July 19, 2022 Zelda Boss Not Too Happy About Being Called Evil by Guy Who Showed Up in Her Dungeon and Tried to Murder Her Zelda Boss Not Too Happy About Being Called Evil by Guy Who Showed Up in Her Dungeon and Tried to Murder Her HYRULE — While minding her own business, the parasitic armored arachnid known as Queen Gohma was suddenly assaulted this week at the hands of a…
June 30, 2022 Old Man in Cave Unable to Give Link Sword Due to Supply Chain Issues Old Man in Cave Unable to Give Link Sword Due to Supply Chain Issues HYRULE — The mysterious old man near Link’s spawn location in Hyrule has been hit by the shortage in magical wood from The Lost Woods…
June 15, 2022 Hyrule Shop Whose One Sole Purpose Is Making and Selling Bombs Currently Out of Bombs Hyrule Shop Whose One Sole Purpose Is Making and Selling Bombs Currently Out of Bombs HYRULE KINGDOM — A longstanding independently owned and operated bomb shop that is in the strict business of making and selling bombs is currently out…
May 23, 2022 Dipshit in Zelda Shirt Can’t Even Say Three Link Quotes Dipshit in Zelda Shirt Can’t Even Say Three Link Quotes KANSAS CITY, Miss. — A local poser in a tri-force shirt reportedly couldn’t even name three things Link has said in the iconic Legend of…
May 17, 2022 Ocarina Center Employee Sick of Everyone Playing ‘Zelda’s Lullaby’ Ocarina Center Employee Sick of Everyone Playing ‘Zelda’s Lullaby’ HYRULE VILLAGE — An employee of the local Ocarina Center has reportedly lost his patience for customers playing ‘Zelda’s Lullaby’ on the store’s merchandise. “Here…
May 12, 2022 So-Called “Hero” of Time Places Bomb in Villager’s Home So-Called “Hero” of Time Places Bomb in Villager’s Home ORDON VILLAGE — The young boy many villagers have proclaimed to be the chosen one that would slay Ganondorf and restore peace to Hyrule has…
April 22, 2022 Nintendo Fan Thinks ‘Breath of the Wild 2’ Needs More Plot, Better Voice Acting, Environmentalist Themes, Animated Cutscenes, and to Be ‘Princess Mononoke Nintendo Fan Thinks ‘Breath of the Wild 2’ Needs More Plot, Better Voice Acting, Environmentalist Themes, Animated Cutscenes, and to Be ‘Princess Mononoke SAN FRANCISCO — Nintendo fan Dylan Summers unveiled his wishlist for the hotly-anticipated sequel to 2017’s The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, all…
March 30, 2022 Nintendo Admits They Totally Spaced on Starting Breath of the Wild 2 Nintendo Admits They Totally Spaced on Starting Breath of the Wild 2 REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo shocked and disappointed the gaming world earlier this week when it confirmed that developers had just straight up had forgot to…
February 11, 2022 Link From ‘Link’s Awakening’ So Happy to No Longer Be in a Dream World But Instead Starving to Death in the Middle of the Ocean Link From ‘Link’s Awakening’ So Happy to No Longer Be in a Dream World But Instead Starving to Death in the Middle of the Ocean OPEN WATERS, Hyrule — Hero of legend Link was reportedly thrilled to find himself dying of hunger in the cold sea after saving a giant…
