Gary Kerls, Author at Hard Drive

‘Advance Wars’ Patch Forces You to Deliver News of Each Unit’s Death to Their Family

Posted on July 17, 2023 by Stephen Bell

REDMOND, Wash. — A new patch to this year’s Advance Wars 1+2: Re-Boot Camp will now task players with delivering the news of each unit’s death to their immediate family, sources have confirmed.

“Okay, that seems a little far,” said local gamer Maria Riley, upon opening the game and learning of the forced update. “First I had to wait over a year for this remastered games from two decades ago to come out because of the war in Ukraine, and then when I finally get my hands on it you’re making me spend 45 minutes after every battle going to various towns in America and telling them their son or husband was lost in a hail of rockets via long and emotional dialogue scenes? I think I’m just gonna play Mario Kart or something.”

The developers of Advance Wars stood by their decision to reflect the weight of the wartime atrocities depicted in their strategy game.

“Although our games may appear to be harmless depictions of a fictional war, it’s actually of the utmost importance that we do everything we can to remind users of the horrors of real war while they play it,” said James Montagna, director of Advance Wars 1+2: Re-Boot Camp. “That’s why in addition to notifying family members in game of their loved one’s ultimate sacrifice, you will also have to endure a grueling six week boot camp, six weeks in real life I mean, before you can start the game’s campaign. It’s absolute hell for the player. We’re very excited.”

The new patch for the game is now available. As of press time, Nintendo had set up a table at a nearby shopping mall in an effort to recruit new Advance Wars players.

Exoprimal Best Suits Guide: What Are the Best Exoprimal Suits?

Posted on July 17, 2023 by Paulo Kawanishi

When it comes to facing waves of dinosaurs pouring out of vortexes, using the best suits in Exoprimal is your safest route to victory. While each suit has its own strengths, some of them have a more complete kit than others, making them a great pick for most situations.

In Exoprimal, you have to complete missions – and survive – where you might need to defeat 200 dinosaurs or protect specific spots from waves of hundreds of dinos. The weapons you have at your disposal are the available exosuits, humanoid armors with a variety of abilities to use and assist your team.

The Best Suits in Exoprimal

The suits in Exoprimal work as characters, not only because each of them has a sort of distinct personality – different voice lines for example – but also due to their skills, weapons, and roles. The suits are split into three categories in the game Assault, Tank, and Support, and the teams have a total of five players. However, different from other games with a structure of roles like this one, such as Overwatch 2, Exoprimal doesn’t force an exact number of each role to complete a team. In other words, you can have only support and tank suits in your party. While you decide on the suits you’re using at the beginning of a match, you can change them during the mission as many times as you want.

As of the time of writing this guide, Exoprimal has a total of 10 suits available for players to use. The developers said, however, that different versions of the standard suits will be added to the game in the future. Keep in mind that this list presents the suits that stand out individually. They aren’t enough to carry a whole party by themselves, always needing other suits to complement the team. So, based on the options already available in the game, the following list of the best suits in Exoprimal goes as follows:

Best Exoprimal Suit: Murasame

This is one of the suits that falls into the tank category and it can be either unlocked when you reach level 30 or with real money. Because of that, you might think this suit is more focused on mitigating damage and protecting enemies. This is definitely not the case with Murasame. Besides the utility this suit offers to the whole party, this samurai-like suit has a kit with a good mix of damage output, mobility, and crowd-control abilities.

The Crescent Moon ability hits enemies around you and taunts them, making you their target instead of your teammates. Since Murasame is not as beefy as other tanks, you might need to relocate when surrounded by too many enemies or far from the support. In this case, Murasame has the Strafe Hook. By using it, you throw a hook that pulls you. While in motion, you can either perform an extra jump or a Falling Attack. Because of this ability, this suit is by far the most agile tank you can have. Another great tool Murasame has is the Vajra Counter, an ability that, once used, puts you in a defensive stance. After some time taking damage, you can use a Counter Attack, throwing enemies into the air.

Vigilant

If Murasame excels in staying close range from enemies, Vigilant is the opposite. As one of the Assault suits, Vigilant can be summarized as the sniper suit and it can be unlocked at level 40 or with real money. Because it can attack enemies from afar, this suit gives you the upper hand either when fighting dinosaurs or other players. In general, Assault suits aren’t as squishy as the Support ones, which doesn’t mean they can take a lot of damage. So, having the possibility of staying afar from enemies is one of the main benefits of using this suit.

Now, Vigilant has more in store than just the capacity of dealing damage from a safe position. The suit’s ability Frost Lock fires an icy cluster that freezes enemies. This is a great crowd-control ability that can be maximized if you shoot it to spray the icy fragments. Considering how useful this skill is for the rest of the party, it’s easy to see why Vigilant is one of the best suits in Exoprimal.

Witchdoctor

If you don’t mind being in the frontline but want to have a key role in your team’s performance, playing as a Support suit is your best shot. The Witchdoctor shines among the other options, not only because of how solid this suit’s kit is but also due to the fact of how easy it is to perform well in the Support role when running Witchdoctor. At the same time, besides having a good healing ability, this suit also has a solid crowd-control ability that, even though it’s not the strongest among the Support suits, can be used constantly while fighting.

The Witchdoctor’s Neuro Rod is a good basic attack but it really shines because it inflicts paralysis on dinosaurs, helping you control the waves of enemies. Because this suit’s basic attack range is quite short, it’s easy to find yourself surrounded by enemies. But, with the Rescue Leap ability you can jump out of – or into – a group of enemies pretty fast.

In terms of healing, Witchdoctor has two solid skills. The first one is an area-of-effect ability called Repair Field. You create a field on the ground that heals allies who are inside of it. For more autonomous healing, you also have Feed, which allows you to heal enemies in close range as well as boost their movement speed. And with Witchdoctor’s Overdrive ability Vital Aura, you can heal all your team and boost their defense, making it a great emergency button.

And that’s all for the best suits in Exoprimal. As mentioned, while these suits are amazing individually, try to combine them with the other suits to create a powerful team. If you’re looking to enhance your loadout further, check out our picks for the best modules in Exoprimal. In case you would like to learn more about another game that can become your go-to option in-between matches, check our guides on Marvel Snap.

Exoprimal Module Guide: What Are the Best Modules in Exoprimal?

Posted on July 17, 2023 by Paulo Kawanishi

The task of defeating waves of dinosaurs that come out of interdimensional vortexes is not easy but they can be if you use the best modules in Exoprimal. While increasing just a few attributes or adding some extra abilities might not sound much, the right modules can put you closer to victory during a match.

In Exoprimal, your character wears a high-tech suit to face several types of dinosaurs that can kill you with only a couple of hits. Each suit has an identity but, by using modules, you are capable of adapting them to your play style.

The Best Modules in Exoprimal

Modules, in Exoprimal, work as passive skills that you can equip in order to customize a suit. There aren’t a great variety of modules in the game, making the number of combinations pretty limited. Even so, since you can equip up to three modules per suit, it does give you the chance to adapt the suit to your play style or help you focus on the suit’s strengths.

How to Equip Modules in Exoprimal

To equip modules, you must access the suits in the Hangar menu. There are general modules and specific modules. The former are unlocked as your account levels up while the latter become available as you increase the suit’s level. In both cases, after reaching the required level to unlock a module, you still need to use BikCoins – the in-game currency you earn by progressing through the game – to effectively turn that module available to use.

The following list is based on the modules available as of the time of writing this guide (shortly after release) and only mentions the general modules.

Impact Reduction Module

When this module is equipped, it reduces the damage you receive from dinosaur attacks and the knockbacks from them as well. While mitigating damage from dinosaurs is always a good option in general considering this is a game about shooting dinosaurs, reducing the effects of their knockbacks is great, since you can even die from falling out of the arena. This module is a solid pick for all the Tank suits, as well as for the Zephyr, an Assault suit focused on melee attacks or Nimbus, a Support suit that is very aggressive and requires you to get close to enemies.

Reload Efficiency Module – Best Exoprimal Modules

One of the first modules you have access to, the Reload Efficiency Module reduces the reload and the recharge time. This might not sound much, but you just need to remember that the time you spend reloading is a period during which you don’t cause damage. If you take longer to kill the specific targets for the mission or the enemy team, the chance of losing the match is higher. And trust us, when playing suits such as Deadeye, Barrage, and Krieger, you definitely want to reduce as much as possible the time you spend reloading or recharging your weapons.

Rig Loading Module

Rigs are special items that you can equip in all suits to add an extra layer of utility or damage to them. Each rig, however, has a cooldown and they tend to be quite longer. With the Rig Loading Module, the cooldown is reduced, allowing you to use it more consistently during fights. Because rigs can go from a simple – but powerful – laser cannon to a catapult that can help you escape from mobs of enemies or reach higher ground, this module is key for builds that rely on these abilities.

Hi-Xol Compression Module

The Hi-Xol Compression Module increases the charge rate of your Overdrive ability. This is a pretty simple passive ability. Even so, it becomes quite useful when we take into consideration that Overdrive abilities are the most powerful skills each suit has. From a sequence of powerful slashes to massive healing, these abilities can save your team in many situations. Suits such as Witchdoctor and Skywave, for example, are some of the ones that benefit the most from this module, since you can always have a strong Support ability to use.

Best Exoprimal Modules: Crafter’s Module

During a mission in Exoprimal, you can craft certain structures to help you when dealing either with furious dinosaurs or desperate players who want to win the match. To craft them, however, you need to use chips which eventually drop from enemies, although the rate is not high. So, to always have one of these structures ready to be crafted, you should run the Craft’s Module. It grants the chance of dropping a craft chip when a crafted structure is destroyed. Believe it or not, a cannon helping kill enemies or a wall holding their attacks might be what you needed to win a match.

This is the list of the best modules in Exoprimal. These are general suggestions based on the standard modules that all suits have access to. When picking for a specific suit, consider mixing these modules with the ones that are unique to them. If you want to know more about other fast-paced games, be sure to check our guides on Final Fantasy XVI.

Party Planner Trying to Figure Out How to Invite Banjo But Not Kazooie

Posted on July 16, 2023 by Rob Steinberg

MUMBO’S MOUNTAIN — Bottles the Mole is reportedly struggling to figure out how to invite just Banjo to his BBQ party with friends.

“I love to party with Banjo. He’s got the chill surfer vibes that you would expect from someone with a shark tooth necklace. Plus he and his sister liven things up with their music,” Bottles explained. “But Kazooie… like jeez, she’s always trying to give me lame nicknames that never stick. It’s so rude! She has no interest in anything anyone says and leaves as soon as she gets what she wants from them. But apparently you can’t invite one without the other! It’s like they’re attached at the back or something and it drives me insane.”

Mutual friend Mumbo Jumbo agreed with Bottles’ intention to invite Banjo without Kazooie.

“Mole right to like bear without bird. Bird only put up with for bear’s sake. Bird try too hard to be funny badass,” Mumbo said. “Bird never relax and let moment breathe. Bird constantly trying to show everyone ‘funny’ videos on bird’s phone that are not funny. Videos straight up cruel. Why bird would want to party with people bird think better than, me don’t know. No one have heart to tell bear they should have own life once in a while.”

Banjo was isolated to be asked, hypothetically, on his thoughts of going to a party without Kazooie. Awkwardly, it turned out Kazooie was hiding in his backpack and jumped in to talk first.

“If Banjo goes to that party without me, then we’re finished as a duo. Without me they’re nothing but a flightless bore and he should never forget that. They think I’m rude? I’m just telling the truth to these boring jerks,” Kazooie said before Banjo had a chance to butt in. “I bet that geek Bottles is going to teach everyone how to do some board game nobody cares about. I’d get all those lame-oids to be shotgunning beers like a real party.”

At the time of the party, Banjo ended up staying around his neighborhood watching Kazooie spit eggs at mailboxes.

Liam Hemsworth Reveals He Ate All Six ‘The Witcher’ Books to Prepare for Playing Geralt

Posted on July 16, 2023 by Cameron Snow

LOS ANGELES — As part of his preparation to fully embody Geralt of Rivia, actor Liam Hemsworth revealed that he ate all six The Witcher novels, sources confirmed.

“Believe it or not, but before getting casted as Geralt, I’d never actually eaten a Witcher book front to back,” said Hemsworth. “But I wanted to do this role justice, so I ran to the library, checked out all the books in the series, and gulped them down right there on the spot. I would have taken a break after one or two, but once they’re halfway down your gullet, they’re hard to put down!”

“I’m really excited to show the world my version of Geralt,” he added. “I know Henry Cavill was a huge fan of the books, and now that I’ve really tasted their pages and felt them in my gut, I feel like I have a great sense of the character. And they’re not even all out of my system yet!”

Hemsworth’s fellow castmates offered their support as he joined the show’s production.

“Of course there’s been some growing pains,” said Hemsworth’s co-star, Anya Chalotra. “Like how any time Hemsworth messes up a line, he’ll tear a couple pages from the script, eat them whole, and then slowly rub his temples as if he’s harnessing his newly consumed knowledge, but that’s to be expected during this difficult transition. It must be tough to hop into the lead role mid-show like this, so even if we have to pause the shoot because Liam coughed up a furball after swallowing his Geralt wig, that’s fine with me. It’s just nice to work with someone who really cares about the job.”

Henry Cavill, the previous actor who played Geralt, commended Hemsworth’s fresh new take on the iconic character.

“They showed me Hemsworth’s audition tape. I immediately knew he was the one for the role when he pulled out a stack of Witcher 3 disks and ate them like a sandwich,” remarked Cavill. “And I’m glad he wasn’t afraid to make his own creative choices either, like how he has a muzzle strapped to his face in every scene.”

As of press time, Netflix canceled The Witcher after Hemsworth unhinged his jaw and devoured the entire cast and crew.

New Marvel Movie to Be Released Direct-to-Airplane

Posted on July 16, 2023 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

LOS ANGELES — Kevin Feige announced today that the upcoming MCU movie Captain America: Brave New World will be released exclusively on airplane TVs.

“We know that Marvel fans are extremely passionate about our films, and we see in our data that people are watching them more and more on the little TVs on the backs of the seats in front of them that airplanes provide,” Feige explained at an event devoid of celebrities due to the SAG-AFTRA strike. “We want to make sure that everyone gets a chance to see the next Captain America movie — which legally I have to state that Chris Evans is not in — the way they want to see it.”

“And let me be perfectly clear: this is not at all due to any waning interest in MCU movies and television. We believe that people simply prefer the ambience of an airplane in the background of our films, and enjoy taking in these incredible stories while traveling to faraway destinations,” Feige stated. “I guess they just love these movies so much that they want to experience them on the way to exciting vacations or something like that.”

Marvel fans reacted to the news with mixed emotions.

“Makes sense, I guess. The thing about watching movies on airplanes is that you can’t really hear or see anything that well. Which is why I like watching all the Marvel movies and shows I haven’t gotten around to on airplanes,” said Kathryn Decker. “You know, because it doesn’t really matter if you forget to pause while asking the flight attendant for one of those little cookies.”

“OK this is going to be EPIC!” said a r/MarvelStudios moderator. “Literally just booked a 3 hour flight to another city just so I could watch Captain America, land, hop back on the return flight, and watch it again! I hope a lot of true Marvel fans are on board, so we can all watch at the same time and CHEER when Thunderbolt Ross comes up! I REALLY hope they explain that he looks different from William Hurt’s version because of a rift in the multiverse.”

At press time, Feige revealed plans to just pretend they released Thunderbolts and see if anyone notices.

McDonald’s vs. Burger King: Who Made Better Video Games?

Posted on July 16, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

Taste is a tricky thing. Sometimes you want something that’s not technically the best thing available, but it just sounds good, damn it. Case in point, I know I should be much farther along into Tears of the Kingdom right now, from an academic standpoint, but I just keep playing Brotato on the couch at the end of the day. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just what I feel like. I’ve heard things like this talked about in terms of games being like fast food, because sometimes you just want a quick and easy time and aren’t trying to have a life changing experience.

Makes sense to me, but what about the actual fast food games? Did you know there were a handful of them? It’s not the most robust genre or anything. Basically McDonald’s did it first and then Burger King did a weird version later. Imagine that!

I got curious about all of these insane sounding games, and thought I’d unearth at least one or two things worth writing about along the way if I dove into them. I wasn’t disappointed. Let’s see who made better video games, McDonald’s or Burger King.

Note: I’m just doing three console games for each. There’s some other McDonald’s software I’m excluding that will certainly still be pointed out in the comments despite my acknowledgement of this, but I just didn’t feel like it was worth including any of it here. Oh, except for the DS software they used to train employees in Japan. What?!

MC Kids

The first McDonald’s game sort of feels like they were testing the water, unsure if they were ok to go full insane McDonald’s lore and set a game in the mystical world occupied by the bizarre assortment of McDonald’s characters. This game opted for a bit more realistic setting, opening on two boys hanging out in their backyard in a tent. Ah yes, the tent hang. An odd springboard into the world of fast food video games, but a warm childhood memory nonetheless. I remember eating S’mores and playing my Game Boy when I would do this as a boy, but what happens to these two kids is Ronald McDonald rolls up on them (they’re unsupervised as hell!) and pleas with them to find his hidden bullshit so that he can go crack Hamburglar a good one right in his jaw. I’m paraphrasing some of that, but you get it.

From there the game launches into a pretty fun NES-era platformer. The overworld and controls are very Super Mario Bros. 3, but the game also has more depth than it might appear. I finished the first six levels and expected to move onto the next larger overworld, only to discover that I had to find four hidden cards in the previous levels before I could advance to the next level. I had noticed a few extra platforms here and there, but honestly had no idea the game offered and expected so much exploration. I went back to the first level, figuring there would be some easy treasure to find there, and I discovered upon screwing around some more a little thing you run over that inverts the gravity of the room and now you’re running around on the ceiling! Of all the NES games I thought M.C. Kids might remind me of, the often overlooked Metal Storm was not even on the list. Very nice surprise. There’s a lot of them in here.

This game is to top tier NES games like StarTropics and the Mario games what McDonald’s is to a nice burger. You won’t mistake it for the real thing, but it’ll do if sounds like the sort of thing you’ll like.

McDonald’s Treasure Land Adventure

This is the shit right here. I think part of the reason I’m fascinated by weird licensed games is that the diamonds in the rough just fucking HIT. For every dozen awful games based on beloved movies, shows, or eateries, there is one that is just mind blowing in its mere above-averageness. And when you find that one, it’s some crazy shit like Michael Jackson’s Moonwalker or the Goof Troop game that the Resident Evil guy made. Just unfathomably weird stuff. This particular game is an adventure that stars Ronnie McDanny himself and that I’m 50 percent sure is inspired by a bad gas huffing experience one of the people at Tresure once had.

That’s right, Treasure! The same folks that brought us Gunstar Heroes which is known as one of the best shooters of the 16-bit era, a personal favorite of mine, and a game that helped cement them as premiere developers of their era. This was their first game! They didn’t want you to know that, so they put it on the shelf until after Gunstar came out, but this McDonald’s game is the true debut of a legendary game studio.

The side scrolling nature gives it a similarity to Gunstar Heroes, but it recalls another iconic Sega game right out of the gate. The green, grassy ledges will remind you of Sonic the Hedgehog’s Green Hill Zone. As will the fast, bouncy soundtrack. And the red robotic turtles. Ok, they’re doing a whole Sonic thing, alright? It’s like Sonic turned into Ronald McDonald and now he has magical powers he can shoot out of his fingers. Reread that sentence, and you know everything you need to know about whether or not you should play this game. I don’t know what more I can tell you.

Global Gladiators

This Genesis sequel to M.C. Kids takes all the dangling plot threads left by the original and answers once and for all what happened to Mick and Mack after the events of the first game. Namely, they ditched the moniker that was blatantly advertising McDonald’s and now they sit around the booth in McDonald’s like a couple of old booze hounds daydreaming about becoming something called a Global Gladiator. This pisses Ronald off so much that he finds them McDonald’s and sends their ass into a book they have to fight their way out of.

I liked M.C. Kids, but I think this is an improvement. It looks and plays better, and the squirt gun is ten times less frustrating to use than the hard to aim blocks you shot at enemies in the original. The animations and sprites are great too, with my personal favorite being a pumped up Ronald McDonald waving a checkered flag at the end of the level if you’ve found enough little Golden Arches to advance. It’s great. This is a fun little run and gun platformer that’s at least as fun as I remember Earthworm Jim being. Not bad for a game meant to make me hungry for McNuggets.

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Every Hades Character Ranked by Their Chance of Beating Me in 1-on-1 Basketball

Posted on July 16, 2023 by Parker Johnson

The Underworld of Hades is filled with diverse and interesting characters. Hot gods with hot bods are plentiful, along with terrifying monsters & renowned warriors. What better place to find a pick-up game to test my skills? Here’s how I, a slightly-below-average-physique 22-year-old, fare against the notable citizens of the Underworld in one-on-one basketball.

#31 — Bouldy

Glorified Wilson from Castaway isn’t doing jackshit against me on the court.

#30 — Tisiphone

Try as I might, I don’t think Tisiphone would be capable of understanding the rules of basketball. It took Zagreus countless hours and deaths before she learned how to even say anything other than “murder.” Explaining basketball is a lost cause. I win by DQ here, but don’t feel very good about it.

#29 — Skelly

Skelly’s kindness is his downfall in basketball. After I miss my first shot of the game, Skelly would spend his possession teaching me better shooting form so I make my next one. I beat Skelly 21-0, but he’s cheering me on the whole time.

#28 — Orpheus

This dork gets absolutely schooled on the court. I’m far from a skilled athlete, but I’d be willing to bet a hefty sum that Orpheus hasn’t even touched anything resembling a basketball, not to mention there’s no shot he ever does cardio. 21-0 if we’re playing full-court, though he might get a lucky shot or two up if we’re playing half-court.

#27 — Dusa

Dusa doesn’t have the confidence to hoop. She probably makes one shot, suddenly gets really shy, and mysteriously floats away.

#26 — Patroclus

At his peak, Patroclus washes me. But he’s far from that peak. The malnourished current state of Patroclus gets dominated by me in the paint with a final score of 21-4 (as long as he doesn’t dejectedly quit halfway through).

#25 — Eurydice

Eurydice fares a bit better than Orpheus, mostly because constantly singing means she has major stamina. That being said, she still has zero muscle, so I post up easily every single possession. 21-5 final score.

#24 — Hypnos

Hypnos and I would schedule a time for the game, but he would never show up, no matter how many times we try to reschedule. He gets higher on the list because it’s hard to say if it counts as losing, but I’m considering it a forfeit.

#23 — Persephone

Persephone is arguably the least remarkable of the gods on the list. She could summon… vines to tangle my feet, maybe? Another easy win.

#22 — Theseus

Theseus comes in lower than you might expect, entirely because he’s a cocky asshole. He’s going to bring a whole crowd, try to do a cool dribble move, and fail miserably every time, except for maybe one or two. The “carried by Asterius” allegations are absolutely true.

#21 — Cerberus

Cerberus is absolutely capable of beating me one-on-one. However, Zagreus has proven that it’s incredibly easy to distract him. I don’t think I beat him if he’s focused, but one Satyr sack ensures he definitely never beats me.

#20 — Demeter

Okay, this is now the sad part of the list: the part where I realize that more than half the cast of Hades schools me on the court. Demeter doesn’t have any physical aptitude, but her ice powers make it pretty impossible to drive in the paint. I lose to Demeter, but complain about “stupid god bullshit” the whole time.

#19 — Dionysus

Dionysus just gets us both really wasted, and I don’t remember a damn thing about the game. He says he won, and I don’t have much of a choice but to believe him.

#18 — Alecto

Alecto beats me from pure aggression, playing insane defense and driving in for a dunk every time. She also yells obscenities at me the entire time, making me feel like shit and waking up the entire neighborhood.

#17 — Aphrodite

Aphrodite has mean handles that you wouldn’t believe. That being said, assuming we’re playing at a public court, the cops are being called immediately unless she agrees to put some clothes on.

#16 — Nyx

Nyx is a lockdown defender, making it pitch-black anytime I get a possession. I’m not gonna be able to see anything on offense the entire game. Well done, I guess, but like Demeter, it feels like cheating.

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Pikmin 4 Release Time Guide: When Does Pikmin 4 Come Out?

Posted on July 14, 2023 by Parker Johnson

Wondering about the Pikmin 4 release time? Hot off the heels of The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, Nintendo’s next game is a long-awaited sequel to a beloved franchise. Unlike Tears of the Kingdom, though, Pikmin 4 has been brewing for what seems like an eternity.

Interviews dating back to 2015 called Pikmin 4 “close to completion,” only for the game to come out eight years later. Luckily, fans’ wait for this new entry is soon to be over! The release time for the game is just around the corner. Here’s what you need to know about when Pikmin 4 is coming out on Nintendo Switch.

When is Pikmin 4 Going to Release?

In the United States, Pikmin 4 is expected to release on July 21, 2023, at 12:00 AM EDT. That translates to the following times for the rest of the country:

11:00 PM CDT
10:00 PM MDT
9:00 PM PDT

For those based in other countries, digital copies of the game will unlock at midnight in your local time zone. If you’d like to play the game early, you can get around your country’s time lock by making a Nintendo account based in New Zealand. This will maximize the time that you can play the new game!

Can you Preload Pikmin 4?

Yes, you can currently preload Pikmin 4 on your Nintendo Switch! After you pre-order the game, you should be prompted to download the game, which will be subsequently unlocked once the release time comes for your respective region. If you’re really raring for some Pikmin content in the meantime, you can check out the demo available on the Nintendo eShop.

That’s all you need to know about the Pikmin 4 release time! After waiting for over a decade since the release of Pikmin 3, the franchise’s latest installment is right around the corner. Enjoy playing the game once it releases in your region (or when it releases in New Zealand, if you go that route.)

Every Kirby Copy Ability Ranked by How Useful They Would Be in a Hostage Situation

Posted on July 14, 2023 by Kevin Podas

There’s nothing more terrifying than finding yourself in a hostage situation, tied up in some cave or prison cell by strangers who are negotiating your life for fortune and power. Maybe you disassociate during the altercation and wonder, like many would, “what would Kirby do?” Many of his various abilities could come in handy in such a situation, allowing you to escape, retaliate, or turn into a plate of jello and just confuse the hell out of your captors. Here are all 68 of Kirby’s copy abilities ranked by how useful they would be in a hostage situation.

#68 — Light

This one is no good, it’s simply going to alert enemies to your presence. But hey, by all means, if you don’t want to get out of this thing alive, go ahead and stick this big bright “kill me” sign on your back. You just shined a light into your captors face and now everyone’s dead and it’s all your fault and everyone’s making fun of you in Hell. Great job, jerk.

#67 — Balloon

You’ll simply begin inflating to the size of a large weather balloon, which is only an invitation for your captors to grab a knife and pop you, leaving you a deflated, defeated mess. And trust me, if you’re doing this, they’re LOOKING to do that. They’re trying to negotiate with police and you’re like “look how big I got, daddy!” That’s not your daddy, that’s a terrorist.

#66 — Cleaning

This is Stockholm syndrome, plain and simple. If you’re grabbing a broom and cleaning out your own holding cell, they’ve already got you wrapped around their little finger. It’s so over. This isn’t the worst power on the list for you to pull out in a hostage scenario, but it is the most embarrassing. Don’t be so down bad for the people extorting you for cash.

#65 — Bubble

Come on, it’s just going to piss them off if you start blowing bubbles in their faces. Think!! If your go-to weapon for escaping this kind of situation is makes your enemy have to rub their eyes a lot, you are going to die so goddamn fast, my dude.

#64 — Freeze

Unlike the Ice ability, the Freeze ability doesn’t do much besides change the temperature. “Hey, did it just get cold in here? I think it’s this guy’s fault — let’s kill him!”

#63 — Bell

Clanging some bells around and making loud, annoying noises might stun your jailers for a moment, but again, is just going to make them angry the second they get back to their senses. Irritating them is not the way to go here. In fact, this is even probably going to get your fellow hostages pissed off at you and those people are literally your only ally here (unless for some insane reason you trust the police).

#62 — Paint

If you’ve truly given up on escaping, you could at least use the Paint ability to color the walls of your holding cell to be a little less drab. And maybe color therapy could have an effect on your captors too, who knows? “Wow now that this drab bank I’m holding up with my buddies is pink, I’m starting to realize that all this aggression is because of the cruelty of my father from when I was a boy!” Not likely, we’ll be honest.

#61 — Circus

Mildly amusing, and not much else, really. Sure you’ll have acrobatic agility and a slew of entertaining abilities, but juggling a bunch of bowling pins around probably won’t lead to your salvation here. At least try to chuck one of the pins at a guy’s nuts, right? Why are you juggling them?

#60 — Ball

You can turn into a ball and bounce off the walls. Pretty unwieldy to control, but you might hit someone in the head if you’re lucky. Overall, it’s really up to chance with this one, and largely depends on the location you’re being held captive in as a human bargaining chip.

#59 — Festival

This is like something out of Looney Tunes. You and your captors get dressed up in flamboyant festival attire and dance around for about 10 seconds. Then, it’s right back in the chair again. But hey, at least you guys could bond a little bit? That might help? Most likely, though, just wanna reiterate, you are going to die. Just now in a fancy little outfit. And that’s not nothing, I guess.

#58 — Whip

You’re already tied up, so a fat lot of good this will do you. More ropes won’t really help, and your captors will likely just confiscate them to tie more of your appendages down. Your only real chance of survival here is to strike up a conversation with them about how much you look like Indiana Jones and you better PRAY you have the same opinion on which one is the best of the five. Imagine getting held hostage by someone who loves Temple of Doom!

#57 — Throw

If you start throwing stuff around the room, they’re just going to blindfold you or something. You gotta stay cool in this situation, and just hope they get what they’re asking for and let you go, so long as they don’t consider you to be a liability in the future. The most likely thing you’re throwing here is the game, and the game is not dying. Because most likely you’re dead now.

#56 — Laser

You’d think this would be more helpful, but the laser beams will only bounce back and forth off of the walls and be entirely too chaotic. Everyone’s going to start shooting in retaliation, it’s gonna be a total mess. Good job, you started a full-on hectic shootout and you don’t even have a gun on you.

#55 — Wing

The second you try to fly out of that chair, expect your wings to be clipped immediately. There’s no way they’re going to allow this, and they’ll probably put you in a smaller, more uncomfortable cage or something, too. And if you’re not a Native American, you’re gonna straight up look like a girl at Coachella the whole time you’re cramped in there.

#54 — Stone

You turn into a rock or a statue or something. “Hey did that guy just turn into a marble statue of Mario?” You’ll be nearly invulnerable for a moment, but the second you turn back, they’ll murder you for sure. You can’t just Super Smash Bros. Down-B your way out of being in a hostage situation, dumbass.

#53 — High Jump

You can jump real high with this one, obviously, but the second you do, they’ll probably start shooting at you. Really only useful if you’re being held captive at the bottom of a well or something, and that’s probably not the case, unfortunately. Nice try, child-aged Bruce Wayne!

#52 — Cutter

Toss a razor sharp blade at the nearest person guarding your exit. Be careful though, because these things are also boomerangs, and will come right back to slice your head off if you’re not paying attention. DO NOT TRY UNLESS AUSTRALIAN.

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