The Pistol or Handgun class is challenging to get a longshot within Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. Due to a number of factors, these guns tend not to have the greatest optics to choose from. Additionally, they aren’t meant for long-range combat, but rather close-range.
As for longshots, you might be familiar with these if you played Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. They can be challenging to get, as a kill only qualifies as a longshot from a certain distance. With that being said, let’s dive into the longshot requirements for Pistols and Handguns in MW3.
How to Get Pistol Longshot in MW3
For a gun in the Pistol or Handgun class to qualify as a longshot, it must be from at least 20 meters. This only goes for the above classes, as each class has a different longshot distance requirement. Generally, the game is generous with shorter-range weapons having shorter longshot distances and vice versa.
You should look at getting these longshot kills with a pistol like the Basilisk or TYR. These revolvers offer more damage and can kill with a headshot, even at a longshot distance. The lighter machine pistols are much more tricky to get kills at long-range with, as the spread is noticeably bad.
Best Place to Get Longshots
As for the best places in the game to get longshots, we recommend smaller MW3 multiplayer maps for this class. Since the requirement is only 20 meters, it shouldn’t be too difficult to shoot enemies with a pistol. Additionally, both the pre-game Warzone 2 lobby and the MW3 Zombies mode are great alternatives if you aren’t finding success with the multiplayer side of things.
Longshots offer a variety of rewards, including new customization items, camos, and challenges. After you unlock these by getting longshots, check out how to equip new loading screens in the latest CoD title!
HOLLYWOOD — It was reported that Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul actor Giancarlo Esposito had been posing for photographs while holding memorabilia from some sort of geek thing.
“He’s just having some fun I guess,” said Esposito’s talent agent Tim Gerkins. “People like to meet him at conventions, and for whatever reason they usually ask him to hold some kind of toy or plush doll when they get their picture taken. I don’t get it, and neither does he I don’t think, but again, it’s all in good fun. I hope.”
Fans expressed gratitude for Esposito’s hospitality.
“I thought he was gonna be all stern and creepy, like his character Gus Fring,” said Samantha Thomas, a cosplayer. “But he’s actually really nice in person! My friends and I had him take pictures with us while holding plushies from Chainsaw Man and Five Nights at Freddy’s. He said that was so awesome.”
Esposito himself weighed in on the discussion.
“I think people are just happy to see me, and I am happy to see them,” explained Esposito. “No, I don’t know what any of this stuff is, but for some reason people want me to hold their little dollies when we get our picture taken.”
At press time, Giancarlo Esposito was seen stomping around the set of The Boys while wearing his big red Astro Boy boots.
A wrestler’s gimmick is their connection to the audience. With over 30 years in the wrestling business, Chris Jericho has been a master at reinventing his image and compelling the crowd. His band Fozzy, however, not so much. Despite being the only band that has lasted beyond that weird phase of wrestlers releasing their own music, we have not listened to a single Fozzy song in its entirety. Chris Jericho may never see his music on anyone’s Spotify wrapped, but on this list he’ll see his gimmicks ranked by how much they made us consider listening to a single Fozzy song in its entirety.
#16 Super Liger
Being the nemesis of Jyushin Thunder Liger by having an alternate attire version of him is funny, but not enough to make me want to listen to Chris Jericho’s music career. Jericho had troubles seeing through the mask and as a result, botched multiple moves in his debut match. We’re not wearing a mask and we have trouble seeing a reason to listen to Fozzy.
#15 Cowboy Chris Jericho
Did you know Chris Jericho had a cowboy gimmick? We googled if Canada had cowboys and it’s true, it’s damn true. So much for the rant we had about cultural appropriation and a John Wayne America First joke.
Still, no Fozzy for us unless it’s an entrance song.
#14 Painmaker
In a hypothetical deathmatch between Painmaker Chris Jericho and Art the Clown, Art would turn this into a shoot and actually murder Painmaker. We are saddened that his cameo in Terrifer 2 did not include this. We have reached out to Damien Leone to prevent Fozzy from being on the next film.
#13 Rockstar Chris Jericho
He self-inserts Fozzy into his character and has a Battle of The Bands against John Cena rapping and we’re still not turning it on. In true heel fashion, Chris Jericho pulls out of the Battle of The Bands and does not perform as the crowd boos him mercilessly. I do the same thing when Fozzy comes on even if I’m home alone.
#12 JeriShow
Our nostalgia wore off during the attempted JeriShow reunion in AEW. No matter how long he keeps doing it we have no nostalgia for Fozzy.
#11 Undisputed Champion
Despite having both world titles, his run didn’t fully blossom in a way we’d appreciate. This is what’s known as a “transitional champion.” Much like we are transitioning to another band after pressing skip when Fozzy comes on.
#10 The Best In The World At What He Does
He was the “best in the world” before CM Punk, and thought that could be the angle of their big feud “best in the world vs best in the world.” Good idea. But there’s no angle that’s getting us to listen to Fozzy.
#9 Y2J
Break The Walls Down is such a good theme song, and so was this era of Chris Jericho. Not good enough to convince me to turn on Fozzy though.
#8 The Golden Jets
Not even Kenny Omega can convince us to give Fozzy a try. We’re going to just go watch him be an accessory to racial violence in Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon Remix instead.
#7 Jericho Appreciation Society
We asked Sammy Guevara if he enjoyed Fozzy and he just talked about how AEW Fight Forever should have a dating sim DLC.
#6 Thrillseeker
Maybe if Jim Cornette was a record executive he’d pushed Fozzy to greater heights, like convincing me to even give a two or three song try. But he isn’t and I won’t.
#5 Lionheart
Fozzy does not have a song named after this gimmick. This is disappointing. Almost as disappointing as learning there is a Fozzy cover of Black Sabbath’s Fairies Wear Boots that we are trying so hard to resist. Damn ok, maybe I’ll give Fozzy a listen.
#4 Le Champion
Don’t ask Chris Jericho about where his wife was on January 6th. He sent Suit Jericho after us with a cease and desist.
#3 The Best In The World At What He Does Jericho (Again, But Just For His Suits)
He’d sue us for slander for putting him at number three, despite being on this list twice. Settling out of court by buying a copy of All That Remains is a viable option here. Due to a loophole in our NDA, we can say Heff Jardy wouldn’t do this to us. Suit Jericho, we have no more words.
#2 The List of Chris Jericho
We don’t want to be on The List. Our website is already on a government watchlist and we are on thin ice. Suit Jericho found our list and now we’re going to be on his. Please Jericho, don’t put us on the list! Ok ok ok fine we’ll listen to Fozzy! You’re one of the GOATs, we’ll listen to Fozzy!
#1 The Man of 1004 Holds
1004 holds mastered in your mid-twenties? None of us want to be placed in the Saskatchewan Spinning Nerve Hold, the armbar, the armdrag, the armbar again (but differently, we swear), the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Cradunzle, or deal with Suit Jericho and The List. Bravo Chris Jericho, you have intimidated us to listen to Fozzy.
Editor’s Note: Hold #10 is a right-hand punch. This makes Chris Jericho a liar and The Man of 1003 Holds. We feel deceived and are revoking our promise to listen to Fozzy.
HOLLYWOOD — Hit TV series The Bear has officially been renewed for season 3. With both the WGA strike and SAG-AFTRA strike coming to an end, those involved have finally been able to answer audience questions about the future of the series. Conversations have mostly centered on whether you need to catch up on the Marvel movies and Disney Plus shows to follow the new season.
“Why am I even clarifying this?” stated executive producer and series creator, Christopher Storer. “This is our third season. We’re a show about a sandwich shop in Chicago. Why would someone think they need to know everything about some norse god fucking around with time and space to understand the struggles of opening a restaurant?”
Questions sparked following a recent press release from Marvel Studios announcing all Disney-owned network and streaming shows will be joining the MCU. This includes Disney Channel, ABC, National Geographic, ESPN, FX, and Hulu originals.
“We’re thrilled to announce Jeremey Allen White will be joining the MCU,” said Kevin Feige, President of Marvel Studios, in a press release. “He’ll be portraying the beloved new hero, ‘The Bear’—a Chicagoan heartthrob with the power to become physically ill when feeling anxious.”
“I didn’t really care either way about being part of Marvel, but now they got me I guess” mumbled Jeremy Allen White, star of The Bear, while avoiding eye contact. “A story about me has been circulating. A while back, I met with Marvel and I guess I had a bit of an attitude because they told me to fuck off. But then the other day I woke up to an email from Kevin that just said ‘Fuck you, you’re mine.’”
At press time, leaked images surfaced on Twitter of presumably an upcoming season 3 Christmas episode. The screenshots include Jeremy Allen White alongside John Mulaney, Bob Odenkirk, and Rocket Racoon.
NEW PALTZ, N.Y. — 29-year old PC gamer, Lilly Alvarez, announced she is almost ready to lock in her character for her first playthrough of the critically acclaimed RPG, Baldur’s Gate 3. Alvarez first purchased the dungeon crawler on its release date of August 3rd of this year and has 80 hours already logged to its menus.
“I’m such a D&D nerd and I feel like I’ve been waiting all my life for a game like this,” said Alvarez while hovering her mouse over the continue button on the character creation page. “I just want to make sure my hero is perfect. I already know I’m going to romance Astarion so I probably shouldn’t be a rogue. Maybe a spellcaster then? I think I’ll definitely play a tiefling though. I hear they’re a big part of act one. Gotta be a tiefling. Or maybe a drow.”
While many players have already begun and finished second and third playthroughs, Alvarez insists on making her first Tav perfect before unleashing it upon the Nautiloid.
“I’m not sure if I prefer a Greying Intensity of 41 or 42. Hmm. Decisions, decisions…” Alvarez mumbled to herself before humming along to Down by the River.
At press time, Alvarez finally hit ‘Proceed’ to be greeted by the guardian character creator and has confirmed she’ll only spend a few more months there before venturing forth.
WICHITA, Kan. — In a startling turn of events, cartoon pies left to cool on window sills were now instead heating up due to the effects of climate change.
“This is a very inconvenient fact,” explained former US vice president Al Gore. “Cartoon grandmothers everywhere are leaving their pies on window sills to cool, occasionally drawing in a hungry bandit every now and then. Now, these pies are far too hot to steal, and it’s all thanks to changes in the ozone layer.”
The news was a disappointment to many.
“Usually I’d steal one of the pies off of Mrs. Wilson’s window sill– just to fuck with Mr. Wilson, of course,” explained Dennis Mitchell, neighborhood menace. “Now, these pies are too hot and too dangerous to scamper off with. ‘Least that’s what my pops tells me.”
The evidence purported has driven some to become environmental activists.
“It’s despicable, I tells ya,” said Daffy Duck. “Every once in a while, there’s a ghostly hand that appears from the pie, ushering you in, sometimes even picking you up by the tail to invite you over to have a taste. Well, by 2030 that’s all gonna be a thing of the past. So for now, I’m handing out flyers to educate people of this tragedy, to let them know we could very well wind up living in a future that is pie-less.”
At press time, a republican senator tried to prove that climate change wasn’t real by eating a fresh pie on the Senate floor, burning his mouth in the process.
Struggling to find the right style for your body type as a Balrog living in the dark, damp mines of Moria? Been there, done that. So look no further — this handy guide will help you dress to impress! You deserve to feel confident whether you’re dueling Gandalf “Miss Thing” the Grey, laying low in the Misty Mountains, or simply watching the goblin girlies flee at your presence. It’s time to reach your full potential and serve looks at every twist and turn, honey!
Always Make A Statement
It’s easy to go unnoticed as a demon slumbering amongst the ancient ruins of a once-mighty Dwarven kingdom. Let’s face it, you’re consistently surrounded by black smoke and shadows, so your first focus should be on a wardrobe that stands out. You encapsulate power and terror, so dress like it, babes! Don’t be afraid to sport the bones of your enemies with a cute statement necklace or fashion the flesh of the undead into a trendy pair of ballet flats.
Work With What You’ve Got
When you’re attempting to dress a beefy bod that’s twice the height of men or elves, it can seem completely hopeless fitting into a pair of skinny jeans. Especially when you’ve been lying dormant for 5,000 years! Instead of constricting and unflattering pieces that may or may not fit after a few millennia, try more forgiving items like ponchos or wrap dresses made of hides and sinew. Remember, you’ve still got a tight tush even if the last time you visited a gym was a few hundred centuries ago.
Choose An Appropriate Color Palette
You’ve been described as having luscious golden locks that look like a “streaming mane set ablaze.” This is what everyone else is trying (and failing) to achieve at the salon for $400 or more. Paired with your yellow eyes and red tongue, these dramatic features will pop with gold and silver accents. Good news—precious metals will be easy for you to find since you’ve been girlboss gatekeeping priceless mithril in the mines of Moria for thousands of years! Love this for you!
Accessorize To Your Heart’s Desire!
You might think a fiery whip is just too extra. WRONG! Whips and swords enveloped in flames have been seen all over the runway this season, and you’re gonna be the style icon who uses them for both form and function. Go off, Middle-Earth Chloe Sevigney!! I see you on the cover of Teen Shire. Consider dipping your accessory handles in orc’s blood for a bright blue glow that lets everyone in the club know, “I won’t ever stop poppin’ this Balrog-ussy!”
Save The Planet With Eco-Friendly Fashion
Bald is beautiful, and so is Gollum. This former hobbit can teach us a LOT about sustainable fashion. Yes, he might only be wearing a tiny piece of cloth from an old potato sack to cover his shriveled “eye of Sauron” and yes, he might be talking to himself in the shadows, but this decrepit queen is at the height of her reduce-reuse-recycle era. Instead of falling victim to fast fashion, this diva sticks to a capsule wardrobe that lasts for centuries. Okay, so a bob and a spray tan would do Gollum wonders, but we have to admire him for his conscious fashion choices. Try following in his footsteps by repurposing discarded Dwarf robes into a chic summer scarf or bonnet. Just make sure you don’t start referring to yourself in the third person, or bludgeoning passersby with blunt objects because they just “looks like they wantses our ring.”
No Horizontal Stripes
This advice is as old as Treebeard the Ent, but listen, if you want to snag a zaddy like Aragorn, you’re going to have to ditch the horizontal stripes. We don’t want anyone mistaking a bodacious Balrog like yourself for some common town troll. Instead, opt for patterns and bold colors—we suggest taking notes from literally any Elf. These hot and horny, bi-curious babes are always fashion forward, and you wouldn’t catch any of them of DEAD in horizontal stripes. Think about it—they’re rocking jewel tones, paisley, and fur like they invented it. And yes, they might be wearing something from 4,000 years ago, but you know it’s going to slay for 4,000 more.
Stay Vacation Ready
We know you’ll eventually be taking a much-needed vacay to Rivendell with your master, macho man-Morgoth, and we’re gonna make sure you’re dressed for the occasion! This place is Middle-Earth’s version of Greece, so there’s no playing around—you’re gonna need a one piece bathing suit and a bigass floppy hat that says “I just did a baby foreskin facial.” You are gonna LOVE the waterfalls, lush forest, and 5-star white linen bed sheets that people seem to wake up in after being attacked by Shaq-sized spiders.
Don’t Forget to Bring The Confidence
“You shall not pass?” More like, “You shall not pass that *ss up!” These style tips truly say, “I’m not just a balrog—I’m that b1tch!” So polish those horns and swipe on some lip gloss, miss musty dusty! It’s your time to shine.
REDWOOD CITY, Calif. — Staff at Electronic Arts are reportedly anticipating layoffs after the company reported strong financials during the first quarter of the fiscal year, anxious employees confirmed.
“I heard the higher-ups were bragging about the company’s performance in the last quarter,” said Megan Harper, a senior developer in the EA Sports division. “We all know what comes after that: they’ll turn around and tell us working chumps that times are tough, and we all have to tighten our belts. The word “inflation” will be repeated until it sounds like gibberish. All of that adds up to me looking for a new job in a few months. Then the execs will increase their own compensation and give themselves bigger bonuses. The weird part is that this also happens after a weak quarter. I should have gone to business school.”
Andrew Wilson, the CEO of EA, says that the company’s excellent performance has no bearing on any potential upcoming staffing changes.
“Sure, I just informed our investors that we’ve brought in a truly astounding amount of revenue this quarter,” said Wilson. “That’s absolutely true. If I go on to tell our employees that difficult times are ahead, and we need to cut weight and become more agile, that’s not a contradiction. It’s not a lie, either. Times will be tough for all of those developers once they’re out of work. They should really try to become more agile.”
Financial analyst Michael Gorman said this type of cycle is natural to the gaming industry.
“Of course, it’s all standard practice,” said Gorman. “Whether you’ve had a terrible quarter, mediocre quarter, or made record profits, the next step is to lay off a huge chunk of your staff. If things were bad, then obviously they were to blame. If things were great, then they’re just a bunch of worthless leeches who are unfairly sucking up money that could be going towards buying yourself a new yacht. It always works out great — just look at how well Konami has done since they got rid of all of their dead weight.”
At press time, Andrew Wilson was seen rubbing chili powder into his eyes before starting a company-wide video call.
The lean mechanic can be incredibly useful in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. Sometimes, aiming at a target at close range is easier when you’re not aiming down the sights. This feature offers you that ability by allowing you to lean with your gun instead of the traditional aim down the sights. With that being said, here is everything you need to know about the lean mechanic & how to use it in MW3.
How to Lean in Call of Duty MW3
This ability is quite easy to use. First, you need to equip your weapon with a Canted Laser attachment. After doing so, your operator will automatically lean to the side when aiming in MW3. There isn’t a specific button to use this. Instead, it will naturally move as you walk around each map with your player character. Remember that this attachment and ability will make your laser visible to all enemies on the map. Additionally, you won’t be able to use any Optic attachments with a Canted Laser.
There’s also the Wall Mount. Here, find any wall and press the button indicated to lean to the side of the wall. You can really get a good angle on enemies this way. The above rules don’t apply here, as you do not need a laser to perform this.
How to Use Tactical Stance
Sometimes, aiming at a target at close range is easier when you’re not aiming down the sights. The Tactical Stance feature can be easily confused with the Lean mechanic, especially since both involve leaning your weapon. The key difference is that Tactical Stance offers you that ability by allowing you to lean with your gun instead of the traditional aim down the sights. Tactical Stance can be activated by pressing the key bind found under the weapon logo. This is in the bottom right of your screen; you will see a scope and titled angle logo.
This ability is advantageous in close-quarter situations where you want to trade off accuracy for higher ADS speed. When encountering an enemy in close quarters previously, you couldn’t do much with a 4X scope equipped on an Assault or Battle Rifle. Now, flip the Tactical Stance mode on, and you can have a much better chance to take down an enemy.
It’s important to make sure you’re getting the most out of your PC for a game like MW3. Be sure to check out our PC Performance Settings guide to ensure your game is running as smoothly as possible!
SAFFRON CITY — After numerous iterations and experimentations over the course of 27 years, Silph Co. has revealed that the Master Ball prototype is now complete and will soon be available to the general public.
“We are pleased to announce that the Master Ball design has been fully completed,” said Silph Co. president Rodney Dexter. “No longer will trainers be required to whittle down Pokémon to their last sliver of health, paralyzing them, and putting them to sleep in order to capture them. No, the future is now one simple throw, and they will be under your command.”
Response to the announcement was divisive.
“At first I was like, ‘fuck yeah, that’s gonna make my job so much easier’,” said Ace Trainer Thomas. “And then they announced that price tag. Yikes. Not in my lifetime. I’ll wait until they lower it or another company makes a cheaper, slightly uglier version.”
Poké Marts around the world were prepared for the influx of customers.
“Midnight release for this thing is going to be insane,” said one manager of the department store in Celadon City. “I’ve already got people lining up outside, and it’s not even out for another two weeks! Must be nice to be a Pokémon trainer with nothing better to do. How do these guys make a living anyway? Is there some kind of tax write-off?”
At press time, scientists out of Cinnabar Island predict that legendary Pokémon will immediately go extinct once Master Balls are made affordable enough for the average consumer.
