New Yorkers: This Is Your Opportunity to Experience a Real-Life Poison Level

Posted on by Ryan Fleishman

If you are a gamer in New York City, this is your best chance in a lifetime to experience a real life video game level. A series of wildfires in Canada (Quebec, of course) created the thick field of smog you are currently choking through, and most people are having a horrible time outside. For us gamers, though? This is a dream come true, as the worst levels from our favorite pastime come to life.

As you can tell from this unnervingly prescient Diablo IV advertisement, New York is currently a hellscape and a poison level wrapped in one.

Diablo IV ad in New York City
More like Hell, welcome to New York

Right now, New York follows poison area logic: you can only stay in the fog for a couple seconds before you start slowly taking damage. The Call of Duty Warzone circle is finally real, and you can live out your video game fantasy IRL by purchasing an overpriced N95 mask then hiding in the corner of a building for a full hour. 

Are you a FromSoft fanboy? Break out the watering hose to make a little poison swamp of your own to roll around in. Do you love Silent Hill? Wait until night time and smoke a bowl of salvia, and I promise you that psychosomatic monsters based on your deepest traumas will start crawling out the fog in minutes. 

For absolute losers, you can imagine the weather in New York is identical to the sky in Shadow the Hedgehog when Black Doom invades.

Screenshot of the second-worst Sonic game or real photo of NYC?

Last but not least, you can complete your gaming experience by googling how to deal with the smog online, only for someone on the forums to call you a slur for not buying antidotes and poison resistant equipment several months earlier.

Even if you stay inside, this gruesome weather is a great opportunity to better empathize with our player characters as we also slowly choke to death. Personally, I cannot wait until our world becomes more and more cartoonishly hellish so I can experience my favorite video games like Fallout or Doom in person.

Everything to Know About New Twitter CEO Linda Yaccarino

Posted on by Camden Brazile

In the wake of his resignation as CEO of Twitter, Elon Musk has named his successor, NBCUniveral Head of Advertising Linda Yaccarino. Here are the essential facts to know about the new leader of the online social media platform.

What Will She Do First to Improve Twitter?

Replace Elon Musk

How Will This Change the Future of Twitter?

This time, the mismanagement and ego-driven decisions will be done by a woman

What Is Her Favorite of the Hotel Transylvania Movies?

Hotel Transylvania 2

Why Is Elon Stepping Down?

Musk is trolling the woke liberal elite by being pressured to resign from a job he was bad at

What Will Her Salary Be?

3 horses a day

How Much Can She Bench?

Two Plates for Reps

How Did She Land the Job?

Yaccarino proved with her tenure at NBC that she can handle being in charge of a tanking media platform

Here’s All The Titles Leaving Plex This Month Because My Hard Drive Is Full

Posted on by Walker MacDonald

Alright, freeloaders. You knew this was coming. Someone borrowed my external 2TB, and PhotoShop just stopped me from using the magic fucking wand because the scratch post was full or whatever. So we’re offloading dead weight. Here’s all the titles leaving Plex this month for various reasons, but mostly because my hard drive is about to bust.

The Wire

My friend Stephen finished The Sopranos and told me everyone said he needed to watch this right after. He said he can’t figure out Pirate Bay, so I threw him a bone. This mother fucker has been sitting untouched for months. 25 fucking GBs and its collecting dust. In the trash it goes. Stephen, if you’re reading this, tough toenails. Go buy a boxset or something.

Kite (2014)

Super middle of the road action movie with Sam Jackson and this teen killing smugglers, it’s like more boring, less pedophilic Leon: The Professional. I guess that’s the bargain. I heard this was based on an anime or something, I have that on my Plex too. Maybe I’ll check it out while I’m clearing space.

Kite (1998)

Okay, nevermind. That was way fucking worse than Leon. Don’t ask.

McCabe & Mrs. Miller

I thought this was supposed to be about cowboys, but this is just sad? And loud? Everyone’s talking over each other all the time. Nobody even shoots anyone, I turned it off after like 30 minutes. I think maybe I got tricked into one of those art films.

The Super Mario Bros. Movie

Went out of my way to wrangle this for my nieces and their mother has the gaul to tell me they were “upset” by it? What’s so upsetting about Dennis Hopper? This movie’s a classic! Last time I do anything nice for children.

Pulp Fiction

I found the DVD in my basement, no need for it on the server anymore. If you want this, just come over and borrow it. Or maybe actually hang out with me instead of leeching off my media library and offering nothing in return. Bring something to the table for once in your life.

Jeanne Dielman, 23 Quai du Commerce, 1080 Bruxelles

Is this some new Rick Roll? Like is this how people are Rick Rolling each other now.

Star.Wars.NEW.EPISODE.10_1080p.UNCUT.REY.NUDE.mkv

File name was misleading and not as advertised. I’m hoping that removing it will do something about the Trojan on my computer and the threatening emails will stop.

Diablo 4 Baleful Fragment Guide: How to Get the Material in D4

Posted on by Parker Johnson

If you want to upgrade your legendary gear in Diablo 4, Baleful Fragment is a key component you’ll need. As you get further in the game, you’ll want to begin upgrading your gear instead of selling and consistently getting new gear. This depends a bit on your progress in the campaign, as you will likely get your first legendary gear by getting specific legendary items from story quests. 

After these initial story gear drops, though, you will also likely be high enough level (Level 25, to be exact) to begin getting random legendary weapons to drop as well. Once you start holding onto these, to make the most of this gear, you’re going to need plenty of that crafting material. Here’s the best ways to get Baleful Fragments in Diablo 4.

Where Do You Get Baleful Fragments in Diablo 4?

How to get a Baleful Fragment in Diablo 4.

The surefire way to get the Baleful Fragment material in Diablo 4 is to salvage legendary weapons, shields, or other offhand items, like a focus. It may be hard to get rid of some of your favorite pieces of gear, but you’re going to need to choose favorites to get your weapons’ true potential. As you begin progressing more in both stories and as you begin to level up in D4, though, this new rarity of gear will be more common, meaning you’ll be able to give up more to improve your best.

In addition to upgrading legendary weapons, you can also use Baleful Fragments to imprint aspects in Diablo 4. If you’re looking to improve your already great rare weapons, this is a much better use of this incredibly valuable crafting material. No matter what you decide to use this material on, it’s an incredibly valuable inventory item for every player.

That’s all you need to know about getting your hands on Baleful Fragments! While you’re here, check out our other helpful Diablo IV guides to learn the best early skills and whether you should sell or salvage your weapons & armor.

Everything We Know About the New Coke for Gamers

Posted on by Jeremy Kaplowitz

Holy shit, gamers, there’s finally a drink that’s just for you! Coca Cola has teamed up with League of Legends to create a soda that’s just for gamers, and here’s everything we know about it.

They are filled with Jim Ryan’s piss

Don’t worry, there’s also a Zero Sugar version

It just won the Game Award for “sexiest beverage”

Ending water’s 20 year reign, we have a new king of drinks!

It’s “Code Red” at the Mtn Dew factories

Mtn Dew is doing everything in their power to make even more soda for gamers

Instead of names along the side, they have racial slurs

This is really fucked up, but you have to commend Coca Cola’s commitment to making a true gamer beverage

Double XP weekends have never been easier

You can buy two cans at once and legally no one can stop you (if you can prove you’re a gamer)

Dark Souls

Have you ever played the game Dark Souls? It’s really hard, which means it’s good

You can level up by drinking it

With enough cans of Coke consumed, soon your Type 1 Diabetes can level up to Type 2

It’s very healthy to drink

For legal reasons, we have to specify that we mean it will be healthy for society once all the gamers die out

Drinking it will NOT make you a gamer

Only hard work, dedication, and a hatred for anyone who doesn’t look exactly like you can do that.

It will have no impact on the release date of Silksong

Sorry

Letterboxd User Tries Not to Let Handjob in Theater Influence Review

Posted on by Cameron Snow

MILWAUKEE — Doing his best to set aside any biases, local Letterboxd user MrPizza22 reportedly tried not to let the handjob he received in the theater during Fast X affect the integrity of his Letterboxd review of the film.

“Would you say eating popcorn and sipping soda influences your opinion of a movie? That’s what I thought,” said MrPizza22. “As film critics — and by that I mean Letterboxd users — we have a moral duty to serve our [4] followers. They rely on us to know whether a movie is good or bad, and I would never in a million years let the fact that I literally came inside of an empty soda cup after my girlfriend jacked me off betray my opinion of the movie. When I say Fast X made me deeply aroused, I truly mean it was just the film.”

Despite this, MrPizza22’s review was astoundingly popular, considering his dislike of every single other movie in the series.

“I did not expect this movie to evoke such a profound sense of pleasure out of me,” read MrPizza22’s review of Fast X. “I was gripped from the very beginning. The rhythmic pacing worked along with the pulsating soundtrack to create a tension that was delightful yet maddening, and really kept me on the edge of my seat. If there was one word I could describe Fast X with, it would be ‘ejaculation.’ Definitely the best theater-going experience I’ve had in years!”

Letterboxd Co-Founder Matthew Buchanan addressed the recent rise in seemingly biased reviews.

“There’s no right way to watch a movie,” said Buchanan. “But we heard your voices and we listened, which is why we’re proud to announce a brand new feature coming to Letterboxd, the ‘Received Handjob’ button. Users will now be required to indicate whether or not they received a handjob during every movie they review, so their biases are clear up front.”

At press time, the user who gave the handjob, wandering_Walrus, also wrote a review for the movie, which simply reads “that shit sucked.”

Disney Informs Horrified Jeff Bridges That He’s Being Remade

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

BURBANK, Calif. — Legendary actor Jeff Bridges was horrified recently when Disney executives informed him of their plans to remake him, sources have confirmed. 

“Mr. Bridges was sadly not very receptive to our plans,” said Robert Iger, CEO of Disney, shortly after meeting with the Academy Award winner. “However, we reminded him that we are contractually within our rights to go ahead with the project even without his blessing. We disagree with his assertion that this live action remake is distasteful to the original, and are excited about bringing Jeff Bridges to a whole new generation! We’re also fairly certain Jeff will live through the procedure as well. Which is great news!” 

While the announcement was met with backlash, most also confessed to being curious to see how the remake of Jeff Bridges turns out. 

“I mean, I’ll at least check it out,” said local moviegoer Trevor Benton. “I understand that some people are gonna be pissed off about this, but like, the old one is still there if that’s what you prefer. Let’s just all give this new [Jeff Bridges] a chance, you know? And I mean hey, at least Disney’s not then butchering another animated classic of theirs this time.” 

The star of True Grit, The Big Lebowski, and Crazy Heart, however, was skeptical about the nature of the project. 

“I don’t consent to any part of this,” said the 73-year-old Bridges. “At first I thought you meant you were gonna make a young version of me in a movie or something like Tron, but this is a whole other version of me you wanna create, like Starman. I don’t like it one bit, and now the new version of me keeps getting offers I thought were gonna come to me. I’ll be damned.” 

As of press time, the remade Jeff Bridges had broken free of its chains and was terrorizing New York City as authorities tried to bring it down.

Report: Tears of the Kingdom Fixes Joy-Con Drift by Letting You Attach Other New Objects to Your Joy-Cons

Posted on by Aaraf Afzal

KYOTO, Japan — Hot on the heels of the positive response to The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, Nintendo confirmed that the game’s latest update will introduce a bold, new, fittingly innovative solution to Joy-Con drift.

“Originally, we added Joy-Con durability as a way to encourage players to experiment with more kinds of Joy-Cons instead of hoarding their favorite ones,” said Nintendo President Shuntaro Furukawa. “But you have all been such little crybabies about it, and we hear you. We understand it can be expensive. That’s why we at Nintendo are proud to announce a new fix: Our latest patch for Tears of the Kingdom will let you use the Fuse ability to repair your own Joy-Cons, at no additional charge. You just stick whatever else you want to them — and this will activate surprising new effects.”

“For instance, fusing two Joy-Cons together will improve both their durability and their battery life,” he said. Furukawa added that the R&D team has been hard at work, using duct tape and super glue to investigate what other exciting effects they can uncover. “While we want players to experiment and find their own combinations, some possible combos include Joy-Con and Soup Ladle, which provides greater control over your analog sticks if your controller is greasy, as well as Joy-Con and Amiibo, which fixes drift, but specifically for the character you attached.”

Nintendo fans are ecstatic about the new feature. 

“This has changed everything,” said popular Zelda speedrunner Max_WindFish. “I just fused my Joy-Con with an Uno ‘reverse’ card, and it fixed my old controller by making the stick drift in the opposite direction. The effects just cancel each other out! Nintendo continues to amaze with how many solutions there are to any potential problem.”

Not everyone has loved the change, however. Max_WindFish’s wife Kate, for instance, had many complaints about her husband’s newfound technological ability.

“On the one hand, I can finally climb Death Mountain without Link strolling off the edge,” said Kate. “But on the other, I don’t have a fucking steering wheel. Max insists that sticking it to the Joy-Con saved us a few bucks on the official Mario Kart controller. This morning, he stuck the whole PlayStation 5 to the Switch. He’s currently playing the game at 99,99,999 FPS, but this is getting insane. If things don’t get better, I’m gonna fuse his ass to a Joy-Con and throw him in the trash.”

At press time, Nintendo also teased a new ability that would let gamers automatically slide through their ceilings into their upstairs neighbors’ apartments, but were working out the legality of it.

Problematic Smash Bros Player Deplatformed

Posted on by Dan Bookbinder

BINGHAMTON, N.Y. — Notorious professional Smash Bros. player ProfessorFukHead, has finally been knocked off his social media accounts after years of complaints.

“As a community built around Super Smash Bros., we understand how difficult it can be to be removed from platforms,” said Twitch representative Tammy Hicks. “But ProfessorFukHead’s behavior has gotten so bad that we felt it became absolutely necessary to grab him, back-throw him off Twitch, and spike him into oblivion. He may try to piggyback onto his more successful friends and return to the scene one day, but we will do whatever we can to prevent him from share-stocking.”

Players around the community praised the decision from Twitch.

“It makes sense he’s a Wario main because that’s exactly how he acts in real life,” explained fellow competitor JennieCa$h, a top-ranked Pikachu player. “It’s just these constant rapid little weak attacks on everyone around him that grind you down, and then BLAM, he farts all over you. That last part isn’t a metaphor — he literally got caught farting on people. I have such a goddamn love/hate relationship with this community, let me tell you.”

Since getting permabanned, ProfessorFukHead has tried to make a quick comeback by pivoting to speedrunning Mario 64 on YouTube, starting flame wars on Twitter, and being friends with ZeRo.

Street Fighter 6 Wall Jump Guide: How to Wall Jump in SF6

Posted on by Parker Johnson

Movement is incredibly important in any fighting game, and learning the Street Fighter 6 wall jump technique can give you an edge over your opponent. This entry is shaping up to be one of the best in the series’ history, with glowing reviews and over 1 million players at launch. The popular new single player mode, World Tour, helps as well, giving players a lot to do, even if they don’t want to test their mettle against the best of the best online.

For those that do want to hop online, though, it’s important to be at your best with your movement. Here’s how to use the Wall Jump in SF6, as long as you’re playing as a certain character.

How to Wall Jump in Street Fighter 6

Can you wall jump in Street Fighter 6?

To wall jump in SF6, while near a wall, jump in the air towards the wall, then press up + away from the wall at the apex of the jump. The most important part of this move to keep in mind, though, is that only Chun-Li can perform wall jumps at launch. When you’re playing online, it’s only possible for this classic character to use the acrobatic technique. 

How to Unlock Wall Jump in World Tour

While Chun-Li is the only character who can use Wall Jumps online, your Street Fighter 6 avatar can learn the technique for them to use. From the beginning of this solo mode, you can learn fighting styles from the very best fighters. Once you get to Chapter 2 of this campaign, you’ll meet Chun-Li and get to be her student. After learning from her, you will unlock her fighting style for your custom character and subsequently, be able to wall jump.

That’s all you need to know about wall jumping in SF6! While you’re here, check out our guides for another huge June release, Diablo 4!

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