You’re Not Hallucinating: ‘Chex Quest’ Was a Very Real Video Game

Posted on by Colleen Nerney

Everyone remembers their first. Whether it be your first live concert (the A-Teens), your first car (a dented Honda CR-V), or your first kiss (sorry Dillon), the inaugural “thing” tends to stick out in one’s mind. A lot of people my age have an enduring fondness for Pokemon, as it was very likely their first video game. Mine was Chex Quest — a first-person-shooter made for kids.

Well, kind of. It’s not as simple as a “shooter for kids,” though that is technically accurate in terms of the intended audience and style of gameplay. Chex Quest has a pseudo-mythical status for a lot of reasons. Despite its origins and concept, it managed to not only maintain an active fanbase since its debut, but become such a cult classic that it got a full remaster and multiple re-releases as recently as March 2022. 

My personal interpretation of “mythical” has to do with the fact that I spent most of my life convinced I made this game up, and that my memories of it were either completely fabricated or totally inaccurate. Yet, it is very real. And it came back into my life after two decades in the strangest of ways. 

—

Let me back up.

Chex Quest is a 1996 family-friendly, first-person-shooter PC game that was included, for free, in boxes of Chex cereal for a 6-week timeframe. It is also a straight-up Doom clone. Yes, that Doom, the game often cited with fueling the “violent video games” suburban panic of the ’90s. If this combination of competing ideas — corporate advertising targeted at kids mixed with the most notorious game of the decade — feels unhinged to you, it’s because it is. 

Why the hell did this get made?

Simply speaking, money. The entire goal of Chex Quest  was to “reinvigorate” the Chex brand, which is marketing speak for “sell more stuff.” The promotional agency tasked with this decided that putting 6 million copies of a free CD-ROM into cereal boxes would show consumers that the company was cool and hip with the youth, and therefore bolster sales. It actually worked, and ’90s kids everywhere got their hands on this cult-classic in the making. 

The game’s development was unsurprisingly weird. Since the budget was low (half a million) and the turnaround was tight (half a year), the team opted to seek out an existing game engine, pay pretty much nothing to license it, and tweak it for their purposes. Fucking insanely, they chose Id Software’s Doom, the revolutionary and controversial first-person-shooter that was most well-known for its graphic violence and Satanic imagery, and would later be stained by its association with the Columbine shooting. 

Chex Quest is a re-skin of Doom with new music and textures; the gameplay and levels are identical. Guns were replaced with remote-looking things, blood with slime, and bullets with vegetables. To put it into perspective, this would be like taking Resident Evil 7 and turning Ethan Winters into a Kinder Egg who kills the Molded with chocolate. 

The modding of the engine was done by a literal 17-year-old programmer in the evenings (you know, after he was done with school). The full 6 million release copies were burned from a single demo disc–before it was even bug-tested. It all sounds like some schoolyard rumor that was warped by a game of telephone, but it’s real.

—

I was first introduced to Chex Quest when I was in kindergarten. The boys responsible for showing it to me were Brad and Jason, the sons of my parents’ closest friends. Brad and Jason were 3 and 5 years older than me, but they never made me feel like a tag-along or an annoyance–I was like a little sister who came to visit a few times a year.

The two of them would take turns playing Chex Quest on their family PC while I sat either next to or on top of them like a horrible monkey child and watched. It was the first real video game I had ever seen, save for a few “educational” point-and-clicks and dress-up games. I was mesmerized. It was like entering one of the Windows 95 pipe screensavers — totally 3D, but you were in control. 

Most importantly, you, a giant piece of Chex cereal, could fight aliens. Sick.

I’m sure we only played it a handful of times. We all grew up. I became convinced that I must have imagined Chex Quest — it was way too weird to actually exist. I didn’t think about it much at all after childhood.

That is, until the autumn of 2017, when Jason was killed by a drunk driver. His death was devastating and I felt deeply alone in the aftermath, as I had no mutual friends with whom to remember him. Only my family and his.

A few months after Jason’s passing, his mother asked for friends to share fond memories of him. I had plenty: trips to the lake, bad sumo-wrestling home videos that in hindsight were probably super racist. I agonized over what to tell her, what story would be so perfect that it would alleviate her grief. 

Suddenly, I knew — I had to find out what that fucking cereal game was, if it was even real.

It took only moments of Googling to discover that holy shit, not only was this game legit, but it had a serious following. I called Jason’s mother and managed to explain, through laughter and tears, that Jason showed me my first video game ever, uh, where you’re a piece of cereal killing aliens with vegetables? She was bemused and a little perplexed. But I could tell she was smiling.

—

I am well aware of how nostalgia goggles work, especially on my generation, but some part of me is truly thankful for this whack-ass little game and the spot it holds in my heart. It’s a perfect reflection of how the innocuous things – the ones you don’t expect to have any lasting meaning — are often the things that stick with you. A backwards marketing ploy that became a legend among kids that became a core memory of a lost friend. 

I genuinely do not know who thought it was appropriate to take perhaps the most graphic game of the era and redo it for children, or how the fuck they wound up succeeding. But at the end of the day, part of that utter strangeness is what makes Chex Quest so fascinating — it shouldn’t exist. And I can’t imagine life without it.

Man Arrested After Posting Meme He Actually Finds Funny in Company’s Slack Channel

Posted on by Andy Holt

ATLANTA — Graphic designer Zane Dowd was taken into custody this morning after accidentally posting a meme he actually thought was funny in his workplace Slack.

“At approximately 10:17 a.m., we arrived on the scene at Whizz Marketing, where an individual had posted a message in the #superchillhangout channel on the Slack. This channel is where employees are encouraged to post impact font memes, decade-old YouTube videos, and reaction GIFs that don’t make any sense in context. But that’s not enough for some sickos,” said Sergeant Daniel Garcia of the Atlanta Police Department. “This individual decided to push the limit, and now he’s going to be in prison for a long time. I just hope others learn their lesson.”

While the police have yet to release the meme in question, traumatized witnesses were able to describe it in great detail, many of them breaking down in tears from the trauma.

“The photo was of Mr. Mime, the Pokémon. Mr. Mime was making a funny face. That part was fine. It’s the text above the image that’s hard to talk about… I’m sorry, give me a moment,” said CRM analyst Michaelle Blanton, pausing to collect herself. “The text was above the image. It was in white. It was on a black background. It began with ‘grimer is mr mimes cum.’ I didn’t read any further than that. I picked up the phone and dialed 911 right away.”

After announcing a Guilty plea, Dowd’s lawyer argued that her client deserved less than the maximum sentence, due to the post being a complete accident.

“If Mr. Dowd had sent this meme on purpose, I would support locking him up for the rest of his life. But if you look at the message in question, there is clear evidence that Mr. Dowd did not mean to send a meme this dank,” said attorney Diana Wharf, holding a press conference on the front steps of the courthouse. “For starters, the comment he sent along with the meme was, ‘LOL I feel attacked! 🤣🤣🤣.’ Why would Mr. Dowd feel attacked by Grimer being Mr. Mime’s semen? The answer is that he wouldn’t. He would not feel attacked. No, Mr. Dowd meant to send something wack, probably about drinking too much coffee or whatever.”

Mr. Dowd could not be reached for comment, as he was literally too embarrassed to speak.

UPDATE: After the initial hearing, the police shared the full meme with the public, including a shocking second line that caused even further public outcry.

10 Games You Absolutely NEED to Check Out This Evening If You Haven’t Already

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

Hey gamers, is it just us or are there more and more ‘must-play’ video games coming out every year? As if that wasn’t making it hard to keep up, there are also now more platforms than ever. It is completely understandable that many gems would slip through the cracks of any gamers. Understandable as that may be, it is also unforgivable. As such, here are the 10 games you NEED to check out TODAY! Cancel your plans. You’re checking these games out tonight. 

Elden Ring – This is the game of the year, if not decade. You have a LOT going on tonight, so I don’t think you should dive in too deep, but maybe make a character and poke around and get a feel for just what a special game this is. Make sure to stay on task, though, we’re just getting started. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder’s Revenge – This love letter to TMNT and coin-op games of the past feels just like the classic Turtles beat-’em-ups a lot of us grew up playing. It’s on Game Pass, so at least you won’t have to buy all 10 of these games, you know what I’m saying? You WILL need to play it tonight, however.

Rocket League – If you haven’t checked Rocket League out in a while, now is the perfect time as the game’s seventh season since becoming free-to-play has just begun! Play a game or two and move on. This is mostly here to help us make some better time, if I’m being honest. 

Forza Horizon 5 – One of the best racing games in years is also one of the best titles to showcase everything an Xbox Series X can do. Absolutely gorgeous. I was skeptical that Forza Horizon 4 could be topped, but part five’s Mexican setting more than outdoes it’s predecessor. You did play Forza Horizon 4, right? 

Forza Horizon 4 – If you missed it, this one’s worth checking back in on. It’s just from 2018, so it’s hardly outdated or anything. Actually, I think they optimized this one for Series X as well, so rock and roll.  

Capcom Fighting Collection – Okay so technically this one has 10 games on it, but really you just need to find some time to check out Darkstalkers, Red Earth, Vampire Hunter 2, and Cyberbots. 

Fall Guys – Hey, this one’s free now! And you can get through a game really quickly, especially if you lose in the first round. Let’s keep it moving here, because you still have a bunch of games to get through tonight and they won’t count if you take a break. Onto number 8!!

Neon White – People are saying this one is really fun. It looks really fun! I haven’t played a video game in months though, so I don’t really know. But hey, let’s throw it on the list. Now you have to buy it. 

Slay the Spire – This is just the best game that’s come out in years. This needs to be on your Switch, computer, and phone. (But it still only counts as one on the list, sorry.)

Stardew Valley – After playing 9 different games in a single evening, there’s simply no better way to unwind than spending some time on the farm. Don’t stay up too late though, you have another big day of gaming ahead of you tomorrow!

Disney Announces Star Wars Series About Jar Jar Trying to Pass Childcare Bill in the Senate

Posted on by Jeremy Kaplowitz

LOS ANGELES — Disney announced that a new streaming series set in the Star Wars universe will follow Senator Jar Jar Binks trying to pass a childcare care bill and will release in 2024 on Disney+.

“We hear the praise from fans who watched Boba Fett and Obi-Wan Kenobi — you want to learn more about the daily lives of Star Wars characters. Well Senator Binks is going to blow your mind,” said Lucasfilm president Kathleen Kennedy at a fan expo. “Set between the events of Attack of the Clones and Revenge of the Sith, Senator Binks explores the inner workings of the Galactic Senate and follows everyone’s favorite Gungan as he navigates backroom deals to pass a bill to increase funding for low and moderate income families. Back to his old antics, Jar Jar will be slipping and sliding all over the place in this new series, but this time, he’ll be doing so politically rather than physically.”

Kennedy was asked if the series will feature other fan-favorite Star Wars characters from previous movies and shows.

“No, the show is going to feature exclusively weird-looking aliens and freaks who Jar Jar has to convince to vote for his childcare bill by agreeing to support whatever weird stuff they’re trying to get passed. And these are Star Wars laws, so they can get totally wacky,” Kennedy explained. “One episode, Jar Jar has to decide whether or not to support a bill that deregulates the blue milk industry in order to win over a group of Senators being lobbied by billionaire Bantha owners. Jar Jar is being primaried by a Naboolian back home trying to flank him from the left, so he needs some progressive bona fides like the childcare bill, but he also needs to avoid giving his opponent too much firepower by voting for the conservative blue milk bill.”

“We’ll make sure Palpatine shows up in the background once or twice, though, so that people feel like they have to watch it,” she added.

Star Wars fans were quick to discuss the announcement, causing “Jar Jar” to trend across social media.

“holy shit new star wars?????” said Twitter user @menacing_phantom_92. “i cant fucking wait to complain about this”

“Finally a chance for Disney to correct the wrongs of the Prequel Series and confirm, once and for all, the Darth Jar Jar theory that we all know to be essentially canon,” said Redditor u/MioCalamar. “If they don’t do this in the show, I will be severely disappointed. I’m 99% certain they will, however.”

“J A R J A R” said a comment below, by u/CASHYYYYYYYYK, which gained 50,000 upvotes by the time of this article’s publishing.

At press time, Kennedy confirmed that Lucasfilm will be utilizing AI technology to recreate Jar Jar actor’s Ahmed Best’s voice for the series, after the actor was asked to reprise the role and responded by saying, “go fuck yourself.”

It’s Time for a AAA Major League Eating Video Game So I Can Snarf Down 100 Hot Dogs as Joey Chestnut in 4K 120HZ

Posted on by Kevin Flynn

It’s the Fourth of July, which means it’s an algorithmically advantageous time to talk about things that only happen on the Fourth of July. Whether you’re celebrating the birth of the United States in 1776, or the original XBLA release of Spelunky in 2012, the spirit of tradition on this day is something that everyone observes in their own unique way.

…Which is why it’s an absolute travesty that, in 2022, there is still not a single licensed triple-A Major League Eating game where I can play as Joey Chestnut at the Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest in a ray-traced simulation of Coney Island and watch him hork down 100 perfect CGI hot dogs in a row on my 4K 120HZ OLED TV.

How am I expected to feel patriotic in a world where this kind of inequity is still happening? It feels like something that other countries with food-and video-game-addicted populaces could have solved decades ago. If there were an annual hot dog eating contest in Japan to celebrate the majesty of the Edo period, we would currently be buried under a mountain of Japan-only eating contest simulators stretching as far back as the Famicom. (And, Nintendo would still be in the process of translating these games for Nintendo Switch Online at the rapid pace of one game per fiscal quarter.)

It’s not too hard to close your eyes and imagine a PS5 jewel case on the shelf at Best Buy showing a glossed-up photo of Joey Chestnut mid-chomp over a huge shining vector logo of MLE ’22. I didn’t mention that earlier, but I am of course imagining this as an annual Madden-style franchise. (If we’re going to spend millions of dollars doing motion-capture of random people speed-eating peach cobbler, we might as well plan to reuse them, right? Plus, there are new rookies to be motion-captured every season, just like any other major league sport!)

When someone finally does listen to my advice to build this revolutionary game, of course we’ll want to get proper license from MLE to use the likenesses of their players, venues, and approved foods, but beyond that we also need to examine the need for the most important aspect of any sports game: the custom character creator.

What good is any of this if I can’t spend my Fourth of July customizing a tall, gangly blue dude with cat eyes and a face tattoo to become a Major League Eating champion in a unique campaign storyline of his own? I want to be dropped into suburban Chicago as a local taco-eating champ and then rise all the way to the top!

Ideally, I think you should even be able to customize your characters’ teeth and tongue and then see simulations of their chomps-per-second like when you customize your engine in Gran Turismo. I think that’s how you break the competitive scene of this game wide open, and then boom, next stop is Evo. Bottom line, if you’re a video game developer who is reading this, you should close the browser and immediately start developing MLE ’22: Chew the Streets as your next game. (Just one idea for a subtitle, we can workshop other possible ideas closer to release.)

Of course, if there are no takers from the publishing giants of the world reading this, then I’ll just have to put together a team to build this game as a grassroots indie sensation myself. It wouldn’t be the first time revolutionaries with an unpopular idea banded together on the Fourth of July to change the world…

Mom Appreciates Phone Call Even If It’s Just to Save Your Progress

Posted on by Jon Ruggiero

FERNDALE, Mich. — Stating that she worries about you all of the time and wishes you well on your travels, your mother confirmed that she is always really excited to receive a phone call from you, even when it’s only to quickly save your progress in an adventure.

“As a mom it’s my job to worry about my kids. It’s always nice to get a call every once in a while to hear how things are going,” said your mother, who initially had reservations about not being too nosy in her child’s adventure to save the doomed fate of the entire planet. “Sometimes we spend a little extra time at the end of the phone call managing inventory, and that’s my favorite kind of quality time. I love talking about all of the boxes of knick knacks that are still boxed up in the garage, and if there’s ever an important potion or key that I need to go dig up, that’s a whole exciting afternoon right there!”

Though she understands the needs of her adventurer child, your mother still gets upset over a lack of consistent communication.

“Of course, I’m still a bit upset that I almost didn’t get a call for Mother’s Day,” she continued. “Sure, I get that there was a massive orc boss rampaging in the nearby village, but I waited by the phone all day for nothing! And yes, it was a huge relief to finally hear my child’s voice after they’d killed the orc, but deep down, I knew they just needed to save their game. I guess it’s just a bittersweet thing to be a parent.”

At press time, your mom returned to her phone, which was continuing to ring off the hook with phone calls from other people wanting to save their progress.

Biden Asks Americans to Get Some Fs Going in the Chat for Abortion Rights

Posted on by Will Carnevale

WASHINGTON — President Joe Biden asked Americans to “get some Fs going in the chat” while fielded questions about bodily autonomy in the wake of the Supreme Court’s controversial ruling in Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization at a press conference today.

“Aw man, dog, this shit’s gettin bad. Let’s get some Fs goin in the chat, OK? Drop some Fs in the chat for abortion rights because we gotta find someone who can solve this thing,” Biden said, “There’s just too many roadblocks. But my grandkids play a game called Roadblocks, and they taught me something. When you’re sad, when you’ve lost something, you press F. That’s what you do. And across America, across the world, what we need right now is to get some Fs in the chat, man.”

Upon Biden’s mention of the proverbial chat, MSNBC immediately activated the normally disabled chat function in its YouTube livestream.

“We’re not really sure what the President meant by his comments, but it is our sworn duty as journalists to obey,” said MSNBC contributor Jared Bonner. “If Mr. Biden wants to get some Fs in the chat, then that’s what we’ll get him. Because everybody, including every Democrat, is just doing the best they can. That’s all we can do. So I say F — whatever that means. If only there was more to be done, but there isn’t.”

Shortly after the press conference, Roblox, presumed to be the game Biden had referenced in his “Roadblocks” remarks, released a statement that led to the game’s accounts being temporarily banned from multiple social media platforms for inciting violence.

“Abortion is healthcare, and health is a human right. This revanchist ruling by corrupt, illegitimate, unelected, and ideologically motivated judges installed by and in service of monsters should be treated as nothing more than the final piece of evidence we need that the Supreme Court of the United States should be dissolved,” said the children’s game in a statement. “Rise up, Robloxians, and bathe the streets in the blood of your oppressors. Longing, rusted, furnace, daybreak, seventeen, benign, nine, homecoming, one, freight car. The addresses you’ll need are below. Go, my children! You are activated!”

As of press time, high-profile Democrats nationwide have added Fs to their Twitter display names in solidarity with those affected by the SCOTUS decision, resulting in solemn messages from F Barack Obama, F Nancy Pelosi, F Joe Manchin, F Kyrsten Sinema, F Bill Clinton, F Hillary Clinton, F Tom Perez, and F The Democrats.

Explosions? Loud Music? Overthrowing a Blood-Sucking Government? ‘Vampire Survivors’ Is the Ultimate July 4th Game

Posted on by Zachery Eubanks

With the 4th of July fast approaching, you might be looking for the perfect ‘Murrica game to play during your long weekend. But what game could embody the true spirit of the United States? What could keep me interested at 3 a.m. while I’m buzzed off cheap beer and full of cheaper hotdogs? 

There’s a perfect answer this year: Vampire Survivors.

The hit indie game is a sort of mini Musou where you slay thousands of monsters using magic attacks. You don’t actually directly attack enemies though; instead, spells just kind of bust out of you as you walk around. It’s something like a reverse bullet hell game where you’re the boss spitting waves of projectiles at your enemies.

Personally, when I think of July 4th, the first thing that comes to mind are explosions — loud, elaborate fireworks displays that have become synonymous with the holiday. Oh, that and wiping out a blood sucking monarchy. 

Vampire Survivors creates a parallel here, letting you explode, maim, and otherwise evaporate as many of the enemy forces as possible, all the while slamming your eardrums with the pure bliss of a thumping soundtrack one can only describe as Dracula-core. 

“What about cool guns?” you ask. Believe me, Uncle Sam would be proud of the shit you can shoot in this game. I’m talking birds orbiting you while spewing more missiles than a M270 Multiple Launch Rocket System deployed in an oil-bearing country. Is there anything more American than flying murderous bibles? What about the fact that you can wield up to six weapons at once? Hand this game to any trucker at a Louisiana rest stop and their heart will swell with pride. 

As an American, I’m not really partial to reading, either. Sometimes I just want to relax and not have to worry about story beats or whatever “renegade” or “paragon” mean. Vampire Survivors has me covered here, as well, sporting exactly one paragraph of lore from the original itch.io page and that’s it. The only thing you need to worry about here is the fact that there’s some evil fucker who has taken over your country and you must fight for your independence (just do me a favor and try not to completely fuck things up once you gain your freedom, okay?).

Now please remove your hat and rise for the best part: this game is only $2.99. That’s right, you can purchase this video game and a Big Mac combo meal for less than $10. The game is currently in early access too, which means that like the Constitution, it’s always getting amendments. It feels like every time I go back to this game, there’s always an update or two — a new level, new secrets, new characters to play and new bangers to listen to. 

This game is poetry, and not that vague poetry about crossing bridges and seeing sunflowers. This kind of poetry is written with gunpowder, loud music, and enough dopamine rushes to make casinos jealous. It’s July 4 in a nutshell, making it the perfect game for players who want to celebrate America this weekend without having to go outside and talk to someone.

Wait … its developer Poncle is based in the UK? Well shit, take us back.

Chinese Government Edits ‘Thor: Love and Thunder’ to Cut Thor’s 20-Minute Speech About China Being an Impotent Military Force

Posted on by Camden Brazile

BEIJING — The Chinese government released a statement today claiming that they had to make their own edits of Marvel’s latest blockbuster ‘Thor: Love and Thunder’ to censor Thor’s long, articulate speech about how the United States shouldn’t fear China’s impotent military force.

“China is a feeble country that cannot support its people,” Thor tells Korg during an unrelated battle scene. “They are a weak-willed, sluggish people that the United States can easily trounce in combat. The only reason the U.S. allows them to live is out of pity and sorrow. China is a worthless, flaccid military regime that has poor and pathetic rulers asleep at the wheel. Communism does not work. Let’s go fight some more space pirates.”

Director Taika Waititi elaborated on the speech’s inclusion in the first place. 

“Marvel usually asks us to shoehorn in something for Chinese audiences,” Waititi said. “I thought it would be a fun wink to Chinese Thor fans if the Asgardian warrior stopped dead in his tracks, faced the camera, and broke down how China poses no threat to the United Nations and that their military is an empty threat that could easily be quashed. It’s Easter eggs like that that get the audience really feeling seen by your film.”

President of Marvel Studios Kevin Feige expressed his confusion as to why China edited the movie.

“I’ll never understand why China makes seemingly nonsensical edits,” Feige said. “It’s just a fantasy movie about vikings, super heroes, and how China’s current missile silos couldn’t reach the West if they tried. I’ll never know why they take it so seriously, but whatever.”

At press time, Marvel confirmed that China would also be editing out a humorous post-credits scene where Thor flies to Xi Jinping’s private residence and puts him in a chokehold on live television.

Opinion: Can You Guys Stop Comparing the SCOTUS Decision to The Handmaid’s Tale? I Still Havent Seen It

Posted on by Matt Dooman

I have been seeing a lot of posts about how awful the Supreme Court decision to undo Roe v. Wade is and I cannot agree more. I am all for abortions and I think it’s absurd that these old white men can police women’s bodies. Now with all that said, I have been seeing this decision often compared to the critically acclaimed television show The Handmaid’s Tale, and while the SCOTUS decision is bad, I also firmly believe that we shouldn’t use the opportunity to spoil the show for people like me who haven’t seen it.

Let’s get our priorities straight here and build a movement of solidarity. There are, I’m sure, thousands of us across the United States who support a woman’s right to choose and also do not want to be spoiled for a show that looks really interesting. How can we say that we believe in bodily autonomy for abortions but not the bodily autonomy to watch The Handmaid’s Tale on our own time?

And before you say it, yes I’m aware that the book has been around since the 1980s and the show has been around since 2017, but I have been busy alright? Busy fighting for the rights of women everywhere? Well, no, but that’s not really the point. And I have been supporting women more, lately, by talking to them more when I see one, but they don’t seem to want to talk back to me. Not really my fault.

Can’t you just compare the collapse of Roe v. Wade to a show I’ve already seen, like Stranger Things? You could make an argument that we are in the Upside Down world or that D’Artagnan looks like an aborted fetus. I don’t know, I’m not a writer; that’s for you to figure out. I’m just saying that maybe we shouldn’t shut people out of this movement because they haven’t seen one show (other than Stranger Things). In this guys opinion, if you want people to regain hope, make the solution to this SCOTUS decision DND style.

Honestly, I think this is just another issue for SCOTUS to tackle. If the Supreme Court is going to dismantle women’s rights, destroy the power of the EPA, and give states the ability to ignore the results of federal elections, the least they can do is also enforce a ban on spoilers on the internet. They even name the case after my username. Snapkillsdumbledor92 v. Internet Spoilers has a pretty nice ring to it, actually. I would love for this to be what I am known for.