Cadence of Hyrule Is Secretly One of the Best-Ever Zelda Games

Posted on by Jeremy Kaplowitz

If you’re looking for something to hold you over until the massive release of The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom and you’ve already played the shit out of surprise indie Hi-Fi Rush, one Zelda game that you may have missed — and should definitely check out if you did — is 2019’s Cadence of Hyrule.

From the team behind Crypt of the NecroDancer, Cadence of Hyrule is a rhythm-based throwback to old Zelda games with roguelike elements and multiple playable characters. That probably sounds like a bunch of buzzwords, but it’s basically a bunch of Zelda screens, filled with enemies, that you have to hop around killing to the beat of remixes of Zelda songs.

You mostly play as Link and Zelda, but you can unlock a few other characters and a handful of weapons and tools that makes each room feel like a cool puzzle where you need to figure out how to eliminate everything. The rhythm element isn’t super hard to get the hang of, but it’s a really cool way to force you to always be on the move, shuffling around the screen without a chance to sit around and think for too long. Not to mention, Zelda songs are fucking dope.

Seriously, listen to how good the menu theme (a remix of the Ocarina of Time theme) is:

And Nintendo is so good at making games that feel great to pick up and play for a few minutes at a time, whether you’re on the bus commuting or playing on the roof at a party that only exists in a commercial. The different screens (and dungeons) are randomly ordered, so you can replay the game multiple times (I personally have played through this game like 5 times since it came out) and it even has couch co-op. Couch co-op! In this day and age! And even better, it’s the kind where someone can just jump in any time they want without interrupting your progress or forcing you to start a new save file.

Cadence of Hyrule really feels like a throwback to the older games, with top-down combat, cool pixel-art sprites, and emphasis on exploration. But obviously, with its rhythm-based gameplay and overall musical aesthetic (a lot of the enemies have specific music-based attacks and designs), it feels totally unique to other Zelda games. 

Ultimately, Cadence of Hyrule is a really fun indie game with a ton of surprises that you can beat in just 6 hours. On the other hand, the game has a ton of content that you can replay over and over until Tears of the Kingdom comes out and absolutely takes over your life and ruins all of your relationships.

Cadence of Hyrule is probably for you if:

  • You like Zelda games.
  • You like rhythm-games.
  • You like indie games.
  • You don’t have a ton of time to game.

It may not be for you if:

  • You have absolutely no sense of rhythm and you are too ashamed to turn on the “no rhythm” option even though no one would ever know — but you would know, and at the end of the day, that’s who counts the most.

You can buy Cadence of Hyrule in either a digital or physical format on Nintendo Switch. Just keep in mind that if you want the physical cartridge, you’ll have to pay a bit of a premium.

Anime’s Greatest Villain, The Dreaded Filler Arc, May Be On Its Last Legs

Posted on by Kevin Podas

“Read the manga, it’s better.” So many anime fans have received this unsolicited advice over the years, and it’s largely because of one of the greatest, most heinous villains in all of anime history. No, I’m not talking about Frieza, Griffith, or the dreaded Truck-Kun– I’m talking about the dreaded “filler episode”. But this villain may be on the last legs of its final-final-FINAL form.

Filler– a word that strikes fear and disgust in the hearts of anime fans the world over. But, what is it exactly? Basically, most anime are adapted from manga series once they get successful enough (I.E. sell enough volumes or rank high enough in Jump popularity contests which are exactly what they sound like). However, since it’s important to strike while the iron is hot, many of these adaptations are greenlit prematurely, when there isn’t quite enough source material to go off of.

Both anime fans and Game of Thrones fans know the pain of a great adaptation running out of source material, and the disaster that can quickly turn into. As Gintama brilliantly explains in the clip above, an anime catching up to it’s manga of origin can go one of three ways:

  1. It takes a roundabout (a song that never existed before JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure) pathway of filler episodes, usually making up stories exploring the characters’ day-to-day lives. Even worse, it may create “filler arcs” including plotlines and villains that are inconsequential and don’t affect characters’ development whatsoever– just to be safe. Or maybe everyone goes to the beach for an episode and gets really horny. Either way, eventually it will adapt the manga again like nothing ever happened, until they once again run out of source material and repeat the process as needed.
  2. The anime says “fuck it” and goes their own way- “AGTOW”, some are saying. Once it catches up, they bullshit the rest of the story on their own, doing something wholly original. Usually, the animators will go out of their way to reach out to the author and make sure they aren’t treading on the original manga’s intended plotline. It can be hit or miss, but if fans complain enough, another studio will re-adapt the series again with a “closer to the manga this time” selling point.
  3. Episodes are padded for time. While they may not include filler episodes per se, the pacing of the actual source material can take a brutal hit here. We’ve all seen fight scenes that last way, way, WAY too long, or episodes that have an absolutely unnecessary amount of flashbacks and recaps, in case you forgot something that happened two minutes prior. This can often be the least desirable outcome, because fans can’t simply skip episodes that are non-canon. Instead, they have to sit through Frieza planning to blow up Planet Namek for a lot longer than the five minutes he promised it would take.

For a very long time, this has been the standard for anime that are adapted from existing manga, which again, is the overwhelming majority of them. But after enough fan outcry, and probably low ratings, sales, and crashing/burning, the tides may be changing.

“I’m a throw-away villain! Fear my generic motives!” -Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Movie

For a long time, most long-running anime series were required by law (or contract) to be airing new episodes 52 weeks a year. No season breaks– just keep drawing and keep producing. In an industry where time crunch is already a severe problem and employees are hospitalized for being overworked, this decision is baffling. Most viewers don’t even seem to like the filler episodes! While modern anime doesn’t fix everything, they seem to have found a more preferable solution.

That’s right, filler episodes– your days are numbered! Popular anime series of the 2010s, such as My Hero Academia and Attack on Titan, the latter of which may be taking advantage of this just a little bit, are adapting chunks of their source material into seasons. This means that instead of blowing the budget on episodes where Naruto turns into a robot for some reason, they can instead focus on quality over quantity, gracefully adapting iconic moments and scenes that fans love. Unlike the typical American TV model of airing seasons where a show takes the summer off but comes back on-air in the fall, these adaptations are on a model of “you’ll get it when it’s ready.” It can be annoying to wait, but as fans of Venture Bros. are also well aware, it’s worth it. And through all that, we get modern hits like Jujutsu Kaisen, Chainsaw Man, and more.

Naruto fans have had it hard.

Unfortunately, older series like One Piece have been grandfathered into the old method, suffering from bloat and filler pains that come with old age. Thankfully, some legacy series such as Fullmetal Alchemist, Hunter × Hunter, and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure retained enough popularity that they got the aforementioned “closer to the manga” remake that trims the fat and cuts the bullshit. Maybe Berserk will get the respect it deserves one day too. Sigh. We all have our white whale.

“Filler” may be a boogey-man term among Japanese animation aficionados (or weaboos, whichever you prefer), and rightfully so, but it isn’t always bad. Or at least, not entirely gut-wrenchingly terrible. Some people argue that filler episodes let us spend more time with the cast of characters and help to develop them even further. Also, that one episode of Dragon Ball Z where Goku and Piccolo try to get their driver’s licenses was comedy gold.

It’s not all bad.

At the end of the day, a bad adaptation doesn’t ruin a good series. A great manga will always be great, it just sucks when you want to recommend a series to a friend but have to accompany them with a complicated guide of what episodes or story arcs to skip.

As the filler arc nears its natural conclusion, the future of the industry is still somewhat uncertain. Overwork and burnout continue to be pressing issues, and hopefully over time anime studios can increase their staff, and give them more time off. We can wait for Attack on Titan season 4 part 3.5 a little longer.

If You Like Final Fantasy And CBT, Try The Romancing SaGa Series

Posted on by Ryan Fleishman

Final Fantasy is a staple of the JRPG genre that’s bigger than ever right now, between the MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV and the upcoming Final Fantasy XVI. Cock Ball Torture, or CBT, is a staple of sick little masochists who need punishment to cum. With the advent of high difficulty games like Dark Souls, many modern gamers need a fix of high-grade torture to enjoy a video game anymore. What if there was a way to combine the high fantasy adventures of Final Fantasy with the pure malice of CBT?

Meet Romancing SaGa. The SaGa series was created by Akitoshi Kawazu as the spiritual successor to Final Fantasy II and a more hardcore alternative the Final Fantasy series. SaGa games are nonlinear, open world RPGs, where most entries simply dump you into the world and let you figure out what to do. For example, the recent Saga Frontier remake needed to add a help guide that tells you what you need to do and it’s STILL incredibly hard to figure out your next step sometimes.

Instead of a set main character and party, almost every SaGa game lets you choose one of generally eight different protagonists with their own unique elements. You then recruit a party from the variety of bozos with unique character portraits in the open world, either through side quests or by simply talking to the lonelier ones. You need the full roster of potential party members too because this game has permadeath. Characters have a third stat called LP that lowers when you die and when you get hit while dead mid-battle. Reach 0? That character is gone forever. Consider your nuts kicked.

Nobody levels up: instead, your stats will increase after battle based on the actions you took. Use a heavy axe? Your strength goes up. Get the tar beat out of you? That’s more HP if you live. You can’t learn skills normally either. SaGa uses the “sparking” system, where characters will randomly learn new techniques when you’re normally attacking in a moment of inspiration. You gain more stats and have a better chance of sparking techniques against harder enemies, which encourages you to punch upwards, but there’s a 99% chance your characters won’t have every skill for their main weapon at the end of the game.

If you wait too long to learn magic in SaGa Frontier, have fun fighting the hardest normal enemy in the game 5 times while unable to control your characters.

Which isn’t really a choice, by the way, since enemies all scale with the number of encounters you’ve fought in a game. Did you spend 50 hours grinding in the first area? Congratulations, you get to fight end-game mobs for the entire journey. You also missed half the content in some games, because your number of encounters is used to measure the passage of time and multiple quests happened without you while you were fighting level 2 rats.

This is the defining ethos of the franchise: SaGa games will let you fuck it all up without fair warning. Talk to characters in the wrong order? You just locked yourself out of another party member you didn’t know existed. Travel from area to area at the wrong time? Eat shit, kid. You just got eaten by a giant worm and now you have to finish a full dungeon. Did you not grind enough before a certain squid boss? I hope you like dying in one hit. Figure it out.

You actually need to do the man in blue armor’s quest without ever talking to him the entire game, or you lose a key item and slate another party member for death.

But when you do figure it out, it feels like you’ve summited Mount Everest. SaGa is one of the only JRPGS where your power comes for experience, not experience points. And as you continue doing favors for the people you meet from village to village, you stumble upon traces of sinister threats that eventually thread together into a grand evil at the end.

Now is the perfect time to get into SaGa. I would recommend Romancing SaGa 3 if you want a more retro experience with pixel art, or the recently remastered Romancing SaGa: Minstrel Song for a 3D game. SaGa Frontier, arguably the most well-known entry in the series (and my personal favorite), received a stellar remaster that deserves to be lauded for the way it restored a famously underdeveloped game with tons of cut content. It’s also a total trainwreck that needed years more of development to realize its vision, so I would recommend trying Frontier after you’re hooked on the franchise. These games are all available on Steam and all major systems.

Please buy them so that Square Enix keeps on funding SaGa. I need more. I’m addicted to the pain.

 To recap, the SaGa series is a perfect game for players who:

  • Want a difficult and unique twist on the basic JRPG formula
  • Think it’s awesome that SaGa Frontier has a game mechanics guide on Gamefaqs that’s about 538 pages long
  • Are looking to check out well-known Japanese series that were never traditionally ported to the West
  • Enjoy creating your own path through the world
  • Receive sexual gratification from receiving physical violence

It may not be for you if:

  • You don’t like dying
  • You aren’t a fan of nonstandard game mechanics
  • You have a low tolerance for frustrating features

College of Winterhold Graduate Regrets English Major

Posted on by Patrick Sullivan

RIFTEN — Local English teacher Celesisionil Smith is reportedly disappointed in his career path following his graduation with a Master’s in English from the College of Winterhold.

“I just wanted to party while I was there, man. I wasn’t focused on any of that nerd shit,” said Smith, who only learned the single Firebolt spell required for admission. “Looking back, I think getting a degree in making skulls melt might’ve served me better in Skyrim day-to-day than my thesis on The Lusty Argonian Maid.”

After graduating last year, Smith made his way to Riften to teach high school English and Composition. Home of the Thieves Guild, Riften was voted “Literally the Worst Possible Place to Live in Skyrim” for the last fifteen years in a row.

“I was mugged six times last week. SIX TIMES!” said Smith, claiming he was unable to afford rent in any other town. “I should have taken that one elective on how to shoot acid from my hands, but it was an 8 a.m. class. I was usually still too drunk from the night before to attend.”

The English Department is a relatively new addition to the College of Winterhold, created 6 years ago after Skyrim implemented more strict education regulations across the province.

“We only have the department so we can maintain our status as an actual ‘college’ and get government funding,” said Savos Aren, Arch-Mage of the College of Winterhold, whose quarters contain fewer than 10 books. “I think we had one sucker actually come through the program, which still baffles me because I don’t think we even had any professor assigned to teach it.”

Smith is in the midst of writing a novel about his experience, and has already made a deal with a publisher to produce one copy and leave it buried in a tomb on the outskirts of town.

Good Samaritan Leaves Car Unlocked and Running in Case Protagonist Needs It

Posted on by Joe Tilleli

PHILADELPHIA — Saying he was preparing for any cornered hero or plucky protagonist, local Good Samaritan Eric Blackwell always leaves his car unlocked and running just in case it’s needed, according to those close to him.

“It may be risky, but I can’t bear the thought of some wrongly accused hero or time-strapped protagonist not being able to save the world in time because they forgot how to hotwire a car,” Blackwell said. “My Toyota Tercel is always parked in my driveway with the key in the ignition on the off chance the police or villainous syndicate are closing in on a main character desperate to initiate a high-speed chase through the cluttered downtown or our bustling Chinatown district. It’s not much, but I hope I can at least help out when someone out there needs a compelling second-act set piece.”

Blackwell’s wife elaborated on other kind gestures her husband routinely does to benefit the local protagonists.

“Eric is so sweet, he’s always leaving a house key under our doormat or his cell phone unlocked for some benevolent maverick to use in their time of need,” Patricia Blackwell said. “As well as leaving his car unlocked, he’s always mentally ready for someone to bang on his car window, hastily flash a badge, and throw him out onto the pavement only to speed away after a criminal. In fact, I believe he has a speedboat loosely tied up at the harbor in the event a main character needs to flee through the canal. He’s never shown it to me, though. He says I’m not allowed to use it unless I’m trying to give some goons the slip.”

Local rogue protagonist Tommy Steel said that Blackwell’s gracious actions are appreciated.

“I’ve stolen his car almost seven times now, and almost every single time I’ve blown it up or bailed out as I sent it careening off a cliff. He has never once complained,” Steel said. “One time I even had to jump off the fire escape of a next-door building, and sure enough Eric had piled a large mound of trash bags in the alley to cushion my fall. Real class act.”

At press time, sources reported Blackwell also keeps a pink girl’s bike unattended outside his home, in case a stranger needs to make a silly impromptu getaway as well.

Coworkers Don’t Believe Nintendo Employee Has Nephew in 5th Grade

Posted on by Kyle Duggan

REDMOND, Wash. — Workers at Nintendo of America are skeptical of their colleague Josh Underwood’s claim that his sister, Kathy, has an 11-year-old son.

“I don’t know why he feels the need to make stuff up like this,” said Senior Marketing Specialist Robin Brennan. “We all like him already. He’s a nice guy and a reliable coworker, but he’s only going to drive people away with these ridiculous stories. He’s always saying stuff like, ‘my nephew says there’s a new type of apple juice in his school’s cafeteria.’ No there’s not, dude. Shut up.”

Underwood, an IT associate, says that he doesn’t understand why his coworkers challenge him on what he contends to be mundane life details.

“I don’t see why they think it’s so unlikely that I would have a nephew,” said Underwood. “Fred from accounting is around my age and he’s got a daughter in middle school, but no one accuses him of lying. These guys never believe anything I say, like how they all rolled their eyes when I told them I met my wife on a trip to Vancouver.”

Human Resources Assistant Cal Spencer was eager to share his opinion on the story of how Underwood met his spouse.

“Oh, yeah, the ‘wife’ from ‘Canada,’” said Spencer, making mock quotation marks in the air with his fingers. “Like we haven’t heard that one a million times before. I wonder if she goes to the same dojo as Josh. He even claims to have a black belt in jiu jitsu, you know.”

At press time, Underwood was seen preparing for a weekend trip to see his sister’s family. Sources in his office indicated that he had packed a bag full of unreleased games including Metroid Prime 4, a fully-translated copy of Mother 3, and a special version of Super Smash Brothers Ultimate that has Master Chief in it.

Behind on Your New Year’s Resolution? Ring Fit Adventure Will Get You Back Off Your Ass

Posted on by Parker Johnson

Look, fitness is hard. Being consistent with fitness is even harder. One of the most effective ways I’ve found to stay consistent with exercise is with Nintendo’s Ring Fit Adventure. Whether you’re purchasing it now or just digging it out from under some pizza, Ring Fit is among the best fitness games that can be the start of a path towards getting in shape.

Ring Fit Adventure is one of the Nintendo Switch’s best selling games, coming in at #9 as the time of writing, and for good reason. Other fitness games are decent at giving a workout, but can end up feeling a bit monotonous & boring. Ring Fit is not only a good workout, but also a fun game with RPG elements. This combination makes exercise something you look forward to each day rather than dreading.

In the main story mode, you switch between two main “phases” in each level. There’s an exploration phase, where you run along a set track and perform exercises to interact with the environment. There are springs you activate by doing squats, a glider you operate using abdominal twists, and a zipline you operate using a pull of the titular ring. 

Combat against enemies in Ring Fit. The different colored skills are effective against that color of enemy.

Then comes the combat. The combat is turn-based, and operates like a simple RPG. You have attacks with a weakness system to keep in mind: arm exercises are effective against red enemies, legs against blue, abs against yellow, and yoga against green. It’s simple, but interesting enough to keep you engaged.

Outside of levels, you meet a cast of zany characters that are funny and even surprisingly sincere sometimes. Hell, you’ve got a whole-ass skill tree to work with! Who the hell thought of a fitness skill tree?

The Ring Fit Adventure skill tree.
You can unlock new exercises as “attacks,” stat boosts, and more.

If you don’t like RPG elements, though, there’s plenty of other ways to use Ring Fit. You can use the game’s custom mode to set your own individual workouts. You can use the game’s same workout routines, but at your own pace without worrying about turn-based combat. This mode is perfect if you have certain workout routines in mind, and don’t want to worry about doing certain exercises for certain enemies.

In addition to those modes, you can play Ring Fit’s rhythm game. To the tune of the game’s soundtrack and other various Nintendo songs, like “Jump Up, Super Star!” from Super Mario Odyssey, you push and pull the Ring-Con, occasionally squatting and rotating the ring. The song selection is admittedly pretty barebones, but serves as a decent workout soundtrack. Ultimately, though, this mode is just a lesser version of Beat Saber. It can be fun for quick cardio, but not much more.

Ring Fit Adventure is an incredibly satisfying package that serves as a great way to dip your toes into fitness, whether it’s your first time taking it seriously or getting back into it.

Ring Fit Adventure is probably for you if:

  • You want a gamified motivation to start working out.
  • You like turn-based combat and want a unique take on it.
  • You already exercise regularly, but want a new twist to add to your regimen. It can be a fun complement to cardio like biking or running, without needing a gym membership.

It may not be for you if:

  • You have no interest in exercise. I guess you could sit and try to trick the game that you’re actually doing the workout to attack? But that sounds like it would suck.
  • You hate turn-based combat no matter what. Here, they act more as exercise reps, but the combat might still seem tedious.

You can purchase Ring Fit Adventure for the Nintendo Switch here. Keep in mind that the game isn’t available digitally, so you’ll need to find a physical copy. You might also want to consider grabbing an exercise mat as well. This isn’t necessary, but can make some exercises like planks and mountain climbers more comfortable, while also making your workouts a bit less noisy to any downstairs neighbors you may have.

What Exactly Happened to Donkey Kong Jr?

Posted on by Brad Waters

In 1982, spritely young DK Jr set out to save his Dad — Donkey Kong from the evil, nefarious Mario. He had a few more sporadic appearances after that, and then? Silence.

He disappeared from video game culture altogether, seldomly seen since. So, what happened? How did this once vital character in Nintendo’s gaming empire just up and vanish like that?

In the first new edition of Video Game Detective in 6 months, we peel back the layers of this mysterious disappearance and find out…What Exactly Happened To Donkey Kong Jr…

Wild Hearts Crossplay Guide: Is Wild Hearts Cross-Platform?

Posted on by Billy Givens

EA’s new monster-hunting title Wild Hearts brings a smorgasbord of beasts to fell solo or online with other players, promising dozens of hours worth of tracking, slaying, and crafting for you and your pals. However, we live in a time when there are more choices than ever for places to play, meaning that some or all of your friends may find themselves taking down monsters on a different platform than you. That’s where the joys of crossplay come into effect. Find out if Wild Hearts is cross platform and how it works below!

Does Wild Hearts Have Crossplay?

Wild Hearts is available for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X, and PC, so you and your friends may be scattered across multiple platforms – but you can rest easy knowing that Wild Hearts has crossplay. This will allow you to link up easily with those playing on a different console or PC without any hiccups at all. Everything related to the crossplay feature happens on the backend, meaning it takes no extra steps from you to enjoy playing with others regardless of which platform you’re using. 

How to play Wild Hearts cross platform.
You can check your crossplay toggle under overall in the settings menu.

Even better, crossplay is enabled by default to make it simple for you to get started playing online with as many folks as possible. If for some reason you’d like to disable it, though, you can do so by heading to Settings > Overall and then scrolling down to the Online section to toggle the setting on and off. You can also turn online play off altogether should you prefer to play entirely on your own with no interruptions or prompts for cooperative engagement.

Looking for guides on other recent EA games? Check out our Dead Space Remake guides on how to unlock the secret ending and a location guide for Dead Space crew rigs.

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