Final Fantasy 7 Ever Crisis PC Guide: How to Play it On PC

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

Want to play Ever Crisis, the latest Final Fantasy 7 spinoff, on PC? Final Fantasy 7: Ever Crisis, the latest spin-off to the iconic Final Fantasy 7 is finally here, and if you’re wondering when and where you can play it, we’ve got you covered. This Final Fantasy VII: Ever Crisis guide will also walk you through how you can play this F2P mobile-exclusive game on PC, instead of a tiny smartphone screen.

When Does Final Fantasy VII: Ever Crisis Come Out?

The game is now playable across mobile devices! As of September 7, the game has been released on Google Play and the App Store. But, if you would rather play on a bigger screen with a more powerful device, how can you make it happen?

Can Final Fantasy 7: Ever Crisis Be Played On PC?

Can you play Final Fantasy 7 Ever Crisis on PC?

Not natively no, but through Android emulation, it can. Follow these steps to get Final Fantasy VII: Ever Crisis up and running on PC:

  1. Download BlueStacks 5 to your PC and install it.
  2. Run ‘BlueStacks multi-instance manager’, and click on ‘Instance’ in the bottom-left corner of the app.
  3. Select ‘Fresh instance’, then select ‘Nougat 64-bit’ from the “Choose Android Version” dropdown menu, then click Next.
  4. For the dropdown menus here, select:
    1. ‘High (4 Cores)’ for “CPU cores”.
    2. ‘Enhanced (4 GB)’ for “Memory allocation”.
    3. ‘Landscape’ and ‘1600 x 900’ for “Resolution”.
    4. ‘X86 & ARM’ for “ABI setting”.
    5. ‘High Performance’ for “Performance Mode”.
  5. Select the ‘240’ radio button for “DPI”, and click Create.
  6. Back on the main screen of the BlueStacks multi-instance manager, click ‘Start’ on your brand new Instance in the list.
  7. The initial boot will take some time to complete, and may even seem like it has stalled, but be patient.
  8. Once launched, go to ‘Settings’ in the bottom-right corner, and under ‘Graphics’ in the left menu, select:
    1. ‘Compatibility’ for “Graphics engine mode”.
    2. ‘DirectX’ for “Graphics renderer”.
    3. Click ‘Save Changes’.
  9. Under ‘Phone’ in the left menu, set “Choose a predefined profile” to ‘OnePlus 5’. Save Changes again.
  10. Reboot the app. It will load a lot faster this time.
  11. From within the instance, load the Play Store app, login and then proceed to download, install, and finally run Final Fantasy 7: Ever Crisis!

It’s also worth keeping an eye on the Google Play Games app for PC. There’s no support for Ever Crisis on the app yet, but perhaps it will come sometime in the future.

That’s everything there is to know about how to make Final Fantasy 7: Ever Crisis playable on PC. Check out our guide hub for another great JRPG, Sea of Stars.

Starfield Pre-Order Bonus Guide: How to Claim Pre-Order DLC

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

Looking to claim your Starfield pre-order bonus set? Bethesda Game Studios’ long-awaited Starfield is finally here, and players with early access are already deep into its massive universe. Pre-order players also received another bonus in the form of a cosmetic pack. But if you’re one of those who just can’t seem to figure out where to retrieve them, don’t worry we’ve got you covered with this Starfield guide.

How To Claim Starfield Pre-Order Bonus Pack

Begin by confirming that you have the actual DLC files on your particular platform of choice. Navigate to the game library, select the game, then add-ons/DLC for the game and make sure that the relevant files show as being downloaded locally. The DLC is titled Starfield: Old Mars Skin Pack.

Next, head in-game and complete the tutorial before embarking on the main questline. Once you arrive at The Lodge, you will gain access to the necessary Workbenches–Weapon and Spacesuit–that in turn allow you to apply the Old Mars skins to your gear.

What Is In The Starfield Pre-Order DLC?

The pack is entirely cosmetic, and consists of the following skins:

  • Old Mars Laser Cutter
  • Old Mars Deep Mining Space Helmet
  • Old Mars Deep Mining Pack

It’s important to note that this particular “Old Mars” skin pack can only be applied to the Laser Cutter weapon, and the Deep Mining armor set with the exclusion of the Spacesuit itself, sadly.

How To Claim Starfield Premium Bonus Pack

After claiming your pre-order bonus for Starfield, you can get your premium pack if you own a pricier edition of the game. Once again, confirm that you have the actual DLC files on your particular platform of choice. Navigate to the game library, select the game, then add-ons/DLC for the game and make sure that the relevant files show as being downloaded locally. The DLC is titled Starfield: Premium Edition Content.

Once in-game, complete the tutorial and proceed with the main questline until you are progressively rewarded with each of the three pieces comprising the Constellation set. Then use any available Spacesuit Workbench to apply the Constellation skins to each piece, while using a Weapon Workbench to apply it exclusively to the Equinox Laser Rifle.

What Is In The Starfield Premium Pack?

How to claim your pre-order bonus in Starfield.

Also a cosmetic pack, this DLC consists of the following skins:

  • Constellation Equinox Laser Rifle
  • Constellation Spacesuit
  • Constellation Space Helmet
  • Constellation Boostpack

Once again, the “Constellation” skins can only be applied to this particular Constellation armor set, and the Equinox Laser Rifle weapon.

Finally, if you’re wondering about your Starfield: Shattered Space story expansion DLC, that will be available sometime next year, rumored to be March 2024. That’s everything you need to know about claiming your Starfield pre-order and premium bonus. Check out our related Starfield guides on acquiring and using Digipicks and what to expect in New Game Plus.

Every ‘Mario Party’ Level Ranked by How Good They Would Be To Host Your Wedding Reception

Posted on by Peter Kemme

People have been wondering how they find “the one” since humans had the mental capacity to understand loneliness and the physical dexterity to play an instrument while awkwardly singing at someone. The answer is simple. You just have to be you, put yourself out there, and play a lot of Mario Party. Whoever you don’t end up swearing a blood-oath of vengeance at after a game, that’s the one. There is no stronger test for love. Now that wedding bells are in the air, here’s every mainline Mario Party board ranked by where your reception should be.

67. Chaos Castle (Mario Party 10)

This is a scam. All the marketing materials show a grand castle, but when you get there you’re told you’ve only rented the lawn and that the lawn is a giant pool of lava.

66. Bowser’s Gnarly Party (Mario Party 4)

Another venue that is mostly lava with absolutely no room for tables! Everyone is going to have to stand and hold a plate to eat, which is fine for a cocktail hour, but is a real bummer for dinner.

65. Bowser Station (Mario Party 9)

There’s even less space here, but it gets bumped up because with no gravity, standing isn’t really an issue. Eating food that’s constantly floating away will be tough, but at least your guests’ legs won’t get tired.

64. Magma Mine (Mario Party 9)

Your photographer is not going to be happy with the lighting down here. Also, lava is constantly rising to burn you and your guests alive, but mostly the photos of them dying are going to be underexposed.

63. Boo’s Haunted Bash (Mario Party 4)

Do we really need to tell you to not have your reception in a haunted house? Too much can go wrong! Someone could get possessed and try to kill everyone else. Blood might drip from the ceiling and ruin your donut wall. Three dudes with busted Geiger counters could crash the party and not shut up about a cold spot by table 5.

62. Boo’s Horror Castle (Mario Party 9)

If you’re dead set on having your reception in a haunted house, at least do it in this mansion. You’ll probably be dragged to hell in a pool full of black ichor, but at least it HAS a pool!

61. Haunted Trail (Mario Party 10)

Technically your reception wouldn’t be IN a haunted house here, but it’s still a bad idea. This is slightly better because angry spirits can’t lock you inside while they set it on fire and have your party join their damned ranks.

60. King Bob-Bomb’s Powder Keg Mine (Super Mario Party)

Unless “Black Lung Chic” is in your wedding mood board, it’s recommended to avoid the Powderkeg Mine.

59. Bowser’s Enchanted Inferno! (Mario Party 7)

Renting out a whole amusement park for your reception is pretty sick and this is the most budget friendly option since everything is on fire

58. Bowser Land (Mario Party 2)

For those divas who want to upgrade to a not-on-fire option, Bowser Land is still affordable to rent out, but still pretty deadly.

57. Wario’s Battle Canyon (Mario Party)

A warzone is a terrible spot for your wedding reception, which is unfortunate because what could really quell the feuding Bob-Bombs here is seeing your true love

56. Bob-bomb Factory (Mario Party 9)

This place is barely set up to be OSHA compliant, let alone set up for you and your guests to drunkenly do The Cupid Shuffle.

55. E. Gadd’s Garage (Mario Party 6)

Another venue that’s a total trap. You will be inviting your friends and family to be used as guinea pigs in a warehouse full of a mad-man’s horrifying inventions. It’ll turn into your Big Fat Jigsaw Wedding.

54. Bowser’s Magma Mountain (Mario Party)

Everyone is going to sweat there asses off, plus Bowser has locked himself in the DJ booth and is only playing his playlist, “We Are Family 24hr Mega-Mix”

53. Koopa’s Seaside Soirée (Mario Party 4)

Koopa’s in way over his head here. He’ll keep telling you everything’s ready, but he doesn’t have any infrastructure set up for events like this, the only building keeps getting washed away, and he’s mysteriously MIA when you ask for a refund. A documentary will be made about this terrible reception.

52. Snowflake Lake (Mario Party 6)

This winter-wonderland was recently bought by Mike Lindell. He’s going to rebrand it as “No Snowflakes Lake: A Very White Retreat For True Patriots”. It’ll suck for your reception, but you’ve probably got an uncle who would love it.

51. Luigi’s Engine Room (Mario Party)

It’s hot, cramped, and covered in oil, so unless your wedding theme is “The Rave From The Second Matrix”, it’s best to look elsewhere”

50. Peach’s Birthday Cake (Mario Party) 

Getting your cake, flowers, and venue all wrapped in one seems like a great deal, but you just can’t have someone else’s name splattered all over the place on your special day.

49. DK’s Treetop Temple (Mario Party 8)

You don’t want someone else’s name everywhere and you definitely don’t want their face! The only people with giant, terrifying statues at your reception should be you and your partner!

48. Creepy Cavern (Mario Party 3)

If you are willing to risk one of the many Thwomps and Whomps causing a cave in as they jump for the bouquet toss, you can not beat the lighting design down here.

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Piracy Isn’t Theft, But While We’re Talking, Theft Can Also Be Pretty Cool

Posted on by Bex Kane

Listen, listen, I know we’ve had this conversation a thousand times. I can’t say I really expect anybody to change their mind because I wanted to have it for the thousand-and-first time. But look, despite what the RIAA, or the MPAA, or some exec at a AAA game company might tell you, piracy is simply not the same thing as the theft of physical goods. But also, honestly, would it be so bad if it were?
 
Many people base their arguments on the idea that a “lost sale” is the same thing as losing an item to theft. There are several problems with this. First of all, who says a given person was going to buy the item they pirated to begin with? You can’t lose a sale if there never was a sale. Second, when a physical item is stolen, its owner loses it. When a copy is made and distributed, the IP owner still has everything they had before. So the idea that downloading a pirated copy of Warcraft 3 is taking food out of Bobby Kotick’s mouth is just utterly ludicrous. All that said, I also feel it is very important to stress that taking food out of Bobby Kotick’s mouth is entirely just, and in fact would be extremely funny. And if, for example, instead of food it was approximately $5,000 worth of South African Krugerrands that were smuggled stateside in the ‘80s, why should that change anything? Those shouldn’t be in his mouth to begin with!
 
Look, I understand that unauthorized file sharing is illegal. That’s not what I’m trying to argue about here. But legality doesn’t dictate morality. For example, imagine if I were an anthropomorphic raccoon who ran a gang of thieves. Would that be morally wrong? Are we really going to argue against the morality of Sly Cooper? And as the old saying goes, what’s good for the raccoon furry is good for the human. So if that raccoon furry can be morally justified in quietly accumulating millions of dollars worth of anonymous gold coins, why can’t this human be morally justified in downloading a Minish Cap ROM, and maybe also getting a couple thousand dollars in gold Krugerrands? Illegally importing valuable currencies sure sounds like a Clockwerk move to me!

Again, I get it. We’re all pretty much set in our opinions on this. I’m not really trying to convince anyone, I just feel like sometimes it’s important that we express ourselves. Right now, what I want to express is that if I could walk into a Walmart and copy what I find on the shelves, it would just be unreasonable to say that I was wrong to do so. I would also like to express that it’s unreasonable to say that I would be wrong to just take what’s on the shelves, because anything that’s bad for Walmart is good by default.

Really, the main point here is this: fuck Bobby Kotick, fuck the Waltons, and everyone should stop looking for the gold that allegedly disappeared from my elderly South African neighbor’s house.

 

Sorry Our ‘Armored Core 6’ Review is So Late: We Got Real Busy Making Decals

Posted on by Jon Ruggiero

Armored Core 6: Fires of Rubicon is the latest game from beloved gaming company FromSoftware, and the first mech game from the company in almost ten years. Fans have been eagerly awaiting the game, as well as reviews of it from their favorite gaming publications. We at Hard Drive are totally planning on doing one still, but we just got really distracted by making sick-ass decals.

There is a lot to like in this game. From the get-go, you are tasked with piloting an Armored Core, a ten-meter-high conglomeration of metal and weapons that’s perfect for displaying pictures of random things you thought of while high at 2 a.m. The ‘Daddy’s Girl’ image above, for instance, was created in AC6’s Image Editor and is currently being used as the emblem for a mech. How awesome/terrifying/confusing is that? Imagine coming across a mech with that emblazoned on their chest; you have no idea whether to applaud them, be angry, or run in fear. 

My suburban-ska-punk-with-four-legs mech rockin’ some decals

Fires of Rubicon has a lot of moments like this where inspiration for an awesome decal design can strike. For instance, early on you’re battling a helicopter five times your size. In traditional FromSoft fashion, defeating it is necessary to move on to the important part of the game, because you unlock the Image Editor after you beat it. As I was slamming my electric blade into the cockpit to deal the final blow, I thought “What would my mech look like if I bought it at a discount from Toys R Us?” Now I have this decal on the back of my Core:

The most important aspect of a  mech game like this is customization, which you won’t have to worry about here. Decals can have up to 100 layers, and you can choose from a wide variety of clip art and text (which has multiple fonts) with pretty decent editing tools, or you can use pre-made decals that are cool on their own. I assume there’s also plenty of guns, legs, and other parts to change up your mechs, but none of that matter since you can make your giant robot’s emblem look like it’s for sale at a head shop next to some incense.

There’s plenty to talk about when it comes to AC6, including whether or not this is made for new fans or old die-hards, or whether the sense of exploration from the Souls games is still here in a game that’s strictly mission-based. None of that matters since I’ll be spending the next few hours trying to improve on my awesome Viking dinosaur. So again, sorry for the delay. Our Armored Core 6 review is, uh, coming soon, I guess. 

Progressive Gamer Says He Doesn’t Even See Frame Rate

Posted on by Kevin Podas

SAN DIEGO — With technological advancements in gaming making frame rate even more important than graphical prowess in the eyes of many gamers, progressive gamer Garrett Hunter claims to not even see or notice frame rate whatsoever.

“Listen, I don’t even care that Starfield is capped at 30 frames per second,” said Hunter. “To be honest, I don’t even notice it. I put 200 hours into Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom and I wasn’t bothered by it there either. People were telling me that it dips during combat-intensive segments, but I gotta say: I don’t even see frame rate. I just see video games.”

Hunter’s friends were quick to respond and point out the ignorance of his statements.

“By saying that he doesn’t even see frame rate, he’s straight up denying that there’s a problem here,” explained Hunter’s friend Derek Acosta. “It’s a systemic issue that goes a lot deeper than some visual inconsistencies here and there. I bought an Xbox Series X just to play Starfield– a triple-A video game, mind you, and I expect it to run at a frame rate that’s pretty much industry-standard at this point. Sure I could’ve chosen not to spend 70 bucks on it, plus tax, but then I would be turning a blind eye to a real problem here. Plus, all my friends are playing it.”

Hunter was reportedly unbothered by the pushback he received from others on the issue.

“Oh, what, am I gonna get canceled on social media for saying that I don’t even notice the lack of fluidity in my character’s movements?” said Hunter. “I don’t even care. Let them get mad at me. I’m just psyched to create my own character, build my own ship, and explore the vast reaches of outer space from the comfort of my living room. If these people are so obsessed with putting video games into these individual boxes and categories, then maybe they shoulda saved up and got a PC that could actually run the damn game.”

At press time, Hunter had returned his copy of Starfield to GameStop for store credit after having it crash on start-up several times in a row.

“I Never Said That,” Our Interview With Masahiro Sakurai

Posted on by Kevin Podas

We sat down with game developer, YouTuber, and creator of Kirby and Super Smash Bros. Masahiro Sakurai to discuss his impact on the gaming industry and to defend bold statements he may or may not have made.

How do you feel about your likeness being used on the internet in ‘memes’?

“It makes me considerably uncomfortable to see my face next to things that I did not say.”

‘Never ask me for anything ever again’ is such an iconic statement and quite a brave one for a game developer to come out and say publicly. What inspired that specifically?

“I never said that.”

Is Kirby nice?

“I wouldn’t know. He isn’t real. Or at least he stopped answering my calls 6 years ago. Maybe he was never real.”

What made you want to start a YouTube channel?

“I don’t trust anyone but myself to make video games correctly. I hope that my channel can impart some wisdom on the next generation of people with my exact background and tastes.”

If Nintendo called you and asked you to direct the next Super Smash Bros. game right now, what would you do?

“I’d punch a hole in my wall and then agree to the proposal. Nobody else could do it properly besides me.”

Who are some of your favorite YouTubers?

“None. I detest the platform. I use it purely out of necessity because, again, no one else could do the job correctly besides me.”

Is Metaknight cool in real life?

“Yes, he is fucking awesome.”

Do you feel that you have made an overall positive impact on the gaming industry at large?

“I suppose so. But only because I had to do 17 jobs at once because it’s just easier than training new employees or communicating things to others.”

Why are you so insistent on taking on so many roles during game development?

“Have you ever gone online and seen how demanding some of these fans are? If I don’t give them what they want, exactly how they want it, I fear for the safety of both me and my family. As a result, it simply must be done, I suppose.”

Who was the hardest character to get the rights to for development of Super Smash Bros.?

“Mario. Nintendo is very protective of him. As a matter of fact, I’ve received DMCA strikes for every single first-party character included. The first time I didn’t get one was when I added Snake to Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Kojima practically begged me to add him.”

Why did you put so much emphasis on touch screen controls in Kid Icarus: Uprising?

“So that people who play my games and insist upon so much from me can feel at least a fraction of the bone crushing wrist pain that I experience every day during game development.”

Which Super Smash Bros. character do you relate to the most?

“Hmm, let’s see… none of them.”

All right then, well, which colored block from your smash-hit puzzle game Meteos do you relate to the most?

“The blue one!”

What is King Dedede’s favorite food?

“Can we please talk about menu design or something?”

Sure, fine. What’s up with all those wacky Simon Says-looking menus in your games?

“My wife Michiko works on the graphical interfaces for my games. She gets a little freaky with it sometimes, but I like it like that. She is inspired by the works of Pablo Picasso, mostly.”

Can you share your skincare techniques with our audience? A lot of people have remarked that you’re seemingly ageless.

“Yes– I work 90 hours a week, smoke 12 cigarettes a day, and make sure to only sleep for two hours a night. Hope that helps.”

What are your thoughts on Waluigi?

“He is a nasty pervert man who gets off on disappointing fans’ expectations. I guess you could say I assist him in that regard, and that’s all I’m at liberty to say on that topic.”

Can you at least tell us a little bit about your cat?

“Yes! Her name is Fukurashi and she means the absolute world to me, even more than video games. I would die for her, as it were.”

Is Geno going to be in the new Super Smash Bros. from day one, or will he be DLC?

“Geno is never going to be in the game, you freaks. I’m tired of being contacted about this. Never ask me for anything ever again.”

Hey, you just said it!

“That’s it, I’m outta here.”

Starfield Digipick Guide: Where to Find & How to Use Digipicks

Posted on by Alex Garcia

Looking to find more Digipicks in Starfield? Lockpicking has been a prevalent feature in most Bethesda games even before the days of games such as Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind. Since there are a multitude of different lockpicking styles in games, many were curious to see if Starfield would include a minigame of sorts.

Fans can rejoice, as Starfield does indeed have a lockpicking mini-game (and a really good one at that). However, unlike the days of Elder Scrolls and Fallout, this system works a bit differently, albeit with the same structure. Meaning, while the act of lockpicking is different, you still need a device of some sort to break into things with. And for this game, we’re going to enter the universe and figure out how to use Digipicks in Starfield.

How to Use Digipicks in Starfield

How to Use Digipicks in Starfield minigameYou aren’t able to use a Digipick on every lock right away, since each one has a set difficulty assigned to it. As such, you’ll need to invest more skill points into the Security skill in order to pick harder locks. But assuming you are able to pick a lock, press the interact button and a new screen will pop-up. Giving us the perfect opportunity to find out how to use Digipicks in Starfield.

You’ll see a bunch of circles layered inside each other in the middle of the screen with sections of those circles missing, along with the difficulty of the lock in the top right. And towards the middle right side of the screen, there are some dashes intersecting with smaller circles. These are the individual digits, and you’ll need to figure out which ones slot into the lock efficiently. When you successfully cover all the openings in one circle it will disappear revealing the next layer, and by completing each layer you will have successfully picked the lock.

How to Get Digipicks in Starfield

Digipicks are the items that you’ll be using during your time exploring the stars. When you first get a glimpse of the item in game, you’ll think that you stumbled across one of those tiny flashlights you’d attach to your backpack. Furthermore, a Digipick doesn’t take up any inventory space and can be bought and sold from many vendors across star systems.

There are some Digipicks you come across by just playing the game and looting, but if you need a few quickly, head on over to Jemison who’s located next to the fountain square in New Atlantis. Figuring out how to use Digipicks in Starfield on the other hand, can take a bit of practice. And since there aren’t any Tears of the Kingdom duplication glitches in Starfield, you’ll want to take advantage of every lockpick you have.

Here’s a Roundup of the Dumbest ‘Starfield’ Takes We’ve Seen

Posted on by Tiago Manuel

Nowadays, you can only measure a game’s value by the amount of controversy it incites among people who don’t know anything about it. By that measure, it would appear that we can already declare Starfield one of the greatest games of all time. Here’s a list of the dumbest Starfield takes we got our eyes on before the game was even properly out.

Dude complaining about the start screen

One former World Of Warcraft developer predicted the absolute failure of Starfield by noting that its start screen wasn’t, like, amazing-looking.

A good title screen provides a neat touch, yeah, but a simpler one can provide the perfect start for a journey that only gets better along the way. Think about that or, better yet, don’t, because once we begin nitpicking this, we’ll begin nitpicking everything.

PS: The start screen of every other Bethesda games only struck you as great because they featured awesome music.

Dude complaining about not being able to land ON GAS

There’s this dude complaining that you cannot land on Saturn, a planet that has nothing to land on because it’s made out of gas. He’s gonna be so mad when he learns that, I assume, he also won’t be able to land on the stars of a game called Starfield.

This is like complaining that you don’t get to have sex with a reaper in Mass Effect. Nobody ever complained about any weird thing about Mass Effect and boy, that series was rife with freaky stuff. Man, Mass Effect 2 was so good. Will they ever make a sequel for that?

Everyone started to make fun of some hater after he made an argument that exploration is a lie because you can’t land and explore gas giants.
byu/MEMEY_IFUNNY inStarfield

Dude complaining about real moon not looking realistic enough

To troll a friend who’s really demanding when it comes to graphics, this little devil sent him a picture of the real moon, claiming it was the moon in Starfield. His friend was naturally not impressed, claiming that it just didn’t look realistic enough. 

Remember devs, there’s no longer a point in making graphics that don’t look more realistic than real life. I hope you enjoy your job’s standards.

Dude correctly complaining about hats but then going on a dumb racist rant

The first half of this dude’s complaint is right. It’s pretty weird that you’d want to colonize space to just turn it into the Wild West you desperately tried to escape from. Good job. The second half of his point, however, is just racist bullshit. We almost got rid of these fucking dumbass cowboy hats in space games, but now this idiot has set back our noble main quest by like two more decades.

This is how you make a good point against hats:

Dude complaining about pronouns

This dude perfectly displays what I believe is Starfield’s “overly dramatic” trait by going on an unhinged rant about something as simple as you getting to pick your pronouns in a game about choice in a setting where players shouldn’t need to be concerned with weird cavemen-level takes.

Man, random fans are so weird. oh wait, here’s DrDisrespect having the exact same type of meltdown you’d only expect from a nameless weirdo who gets to dive back into the shadows until all this blows over.

This dude who just wants to stop flirting with this sexy male cowboy

Imagine being a Christian so mad at the gays of planet earth that you accept making a truce with science to go to space, and the first person you see there is a bi-cowboy that you start flirting with.

If only these options were somehow more optional than “completely optional,” then maybe far-right lunatics would be way more chill about stuff.

This dude claiming Starfield fans are the smartest

To cap it all off with some positivity, we have this dude saying that Starfield fans are the smartest in the world. How cool!

From all of us here, THANK YOU
byu/ToddBethesda inStarfield

Edit: oh my god, I’m so sorry. It turns out that this dude is a man named Todd Howard, a person seemingly somewhat involved with the development of Starfield — maybe the guy who does the start screens, idk, but definitely not the guy Bethesda’s boss tasks with reading Internet comments.

‘Mario Kart’ Announces DLC Truck Nuts

Posted on by Rob Steinberg

KYOTO, Japan —  Mario Kart producer Hideki Konno released a video announcing that while Mario Kart 9 will not be released anytime soon, Mario Kart 8 will continue to release DLC, most notably a set of truck nuts coming to the game very soon. 

“You’ve got to choose your character, your vehicle, your wheels, your gliders, and now players will finally be able to choose what nuts should dangle off the back of their karts,” Konno explained in shocking Nintendo Direct released earlier this morning. “You will be able to choose from options such as ‘Classic’ style, spotted for toad, some big hairy ones for Tanooki, and much more! We’ll leave what’s going on with the Dry Bones ones as fun surprise for everybody.” 

Programming Director Tatsuya Takadera appeared onscreen next to explain further.

“Each truck nut will have its own advantages and disadvantages to the physics of your kart,” he said. “Many will add a little weight, but increase the acceleration. Meanwhile, King Boo Balls will be all about that drift. You’ll have to see for yourself which combination is best, but I recommend everyone try out the Gold Mario Truck Nuts on the Wild Wiggler. Especially when they get cracked by a red shell.”

Nintendo of America President Doug Bowser appeared next, as the truck nut-focused video breached the half hour point. 

“Nintendo America has had a great deal in advising the nuts to make sure they are really captured authentically,” he said.  “Let’s face it, nobody knows truck nuts like Americans. This is only the beginning, too. After a few more months of crunching, we will soon be able to include COEXIST bumper stickers, Calvin peeing decals, and back seats filled with fast food wrappers.”

The truck nuts update, known as Ver 2.4.1, will be released on Feb 17th, 2024 to coincide with Larry The Cable Guy’s birthday.

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