Brody R Thompson, Author at Hard Drive

Rights to Polly Pocket Movie Accidentally Sold in Yard Sale

Posted on September 8, 2023 by Alex Norris

LOS ANGELES — Fans were devastated this week as Mattel, MGM, and Lena Dunham’s Good Thing Going production company announced that the rights to produce, distribute, and market the Polly Pocket film were accidentally sold at a yard sale, sources have confirmed.

“The rights to make the film based on those old Polly Pocket toys was last spotted at approximately 9:00 AM last Saturday on a folding table between a record player with no needle and three mismatched NERF darts, and were reportedly gone by noon,” said Detective Charles Franks, lead investigator on the case. “Details of the sale are still being revealed, but an unknown buyer picked up the adaptation rights, as well as a ceramic pineapple and a lidless mason jar, for a total purchase price of five dollars.

The sale was able to go through due to an error among MGM staff when efforts to sort film rights into “keep” and “sell” boxes coincided with efforts to clean the playroom before company arrived, leading the Polly Pocket rights to be placed in the “sell” box shortly before MGM’s yard sale began.

Producers fear this will further compound delays already caused by the combined SAG-AFTRA and WGA strikes, and have begun scouring local yard sales to try to find the buyer and convince them to resell the film rights.

“I thought it was strange seeing it for sale on the table there,” said Linda O’Brian, a fellow attendee of yesterday’s yard sale. “Especially knowing how popular all that Mattel IP is with the kids right now. Mine are a little too young to be making full length films, but otherwise I would have jumped on it too. You can never start planning too early for Christmas.”

Shortly before press time, MGM CEO Jennifer Salke provided a comment, stating, “I deeply regret my part in this regrettable accident and I will do everything possible to make amends. I will note, however, that I will not miss stepping on the Polly Pocket rights every time I walked across the living room.”

MGM executives have attempted to quell potential tantrums from Polly Pocket fans by bringing home the rights to make UNO. Early reports indicate that it is not the same, however.

Attack on Titans’ 104th Training Corps Ranked by How They Would Perform as Camp Counselors

Posted on September 8, 2023 by Kyle Duggan

The world of Attack on Titan is brutal and unforgiving. The young protagonists repeatedly experience unimaginable trauma, which can make it difficult to relate to them as the story progresses. While many of these characters are beloved, they almost all eventually commit acts that are indisputably monstrous and evil. But what if they lived in our world? What if the 104th Training Corps were just normal teenagers looking for a standard summer job while school was out? If you were a summer camp director and these kids applied, which ones should you hire, and which should you “forget” to call back after the interview? Read on to find out.

Honorable Mention: Levi

Sure, he’s not a member of the 104th Training Corps, but some of you dorks would get mad if I didn’t include him. Levi is definitely the weird guy who has worked at the camp for way too long. He even still goes to all the parties even though he’s too old to be hanging out with the other counselors. Everyone is keenly aware of how sad that is, but he has nowhere else to go. This is the only place he’s ever felt at home.

#28: Ymir

Ymir is never with her assigned group, instead sneaking off to spend all of her time with Historia. She even leaves the premises to get herself coffee at lunch without going around and getting everyone’s order. Worst of all, she is always mysteriously absent at the end of the day when it’s her turn to clean the bathrooms.

#27: Daz

Sure, there’s no Titans around to scare him, but this dude was always just looking for an excuse to freak out. If he doesn’t lose his mind the second the busses arrive, he’ll be in the fetal position by the third verse of the Rattlin’ Bog.

#26: Bertolt Hoover

This guy’s only asset is that he turns into the biggest titan. In a world where he can’t do that, he’s useless. Just a stupid, unfeeling doofus. If he’s not a giant monster, I don’t want him at my camp.

#25: Eren Yeager

Understanding how to stay safe around wildlife is a major part of camp counselor training. For instance, if you encounter a bear, you should stay calm and back away slowly. What you should not do is try to attack it out of a misdirected sense of revenge. Eren is gonna get some campers eaten.

#24: Ruth D. Kline

You probably expect me to make some joke about how she would lose her head, but that’s not why she’s ranked this low. She just doesn’t make an impression. When the rest of the staff are trading stories from camp in a few years, her name won’t come up even once.

#23: Tom

Tom would forget to pack enough bug spray for the big hiking trip. Have fun fielding all the phone calls from angry parents.

#22: Connie Springer

Oh, boy. Connie is just dull. He’s going to lose track of his campers pretty much constantly. As long as you don’t put him in charge of the ropes course, you should be okay. The problem is that he’s always asking to run the ropes course and you’re going to have to keep coming up with new excuses that aren’t just calling him stupid.

#21: Mina Carolina

Always finishes her assigned cleaning quickly but thoroughly, giving her plenty of time to perform other tasks. Unfortunately, she doesn’t really know how to properly prioritize those tasks. She’ll just start doing whatever anyone tells her to do, whether they’re her supervisor or not. I know summer camp isn’t exactly the Survey Corps, but there needs to be some clear chain of command.

#20: Reiner Braun

Reiner will spend hours rambling about how he used to be a good mentor in an after-school program for at-risk youth, but now he’s a camp counselor, and there’s a fundamental difference between blah blah blah blah. It’s a summer job, Reiner. Chill. Plus, you talked about your mentoring experience in your interview. It sounded like it was exactly the same as being a camp counselor.

#19: Nac Tias

Nac is described as “somewhat tall” compared to the other recruits. Being easily visible amidst a sea of children is an underrated asset for a camp counselor. He can be a mobile landmark without being so tall that he scares the kids. “The bathrooms are over there, by the tall guy with the dark hair.” See, isn’t that helpful?

#18: Thomas Wagner

Thomas responds well to inspirational speeches, completely forgetting his paralyzing fear after listening to Eren’s rallying cry. That’s the kind of guy I want in my morning meetings. Saying cheesy clichés every morning is a lot easier when at least one person responds to it enthusiastically.

#17: Floch Forster

Honestly, Floch is a fairly solid counselor. He performs his duties well and has a strong conviction that he’s improving the lives of the kids who attend the program. He does say some weird shit at times, though. Never hang out with him outside of camp, especially if he’s the one making the plans. He will try to get you to join a cult.

#16: Gordon

He might have only joined the camp as relief staff in the middle of the summer, but he’s decent enough. Gordon basically just does what he’s told to do. His fridge will never be decorated with the highly-coveted Counselor of the Week certificate, but he’s not going to totally screw things up, either.

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NBA 2K24 Crossplay Guide: Is 2K24 Cross Platform?

Posted on September 8, 2023 by Parker Johnson

Looking for the details on NBA 2K24 crossplay? You’ve come to the right place! We’ve got you covered with all the details you need to know about this multiplayer feature.

In the last few years of gaming, crossplay has become a major selling point for multiplayer franchises. Fortnite and Call of Duty were two early adopters of the technology, allowing players to play with anyone regardless of platform. So, does NBA 2K24 feature cross platform play? And how far does the technology go?

Is NBA 2K24 Crossplay?

For the first time in the franchise’s history, NBA 2K24 features cross platform capability! Finally, players can join up with their friends regardless of whether they play on PlayStation or Xbox. This functionality has definitely been a long time coming for NBA 2K fans.

There are, however, some important limitations. This mode is only available on current-gen editions of the game. This means that PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X|S players can use this new capability, but players on PlayStation 4, Xbox One, and, somehow, PC are left in the dust of this new functionality.

These consoles do get cross-gen capability, though, meaning that players can get a pricier edition of the game to get a version for the last and current-gen version of the game, as long as they stay in their console’s ecosystem when they upgrade. This also features a cross-gen wallet, letting players carry their MT & VC forward if they upgrade in the middle of the game’s lifespan. You cannot share currency, for example, across PC and Xbox.

How to Play 2K24 Cross Platform With Friends

First, make sure your crossplay feature is enabled. On PlayStation 5, this menu will be available on the bottom of the settings menu. On Xbox, you’ll want to navigate to the settings menu on your console to enable this setting.

Once you’ve made sure that’s in order, when you’re on the screen to invite friends to a game, press L1 and R1 (or your platform’s equivalent) at the same time. This should bring up the menu to add new 2K friends, and invite both 2K and platform friends. Use this menu to invite friends regardless of what platform you’re on!

That’s all you need to know to utilitze crossplay in NBA 2K24! While you’re here, check out our pre-order bonus guide to get your pre-order goodies.

NBA 2K24 Pre Order Bonus: How To Claim & Where To Use It

Posted on September 8, 2023 by Parker Johnson

Looking for how to get your NBA 2K24 pre order bonus? We’ve got you covered with our helpful guide on how to get the bonus content for the latest entry in the basketball simulation franchise! Luckily, claiming this bonus is pretty easy, it just may take a bit of patience. Here’s what you need to know to get the NBA 2K24 pre-order bonus.

How to Claim Your Pre-Order Bonus in NBA 2K24

Arguably the main event of the pre-order bonus is the extra currency you get: 5000 of both VC and MT to use in whichever modes you choose. You’ll also receive a few MyTeam packs, and MyCareer Skill & Gatorade boosts. Luckily, there isn’t much to claiming these bonuses. Simply log in to MyTeam or MyCareer, and your prizes should be available! You may need to wait up to 24 hours if the currency doesn’t appear, however.

For those who bought a physical edition of the game from a retailer, you may need to be a bit more proactive to get your bonus. Depending on your retailer, you could receive your code for these bonuses in a few different ways, including on your receipt or in your email. If you can’t find it no matter where you look, consider contacting the customer service representative for your local retailer online.

What to Use the Pre-Order Bonus On

The answer to this depends greatly on what your preferred mode is. If you’re a fan of MyCareer, you’ll likely want to just use these boosts and this currency right away. Getting a jumpstart on your career will simply make the whole process more fun. 5000 VC won’t go too far, but it’s a good step in the right direction. If you’ve pre-purchased one of the pricier editions, this VC is increased, and will get you an even better headstart over the competition.

On the other hand, if you’re more of a MyTeam player, it’s worth holding onto your currency before spending right away. The economy of MyTeam is skewed toward relatively low-rated players in the beginning of the game’s lifespan. Unless you’re looking to keep up with the best of the best online, you may be better off just holding onto your MT until the auction house features a bit better deals for you to get your hands on.

That’s all you need to claim your NBA 2K24 MyTeam & MyCareer pre-order bonuses! If you still haven’t seen your bonus come in, try to be a bit patient and see if it appears. If you’re playing more sports games, check out our guides hub for Madden 24!

Mario Kart 8 DLC to Introduce Fatalities

Posted on September 8, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

REDMOND, Wash. — Nintendo shocked gamers all over the world today by announcing that the signature fatalities from the Mortal Kombat franchise would be introduced to Mario Kart 8 in it’s next DLC release, sources have confirmed.

“Wow, I can’t believe this,” said local gamer Gabe Willis, after viewing a trailer Nintendo released online that featured Mario performing a brutal banana peel-based fatality on an unsuspecting Toad following a race. “They’ve added a lot of cool courses and characters over the years, but the ability to rip my opponent’s spine out of their body or bite their face off as Yoshi is going to make this great game even better. This is a day one purchase for sure.”

Many parents however, were shocked at the sudden change of tone in the Mario Kart series.

“This is absurd,” said Laura Allen, a local mother of three. “It’s bad enough I’m not sure what my kid is watching on YouTube or TikTok all day, I thought at least I could plop him down in front of Mario Kart and he wouldn’t be corrupted. But then I come into the living room and he’s got Link cutting Wario’s head off with the master sword! It was so crazy. Especially the way Link tasted some of Wario’s blood off of his fingers before he posed for the camera. It just doesn’t feel like Mario Kart anymore, I’m afraid.”

Mario Kart producers insisted this was a feature they’d long wanted implemented into the popular racing series.

“Back when we were making the original Mario Kart on the SNES, we had some early storyboard art which featured Donkey Kong removing his tank top and stuffing it down Luigi’s throat until he choked to death on it,” said legendary game designer Shigeru Miyamoto, who was a producer on the title. “But we decided to cut that at the last minute. Frankly, the Super Nintendo just couldn’t bring to life our overall concept for the brutal endgame we’d always wanted these races to have. I’m so happy we’re finally able to realize our vision, some 30 years later!”

As of press time, Nintendo had announced that they would be pursuing an R-rating for the upcoming Super Mario Bros Movie sequel.

Check out our new Mario Kart and Mortal Kombat shirts, available for one week only!

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Top 50 Best Games to Buy and Never Play

Posted on September 7, 2023 by Kyle Duggan

It’s time for gamers to free ourselves of the shame we feel when we think of our backlogs. Every unplayed title is like a little reminder of one moment of weakness, and it can be tough to see all of those reminders listed alphabetically in your Steam library when you’re about to start your fiftieth Skyrim playthrough. But hey, it’s a collection! People fill their bookshelves with novels they’ve never read. We should be able to do the same with games! Here’s a list of the perfect titles to get you started.

1. Subnautica

I would probably really like this game, but every time my cursor hovers over the shortcut, my heart starts to race. Sweat beads on my brow. What would happen if I clicked? Surely, the game is safe to play. I’m not stupid; I know it’s fake. Just give me a few minutes to center myself.

2. Wildermyth

I heard an advertisement for this one on a podcast I listen to, so I nabbed it right away. Unfortunately, I can’t remember what the ad said, and I don’t have the patience to sit through a tutorial right now. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll have time eventually.

3. The Last of Us Part I

Sure, the show made me want to play the game. But then it felt kind of silly to play the game at the same time I was watching the show, so I waited until the end of the season. Then I forgot about it. Hey, I’m human.

4. Firewatch

Literally every person on the internet told me to get this game, so I did. Honestly, though? It seems kinda boring.

5. Scribblenauts Unlimited

I loved the Scribblenauts game on DS when I was a kid, so when I saw that this game was on sale, I had to have it. That was seven years ago, and it was the last time I thought about Scribblenauts at all until I wrote this list.

6. Assassin’s Creed IV

I read about how fun it was to be a pirate in this game for years, but I think I held off too long. Once I finally decided to pull the trigger, I just really didn’t feel like playing it. I just know there’s a ton of DLC included that clutters the game right when you start it. Ugh.

7. AI War: Fleet Commander

It’s okay, we all get a little big for our britches after reading The Art of War. It’s totally normal to realize you’ve gone too far after buying this game. That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway.

8. Brink

Hey, man. We all get caught up in hype. I’m not embarrassed about this at all.

9. Dave the Diver

Oh, shit! I forgot I bought this game! But I was still working through Tears of the Kingdom, so I put it off until I finished that game. Then Baldur’s Gate 3 came out. Then Starfield. Unless Super Mario Wonder is shockingly terrible, I am never getting to play Dave the Diver.

10. Final Fantasy 4

I downloaded this on my phone so I could play it during breaks at work, then spent most of my breaks scrolling social media. This is a “me” problem.

11. L.A. Noire

Hoo, boy. I mean, I had to buy it, right? It was a big game when it came out, and it goes on sale all the time. It just seems like a whole thing, though.

12. Jurassic World Evolution 2

I liked the original okay, even if it was far from perfect. I’m not sure if the reason I haven’t played this is that I’m so burnt out on the original or if I’m worried this version won’t be enough of an improvement. I’m probably correct on both counts.

13. Call of Duty: Black Ops II

I just wanted to revisit the good ol’ days, man. Unfortunately, I didn’t do my homework and only learned after my purchase that playing Black Ops II in 2023 is the internet equivalent of wearing a t-shirt that says, “Please Mug Me and Steal My Debit Card.” Why is Steam still selling this game, again?

14. Fallout 4

I wanted to wait until the modders fixed it. Now I’m anxious about managing all the mods I would need to download. The duality of man, eh?

15. Celeste

I hate playing platformers unless I’m really, really good at them, which means I need to set a lot of time aside to practice them. There’s just not enough time in the day for me to get good at Celeste.

16. Sonic Adventure 2

I think part of me thought that just by downloading this game, I could just make it 2001 again. It didn’t work. Seeing this game in my library fills me with angst.

17. Cave Story+

Cave Story+ got a really cool physical release for the Switch with a little keychain of one of the characters. I don’t know the character’s name, because I haven’t played the game. I’ve heard good things about it, which is basically the same as playing it.

18. Mount & Blade: With Fire and Sword

I have a really bad habit of buying sequels to games just as I’m getting bored with the original. You think I would have learnt my lesson by now, but I guess I just love spending money.

19. Sins of a Solar Empire: Rebellion

I’m just waiting for a single one of my friends to get this game so we can play multiplayer. I don’t want to start too early or else there will be a skill gap and the matches won’t be any fun.

20. Mirror’s Edge

Bought it, then remembered I had watched my roommate play through the entire game in 2009. I’m sure it’s a lot more fun to play it yourself, but I can live with that for now.

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This New Remote Control Doesn’t Make Any Sense (Guest Review by Your Dad)

Posted on September 7, 2023 by Kyle Duggan

If you’re anything like me, you’ve used the same remote control for your TV for the last 15 years. Back then, they knew how to make a clicker that was easy to use: you just told your kid to get it set up for you, then after a few hours, it worked like magic. Nothing lasts forever, though, and now half the damn buttons don’t work and it keeps resetting itself or something. Relatable, right?

My son told me that the manufacturer doesn’t make my remote anymore. I asked him why they would do that and he just said he didn’t know. So much for being our resident computer expert, I guess. Instead, he just got me this new clicker that he claims can do all the same stuff, even if it works a little differently than the old one.

Well, the supposed “solution” to my problem is a dud. There used to be a button on my old remote that just said “Watch TV.” If you pressed it, it did exactly that. Same with the “Watch Movie” button. Then, when you were done, there was just one off button you pressed to shut the whole thing down. Sure, sometimes it got a little screwy, but I could just call my kid and have him come over and fix it. After all, it was probably something he did that messed everything up to begin with.

But this new one doesn’t work at all! It’s got about eighteen million buttons, but you never know what any of them are gonna do. You’ve got to use a little wheel and look at a tiny screen to put it into the right mode, then you click a button. No human being could possibly remember it all. I wrote it all down, but my kid must have moved the paper on me when he came over for dinner the other night.

At this very moment, I’m looking at my TV that’s turned on while the cable box and surround sound are off. I know if I hit this power button, the TV’ll turn off and the other two will switch off. I just want to watch my Springsteen DVDs, for God’s sake.

Starfield Manual Save Freeze & Crash Guide: How to Fix it

Posted on September 7, 2023 by Michelle Pereira

Having an issue you need to fix with a Starfield crash when you manual save? Starfield has been a relatively bug-free release thus far, especially for a Bethesda game, but some players are experiencing one significant glitch when attempting to save their game. This Starfield guide will help you identify and address the persistent problem.

Why Does Starfield Crash When Saving Manually?

The issue arises when there are an excessive number of manual save slots in use. Starfield itself does not impose a hard limit on the number of save slots, so when players create too many save files for the game to handle, it simply freezes. The only solution is to delete as many of the manual saves as possible, if not all.

How To Stop Starfield Freezing On PC

Navigate to Local Disk (C:) / Users / <Your Username> / Documents / My Games / Starfield / Saves
Backup the entire ‘Saves’ folder as a precaution.
Excluding files named “Quicksave”, “Autosave”, and “Exitsave”, delete all other files containing the term “save”.
You should be able to boot into the game now.

How To Stop Starfield Crashing On Xbox

Ideally, you will have cloud sync set up already for Starfield.
Restore your game from the cloud to a point before the crashing began.
Once the game becomes playable again, simply delete as many manual saves as possible to avoid unintentionally going over the limit again.

Once you have achieved some degree of stability in the game, be sure not to create an excessive number of manual save files, and opt to simply overwrite previous manual saves instead.

That’s everything about how to fix the freezing and crash upon making manual saves in Starfield. Check out our guide on the exciting Starfield New Game Plus mode.

Newly Appointed Mario Ambassador Charles Martinet Struggling With U.S. Socioeconomic Mario Policies

Posted on September 7, 2023 by Patrick Sullivan

WASHINGTON — Charles Martinet, previously known as the voice of Mario, is reportedly struggling with his new role as Mario Ambassador, particularly the responsibilities tied to socioeconomic and geopolitical Mario relations between the United States and Nintendo.

“I have to organize a meeting between Shigeru Miyamoto, Doug Bowser, and Joe Biden with the goal of discussing how much Mario is allowed to flow into the U.S. on a quarterly basis,” said a visibly stressed Martinet. “I thought this gig was just going to be attending conventions, signing plushies, and doing a ‘wa-hoo’ every time a fan asked. Now I need to meet with the Joint Chiefs of Staff to negotiate the military use of Mario during wartime!”

While Martinet was the voice of iconic Nintendo characters such as Mario, Luigi and Wario, he has frighteningly little knowledge of the ins-and-outs of the newly created Mario Ambassador role. Outside of previously portraying Mario in 2007’s Mario & Luigi: Political Panic, Martinet has no prior experience in international corporate relations.

“It was my understanding this was going to be a nothing job, basically a soft retirement. I think doing this is going to give me a heart attack,” continued Martinet. “I’m pretty sure Nintendo of America just declared war on Brazil because I blurted out ‘It’s a-me!’ to a question I wasn’t listening to during a Pentagon meeting.”

Shigeru Miyamoto, longtime Nintendo employee and visionary, went into more detail on the Mario Ambassador role during a special Mario Ambassador announcement video filmed at the White House.

“I’m gonna keep it real, when we created the Mario Ambassador role, we had absolutely no fucking idea what that meant or what [Charles] was going to be doing,” said Miyamoto during the Direct. “Now that we’ve developed the role a bit, I think the clear path is using Mario Ambassadors to spread Mario Political Ideology in different countries of interest to Nintendo.”

“After that, it’s just a matter of staging Mario Coups to put Mario Political Puppets into power,” Miyamoto continued. “We’ll discuss this more during a future Nintendo Direct, so stay tuned!”

Miyamoto ended the Direct by playing the Nintendo Company Anthem as a parade of Mario Soldiers marched down Pennsylvania Avenue.

Discord Vows To Kill One Hostage Every Hour Until You Update Your Username

Posted on September 7, 2023 by Charles Bill

SAN FRANCISCO — Fed up with non-compliance, online communications giant Discord has announced their plans to kill one hostage every hour until you finally update your username.

“These fuckers keep pressing ‘remind me later’,” said Jason Citron, CEO of Discord who had just broken into a bank with an AR-15 and Richard Nixon mask. “So listen up, I’ll make this very simple. Every sixty minutes that you don’t change your username to phase out numbers, one of these innocent people dies. I’m not fucking around. I’ll do it. This is what happens when you don’t follow directions. People die. Shit, have I been on push to talk this whole time?”

Citron’s message is spreading fast, and Discord users are having mixed reactions to it.

“I booted up Discord, and it asked me to change my username,” said gamer Patty Thompson, “I clicked ‘No,’ because fuck that, and then I had to read this long message, manifesto really, about how what I was doing was dangerous, and how I’d have blood on my hands. Then it shows me this 43 year old mother of three that they’ll ice if I don’t take a minute to change my name. Nuts to that, I’ve been PudMonster#4209 for years now, and it’ll take more than killing some Karen to change that.”

The hostage situation grew more tense as SCPD officers and negotiators arrived.

“I wish this wasn’t so common,” said SCPD lead negotiator DeWayne Philmon, “I remember when Mark Zuckerburg strapped C4 to his chest and threatened to pull the trigger if people didn’t start using the new Facebook layout. We talked him down by offering him various meats to smoke, but this Discord guy won’t budge. I asked them if they wanted pizza or something, and he just sent back a bunch of cutesy loading messages. This is gonna be a bloodbath.”

At press time, gamers were trying to go back to Ventrilo or Skype, telling themselves it was probably worth all of the deaths to use a better application.