ROCKBELL BRIDGE — Pushing a traveling knight’s patience to the absolute brink, sources have confirmed that local gatekeeping troll Ugnor, infamous for his overbearing riddles forty-seven, was once again asking for way too much time and patience.
“Halt, weary traveler! If you wish to pass my hallowed bridge, you must first answer my riddles forty-seven!” bellowed Ugnor. “You shan’t phone a friend, nor may you offer any half-assed guesses! Each riddle requires your undivided attention and mark my words, if you answer incorrectly, we will restart from the very beginning! Yes, answer my forty-seven riddles, and then you may- actually, hold on, I just thought of another one! Forty-eight, it is!”
Local knight Arthur Ironhouse reportedly became very impatient after Ugnor forgot his place and insisted on restarting.
“By the gods, can we please be finished?” complained Ironhouse, who ultimately sacrificed seven hours and twenty-six minutes answering each and every riddle. “Usually it’s a quick three-riddle deal and then I’m on my way, but forty-fucking-eight?! I have things to do, man – I’ve got a damsel at four o’ clock, and a dragon at seven. Do you really have to use every riddle you can think of? You couldn’t have whittled it down to your best three? My whole schedule is thrown off now.”
A moment of vulnerability overcame Ugnor as he reached the final riddle.
“Truth be told, it’s not about the riddles,” confessed Ugnor. “Each riddle I pose is but a mere plea for connection in an otherwise solitary existence. Forty-eight? You’re right, maybe it is a little excessive, but each answer you give is a momentary break from the silence that haunts me every moment. So, valiant knight, why don’t you indulge this old troll a tad longer before the silence returns?”
As of press time, a group of knights were crowdfunding to build a second, troll-free bridge right next to Ugnor’s.
