Armored Core 6 Best Build Guide: Best Early Game AC6 Builds

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

Looking for the best build in Armored Core 6 early game? Armored Core 6 is a smashing return to explosive big mech action, and brings with it a vast array of parts to mix and match into your dream giant robot build. The early game can be pretty rough though, as you’re still unlocking or discovering various parts, while taking on punishing odds and tough bosses. This Armored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon guide will share an ideal build to power through the initial chapter, as well as farm enough COAM to buy the shop out as new parts unlock.

Armored Core 6 Early Game Build Guide: HEAD

HD-011 MELANDER or HD-012 MELANDER C3

The choice of Heads here is based entirely on whether or not you have the pre-order bonus set. If you don’t, then the standard HD-011 MELANDER will more than suffice, and can be purchased in the shop for 75,000 COAM.

CORE

BD-011 MELANDER or DF-BD-08 TIAN-QIANG

Your primary goal with this build is to endure incoming damage while outputting far, far more on your targets, and both of these early Core unlocks will allow you to do so. Purchase from the shop for 195K or 390K COAM respectively.

Best AC6 Early Game Build – R-BACK UNIT and L-BACK UNIT

Vvc-70VPM Plasma Missile Launcher

Fires five rounds per hardpoint that cause lingering plasma explosions on impact. Additionally, the missile swarms are multi-lock and indirect fire i.e. they launch vertically and can circumvent the target’s ability to evade hits from behind cover. This also effectively allows your own mech to take shots from the safety of hard cover as well. Purchase in the shop for 96,000 COAM.

ARMS

DF-AR-08 TIAN-QIANG or AR-012 MELANDER C3

A distinction based entirely on ownership of the bonus Melander C3 set. Both offer a good balance between AP and Firearm Specialization, which is what matters for Arms for this particular build. The DF-AR-08 Tian-Qiang can be purchased for 200K COAM at the shop.

R-ARM UNIT and L-ARM UNIT

Vvc-760PR Plasma Rifle

This directed energy weapon does damage via a large plasma explosion that creates a lingering area-of-effect energy bubble around the target. Purchase in the shop for 202,000 COAM.

Armored Core 6 Best Build Early Game: LEGS

LG-011 MELANDER or DF-LG-08 TIAN-QIANG

Bearing the combined weight of all that armor and weaponry, both of these pairs of Legs will also work well with the selected Booster to provide high mobility. Purchase at the shop for 175K or 350K COAM respectively.

FCS

FCS-G2/P05

The massive medium-range assist stat in tracking targets makes for a good pairing with this weapon loadout. Any FCS with good medium-range tracking will suffice, but this one can be bought for 67K COAM.

BOOSTER

ALULA/21E

This booster has a high QB Thrust allowing you to close the gap quickly on enemies and maintain them at a nice medium range for your homing missiles. Unlock this by completing the training mission Intermediate Support 1: Assembling an AC

GENERATOR

DF-GN-02 LING-TAI

A far better prospect than your starting Generator, the Ling-Tai will power your arsenal for a good while, until you can upgrade to better prospects such as the VP-20D or Ming-Tang. While the dash does not last as long, it does recharge fairly quickly. Purchase in the shop for 90,000 COAM.

This early AC6 build will mitigate player issues such as failing to damage targets due to ballistic weapons being just outside of maximum range, and suffering instant death to overpowered bosses. Be sure to make use of boost and dash to stay on the move, or even better, cheese enemies from the safety of hard cover using the homing plasma missiles and their area-of-effect damage orbs.

20 Features ‘Starfield’ Better Have or Else I Won’t Buy It Until It’s Been Out for a Week or Two

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

While a day one Starfield purchase once felt like a no brainer, the amount great games to come out this year has given Bethesda’s latest game a little more to prove, in my opinion. Here are 20 things the new sci-fi RPG absolutely must deliver if they think I’m gonna get it on day one and not wait until I get sick of everyone else talking about it!

Incredible title menu screen

If that thing doesn’t knock me on my ass, I’m out. Straight up.

Kill anything you see

If I can’t completely annihilate every citizen, android, or spaceship I come across, then this game simply isn’t finished.

Marry anything you see

If I can’t romance and spend the rest of my life with every citizen, android, or spaceship I come across, then this game simply isn’t finished.

Fully customizable characters

It’s 2023, and nothing short of the most in-depth character creators are acceptable. If I’m not able to tell it what my character’s favorite podcast is, then the game simply isn’t finished.

200 frames per second

Ooh, I just made this up, but that would rule, right? We’ve been stuck at 60 for so long it feels like. Let’s go already!

1,000+ hours of gameplay

If I even so much as think about a different video game before 2024 hits, then this game simply isn’t finished.

John Cena, The Rock, or Bautista

If I visit hundreds of planets and none of my guys are on there, what the hell is the point of any of this?

Morality system

There should be a series of choices throughout the game where you can even do the honorable thing or not, and then that determines what kind of cowboy you’re being.

Fishing

Absolutely no wiggle room on this one, I’m afraid.

Leatherface

We’ve been playing that new Texas Chainsaw Massacre game and decided it would be so cool to put Leatherface in there. Come on, there has to be one planet where he makes sense, right? Just do it.

Some ‘Star Wars’ stuff

I don’t mean to keep harping on this kind of thing, but 1,000 planets? Come on. Throw some Ewoks in there somewhere.

Information about ‘Elder Scrolls VI’

To be honest, the most intriguing part of this game to me is the chance that we’ll get some cryptic nod to the follow-up to Skyrim. That would be enough to keep me going for another year or two. Elder Scrolls VI is coming, you guys. You’ll see.

V-Buck integration

I’ve got way too many V-Bucks and I’m not really into Fortnite anymore. You should let me spend it in Starfield!

1,000 more planets

I’ve been sitting on that information that Starfield will have 1,000 planets for so long, I’m kind of over it. They should do more now that I think about it.

Battle Royale mode

I know they’re a little out of style these days, but come on, it would be fun!

Fully customizable anuses

We’ve breached the genital wall, it’s now time to visit what may be the final frontier in next generation gaming.

Find my neighborhood in New York City

Spider-Man spoiled me. If I can’t find my apartment building in your game, I’m really pretty underwhelmed with the whole thing these days.

Nothing too scary 

If I wanted to have nightmare, I’d play Dead Space or something. Let’s all be cool here, Starfield. 

Mars

Mars is a planet that I know and love from the hit film The Martian starring Matt Damon. It’s one of the only places I know in space and I will be devastated if it is not one of the several planets featured in Starfield.

Haven’t thought of it yet

I haven’t thought of this one yet, but I am positive that there will be many more things that I will absolutely need in the game or else I’ll refuse to play it. And they better have those things, or else I WALK. I know I’m not saying what they are, but it’s Bethesda’s job to know before I do and add them to the game. Sorry!

Armored Core 6 Pre-Order Bonus Guide: How to Get Melander Set

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

Did you pre-order one of the editions of Armored Core 6: Fires of Rubicon but can’t seem to figure out how to unlock your pre-order bonus? Don’t worry, we’ve got you covered. This AC6 guide will walk you through the parts you get and how to access them in-game.

How To Unlock Armored Core 6 Pre-Order Bonus Set

Begin by confirming that you have the actual DLC files on your particular platform of choice. Navigate to the game library, select the game, then add-ons/DLC for the game and make sure that the relevant files show as being downloaded locally. The DLC is titled MELANDER C3 G13 Special Customization “TENDERFOOT”.

Next, head in-game, and complete the very first mission in the first chapter, and defeat your first boss. After that, you can access the AC Garage, and then navigate to the AC Design section. Here, under the Assembly menu, you should be able to find each of the four parts under their relevant tab in the Frame sub-section, allowing you to customize your Armored Core loadout to your heart’s content with your new Armored Core 6 pre-order bonus content.

What Are The Parts In The AC6 Melander Set?

There are just four parts to be gained from the pre-order bonus set, all for the frame:

  • Head: HD-012 Melander C3
  • Core: BD-012 Melander C3
  • Arms: AR-012 Melander C3
  • Legs: LG-012 Melander C3

They offer a fair improvement over the default Frame parts that you begin the game with. Additionally, there is an emblem and a decal in the Melander set which can be found in the Decals menu under AC Design.

And that is everything you need to know about claiming your Armored Core 6 pre-order bonuses. Check out our coverage of another great game that was released this August: Madden NFL 24.

The 40 Most Shocking Moments in Gaming History

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

For as long as there have been video games, there have been video game controversies. Today we’ll look back at 40 of the most shocking moments in video game history, dating back nearly 50 years! 

 

‘Pong’ sweeps the nation (1975)

The home version of the influential game became a must have item that most people loved, with the exception of a handful of gamers that criticized its frame rate.

‘E.T.’ Atari game crashes and burns (1982)

Not only was this game’s negative reception infamous, with lasting ramifications to the video game industry, but less reported on is the damage the debacle did to E.T.’s career. His planned sitcom was retooled and given to an unknown up-and-comer we all now know as ALF.

Dig Dug outrages parents (1982)

Years before Doom or Grand Theft Auto, groups of parents all over the country banded together to blame this arcade classic for the series of underground tunnels they’d been discovering in their backyards and gardens. Moles and gophers were largely found to be responsible, but the game never escaped its tarnished reputation. 

‘Ms. Pac-Man’ Revealed (1982)

A lot of gamers were furious at the inclusion of a playable female protagonist, and I wish I could tell you a lot of them have calmed down since then. 

Toad busts your balls (1985)

While it may seem a bit primitive by today’s standards, Super Mario Bros. displayed a wonderful cast of characters in addition to groundbreaking gameplay. Gaming’s ultimate shit-stirrer, Toad, makes his debut here, completely breaking your balls about which castle the princess isn’t in, when you get the feeling he could just tell you any old time. Players had never seen anything like it.  

Samus reveals that she’s hot (1986)

Upon beating the original Metroid, players were amazed to discover they’d been playing as a total babe the whole time!

Nintendo employee begins leaking latest rumors and projects to his grade school nephew (1987)

The leak, long thought to be fraudulent, has been blamed by Nintendo for over 1 billion dollars in lost revenue over the years.

Super Mario Bros. 2 lets you fight and defeat God (1988)

The shocking tonal departure from the beloved original was blamed on the fact that the game was actually a reskinned version of a Japanese game called Doki Doki God Slayer.

Power Glove recalled (1990)

Decades before the Wii, Nintendo introduced this wildly popular motion controlled peripheral that let players control games with the movements of their hand. Sadly, a swift backlash ensued once parents discovered that most games used the jerking off motion as a way to pause the action. 

John Madden quits coaching to start making video games (1991)

He somehow still found the time to announce football games, but come on, he was never going to make all three work once he got into programming. 

Mortal Kombat introduces fatalities (1992)

“It came to me one night at a bar when I saw a man pull another guy’s spine out of his body,” said co-creator Ed Boon. 

Nintendo admits to animal testing while developing ‘Star Fox’ (1993)

“We learned a lot of things that definitely helped push gaming forward,” said director Katsuya Eguchi. “But we killed way too many foxes along the way. It’s just inexcusable.”

‘Doom’ inspires waves of copycat chainsaw violence (1993)

The cafeterias and playgrounds of 1993 were an absolute bloodbath thanks to the inclusion of a chainsaw in the wildly popular and influential game.

Sonic announces first pregnancy hiatus (1994)

Following Sonic & Knuckles, Sonic announced that he was taking time off to have his first child. While shocking at the time, Sonic has gone on to successfully parent dozens of children while remaining a popular figure in gaming.

‘Boogerman’ squanders momentum (1994)

Everyone loved Boogerman, and he was poised to be one of the greats alongside Mario and Sonic, until players got to the end of the game and heard his bizarre and controversial political rant, wherein he made clear his wildly hateful views. You blew it, Boogerman. 

‘Street Fighter’ movie makes 14 dollars on opening weekend (1994)

Adjusted for inflation those 14 dollars equate to nearly 30 bucks today, putting Street Fighter’s debut near the recent opening of DC’s Blue Beetle.

Resident Evil proves that video games can have bad voice acting too (1996)

A landmark achievement in getting games to be considered as seriously as film or television.

PaRappa the Rappa briefly unites rap world (1997)

While the East Coast/West Coast hip hop conflict was fully raging, all parties involved held a peaceful summit and agreed that the rapping dog had to go.

‘Gran Turismo’ is a runaway success (1997)

For years, critics of the video game industry said they’d never have the cultural influence to affect the world. That was obviously before the Gearbox Ratio phenomenon of 1997, inspired by this wildly popular street racing simulator.

‘Diablo’ upsets parents (1997 – present)

The Diablo franchise has historically upset parents and religious groups with the release of every major installment, largely due to its shockingly realistic portrayal of the southwestern United States. 

Pages: 1 2

Every Katamari Cousin Ranked by How Comfortable We’d Be Adding Them on Social Media

Posted on by Kevin Podas

Social media is weird, we all know that. And our connections that we have with family members on there makes it all the weirder. We are simply more comfortable with certain relatives seeing our posts online than others, so here are all of the Katamari cousins ranked by how comfortable we’d feel about connecting with them online.

#58 — Ace

Ace hates “modernity” and wants to return to “tradition”. I posted a picture of my cat once on Instagram, and Ace commented “you should have kids by now, not pets.” Thanks man, aren’t you getting divorced or something?

#57 — Fujio

Fujio is a total narc. One time in college I was tagged in a photo on Facebook where I was holding a red Solo cup at some party. Lo and behold, I got a call from my parents the next day because Fujio told them immediately. He doesn’t even know what was in that cup. I mean, it was alcohol, and I was underrage, but still. Be cool, Fujio!

#56 — Kenta

Is that The Prince? Oh, no, it’s just Kenta, who looks exactly like The Prince except with four legs, which he will quickly remind you about at absolutely every chance he gets because he’s totally self-absorbed. He’ll make every online interaction all about him, and then will blame it on his BPD when someone gets upset at him for it.

#55 — Drive

You know all those conservative rant vlogs that are filmed from the inside of a pickup truck? Drive doesn’t need to film in the truck, he is the truck, and he’s got a lot of awful things to say about the “woke mind virus,” as he so plainly puts it.

#54 — Signolo

All Signolo knows is either swipe left or swipe right. He’s the physical embodiment of a dating app. If you ever post a picture of a female friend on social media, Signolo will be there to make some uncomfortable “swipe right!” comment, guaranteed.

#53 — Norn

One time I was trying to sell an old TV on Facebook Marketplace and Norn reported it for absolutely no reason. I never found out why, and it’s still bothering me.

#52 — Paula

God, Paula is so judgemental. She was born into wealth, and has the gall to be one of those “pull yourselves up by your bootstraps” kind of people online, despite the fact that her parents pay the rent for her apartment in Silverlake.

#51 — Kuro

Kuro really just likes to keep to himself. I invited him to a few parties on Facebook a while back, and he just removed me as a friend all of a sudden. Sorry I tried to include you, Kuro. Don’t worry, it won’t happen again.

#50 — June

Have you ever made a joke on Twitter, for everyone to get it except for one person? That’s June, every time. “Not funny. I don’t get it.” I don’t know what to tell you, June. Thanks for the feedback, I guess.

#49 — Johnson

God damn it, don’t even get me started on Johnson. He’s always making super uncomfortable jokes about what his head is shaped like, and is probably going to be outed as some kind of sex creep at some point. Best to just distance yourself from him now.

#48 — Kyun

Kyun is a model, and she really acts like one, too. One time I posted a selfie that I thought looked pretty good, and she just commented “lol”. Thanks a lot, Kyun. That ruined my whole day.

#47 — Sherman

I had one funny back-and-forth with Sherman on Twitter, and now he’s hitting me up at least once a month with “dude, we should start a podcast together”. “Yeah man that would be fun, lol, kinda busy atm but we’ll see.” Dude just doesn’t… get… the hint.

#46 — Slip

Slip is really two-dimensional. Obviously his appearance too but like, it’s also his personality, which, just because you’re flat doesn’t mean our interactions have to be too. He’s quick to state the obvious on anything you post which always makes things really awkward and stilted.

#45 — Shy

Shy is always vague-posting on social media late at night. You check up on her, and she’s just like “oh I’m fine, those were just song lyrics.” Well thanks Shy, you had us all worried. If something really happens, now we’ll never know!

#44 — Velvet

Velvet is a job recruiter and, despite the fact that I’ve posted on LinkedIn several times that I am actively looking for work, she never reaches out. Come on Velvet, throw me a line, please. Isn’t family supposed to help each other out?

#43 — Odeko

I am so tired of being called a manlet by this guy. He thinks he’s such a chad just because his head is extremely tall and narrow, but he has no personality to match it. Whatever man, I’m not the soyboy– you are.

#42 — Nik

Nik is the physical manifestation of “um, actually”. He’s quick to tell you how wrong you are constantly, and always corrects me over the most minor of grievances. Did I forget the exact year that Citizen Kane came out? Yes. Do I need Nik in my replies correcting me on it? No, not really!

#41 — Opeo

“Guess who’s in the hospital again? Yep, it’s me…” Opeo is constantly farming for sympathy likes, and it stopped being “cute” forever ago. Being incredibly accident-prone is not a substitute for a personality, dude. Be more careful and keep this kind of stuff to yourself.

#40 — Pokkle

Pokkle is always commenting about how much better everything is in his home country, but never specifies exactly where that is. I posted some pictures from a fun day out at a theme park recently, and sure enough, Pokkle was there in the replies:  “Oh we have way better ones back home.” That’s cool, Pokkle. And where exactly is that, again?

#39 — Harvest

Bless her soul, Harvest really is just trying her best, but she’s fallen prey to several MLM scams online. All of her posts are just shilling some mysterious product from a company no one has ever heard of. I’m afraid to even click on her profile because I might get a virus.

Pages: 1 2 3

Game Freak Reveals Poké Dolls Are Actually Taxidermies

Posted on by Naomi Krause

TOKYO — Game Freak revealed today in a press release that the in-game items in Pokémon known as “Poké Dolls” are actually canonically taxidermies.

“Yes, of course. People didn’t know this? The Poké Dolls in every Pokémon game are taxidermies — dead Pokémon that were preserved with stuffing for display. Every time you use a Poké Doll, you’re using a Pokémon that was once a living, breathing creature. Many of them were close friends with trainers, even!” said Pokémon creator Satoshi Tajiri. “I’m honestly surprised that people didn’t realize this. What, did you think someone just made a doll from thin air? No, they take the carcasses of dead Pokémon — often the ones you’ve defeated in battle, but could not be revived — and stuff them into what your character uses. Why did you think that they help you escape a battle? Because they’re cute? No, they’re really really creepy and weird! That’s the whole point.”

Fans of the series were upset by the announcement.

“Why did they have to reveal this? I don’t want to have an item that’s a dead Pokémon. What the fuck?” asked one Redditor. “How come every time Game Freak shows up with some big announcement about the games, it’s some insane shit that no one wants. Why couldn’t they announce something like a Pokémon MMO or even just a game that has voice acting in it. Instead, it’s always something like, ‘hey by the way, the series you’ve loved your entire life is kind of a horror if you think about it.’ I don’t want to think about that! I just want the games to keep getting better and I want to post drawings I’ve made of the characters online and that’s IT.”

At press time, Game Freak also revealed that, while none of the trainers you battle with are literally dead, most of them are dead inside.

Local Man Decides to Be Incel

Posted on by Jacques Mouledoux

CLEVELAND — Local man Nathan Bowen has reportedly decided to become an incel, according to those familiar with the situation.

“I’ve been doing a lot of research and I think I would be a great fit with the incel community. That’s why I’ve decided today to become involuntarily celibate. And I’m proud to say that this, like all things, is the fault of women,” Bowen explained.

“It’s very tough being unable to have sex no matter what I do, but it’s now a major part of my personality and it’s important to me to stick with my community,” Bowen added. “Now that I’m an incel, all these fucking Chads and Beckys are out here trying to ruin my life simply because no one is willing to have sex with me. I hate my goddamn life now! Life is now a series of oppressions all because I’m too fucking ugly and stupid to be a functioning member of society! AGHH!!!”

Those close to Bowen have tried to convince him not to become an incel.

“I really really really hate this for him,” said Bowen’s longtime girlfriend Natalia Romero. “He isn’t involuntarily celibate if he’s choosing to become that! It’s so goddamn stupid.”

“He always does stuff like this where he gets really into something for a while. Last year it was Dungeons and Dragons, and before that it was reading the Wikipedia pages of famous tragedies. But this is easily the worst of his obsessions. I mean are we not even allowed to have sex anymore? And he’s mad at me all the time? How the fuck does this work?!” Romero asked. “I’m tempted to break up with him over this, but that’s just gonna add fire to the incel flame.”

At press time, Bowen denied any allegations that he is actually a volcel, explaining that he identifies closely with the incel community and no other celibate groups.

What Is the Most Popular Video Game Character in Each State?

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

While many video game characters are beloved all over the world, it’s always interesting to see which ones become local favorites in different regions and cultures. Today we’ll take a look at what we’ve determined are the most popular video game characters in each state of the US. 

Alabama: Yoshi 

Most residents of Alabama think that dinosaurs were made up by the liberal media, so the sheltered children of Alabama lose their minds over Yoshi. They’ve never seen anything like it.

Alaska: Sub-Zero (Mortal Kombat)

The man is a national treasure in Alaska, due to his mastery of the cold. They have statues, parks, streets, all kinds of things dedicated to him. They elected a guy dressed as Sub-Zero mayor of Anchorage one time until it turned out he was a huge weirdo.

Arizona: Mario

Arizona is just straight up one of the fire levels from a Mario game, so it makes sense that the most iconic video game character of all time would hold a little more appeal there. We’ll probably see the same thing when the first few states go underwater.

Arkansas: Sonic the Hedgehog

What? You thought I would do some redneck joke or something? Sorry pal, this is a serious list, and they just have good damn taste in Arkansas. And yes, a minor preoccupation with seeing Sonic experience pregnancy.

California: Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

While everyone in the flyover was putting pictures of Lara Croft’s boobs up on their locker, everyone in California just thought it was really cool to just see an average ol’ person be the star of a series of action games.

Colorado: PaRappa the Rappa

What can I say? They’re nuts about this dog’s positive vibes and bulletproof rapping ability up there in Weed Country.

Connecticut: Link (The Legend of Zelda)

The quiet people of Connecticut insist that it is better to be seen and not heard. For this reason, they kneel at the altar of Link, perhaps the greatest silent protagonist of all time. Going through Connecticut, you may hear the occasional “hiya!” or “heh!” but you will rarely hear a single word uttered.

Delaware: Unaltered Default Mii (Nintendo Wii)

Oh, Delaware. Everything is just too exciting for you. I hope you find what you’re looking for one day.

Florida: Tommy Vercetti (Grand Theft Auto: Vice City)

You’ve heard of The American Dream? Well, the drug-and-murder fueled saga of Tommy Vercetti is note-for-note what they call ‘The Florida Dream.’

Georgia: Bayonetta 

I, uh… look. These are very fun games. They must really like playing the Bayonetta games in Georgia. Don’t you think that’s what’s going on here?

Hawaii: Crash Bandicoot 

A longstanding and surprisingly convincing urban legend has convinced many residents of Hawaii that the mainland United States actually does contain bandicoots that wear jeans, thus explaining Hawaii’s Crash Bandicoot fascination. 

Idaho: Lewis (Stardew Valley)

This Stardew Valley mayor is Elvis, Michael Jordan, and Leonardo DiCaprio all rolled into one to the fine people of Idaho. You’ll find all kinds of tributes to Lewis when you’re in Idaho, from murals to tattoos to month-long festivals.

Illinois: Michael Jordan (Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City)

Okay, this is bizarre. They don’t like that game, they just like Michael Jordan, right? They put him in basketball games and stuff too ya know? You guys could’ve voted for NBA2K23 or something instead of this. Weird as hell.

Indiana: Indiana Jones (LEGO Indiana Jones)

That’s just his first name, you absolute dorks. Indiana Jones would fly his red-line ass over Indiana before he ever set foot in it. 

Iowa: Edgeworth (Phoenix Wright)

My buddy Parker lives in Iowa and he said Edgeworth, so if you have a problem with this, you really need to take it up with Parker. I don’t know what else to tell you.

Kansas: Doom Guy (Doom)

The state of Kansas was born from the conflict known as Bleeding Kansas, and since those days, Doom Guy has always been a sort of icon for its people. Because who is John Brown if not the Doom Guy of his time? And no, they don’t say “Doom Slayer.”

Kentucky: Kirby 

Not what I would have chosen, but what can I say? Kentucky sucks.

Louisiana: Ecco the Dolphin

This former SEGA mascot has proven so popular in the urban lore of The Bayou that the locals make a pretty penny on tourists by way of their ‘Ecco tours.’ That’s not Ecco the Dolphin that guy shined a flashlight on over there. That’s just a really big catfish.

Maine: Duke Nukem

You won’t believe me, but they’re still really into Duke Nukem in Maine. It’s the weirdest thing. They think he’s so funny. What’s going on, Maine?

Maryland: Gordon Freeman (Half-Life)

The Half-Life games are masterpieces through and through, but we suspect the reason Gordon pulls ahead of the pack in Maryland is the escapism evident in the most plain, normal looking guy you’ve ever seen given some interruptions to his boring life. Keep dreaming, Maryland.

Pages: 1 2 3

JRPG Character Insists There’s Nothing Weird About Having Biblical Name

Posted on by Liam O'Malley

THE FORGOTTEN LANDS — Japanese roleplaying game character Saraqael keeps insisting to party members that there’s nothing weird about his name.

“Look, it’s just a name. It’s not a big deal or anything. I have absolutely no intention of turning into a giant purple dragon who cackles to himself while monologuing about the destruction I intend to bring to the world,” Saraqael insisted, sharpening the legendary Blade of the Damned, which was gifted to him by his mysterious uncle. “I’ve never even heard of whatever a ‘bible’ is, let alone the fallen archangel watcher who lusted after the daughters of men. That sounds made up. I’m just a normal guy like everybody else. I like hanging out with my friends, wearing belts all over my body, and muttering about the bloodlust I feel when I think about what happened to my family. So just drop it.”

Despite the character’s insistence, other members of the party were not convinced.

“I mean look at us. We’ve got Joey, Frank, Kayla, Renee, and Saraqael. That’s a little weird, right?” asked the party’s mage, Toby. “Pretty much everyone I’ve ever met who turned out to be super evil had a really weird long name like that and loved the church. Azazel, Netzach, Barachiel, Zadkiel, etc. All those guys ended up being evil dicks.”

“And guess what? Saraqael loves the church! He’s always hanging out there, doing weird shit none of us really know about,” Toby added. “I get that he’s upset about what happened to his family, considering they were slaughtered years ago by the rebel forces we’re aligned with, but that really seems like a him problem? I mean that was literally 10 years ago.”

At press time, Saraqael announced plans to turn into a giant evil dragon.

Stay Updated on The Latest Punk News

Get the latest punk news delivered straight to your inbox

We'll store and process this information to provide you our products and services. You may opt out of this at any time.