Man Playing Jackbox With New Group About to Find Out How Cool Everyone Is With 9/11 Jokes

SAN FRANCISCO — Local man David Grounder experienced a brief moment of anxiety during a game of Quiplash with his new friend group, as he waited patiently to find out just how cool everyone is with jokes about 9/11.

“I started hanging out with these guys in the last few weeks, and by the time I realized I don’t know if these people do bits about a Taliban plane hitting the Pentagon, I had already entered my answer,” Grounder said. “They’re all really nice, and I really want them to continue to be my friends, but I guess it’s best to just get this out of the way now, because if I’m not even allowed to poke fun at 9/11, they won’t want to be my friends for very long.”

“To say the least,” he continued, “we’re going to see if these jokes fly or if they crash and burn directly into a field.”

One of the members of Grounder’s new circle of friends, Emily Bronson, provided her recollection of the controversial Jackbox answer.

“When the answer came up, nobody read it outloud or audibly laughed, we just kind of glanced around the room at each other, looking to see how everyone felt,” Bronson said. “I could tell David was drinking in the few fleeting seconds where nobody could tell it was him, and then the card flipped over and he just kinda looked at the floor for a second.”

“He doesn’t realize that this is more of a wholesome group, I guess,” she said. “All of our answers usually are just about cum.”

Fellow Jackbox player Michael Tyrule claimed he adopts a more bold, shameless approach to playing the game.

“I’ve lost friends and made enemies from my past edgy Jackbox answers, but I’d rather die standing than live kneeling,” Tyrule said. “I’ll joke about national tragedies, I’ll personally target people in the room, and I do not give a fuck. I’ll even use my prompts to attack the looks or personality of friends or significant others that I just met that night. Sure, they rarely win. I often get Quiplashed. It’s not about that. It’s about taking a God damn stand for once in my life. I’m not just going to type ‘cum’ or ‘sex’ like these other cowards, I’m going for the gold.”

At press time, although Grounder was worried about being excluded from the group in future outings, thankfully the heat was taken off him when everyone jumped to ridicule the man who suggested the group play Bomb Corp next.

Desperate Xbox User Holds Controller While Watching HBO’s ‘The Last of Us’

DAVENPORT, Iowa — Local gamer Patricia Hart allegedly held her Xbox Elite controller during the premiere of HBO’s The Last of Us, hoping to simulate the experience of playing the PlayStation-exclusive game on her console.

“Yeah, it was weird. I asked if she wanted to check out that new HBO show, but she said she needed to ‘watch it single-player’ and went to her room with her headset and controller,” said roommate Casey Bracken, who later found a YouTube video titled ‘TLOU Main Menu Music’ playing on Hart’s laptop. “I didn’t understand at the time, but that’s because I had no idea what she was going through as an Xbox owner. I totally get it now. She’s doing what she can with what she has. I think that’s beautiful, in a way.”

Hart has denied the allegations, claiming her critics made them up to smear her name.

“The rumors being spread about me are completely false. I did not hold my controller for the entire runtime of the show, nor did I move the joysticks whenever Joel moved in the show. I also did not push buttons whenever he interacted with items in the show. These are lies,” wrote Hart in a lengthy statement posted to Reddit. “I’m sure the Sony fanboys are behind it, somehow.”

Hart insisted the allegations didn’t even make sense, since she wouldn’t want to play The Last of Us anyway, if she could.

“My friend told me the first game isn’t even that great, and I mean, look at these negative reviews. I’m actually glad I can’t play it on my Xbox,” said Hart after searching ‘last of us bad’ on Google. “But I think we can all agree that, if I did want to play it, then I’d be getting pretty much the same experience by watching the show. So I’m not missing out anymore, right? Right?”

Hart was last seen holding her controller while watching the Starfield trailer on repeat.

Inscryption Booster Pack Just a Bunch of Loose Eyeballs and Knives

VANCOUVER — Indie darling card game Inscryption excited fans with its latest real-world merchandise, a card booster pack that purchasers with just a bunch of loose eyeballs and knives.

“I loved the game, so I rushed to buy the squishy, sharp foil booster pack at GameStop,” said Inscryption fan Mark Steeleman. “I opened it in my car, and immediately the pack just dumped a bunch of body fluid and rusty daggers all over my lap. I guess it’s accurate to the game, and that’s funny and cool and all, but these eyeballs look remarkably…human. Maybe it’s just the pack I got, or maybe I’m just bitter because all the knives I pulled were of ‘common’ rarity. Looking forward to seeing how they play, though!”

“Hoping I can get some teeth in another pack, though,” he added, “because I’m starting to get nervous the game expects me to be pulling my own.”

The unorthodox booster packs have already sent shockwaves through the collectible card game scene.

“I did a 300 pack unboxing on my YouTube channel, and while I got over a million views, I also got literal pounds of rotten human teeth and blood,” said YouTube unboxer Max Roberts. “I’m not sure how to actually play the card game, as the booster box was mostly weapons and body parts, but it was an exciting unbox nonetheless. I never knew what I was going to get, but sometimes I could feel rare pulls floating in the mushy, puss-seeping card packets before opening them.”

Inscription creator Daniel Mullins explained his reaction to seeing fans open the boosters.

“Fans of the game kept expressing that they wish there was a real table-top playable version of the card game, so we started harvesting organs from developers right away,” Mullins said. “It has been so rewarding to see people opening the packs and then letting out a shrill scream and they’re bombarded with knives and eyeballs. On the other hand, it’s also so cool to see avid collectors preserve their Inscryption booster packs for either pristine collectibility or to be used in police investigation.”

At press time, Inscryption teased a future fan event where fans could create their very own custom cards by getting their photo taken by a strange-looking polaroid camera.

This article is sponsored by Devolver Digital and if you’re one of the few people left who haven’t played Inscryption yet, oh man, you really gotta try it. It’s so cool. It’s basically a— actually, no, I don’t want to spoil it for you. You gotta play it for yourself. There’s one part where— no no no, sorry, I’m just gonna link you to the Steam page.

‘My Life Is Just Like Skyrim,’ Mutters Man Who Found Boring Book on the Ground

NEW YORK — A man who just found a dumb book he’ll never read laying on the ground was overheard saying his life is just like the massively popular RPG The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, sources have confirmed. 

“Wow, this is just like in Elder Scrolls,” said Mike Graziano, after finding a copy of Bill O’Reilly’s Killing Lincoln on the ground. “I’ll carry this junk around and almost certainly never read it. But I bet there’s a whole boring story there if I feel like getting into it. I would sell the thing if the amount of cash I got was even worth the effort, but instead I’ll probably just lug it around forever. Just like in the video game.” 

Developers of Skyrim said they set out to make their massively successful game as true to life as possible. 

“Sure there a few cosmetic differences between Skyrim and the modern world,” said Todd Howard, the game’s director. “But beyond that we did our best to make sure this was a game full of relatable experiences, like being able to save your progress and murder a guard and then revert back to the time right before that so you don’t face any repercussions. Or putting armor on your horse. You know, everyday stuff.” 

Graziano’s partner confirmed that the book on the ground was merely the latest common occurrence he mistook for a similarity to his favorite video game. 

“He’s always saying this is just like Skyrim whenever I tell him we need to go to the store or we see an animal somewhere,” Erin Graziano, Mike’s wife. “I don’t want to be annoying and criticize his hobbies, but I think these games are bad for him. He spent his whole paycheck on cheese wheels last month.“ 

As of press time, Graziano returned from a mysterious absence with several arrows protruding from his leg.  

Epic Games Adds New Part of Fortnite Map Where You Get Your Credit Checked

ANAHEIM, Calif. — The free battle royale sensation Fortnite received a brand new map update from developer Epic Games today, with a new spot to get your real-life credit score checked.

“After collaborating with Marvel, the NFL, and Netflix, we’re stoked to announce our latest collaborator: MasterCard,” said Epic Games spokesman Eric Melfour. “Players can drop into the map and make their way to the credit check station, and after filling out a lengthy form, players can get their real-life credit and FICO score to qualify to buy a house or finance education! We know players will enjoy running around the map shooting, looting, and having frank conversations with their spouse about debt consolidation and forgiveness to prudently plan for their future!”

Players have had mixed reactions to the digital MasterCard installation.

“As an adult playing a free video game for children, I clearly don’t really have my life together,” said Fortnite player Thomas Coleson. “Having this little segment of the map that tells me that I’ll never be able to buy any real estate or escape from the debt I have financially collapsed underneath is a constant reminder of my past mistakes and lackluster future, but the area has some of the loot in the game, so I guess it’s kind of a sweet/sour addition to the game.”

While adults seem to see the collaboration to be grim, children who play the game have enjoyed the update.

“I can usually get a few easy kills on adults who freeze in disbelief after seeing their laughably low credit score,” said ten-year-old Timmy Blevins. “Sure, it’s not as wacky or fun as the Jurassic World or Batman map segments, but it’s by far the most pragmatic. It even reminded me to not let my MasterCard points expire, which can be turned into tax-free cashback on my next statement!”

At press time, Epic Games teased a potential future partnership with the Mayo Clinic to allow players to rank up the battle pass by lowering their cholesterol levels in the next season.

Pokemon Scarlet & Violet Tandemaus Valentine Tera Raid Date

Pokemon Scarlet and Violet and Hallmark holiday romance, together at last for the Pokemon Scarlet & Violet Tandemaus Tera Raid event! Announced in tandem with another currently unrevealed 7-star Poison Tera-Type event, this upcoming Valentine’s themed event sees the Normal-type couple Pokemon, Tandemaus, taking center stage. Tandemaus is one of Paldea’s new additions to the ninth generation of Pokemon, and another iteration of the species of monsters that’s just ‘Multiple Guys/Things But Together’, akin to Magneton or Exeggcute, but in cute familial mouse format. 

The Valentine’s Tera Raid event sees Tandemaus given a Fairy Tera typing, likely to help fit the pink love heart theming surrounding Cupid’s very own holiday. This will be the eighth promotional Tera Raid Battle event that Game Freak has included, with not much further info provided regarding Tandemaus’ moveset or its star rating. Our best guess is that it will more than likely be similar to other general holiday-themed Tera events, probably being a three to five-star event, similar to Delibird’s festive one.

Pokemon Scarlet & Violet: When Is the Valentine Tandemaus Tera Raid Event?

The Fairy Tera-type Tandemaus Raid event will start in a few weeks on February 13th, at 4 PM PT, and come to an end on February 15th, at 3:59 PM PT

The Tandemaus Valentine’s Tera Raid event will be running a little bit longer than just the 14th, giving players more of a chance to take part and catch their loved-up Fairy mouse couple. We’d recommend preparing a Poison or Steel type to go into these raids with in order to take full advantage of Tandemaus’ Tera weakness. 

In the meantime, before the season of love even rolls around, the second leg of the 7-star Cinderace Raid event is just around the corner and happening, so be sure to check out our best build for soloing Cinderace with Slowbro before you miss out!

Call of Duty MW2 Longshots Guide: All Weapon Longshot Ranges

When playing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 or Warzone 2, you might sometimes see a little “LONGSHOT!” message appear on the right side of your screen after killing an enemy far away. This message will be accompanied by the distance you shot the enemy from, but why is this longshot message displayed in MW2?

Many might be curious about what exactly qualifies for a longshot. Different classes of guns have different longshot distances. For a pistol, the longshot distance is going to be shorter than something like a sniper rifle. Luckily, we’ve got you covered with the exact range you’ll need to shoot from the qualify for a longshot with each weapon.

What Are Longshots in MW2 & Warzone 2?

A longshot occurs when you kill a player from a certain long distance. After the kill is initiated, you’ll see an orange message informing you that it qualified as a longshot. Each weapon has a mastery camo that involves you earning several longshots. If you’re looking to unlock all the camos that Warzone & MW2 offer, you’ll want to make sure you are familiar with how to longshot enemies.

How to Get Longshots in Warzone 2

We’ve found that one of the best places to earn longshots in Warzone is in the pregame lobby, since every player is so spread out. You can quickly earn quite a few kills that will qualify as a longshot in a hurry here, instead of trying to purposely earn them in-game. The main downside to this is you can’t choose the weapons you spawn in with, which means you’ll have to make do with the weapon classes you’re given in the lobby.

Another great method is utilizing the Ground War mode. This mode is set up as 32 v 32 on a much more open map than the regular Warzone map. There are long stretches of open fields, which allow you to easily see players many meters away. You will also be able to see many more players than a normal Warzone match, which means plenty of opportunities to earn longshots.

Additionally, you’ll need to make sure your weapons are fine-tuned for accuracy. Weapons with lower accuracy are going to have a much tougher time nailing a longshot. It’s important to properly add attachments to ensure the weapon you are trying to longshot with has the best accuracy possible.

How to Get Longshots in Call of Duty MW2

In Modern Warfare 2, there are strategic points on each map that can allow you to earn some longshots relatively easily. Generally, any sniping spot on the multiplayer maps should be sufficient for you to earn longshots with weapons. However, depending on what weapon you choose may mean you need to prioritize certain maps.

Some of the smaller maps, like Shipment, are great to help level up your shorter ranged longshots, like the pistol class or shotgun class. With a smaller area, staying around the corners allows you to nail enemies right as they round the corner. If you’re more looking to earn some assault rifle kills, then you’ll be fine to play on any of the standard maps. Each of these has good vantage points that can be used to drill your targets from afar.

As for modes, any multiplayer mode will do. However, we recommend Team Deathmatch or Domination, as those will give you quite a lengthy game to earn some longshots. To make sure you are in proper distance before you shoot, there are a few optical scopes you can equip on your weapons to verify you’ll receive a longshot kill. By getting these things in order, you can quickly rake in plenty of longshots in Modern Warfare 2.

What Qualifies as a Longshot? All Call of Duty Weapon Longshot Ranges

Below, we’ve compiled each weapon class and the distance that is needed in order for a kill to qualify as a longshot. The shorter-ranged weapons have smaller distances to qualify, while the long-ranged weapons have more meters to cover to earn a longshot.

  • Shotgun – 12.5 Meters
  • Pistol – 20 Meters
  • SMG – 30 Meters
  • Assault/Marksman/LMG/Battle Rifle – 38 Meters
  • Sniper Rifle – 50 Meters

All rifles have the same range required, which can be difficult for some of the shorter ranged Assault Rifles. To earn longshots, obtaining high ground and shooting below can be extremely beneficial. Each of these can be quite a challenge to earn, but some of these are much easier than others. You shouldn’t have any trouble with some of the weapon classes like Marksman Rifles, Sniper Rifles, or Shotguns.

GTA Online Best Business Guide: The Best Businesses in 2023

Ultimately, all GTA Online players have one goal: get rich quick. One of the best ways to do this is by owning businesses. However, with so many options, it’s tough to know which are the best to own that will lead to success. Here are the best GTA Online businesses to own, as of 2023.

Best GTA Online Businesses: Arcade

The Arcade, one of the best GTA Online businesses.

Starting off, the Arcade is one of the most profitable businesses in GTA Online. The Arcade will net you some nice pocket money each day, but the real reason to go this route is the opportunity created for Heists. With a purchase of the Arcade, you will grant yourself the ability to take on one of the highest-paying Heists in the entire game, The Diamond Casino Heist.

This Heist by itself at the maximum difficulty will payout at $3,619,000. That’s a lot of money that can’t be obtained without the Arcade. With a setup like this, you can also earn tens of thousands of dollars each day without having to interact with the Arcade at all.

Bunker

The Bunker is another great business option for those looking to earn lots of cash. This business has an interesting way of working. First, you must order supplies off of the laptop inside and direct your staff to either research or build weapons. There are lots of upgrades you can purchase to add more staff and speed up operations, which will turn into a higher payout for you when selling weapons.

When deciding to fully upgrade the Bunker, you can make your earnings from each sale skyrocket. Depending on what you’re manufacturing and how upgraded your Bunker is, earnings from a weapons sale can reach well above 500,000.

Counterfeit Cash – Best GTA Online Business (2023)

The Counterfeit Cash business was first introduced as a part of the Motorcycle Club update back in 2016. To get this business running, you will need to register as an MC President. The initial setup for Counterfeit Cash isn’t too expensive, with the standard $75,000 seen across most businesses still being in play here.

The payout for this business are pretty good too. While it is recommended that you do indeed invest and upgrade your business, you can still earn over $200,000 with the starting equipment. After maxing out everything, that number is almost $300,000. Counterfeit Cash is a great way to earn some quick and quality money, especially if you couple if with one of the other smaller businesses.

Cocaine Lockup

One of the best GTA Online Businesses, the Cocaine Lockup.

Just like Counterfeit Cash, this business will also require you to be the President of a Motorcycle Club. This will be a hefty investment to start, but you should be earning your money back quickly. The cheapest option for a Cocaine Lockup starts just under $1,000,000, which can take quite a bit of time to earn if you don’t know what you’re doing.

The payouts for the Cocaine Lockup are extremely good. Starting with just a base facility and no upgrades, you’re looking at potentially $300,000 starting. By working your way up to a max facility, you can rake in up to $420,000 just by operating this business. Setup is not expensive, and it runs by itself for the most part. We highly recommend the Cocaine Lockup.

GTA Online’s Best Businesses in 2023: Meth Lab

The final business requiring you to be President of an MC is the Meth Lab. The Meth Lab, like the Cocaine Lockup, is not going to be cheap, but it has quite a nice payout. Supplies will cost you a standard $75,000, while the location itself will run you about $1,000,000.

You’ll be looking at a range of $170,000 to $350,000, depending on how many upgrades your Meth Lab has. We recommend investing in upgrades and maxing each business out, as you will earn the most amount of money this way in GTA Online.

Nightclub

Down to the most expensive business on our list, we have the GTA Online Nightclub. This business has the most opportunity, but that doesn’t come cheap. For starters, you’ll be looking at $1,000,000 for the most basic nightclub, with a cap of around $1,800,000 for nicer buildings. There are a plethora of upgrades to choose, from security to a full fledged parking garage. Each of these has its perks and some will benefit you more than others.

The Nightclub operates as the best source of passive income in GTA Online, as you do not have to do anything to reap its benefits once it is set up. Players will have to have millions on hand to get the best use out of it, however, once investing the money the cash will immediately start to flow in. You can earn well over $10,000 each hour, which makes this one of the fastest earning businesses in the game

‘Sonic the Hedgehog 2’ Director Explains How They Added Knuckles to the Film By Attaching ‘Sonic & Knuckles’ Cartridges to All The Cameras

LOS ANGELES — The director of Sonic the Hedgehog 2 recently revealed how they added the Knuckles character to the movie’s footage by retrofitting old copies of Sonic & Knuckles to fit in the cameras used to make the movie, sources have confirmed. 

“Yeah, just the same exact way as the old Sonic & Knuckles game worked,” confirmed Jeff Fowler, director of the two Sonic films, referencing the cartridge’s unique design. “I mean, it’s not the exact same, because with this we had to adapt it to work on camera lenses and not other SEGA games, you understand. A giant pain in the ass, if we’re being honest. If you have an idea for a better way to insert Knuckles into the scenes, though, I’m all ears.”

Fans were skeptical that such a drastic measure was necessary to incorporate a new CGI character into the film’s proceedings. 

“Wait, what?” asked Megan Culver, a local Sonic fan. “Why wouldn’t they just animate Knuckles the same way they animated Sonic or anything else? I swear, Hollywood finds the most expensive and wasteful ways to do anything. Who would even think of sticking a cartridge into a movie camera?” 

Developers of Sonic & Knuckles were surprised and elated to hear of their groundbreaking work’s continued influence. 

“We knew it was a crazy idea at the time, but we pulled it off,” said Sonic & Knuckles director Hirokazu Yasuhara. “The fact that any [non-Sonic] game you paired it up with gave you a unique bonus level experience just proved all of our naysayers wrong. We swung big, and we did it. How in the hell they’re using this information to make films in the twenty-first century, I’m still not sure, but we saw the pictures of that camera with the game sticking out, and we’re really honored.”

As of press time, Paramount revealed that they’d be using the Sonic & Knuckles technology to also make the Knuckles character appear in the upcoming Scream VI

League of Legends Steam Deck Guide: How to Play LoL Portably

League of Legends is one of the most played games in the world because of its technical accessibility – even the most basic PCs and laptops can run League of Legends at a functional level, and because of that, LoL is also playable on Steam Deck. Steam Deck, a handheld gaming device that can also be docked and played like a console (similar to the Nintendo Switch), was released by Valve in February 2022 and is a convenient way for players to access their Steam library from anywhere.

However, YouTuber TheWereCat has shown that with a short script and a meticulous series of steps, League of Legends is playable on Steam Deck. Here’s a guide on how to install League of Legends on Steam Deck.


How to Install League of Legends on Steam Deck

How to install LoL on Steam Deck.
Image source: TheWereCat on YouTube.

 

Step 1: On the menu at the bottom of the screen, click Discover.

Step 2: Search for ‘Bottles’ in the Discover search bar

Step 3: Install Bottles

Step 4: Once Bottles is installed, search for ‘ProtonUp-QT’ in the Discover search bar 

Step 5: Install ProtonUp-QT

Step 6: After ProtonUp-QT is finished installing, launch it.

Step 7: On the ProtonUp-QT menu, click ‘Add Version’

Step 8: Select GE-Proton-7-29 and install it.

Step 9: After GE-Proton-7-29 is installed, open and set up Bottles.

Step 10: Open an internet browser and go to https://signup.leagueoflegends.com/en-us/signup/redownload. Click ‘Download for Windows’ in the center of the screen.

Step 11: In Bottles, click ‘Create a New Bottle’

Step 12: Select ‘Gaming’ under the Environment section and name it ‘LoL’

Step 13: Create the bottle

Step 14: Return to the main dashboard of Bottles and click on the LoL bottle

Step 15: Click ‘Run Executable’ and click ‘OK’ when the subsequent Sandbox warning appears

Step 16: Select the League of Legends installer from your Steam Decks’ Downloads folder and click Run

Step 17: Allow League of Legends to download, then close the client. Do not sign in.

Step 18: Copy paste https://github.com/GloriousEggroll/wine-ge-custom/releases/tag/7.14-GE-1-LoL into your browser. Scroll down to Assets and click on wine-lutris-ge-lol-7.14-1-x86_64.tar.xz to download it.

Step 19: Close Bottles and go to your Downloads folder. Right click wine-lutris-ge-lol-7.14-1-x86_64.tar.xz and select ‘Extract’

Step 20: Once the folder is fully extracted, right click it, click ‘Copy’ and go to Home on your main menu.

Step 21: Create a New Folder and name it ‘wine’

Step 22: Open ‘wine’ and Paste the extracted folder

Step 23: Return to your Home directory and click ‘Ctrl’ and ‘H’ simultaneously to show Hidden files

Step 24: Create a new text file and ‘LoL.sh’ – capitalization is important! Double click it and open it.

Step 25: Copy the following into the text file labeled ‘LoL.sh’:

#!/bin/bash

WINEPREIX=/home/deck/.var/app/com.usebottles.bottles/data/bottles/bottles/LoL /home/deck/wine/lutris-ge-lol-7.14-1-x86_64/bin/wine /home/deck/.va/app/com.usebottles.bottles/data/bottles/bottles/LoL/drive_c/Riot\ Games/Riot\ Client/RiotClientServices.exe –launch-product=league_of_legends –launch-patchline=live

 

Step 26: Save LoL.sh and close. Right click ‘LoL.sh’ and go to Properties. In the Properties sub-menu, go to Permissions and click the box labeled ‘Is Executable’ to checkmark it. Click ‘OK’ and close Properties

Step 27: Right click LoL.sh and click Execute. Click Install on the Wine Mono Installer Pop-up window that follows. Allow the installation to complete before proceeding.

Step 28: Open the League of Legends Client, check the box labeled ‘Stay Signed In’ and close the client. Re-open the client immediately afterwards if it doesn’t automatically re-open on its own.

Step 29: In your Home directory, right click LoL.sh and select ‘Add to Steam’

Step 30: Return to Gaming Mode on Steam Deck, go to your Library, and select the ‘Non-Steam’ section. Select LoL.sh and click the Settings button (Cog Wheel).

Step 31: After clicking the Settings button, click Properties and then Compatibility on the following menu. Check the box labeled ‘Force the use of a specific Steam Play compatibility tool’ – the GE-Proton-7-29 should show up on the screen.

Step 32: Close the Settings menu and click the Play button to download League of Legends.

The steps are relatively simple thanks to the specifics provided by TheWereCat and the general knowhow of the League of Legends community, but the meticulous process will require patience and accuracy. However, for those who want to play League of Legends on Steam Deck, the process is more than worth the trouble.

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