Naomi Krause

September 14, 2021

Pokémon Isn’t Shiny, Just Really Inbred

NEW BARK TOWN, Johto — A novice trainer mistook a horrifyingly deformed Pokémon for a rare, naturally occurring Shiny variant, as part of a startling…

August 19, 2021

Every SNES Game You Don’t Own Now Worth Over $100

PEORIA, Ill. — Game industry analysts tracking the resale price of classic video games have noticed the remarkable coincidence that every single Super Nintendo cartridge…

July 2, 2021

Report: Local Wizard About to Do Some Major Orb Shit

MADISON, Wis. — Notorious local spellcaster Angwyn Abernant has been spotted fondling his crystal ball for five hours straight, with many residents anticipating some crazy…

June 27, 2021

Asshole D&D Player Can’t Make Session Because ‘Their Parents Died’

MIDDLETON, Wis. — Local dipshit and occasional tabletop gamer Christian Taylor has cancelled on his supposedly regular Dungeons and Dragons group yet again with the…

April 23, 2021

Magneto’s Credit Cards All Fucked Up

GENOSHA — Brotherhood of Mutants leader Magneto has vowed revenge on humanity for designing credit cards that are destroyed by magnets, making it impossible for…

December 17, 2020