Wow! YouTuber’s Video Topic Lines Up Perfectly With Their Recent Experiences on SkillShare

Posted on by Seth Finkelstein

NEW YORK — Viewers were stunned to discover a recent video essay from YouTuber MoviePhoneSam happened to have a lot in common with a recent online course the content creator took on SkillShare. 

“Now, Eddie Brock got in a lot of trouble trying to sell fake pictures to the Daily Bugle, but editing photographs isn’t actually as hard as it seems, as I learned in a recent Photoshop course I took on SkillShare,” said MoviePhoneSam at the end of their video “Why Spider-Man 3 Is An Underrated CLASSIC!” “ You too can learn tools and expertise that can help you nail that job interview, discover a new hobby, and more with my promo code MOVIEPHONE. Just don’t tell Jonah!”

Many recent SkillShare users reported serendipity between their use of the platform and recent events in their lives. 

“I was sitting in Central Park the other day and people kept coming up to ask me to take pictures of them in front of Bethesda Fountain,” said freelancer Carol North. “This isn’t too unusual, it’s a hotspot for tourists after all. But I had just that morning finished a course on iPhone photography. It felt too weird to just be a coincidence, right?”

When reached for comment, SkillShare CEO Derek Braverman praised the company’s recent success, but expressed concern about its effect on its customers. 

“Here’s the thing. I’m happy to sell more subscriptions. But we’re not making deals with these people. This is happening on its own. We don’t even have a marketing department!”

At press time, President Joe Biden announced the recent prisoner exchange with Iran had a lot in common with a course they recently took on negotiating contracts through SkillShare.

Editors Note: Working on this article was made so much easier thanks to a recent course on maintaining focus while writing.

REVIEW: ‘Mortal Kombat 1’ on the Switch is Held Back by Subpar Graphics

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

Mortal Kombat 1, one of the year’s most highly anticipated games, released this week, and sadly the Switch version’s graphics are quite a letdown. It would be absurd to expect a similar quality to the Xbox and PlayStation counterparts, of course, but I’m afraid the downgrade is too much in this instance to recommend the purchase, especially with its $70 price tag. 

Mortal Kombat 1 touts itself as a reimagining of the franchise’s timeline, yet it’s hardly a back to basics approach on the PS5 and current Xboxes. While starting a new chapter of story, the gameplay is a continued evolution of the Mortal Kombat style that’s been adding depth and nuances for decades at this point. If the complicated fighting style overwhelms you, then it actually makes it a little easier to recommend the Switch version, as most of that stuff isn’t in there. But you can High Punch the shit out of your opponent. The blood looks really good, too! 

Old favorites Sub-Zero and Rayden both made the MK1 roster!

Mortal Kombat 1 on the Switch is decent, let’s be clear. It’s got some of the game’s most iconic characters, as well as some truly vivid locations. A lot has been made, unfairly in my opinion, about the game’s clearly inferior graphics on the Nintendo hardware. And while that is true, a lot of people are choosing to focus on the negatives and not the positives, like that fun minigame where you see how many wooden boards you can karate chop your way through. Gamers, critics, and fanbases are all just very cynical, I’m afraid. Mortal Kombat 1 on the Nintendo Switch was probably never going to be given a very fair shake. It’s got some redeeming qualities!

Ultimately, however, the disappointing graphics do make this a hard game to recommend. You can tell MK1 on the Switch was made with effort and love, but it’s just underwhelming on a technical level. There’s no ray tracing or anything like that. They do have this cool thing where you can knock your enemy down to the bottom of a pit with just an uppercut, but that hardly makes up for the outdated graphical style on display here. 

Maybe one day there will be a Mortal Kombat 2 that could be a huge step forward for the series. Until that day, this unimpressive version of Mortal Kombat will have to do. Oh, unless you have any other console! 

The game’s death sequences remain as vivid and grisly as ever
Check out our Mortal Kombat and Mario Kart shirts, available for a limited time! 

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‘Untitled Goose Game’ Developers Embarrassed They Still Can’t Think Of One

Posted on by Joe Rumrill

MELBOURNE — Representatives from House House, the company behind the popular Untitled Goose Game, are reportedly very self-conscious over still not being able to come up with said title, frustrated sources with one just on the tip of their tongue confirm.

“I can’t believe we released it without one. C’mon, man, think! Thiiiiiiiiink!!! It’s been almost five years now!” wailed designer and House House co-founder Stuart Gillespie Hook, while intensely staring at a scale model of the Goose Game like a forsaken god. “The damn thing still doesn’t have a proper title, and it’s starting to get a little ridiculous getting my ass kicked by upset gamers over that fact every day on my walk to and from work. THIIIIIINK, DAMN YOU!”

Amid the uproar, contemporary artists across the world have attempted to bolster the non-titling of the work.

“We modern artists have been not-titling our greatest creations for centuries!” said oatmeal-sculptor Hiram Trythall, as they slopped a spoon into a big vat of dyed-purple steel-cuts and tried to make it look like ‘wartorn Pittsburgh’. “Sure, it makes alphabetization an absolute shit-show, but we as artists need to come together and agree: sometimes coming up with a title is too damn hard and some of us are quite lazy! Untitled Goose Game stays, huzzah!”

Nintendo officials couldn’t believe the gaffe, and have spent years fielding irate phone calls since the game’s release.

“Every second of the damn day someone’s calling in from around the world thinking their game’s defective because it came without a title. Buddy, call me when there’s no goose, THEN we’ll have a real problem,” said Nintendo helpline attendant Phil Silanti, while chain smoking three cigarettes simultaneously. “I swear, the last time we had this much trouble was when we released Minecraft and dummies started complaining ‘why is it YOURcraft???’ Christ…”

At press time, House House was nearing a unanimous decision on the perfect name: Titled Goose Game.

Starfield Unique Ship Modules Guide: All Vendor Locations

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

Looking for the ship vendors who sell unique modules for your personalized ship build in Starfield? Once you have bought the best ship, and outfitted it with the best ship weapons, you will probably want to expand your horizons further with ship modules that make you stand out from the pack, or maybe even build one completely from scratch. This Starfield guide will identify each of the official manufacturer-owned shipyards and vendors, as well as their locations across the galaxy.

Nikau Henderson

Nikau is located aboard the Deimos Staryard, in the orbit of Mars’ moon Deimos in the Sol System. The manufacturer Deimos itself specializes in a militaristic aesthetic in their Structural parts. Several of their massive bridges are unique to this Staryard as well:

  • DS30.1 Ares Bridge
  • DS30.2 Ares Bridge
  • DS40.1 Ares Bridge
  • DS40.2 Ares Bridge

Inaya Rehman: Starfield Unique Ship Modules

Hopetech is represented by Inaya Rehman in the HopeTech building, in the settlement of HopeTown, on Polvo in the Valo System. A great aesthetic choice for crafting your perfect cargo/hauler ship design, their Structural category is one to browse thoroughly, especially for spines that can be traversed through. The Overseer Bridge line can be placed atop nodes, unlike most other cockpits which are connected at the rear of the module.

  • Hopetech Radiator
  • Hope 4 Landing Bay
  • Overseer 300 Bridge
  • Overseer 300E Bridge
  • Overseer 400 Bridge

Veronica Young: Starfield Ship Vendor

The representative for Taiyo Astroneering is Veronica Young who makes her offices in the Taiyo Astroneering Store inside Ryujin Tower, in the city of Neon, on Volii Alpha in the Volii System. With the nicest store aesthetics of all ship manufacturers, you can actually walk around in lifesize models of their cockpits.

  • Samurai Enhanced Cockpit
  • Daimyo Enhanced Cockpit
  • Shogun Enhanced Cockpit
  • Himeji Command Bridge

Havershaw: Starfield Unique Ship Modules Vendors

Havershaw, one of the unique ship modules vendors in Starfield.

Havershaw represents Stroud-Eklund aboard their very own Stroud-Eklund Staryard in the orbit of Deepala’s moon Dalvik, in the Narion System. Their cockpits designs tend to have them be placed atop modules.

  • Stability Pro Landing Bay
  • Kon-Tiki B-300 Bridge

Nova Galactic Ship Services Technician

This unnamed Ship Services Technician is in the settlement of New Homestead, on Saturn’s moon Titan in the Sol System, and represents the ship manufacturer Nova Galactic. Nova Galactic has exceptionally unique aesthetics, making Habs and Structural the categories that you should be paying attention to, as well as the two-tiered cockpit.

  • Cabot C3 Bridge
  • Cabot C3X Bridge
  • Cabot C4 Bridge

Lon Anderssen: Starfield Buy Shielded Cargo Holds & Scan Jammers

Lon can be found in the Red Mile facility, on Porrima III in the Porrima System. In keeping with the shady nature of this entire locale, the Red Mile’s ship technician sells exactly what a space-faring criminal needs.

  • Shielded Cargo Holds from a variety of manufacturers
  • Scan Jammers

That was all six of the ship vendors that stock unique ship parts in Starfield. Be sure to check out our guide on how to move faster on the ground with the alternate boost jump method.

Top 50 Games You Are Guaranteed to Quit Before Finishing

Posted on by Kyle Duggan

The one thing I like more than starting a new video game is walking away from one, knowing that I’ll never have to commit time or energy to playing it ever again. If you’re like me, the list below will come in handy when you’re deciding which game you’ll abandon forever just as it’s getting good.

1. Kingdom Hearts III

Sometimes, you’ll trudge through a disappointing game in a series you love in the hope that the ending will somehow redeem it. There was never any hope for that, here. It’s just a mess.

2. Advance Wars 1+2: Re-Boot Camp

After a few missions, it will really sink in that this is just the same experience you had on your GBA a thousand times over in 2003. Hey, it was still a decent use of that Nintendo Switch Voucher you got for Tears of the Kingdom.

3. Baldur’s Gate 3

You’ll spend 80 hours in this game, making a dozen characters. None of them will see the end of Act 2.

4. Star Wars Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords

Everyone told you you had to get the Restored Content Mod, but they didn’t tell you how boring the cut droid planet is.

5. Alien Isolation

Either you’ll be too scared to even get to the part where the Xenomorph is revealed, or you’ll get bored by the desperately stretched-out and repetitive content in the final act of the game. In both cases, you’re not seeing the ending.

6. Fire Emblem: Three Houses

You think you’re a tough guy, so you’ll leave permadeath on when starting the game. Then a single character will die and you won’t be able to bring yourself to continue. It’s a tale as old as time.

7. Splatoon 3

I know some people love the single-player campaign in this one, but come on. Don’t you want to party up for some Salmon Run?

8. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II

With an install size that big, I thought for sure it would be worthwhile. Honestly, though, I just never really felt like playing it. I bet you’ll probably feel the same way.

9. Nioh

I’m not saying you won’t like the game. You probably will. But you’ll burn out long before you get to Nioh‘s true ending.

10. Starfield


Maybe you’re the kind of person who likes to navigate through a series of labyrinthian menus in order to change your space helmet so you get slightly better protection against a certain type of damage. It doesn’t really matter, though, since all the combat will blur together until your brain is completely checked out.

11. Skyrim

Honestly, who cares about all that Dragonborn nonsense? I’d rather steal a bunch of wooden cutlery and pile it all up in my house, wouldn’t you?

12. Horizon Zero Dawn

Okay, this might be a personal one. I just think regular dinosaurs are cooler than robot dinosaurs. It’s all just a bit “hat-on-a-hat” for me.

13. Sid Meier’s Civilization VI

What’s that, you think you finished this game? Oh, are you currently ruling the world? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

14. Stardew Valley

You’ll boot the game back up after a week away and stand paralyzed at your storage chests. You just know you had a plan for all this copper. Was it really just sprinklers? It felt so much grander last Saturday.

15. Pillars of Eternity

The game is at least accurately named.

16. Just Cause 2

Honestly, who cares about finishing the story? Have fun blowing stuff up. That’s why we’re here.

17. Grand Theft Auto 2

It came in a bundle, and it seemed like a good idea to have historical context for the series. You’ll get your fill of context in less than five minutes.

18. Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 1+ 2

It’s okay that you didn’t 100% this one. You got your money’s worth out of it. Reliving your youth doesn’t mean you have the kind of free time you did back then.

19. The Witcher 3

There’s just so much to do. Sure, you’ll beat it someday. But first, let’s do a few sidequests, okay?

20. Shadow of the Tomb Raider

Eventually, you’re going to get sick of watching that poor lady get brutally killed.

21. Fallout 4

Another settlement needs our help.

22. Animal Crossing: New Horizons

During lockdown, we all thought we were going to 100% our catalogs and museums. How’s that been going for you?

23. Hidden Object Vacation

C’mon. You think you’re gonna find *all* the hidden objects? What are you, some kind of super brain?

24. Stray

It’s a cool little kitty platforming demo until the robot story takes over. They just announced a movie; it’ll probably be easier to watch that.

25. Dragon Age: Inquisition

I know it’s supposed to be a great game, but we were all Bioware-d out by this point. It’s like getting into a long-term relationship.

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Raid Announces Pikmin Spray

Posted on by Seth Finkelstein

RACINE, Wis. — SC Johnson unveiled today a new product in their Raid line of pest control products designed to eliminate Pikmin infesting customers’ homes and gardens.

“Finding Pikmin in your home is bad enough. Trying to get rid of them? That’s no game,” said SC Johnson Director of Marketing Tory Walker. “We all know how frustrating it can be to get rid of those little multi-colored pests. But Raid’s new Ultra-Deadly Spray protects both inside and outdoor areas from all varieties of Pikmin. Even Purple Pikmin don’t stand a chance!”

Ultra-Deadly Spray is available both as an aerosol spray and as a bunch of little red balls that Pikmin can’t resist carrying away.

“I woke up last night and came down for a glass of water and what do I find? A bunch of Pikmin hanging out in my kitchen, sliding around on the little rails I set up and carrying away all my grapes,” said Ultra Deadly Spray user John Gaines. “Luckily I had some of this brand new Ultra-Deadly Spray which took care of them. Their screams almost woke my wife up!”

Pikmin creator Shigeru Miyamoto urged the company to discontinue production of the spray, citing unknown environmental consequences and cruelty to whatever kind of animal a Pikmin is.

“When I created the Pikmin, all I wanted was to bring my newfound love of gardening to as many people as possible,” said Miyamoto, staring out the window as a heavy Kyoto rain fell outside Nintendo headquarters. “I wonder now if they were simply too innocent to survive in our world. Maybe we deserve to be washed away.”

At press time, SC Johnson also announced a line of Pellet Decoys that kill every Pikmin instantly upon being returned to an Onion

Grizzled Nexus Modder Pulled Out of Retirement to Fix One Last Bethesda Game

Posted on by Matt Shore

LEXINGTON, Ky. 一 A former Nexus modder was called out of retirement to fix the latest bug-riddled masterpiece by popular game developer Bethesda Softworks, sources have confirmed. 

Nicholas Congin, 38, known in the Nexus modding community as D4rkXpl0it or “Xploit” for short, received his marching orders on Sep. 1 when Bethesda’s Starfield went into early access. His former colleagues in the Nexus community began spamming him with messages, begging him to “save” Starfield with his trademark blend of bug fixes and hardcore pornography.

“I started modding in 2010 with Fallout: New Vegas,” said Congin. “There were a couple game-breaking bugs that I fixed, like how none of the female characters had ginormous exposed breasts with realistic jiggle physics. Once ‘Massive Boobs Extreme + Bug Fixes 1.0’ went live, I finally put some respect on my name.”

Congin’s popularity grew as he modded 2011’s The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, adding volumetric weather affects, an improved inventory management system, and a penis-shaped sword named Cumslaught that could ejaculate fireballs. But when Congin attempted to add a compelling story and non-boring base building system to 2015’s Fallout 4, the process nearly broke him.

“Xploit was working on a really sexy mod that would’ve replaced Nick Valentine with Donkey Kong, but he just got burned out and bailed,” explained fellow modder Sh4d0wTh13f. “I didn’t think he’d mod again. That is, until I saw the long loading times and lack of full-on penetration in Starfield. I texted him, and he was like, ‘I saw. Already on it.’”

Bowing to peer pressure and popular demand, Congin set to work on optimizations for Starfield, including an improved upscaler, stabilized frame rate, and velvety smooth ass implants for Vasco the robot. Comments on his mods suggest that his fans are “able to run Starfield on a potato” and “blasting off in (their) pants” thanks to Congin’s contributions. 

Even Starfield game director Todd Howard is relieved to have Congin back in the community.

“At Bethesda we rely on unpaid modders to finish our games for us so that we can move on to our next paid projects guilt-free,” Howard explained. “Xploit is a big part of why I’m able to sleep comfortably at night. Plus, his Doja Cat Twerking Terrormorph mod doesn’t hurt.”

God Damn It: RPG Boss’s Arms And Legs Also Targetable

Posted on by Kevin Podas

A DARK CAVE — During a long and drawn out boss fight that wasn’t yielding many results in the way of damage, a battle-weary RPG party quickly realized that the boss’ arms and legs were also targetable in addition to its head and main body.

“Oh my god, I just moved the cursor and it looks like we’re supposed to be hitting its arms and legs too,” said the plucky protagonist, gripping his sword in disbelief. “Instead of just wailing on its body with special moves, limit breaks, and triple attacks, now we have to focus on also taking out its appendages? And let me guess– they regenerate after a certain point and heal the main body too, don’t they? …Man, I can’t believe I broke my role as the silent protagonist for this.”

The stoic antagonist-turned-protagonist of the team chimed in with some thoughts on the revelation as well.

“…” said the stoic mage. “That’s ‘dot dot dot’, if anyone didn’t hear me. Heh– no matter. We’ll just keep killing that monster over and over. I won’t even need the princess’ healing magic or the ample amount of potions that restore a measly 20 HP either. And uh, nobody revive me if I fall in battle, either. You guys seem fully capable of finishing this if I can’t, so I’ll just… catch up with you all later.”

The boss in question, a large rock monster with an annoying fucking face, was maintaining firm control over the situation.

“LOL, I just love being fucking obnoxious, honestly”, said the boss, a floating torso with appendages that animated just enough to look like separate targets. “I’m surprised they didn’t pick up on it after I kept using my left leg to do a powerful sweeping kick to attack the whole team. It was so funny watching them heal over and over, scrambling around trying to figure out why I wasn’t dead yet. Sometimes I think I’m only like this because I didn’t get enough attention growing up, but for now, I’m gonna keep being unnecessarily aggro.”

At press time, the boss’s arms and legs were simultaneously defeated, allowing the RPG party to wail on its main body until it slowly dispersed in mid-air turning into a wealth of EXP points.

‘Flappy Bird’ Guy Gets $12 Million Bill From Unity

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

Designer of 2002’s virally popular mobile game Flappy Bird, Dong Nguyne, has reportedly received a 12 million dollar bill from the developers of the Unity game engine, due to new retroactive installation fees they’ve implemented. 

“This doesn’t make any sense at all,” said Nguyen, who famously delisted the word-of-mouth hit after its popularity soared to unexpected heights. “I never wanted the trouble that came with having the most popular game of a given moment, and that was before these idiots started talking about charging someone every time their game was downloaded. Please just leave me alone! Also, I didn’t even use the Unity engine.” 

Executives from Unity defended the controversial decision to apply arbitrary fees to things like downloaded demos and reinstallations of previously played games. 

“You have to understand,” said Unity executive Marc Whitten. ”We’re trying to make as much money as possible here. We’re glad the kids are enjoying their hobby for children, but it’s paramount to all of our success that you stand back and let the grown ups manipulate the thing they’re passionate about in a way that prioritizes shaking people down for every fucking cent we can. We’re sorry if our dedication to capitalism has upset any of our developers. We’re very sorry you feel that way. We feel really bad about it.” 

As of press time, Unity had apologized for charging the Flappy Bird guy 12 million dollars, and also went ahead and released their next few public apologies pre-emptively, to stay ahead of things. 

Controversial Leak Reveals Microsoft Once Tried to Have Diddy Kong Killed

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

REDMOND, Wash. — A controversial leak revealing Microsoft’s internal conversations and plans has unveiled a startling discovery: the tech giant once attempted to hire a hitman to assassinate popular Nintendo character Diddy Kong. 

“And you’ll do it? You’ll kill that fucking monkey?” reads one of many damning email exchanges between Microsoft Gaming CEO Phil Spencer and an undercover agent he believed at the time to be a marksmen for hire. “If we can’t acquire these assholes, we’re gonna hit them where it hurts. And I don’t mean their wallet, I mean I want to torture and kill Diddy Kong and then see what happens the next time we offer to buy them. I want to be clear here, make sure he feels everything. Your money will be given to you upon completion.” 

Spencer quickly went into damage control mode after the leak went public. 

“Whoa, can’t you guys tell a joke when you read one?” Spencer asked gathered reporters in his front lawn this morning. “First of all, I don’t even think Diddy Kong is real. Why would I spend our hard earned money trying to kill a fictional character? Also, concerning that message where I say ‘Find out if that monkey is real or not and kill it if it is,’ that’s just my sense of humor. That’s how I kid around.” 

The shocking and illegal revelation overshadowed many other details about upcoming Xbox plans and products. 

“Wow, there’s so many cool things, like new systems and remastered games like Fallout 3 and Oblivion,” said local gamer Kyle Waters. “But I really can’t get past the fact that Microsoft thought they would somehow gain an advantage in the console space if they somehow had Diddy Kong murdered in cold blood. Those guys should just focus on console exclusives and keeping Game Pass good, if you ask me. Not trying to acquire and/or murder the competition.” 

As of press time, Spencer was seen joking with the reporters on his lawn that he had a gun in his waistband. 

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