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Doctor Sits Family Down to Inform Them Their Grandmother Has Been Ratioed

PEORIA, Ill. — A local family unfortunately received heartbreaking news when they got an urgent phone call to report to Mercy Hospital only to learn that Susan Cromwell, their beloved grandmother, had been ratioed.

“There’s no easy way to say this. This is the hardest part of the job,” Dr. Felix Nussbaum began, greeting the family in the waiting room. “We did everything we could, but at 9 p.m. last night, your grandmother was ratioed. She was on Twitter, doing a thread with a hot take, and an anonymous man unfortunately commented ‘No one cares + ratio’ beneath her original Tweet. And…I don’t know how to say this…his reply got over five thousand more likes. I’m so sorry, I’ll leave you alone during this important family matter.”

Cromwell’s family was experiencing grief in their own time.

“We had been mentally prepared for this for some time, Gam-Gam always had no fear on Twitter, that’s what we loved about her, so this isn’t surprising,” said grandson of the ratioed Michael Cromwell. “It’s never easy watching a member of your family take such an L online, but time heals all wounds. I’m sure we’ll all become closer as a result of this.

Susan’s daughter, Lorraine, arranged a service out of respect for the ratioed.

“We’re asking that in lieu of flowers, please send Quote Tweets in our time of mourning,” Lorraine said. “Also, to anyone out there, go to your friend’s and family’s accounts, and like their posts, before it’s too late. It’s what Susan would want.”

At press time, the Cromwell family admitted that while their grandmother is physically fine and in stable condition, they had to remove her from the family for engagement reasons