Ending the Console Wars By Definitively Ranking Every Major Video Game Console

Gamers have long argued over which console is the best. Lovingly referred to as “console wars,” these arguments are some of the most divisive of any in the space, and for good reason. How can anyone truly determine which console is the “best” when nobody can agree what it is that makes a console good? It makes sense that the conflict still wages today.

Until now. We at Hard Drive have decided to determine what truly is the best console, so nobody has to fight about it anymore. This list marks the end of the console wars.

#30 — Nintendo Virtual Boy

Release Date: July 21, 1995

Best Exclusive: 3D Tetris

The Virtual Boy is easily the worst console on this list. The monochrome display looks awful, the controller is an ergonomic nightmare, you have to lean way over to actually see into it causing awful headaches and neck pain, and there were hardly any games for the thing.

There were only 22 Virtual Boy games released, with only 14 of them releasing in North America. These games include a reimagining of the original Mario Bros. that is made no better by the inclusion of stereoscopic 3D, a Mario Tennis game that is made no better by the inclusion of stereoscopic 3D, and 3D Tetris, which is actually pretty cool. It does not need to be on this awful system, though, so that’s no points towards the Virtual Boy.

#29 — Xbox Series S

Release Date: November 10, 2020

Best Exclusive: Hi-Fi Rush

Listen. Something had to be at the bottom of the list. It’s very difficult to rank the Xbox Series S due to its somewhat unique position, but I’ve come to the conclusion that it simply shouldn’t exist. There is no malice in this decision, and I understand that it’s intended as a budget alternative to the Series X, which was released on the same day, but the negatives far outweigh the positives here.

The all digital nature of the console combined with the increasingly aggressive push of Xbox Game Pass is concerning when you consider the nature of digital ownership, so I can’t recommend the console to anyone. Microsoft’s insistence of feature parity between the Series S and Series X console means this console is making current-gen games worse for those who bought the more powerful console. The controller is nice, but that’s not unique to the Series S.

#28 — Sega Saturn

Release Date: November 22, 1994

Best Exclusive: Panzer Dragoon

The Sega Saturn was a commercial failure. Compared to its peers from Nintendo and Sony, it lacked high profile releases from franchises that fans loved. It was launched as a surprise in North America leading to poor initial sales and was never able to recover.

That said, Panzer Dragoon slaps. I love that game. There’s nothing else like it. Star Fox does not even come close to the greatness of this series. I will die on that hill.

#27 — Sega Dreamcast

Release Date: November 27, 1998

Best Exclusive: Soulcalibur

The Dreamcast is an amazing looking console. The color palette is fantastic, and the circular motif on the controller mimicking the CD tray on the console itself is genius. Unfortunately, it is also the console that killed Sega as a first party developer. It was unable to compete with the PS2, despite having some fantastic games.

Full disclosure: I have played several Sonic games, and hated every one of them. I know that you all love Sonic Adventure. I know it’s a good game, and I know by saying this all of the Sonic fans have written off this entire list as invalid. Soulcalibur, on the other hand? That game is my jam.

#26 — PlayStation Vita

Release Date: December 17, 2011

Best Exclusive: Persona 4 Golden

The PlayStation Vita was seemingly forgotten by Sony only a couple of years after its release, but it could have been great. The successor to the PlayStation Portable, the Vita boasted dazzling new features like “thumbsticks that don’t hurt to use” and “not using a disc drive in a handheld.”

None of that matters, though, because the lineup of games is subpar. There are some great JRPGs and lots of indies, but major first- and third-party support ended pretty quickly after launch, resulting in a somewhat disappointing library.

#25 — Nintendo Entertainment System

Release Date: October 18, 1985

Best Exclusive: Super Mario Bros. 3

Deciding where to rank the NES is not an easy task. On one hand, it helped the video game industry climb back after the crash and its legacy is still felt today. On the other hand, the controller hurts my hands and many of the games are mediocre at best.

There are certainly some gems. Super Mario Bros. 3 has aged wonderfully, and adventure games like Metroid weren’t really possible on older home consoles.

#24 — Nintendo Game Boy

Release Date: April 21, 1989

Best Exclusive: The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening

I hope you like green, because the Game Boy has four shades of it. While technically portable it’s actually rather large and you don’t see many people nowadays pulling a Game Boy out of their pocket to play Tetris on the go. It’s also a bit of a battery sink.

The buttons are meaty and satisfying to press, but the rest of the physical design of the handheld is lacking. The screen lacks a backlight, and relatively low processing power means many games are rather simple. Link’s Awakening is a standout, however.

#23 — Sega Mega Drive

Release Date: October 29, 1988

Best Exclusive: Sonic 3D Blast

With the release of the Mega Drive, Sega decided to do the unthinkable and make a controller with three face buttons, which I think is stupid. What is it even for? If only this controller had six buttons instead, then it would be perfect for fighting games. I guess there are some good games on the system? I spend more time thinking about the controller, to be honest.

#22 — Sega Genesis

Release Date:August 14, 1989

Best Exclusive: Golden Axe

Now this is a console. Unlike the Mega Drive, which has three face buttons on its controller, the Genesis has six, which makes it at least twice as good. The aesthetic of the console itself is so much better too. The iconic Genesis logo and monochrome design make this a great looking system. I think there are some Sonic games on it, too?

I had to google which Sonic game was on this thing, and in doing so learned that there are a lot more Sonic games than I thought there were. What do people see in this franchise? The stupid hedgehog never goes where I want him to. It’s just too fast.

#21 — Sega Master System

Release Date: October 20, 1985

Best Exclusive: Phantasy Star

Phantasy Star is, to my knowledge, the only Master System game that I have ever played or even heard of, but it absolutely rocks so the Master System gets automatic points. The 3D dungeons were novel for the time, and the enemy design is so expressive and – Huh? This is supposed to be about the Master System? It’s fine, I guess.

#20 — Playstation Portable

Release Date: December 12, 2004

Best Exclusive: God of War: Ghost of Sparta

The PSP has a lot going against it. The controls are heavily downgraded from that of the PS2, severely limiting the potential for games on the system. It uses optical discs for games, for some reason, which is a huge pain for if you want to swap to a different game on the go. That said, it’s impressive how powerful the hardware was for the time.

Many games on the system are fantastic. Both PSP exclusive God of War games are awesome, with Ghost of Sparta being almost necessary for Kratos’ story, and Crisis Core: Final Fantasy VII is a fun action game. It’s a marvel how those run on a handheld from 2004.

#19 — Xbox Series X

Release Date: November 10, 2020

Best Exclusive: Hi-Fi Rush

The Xbox Series X is just a much better version of the Series S, this time with a disc drive. It has generally powerful hardware and a great controller, but there still aren’t that many exclusives that are good enough to warrant purchasing a whole new console.

#18 — Nintendo Wii U

Release Date: November 18, 2012

Best Exclusive: Splatoon

The Wii U was ahead of its time. Recent years have brought handheld cloud devices designed to connect to your computer or console to be able to play your favorite games without hogging the television, but Nintendo did it first and better. It’s not perfect, and it’s clear that Nintendo iterated on the concept with their next console, but the Gamepad is not nearly as bad of an idea as most people said it was back in 2012.

The Wii U didn’t get too many games due to its short lifespan and poor third-party support, but what games it did get are mostly pretty good. Splatoon is an incredibly fun and creative third person shooter, and Super Mario 3D World was always a good Mario game, despite what the haters say.

#17 — Nintendo Game Boy Color

Release Date: October 21, 1996

Best Exclusive: The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening DX

The Game Boy Color is a smaller Game Boy with a color screen and a lot of very good exclusive games. Link’s Awakening DX is one of the best, despite just being an updated version of the Game Boy original.

#16 — Playstation 3

Release Date: November 11, 2006

Best Exclusive: God of War 3

The PS3 had a rough launch. It initially retailed at $499, which was a steep price at the time. Sony got a little arrogant after the massive success of the PS2, and decided to try and make an all-in-one home media machine. Unfortunately, the unconventional architecture of the system led to poor third party support, and the high price meant poor initial sales.

The first party exclusives are why people bought a PS3, though. Games like God of War 3 or The Last of Us were experiences only available on PlayStation, and were enough to make up for the shortcomings of the console itself and cause the PS3 to eventually pull ahead of its competition in sales.

#15 — Xbox One

Release Date: November 22, 2013

Best Exclusive: Sea of Thieves

The Xbox One also had an unfortunate launch. Microsoft went all in on restricting resale of physical games, and even though they backpedaled on the decision, the console was never able to catch up with the PS4 after that.

Games like Sea of Thieves and Quantum Break are fun, but play better on PC and weren’t quite worth buying a whole console for.

#14 — Nintendo Game Boy Advance

Release Date: March 21, 2001

Best Exclusive: Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga

The original GBA had its flaws, including being somewhat uncomfortable to hold and still not having a lit screen. The revision, the Game Boy Advance SP, is fantastic. The new clamshell design was far more comfortable in the hand and clearly made way for the design of the DS, and the screen finally had a light so you could actually see what you were playing.

I never owned a Game Boy Advance, but I did play Super Mario Advance with a friend on his GBA on the bus home from school every day. Turns out that some of the best GBA games are just SNES games, on the go.

#13 — Super Nintendo Entertainment System

Release Date: November 21, 1990

Best Exclusive: Chrono Trigger

The Super Nintendo controller was so good that almost all controllers today draw influence from it. The console itself is iconic, and Nintendo’s first-party lineup was stellar.

But the real reason I love the Super Nintendo is because it’s the console that gave us Chrono Trigger, the best turn-based RPG ever made. The SNES is perfect for this kind of game: It’s capable of rendering gorgeous sprite art and supports games long enough that they can feel meaty without overstaying their welcome.

#12 — PlayStation

Release Date: December 3, 1994

Best Exclusive: Resident Evil 2

The Playstation is an early 3D system with an extensive game library that you’re sure to like at least part of. The controller is essentially an SNES controller but far, far more comfortable.

RPGs like Final Fantasy VII and survival horror games like Resident Evil came to define the system, which was marketed as the “adult” console for anyone too mature and cool for a Nintendo system.

#11 — Nintendo DS

Release Date: November 21, 2004

Best Exclusive: Super Mario 64 DS

The original model of the DS was pretty chunky and somewhat heavy, but the DS Lite fixed pretty much every issue with the build of the handheld. The controls are essentially that of the Super Nintendo, just on the go. The bottom screen is a touchscreen, adding more possibilities for games that wouldn’t work on a home console.

The DS was revolutionary for being a handheld that was able to render full 3D games. Games like Super Mario 64 DS run surprisingly well, though the low resolution of the screen can make it a bit hard to make out details at times.

#10 — Xbox 360

Release Date: November 22, 2005

Best Exclusive: Gears of War

The Xbox 360 is probably the better of the two main consoles of its generation, despite selling fewer units than the PS3. The low price point compared to its competitor led many to make the switch to Xbox. The controller is almost perfect, except for the lack of rechargeable battery.

Many units were known to die for little apparent reason, known as the “red ring of death.” It’s a testament to the staying power of the system that it’s well liked despite that.

#9 — Nintendo 64

Release Date: June 23, 1996

Best Exclusive: Glover

The Nintendo 64 made a bold decision to still be cartridge-based in an era of CDs, a decision that ended up hurting Nintendo, but not the weirdest part of that console. That would be the controller. What the hell was Nintendo thinking with this thing? Sure, you’re supposed to use either the center prong or the left one, but why make it that way at all? You can never easily reach every button on the controller at once, severely limiting the possibilities for what games could do with all of the controls.

Speaking of games, the Nintendo 64 was, for a brief period in time, the only place you could play Glover, which pushes it way up the list. Glover is, without a doubt, the best 3D platformer on the system, and maybe even the best 3D platformer ever made, so Nintendo is lucky that they were blessed with such a fantastic game.

#8 — PlayStation 5

Release Date: November 12, 2020

Best Exclusive: God of War Ragnarok

The PS5 has the best controller of any current-gen console, and actually looks pretty cool once you clear a space large enough for it. It was hurt by production issues surrounding the launch, causing low stock for several years.

The other main issue with the console is a relatively small library, but that’s slowly becoming less of a problem. Games like God of War Ragnarok really show off the power of the system and the speed of the SSD.

#7 — Nintendo 3DS

Release Date: February 26, 2011

Best Exclusive: StreetPass

The 3DS is a better version of the DS, with more powerful hardware, a “glasses free 3D” screen, and a circle pad that wishes it was a real thumbstick. The 3D is a neat gimmick that generally doesn’t add too much to games, but the circle pad is rather helpful for 3D games.

The best thing about the 3DS isn’t even the games, though. It’s StreetPass. This is such a genius feature. It made me want to bring my 3DS with me even if I didn’t think I’d have time to use it, because you never knew when you’d get a StreetPass hit. It’s a shame the Switch didn’t have a similar feature, because I would bring it out with me a lot more if it did.

#6 — Nintendo GameCube

Release Date: September 14, 2001

Best Exclusive: Resident Evil 4

Nintendo released a tech demo for what GameCube games could look like by making a gritty, realistic looking Zelda demo. Gamers were pissed when they saw what the GameCube Zelda actually looked like, but it turned out to be one of the best Zelda games so they couldn’t stay mad for long.

The GameCube is, famously, the only platform where you can play Resident Evil 4. It says it on the game’s box, so it must be true.

#5 — Xbox

Release Date: November 15, 2001

Best Exclusive: Halo: Combat Evolved

The original Xbox brought us Halo, which revolutionized the first person shooter genre and still influences games made today. The controller is also insane, and I love it. It’s the perfect console to be made in America: it’s stupidly large for no apparent reason, and has a lovably stupid design with a giant “X” across the top of the system.

#4 — PlayStation 4

Release Date: November 15, 2013

Best Exclusive: God of War

The PS4 was the clear winner of the eighth console generation, becoming one of the highest selling consoles ever, and for good reason. The PS4 has a great controller, a sleek design, and tons of fantastic exclusives.

#3 — Nintendo Wii

Release Date: November 19, 2006

Best Exclusive: Super Mario Galaxy

The Wii is significant for turning so many people into gamers. Nintendo primarily marketed the Wii as a more casual, family friendly console compared to Playstation and Xbox, and the marketing worked. The motion controls were novel at the time, and easy for non-gamers to understand.

Games like Wii Sports contributed greatly to the success of the system. Everyone knows how baseball or bowling work, and the motion controls make it incredibly easy to pick up and play even if you’ve never played any games before. There are certainly more traditional games on the system, but they’re far rarer than the casual ones.

#2 — Nintendo Switch

Release Date: March 7, 2017

Best Exclusive: Super Mario Odyssey

The Nintendo Switch released between generations, because Nintendo does not care about generations at all. After the massive success of the Wii and massive failure of the Wii U, Nintendo needed to innovate in order to create another hit. The main innovation was combining their handheld and home console lineup into one hybrid system that can be played on the television or on the go.

The Switch also had a killer first year of games. Zelda, Splatoon, and Mario were the highlights, but the system had tons of different styles of games for everyone.

#1 — PlayStation 2

Release Date: March 4, 2000

Best Exclusive: God of War 2

The PS2 is, definitively, the best console of all time. It’s the highest selling console ever made, and for good reason. The controller is perfect, the system looks fantastic, and it was cheaper than buying a regular DVD player, but the main draw is the games.

Oh, the games. There were so many amazing games on this thing. Final Fantasy X. Silent HIll 2. Final Fantasy X-2. Metal Gear Solid 3. Final Fantasy XII. Shadow of the Colossus. It’s impossible to list them all. There’s no other system with such a density of fantastic games on it, and there likely won’t be for a long, long time.

In Conclusion

Turns out it’s rather difficult to rank consoles. Do we even know what makes a good console? Is it the amount of units it sells? Is it the games that are available on it? The games exclusive to it? It’s a good thing we made this list, because these are tough questions that likely never would have been answered otherwise.

And it’s actually none of those things. The best console is the one you enjoy playing the most, which is obviously the PlayStation 2, because no other console has that many God of War Games.

New Year’s Resolution: Finally Clear My Steam Backlog… Oh Wow, Sea of Thieves Is Half Off

ATLANTA – The page has turned on the calendar and my wife has made it her New Year’s resolution to clean the house. Me? I’m going to do some house cleaning of my own, as my New Year’s resolution is to finally clear my steam backlog…oh wow, Sea of Thieves is half off!

I haven’t played Sea of Thieves since my PC Game Pass free trial – it would be nice to get back into that after playing first-person shooters all the time. $19.99 is a hell of a deal, but I’ve had Bioshock 2 Remastered, Bioshock Infinite, and Batman: Arkham City GOTY Edition all sitting there in my Steam library, so I should prob…oh holy shit that Humble Bundle GOG RPG bundle is fire.

Twelve bucks for seven games and that includes Kingdom Come: Deliverance and Thronebreaker: The Witcher Tales? That’s hours upon hours of incredible gaming I can grab right now for nearly free.

No, no, I still need to plow through my Steam library. Never finished Sunset Overdrive and Sleeping Dogs and I really need to restart Stardew Valley now that I know the most efficient crop planting strategy.

You don’t want to do that Dan. The Fanatical Winter Mystery Bundle has 20 mystery keys for $13.49. We’re bound to find one worthwhile game in there.

NO! Shut up! I’ve had Tales from the Borderlands and The Walking Dead Seasons 1 and 2 since 2014 and I haven’t touched them yet! Let me get through what I already own before I spend more money!

Today’s free game in the Epic store is Ghostrunner, Dan.

Ha!I already got that in my April 2022 Humble Choice. I haven’t played that, either!

Outer Worlds on both Epic and Steam. Disco Elysium…my friend won’t shut up about it and I got that in my August Humble Choice. Prison Architect. Party Hard and Party Hard 2. I never finished Deathloop and that’s really good – don’t know why I stopped. Probably because I went back to Fortnite…still need to get to Level 70 in this season’s Battle Pass so I can get the buff Peter Griffin skin.

Dead Island. Control Ultimate Edition. Graveyard Keeper. Void Bastards…all just…sitting there. Waiting for me to return. Waiting for me to return from this spiral, this insanity.

Alan Wake 2 is discounted 20% right now and everyone says it’s ♬ phe-nom-e-nal! ♬

You’re the Devil! You’re MY American Nightmare! I couldn’t even finish Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus because my PC bogged down near the end when too many enemies were on the screen. I have a new PC now, but what salvation has that provided? Has it relieved me of this pain?

I can relieve your pain, Dan. GOG is offering South of the Circle for free. Green Man Gaming has Hogwarts Legacy for $25.50. Have you heard of the website IsThereAnyDeal? Our backlog will always be there for us. Time to find something new.

I WILL NOT SUCCUMB TO TEMPTATION! GET…OUT…OF…MY…HEAD! I PRAY TO MY LORD AND SAVIOR JES…Aw snap, The Finals is out of beta?

How to Avoid Admitting You Already Bailed on Your New Year’s Resolutions and Why It’s Offensive for Anyone to Ask for Updates This Soon Anyways

“What are your New Year’s Resolutions?”

We all face the question in early January, followed by check-ins from people trying to show off how impressive their own accomplishments are. (Either that or they genuinely care about you, in which case bravo, you win! Scroll to the bottom of the article for your prize!)

When you inevitably don’t keep up on your diet, spending cutbacks, or other life-changing commitments because you bit off more than you can chew, how are you supposed to respond? Here are some of the more creative ways that can help you ignore or avoid questions about your progress (and sanity).

Fill 125% of your schedule

Who knew that planning every block of your calendar by 15 minute intervals would leave you with so little time? Meals, errands, naps, conversations, snacks, restroom breaks, and all that’s not to mention booking time to update your calendar. Goodness, that’s a lot of overlap. Might as well organize things by color to make it easier to read. Different font styles would probably help too. And you definitely need to make a physical copy in case the digital one gets corrupted.

Don’t forget about scheduling the time to go to the store to buy a new calendar when you inevitably make a mistake and have to start over.

Adopt a new belief system

There’s nothing like fundamentally changing the basis of all your morality and guiding principles to freshen up your life. If that happens to coincide with restricting your ability to follow through with a previous resolution, so be it. This is a very serious decision that you should reevaluate every New year in a panicked state of mind. You can always forgive past mistakes by making new and exciting ones!

Become allergic to them

It’s truly surprising how many things humans can become allergic to. Did you know that some tick bites can give you an allergy to red meat? Now imagine if you will, an allergy to sweat. An allergy to prolonged concentration. An allergy to thinking! Who’s going to fact check you, a doctor? Don’t go near them, you might be allergic!

Fall apart

This is probably the easiest option of them all. Who can truly keep up with the world at this point? An overload of information, the pressure of war, famine, and disease. Are you doomscrolling? Stop using social media, it’s bad for you. But don’t miss out on relevant topics, you’ll only learn about them via social media.

The stress of balancing finances in a system that is (statistically) against your very existence; people expecting you to maintain social, familial, and work obligations all at the same time. All of that, and don’t forget to get 8 hours of sleep, 60 minutes of exercise, and to eat healthy, fresh, balanced meals every day.

Don’t do too much, you’ll burn out. Don’t do too little, you’ll feel guilty. Don’t exist outside of societal norms, you’ll be judged. Don’t be too normal, if you’re not unique and popular then you’re a failure. Do something impressive and creative with your life! But don’t do something that’s already been done, people will claim you’re lazy, unoriginal, or worse: not worth the effort.

Let’s face it: this one will probably happen eventually anyway. It’s okay, we have all sorts of medications and therapy to help with that now. Your deductible is about a quarter of your income, and your copay is $100. Don’t complain, it could be worse!

Pay someone else to do it for you

Often, the best way to get rid of a problem is to throw money at it. It works for the rich literally every single day. Why not use it to your advantage? Drain your savings, sell your collectibles, and rid yourself of that weight on your shoulders. (Possibly literally, depending on your workout routine.)

Claim that you’ll start tomorrow

Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? If you’re motivated enough, tomorrow never comes, so you’re in the clear! Seriously, people make songs about it and everything. Makes you wonder how anything is ever accomplished.

Come to terms with your insignificance

You may have learned about the vastness of space, the trillions of galaxies and planets that exist in the void, and how monumental it is that we are living, sentient pieces of the universe that get to experience itself. This is a fascinating and wonderful point of view, but it is obviously wishful thinking. With so many planets what we do here on earth will affect less than a trillionth of the universe. With that, you can safely disregard all of your responsibilities and roam free*.

*Except for all of the tangible responsibilities that you have. You still matter a lot to the IRS.

Learn a new language

The best thing about learning a new language isn’t the fact that you will improve your brain’s plasticity, that you will experience new horizons, or that you will understand a greater portion of the world and its wonders. No, the best part is that you will get to pretend you no longer speak your original language. 申し訳ありませんが、あなたが話している新年の抱負が分かりません。今からゲームをします。

Plug your ears and say “LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!”

Regardless of the responsibilities that you have, falling back on classics is a fun way to mix things up. Seriously, when’s the last time that you tried this? It could totally work still. Probably.

Binge “The Office” again

Just face it, you’re about as creative and funny as the twelfth watchthrough of the show is. Don’t forget to question whether it’s actually as good as you remember, or the fact that you’re no longer at the right time in your life to watch it. Questioning your decisions, while being constantly distracted by the droning monotony of something that used to bring you joy is a great way to keep from having time and energy for literally anything else.

Try to start playing Dungeons and Dragons

The goal is actually to make yourself the most available person in the party. It doesn’t matter if it’s 3 people or 7, the inevitable scheduling conflicts will make you perpetually both available for the game and unavailable for anything else. This works best with people who fail to respond with their availability until the day of play.

Move and create a new identity

If you’re the type to make huge commitments and instantly regret them, you certainly know the pain of the associated guilt very well. The best way for someone like you is probably to become someone completely new. That way, any responsibilities tied to your previous life will be washed away, much like the washing of the funds needed to make this type of possibility happen.

Go into witness protection

This is a riskier alternative, but the bright side is that there will be no way for anyone besides the authorities to follow up with you about your resolutions. The hard part is finding the right type of crime to witness and bring forward without getting yourself 86’ed. Hope you’re good at dodging bullets!

Sign up for an isolation experiment

The bad news is that this option is a limited solution: eventually you’ll be freed from the experiment and have to deal with your thoughts and actions in the outside world again. The good news is that you’ll probably be so broken and sensitive to stimuli that you’ll have forgotten all about whatever resolutions you made in favor of finding out what that ticking noise that’s existed in the background your whole life truly is. Plus, you’ll get a nice check!

Have your memory surgically altered

This one might get a little pricey if you’re doing this on your own dime. However if you volunteer with the government, not only will they do it pro bono, but you’ll learn neat skills! Unfortunately they will be tied to trigger phrases, and you won’t remember them after completion of your mission. It’s probably for the best, to be honest.

Practice social distancing

If you were a responsible person, you’d probably be doing this one already. At this point, you’re so deep into the article that we both know that’s not the case. So, here’s a refresher:

  • Stay at least 6 feet from others at all times
  • Wear a mask (KN95 or better is preferred) whenever around others, especially indoors
  • Practice good hygiene though handwashing
  • Keep hand sanitizer on you in the event that you are not near a sink
  • Avoid direct eye contact
  • Unlearn your social skills
  • Become a recluse
  • Begin learning to get good at a skill (darts, for example!)
  • Horde toilet paper and other essentials
  • Await the inevitable apocalypse
  • After 1-2 years, give up on all of this and simply hope that you and those around you won’t suffer any long-term effects from your bad decisions
  • Be surprised when things start to get worse again, but still choose to ignore the lessons that you learned because that would take effort

Have (or adopt) a baby

This one is obviously a commitment, but that’s also good news. For the next 18 years to life, you have a rock-solid excuse to get you out of almost any commitment! Well, any commitment except for those related to the child. Don’t worry, you get used to dirty diapers and throw up pretty quickly.

Get Canceled on social media

First, make sure you find yourself an exceptionally bad take. Next, add some hashtags and post away. Be sure you’re antagonistic to every single comment (both for and against your take). Congratulations, you played yourself! Good thing it was all part of your plan. Just make sure you’ve never shared any identifiable information on the internet ever, or you might find yourself getting doxxed instead of simply hated ignored / hatewatched. Still, it’s a small price to pay to forget about a self-imposed obligation!

Stop bathing

The best defense against questions? A good offensive smell. You may get the occasional question here and there, but once they get a good whiff of you they will likely suddenly remember obligations that they have elsewhere. Just don’t be hurt if your friends don’t stand downwind.

Become Santa Claus

The bad news is that you may have accidentally knocked off the previous Santa and are now filling his shoes. The good news is, you’re going to be busy the entire year round trying to keep up with trends, technology, and elf unions. By the time you see anyone that you may have told your resolutions to in the first place, it will have been almost a full year.

They’ll only have an eye for presents, spiked eggnog, and ignore their own responsibilities until the New Year comes. Plus, you’re more or less immortal until you choose to take a fall yourself, and delegating responsibilities is probably something that can also be delegated itself now.

Start a cult

A fantastic way to have very little responsibility is to make sure all of your followers view you as a god. Or at least the vessel for the Dark One to take over when he returns to raze the world and burn the nonbelievers. Really, you can get away with just about anything if you’re successful enough. Plus, if you successfully convince others that it’s actually a religion you’ll also be tax exempt! The downside is that you’ll have to sacrifice your conscience and/or soul, but at this point are you really using it?

Become a speedrunner

This one might have the largest skill barrier to entry. For most people, video games are a relaxing break from the stresses of life. If you commit yourself to learning a speedrun for a game or two however, it will quickly become one of the most stressful aspects of your life.

Forget about any commitments to friends, family or jobs, your life is now Donkey Kong 64. Eat only bananas, fall asleep to the DK Rap, and dream of the best and most optimized lines to guide your character on to save milliseconds.

Even worse, if you aren’t going glitchless, you can find yourself spending dozens of hours probing the invisible walls in game and hundreds of hours researching code to see if there are any other exploits available that you haven’t considered yet. Who has time for anything else when you’re aiming for sub-30 times just to get into the top 10? You may start with no style and have no grace, but by the end nobody will be laughing at your funny face.

Run for Office

The best thing about running for office is that you don’t actually have to follow through with anything. If you resolved to cure hangovers, eat 50 bazillion summer sausages, and jump from Berlin to the Moon using a pogo stick made out of dried spaghetti, nobody would bat an eye. If anyone mentioned it again, you could ignore the question, state it was out of context, or simply talk about all of the accomplishments that occurred while you were alive somewhere. Unfortunately, this is another pricey one, but that can be mitigated by selling your soul for a nice chunk of change to the highest bidding corporation(s).

Congratulations, you either have a great support network or successfully avoided any personal responsibility for your alleged resolutions! You could have simply ignored them, or even better not made any, but you’re better than that. Well, better is a relative term here, but at least you’ll have an interesting story for the movie they make celebrating your choices (or lack thereof).

Happy New Year!

Hundreds of Indie Filmmakers Rush to Create the First 4/10 Steamboat Willie Horror Movie

It’s January 1, 2024, meaning that a new pool of art, books, and media has entered the United States public domain. It also means the race is on for hundreds of indie filmmakers to make the first absolutely middle-of-the-road horror movie starring the public domain’s newest entry: Steamboat Willie.

“It’s chaotic right now, as we’re all trying to get a foothold into the lucrative Steamboat Willie market that global audiences are demanding,” said Chip Wentworth, an independent filmmaker.

“Steamboat Willie is in the public’s domain, and that means the public has gotta be ravenous for any kind of media containing this very specific 95-year-old cartoon mouse.”

Rhys Frake-Waterfield, best known for his work on Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey and currently working on both a Peter Pan and a Bambi horror movie, has expressed interest in throwing his hat in the enormous, hat-laden Steamboat Willie ring as well.

“I just genuinely enjoy taking old childhood stories and memories and giving them a scary twist for more modern audiences,” said Frake-Waterfield. “Also using an existing intellectual property is basically like printing money. You bet your ass I’m making a Betty Boop horror movie in 2026, and not even God can stop me.”

Other well-known filmmakers have expressed interest in making a Steamboat Willie picture, from Martin Scorsese to George Lucas to Guillermo del Toro.

“I always loved the idea of making a movie that explores the heart of this little mouse captain,” said del Toro in an interview with The Guardian. “Basically, if you give me a budget of $30 million, I’ll make you cry your eyes out over the most stylized, puppeted mouse you’ve ever seen.”

As of press time, here are all of the current Steamboat Willie-inspired horror movies currently in production:

  • Steamboat Willies
  • Whistle of the Mouse
  • Steamboat Willie: Blood and Steam
  • Steamblood
  • Steamboat Killy
  • The Mouse and the Boat
  • Steamboat Willies 2 (Pre-production)
  • Willie: Inspired by a True Story
  • Steamboat Willie Meets The Wolf Man
  • The Conjuring of Steamboat Willie
  • The Exorcism of Steamboat Willie
  • The Killing of Steamboat Willie
  • The Conjuring of The Exorcism of The Killing of Steamboat Willie
  • The Steamboat Murdering
  • Willie’s Nelson (this one he kills by putting you in a full nelson)
  • Steamboat Spree
  • Steamboat Willie’s Wonderland
  • Steamboat Willie and Sherlock Holmes
  • Steamboat Willie and Sherlock Holmes 2: This One Is The Moriarty One
  • The Grave of Steamboat Willie
  • Nightmare on Steamboat Street
  • Who’s That? Uh-oh, It’s Steamboat Willie
  • Steamboat Chainsaw Massacre
  • Steamy Willie (this one is a porn)
  • It Came From Planet Steamboat
  • Steamboat Willie: A Life Of Crime
  • Scooby Doo: Steamboat Scaries
  • Dude, Where’s My Steamboat?
  • Alien vs. Predator vs. Steamboat Willie
  • Suck My Willie (this one is also a porn)
  • Speedboat Wilie
  • Racecar Willie
  • Motorcycle Willie
  • Willied
  • Steamboated
  • Night of the Steamboat Willies
  • Steamboat Willie’s Gold
  • The Willies
  • Steamboat Terror
  • Steamboat Willie and the Secret Rings

Hard Drive will update this article with the additional 100 indie movie titles as they are announced in the next 24 hours.

Legend of Zelda SEO Is Through the Roof so Here’s It Written a Hundred Times

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda, Rule 34.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

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The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

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The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

The Legend of Zelda.

Up-And-Coming YouTuber Thrilled at Becoming Popular Enough to See Scam Accounts Pretending to be Him in His Comments Section

TORONTO — Despite having recently hit a milestone of 20,000 subscribers, YouTube personality Christian Ralz, AKA Cralzo, is celebrating a very different achievement.

“No matter how many times I try to wrap my head around it, it’s all just so unreal,” said Cralzo during a recent livestream. “I’m really proud of the work I do, and seeing you all enjoying it so much means the world,

“But you just don’t understand the sheer psychological thrill of knowing someone out there is pretending to be you for the purpose of obtaining your viewers’ social security number. It’s like comparing apples to oranges, but the oranges are the forbidden fruit of Eden.”

Christian’s girlfriend and frequent contributor to the Cralzo channel, Emily Crowder, echoed a similar sentiment on stream after he had excitedly called her into his soundproof gaming room.

“Yeah, he’s really happy about it,” Emily said as she supportively patted Cralzo on the shoulder. “He’s been thinking about getting a custom trophy to commemorate the occasion, but he’s been struggling to find something grandiose enough to mark the achievement.

“He asked YouTube, but they said they only send Play Buttons for subscriber milestones.” This was followed by Cralzo giving an exaggerated eye roll and making a suggested gesture with his hand.

Viewer responses to Cralzo’s commemoration have been mixed overall, with some saying he deserves to relish the accomplishment while others think he may be putting too much weight on the idea of it.

“Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing him happy,” viewer XXcrazeepyzzaXX wrote in a comment, “but I prefer seeing him being passionate about the topic of his channel: Obscure miniature train sets from the early 1940s.

“The alternate materials used during wartime make for some really cool videos. But instead, he just keeps focusing on this scammer thing! You know, I donated two dollars to him while he streamed, and guess what he said? ‘Oh, thanks.’ Like, at least acknowledge the sacrifice I made to you.”

Hard Drive reached out to the scam account that still posts on every video he uploads, CRALZOFREEMONEYCLICKHERE, and were told about an intriguing offer for upcoming merchandise if we send our credit card information.

Goddess of Victory: Nikke Codes January 2024

Goddess of Victory: Nikke has all the trapping of a typical F2P game, and as such players can expect to find a number of redeemable codes to claim in-game currencies to play with. This is a list of all active Nikke: Goddess of Victory codes that we know of in January 2024, case insensitive.

Wordle Today 930 Answer And Wordle Hint For January 5, 2024

Active Goddess of Victory: Nikke Codes

The most recent Goddess of Victory: Nikke codes are listed first.

NYSCARLETBS2024

  • 3 Normal Recruit Vouchers

2024NIKKETHNYNS

  • 100 Gems

HAPPY2024NIKKEMYSG

  • 100 Gems

NIKKEBAGONGTAON

  • 100 Gems

NIKKEFOR2024

  • 101 Gems

NIKKECHRISTMAS

  • 300 Gems

 

MORE REDEMPTION CODES:

 

NIKKEPC

  • 100 Gems

NIKKEFOR2023

  • 100 Gems

NIKKE1104

  • 1 Credit Case (2 hour)

NIKKE2023

  • 100 Gems

NIKKE777

  • 100 Gems

NIKKEFORYOU

  • 1 Credit Case (2 hour)

 

How To Redeem Codes In Goddess of Victory: Nikke

Codes can only be redeemed after clearing Stages 1 through 4 of the Goddess of Victory: Nikke tutorial. Once that is out of the way, take the following steps:

  • Tap the “Notice” bell icon in the top-right
  • In this menu, ensure that you are under the “Event Notice” tab at the top

  • Find CD-Key Redemption Portal here, if it is not immediately visible

  • Select the button “tap to enter =>” to proceed

  • On this page of the CD-Key Redemption Portal, you will find your account details and server filled in automatically
  • Enter the redeem code in the CDK field
  • Hit Redeem Now
  • If successful, simply return to the Lobby and check the Mailbox for your Rewards

 

Goddess of Victory: Nikke Invalid CD-Key Code

If the CD-Key code repeatedly fails to authenticate, these are the possible reasons:

  • While codes are not case sensitive, you must be careful about distinguishing between numbers and letters, for example, the number 1 and the letter ‘I’, or the number 0 and the letter ‘O’
  • Codes can only be redeemed once per account, across all servers
  • CD-Keys have a redemption limit per server, and can expire once maximum usage has been crossed. They may also be re-activated later, so try again at some point
  • Codes also have an expiry date, especially seasonal ones for Christmas and New Years

 

Genshin Impact Codes January 2024

 

Expired Goddess of Victory: Nikke Codes

While these are expired codes, you might want to give them a shot, on the off chance that they slipped through and are still active. After crossing their redemption limit per server, codes are sometimes re-released without announcement.

1AY26V8QE

  • 300 Gems

1AY38MX5C

  • 200 Gems

1AY459NDT

  • 100 Gems

ALLIWANTFORWINTERISYOU

  • 100 Gems

MALANIKKEPASKO

  • 100 Gems

NK12THNVL07

  • 100 Gems

BRINGOUTTHEBIGBALLOONS

  • 100 Gems

NIKKELANGSAKALAM

  • 100 Gems

NIKKE1STYEAR

  • 100 Gems

 

Call Of Duty: Mobile Codes January 2024

 

NIKKESURPRISE

NIKKEXMASEU

2023NIKKEIDOKE

LAUNCHNIKKE11

NIKKELAUNCH11

IFYOUREALLYWANTMERIGHT

NIKKE1YEAR

1STYRNK04TH

1STANNIVSHOW

1STANNIVERSARYWITHU

1STANNIVSHOW

1ARV7NEVP

 

1ARUY2AA2

NK14KIDTH

NK09CUPIDTH10

LOCKNROLL

NIKKEKRGOOGLEPLAY0901

1AH20L5N5

1AH06MMWD

VICTORYT0MANK1NDMYSG

NXNTHAILAND91

BORN2BNIKKE

1AH1D60GN

NIKKECOMICMARKET102

 

WABBITLAVEET

NKSAY05NOIR23TH

1F4A41GLD773

F4R14A4FV211

HY6MNIKKE23TH

HAPPY6MONTHS

NIKKEHALFANNIV

LOVEUCOMMANDER2023

NIKKESAKURA

SAKURA04TH23NK

PINKPETALS

TH03LOVEBISCUIT

 

TEACHMEHOWTOD0GGIE

NK02V14DG

COCOALAYANKOBUHAYMO

GAWKGAWK3000

NIKKEMODERNIA

NIKKE

NIKKE47CAMPAIGN

NIKKEGIFT

BEMYCOMMANDER

NIKEENEWYEAR

NIKKEKRHAPPYHOLIDAY2022

NIKKEKR

 

NIKKE2023

NIKKEXMA

HA17X5DU

NIKKEGAME8VTUBER

1AWM2F1J4

1AWL08GVN

1AWK6LK3G

MYNIKKE

NIKKE

BEMYCOMMANDER

NIKKECONGRAT11

NIKKE11CONGRAT

 

CONGRATNIKKE11

CONGRATNIKKE04

NIKKE04CONGRAT

NIKKECONGRAT04

NIKKELAUNCH04

NIKKELUV

NIKKENO1

NIKKE2022

1104NIKKETH

IGOTNIKKE

CRNIKKE

NIKKETIMAEUSS

 

NIKKEHAPPYNEWYEAR

NIKKEPRESENT

NIKKESPECIALGIFT

NIKKEALBAN

NIKKEPOMU

NIKKENEWYEAR

 

Reverse: 1999 Codes January 2024

 

This list will be updated as often as we are able to track down more redemption codes from any and all Goddess of Victory: Nikke sources.

 

Chris Pine Says D&D Sequel is Likely Happening As Soon as Everyone is Free, Definitely Soon Though

Fans of the film, Dungeons and Dragons: Honor Among Thieves, recently got some good news when Chris Pine commented about the possibility of a sequel. While he didn’t come right out and say it, he did hint at the desire to make another movie as long as everyone is available at the same time.

“We’re really excited about the idea of doing another film, but we’re having a little trouble with scheduling right now,” Pine said when pressed for an update. “It’s just super tough with everyone being so busy. Like, I’m super swamped with family stuff and I know Justice Smith has his bowling league on Wednesday nights so we can’t film then.”

There was some concern as to whether or not the studio would even greenlight a sequel after a lackluster Box office performance. However, fan support and potential streaming revenue have been enough for the studio to consider it, though finding a location has proved quite the obstacle.

“It’s just hard finding a space and time that works for everyone,” said a source from Paramount. “We have one studio in Los Angeles that works most days but not on Thursdays and Fridays, and we can’t film on Mondays because Michelle Rodriquez has her quilting club on Monday nights, and Monday mornings are no good either because Chris Pine actually takes the early shift at a local soup kitchen. We could film in Atlanta but the studio over there actually doubles as a roller derby rink half the week so…”

These obstacles haven’t seemed to discourage the cast as they’re all in high spirits about making a sequel at all–ideally after the holiday season.

“Yeah, it’s really tough to get going anytime soon, what with the holidays and all,” Chris Pine said with a melancholy smile. “We couldn’t start filming last month because everyone was all over the country seeing family and the soup kitchen was packed for Thanksgiving so I was putting in extra time there, not to mention how busy it’ll be for Christmas. 

“We’ll definitely start filming again–at least I’m pretty sure we will–once schedules align. Worst case scenario we’ll just start over Zoom or Discord. Ah, wait, Regé-Jean Page doesn’t have a computer right now.”

We asked Director Jonathan Goldstein for a comment and he just told us he’d give us an official start date as soon as he was back from vacation, his online Spanish classes are over, and he doesn’t have to dog sit his neighbor’s Schnauzer anymore.

Sean Murray Swears Off Interviews As New Year’s Resolution

GUILDFORD, UK – After announcing a new game called Light No Fire at The Game Awards, Sean Murray saw fans online begin to get hyped for this new project. Unfortunately, this was promptly followed by Sean experiencing flashbacks to No Man’s Sky’s launch and its less-than-positive reaction. To prevent any similar incidents, Sean has said he will be swearing off Twitter as his New Year’s resolution.

“Look I am very happy to see people getting interested in what we’re working on but at the same time all of us here at Hello Games agree with Sean that it’s best he step away from interviews,” says one Hello Games employee. 

“It’s not that we doubt his abilities to promote the game, as a matter of fact there have been more than a few times we wished it was the opposite. We just want what’s best for everyone, Sean included, and I don’t think death threats are included in that.”

Many other employees expressed similar sentiments while also assuring us that Sean came to this decision completely on his own with no coercion from the team. But some fans seem to be upset with the decision. Saying that a lack of news may lead to them losing interest in the game.

“The game looks great from the tiny teaser we got but there’s still so much more I want to know before I commit to this. Sure I could just wait for them to release it and then buy it after seeing reviews but I want it ASAP. 

So if I can’t get it on release day obviously my only choice is to threaten this man’s life and say nasty things online like ‘there’s no butterflies in the game and if you don’t put them in, you’re gonna be in a cocoon of pain!’ like I proudly did for No Man’s Sky.”

With so many opinions going around on this topic, Sean Murray took it upon himself to comment on it and the game in general. Unfortunately, the second he got close to a microphone multiple Hello Games employees immediately rushed at Sean and tackled him to the ground. He was then promptly and swiftly carried away before he could utter a single word.

The only statement Hello Games allowed him to make was very brief and simply read: ‘Light No Fire will be a good game. Please buy it when it comes out. -Sean’

How To Make Greek Pizza Recipe In Disney Dreamlight Valley

Greek Pizza is one of dozens of foods you can cook up in Disney Dreamlight Valley, but what goes into making it? Well this guide has the recipe, as well as the locations for every single one of the ingredients needed to make Greek Pizza in Disney Dreamlight Valley.

How To Make Greek Pizza In Disney Dreamlight Valley

There are forty complex 5-Star meals that can be whipped up in Disney Dreamlight Valley. Greek Pizza being a 5-star recipe, you can expect it to obviously have five ingredients which you will need to gather before you begin making this Entree. Those ingredients are:

  • 1 Cheese
  • 1 Spice or Herb, which can be anything from Basil to Oregano
  • 1 Onion
  • 1 Tomato
  • 1 Wheat
  • A Cooking Station

MORE IN DISNEY DREAMLIGHT VALLEY:

Cheese is easy enough to acquire: just unlock Remy and open up Chez Remy again to the public, by completing the quest “A Restaurant Makeover”.

Among Spices and Herbs, Basil can be foraged right off of the ground in Peaceful Meadow, while Garlic can be foraged in the Forest of Valor in the same way. Oregano can be found in the Plaza, Ginger in the Forgotten Lands, and Mint in the Frosted Heights. Bear in mind, you only need one of any these Spices and Herbs to make Greek Pizza, not every single one, so get a hold of whatever is most convenient.

Onion is a vegetable grown from Onion Seeds, both of which you can purchase from Goofy’s Stall in the Forest of Valor.

Tomato is another vegetable, and Tomato Seeds can be bought from Goofy’s Stall in Dazzle Beach.

And finally, Wheat is a grain grown from Wheat Seeds, and both can be purchased from Goofy’s Stall in the Peaceful Meadow.

Disney Dreamlight Valley Fishing Guide: How to Catch Kingfish

Once you have gathered all five of the basic ingredients required, simply head to a Cooking Station. These can be found at the following locations, aside from player placed stoves:

  • Goofy’s House
  • Kristoff’s House
  • Mickey’s House
  • Minnie’s House
  • Remy’s House
  • Chez Remy alongside Remy
  • Ratatouille Realm alongside Remy
  • Sunlit Plateau Campsite
  • Forgotten Lands Campsite

Greek Pizza sells for 630 Star Coins, and restores 1152 Energy.

 

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