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Oh No! Capcom Announces Plans to Unmake ‘Resident Evil 4’

OSAKA Having successfully re-released and remade Resident Evil 4, Capcom disappointed longtime fans of the franchise today by announcing their plans to unmake the survival horror classic.

“Wait, what?” asked local gamer Dana Vincent, after watching a livestream promoted by Capcom as one that would unveil the future of the Resident Evil franchise. “I thought they might announce a remake of 5, or a new spinoff game or something. Certainly didn’t think they’d talk all about how they were going to delete all of the original files and ask everyone to send them in their copies. That won’t work, right?”

Despite the alleged implausibility of the plan, Capcom remained firm.

“As of January 1, 2024, Resident Evil 4 will no longer exist. We’re unmaking it,” said Capcom President Haruhiro Tsujimoto. “We had a good run putting this bad boy out on every system we could for the last 20 or so years, and now I think it’s time we reach the inevitable conclusion and take it out back and shoot it in the head.”

When asked if there were any plans for the series to come back in a new Resident Evil 4: Back to Life Special Edition, Tsujimoto said he liked that idea and scribbled something down on a piece of paper. Our interview was cut short immediately afterwards. For now, players are scrambling to finish the game that is set to expire at the end of the year.

“Shit, man,” said another local gamer that was mystified by the announcement. “Why’d they just release DLC if they were just gonna unmake it at the end of the year? None of these companies make any sense.”

As of press time, Naughty Dog has volunteered to remake Resident Evil 4 next year if nobody is gonna be doing anything with it.