of stuff. Believe me, I tried.”

As of press time, Henry was seen calling used game stores upstate and asking them to describe the used Nintendogs cartridges they had over the phone.