Dwayne Johnson Reveals Black Adam Has Had Sex Way More Times Than Superman

Posted on by Simon Bower

LOS ANGELES — At a press junket for upcoming superhero blockbuster Black Adam, actor Dwayne Johnson repeatedly insisted that his titular character has had more sex than Superman, or any other character in the DC Universe.

“Oh yeah, the ladies looove Black Adam,” Johnson responded to an unrelated question aimed at one of his co-stars. “That dude is a player, I mean he bones down with thirty… no, fifty… no, like a hundred different babes every night. Meanwhile, that nerd Superman is stuck with boring old Lois Lane, and we all know she fakes it. Black Adam hit that too by the way, and he was the best she’s ever had. That’s canon.”

When questioned about his reasons for continually bringing up his character’s sexual prowess, Johnson insisted that it was an important part of the film’s marketing strategy.

 

“You see, Black Adam isn’t as well-known as other superheroes like Batman and The Flash, even though his dick is way bigger,” Johnson explained. “So to get people to come out and watch this movie, it’s incredibly important that we explain how cool and strong and sexy Dwayne Johnso — I mean, Black Adam is. He could kick Peacemaker’s ass, that’s for sure.”

Also present was the film’s director, Jaume Collet-Sera, who was later asked by Dwayne Johnson what it was like to make a movie with such a flawless and well-endowed protagonist.

“It’s so refreshing to direct a film with absolutely no dramatic stakes or tension,” Collet-Sera smiled through gritted teeth, Johnson’s hand firmly resting on his shoulder. “I mean usually in a movie like this you’re not sure whether the hero is going to be able to overcome the forces against them, and that uncertainty is what keeps you invested in the story. But in Black Adam it’s so obvious that Black Adam is going to win, because he is so, so powerful and handsome. So instead the audience stays invested because… I dunno, they just really like looking at him, I guess?” 

Johnson then whispered into the director’s ear.

“I also think Black Adam would make a great U.S. President someday,” she added, sighing.

At press time, Dwayne Johnson was reading out a list of amazing feats performed by Black Adam to the media that were clearly just recycled old Chuck Norris memes.

Furniture Developer Ends Support for Couch

Posted on by Andy Holt

SAN FRANCISCO — Local furniture developer Dave’s Decor has announced a controversial update that will cut off couch service for all customers.

“We know you’ll miss the couch. The couch has been a huge part of what makes Dave’s Decor so special. Unfortunately, it’s just not something we can put resources into anymore. It’s not feasible. Why would more than one person need to be in the same place, together, sharing the same piece of furniture? That’s what the internet is for,” said company founder Dave Vega in a video posted to YouTube. “From now on, Dave’s Decor will be going chairs-only. You can still share that same couch experience you’ve always loved with your friends and family, you’ll just need to use two or more pieces of single-person furniture, separately.”

Longtime customers have spoken out in protest, claiming the move is nothing but a cash-grab by a company with no new ideas.

“It would be one thing if Dave’s was innovating. Then, I could forgive cutting costs in other areas. But they’re not—it’s just the same old designs, re-skinned to look different. Why not invent a piece of furniture that screws onto the ceiling, and you strap yourself in and pretend the whole world has turned upside down? Why not make a table with 45 legs? These are just ideas,” said local sitter Martha Yeats, who has fond memories of sitting on couches with other people as a child. “The point is, now it’s going to be two chairs for $150 each instead of one couch for $200. This update is totally hostile to the sedentary community. I’m going to uninstall all their furniture from my house. I recommend everyone else do the same.”

Outside analysts claimed Dave’s Decor was part of a larger trend, extending far beyond the furniture industry.

“You’re going to see more and more products that treat people as individual consumers, instead of products that help people connect with each other in a physical way, by sharing common tasks and building social bonds. I wish I could think of another example of that happening, but I’m drawing a blank,” said financial consultant Janet Greer. “There’s got to be one.”

The company gave no information on the fate of coffee tables, which are reportedly on thin ice.

Disappointing ‘The Last of Us’ Trailer Mostly Joel Learning His Moves

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

NEW YORK — HBO premiered the first trailer for its upcoming adaptation of the popular video game The Last of Us earlier this week, and the footage mostly shows the main character of the show learning to walk and sort of just figuring out his moves, disappointed sources have confirmed. 

“Whoa, that was it?” asked local gamer Jane Mundt, after watching the premiere trailer. “I was hoping we’d see Joel and Ellie, some of the different environments, maybe even get a look at The Infected, but this was mostly Joel learning to sprint and bandage himself up and stuff like that. What’s the deal with that part where it showed him aiming a gun for what looked like the first time in his life? This show looks weird and terrible.” 

Executives at HBO defended their decision to adhere so closely to the source material. 

We wanted to make a cinematic experience that was as close to the game as we could,” said executive producer Craig Mazin. “And so that’s why the first two or three episodes of this show are going to mostly feature Joel walking around seeing if he’s able to open certain doors and windows or not. Getting comfortable just doing basic stuff. I hope viewers weren’t hoping to see Ellie this year, we just didn’t have time to get to her with eight episodes, you know? Maybe next season.” 

The loyalty to the subject matter extends to lead star Pedro Pascal’s performance, as well.

“I studied the video game intensely for months,” said Pascal, who portrays Joel in The Last of Us. “I wanted my portrayal to be as accurate as possible. You never have Joel go to the bathroom in the game, so I never went to the bathroom during production. I got very sick, but I think we captured the level of authenticity we were going for.” 

“I got really, really sick from not going to the bathroom,” he added. “But I think you’ll agree that it was worth it when you see the show.” 

As of press time, the official HBO Max Twitter account had debuted new artwork for The Last of Us,  featuring Joel bending over to pick up a ladder. 

Genshin Impact: Afratu’s Dilemma World Quest

Posted on by Paulo Kawanishi

With Genshin Impact’s 3.1 update, Afratu’s Dilemma World Quest has been implemented in the game. By helping Afratu, a researcher from Sumeru Akademiya, in figuring out the mystery behind an ancient Ruin Golem, you will find more about the region’s history.  

World Quests are pretty important in Genshin Impact, considering you not only can earn good rewards by completing them, but they may also occasionally unlock functions or new areas. 

Afratu’s Dilemma World Quest is extremely important if you want to look for every dendroculus in Sumeru. You can read below and find not only the quest location, but also how to complete it, and the rewards you get from it. 

Location of Afratu’s Dilemma World Quest in Genshin Impact

To begin the quest, you must talk to the NPC Afratu in the Valley of Dahri. This is the region southwest of Aaru Village.

Since the quest won’t appear on the map until you get close to it, check the map to see the exact location you need to go. Keep in mind also that before completing this quest, there’s going to be a Ruin Golem shooting beams of energy.  

Afratu’s Dilemma World Quest Explained

To complete the quest, you must find a way to reach the cabin inside the Ruin Golem to find out why it’s functioning. 

Right after you accept the quest, you must walk toward the Golem’s direction and wait for it to shoot the energy beam behind a big rock on the right side of the road. This is going to open the entrance to a path that will take inside the Golem. You’re even going to find an underground teleport by following the path.

Once inside the Ruin Golem, your task is going to be to destroy the overgrown vines by attacking the green nodules that you find in the area. Look for all of them in the lower area too, where they are in sets of three. You will know that all of them have been destroyed when a short cutscene plays out showing the cabin being unlocked.

Now that you have open access to the cabin, you can interact with Ruin Golem’s control panel. Use it to hit some shining locations that are going to be shown on the screen. These are all areas blocked where you can find items, chests, and even dendroculus.

While you’re still in the area, you have probably noticed that three dendroculus popped onto your minimap. Two of them are inside the main area of the Golem, so look for them before continuing with the quest. The third is outside.

After the vines have been controlled and the Ruin Golem stopped working by itself, you just need to return to Afratu to complete the quest.

Rewards Earned in Afratu’s Dilemma World Quest in Genshin Impact

genshin impact afratu's dilemma world quest

Besides finding the dendroculus mentioned, finishing the quest will give you:

  • Reclining on Top of the World Achievement
  • 400 Adventure Exp
  • 50 Primogems
  • 40000 Mora
  • 4 Hero’s Wit
  • 4 Mystic Enhancement Ore

You can also now freely explore the Valley of Dahri without the risk of getting sniped by the Ruin Golem!

Age of Empires 4 (AoE4) Chinese Build Order Guide

Posted on by Antony Terence

The Chinese are perhaps the most complex civilization to play in Age of Empires 4. But they are also the most rewarding, with an economic advantage and late-game arsenal that are second to none. While the Chinese are prone to enemy raids due to their economic focus, they’re unstoppable once they get their economy going. Here’s an AoE4 Chinese build order that lets you build up that economy with a second Town Center.

Chinese Imperial Officials gather tax from economic and military buildings to boost your Gold count. They can also supervise buildings, letting you research techs or train units quickly. The Chinese also have access to Dynasties that grant unique bonuses if you build two Landmarks from a particular Age. Being able to construct buildings 100% faster and defenses 50% faster means that you can respond to threats more quickly than your opponent. 

The following Age of Empires 4 build order uses the Chinese civilization’s powerful economy boosts to advance to the Castle Age. While there are quicker ways of reaching the Castle Age, building a second Town Center will let you take advantage of the Song dynasty’s quicker village production time. This Chinese build order for AoE4 focuses on getting two Town Centers efficiently before heading into the Castle Age.

Age of Empires 4 Chinese 2 Town Center Build Order Guide 

 

  • Train a Scout and then an Imperial Official. Chinese scouts benefit from 30% more vision in the Dark Age so use this to your advantage.
  • Send all your villagers to the nearest tree and build a Mill near the Berries once they gather 10 Wood. That way, they don’t need to take a trip back to the Town Center to deposit the Wood. 
  • Once the Mill is done, use these villagers to gather Food from Sheep positioned next to the Mill. Use your Imperial Official to supervise the Mill and boost your Food income. Send your Imperial Official back to the Town Center occasionally to drop off taxes.
  • Make your next villager build a House to raise your population limit to 20. Once the house is built, send the villager to gather Food from Sheep. 
  • Make the next two villagers build a Lumber camp before gathering Wood.
  • Send your next villager to the gold mine and build a Mining camp for gathering Gold. 
  • Send the next two villagers over to Gold as well. 
  • Use one villager to build the Imperial Academy landmark (timing isn’t as important). This Landmark doubles tax generation from both economic buildings and military ones.
  • Once you enter the Feudal Age, keep sending villagers to gather Food until you have ten Food gatherers. Then start sending villagers over to Wood.
  • Once the Imperial Academy is done, train an Imperial Official from the landmark. Send him over to supervise the Lumber Camp.
  • Get enough resources for the Barbican of the Sun and build it at a suitable spot with three villagers. 
  • Build both landmarks (Imperial Academy followed by the Barbican of the Sun) to enter the Song dynasty, which decreases villager production time and grants access to the Granary. This building boosts the gathering rate of Farms around them and this effect can stack across multiple Granaries. Try getting these under the influence of the Imperial Academy to boost tax generation.

  • Get some villagers who were gathering Wood to build a Mining Camp and start collecting Stone. Train another Imperial Official to supervise Stone collection and ensure that you get enough resources for a second Town Center right next to your first one.
  • Town Centers don’t need to be built near resources as you cannot earn tax from them. 
  • Once you get 150 Gold after training the two Imperial Officials, research Wheelbarrow from the Mill. The supervising Imperial Official will speed up the tech research.
  • Train a fourth Imperial Official to collect tax from all your economic buildings. If you have gold to spare, try getting the Imperial Examination tech that doubles the tax your Imperial Officials can hold. 
  • Once you have enough resources to reach the Castle Age, build the Astronomical Clocktower to create devastating siege units.

Why This Chinese Build Order Works

The Chinese’s booming economy lets you tackle all sorts of threats across every Age. Heading to the Castle Age is important but utilizing the Song Dynasty reduction in villager time lets you scale your economy up with ease. A second Town Center lets you take advantage of this to build an economic advantage over your opponent.

The Chinese have several other tricks up their sleeve as well. Using your Imperial Officials to supervise military buildings instead of economic ones boosts the speed at which they produce units. Feudal Zhuge Nu are deadly against enemy spears and archers. The Castle Age brings along the powerful Nest of Bees siege weapon and Fire Lancers adept at knocking buildings over. 

Stay in the game until you hit the Imperial Age to gain access to grenadiers blessed with a strong area-of-effect attack. Building two landmarks in an Age brings about a new Dynasty, offering unique bonuses that can help tip the scales of war in your favor. With this Age of Empires 4 Chinese build order, you’ll be able to outproduce your foes in terms of military units thanks to a solid economy. The Chinese civilization thrives on versatility and while it might not be for new AoE4 players, its branching paths of conquest might just sway you to its side.

Splatoon 3 Gear: A Beginner’s Guide

Posted on by Daniel Solomon

It’s all well and good looking the part with Splatoon 3‘s gear – and you damn well should – but what good is it if your abilities are cancelling each other out, or you’re sinking XP into something with, god forbid, locked ability slots?

And while the gameplay is as superb as ever, I’d argue they don’t do the greatest job of onboarding players with the whole gear system. Read on for an overview of how gear works, how brands affect abilities, Star Power, and more.

How does gear work in Splatoon 3?

splatoon gear

Aside from allowing you to express your aesthetic preferences, gear forms a vital part of the loadout you take into competitive play. Each piece of gear has up to four abilities, consisting a main ability slot, and 3 sub ability slots, which can require unlocking. You can unlock more sub-ability slots by increasing the gear’s Star Power (more on that later).

The abilities themselves are unlocked with XP, which is earned through playing online matches in the lobby. The sub-abilities you unlock will be random, though chances are stacked by merit of the gear’s brand – more on that later too. Once you’ve unlocked all the abilities for a piece of gear, XP will earn you Ability Chunks, which can be used to choose what abilities you want on any given piece of gear. Keeping up so far?

Where do you get gear in Splatoon 3?

splatoon 3 best gear

It may seem like a daft question, but you can pick up gear from a number of sources. The first you’ll encounter are the shops, which unlock at level 4. The stock refreshes here at midnight every day, so try to get into a habit of checking them out whenever you play.

You can unlock specific pieces of gear through playing the single player and Salmon Run modes – the latter being the source of the Bream-Brim Cap, which aside from looking the part (all oil-spilly and psychedelic) is proving to be fairly popular among the playerbase.

There’s also the Splatnet Shop on the Nintendo Switch Online mobile app, which also refreshes daily, as well as giving you a heads-up on what brands will be featured in the next daily drop. If you place an order here, you’ll have to collect it from the drip dealer himself, the one and only…

Murch!

And what exactly is a Murch? He’s possibly the most important character in Splatsville, hanging around just outside the entrance to the lobby. As said above, he’s the intermediary for orders from the Splatnet shop, as well as procuring you gear from other players you can see in Splatsville. Once he’s offered you this service. you just have to interact with a player in the hub, and select “Order Gear” on whatever of theirs is taking your fancy.

Beyond this though, Murch offers a number of ways to improve your existing gear. He can:

  • Scrub slots – for 20k in gold, Murch can remove any unlocked secondary abilities and give you an Ability Chunk in return. 
  • Reroll slots – for the price of a Super Sea Snail, Murch will reroll all secondary abilities on any piece of gear which has them all already unlocked. 
  • Boost Star Power – which we’ll get into below.

Murch is also able to edit a piece of gears abilities wholesale, providing you have the Ability Chunks required. It’s not cheap, but it does mean that whatever vibe you’re going for can be achieved with whatever playstyle suits you. This will set you back 45 Chunks for a main ability, and 10 for a sub ability, unless you wanted to double (or triple) up, which will cost 20 for two, or 30 for three.

What is star power and how does it work?

Simply put, increasing a piece of gear’s star power will either unlock an extra ability sub-slot (to a max of 3) or, if it already has 3 slots unlocked, will give you a small XP boost for the item when in use. You can increase the star power of a piece of gear by finding it in the store again on successive days, after the stock has refreshed, or by giving Super Sea Snails to Murch.

If you find a specific piece of gear you want to take through to the endgame then by all means keep pumping the star power level, as you’ll be earning Ability Chunks as overflow XP rewards quicker. Brand loyalty is rewarded here too, as you’ll earn a badge for each brand you amass 30 and 100 stars in.

Levelling star power can get expensive quite quickly though, so in the early game you’re better off saving your money than opting for an upgrade once you have all 3 slots unlocked – particularly if you aren’t yet 100% sure on your build and role in competitive play.

Splatoon 3 Gear Brands and Abilities

Each brand has its advantages and disadvantages depending on your playstyle, in the form of favoured and unfavoured abilities. These affect the odds at which each bit of kit will roll abilities when levelled up, with favoured giving a 5x boost over other gear, and unfavoured a 1/2x handicap. The table below can help you keep an eye out for brands that offer what you’re after:

 

Brand name Vibe Favoured ability Unfavoured ability No. of pieces
Annaki  One of them punks are ya?  Ink Saver (Sub) Special Saver 10
Barazushi Outdoorsy bits. I’d legit wear those Desert Chukkas tbf.  Intensify Action Sub Power Up 12
Cuttlegear  These bits you’ll get from amiibos and campaign unlocks. No spoilers here but there’s some drip to be had.  N/A N/A 10
Emberz A surreal attempt at streetwear. The Button-Clown Shirt is a particular highlight.  Intensify Action Special Charge Up 12
Enperry Mostly sporty, but they do sell a triple-decker pair of sunglasses, for the optically well-endowed. Sub Power Up Ink Resistance Up 10
Firefin Notable for the sandals and socks combo on offer – in two colours, no less. Ink Saver (Sub) Ink Recovery Up 8
Forge Headgear specialists, home of the Party Hard Hat. Special Power Up Ink Saver (Sub) 14
Grizzco These bits are unlocked through Salmon Run mode. It’s how you get the aforementioned oil slick looking hat that everyone’s wearing. N/A N/A 4
Inkline Going for that fashionable outdoorsy look rocked by unfashionable indoorsy people, like myself.  Sub Resistance Up Intensify Action 14
Krak-On Clearly the best name in this list. Festival vibes. Swim Speed Up Sub Resistance Up 16
Rockenberg Knock-off Doc Martens here, if you’re that way inclined. Run Speed Up Swim Speed Up 14
Skalop There’s a genuine, bonafide m’lady hat here among their usual offering of snapbacks and tie-dye t’s.  Quick Respawn Special Saver 10
Splash Mob Fairly normcore offering, save for the bowler that looks straight out of A Clockwork Orange. Ink Saver (Main) Run Speed Up 9
SquidForce Still one of them punks are ya? At your age?  Ink Resistance Up Ink Saver (Main) 16
Takoroka Mainly sportswear, and an Ash Ketchum baseball cap.  Special Charge Up Special Power Up 14
Tentatek Purveyors of post-Yeezy trainers.  Ink Recovery Up Quick Super Jump 13
Toni Kensa Get the catwalk look going here. Walk slowly into battle, turn around, and leave.  Ink Saver (Main) Sub Power Up 12
Zekko Finally, a half-decent Hawaiian shirt. Silk bomber jackets look the business too.  Special Saver Special Charge Up 9
Zink Hi-tops, get yer hi-tops ‘ere!  Quick Super Jump Quick Respawn 16

For some more detail on the abilities themselves, you can read our abilities tier list here.

Check out the rest of our Splatoon 3 guides here, and enjoy stunting on your foes while positively DRIPPING… y’know, like the paint… and the clothes thing young people say… yes I know I’ve said it three times in this article already… ah, whatever.

Pikmin AR Game Lets Players Walk Around Collecting All Sorts of Tracking Data for Niantic

Posted on by Camden Brazile

SAN FRANCISCO — Nintendo’s announced new features for Pikmin Bloom, an augmented reality game akin to Pokémon Go that lets fans walk around collecting all sorts of different tracking data for Niantic.

“I’ve already collected so much data to send in!” said early access player Darren Moore. “I have a whole collection. First I collected what time I usually leave my house, oh and then where I usually go during those times. I reported what time I wake up in the morning, what businesses I frequently visit, and yesterday I used the AR mode to show Niantic the inside of my home and the faces of all my friends and family. It’s so cute, and I’m excited about exercising now so I can walk around giving Niantic information on my demographic.”

Niantic CEO John Hanke explained all the new differences and additions to the game.

“Pokémon Go was an unqualified hit, but we want to make it more special to find a Pikmin in Pikmin Bloom,” Hanke said. “You won’t just find Pikmin in the street, you’ll have to check smaller locations like government buildings or the back of your credit card. Also, with our referral bonus, you can collect an additional daily Pikmin by secretly downloading the app onto a friend’s phone. Setting up Pikmin Bloom is easy, though. Once you put in your name, birthday, enable location services, add fingerprint and retinal scan, you’re all set to start collecting Pikmin once your DNA sample has been received by the Niantic lab. Happy hunting!”

At press time, Niantic reportedly was working on a revolutionary new peripheral for the game that wouldn’t require players to even use their phone for the game once they sew the Pikmin Bloom game patch into their skin.

Warner Bros Discovery CEO Cuts Several Children From His Family

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

NEW YORK — Warner Bros Discovery CEO David Zaslav has shocked the world once again, this time by severing ties with several children of his family abruptly and without a convincing motivation. 

“I think it just makes more sense to get rid of a few children, even if they are beloved,” said Zaslav, while finishing the paperwork that would wipe another dozen shows off of HBO Max. “Just think of how much easier it’ll be for me to find the other children around here, you know? The more popular ones will still be here bopping around when the relatives come over and whatnot, I’m sure it will be fine. They won’t be missed too bad. If anything, I always thought they were a little too animated.” 

The children were shocked at their sudden dismissal from the Zaslav family. 

“Wow, Dad always threatened to abruptly remove us from the family one day, but I didn’t think he’d really do it,” said Todd, 15, son of Zaslav. “I’ve been informed that I’m no longer a part of the family, and that my image will be removed from all photographs and videos of me associating with my now former family. Fuckin’ sucks, man.”

HBO Max subscribers were hardly shocked by the businessman’s latest harsh decision. 

“Wow, that guy is the coldest dude in the world,” said Molly Hunter, a frustrated HBO Max user. “I mean, I thought it was dicked up that he started removing a bunch of my favorite animated shows from the platform, and it was really fucked up when he ditched that entire Batgirl movie entirely that people had worked very hard on. But cutting some of your kids out of the family? This guy is like a straight up villain at this point. Actually, I’m kind of into it. Is he gonna try to take over the world or anything next, has he said?” 

As of press time, Zaslov had vehemently denied he was trying to take over the world. Additionally, seasons three and of The Sopranos are no longer up on HBO Max if you go to look for them. 

Google Shuts Down Stadia, Shocking Gamers Who Assumed They’d Already Done That

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — Google announced Thursday it is discontinuing Stadia, its video game streaming service, in a move that shocked gamers all over the world who had assumed that already happened, sources have confirmed. 

“Wait, they just announced that today?” said local gamer Terry Mullin, who was shocked to hear that the service that was introduced in 2019 was still operating. “You’re fucking with me. I had assumed that went the way of Google Glass and that stupid social media site they tried to start. Why did they stick with it for so long? Next thing you’re gonna tell me Amazon Luna still exists.” 

Google executives confirmed that after an in-depth discussion, they decided it was best for the doomed project if they pulled the plug 34 months into the failed experiment. 

“I kept telling them, ‘You’ll see, you’ll see, one more week,’ and stuff like that,” said Stadia vice president and GM Phil Harrison. “But at the end of the day, in the era of PCs, Switch, Tablets, XBox, Playstation, Smart Phones, Steam Decks, hell even Amazon Luna, I really just thought there was a place in the gaming world for an odd subscription service that absolutely nobody was asking for. Oh well, looks like a smaller bonus for me this year, you know what I mean?”  

Stadia will remain online until January 2023, at which point servers will go offline. As of press time, Stadia had debuted a new UI today for some reason. Weird.

Overwatch 2: All About First-Time User Experience & Defense Matrix

Posted on by Amy Eastland

Blizzard has come in with many changes from Overwatch to Overwatch 2, especially for new players. One of these major changes is the Overwatch First-Time User Experience, for players who never played the first Overwatch. Admittedly, this has left a lot of fans’ excitement dwindling and nervous for what is to come with the arrival of Overwatch 2 as there have been a lot of drastic changes in features that are accessible to new players from the get-go, and what elements have to be earned over time. To some, the features are too drastic and have turned players away because it is too overwhelming, but for some returning players, it might just be the thing they need to keep them in the game and not feel overwhelmed by new players in the competitive scene. 

100 Games To Unlock All Heroes

This doesn’t just apply to the newest Overwatch 2 heroes either. This applies to Overwatch heroes from the previous game. If you didn’t play Overwatch, players will have the task of having to unlock all heroes across the board over 100 games. It isn’t said how many heroes you start with, or specifically who, but that may be yet to come in the next few days before release. 

Overwatch: First-Time User Experience

The FTUE is designed solely for new players of the Overwatch franchise and for players who make their accounts post-launch. They will have to work to unlock features for their accounts, such as certain game modes and communication features. However, they have assured players that it can be unlocked rapidly through playing the game and will then unlock the ability to chat in-game. When in a group with other players, most FTUE restrictions will be lifted so they will be able to have the full experience if they are with their friends. The only exception to this rule is competitive. 

Overwatch 2: Defense Matrix Activated

Overwatch 2 First Time User Experience

Named the Defense Matrix after D.Va’s abilities, they have added a lot of features to be able to protect their players’ old and new. One of these features includes SMS protect. This means that players will have to attach a mobile phone number to their account. This number can only be used once and can only be attached to one account. It also cannot be a number from a pre-paid plan or a VOIP number, which may be an issue for some players. Some players looking forward to Overwatch 2 have also found that due to the SMS protect feature, they won’t be able to play at all and have had to refund their pre-order. 

General chat is also being removed from the game menus as Blizzard felt that it just served as a cesspit for flaming and destructive behaviors. Along with that, they are also adding a feature that has mixed feelings from players all over: audio transcriptions. 

Audio transcriptions allow Blizzard to take a temporary recording of the voice chat that took place within the game to transcribe it using text-to-speech programs at their disposal. Whilst some players may be worried that they will keep the voice files, the transcriptions are only taken as soon as toxic behavior is reported, and no other time. It isn’t said how long the audio logs are kept, but the blog post specifies it isn’t long. 

While they are making other changes through Overwatch 2, these are the main changes that players are concerned about and have found to be the most talked about while considering their time playing Overwatch 2.