Heavily Discounted Game Must Not Be Fun Anymore

NEW YORK — A critically lauded game that has been significantly marked down from its initial retail price must not be fun anymore, sources have confirmed. 

“Oh wow, that Samurai Caper game is down to ten bucks?” asked gamer Aaron Hoover, after seeing the $20 game marked half off. “What’s wrong with it? I’d heard it was pretty good but if they’re willing to sell it for so cheap it must have turned out to be a real lemon. A lot of people might fall for that shit, but I’m too smart for them. Nope, nothing but full price for this guy. Buyer beware, you know?”

Creators of The Samurai Caper insisted they stood by the game and that they were merely trying to move some units. 

The Samurai Caper is the same game as when we released it, if anything it’s actually in better shape now,” said lead designer Tim Hodge about the inexplicable public backlash to the game’s sale. “We have improved bugs, quality of life, added a couple of new songs even. We’re also one of 40 games to go on sale this week, why is this so strange to anyone? We’re just trying to stay competitive out here.” 

Despite Quigg’s claims, representatives from Steam confirmed that marking games down is generally a sign that a title is in severe trouble.

“Happens all the time, you do hate to see it,” said Gabe Newell, president and founder of Valve. “Games are just like movies, if no one plays them the first weekend they come out, they’re dead forever. So our store becomes a digital graveyard of shit no one is talking about anymore. When you see these games go on sale, it’s the last breath of a dying game. Tragic, really.” 

As of press time, all of those $70 PlayStation games must be really, really good. 

Back in My Day, Scooby Doo Shows Had Scooby Doo in Them

HBO Max released the first episode of Mindy Kaling’s new animated show for adults, Velma, which reimagines the characters of Scooby Doo as high school students trying to solve the murder of a fellow student. Now that all the characters other than Fred have been rebranded as people of color, the internet is predictably up in arms over the “woke” rebranding of the Mystery Inc. Let me be (not even close to) the first person to say: if you’re mad about this, you’re a fucking idiot. Truly, who gives a shit?

https://twitter.com/extrantavesart/status/1613446464994217985

I don’t care if Shaggy is black or Velma is brown or Daphne is almost nude in one scene or if Fred is played by an antivaxer or whatever else people are upset about. Let’s be real — I’m not going to watch this show and neither are you, unless you’re actually interested in it or a YouTuber making 15 rants about it a day to mine outrage clicks.

Now, despite railing against people whining about a show they won’t watch not perfectly capturing the characters of their youth, let me get to the actual injustice of this show. Because back in my day… Scooby Doo shows had Scooby Doo in them.

Wokeness gone too far???????? Yes, you heard that right, the new Scooby Doo show doesn’t include the titular talking dog who loves scooby snacks and saying words as if they start with the letter R. Why? Why would you do that? Sure, everyone’s favorite Donald Trump impression once said, “they should call that show Velma,” but that doesn’t mean the show shouldn’t even include its most iconic character by far. 

So why did they do this? Well, at a panel at New York Comic Con this year, the show’s showrunner Charlie Grandy explained that everyone’s favorite crime solving dog simply didn’t fit into the story they were trying to tell. 

“So, when we were thinking about what made it a kid’s show and what makes an adult show,” Grandy said, “the dog —Scooby is what really seemed to — we couldn’t get a take on it that was like, ‘How can we kind of do this in a, you know, fun modern way?’… That coincided with Warner Bros saying, ‘Hey, you can’t use the dog,’ so we were like, ‘Great!’” 

Wait. What?

So you couldn’t figure out how to put Scooby into the show and then realized you weren’t allowed to anyway and you said, cool, fuck it then. 

So why are you making this show? Like why does this have to be a Scooby Doo show? 

Personally, I don’t think it would be that hard to fit Scooby into a show that’s (gasp) not for children. Realism isn’t the most important thing in the world; one of the cool things about animation is that you can do literally anything! Rick and Morty is one of the most popular adult animated shows in the world right now and it has way crazier things than a talking dog. There’s also this show I keep seeing on Tiktok over clips of mobile games called Family Guy, which seems to feature a talking dog named Brian (who commonly takes massive Ls.) 

It’s gonna take some figuring out, though.

I understand the answer to this question is because IP is what sells these days and people only wanna watch characters they already know and blah blah blah. But seriously, this couldn’t just be new, original characters? Mindy Kaling, Glenn Howerton, Constance Wu, and Sam Richardson aren’t enough to sell an animated story about a group of teens trying to figure out who murdered their friend? 

Like I said, I’m not even gonna watch it. It just feels like everything has to be IP these days. Everything has to be a franchise. Everything has to be a reinvention of characters you’re already familiar with. 

And it’s for the worse. It’s limiting for the story. It’s frustrating for the viewer when things don’t line up to expectations (and I don’t mean superficial things like a character’s race — I mean actual character traits or excluding the MAIN CHARACTER), and forces the show to have to somewhat be about how this is similar or different from before.

That doesn’t mean the new show can’t be inspired by the Mystery Inc. characters! I mean think about how many times you’ve rolled your eyes that there’s gonna be yet another take on Superman in the last few years, vs. how fun it was watching Invincible and The Boys. I think, with that story and those voice actors, I’d be pretty intrigued.

There is something interesting about how Jeff Bezos, our real life Lex Luthor, happened to fund two shows about how Superman is lowkey really scary and bad.

Hopefully we’re nearing the end of our obsession with IP. I understand that it’s the way things are right now, and this isn’t directed specifically at anyone — Mindy Kaling or the show’s creators or the executives at Warner Bros — it’s kind of just flailing its arms around in confusion.

I think our media will be so much better off if we can figure out what the next group of iconic characters will be. Or else you end up with a show about Scooby Fucking Doo that doesn’t have a dog in it. And don’t tell me he’s gonna show up in season 2 or that there was once a show that only had Scrappy Doo in it because I don’t care.

GTA Online Gun Van Location: Where to Find The Gun Van

The Gun Van is one of the most notable additions to the latest GTA Online weekly update. It is basically a portable armory vehicle through which players can purchase a wide variety of weapons, including the highly anticipated Railgun. However, finding the Gun Van in GTA Online isn’t an easy task, which is why many players are having a hard time locating the vehicle in the game. With that said, we’ve got you covered with our comprehensive GTA Online guide to finding the Gun Van location.

Where To Find the Gun Van in GTA Online

GTA Online Gun Van location.

As of writing, Gun Van can be found at Palmer-Taylor Power Station, a POI located on the east side of the GTA Online map. Players can also find its exact location by loading into an online session and looking for the Gun Van blip by navigating to the map. However, it’s worth noting that Gun Van’s location changes every day, so you won’t always find the vehicle at a fixed location.

Once you find it, stand close to the vehicle and press the interaction button on your keyboard to access the purchase menu. Here’s the complete list of items that you can purchase from the Gun Van:

  • Knife
  • Baseball Bat
  • Assault Shotgun
  • SMG
  • Assault Rifle
  • Compact EMP launcher
  • Combat Shotgun
  • Railgun
  • RPG
  • Heavy Sniper
  • Molotov
  • Proximity Mine
  • Grenade
  • Body Armor

As you may notice in the game, the above-listed weapons have been removed from Ammu-Nation, and you can only purchase them from Gun Van. Meanwhile, it’s being speculated that the Gun Van stock could change after a few days. So, make sure to grab exclusive weapons like Railgun as soon as possible before it drives away.

Another major change you’ll notice in today’s GTA Online update is the removal of snow sheet, meaning you can finally drive your supercars at the fastest possible speeds.

Call of Duty MW2 24/7 Shipment: When Is 24/7 Shipment Live?

Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2 updates the playlist of game modes available in multiplayer weekly. The core game modes always stay; however, the playlist rotation always shuffles around fan favorite modes, like Shipment 24/7. Here is when Call of Duty MW2 Shipment 24/7 playlist will be available again.

Is Shipment 24/7 Live in CoD Modern Warfare 2?

What happened to Shipment in Call of Duty MW2?

Shipment 24/7 is now live! You can play this, as well as Shoothouse 24/7 & Third Person Moshpit, until February 15 with the start of Season 2. Enjoy these limited-time modes while you can!

Shipment 24/7 is a fan favorite game mode that usually features Team Deathmatch, Kill Confirmed, and Domination only on the map Shipment. The mode is loved not only for the fact that Shipment is a nostalgic map for many, being introduced in 2007’s Call of Duty 4, but also because the small map leads to lots of kills and quick XP gains.

It is important to note that even when Shipment 24/7 is out of the playlist rotation, the map still exists in CoD Modern Warfare 2. Players can still access the map in custom matches and it is included in the map pool for quick play game modes.

When Will Shipment 24/7 Be Live in Call of Duty MW2?

While no official date has been set, the multiplayer playlist is reset weekly on Wednesdays. So, technically, Shipment 24/7 could return in the near future, or it could be on hiatus for a while due to the recent Shipmas event that featured Shipment 24/7 throughout most of December 2022. Realistically, and based on the fan fervor around the mode being taken out of the rotation, it is likely we will see the return of Shipment 24/7 sooner rather than later. This article will be updated when its return does happen!

Everyone Weirded Out By How Enthusiastic Guy Is About ‘Shantae’ Series

LYNBROOK, N.Y. — Local gamer Evan Gramby continues to give everyone weird vibes with his repeated insistence that the Shantae video game series is among gaming’s best, weirded out sources have confirmed. 

“I’m not saying they’re bad games,” said Mike Jenkins, a friend of Gramby’s. “They seem like fine and cute little platformers, but I just don’t see why he had to keep bringing it up when we were all waiting for the ball to drop the other night. He was saying all the lights and stuff reminded him of the Game Boy Color game’s palette or something. It was a real stretch, even by Evan-talking-about-Shantae standards.” 

Shantae developers warned that while they stood behind their work on the series, fans should really cool it with their outspoken love for the game, lest people get the wrong idea. 

“We didn’t set out to make a horny game, but well, it’s a female with an exposed midriff, so the [horny] gamers found us,” said Matt Bozon a co-creator of the Shantae franchise. “Now of course I’m not saying Shantae’s fanbase is made up exclusively of people that have the hots for her. But you really need to be ready for people to think that if you choose to bring up this series of all things in the year 2023.” 

Several peers confessed to generally enjoying Gramby’s presence in the times he’s not going on about the Shantae games.

“Evan’s a great guy, really fun to be around,” said Mary Hawthorne, a coworker of Gramby’s. “Except for every couple of hours when he brings up that video game I’ve still never heard anyone else talk about and spends the next few minutes showing me YouTube videos or sketching pictures of the main character on whatever scrap paper he can find around him. He gets a boner for her, right? This is all a boner thing?” 

As of press time, Gramby had controversially posited that Shantae should be the star of the next Mario game. 

Puzzle Game Ending Probably Stupid Anyway

SANTA FE, N.M. — Local gamer Liam Greene reportedly gave up on the hot new puzzle game Ennui after rationalizing that the ending of the game was probably going to be stupid anyway.

“Whatever, I don’t even care. I’m completely disconnected from the story, which has nothing to do with the fact that I get stuck for 45 minutes between every cutscene,” Greene said. “I could finish the puzzle I’m currently on, and I definitely know the solution to it, I just don’t want to see the next plot development. It’s best if I just give up now, while I’m doing so well, before the dumb ending of the game disappoints me.”

Greene’s roommate and co-op partner in the game, Lyle Roth-Meyers, claimed that puzzle games are often a let down.

“I hate it when a puzzle game is really good and engaging, and then the tutorial levels end and suddenly it sucks and it’s terrible,” Roth-Meyers said. “The endings of all these difficult story-driven puzzle games are not even worth the effort, I imagine, so I don’t want to give the developers the sick satisfaction of trying to solve the puzzles. If I ever do make it to a puzzle game’s ending, either on my own merits or with the tiny hints of a detailed step-by-step walkthrough, it’s a good game that you need to play.”

The lead developer of Ennui commented on the reason behind the game’s difficulty.

“Look, coding and writing are hard,” developer Ryan Bosley said. “At the moment, the game currently has no ending, but we’re confident that we’ll script and implement one by the time anyone gets there. The endgame puzzles are real motherfuckers, so we’ve got a bit of time. A couple of them require players to do things in the real world. That’s right. It’s one of those games.”

At press time, Greene and Roth-Meyers took another crack at the difficult puzzle, culminating in the pair both mutually agreeing that their PS5 just looked aesthetically better smashed to pieces.

“I Know Exactly What’s Going On,” Claims Giant Fucking Liar Playing Pinball

CORNWALL, Canada A great big liar named Chuck Dederich was recently spotted at local arcade Seven’s Pinballorama claiming to understand everything that was happening during a game of RoboCop VS Terminator 2: In Space, sources have confirmed. 

“Look, let me break it down to your level, champ. See this little silver ball? Think of it as the titular Robotic Cop,” said Dederich, lying through his gritted teeth as he stared into the overwhelming neon chaos taking place below the glass. “You send him out of the launcher, and try to hit those things over there, they’re the triple bonus score. If you hit ‘em three times, you go into turbo mode, but if you roll over that other thing six times, that opens up a new thing and you gotta hit it 4 times divided by the amount of times you hit the other thing like to the left but not like, the far left. Hey, you know that song Pinball Wizard? That’s kinda like me, lowkey. Like that shit really resonates with me. They play it pretty much every time I’m here, it’s like it’s for me almost.”

Onlookers objected to Dederich’s account of things. 

“I don’t think any of that stuff is happening at all,” Seven Graylands, owner and operator of the arcade. “Look, I own the place. Hell, I’ve built half the machines. Lemme tell you — you take the ball, you hit the paddles, and sometimes a compressed voice clip from a licensed franchise comes outta the thing. It begins and ends there. As far as I know, anyway. I don’t really play them anymore. A few years back, I somehow fucked up and had like 4 balls going at once, scariest shit I’ve ever seen. Never fully recovered.”

Developers confirmed that there’s no larger comprehension of the games’ objectives and goals to be had. 

“Oh no, we just made it say silly shit once in a while so it sounds more like a video game, same as any other pinball table,” said John Starling, a designer of RoboCop VS Terminator 2: In Space. “‘Hit the ramp, light up the thing,’ it’s all just nonsense. Whack that blasted ball with the paddle, that’s really all you can do. Anyone who says they have a deeper understanding is a liar.” 

At press time, it was revealed that Dederich had unknowingly been attempting to play the game on attract mode the entire time. When questioned, he responded “Y’know, it’s jazz; sometimes it’s more about the balls you don’t hit. Whatever, I don’t expect you to understand.”

Genshin Impact Battle Pass Guide: How to Level Up Faster

Genshin Impact can sometimes get a little overwhelming with the amount of things to do and grind for, including a battle pass. When managing the time, the battle pass often ends up being sidelined. But all you need is ten minutes of playing with proper planning each day to level up as fast as possible. 

To complete the battle pass in Genshin Impact, you need to complete challenges that grant XP. Once you’ve earned 1000 XP, you level up. Currently, there are 50 levels. The maximum amount of XP you can claim each week is also restricted.  Here are some tips to level up the battle pass faster.

Level Up Genshin Battle Pass Faster: Get “Daily Missions” Done Quickly

Use daily challenges to level up the Genshin Impact battle pass faster.

Challenges in the battle pass are refreshed daily, weekly, and some remain across a season (or events). As you’ve already guessed, Daily Missions are those challenges that reset each day. These are your most consistent source of XP, and you shouldn’t miss them. 

You can complete them passively. The four challenges that are refreshed daily are:   

  • Log in daily
  • Complete 4 daily commissions 
  • Mine 10 items 
  • Use a total of 150 resin 

For the first two, you probably do them every day already. Daily Commissions also reward primos and you cannot miss out on those. 

As for the 10 items to mine, you can mine them even without mining. Just send someone on a daily expedition for ores and it’ll count towards the challenge. An expedition can be sent by talking to Katheryne at the Adventurers Guild.

You won’t be able to claim them on the same day, but for the next day and the subsequent ones, you’ll keep completing this challenge without lifting a finger. That is, as long as you send someone the day before.  

If you don’t want to waste a spot of your limited expeditions and want to farm them separately, the best location is the Spiral Abyss island. Fast travel there and you’ll find enough ores to complete the challenge. Your stay at Abyss will likely last longer as some weekly challenges can be done faster here. 

Lastly, for the resin challenge, you can create condensed resins (condensing 40 resins into one) at the alchemy table. This will save you domain runs as well.

Easy Methods for Genshin Impact Weekly Challenges

There are lots of weekly challenges, and some of them look daunting to complete. But, there are simple ways to do each of them. 

Defeat boss opponents 10 times

Instead of hunting for them throughout the open world and worrying about bursts and switching parties, just head to Spiral Abyss floor 8. The third chamber has two bosses on different halves, Cryo Regisvine and Pyro Regisvine.

Bring a team suited for Cryo Regisvine. Make sure to preserve the elemental burst for the third chamber. Once you beat Cryo, instead of defeating Pyro Regisvine, retry and continue to beat Cryo for all the times you need.

This method works best if you’re all level 90. Enemies on floor 8 are 70 levels, you should be able to one-two shot them with 90 level characters.

Complete 15 Domain Challenges 

The benefit of doing what we said in the previous challenge is the run also counts for this one. You can clear any Abyss floor, and it’ll also count as completing a domain.

Alternatively, you can head into any domain, select the lowest level, and retry the same without claiming rewards.

Complete Trounce Domain Challenges Three Times

Trounce Domain Challenges are tougher bosses that reset weekly. Stromterror, Wolf of the North, Childe, Azhdaha, La Signora, Raiden Shogun, and Scaramouche.

Among them, Stromterror is the easiest to beat, as the rest have multiple phases and are a bit tankier. Simply head to the Confront Stormterror domain located far northwest of Mondstadt. Play the domain at the lowest level. 

Complete Bounties and Request

For this challenge, to complete it quickly, do bounties in the Inazuma or Sumeru regions. They’re short and can be done rapidly, as opposed to Mondstadt and Liyue.

Of course, if time is not a restriction, do them for regions where you lack reputation level.

Cook and Forge Items 

Similar to everything, you can cook any food that requires the least material. Low-rarity food requires fewer materials, and if you play a fair bit your inventory should be flooded with these materials pretty quickly.

For forging items challenge, you don’t have to forge them, just claim them that day. To make it faster, after you completed a forge and claimed, forge some more and leave them unclaimed. Next week, claim it and repeat. Forge lower level ores to save resources. 

Spent 500,000 Mora 

This one is done passively. Wasting that much Mora just for the battle pass XP isn’t the most prudent choice. Leveling and raising characters, upgrading artifacts, and buying resources normally should be enough spending. 

Other weekly challenges are mostly straightforward. “Purchase 2 items from the Teapot Traveling Salesman” from another player’s teapot can be done on weekends, but you’ll need a friend first. We are afraid we do not have a guide on that. Trust us, we want that guide as much as you do.

Whenever you visit Teapot, you can also collect realm currency and complete another challenge. 

How to Complete This BP Period Challenges Quickly

All the Genshin Impact battle pass challenges here are fairly simple. However, the XP you gain from these challenges does not count towards your weekly XP limit. Because of this, you can save them for the last  boost after you’ve exhausted your weekly limit. They also give you the most XP. 

The challenges here will be based on events, making 50 wishes, and gaining 12 stars on Abyss. Completing the events is no brainer. For wishes and stars, it depends on whether you’re interested in the current banner and your account level.

Genshin Impact Clearance Guide: How to Increase Clearance

In Genshin Impact, towards the west of Sumeru, beyond the soaring Wall of Samiel, lies a desert that hides imposing mausoleums beneath the sweltering sand dunes. Much of it is, as usual, hidden behind world quests. So is the access to a particular mechanism with a message that reads “You do not have enough clearance” when you interact with it without any clearance level in Genshin Impact

The mechanism is scattered throughout the desert and is heavily featured underneath the pyramids. Solving the clearance problem is fairly simple, as you just need to complete certain quests. 

Genshin Impact – What is Clearance?

Each region in Genshin Impact has a major world quest. Consider the Aranara quests from the main Sumeru region for example; completing them will give a new gadget named Vintage Lyre and unlocks multiple areas like Old Vanarana. You won’t be able to 100% complete any part of the map without finishing these quests. 

For the desert area, the major world quest is “Golden Slumber,” which is followed by subsequent quests, and completing them grants you clearance. There are multiple levels of clearance with some mechanisms requiring higher levels. 

Here are all the quests that you need to complete and where to find them.   

How to Fix “You Do Not Have Enough Clearance” Message – Genshin Impact

How to fix "you do not have enough clearance" message in Genshin Impact.The questline you’re after is called Golden Slumber and there are two ways to initiate it.

Either talk to Sumeru’s Katheryne (Adventure Guild receptionist that hands out commission) after you’ve completed the final act of Archon Quest. This will add Golden Slumber directly to your quest log. 

Or, fast travel to the Statue of The Seven near the Aaru Village and follow the road heading towards the village. You’ll eventually cross a wooden bridge, then talk to a person named Bonifaz who will be standing at the end of it. A quest marker will float above him in case you’re struggling to spot him. 

After you talk to Bonifaz, the first part (or subquest) of Golden Slumber titled, Lost in the Sands, will commence. The rest of the quest that follows is guided and simple. 

Once you complete the first quest, in the end, someone named Tirzad will hand you a Scarlet Sand Slate. Everything about your clearance level can be viewed on the slate, even tracking quests to further boost your level. The slate serves a similar purpose as Aranyaka did for the Aranara questline.  

Open your inventory’s “Quest” tab to bring forth Scarlet Sand Slate and track your progress.

The basic level clearance is done after the completion of Golden Slumber. To upgrade further, wait for a day in real life to pass and teleport to the Statue of The Seven near Aaru Village. A new quest, Dual Evidence, will automatically start. 

After this, everything should be pretty self-explanatory. It is recommended that you follow all related quests and complete everything mentioned in the Scarlet Sand Slate to unlock every explorable area of the desert. 

Namely, several parts from the Scarlet Sand Slate should be completed after Dual Evidence to raise the clearance to the highest possible level: 

  • The Place of Rebirth Trial 
  • Place of Breath Trial 
  • Place of Swallowing

That’s everything you’ll need to know about clearance levels in Genshin Impact. You can check guides from other games as well at Minus World, including a beginner’s guide about the game Goose Goose Duck, since it seems like everybody and their mother is talking about this game.

Objectively Identifying The Hottest Pokémon

Pokémon Smash Or Pass is an epidemic that has swept our once great Internet in the past few months, Markiplier, iDubbz, KSI and many others all debating which fictional animals they would or would not have relations with in front of our impressionable youth.

Well, I for one care about the children of the next generation and don’t wish to see them swept up in such debauchery, so I’m going to end this silly debate early. How, you may ask? Well, it’s simple. I’m going to tell you – objectively, who the hottest Pokémon really is.

Or I’m not really Detective Investigator Lyle Fudj, the Video Game Detective.

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