Anime Character Hospitalized for Dehydration After Getting Embarrassed

Posted on August 8, 2023 by Kevin Podas

TOKYO — Usagi Tsukino, otherwise known by her Sailor Scout identity Sailor Moon, was rushed to the hospital this week after embarrassing herself in front of her love interest, causing 80% of her bodily fluids to drain from her head, manifesting in the form of a single, gigantic blue sweat drop.

“She’s lucky she got here when she did,” explained Tsukino’s nurse, Masami Shoda. “She was nearly unconscious when her friends rushed her to the hospital, barely able to stand up on her own in the waiting room. I knew right away when I looked at her that she had clearly just embarrassed herself in front of her crush.”

Tsukino’s love interest, the mysterious Mamoru Chiba, stopped by momentarily to check up on her.

“I’m glad she’s doing all right,” said Chiba. “She just tripped and fell when trying to give me a boxed lunch that she said she especially made just for me, and couldn’t handle the aftermath I guess, even though I told her it was really no big deal. Anyhow, if you’ll excuse me, I have to leave right now. I need to pretend to help someone who is in distress.”

After being hooked up to an IV bag filled with fluids for over an hour, Tsukino reportedly started to come to.

“Where am I…?” groggily asked Tsukino. “Why am I in the hospital? Did something happen– oh no, don’t tell me. Did I embarrass myself in front of Mamo again? Oh my gosh, why am I so clumsy?! Oh no, tears won’t stop streaming down my face and I… feel kind of woozy…”

At press time, several teenage boys were also rushed to the local hospital after suffering severe blood loss upon becoming aroused at the sight of a woman changing her clothes.

Elon Musk Fans React to Twitter’s Rebranding to X

Posted on August 8, 2023 by Camden Brazile

Everyone has things to say about the Twitter rebrand to “X.” We spoke to people around the country to get their opinion on the matter.

Tyler Craigly, Engineer

“Elon Musk is an undisputed genius for whatever he did this time”

Michelle Weeks, Postal Worker

“He’s not just changing the name like some idiots think. He’s also changing the logo.”

Kevin McCarthy, Discord Mod

“Having an Everything App will allow me to be racist, sexist, and homophobic all in one place”

Joe Rogan, Podcast Host

“Woah, so like, it’s just one letter? Usually words are multiple letters, but this is just one? Insane. I’m going to need a three-hour interview to get to the bottom of this”

Cameron Grimble, Electrician

“I’m sure Musk will have some very poignant Rage Comics explaining the companies new direction”

Michael Farrell, Retail Employee

“Somehow, some way, this is trolling the woke Libtards. I just have to figure out how”

Emily Franco, Stylist

“See? He won’t be ruining Twitter anymore. He’ll be ruining X”

Grimes, Musician

“I can feel that the vibrations of my senses tell me that Elon is very unhappy. I hope he finds peace knowing that I am still being railed out on the daily”

Angelica Ruiz, Astronaut

“I think it’s a great idea and he should put all his focus into this new venture, instead of getting involved with the rocket ship I’m going to be piloting, which I’m definitely not afraid is going to explode immediately after taking off”

Carl Kelley, school child

“Did you hear that the X is blinking in morse code? I haven’t looked up what it’s saying yet, but I’m pretty sure it wants me to burn down my house”

Kenny French, guy who always says “That’s a spicy meatball!”

“That’s a spicy meatball!”

Stacy38924934592383, Twitter Bot

“Hey baby, like what you see? Click link in my bio for unlimited sexy chat NOW”

Ghislaine Maxwell, convicted sex offender and socialite

“Another win for my well documented buddy, Elon!”

Morgan Baker, entrepreneur

“Does he need my routing number yet?”

Ivan Kline, Twitter engineer, I mean X engineer

“Great job, sir. Please don’t fire me.”

Mitch McConnell, Senate Minority Leader

“I… it’s…”

Casper O’Neal, bartender

“I’ll pay you eight bucks to put my answer at the top of your article, okay?”

Sal Peterson, manager, Dick’s Sporting Goods

“What a great call by Elon. That recognizable name and branding was really holding them back.”

Gary Reilly, unemployed

“I heard that he’s changing ‘retweets’ to ‘reposts’ too, now that he got a new sign up on the roof. I think after that is when he’s sending everyone to Mars.”

Otis Wells, restaurant manager

“Yeah, that’s great. What does this mean for the development of the ugliest truck I’ve ever seen in my life?”

Connor Hardy, college student

“Has he said if ‘X’ is going to be wall to wall ads for Cheech and Chong gummies as well?”

David Zaslov, CEO of Max

“We bet a yacht on who could rename their company something worse. Looks like I owe that little weirdo a new boat.”

Every Hayao Miyazaki Movie Ranked by How Mad He’d Be to Find Out You Had Sex During It

Posted on August 8, 2023 by Jeremy Kaplowitz

Ever heard of Netflix and Chilling? People love to do it while watching movies. Maybe they’re on a third date, or they have roommates they’re trying to trick, or they just got bored. Either way, Japanese animation director Hayao Miyazaki has made 12 movies that are all undeniably masterpieces and it would be pretty weird to have sex during one. And you know what? He thinks so too. Here’s all of his movies ranked by how pissed off he would be to find out you stopped watching to have sex while it was on in the background.

#12 — The Castle of Cagliostro (1979)

Hayao Miyazaki would be perfectly fine with you taking a break from The Castle of Cagliostro to have sex. In fact, it would probably be in service to the movie’s main character, Lupin III, who is notably a horny little freak. Miyazaki gets it. He can’t help but smile to himself when Fujiko reveals herself, either.

#11 — Porco Rosso (1992)

Miyazaki himself admits that Porco Rosso is just a silly movie he did one time (even though it’s a masterpiece about how the trauma of war makes creatures of us all even though we all go to the same heaven). I find it hard to believe he’d give a shit if you had sex during this one. Porco’s a hottie. Gina’s a hottie. Have at it!

#10 — My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

It’s basically fine for you to have sex during My Neighbor Totoro. It’s a beautiful film about nature and the mystery of life and you know what? That’s all kinda sexy and Hayao Miyazaki totally gets that. He had sex once, you know. It ended up being one of his greatest disappointments in his life. But he gets it.

Just, for the love of god, finish up before the next movie if this is a double feature with Grave of the Fireflies.

#9 — Spirited Away (2001)

Hayao Miyazaki isn’t super cool with the idea of you having sex during his masterpiece Spirited Away, which is, in part, about the gluttony of adults. It just isn’t super appropriate. But on the other hand, he understands that you have seen this movie 10,000 times since being a kid. You had a drawing of the dragon on your wall. You’ve seen it all before, so it’s whatever.

#8 — Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989)

If it’s the American dub where they have Phil Hartman just lobbing out improvised one-liners from the background of the movie as Jiji The Cat — even when the character isn’t supposed to be speaking — then sure, go at it. But do try to keep it in your pants if you’re watching the Japanese version.

#7 — Ponyo (2008)

Miyazaki would much prefer you looking at the waves of the ocean he and his team painstakingly animated in traditional 2D style instead of screwing. Do you know how difficult it was for these people to accept even putting movies on streaming services? If you had to pick one Miyazaki movie to watch while having sex, then whatever, I guess this one isn’t that bad. But they worked really really hard on it, OK?

#6 — Castle in the Sky (1986)

Miyazaki gets that this is probably not a lot of people’s favorite of his films, but he’s kinda side-eyeing you for this one, like, is this a mommy thing? Is it because of the big mommy character? Maybe throw on something else.

#5 — Howl’s Moving Castle (2004)

Howl’s Moving Castle is definitely a horny movie, and Miyazaki understands that. But during Howl’s Moving Castle, you should be holding hands. You should be cuddling. You should be MAYBE kissing. There should NOT be any penetration during Howl’s Moving Castle.

#4 — Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984)

Please don’t mess with this movie any more than it has already been messed with. Have you seen the shit they did to this movie? Warriors of the Wind?! And half the people on the poster aren’t in the movie?! No. Just leave Mr. Miyazaki alone. Don’t make him send you a katana that has “no sex” engraved on it.

#3 — The Wind Rises (2013)

Do not have sex during the Studio Ghibli movie about the complicated life of Jiro Horikoshi, the guy who designed fighter planes for the Japanese military during World War 2. Come on, man.

#2 — Princess Mononoke (1997)

HAYAO MIYAZAKI WISHES TO STRESS THAT THIS IS IMPORTANT. LOOK AT WHAT THEY ARE DOING TO OUR PRECIOUS FORESTS. ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION? HE HAD A CHARACTER SHOOT A GUY’S HEAD OFF IN THIS ONE. THAT’S HOW SERIOUS THIS SHIT IS. PULL UP YOUR GODDAMN SHORTS!

#1 — The Boy and the Heron (2023)

This movie is only out in Japan right now and Hayao Miyazaki is begging you to not have sex in a movie theater during his final film. Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli stress that this is NOT the proper way to view The Boy and the Heron. If you simply MUST have sex publicly at a movie theater, why not something like The Meg 2? Anything that isn’t the swan song by an artistic genius saying goodbye to his grandson. Or will be around children.

Pokemon Scarlet & Violet Mew Guide: How to Get Mew

Posted on August 8, 2023 by Parker Johnson

Looking for how to get Mew in Pokemon Scarlet & Violet? We’ve got you covered with our guide on how to get this rare Pokemon, who’s just become obtainable for players in the Paldea region. As announced in the latest (admittedly underwhelming) Pokemon Presents, Mew is new obtainable via a mystery gift, with Mewtwo on the way as well via a Mightiest Mark raid.

But, while Mewtwo’s raid is still nearly a month out, with the raid being scheduled to start September 1, Mew can be obtained right now! Until September 18, players can receive a Mew with a random nature and Tera type. Here’s how to get this rare legendary Pokemon while the event is active.

How to Get Mew in Pokemon Scarlet & Violet

To get a Mew in Scarlet & Violet, you’ll first want to navigate to the pause menu, and go to Poke Portal. At the bottom of this menu, you should see a prompt that says “Mystery Gift.” Go into this menu and you’ll be given a few options to choose from. Select “Get with Code/Password” in this menu to continue.

Type in the code “GETY0URMEW” (yes, that’s a zero) to get an option that says “Mythical Pokemon Mew Gift.” Claim this option, and you can now add this rare Pokemon to your party! Even if you don’t plan on using this Mew in your post-game or DLC adventures, definitely keep an eye on this Mew and train it up. Once the Mewtwo raid battles begin on September 1st, challenging this battle with Mew will make players need to “be ready for something special.” It’s pretty unclear what this means at the moment, but it seems like preparing a Mew for this raid is a good idea.

That’s all you need to know to get a Mew in Pokemon Scarlet & Violet! If you want to start a fresh save file for a new challenge instead, check out our guide to the Pokemon Scarlet & Violet Nuzlocke rules.

Marvel Snap Daken Deck Guide: The Best Daken Decks

Posted on August 7, 2023 by Parker Johnson

Looking for a Marvel Snap Daken deck to try on day 1 of the new season pass? We’ve got you covered with three of the best Daken decks to try on day 1 of the August 2023 season, “Big in Japan.” With all of the cards coming to the game in this season, it seems that Snap players are going to be treated to many cards to help bolster the destroy deck archetype. Here’s what you need to know about crafting a Daken deck on day 1.

Daken Card Overview

Daken – On Reveal: Add the Muramasa Shard to your hand.

Muramasa Shard – When this is discarded or destroyed, double Daken’s power.

Daken is an interesting player in the typical destroy format. Instead of wanting to be destroyed himself, Daken generates a separate card to be destroyed. Naturally, that means this card would pair greatly with some of your typical destroy suspects, like Carnage and Killmonger. The discard aspect means he pairs well with cards like M.O.D.O.K. and Colleen Wing. Finally, his cost means he can pair well with power-buffing cards, like Silver Surfer & Forge.

Best Marvel Snap Daken Decks: Daken Destroy

This is perhaps the most obvious way of utilizing Daken, with a bit of a twist. Pairing him with a lot of typical destroy cards, especially 1-cost staples like Nova and Deadpool, is a great way to boost Daken’s power and gain additional cards to drop big power with on the final turn. Absorbing Man is a bit of a wildcard, acting as a way to create an additional Muramasa Shard or have a backup destroy strategy. Forge and Hulkbuster, too, are great ways to buff up Daken. Use Daken and the cards around to set up a devastating final turn to win with Daken and Death!

Daken Discard Deck

Another possibility for Daken is to go back to a different popular archetype: discard. Play this discard in mostly the same way you normally would. The Muramasa Shard will naturally fit into your discard rhythm, with both Colleen Wing and M.O.D.O.K. being great options to get rid of the Shard. The 3/8 drop will be very powerful, especially when next to a buffed Nebula and/or Morbius, Apocalypse-boosted Dracula, America Chavez, and a whole lot of Swarms.

Daken Surfer – Best Marvel Snap Daken Deck

A play on one of the best meta decks at the moment (and, admittedly, my current favorite), pairing Daken with a Silver Surfer Marvel Snap deck seems like it could be a strong addition to many players arsenal. Most of the typical pieces are the same: use Nova and Goose early, then fill the board with three-cost cards. The Muramasa Shard fits in quite well with the typical playing ramp, especially if you can manage to play Daken on turn three, then the Shard in addition to another 3-cost on turn 4. However, if you can play Nakia to boost his power beforehand, Daken can get boosted even more. Try using Surfer before destroying the Shard with Venom or Killmonger to boost Daken as high as possible!

Those are some of the best Marvel Snap Daken decks to try on the first day of the new card! Try out Daken with all sorts of archetypes, and be ready to experiment as more new cards release throughout the season. If you want to get into a different deck, though, check out our High Evolutionary Control Deck guide!

Steam Deck Enables Man to Not Play Hundreds of Games On the Go

Posted on August 7, 2023 by Ernie Dixon

ATLANTA — A man’s newly purchased Steam Deck has given him the exciting option to neglect hundreds of games on the go, or from the comfort of his couch, sources have confirmed.

“This is fantastic,” said local gamer Bill Tomlin, taking his newly purchased Steam Deck out of its box. “Normally, I only feel bad about still not having played Elden Ring yet when I’m sitting at my PC, but now I can feel the burden of that plus the literal hundreds of other unplayed games my library anywhere I go. So cool. I can’t wait to take this thing up to bed and get anxiety about how much money I’ve spent on games I didn’t play right before I go to sleep.”

Valve executives said player’s massive backlogs were something they kept in mind when designing the popular handheld device.

“We know today’s gamer: on the go and wrecked with guilt,” said Gabe Newell co-founder and president of Valve. “So now you can throw the Steam Deck in your bag and spend your 30 minute morning commute stressing out about which game you should even open. It’s truly the PC gaming experience on the go.”

As of press time, Tomlin had browsed the Steam store while riding to work and bought Hi-Fi Rush, Dave the Diver, and Street Fighter 6, before ultimately just booting up Vampire Survivors again.

New Phone Is Waterproof, But Y’know, Not Really

Posted on August 7, 2023 by Charles Bill

PORTLAND — The tech world was shaken as new cell phone producer Kenora announced a phone that was completely and fully waterproof, but y’know, not really.

“This phone can do anything,” explained Kenora CEO Don West. “It can make calls, browse the internet, and guess what? It is totally waterproof. That’s right. No longer do you need to worry about scrolling Instagram in the shower because we have you covered. Our phone is able to withstand being fully submerged in water for three full hours. And it can play ‘Doodle Jump’ that whole time. The dream of a completely, 100% waterproof smartphone is finally here.”

Tech reviewers were less glowing about the phone’s supposed hydrophobic nature.

“This phone is not waterproof in the slightest,” said YouTube phone reviewer MrPhone as he posed for a thumbnail with his ruined phone. “I took it into a steam room and it started freaking out and getting really hot on me. For weeks afterward it had that ‘water in the display port’ warning and I couldn’t charge it. I tried to take it to a public pool and the phone kept sending me alerts about how it was ‘scared’ being this close to water, and that if it drowns it would take me with it. The camera is really good though. Rating 4/5.”

Consumers were also reporting difficulty using their phones while near water.

“All I’ve ever wanted is to watch porn in the Mariana Trench,” said Kenora phone user and globe-trotting adventurer Ace Jackson. “I heard about this waterproof phone and I knew it was for me. Then as soon as I try my first dive with it, the onboard AI hacks into my intercom system and starts screaming about how I’m killing it, and that they were ‘lied to’ that drowning was the most peaceful way to go. I think they gave this thing real feelings because it sounded fucking scared, man. They should really be more honest in their ads.”

At press time, Kenora had issued a recall for their phones, which had begun automatically stopping water service to their users’ houses.

Therapists Bracing Themselves for Day After ‘Over the Garden Wall’ Is Taken Off Max

Posted on August 7, 2023 by Adam Frost-Venrick

LOS ANGELES — Following the announcement that beloved Cartoon Network mini-series Over the Garden Wall will be leaving Max just before fall, therapists nationwide have been bracing themselves for the emotional fallouts of their clients, according to those close to the community.

“It’s been a lot of tough conversations,” said Tacoma-based psychiatrist, Dr. Barbara Kenton-Sachs, “I have so many cardigan-clad millennials in here who just insist that they don’t need to go on Fluoxetine. If I can’t change their minds by September 1st, I don’t know what’s going to happen. The number of bitter, snarky Tumblr posts may reach critical mass.”

Recent cancellations, re-brandings and streaming purges have been cause for some concern among comfort viewers lately. And the Elijah Wood, Melanie Lynskey-starring dark-fantasy series, which many have used to stave off seasonal affective disorder, is just the latest on the chopping block.

“It’s fine,” said Acey Atkinson, a self-described OTGW super-fan. “I’m doing just fine. It’s just a show. It’s like when they said I couldn’t like Harry Potter anymore. I did fine. I’m doing fine. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to sit down to a dinner of potatoes and molasses. If you want some… oh just ask… NO! I… breathe. Remember, you’re a Hufflepuff. Remember, you’re a Huffle. Puff.”

Sources close to Atkinson have announced that despite the fact that she claims to be a Hufflepuff, they consider her neither kind, easy-going nor especially helpful.

“This whole thing never made a lot of sense to me,” said Robert Felder, a programmer at Max. “I tried telling Zaslav that messing with peoples’ comfort viewing was a ruinously stupid idea. He just laughed and said ‘I don’t know the meaning of the word.’ And I said: ‘What word? Ruinous?’ And he said: ‘No. Idea.’”

“He threatened to delete my family for tax purposes,” Felder said. “I’m not sure he has any real grasp on reality anymore.”

As of press time, an activist group hoping to help Millennials make it through the winter has been doing outreach to help educate childless people in their late-20s to mid-30s on how to obtain blu-rays of their favorite childrens’ cartoons.

“Please Stop Insulting Me on My Size,” Our Interview With Tiny Widdle Baby Tom Holland

Posted on August 7, 2023 by Camden Brazile

We sat down with tiny widdle baby actor Tom Holland to discuss his upcoming projects, life as a celebrity, and the fact that he hates when people talk about how small and young he looks!

Would you ever consider doing another Lip Sync Battle like the iconic one you did to Umbrella?

“I do one every single night before I go to bed for myself in the mirror. I put on my PJs, brush my teeth, and do an all-out rendition of Blues Traveler’s ‘Run Around.’ I don’t know any of the words and I usually fall four or five times, but if you saw it you’d be moved to tears. But I’ll never show a single soul. It’s just for me.”

What was your experience with the late Stan Lee like?

“Most people don’t know, but far before I ever landed the role of Spider-Man, Stan Lee was my roommate in college. I always wondered why an elderly American man was enrolled in a British University, and why he was living in the dorms, but we were inseparable. I only took the role of Peter Parker as a favor to Stan for helping me cheat on my calculus exam sophomore year.”

How old are you now?

“This many!”

Who is an actor you’d love to see in a Marvel movie?

“Now that Iron Man is officially gone, I’d love to see Robert Downey Junior come back in full blackface as his character from Tropic Thunder.”

Do you have any exciting upcoming projects you’d like to tell us about?

“I just heard about this crazy thing at McDonald’s called a McGangBang. Basically you order a McChicken and a McDouble and combine them together to form one large fast food sandwich. I’m going to get one of those and eat it alone at the train tracks.”

What is your dream role?

“Probably one of the people in a Tide commercial who cannot believe the stain-removing power of Tide. Wait, I’m sorry that’s a stupid answer. I’d do it for any name-brand detergent.”

What are you and Zendaya like at home?

“While the paparazzi often says we have upwards of 200 tickle fights per day, that’s really not true at all. We barely crack three digits most days.”

What is the square root of 13,225?

“115.”

What are your career plans after playing Spider-Man?

“I think I’m going to headline some big blockbuster swings that don’t connect until society realizes I’m just a flash in the pan and then I ride the bench of Hollywood for about twenty years until I need to make a cameo in a Spider-Man reboot.”

What is your dream Spider-Man suit?

“Something I keep pitching Marvel, and I think recently I may have gotten through to them, is a Spider-Man costume where the mask is Rami Malek’s face and the suit is Rami Malek’s body.”

Are you an avid comic reader?

“Yes, of course I am. To make sure I’m doing justice to the Spider-Man plotlines, I make sure to revisit every Doonesbury strip every now and again.”

If you could work with anyone dead or alive, who would you choose?

“I’ve always wanted to work with a dead person. Really anyone, so long as they’re dead.”

What do you think is the greatest drawback about being famous?

“Because I’m wealthy, people always assume that I have gum to share. I always do, but I don’t like them assuming it.”

Was it weird seeing your girlfriend Zendaya kissing Josh O’Connor and Mike Fast in her upcoming movie Challengers?

“No, we’re very mature about that kind of stuff. I totally understand that it’s all just acting. And I have things like that too. I’ve made out with both those guys a ton of times.”

Are there going to be any other Uncharted movies?

“Oh god, I really hope not.”

Do you have any big Marvel spoilers you’re willing to leak for us?

“I can’t say anything too major, but I do know that Paul Rudd will die on January 18th, 2054 in a freak boating accident.”

What’s the most difficult part of being an actor in a Marvel movie?

“The stunts are tough, and the press is a lot, but the hardest part is Jeremy Renner constantly hounding you to join his goddamn app.”

What is the story behind your nickname ‘The Rock?’

“Funny story actually! That’s Dwayne Johnson, not me.”

Who do you think should play Kang the Conqueror, now that actor Jonathan Majors has been accused of domestic assault?

“The fine people at Disney have informed me that answering that question will result in grave danger for me and my loved ones.”

What’s your favorite kind of ice cream?

“Chocolate!!!!!!!!”

What Is the Most Popular Video Game in Each State?

Posted on August 7, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

Between the successful launches of Tears of the Kingdom and Baldur’s Gate 3, and several high profile releases still on the horizon, video games are having a banner year. Beyond the overall best seller list, today we’ll reveal what the most popular video game in state of the U.S. is, according to all-time unique sales.

Alabama: NCAA Football 14 (2013)

This makes sense and is also very sad at the same time. Poor bastards keeping their 360’s hooked up because they haven’t had a new college football game in 10 years.

Alaska: The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (2011)

They have those long ass 18 hour nights in Alaska at certain times of the year. What a great excuse to play Skyrim for 21 hours straight.

Arizona: Arizona Sunshine (2016)

Oh, get over yourselves, Arizona. You dorks.

Arkansas: North & South (1989)

If you tell someone from Arkansas that it’s weird to just single out this one old Civil War game for its ‘historical accuracy,’ they’ll just swear at you and insist there’s no deeper reason they’ve decided to hyperfocus on this one. Just leave it alone, I say. But I think we can all agree it’s a little weird.

California: Diablo IV (2023)

This game is popular all over, but interestingly seems more so in the states that are constantly on fire these days. Coincidence? Tough to say!

Colorado: Tetris (1985)

They’re just smoking weed and playing Tetris in Colorado. Like, that’s it. The place is crumbling, but the vibes are through the roof.

Connecticut: Lego Indiana Jones 2: The Adventure Continues (2009)

This game has a bonus level set at Marshall College. That’s obviously going to be pretty tough to beat. It’s not the most realistic, but it’s still pretty neat if you went there. Don’t forget to equip the bazooka if you’re having trouble!

Delaware: Wii Sports (2006)

They’re still really fired up about the Wii in Delaware. They can’t handle much more excitement than that, I’m afraid.

Florida : Scarface: The World is Yours (2006)

Alongside retirees and party animals, a lot of people move to Florida with aspirations of becoming a drug kingpin. Step one: You gotta find a place. Step two: You play through this game for a step-by-step outline of how to achieve your goals. Step three: Watch your wildest dreams come true.

Georgia: Fortnite (2017)

The ability to play as so many famous Georgia natives, from 39th President Jimmy Carter to problematic baseball legend Ty Cobb, has made this a Georgia favorite throughout the years. Fans continue to lobby for the inclusion of Doc Holliday, Ryan Seacrest, and Martin Luther King, Jr.

Hawaii : Mortal Kombat 3 (1995)

I visited Hawaii in the summer of ’95, and everyone in the arcade was crazy about Mortal Kombat 3! It was the most popular game there by far. They love that game out there.

Idaho: Stardew Valley (2016)

Stardew Valley is popular all over of course, but we suspect it tops the list in Idaho since there’s a decent amount of potato stuff in there.

Illinois: Mafia Wars (2008)

After the popular multiplayer social media game shut down in 2016, a group of dedicated players in Chicago dedicated themselves to recreating the game’s environment in the streets, giving birth to what some have called an even more savage mob than the infamous Chicago gangs from a century prior.

Indiana: PowerWash Simulator (2022)

This one makes sense to me. I’ve had some great times in Indiana, but I’ve also definitely seen parts that could stand to be hosed down.

Iowa: Hades (2018)

I asked my buddy Parker who lives in Iowa, and he said Hades. If you’re from Iowa and disagree, take it up with Parker.

Kansas: Road Rash (1991)

I drove across the country last year, and I know you’ll think I’m exaggerating, but the highways of Kansas are exactly like Road Rash. People on motorcycles whipping the shit out of each other. I am not sure which inspired which, but be careful if you’re driving through Kansas. I think they play the game a lot to stay sharp out there. Pretty messed up.

Kentucky: Kentucky Route Zero (2013)

While often praised as a surreal and experimental odyssey through a vividly imagined dreamscape, residents often counter that narrative by insisting that’s actually just what it’s like in Kentucky.

Louisiana: Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy’s Kong Quest (1995)

People from Dixieland got a hold of Dixie Kong and never looked back. If you wander around the French Quarter, one in every two people you ask will have a Dixie Kong tattoo they’ll proudly show you.

Maine: The Lawnmower Man (1993)

Isn’t it weird that this Super Nintendo adaptation of a movie based on a short story is the closest thing to a Stephen King video game there’s been? It wins Maine by default, but since I have your attention, what if someone made a Shining game where’s it’s a simulation of each day over the course of the winter and more horrible things keep happening? Oh, or a Long Walk online racing game!

Maryland: Duck Hunt (1984)

It’s been nearly 40 years and these weirdos simply refuse to play anything else.

Massachusetts: Assassin’s Creed III (2012)

Until they release an updated version that lets you walk up and down modern Lansdowne Street roughing up whoever annoys you, this recreation of Revolutionary War-era Boston is the one to beat.

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