Persona 5 Tactica Release Time: When Does P5T Come Out?

Wondering when the Persona 5 Tactica release time & date are? The latest addition to the Persona 5 family of spin-off titles is due soon, and this release guide for Persona 5 Tactica will detail everything you need to know.

Persona 5 Tactica Release Time & Date

After the game accidentally leaked early, Persona 5 Tactica has an official release date of November 17th, 2023 at midnight local time on all consoles: PlayStation 4, PlayStation 5, Xbox One, Xbox Series S, Xbox Series X, and Nintendo Switch. No complex time zone calculation needed–as soon as it turns midnight on your clock, you will be able to jump into Persona 5 Tactica. If your platform supports soft region-switching through the system settings, then you might be able to play early by temporarily switching to New Zealand or any other region available that is even further east. This is especially useful for US and other more western players.

Persona 5 Tactica on PC will have a simultaneous global release set to midnight EST. Regionally this equates to the following:

  • GMT: Nov. 17, 5 AM
  • Europe: Nov. 17, 6 AM
  • Eastern Time: Nov. 17, 12 AM EST
  • Central Time: Nov. 16, 11 PM CST
  • Mountain Time: Nov. 16, 10 PM MST
  • Pacific Time: Nov. 16, 9 PM PST

Is Persona 5 Tactica on Game Pass?

Yes, Persona 5 Tactica is a day one release on both PC Game Pass and Xbox Game Pass. While Play Anywhere functionality is supported, it does not appear that it will be playable via Xbox Cloud Gaming at this time.

What Is The Pre-Order Bonus For Persona 5 Tactica?

The physical, Digital Standard, and Digital Deluxe editions of Persona 5 Tactica all include Orpheus Picaro and Izanagi Picaro as bonuses across all platforms. The Digital Deluxe edition has some extra goodies in the form of a Picaro Summoning Pack & Raoul Persona bonus; a Weapon Pack featuring unique weapons and weapon skins; and a Repaint Your Heart Challenge Pack offering new characters and battles.

That’s everything on the release date for Persona 5 Tactica. Check out our guides for the biggest release of this month: Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3.

Every ‘One Piece’ Story Arc Ranked by Level of Hype for New Readers

Let’s just get this out of the way: One Piece is long. Okay, got it? Now deal with it. Because it’s really good, and it’s filled with some of the best story arcs that anime and manga have to offer. So if you’ve tried for years to get your friends into One Piece but to no avail, here is every story arc ranked by level of hype to issue out.

#28 — Whisky Peak

One of the most inconsequential arcs in the series, Whisky Peak just kind of… happens. Sure it has some key moments like Vivi meeting the Straw Hats, the introduction of Baroque Works, and a ham-fisted “fight” between Luffy and Zoro, but it’s mostly just a blip on the radar as a part of the larger Alabasta saga as a whole. Not really one you want to lead with when telling a friend to check out One Piece.

#27 — Little Garden

Another arc that is just kind of a lead-in to Alabasta, Little Garden introduces us to something very important to the worldbuilding of One Piece at large: giants. Yes, the giants who hail from Elbaf– where we are totally going to at some point! It’s also got dinosaurs, which is something pretty unique to the rest of the series, and a couple of somewhat less-interesting fights against Baroque Works members. I’m glad it’s here, but it’s not really One Piece at its best.

#26 — Punk Hazard

I think even the biggest die-hard fans of One Piece can admit that Punk Hazard is a bit of a slog at times. Most of the arcs post-timeskip are pretty long, and this one is no exception. Granted it does have some pretty cool setpieces, such as the island being half fire and half ice after a battle that occurred there using Devil Fruit powers, but having to hang around those giant kids for so long got real old, real quick. “It gets better I swear, hang in there!”

#25 — Amazon Lily

In a surprising move, the Straw Hat crew was dispersed and separated following the events of Sabaody Archipelago, so we follow Luffy on a solo journey into the Amazon Lily. It’s been a while since we’d spent time with Luffy alone– since what, the first chapter maybe? So it definitely was a little strange to not have the supporting cast around here. That being said, there are some fun comedic antics, but its defining moment is the introduction of Boa Hanock, who’s one-sided love for Luffy will never not be perplexing and hilarious.

#24 — Drum Island

No disrespect to Chopper, I love the little goofball, but Drum Island has always felt like kind of an anomaly to me. It feels like it’s very much its own thing, independent of other stories, but it’s also so tied to the long lead-up to the Straw Hats getting to Alabasta. It’s an unconventional structure, which I don’t mind, but the arc itself is just not one of my favorites! It does have some really strong heartfelt moments though, which are core to what makes One Piece a tremendous series.

#23 — Syrup Village

I like this arc because it’s simple and to the point: bad guy hiding in plain sight, introduction of a key player to the series (Usopp), and bad guy gets wrecked by Luffy. I’ve heard people say that Syrup Village can be the biggest hurdle to get over in the beginning chunk of the series, otherwise known as East Blue, but I still kinda like it! The story would really hit its stride just shortly after this, but Kuro is enough of an engaging villain to hopefully carry new readers long enough to get there.

#22 — Romance Dawn

“Is this really an arc?” I can hear you asking yourself, out loud, while reading this list. Well, the One Piece wiki says it is, and it’s important enough since it’s what kicks off our whole journey! Luffy gets his iconic Straw Hat, beats Alvida, and meets Zoro. Three super impactful moments are right here at the beginning. While it’s not exactly the craziest or most engaging entrypoint to a series, I still marvel at the simplicity and confidence of it, and I think new readers will do the same.

#21 — Dressrosa

I am very conflicted about this one. Because it can sometimes be a real slog to get through (especially if you’re watching the anime version) but it also has one of the greatest villains of the entire series who had been built up for ages: Donquixote Doflamingo. It’s worth noting that One Piece finally gets its obligatory “tournament arc” here in Dressrosa, so anyone looking for some familiar anime tropes can cross that one off the list here.

#20 — Skypiea

One of the most disconnected arcs in the whole series… or is it? The verdict is still out on whether or not Skypiea is actually “the most important arc” or not, but it does appear so far to not connect to very much of the story at all, but that’s likely to change as Oda dishes out further developments and worldbuilding bombs. Still, there’s a lot of great fights and setpieces here. Most of all, new readers/watchers can finally see where that “shocked Enel face” meme comes from.

#19 — Loguetown

Loguetown is short and sweet, but very effective. It brings back previous villains like Buggy and Alvida, introduces new characters like Smoker and Dragon, and sees the Straw Hats set off on the Grand Line once and for all. In some ways, Loguetown is where the series really begins. You know, nearly 100 chapters in. That being said, it’s still sort of a transitional arc, but its one that cements its place in the series by showing what’s come beforehand and what’s to come still, showcasing the tremendous scope that One Piece has to offer.

#18 — Fish-Man Island

I’m just gonna say it, and I know some people out there are gonna agree with me on this: Fish-Man Island gets a lot of unfair hate! I never understood it. Maybe it was just hyped up for too long, and it just didn’t live up to people’s expectations or something. Regardless, there are some really incredible locations and setpieces here that stand out greatly from the rest of the series, due to it taking place on the ocean floor, once again expanding the size of our big world. The villain, Hody Jones, is admittedly one of the weakest in the entire series, but it’s still a fun enough ride that showcases a race of people we had been dying to know more about: the Fish-men.

#17 — Alabasta

Alabasta is the first really big arc in One Piece, but honestly I feel like it only gets better on delivering longform stories later on. Still, there is a lot of build up that is paid off in this arc. As I had mentioned previously in this list, several arcs simply act as lead-ups to Alabasta, showing you just how big of a deal this actually is. Crocodile is an excellent villain in his own right, and his fight with Luffy is one of the best in the series. If someone complains that One Piece stories just aren’t committed enough, tell them to hold on until Alabasta.

#16 — Reverie

Some of the best moments in One Piece are the lore dumps at the end of a story arc, and Reverie is just one big pure-unadulterated dumping of lore. Seriously, so much happens in such a short amount of time here. We’re shown Kuma’s tragic current fate, Sabo gets into some serious trouble, and tons of world leaders are shown, further expanding this already massive world! This brief arc really feels like Oda’s declaration of war: this series is big, but its pay-off will be massive. New readers can get hooked on knowing that level of hype alone.

#15 — Impel Down

This arc really switches things up big time, and shows that One Piece has legs beyond just its main supporting cast. This follows Luffy’s solo journey as we find him breaking into prison to save his brother. Instead of his loyal pirate crew the Straw Hats by his side, he’s now joined by previous antagonists from throughout the series. Everything is unpredictable in this arc, ranging from the prisoners, the prison guards, to the giant underwater prison itself. I think switching up the formula here really did a lot to help One Piece from becoming stale over time, so new readers can take some solace in that.

#14 — Orange Town

It’s a short one, but again, a very effective one. Orange Town feels like we get our first real look at the Straw Hat pirates as a crew, now with three whole members! Luffy, Zoro, and Nami square off against Buggy the Clown and his crew, which feels like the first major threat in the series. Buggy is one of those characters that comes back from time to time throughout the series, so looking back on the original punchline of that joke here really just makes it hit even harder.

#13 — Zou

Zou is comparatively short when put up against other story arcs post-timeskip, but it’s honestly a welcome breath of fresh air after Dressrosa. In true One Piece fashion, the audience is kept guessing on what could possibly happen next as our crew now finds themselves on the back of a gigantic 1000-year-old elephant. Oh, the elephant’s back is also inhabited by a bunch of anthropomorphic animal people, by the way. Zou also acts as sort of a crossroads in the series, due to the crew splitting up after some serious lore dumpage.

#12 — Jaya

I would have ranked this one even higher if it weren’t mostly a gateway into Skypiea, but it does include some of my very favorite moments in the entire series: Luffy’s initial meeting with Marshall Teach, AKA Blackbeard, and the bar stand-off in Mock Town where Bellamy and his crew relentlessly mock Luffy and Zoro for being foolish dreamers as they endure every punch and broken bottle thrown at them. It’s short, but it showcases some key moments about what makes One Piece work at its core. Plus, I remember watching this as one of my friends was over who never had seen One Piece before, and he was just as enthralled as I was.

#11 — Thriller Bark

Thriller Bark is one of those arcs that doesn’t seem all that important until it is way later on (manga readers know what I’m talking about) but it’s still a ton of great fun. Seeing One Piece’s take on zombies is expectedly hilarious, yet also creepy in new ways not seen before in the genre. The lovable skeleton musician Brook is introduced in this one, and there’s a really great fight that sees the Straw Hat crew pitted up against one gigantic villain together.

Top 10 coming up on the next page! One more click for your old pals at Hard Drive? Click the ‘2’ next to continue reading below!

 

Have Some Empathy: Toxic CoD Tween Going Through Rough Patch With Your Mom

Eugene, OR – 13-year-old Tyler Lee’s recent mean-spirited outburst over Xbox voice chat was vexing but ultimately excusable given how rocky things have been with your mom, high-pitched sources tell Hard Drive.

“It doesn’t completely absolve him for his behavior, but Tyler has been under a lot of stress lately,” said Caleb from soccer. “He’s got a lot of responsibilities – between practice, math and his deeply carnal relationship with your mom, he’s just got a lot on his plate. And now the cracks are beginning to show.”

Fellow experts in the voice chat agreed Lee should be cut slack, as your mother can be a sexually demanding woman. Well, at least she was when they all had their turn.

“I don’t think he means the things he said, he’s just stressed,” one voice said while teabagging your character. “He’s usually being drained by your mom once or twice a day but she’s been busy draining me and the boys while we absolutely destroy you so he’s a little pent up.”

It really is true what they say – you never know what someone is going through. A bit of understanding certainly isn’t out of order in situations like these, but is Tyler equipped to navigate these heightened emotions at such a young age?

“You’re like 50, get a real job,” said Tyler when approached for comment, along with several unprintable slurs. “Hold on, I got a nood from your mom, be right back.”

At press time, your mother has neither confirmed nor denied her tryst with the boys from Pwner69 clan.

Here Are the Nominees for the Biggest Things You Missed Out On This Year While Gaming

The Game Awards host, Geoff Keighley, revealed the full list of categories and nominees this week. Among them is a new category: the new FOMO award. Not only is the night meant for celebrating the potential picks for 2023’s Game of the Year, but also all the cool things you missed out on because you were busy playing them. Here are the nominees:

Taylor Swift: The Eras Tour

The sixth concert tour from singer-songwriter and America’s sweetheart was the can’t-miss event of 2023. And yet, you missed this journey through her musical eras because you just had to beat the Resident Evil 4 remake on Professional. I suppose Swift’s many fits don’t hold a blue-flame candle to Leon in his Pinstripe suit.

Barbenheimer

The movie event of the year — Barbie and Oppenheimer each opened on the same day to high praise from critics and audiences alike. While the world was watching Margot Robbie and Cillian Murphy on the big screen, you were watching Alan Wake recap videos so you’d have a clue what would be going on in the sequel.

Kayaking Trip With Emma & Friends

Not only was this a delightful afternoon, drifting down the Brandywine Creek, but it could have been the prime time to get closer with Emma. We know you’ve had a crush on her since the first grade. But since you were too busy trying to build something that could float in Tears of the Kingdom, Emma floated in her kayak with that new guy in the group, Greg.

The New York City Marathon

You always said you would do a marathon and by sheer luck you got in this year through the lottery system. You’d never been to New York City before but honestly there’s not much else to see once you’ve completed Spider-Man 2 — which obviously you did.

Dad’s Funeral

No one could have expected this. The doctor tried their best. Mom might be upset you didn’t prepare a eulogy or even show up at all. Though I think Dad would understand how urgent it was for you to get to the Githyanki Creche. There is a mind flayer parasite in your head and it needs to come out… kind of like Dad’s tumor.

Emma & Greg’s Wedding

Wow zowie. Emma and Greg move real quick, huh? It’s been a wild year but that day out kayaking really was magical. Not only did you miss the wedding, but had you played your card right, that could have been you at the altar. On the other hand, it was pretty cool see Mario turn into an elephant.

Which once-in-a-lifetime event you’ll never get another chance at has you vote for this year’s Game Awards? What life events got snubbed or overlooked? Let us know in the comments.

Call of Duty MW3 Longshot Guide: Launcher Longshot Distance

If you’re clearing out weapon challenges in Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, chances are you probably aren’t thinking about Rocket Launcher longshots. However, these do exist and will require you to obtain all camos and other customization items. In general, these longshots are hard to obtain because of the sheer amount of distance needed to qualify as a kill. You’ll need to spend an ample amount of time focusing on this class above others. Here is everything you need to know about the Launcher longshot distance and methods in MW3

Launcher Class Longshot Distance in MW3Rocket Launcher Longshot MW3

To get a qualifying longshot kill with a weapon in the launcher class, the kill needs to be from at least 30 meters away. This is quite the distance that will require plenty of luck and strategic planning. 

While you can get the job done with a traditional rocket launcher, you are going to have a much easier (and less stressful) time opting to attempt longshot kills with a grenade launcher. For this, we recommend the RGL-80. At this time, it’s already a weapon that is accurate with loads of damage in MW3. It’s perfect for longshots. 

Best Modes for Longshot Kills

Call of Duty MW3 GhostThe best mode for these kills is Ground War. While you can succeed with longshots in traditional modes like Team Deathmatch, the larger maps found in Ground War allow for a more sandbox experience. Essentially, this means you can attempt longer kills since the maps are much larger. This is useful for plenty of reasons. Mainly, the natural open nature of the maps means things are wider open for kills. Tighter maps like Rust, for instance, could lead to tricky attempts at Launcher longshot kills in MW3.

If you attempt these challenges in Team Deathmatch, familiarize yourself with the 16 different maps available in this year’s Call of Duty here.

Both John Krasinski Fans Sign Petition to Replace Pedro Pascal as Reed Richards

HOLLYWOOD — It was announced today that Pedro Pascal will be playing Reed Richards in the upcoming Fantastic Four reboot set in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, inciting both die-hard John Krasinski fans to start a petition to recast the role immediately.

“We just wanted some good news, but we got the worst fucking news imaginable tonight,” explained Krasinski superfan Alfred Thomas. “I sprinted to my laptop and started a change.org petition immediately. Right now, there is one other person in there besides me, with signatures expected to skyrocket over the coming days, possibly months or years.”

People were confused upon seeing the petition make the rounds online.

“I don’t know, he was fine on The Office I guess?” said Mark Richter in a reply. “I really don’t know why anyone gives a shit about this. Personally, I’m pretty sick of both of these guys, but I wasn’t gonna see this shameless cash grab anyway.”

Pascal was notified that the petition started just hours after his casting announcement.

“I don’t know, my agent just tells me that geeks and dorks love to see me in this kind of stuff,” explained Pascal. “And I just go along with it. Star Wars, Last of Us, and now Marvel. No offense or anything, and none to Krasinski either. You just gotta go where the money is, and these days, obsessive nerds have all the money.”

At press time, Pascal was simultaneously cast as Jim Halpert in the long-rumored The Office reboot.

Call of Duty MW3 Longshot Guide: Pistol Longshot Distance

The Pistol or Handgun class is challenging to get a longshot within Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3. Due to a number of factors, these guns tend not to have the greatest optics to choose from. Additionally, they aren’t meant for long-range combat, but rather close-range. 

As for longshots, you might be familiar with these if you played Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. They can be challenging to get, as a kill only qualifies as a longshot from a certain distance. With that being said, let’s dive into the longshot requirements for Pistols and Handguns in MW3

How to Get Pistol Longshot in MW3Pistol Longshot MW3

For a gun in the Pistol or Handgun class to qualify as a longshot, it must be from at least 20 meters. This only goes for the above classes, as each class has a different longshot distance requirement. Generally, the game is generous with shorter-range weapons having shorter longshot distances and vice versa.

You should look at getting these longshot kills with a pistol like the Basilisk or TYR. These revolvers offer more damage and can kill with a headshot, even at a longshot distance. The lighter machine pistols are much more tricky to get kills at long-range with, as the spread is noticeably bad. 

Best Place to Get Longshots

As for the best places in the game to get longshots, we recommend smaller MW3 multiplayer maps for this class. Since the requirement is only 20 meters, it shouldn’t be too difficult to shoot enemies with a pistol. Additionally, both the pre-game Warzone 2 lobby and the MW3 Zombies mode are great alternatives if you aren’t finding success with the multiplayer side of things.

Longshots offer a variety of rewards, including new customization items, camos, and challenges. After you unlock these by getting longshots, check out how to equip new loading screens in the latest CoD title!

BREAKING: Giancarlo Esposito Posing in Photo with Some Geek Thing

HOLLYWOOD — It was reported that Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul actor Giancarlo Esposito had been posing for photographs while holding memorabilia from some sort of geek thing.

“He’s just having some fun I guess,” said Esposito’s talent agent Tim Gerkins. “People like to meet him at conventions, and for whatever reason they usually ask him to hold some kind of toy or plush doll when they get their picture taken. I don’t get it, and neither does he I don’t think, but again, it’s all in good fun. I hope.”

Fans expressed gratitude for Esposito’s hospitality.

“I thought he was gonna be all stern and creepy, like his character Gus Fring,” said Samantha Thomas, a cosplayer. “But he’s actually really nice in person! My friends and I had him take pictures with us while holding plushies from Chainsaw Man and Five Nights at Freddy’s. He said that was so awesome.”

Esposito himself weighed in on the discussion.

“I think people are just happy to see me, and I am happy to see them,” explained Esposito. “No, I don’t know what any of this stuff is, but for some reason people want me to hold their little dollies when we get our picture taken.”

At press time, Giancarlo Esposito was seen stomping around the set of The Boys while wearing his big red Astro Boy boots.

We Rank Chris Jericho’s Gimmicks by How Much They Made Us Consider Listening to Fozzy

A wrestler’s gimmick is their connection to the audience. With over 30 years in the wrestling business, Chris Jericho has been a master at reinventing his image and compelling the crowd. His band Fozzy, however, not so much. Despite being the only band that has lasted beyond that weird phase of wrestlers releasing their own music, we have not listened to a single Fozzy song in its entirety. Chris Jericho may never see his music on anyone’s Spotify wrapped, but on this list he’ll see his gimmicks ranked by how much they made us consider listening to a single Fozzy song in its entirety.

#16 Super Liger

Being the nemesis of Jyushin Thunder Liger by having an alternate attire version of him is funny, but not enough to make me want to listen to Chris Jericho’s music career. Jericho had troubles seeing through the mask and as a result, botched multiple moves in his debut match. We’re not wearing a mask and we have trouble seeing a reason to listen to Fozzy.

#15 Cowboy Chris Jericho

Did you know Chris Jericho had a cowboy gimmick? We googled if Canada had cowboys and it’s true, it’s damn true. So much for the rant we had about cultural appropriation and a John Wayne America First joke.

Still, no Fozzy for us unless it’s an entrance song.

#14 Painmaker

In a hypothetical deathmatch between Painmaker Chris Jericho and Art the Clown, Art would turn this into a shoot and actually murder Painmaker. We are saddened that his cameo in Terrifer 2 did not include this. We have reached out to Damien Leone to prevent Fozzy from being on the next film.

#13 Rockstar Chris Jericho

He self-inserts Fozzy into his character and has a Battle of The Bands against John Cena rapping and we’re still not turning it on. In true heel fashion, Chris Jericho pulls out of the Battle of The Bands and does not perform as the crowd boos him mercilessly. I do the same thing when Fozzy comes on even if I’m home alone.

#12 JeriShow

Our nostalgia wore off during the attempted JeriShow reunion in AEW. No matter how long he keeps doing it we have no nostalgia for Fozzy.

#11 Undisputed Champion

Despite having both world titles, his run didn’t fully blossom in a way we’d appreciate. This is what’s known as a “transitional champion.” Much like we are transitioning to another band after pressing skip when Fozzy comes on.

#10 The Best In The World At What He Does

He was the “best in the world” before CM Punk, and thought that could be the angle of their big feud “best in the world vs best in the world.” Good idea. But there’s no angle that’s getting us to listen to Fozzy.

#9 Y2J

Break The Walls Down is such a good theme song, and so was this era of Chris Jericho. Not good enough to convince me to turn on Fozzy though.

#8 The Golden Jets

Not even Kenny Omega can convince us to give Fozzy a try. We’re going to just go watch him be an accessory to racial violence in Captain Laserhawk: A Blood Dragon Remix instead.

#7 Jericho Appreciation Society

We asked Sammy Guevara if he enjoyed Fozzy and he just talked about how AEW Fight Forever should have a dating sim DLC.

#6 Thrillseeker

Maybe if Jim Cornette was a record executive he’d pushed Fozzy to greater heights, like convincing me to even give a two or three song try. But he isn’t and I won’t.

#5 Lionheart

Fozzy does not have a song named after this gimmick. This is disappointing. Almost as disappointing as learning there is a Fozzy cover of Black Sabbath’s Fairies Wear Boots that we are trying so hard to resist. Damn ok, maybe I’ll give Fozzy a listen.

#4 Le Champion

Don’t ask Chris Jericho about where his wife was on January 6th. He sent Suit Jericho after us with a cease and desist.

#3 The Best In The World At What He Does Jericho (Again, But Just For His Suits)

He’d sue us for slander for putting him at number three, despite being on this list twice. Settling out of court by buying a copy of All That Remains is a viable option here. Due to a loophole in our NDA, we can say Heff Jardy wouldn’t do this to us. Suit Jericho, we have no more words.

#2 The List of Chris Jericho

We don’t want to be on The List. Our website is already on a government watchlist and we are on thin ice. Suit Jericho found our list and now we’re going to be on his. Please Jericho, don’t put us on the list! Ok ok ok fine we’ll listen to Fozzy! You’re one of the GOATs, we’ll listen to Fozzy!

#1 The Man of 1004 Holds

1004 holds mastered in your mid-twenties? None of us want to be placed in the Saskatchewan Spinning Nerve Hold, the armbar, the armdrag, the armbar again (but differently, we swear), the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Cradunzle, or deal with Suit Jericho and The List. Bravo Chris Jericho, you have intimidated us to listen to Fozzy.

Editor’s Note: Hold #10 is a right-hand punch. This makes Chris Jericho a liar and The Man of 1003 Holds. We feel deceived and are revoking our promise to listen to Fozzy.

FX Confirms ‘The Bear’ Season 3 Will Require No Prior MCU Knowledge

HOLLYWOOD — Hit TV series The Bear has officially been renewed for season 3. With both the WGA strike and SAG-AFTRA strike coming to an end, those involved have finally been able to answer audience questions about the future of the series. Conversations have mostly centered on whether you need to catch up on the Marvel movies and Disney Plus shows to follow the new season.

“Why am I even clarifying this?” stated executive producer and series creator, Christopher Storer. “This is our third season. We’re a show about a sandwich shop in Chicago. Why would someone think they need to know everything about some norse god fucking around with time and space to understand the struggles of opening a restaurant?”

Questions sparked following a recent press release from Marvel Studios announcing all Disney-owned network and streaming shows will be joining the MCU. This includes Disney Channel, ABC, National Geographic, ESPN, FX, and Hulu originals.

“We’re thrilled to announce Jeremey Allen White will be joining the MCU,” said Kevin Feige, President of Marvel Studios, in a press release. “He’ll be portraying the beloved new hero, ‘The Bear’—a Chicagoan heartthrob with the power to become physically ill when feeling anxious.”

“I didn’t really care either way about being part of Marvel, but now they got me I guess” mumbled Jeremy Allen White, star of The Bear, while avoiding eye contact. “A story about me has been circulating. A while back, I met with Marvel and I guess I had a bit of an attitude because they told me to fuck off. But then the other day I woke up to an email from Kevin that just said ‘Fuck you, you’re mine.’”

At press time, leaked images surfaced on Twitter of presumably an upcoming season 3 Christmas episode. The screenshots include Jeremy Allen White alongside John Mulaney, Bob Odenkirk, and Rocket Racoon.