June 23, 2022 Anakin’s Podracing Records Contested After Midichlorians Found in Bloodstream Anakin’s Podracing Records Contested After Midichlorians Found in Bloodstream TATOOINE — Following his recent first place victory, Anakin Skywalker’s podracing records were called into question when it appeared that he may have been harnessing…
June 17, 2022 YouTuber Trying to Predict Next Nintendo Direct Accidentally Figured Out Who Really Killed JFK YouTuber Trying to Predict Next Nintendo Direct Accidentally Figured Out Who Really Killed JFK ORLANDO, Fla. — YouTuber TheGravyGamer set out to predict what Nintendo might reveal in its next Direct, only to find out who really assassinated former…
May 27, 2022 Microsoft Confirms Halo TV Series Isn’t Canon If You Think It Sucks Microsoft Confirms Halo TV Series Isn’t Canon If You Think It Sucks REDMOND, Wash. — Microsoft has confirmed that the Paramount Plus streaming series Halo is not canon to the established plotline of the video games if…
May 5, 2022 Red Flag: Boyfriend Just Skipped Entire Cutscene Red Flag: Boyfriend Just Skipped Entire Cutscene BATAVIA, Ill. — In a potentially deal-breaking moment of their still-developing relationship, local girlfriend Liz Small reportedly noticed that her boyfriend Cyrus Andia skipped an…
April 28, 2022 Therapist Targets Flashing Red Weak Spot During Breakthrough Session Therapist Targets Flashing Red Weak Spot During Breakthrough Session CHICAGO — After several weeks of discussing her patient’s relationship with his family, work-life balance, and dating history, therapist Andrea Brown finally noticed a flashing…
March 11, 2022 Health-Conscious Dracula Now Stocking Walls With Fruits and Vegetables Health-Conscious Dracula Now Stocking Walls With Fruits and Vegetables CASTLEVANIA — In an attempt to be more health-conscious and diet-friendly, Count Dracula Vlad Ţepeş has reportedly taken it upon himself to replace the pork…
March 4, 2022 GameFreak Under Time Crunch After Not Releasing a New Pokémon Game for One Whole Month GameFreak Under Time Crunch After Not Releasing a New Pokémon Game for One Whole Month TOKYO — Marking the series’ 26th anniversary, Nintendo and GameFreak announced several new projects during the latest Pokémon Presents, due in no small part to…
February 24, 2022 ‘How Did We Ever Beat This as Kids?’ A Look Back on the Necessity of the Player’s Guide ‘How Did We Ever Beat This as Kids?’ A Look Back on the Necessity of the Player’s Guide You’re feeling a little nostalgic and boot up a game from childhood. You blow on the cartridge and rekindle a little of that good serotonin…
February 5, 2022 Arlo Rejected From the Muppets for Being a Gamer Arlo Rejected From the Muppets for Being a Gamer REDDING, Calif. — Following their discovery of his lengthy series of videos on various niche gaming topics, the Muppets have announced that YouTube personality Arlo…
