We’re Calling It: The Next Zelda Game Is Going to Be a Big Deal

From Super Mario Brothers 3 to Red Dead Redemption 2, gaming history is rife with releases that came out of nowhere and blindsided audiences and critics alike. With that in mind, I’m going out on a limb and saying that this year’s The Legend of Zelda: The Tears of the Kingdom is going to be one of the most talked about games by the time it’s all said and done. Don’t believe me? Keep reading to find out why! Still don’t believe me after that? Leave a comment calling me a jerk. Somehow still not convinced?! Share this article on your preferred social media and inform the world that they’ve just got to see what a bonehead I am! 

Now, let me explain this bold prediction. 

When we first saw footage from The Kingdom of Tears last year, most wrote it off as an okay looking sequel to a fun game from five years ago that no one has really talked about that much since. However, looking at the new game’s footage some more on my phone while I was at church, I realized that the game’s sell-shaded graphics were directly inspired by another hidden gem; the GameCube’s 2010 classic: The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Walker. Once people realize the connection, all of us at Hard Drive thinks they’re gonna absolutely flip. Mark our words here, people are gonna be INTO this new Zelda game. 

Do you know something else? Ever since Zelda Breath of the Wild came out, the gaming space has been notably missing very many games that even compare. I may still just be playing Rocket League all the time, but have there even been any other open world action-RPGs? Few and far between it feels like. I think once the new Kingdom Tears comes out people are gonna remember how much fun they had playing Kingdom Tears 1 and give this new one a shot, I really do.  

Also, did you know it’s heavily rumored that Toon Link from the Super Smash Bros games will be an Easter Egg? Shut the fuck up! 

Now, I’m sure this post will be mocked and derided and generally be the buzz of the internet after we post it. I’ll be dunked on and mocked and probably be in the top trends worldwide, but it’ll all be overblown and reactionary, I’m afraid. You’ll see. It’s brave for me to do this. 

Think back to last year. Remember how no one thought God of War Ragnarock was gonna be a big deal and then it blindsided everybody? This is going to be like that all over again, I can just tell. Laugh all you want, but I’m calling it right now; Kingdom of Legend: The Tears of Zelda is going to be one of the top five discussed games of the year, easily. 

Oh, unless they delay it. 

Tearful Atrioc Vows to Only Masturbate to Real Photos of His Friends Going Forward

OAKLAND, Calif. — Popular YouTuber and Twitch streamer Brandon Ewing, known by his online moniker ‘Atrioc,’ released an apology for looking at deep fake pornography of his fellow streamers, saying he would only masturbate to real photos of them going forward.

“I can’t express my embarrassment, I swear that from now on I will only jerk off to real, actual photos of these women from their Instagram or Twitch feeds,” a sobbing Atrioc said on stream. “Deep fake porn is so wrong and sick; my fans, my friends, and my wife have my word that I will only get my rocks off to actual, human photos of my coworkers and friend’s girlfriends in the future. I just hope you can forgive me, I was morbidly curious about the computer-generated porn I completely forgot I could crank it to regular pictures of my friends. And I don’t even have to pay for those.”

Fellow streamer and current boyfriend of one of the women featured in the Deep Fakes Ludwig Ahgren released his statement on his friend’s apology.

“It’s gross to think of one of my best friends and collaborators rubbing one out to my girlfriend,” Ahgren said. “I hope he’s learned his lesson that you should only whack it to actual, non-fake images of them. He could do better by taking a page out of my book: whenever I jerk off to his wife, she’s always real and fully clothed.”

At press time, sources reported that Atrioc will atone for his actions by sending deep fake porn of himself to the affected women repeatedly and unsolicited.

How to Play Marvel Snap with Friends – Marvel Snap Battle Mode

One thing many Marvel Snap players have been looking forward to is the ability to play Marvel Snap with friends. As of the new update on January 31, you can! Luckily, playing with friends is very easy.

How to Play Marvel Snap Battle Mode with Friends

Playing the new Marvel Snap battle mode with friends is a very straightforward process. At the moment, at least, there is no friends list feature in the game. Instead, Snap uses a code system to allow players to link up with their friends.

The first thing you’ll want to do to play Marvel Snap with friends is locate the new joystick on the bottom of your screen. This will be located in the menu where you used to be able to find the battle pass. You can still find your season pass on the main menu by pressing the season pass button on the top left.

After you press the joystick, simply tap the big button that says “Friendly Battle.” It seems there’ll be more additions to this menu in the future, but Friendly Battle will be the one to use no matter what. Once you’re in that menu, tap create to get into a matchmaking screen. Instead of an opponent, though, you’ll see a code. Send this code to your friend, and have them enter it on the join menu. You should now be in a game with your friends in the new battle mode! When you play Marvel Snap with friends, utilize clever use of the Snap mechanic to be the first one to take 10 of your opponent’s “health” instead of cubes.

While there’s still some features that players are hoping for, adding the ability to play Snap with friends is a great addition. Fans are still waiting for a few other features, though. A more player-friendly token shop with cards that are easier to acquire, and a proper unranked mode are just a few of the other features that players are still hoping for. In the meantime, though, enjoy playing the new battle mode with friends!

Dead Space Remake Upgrades Guide: All Upgrades & Weapons

Dead Space Remake offers a diverse array of weapons for Isaac Clarke’s survival journey. This cult-favorite sci-fi horror game features eight unique weapons and 21 upgrades, providing an intense gameplay experience. However, unlocking all weapons and upgrades requires a thorough exploration of the Ishimura, which is a challenging task for players. So whether you’re new to the franchise or a veteran Dead Space player, here’s how to unlock every weapon and its upgrade.

Unlocking Plasma Cutter in Dead Space Remake

The Plasma Cutter can be found on a bench in the early stages of Chapter 1, “New Arrivals.” The Plasma Cutter is easy to find due to its bright yellow glow, which is noticeable as soon as you exit the elevator. Alternatively, look for a graffiti sign that reads “cut off their limbs” to spot the weapon.

Get ready to face off against the Necromorphs with the iconic Plasma Cutter in Dead Space. As the first weapon, you’ll get your hands on, it quickly becomes a fan favorite and an essential tool in the fight against the undead.  As an essential weapon, Isaac will use it extensively throughout the game.

Weapon Upgrades

There are three weapon upgrades available for Plasma Cutter, and here’s how to unlock them in Dead Space Remake:

Weapon Upgrade Location Chapter
Heat Accumulator Purchase from Shop for 11,000 Credits. Course Correction
Cartridge Rack Inside Ishimura Clinic, on the Bench Intensive Care
Weighted Blades On a seat inside Maintenance Locker Room. Search and Rescue

Unlocking Pulse Rifle

The Pulse Rifle can be unlocked after obtaining the Kinesis module in Chapter 2, which allows Isaac to move objects and pull inaccessible items. In the same room as the Kinesis module, use it to move crates and find a path to a room where you’ll encounter a dying officer holding the Pulse Rifle in his hands. 

The triple-barreled rifle excels in crowd control and has a secondary fire mode of a proximity mine, perfect for setting traps for Necromorphs that can result in devastating blasts upon activation.

Weapon Upgrades

There are three weapon upgrades available for Pulse Rifle, and here’s how to unlock them in Dead Space Remake:

Weapon Upgrade Location Chapter
Kinetic Autoloader Purchase from Shop for 11,000 Credits. Course Correction
PCSI Custom Magazine Inside Electrical Systems Storage on a shelf. Obliteration Imminent
High-Yield Grenade Inside the first locker in the Atrium End of Days

Unlocking Ripper in Dead Space Remake

How to upgrade the Ripper, one of the weapons in Dead Space Remake

In Dead Space Remake Chapter 3, the Ripper can be obtained while refueling the engines. To start off, head to the Machine Shop and then walk down the ramp. There you’ll find a dead crewmember holding the Ripper in his hands.

The Ripper boasts a special ability known as Angled Launcher (SP1). Overall, Ripper is a handheld cutting tool that launches a circular sawblade, causing substantial damage to whatever it connects with. The distance between the tethered blade and the Ripper can be adjusted with the Kinesis toggle.

Ripper Upgrades

There are three weapon upgrades available for Ripper, and here’s how to unlock them in Dead Space Remake:

Weapon Upgrade Location Chapter
Ricochet Tracer Purchase from Shop for 11,000 Credits. Course Correction
Angled Launcher Inside B. Andonov’s Office Environmental Hazard
Carbon-Fiber Blades Go from Tram Station to Engineering, then from Preparation Room to Machine Shop. End of Days

Unlocking Force Gun

The Force Gun can be obtained in Dead Space Remake during Chapter 6 when you find yourself in the room called West Seedling Room A within the ship. Start by activating the mission and make your way to the second floor.

You will encounter a large room filled with enemies, including a Wheezer, which must be defeated. After successfully eliminating the enemies, proceed to the West Seeding Room A, where you will see a corpse. As you approach it, a prompt will appear on the screen, indicating the location of the Force Gun.

The Force Gun has a shotgun-like fire rate and power, using ammo at a similar rate as the Ripper. It’s similar to the Pulse Rifle with its narrow focus, but it’s slower. Since Force Gun has a slow fire rate, using Stasis is highly recommended to get the most out of it.

All Force Gun Weapon Upgrades

There are three weapon upgrades available for Force Gun, and here’s how to unlock them in Dead Space Remake:

Weapon Upgrade Location Chapter
Subsonic Oscillator Purchase from Shop for 12,000 Credits. Environmental Hazard
Gravitic Amplifier Go to the Guest Consultant’s Suites, and after the conversation, head to the back room, where you’ll find it on a table. End of Days
Suspension Module Inside a Master Override chest. Alternate Solutions

Unlocking Flamethrower in Dead Space Remake

How to get the flamethrower, one of the best Dead Space Remake weapons.

The Flamethrower is a powerhouse weapon in the game and can be acquired early on. In Chapter 3: Course Correction, Isaac comes across a soldier right next to the wall while working on the objective to ignite the engines. Simply approach the soldier to pick up the Flamethrower.

The Force Gun is a beast at close range, unleashing a blast of kinetic energy that damages everything in its path. It’s not ideal for distant combat, but it’s a perfect pick for short-range combat. As a result, the Flamethrower is specifically designed to battle against packs of Necromorphs or for taking care of the crawlies. It comes with three superpowers: Gellified Hydrazine (SP1), High-Pressure Nozzle (SP2), and a giant Fuel Tank (SP3) for even more burn power.

Weapon Upgrades

There are three weapon upgrades available for Force Gun, and here’s how to unlock them in Dead Space Remake:

Weapon Upgrade Location Chapter
Gellified Hydrazine Purchase from Shop for 11,500 Credits. Course Correction
Macroliter Fuel Tank To find it, switch the circuit breaker to zero gravity, then drift down to the floor below. In the Utility Room, you’ll spot it on the ground. Note: You need Security Clearance Level 3 to access. Into the Void
High Pressure Nozzle To obtain the upgrade, first, take the battery from Deluxe Quiet Bunks and insert it into the circuit breaker near the bathrooms. Activate the doors, then venture into the Deluxe Shift Bunks beside the bathrooms where you’ll find a Master Override chest holding the upgrade. End of Days

Where to Find the Contact Beam

Where to get the contact beam in Dead Space.

Find the Contact Beam in Chapter 7 while on a mission to power up Mining Administration. Take a stop at the Records Office on the second floor (access with level 2 clearance) to secure this valuable weapon.

The Contact Beam is a mighty weapon of destruction. Charging it up will take down enemies even faster. It’s like a more powerful version of the Ripper but with less ammo. The downside of this weapon is its scarce and expensive ammo, but against single foes, it’s a game-changer. However, it’s worth noting that the Contact Beam requires charging before use. Therefore, fire it wisely.

Contact Beam Weapon Upgrades

There are three weapon upgrades available for Contact Beam, and here’s how to unlock them in Dead Space Remake:

Weapon Upgrade Location Chapter
Supersymmetry Tether Purchase from Shop for 12,000 Credits. Obliteration Imminent
Portable Helitron Go to the Main Lab in Medical and head down. Take the back hallway and access the Bioprosthetics Locker Room with Security Level 3. You will find the upgrade on the workbench. End of Days
Diffraction Module Discover the upgrade in a Master Override Chest, accessible through a Master Override Door located on the Mining Deck. End of Days

Unlocking Line Gun in Dead Space Remake

In Chapter 5, you can obtain the Line Gun by facing the Hunter shortly after starting the Lift the Lockdown quest. After defeating him, head to ER Hallway A through the Emergency Room, take a right, and you will come across a door requiring Security Clearance Level 2. 

This door is not hard to spot as there aren’t many doors in the area. Upon entering, you will find a bloody room with the Line Gun in the center, alongside the corpse of a crew member. As per the previous patterns, the dead body holds the weapon, and you can collect it by approaching the crew member.

Weapon Upgrades

There are three weapon upgrades available for Line Gun, and here’s how to unlock them in Dead Space Remake:

Weapon Upgrade Location Chapter
Ionized Capacitor Purchase from Shop for 11,500 Credits. Lethal Devotion
Precision Lasers Find the Master Override chest in the hallway connecting the Hydroponics Central Hub and the Mining Tram Station in Hydroponics. End of Days
Photon Energizer Located in a Medical room with Level 3 Clearance after leaving the Chemical Lab. End of Days

Unlocking Hand Cannon

How to unlock the hand cannon weapon in Dead Space Remake.

Unlock the Hand Cannon in Dead Space Remake by defeating the game on the toughest difficulty, Impossible mode. It’s no walk in the park, but completing the game at this level rewards you with a pile of goodies: 50,000 credits, ten nodes, some text logs, a level 6 suit, and, most importantly, New Game+. And don’t forget, beating the game on Impossible also unlocks the Burnished Suit.

The Hand Cannon is undoubtedly the ultimate weapon in Dead Space Remake. One hit and any creature will lose all its limbs, guaranteeing an instant kill. Though it’s a bit tricky to aim at a distance without a cross-hair, just keep firing, and you’re sure to hit the target. In the Dead Space remake, the Hand Cannon now comes with a laser sight for improved aiming.

Since Hand Cannon unlocks at the end of the game, no upgrades are available for this weapon in Dead Space Remake.

Nickelodeon CEO Campaigns for U.S. to “Bring Freedom” to Nation Controlling World’s Largest Natural Deposit of Slime

WASHINGTON — Nickelodeon CEO Brian Robbins has been lobbying for the United States military to “bring freedom” to the nation of Nickelandia, which coincidentally happens to be the home of the world’s largest natural slime deposit. 

“We are dreadfully concerned about the potential human rights abuses taking place in Nickelandia. The country has been using child labor and exposing kids to predatory adults for years,” said Robbins, a longtime Nickelodeon producer and current CEO. “That’s why I’m here to tell lawmakers: we need to overthrow the Nickelandian government with decisive military action. The fact that my company stands to benefit from Nickelandia’s massive deposits of slime is merely a coincidence — an added bonus, if you will.”

When asked about Nickelandia’s plans to nationalize the slime industry, ending Nickelodeon’s sweetheart deal on crude slime, Robbins deflected.

“Right now, what’s clear is that Nickelandia presents a clear and present danger to the United States and its interests,” said Robbins, whose company relies on a cheap supply of slime to stay profitable. “I met with the CIA, and their intelligence points to Nickelandia developing weapons of mass slimestruction, capable of sliming every single human being on the planet at once. Until we get Nickelandia’s slime reserves into the hands of the United States, nobody is safe.”

Self-identified “90s kid” and patriot Pete Wrigley said he was ready to join the army if it meant protecting his country on behalf of the children’s television network.

“When I heard that Nickelandia was planning to cover the entire world with slime, I knew I had to do my part. Now I’m ready to salute the flag in addition to saluting my shorts. That’s a reference, if you didn’t catch it,” said Wrigley, 41, at an armed forces recruitment office. “Sliming can be good fun, but I know my mother would hate for the house to be covered in slime, so preventing it is now All That I care about. I also heard that the soldiers of Nickelandia have been removing babies from their bassinets in the neonatal intensive care units, and then sliming those babies. Only true 90s kids will catch that one.”

At press time, Nickelodeon was also denying that they had used slavery to harvest Gak from Gak trees in the Democratic Republic of the Congo.

Looting Animation Even More Immersive the 2,174th Time

DAYTON, Ohio — Local gamer Francis Maynard praised the looting animations in Red Dead Redemption 2 as “incredibly immersive,” especially when performed for the 2,174th time.

“I think it’s really cool how Red Dead shows you the whole process. You see Arthur Morgan leaning down, rolling the body over, checking each of the pockets, then putting the loot into his bag. It really immerses you in the game,” said Maynard, who has killed and looted thousands of people in Red Dead Redemption 2 while home sick this week. “It’s just like real life.”

Maynard claimed every looting animation was necessary to the story, but the 2,174th one had an especially big impact on him emotionally.

“So, I’m in Van Horn, right? And it’s right after I shot this random guy, because I was bored and wanted to see what would happen if I shot him. And then, as I watch Arthur Morgan lean down, roll the body over, check each of the pockets, then put the loot into his bag, I think, ‘Wow, Arthur Morgan sure is looting that guy he just shot.’ It was heavy, man. I’m not ashamed to admit that I cried at that moment,” said Maynard, who later killed everyone else in Van Horn and fled with all their valuables. “Never tell me video games can’t be art.”

When reached for comment, Rockstar Games thanked Maynard for the praise.

“Our mission with Red Dead Redemption 2 was simple: Create some of the most tedious chores ever rendered in a video game, and to do it with exhaustive attention to detail. We want to immerse you fully into the experience of carrying a bale of hay from one place to the next, then getting another bale of hay, and another,” said Sam Houser, President of Rockstar Games. “We’ve heard your requests — ‘Can we walk a little faster with the hay?’ The answer is no. You have to be extremely slow with the hay. Going faster would ruin everything.”

At press time, Maynard was complaining about the “way too long” load time of 45 seconds.

Ubisoft Cancels Every Game in Production: “Fuck It, We Make Dog Food Now”

MONTREUIL, France — Video game publisher Ubisoft abruptly canceled every game they had in production today, announcing a rapid pivot into the manufacturing and distribution of dog food, shocking employees and gamers alike. 

“Well that’s news to me,” said Kelly Emery, a programmer who was working on Skull & Bones, which announced its fourth delay weeks ago. “I was a little concerned when they canceled some other games recently, but I figured we were safe. I suppose there truly is no secure job in the video game business, though, even if it’s with a lucrative publisher. These execs that don’t understand video games can just abruptly just say ‘fuck it,’ and turn your whole studio into a dog food factory on a whim. It’s a terrible setup, this whole thing.” 

“Say,” she added. “Do you think they’ll let me interview for a dog food position, or?”

Executives defended Ubisoft’s abrupt and immediate exit from the video game industry.  

“With the increasing backlash against most of the stuff we do, we’re just gonna scrap this whole thing and try something else, and we decided on dog food,” said Yves Guillemot, cofounder and CEO of Ubisoft Entertainment SA . “There seems to be less drama in the dog food world, less expectations. I look forward to it. And hey, be sure to try Ubisoft dog food, releasing first quarter next year, I swear to god. You’ll see. We’re gonna be such a good dog food company. Let’s just all try to forget about that video game stuff we did.” 

The dog food industry largely didn’t take to Ubisoft with welcoming arms. 

“Are these guys gonna be able to get dog food onto the store shelves on time,” asked Nina Leigh Krueger, CEO of Nestlé Purina PetCare. “Because we work hard here in the dog food industry. They’re gonna have to keep up. We don’t maintain frat house cultures, and we sure as hell don’t put out shockingly tone deaf emails that seem to blame our workers for their bosses’ incompetence. Nope, we just wake up early, roll up our sleeves, and make dog food.” 

As of press time, Ubisoft released a preview for their upcoming Far Cry variety of dog food, a dry kibble that was mostly made up of ingredients from better, more enjoyable dog foods.

Persona 3 Portable New Game Plus Guide: Does P3P Have NG+?

If you started playing Persona 3 Portable when it was released a few weeks ago, chances are you are pretty close to wrapping up your playthrough of the classic JRPG. You might be wondering whether or not P3P has New Game Plus, or a mode that operates similarly to it. Most of the Atlus titles do contain said mode. However, does this apply to the recent release of Persona 3 Portable?

Does Persona 3 Portable Have New Game Plus?

Does Persona 3 Portable have New Game Plus.

Yes, Persona 3 Portable does indeed have New Game Plus! This is a striking difference from Persona 3 FES, which does not contain the New Game Plus feature. This feature allows for you to carry over plenty of items, making a new playthrough much easier than if you were starting from scratch. While not all items are carried over, the important ones are, which makes your life much easier when fighting off enemies. The following items will carry over into a NG+ playthrough in P3P:

  • Money
  • Equipment
  • Level of Protagonist
  • Social Stats (Academics/Charm/Courage)
  • Persona Compendium
  • Max Social Link Items/Gifts

The following items will not carry over in a New Game Plus playthrough. It may make redoing some things tedious, but the stats and items carried over makes completing these tasks easier:

  • Personas
  • Party Member Levels
  • Inventory
  • Social Links
  • Elizabeth’s Requests

As you can see, there are plenty of things that will carry over in New Game Plus, while also leaving plenty of items/quests for you to complete once again. It’s a good compromise and allows for a new playthrough of Persona 3 Portable to be much easier and less time consuming. If you’re looking for more Persona 3 Portable guides, be sure to check out our guide on all classroom answers!

SpongeBob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake Beach Spinster Guide

Spongebob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake is a breezy platformer with plenty to keep you busy, including a somewhat large trophy/achievement list. While most of these extra earnables are straightforward and unlockable by simply completing major milestones in the game, there are a few that ask you to do something a bit out of the way. Such is the case with the “Beach Spinster” trophy/achievement, which tasks you with spinning some umbrellas without specifying where you might find them. Don’t worry, though – we’ll tell you where they are and how to spin them below.

How To Get The “Beach Spinster” Trophy/Achievement – SpongeBob Cosmic Shake

The Beach Spinster trophy/achievement is obtained in Pirate Goo Lagoon, which will be the third world you’ll unlock. Fairly early in the level, you’ll find yourself in a conversation with The Flying Dutchman, who looks exactly like his show counterpart – a big, green ghost. When you’ve wrapped up your chat, you’ll now be free to move around the beach, so it’s time to spin some umbrellas.

When you gain control, look to the left of The Flying Dutchman to spot a selection of the umbrellas along the coastline. As per the trophy/achievement details, you’ll need to spin six of these at one time. However, you’ll have to be rather fast, as the umbrellas will stop spinning after a short while. 

How to get the Beach Spinster trophy in SpongeBob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake.Starting at the umbrella closest to you, smack it with your basic spinning attack and then begin running clockwise while doing the same to five more umbrellas. If you manage to hit all six before the first one stops spinning, you’ll get the SpongeBob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake Beach Spinster trophy or achievement.

Looking for game guides on some of January’s other big releases? Check out our guide on how to get the Level 6 Suit Upgrade in Dead Space!

SpongeBob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake Music Enthusiast Guide

SpongeBob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake has no shortage of jelly, costumes, and coins for completionists to find and collect, but those looking to also complete the full trophy/achievement lists on their respective consoles will find that there are a handful of other random goals that need to be met. One of these includes the “Music Enthusiast” trophy/achievement, which requires you to listen to a Slamvil perform a song. This little creature is hidden away out of sight, however, so you might just overlook it while you’re out exploring. No worries, though – we’ve got you covered on where to find it below.

How to Get the “Music Enthusiast” Trophy/Achievement – SpongeBob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake

The “Music Enthusiast” trophy/achievement is located in Pirate Goo Lagoon, which is the third world that you’ll visit on your journey. Late in the level, you’ll be tasked with rescuing twelve anchovies around a circular area with lots of individual islands that you need to swing to and from using your hookshot.

First up, head to the large middle island that contains four anchovies in cages next to a tall tree, then look up and around until you spot a floating boat way off in the distance. When you’ve found the boat, look back down and to the left of it to see a hidden alcove with a Slamvil enemy sitting atop a tree trunk.

How to unlock the achievement Music Enthusiast in SpongeBob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake.

You can’t jump or glide to to this alcove directly from the island you’re on, so you’ll need to use the nearby fish hook to propel yourself forward, then abruptly turn to the left and glide over to the land. Once you do, walk close to the Slamvil and listen to it sing briefly to pop the SpongeBob Squarepants: The Cosmic Shake “Music Enthusiast” trophy/achievement. What a performance, huh?

Looking for guides on other January releases? Check out our Dead Space Remake Crew Rigs Location guide!

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