Joe Tilleli

June 23, 2021

Earth Successfully Uninstalls McAfee

MADRID —The perpetually sunburned founder of McAfee Antivirus Software, John McAfee, was found uninstalled from planet Earth in a Spanish prison on Wednesday around 1…

June 15, 2021

Day Two Recap: God Creates Clouds and Ocean

LOS ANGELES — Sunday morning kicked off Day Two of E3 with conferences from Microsoft, Square Enix, and Our Lord showcasing the new Halo’s multiplayer,…

May 27, 2021

GameStop to Start Accepting Trade-In Items That Drop From Guys You Kill

GRAPEVINE, Texas — GameStop announced today that it is expanding its trade-in program from used video games to weapons, armor, and anything else that drops…

May 23, 2021

This $400 ‘Try Not to Cum’ Masterclass Dropped Its Price to $30 Today

Trying Not to Cum is increasing in popularity, but folks coming into the hobby sometimes struggle with getting started. This new Masterclass, which is on…

May 10, 2021

Jeff Bezos Sees Nothing Wrong With Funding Two Shows About How Lex Luthor’s Arch Nemesis Is Actually the Bad Guy

SEATTLE — Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos reportedly said today that there’s “nothing weird” about the fact that two popular television shows, The Boys and Invincible,…

April 30, 2021

Nation Hooked on New In-Browser Clicker Game

WASHINGTON — Americans are all flocking to a new clicker game hosted on the CVS website entitled Schedule Your COVID Vaccine Appointment, in which players…

April 28, 2021

Highly Anticipated Game Comes Down With a Sudden Case of ‘Crafting System’

OSAKA, Japan — Capcom’s announcement that the highly anticipated Resident Evil Village will include a robust crafting system has fans double-guessing their excitement, according to…

October 31, 2020

Child Who Received Mostly Rare Candies for Halloween Now 36 Years Old

FAIRFIELD, Conn. — Kenny Coleman, local pokemon fan and former adolescent, has reportedly received a number of rare candies in his halloween basket, leveling him…

September 28, 2020

New IT Guy Replaces All Network Passwords With Fun Little Puzzles for You to Solve

PALO ALTO, Calif. — Medical corporate giant BioloGen is paving the way for network security by doing away with boring alphanumeric passwords and replacing them…