SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk gathered the Twitter engineering team for a meeting yesterday to assign a nearly impossible task: filling the deep emptiness he feels at the core of his being.
“Look at all this money I have! Look at all the likes and retweets. My fans all think I’m really cool and smart. Why isn’t it enough? Why do I still feel this way?” asked Musk, citing a constant, gnawing hunger in his chest that only seems to get worse the more attention he gets. “It’s ridiculous. Solve the problem this week or you’re all fired.”
Despite making countless changes to the Twitter algorithm, including a tweak that boosts his posts across the site, Musk claims there must still be a fatal flaw somewhere in the software, causing him to get no lasting fulfillment from anything he does.
“If you conduct a simple review of my life, you’ll uncover multiple data points that prove I should feel happy and complete with what I have. Look at this graph,” Musk said, pointing to an upward arrow labeled ‘how great I am’ and beginning to raise his voice. “I’ve got a bunch of kids. I’ve got my health. I’m friends with lots of interesting people. I will never want for anything in life, ever, because of my obscene wealth. So, it makes zero logical sense that I would still, after all of that, be obsessed with what other people think of me. It’s fucking pathetic and it needs to stop. My life needs to mean something. This is now priority number one.”
Twitter staff complained privately that the task was simply not feasible with the current technology, especially given the recent layoffs.
“We’re stretched thin already, just trying to keep the site running. But honestly, I don’t think we could do what he’s asking even if we had a million geniuses with a million supercomputers. There’s something missing inside that guy. There’s an ineffable lack of human spirit that can’t be replaced with cars and rockets and Tweets. Everyone can see it. Everyone can hear the cold wind whipping through the center of him. And he knows it,” said an engineer who asked to remain anonymous in order to keep her job. “It would be sad to watch, if he wasn’t such a dick.”
At press time, Musk had reportedly fixed the problem himself by tweeting a meme.
NEW YORK — The latest issue of Marvel’s Star Wars: Yoda has expanded on the background of the titular Jedi, depicting his first encounter with the being who will become his master: a wrinkled, mole-like creature named Q’reg who stands only 7 inches tall and speaks entirely in unintelligible aphorisms.
“The goal with this series is to give fans that same feeling they had when they first met Yoda in The Empire Strikes Back,” said writer Calvin Stock. “That’s why we had to make Q’reg even smaller and more confusing than Yoda. Whereas Yoda says, ‘Do or do not. There is no try,’ Q’reg says, ‘Of no use is a coward’s bile to God.’ Yoda tries to steal Luke’s rations, while Q’reg sells loose cigarettes and runs small-time cons for bus fare.”
Fan reaction to the new character has been mixed.
“To me, Yoda’s master will always be N’Kata Del Gormo,” said Jordan Kenner, referring to a character from the now-defunct Legends continuity. “But I do like how Q’reg is 9000 years old. It’s like how Yoda was 900, except it’s an even bigger number.”
The series, which debuted in November 2022, presented several unique challenges for artist Nico Philips.
“When I got the script for this issue, it kept describing the scenery as though it were a swamp like Yoda’s original appearance,” said Philips. “Since the story takes place on the hyper-urban planet of Coruscant, I assumed it was a mistake. But no, they wanted me to put mangrove trees and lizards in an alley behind the Jedi Temple. I would get drafts sent back with notes like, ‘swampier,’ and, ‘more snakes.’ I think I’ve permanently altered the canonical ecology of the planet at this point just to make this story work.”
At press time, the writing team behind Star Wars: Yoda were reportedly in progress developing a story surrounding a baby version of Q’reg who is even cuter and more innocent than Baby Yoda.
LOS ANGELES — A taping of Celebrity Jeopardy! reportedly went off the rails Thursday when guest contestant Giancarlo Esposito stalled the show with a chilling speech about power and control.
“I answer questions for no man,” Esposito began in a cold monotone. “Your little games and trivia bore me, and my patience for these droll anecdotes wanes with every passing round. You call this show ‘Jeopardy,’ yes? I believe this to be a misnomer. Despite what you may believe, I am in no danger. My life is at no risk. It is you who should be afraid. It is you who should be asking yourself questions, or rather answers. You think you have trapped me, like the hunter ensnares his defenseless prey. But if you dare to challenge my knowledge of Potpourri or Famous Bridges, you will see how a hungry dog can bite when he has nothing left to lose.”
Celebrity Jeopardy! host Mayim Bialik said the ordeal was just as compelling as it was terrifying.
“Before the show, he was warm and inviting, smiling and speaking softly about how he was excited to play,” the Big Bang Theory actress said. “When we started putting money on the line, his brow furrowed and a grim frown creeped across his face, as he began calmly explaining to me why I shouldn’t dare deprive his charity of the million dollar prize. His unblinking, unflinching stare is burned into my brain, and even though his voice never raised above a low monotone, it froze me to my core. I couldn’t bare to continue on to Double Jeopardy, I sprinted home to check on my family and make sure he hadn’t already gotten to them.”
At press time, sources reported that after getting the show back on track, the game reached an unsettling yet thrilling climax when Esposito’s Final Jeopardy answer was revealed to be ‘Who will show you mercy?’ before the studio lights suddenly cut out.
Listen, Animal Crossing is great and all but there comes a time — particularly with recent addition New Horizons — where you’ve heard everything your villagers have to say. They just walk around repeating dialogue and behaviours that you’ve seen before and it becomes clearer than ever to you that these funny little furballs aren’t your real friends, but actually just walking piles of code.
Enter 2020’s Spiritfarer. A similarly relaxing management game/life SIM with a focus on endings. You manage a boat, on which you ferry lost souls through to the afterlife — but not before getting to know them and catering to their every need so that they can pass on satisfied, and with closure. In every sense; musically, artistically and thematically, Spiritfarer is beautiful.
You live alongside these colourful characters in a similar way to the villagers in Animal Crossing. You build structures like gardens, farms and kitchens to appease them, you use those facilities alongside them and you chat to them at your leisure. But the difference is that every character here has a genuine narrative arc. A beginning, middle and end wherein you learn about their lives, watch them ruminate on them and come to some often heart-wrenching conclusions at their end as they finally pass over. Do you think Ricky The Squirrel would ever have the dignity to consider his own mortality or the meaning of life? No. He’s too busy hounding you for Monarch Butterflies every day.
Beyond its profound themes and character moments, Spiritfarer has some real meat on its bones too. Often these more artsy, narrative games lack in the gameplay department, but not so here. Spiritfarer is carefully adorned with numerous satisfying gameplay loops and free exploration out in the open sea which will lead you to gorgeous new settlements (that take clear inspiration from European, Japanese and American cultures) and even the occasional mine or mountain that constitutes a nifty little platforming challenge! There’s a lot more explicit fun to be had in this game’s world than its tender disposition may imply. Just jumping around, hovering all over your ship with your magical hat feels great!
In this age of instant gratification, Twitter billionaires and Ubisoft games I — like most gamers, have become quite cynical. No piece of media in a long time has been able to make me particularly emotional, let alone shed a tear. Spiritfarer was the first thing in years to do that, to even begin to thaw my icy gamer heart. This game’s ending sequence presents an emotional crescendo so beautiful that it actively encouraged me to check up on my Mum right after the credits rolled, just to see how she was doing.
I’ve got a lot of love for my man Tom Nook, but he could never.
I would recommend Spiritfarer to anyone who:
Likes games that end at the right time and don’t insist on themselves. (It’s about 16-20 hours.)
Craves more depth in their interactions in the likes of Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley.
Enjoys serene management games where you can take things at your own pace.
I would not recommend Spiritfarer to anyone who:
Fears death. Because damn, that shit be everywhere in this game,
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 & Warzone 2 Season 2 has brought tons of new content into the game, including Ashika Island, Path of Ronin Challenges, DMZ updates, weapons, and much more. The three new weapons that have made a debut in Season 2 are the KV Broadside shotgun, ISO Hemlock assault rifle, and Dual Kodachis melee weapon. Among these, melee weapons are always more hyped and popular among players. Learn how you can unlock Dual Kodachis melee weapon in COD: Modern Warfare 2 and Warzone 2 with our Dual Kodachis Unlock Guide!
CoD MW2 & Warzone 2: How To Unlock Dual Kodachis Melee
Dual Kodachis are a powerful melee weapon that can move quickly toward enemies and has a long range of damage. They have the potential to kill the target in one strike; however, it comes at the cost of slower strafe and sprint speed.
The good part is that you will be able to unlock them for free by navigating through the nodes of the battle pass and reaching B13. You can do it by playing Modern Warfare 2 & Warzone 2 and collecting tokens in the game, and in order to reach B13 quickly, you can go through B1, B2, B5, and B9. You can do all of these unlocks with just the free battle pass, too, so you don’t have to spend a dime to unlock this fan-favorite weapon.
The Dual Kodachis are deadly in situations where the opponent is not expecting you to hold a position. Or, if you are flanking, you can take the enemy by surprise. Dual Kodachis were added to the original Call of Duty: Modern Warfare in the Season 5 update, and if you are a fan of this weapon, you can now start grinding and slaying the opponents with it in MW2 and Warzone 2.
Looking for more Call of Duty guides? Check out our helpful MW2 longshot distance guide to help you grind out camo challenges!
Apex Legends players have a lot to look forward to. Not only has the sixteenth season begun, but it’s also coinciding with the fourth anniversary. There may not be a new map or a new legend, but there is still a ton of new cosmetics and events to earn, including some via Twitch Drops.
Twitch drops have been enabled for the first few days of the new season and allow players to unlock exclusive items. If you’re curious whether they’re worth it, here are the Apex Legends Season 16 Twitch Drops that invested viewers can earn.
What are the Apex Legends Season 16 Twitch Drops?
Every day from February 14th to February 17th, up to three rewards can be claimed for watching streamers play. While these rewards are mostly unique, the reward types and the intervals at which they’ll drop are the same.
Transitions – After 1 hour of watch time
Unique Gun Charm – After 2 hours of watch time
Apex Pack – After 3 hours of watch time
Your eyes aren’t deceiving you if you think some of these look familiar, as the loading screen transitions are all community-made works that were previously available as Twitch Drops for season 10. For those that missed out, this is a great time to finally get them along with the new gun charms.
The time spent watching isn’t going to roll over into the next day, so you’ll have to remind yourself to head over to Twitch to watch some games. Each set of drops will be available starting from 8am PT one day and until 8am PT the following day.
How to Connect Apex Legends and Twitch Accounts
If you’ve never unlocked Twitch Drops before, you’ll likely need to connect your Twitch account to your EA account. You can still watch and claim drops, but the rewards won’t be usable in-game until your accounts are connected. Here are the steps to do so:
Log into your EA Account and accept the connection.
Follow these steps and the hard part is over. All that’s left is to sit back and watch your current or future favorite streamers play for a few hours each day. Just remember to claim them from the Twitch Drops Inventory page to make them usable the next time you log into Apex Legends.
ST. LOUIS — Upon returning to his favorite roguelike, Enter the Gungeon, local gamer Tyler Merck sat up in his chair before starting up another arduous, hour-long run of the game’s Wiki community.
“These games are so punishing, sometimes they send you all the way back to the front page of the fandom Wiki page,” Merck said. “Every time I fire up the game again I prepare myself for a long, difficult journey through the Wikipedia’s various subsections and tier lists. A lot of the time, I don’t even get past the first boss dropdown menu. That’s how tough these games can be.”
Enter the Gungeon streamer Ryan Cleghorn said that mastering the Wikipedia page is the best way to start playing the game.
“I’ve been livestreaming Gungeon every day for almost three years straight now, and I’m proud to say I’ve almost completed my first run of the game,” Cleghorn told reporters. “There are a lot of setbacks, every time I get a new item or gun, I check the in-game description and laugh at the silly one-liner or reference, and then it dawns on me that I have no actual information about the item or its mechanics. Each time I finish reading an article on the Wiki, I foolishly close the tab, thinking ‘well, that settles that’ even though I know I’m going to have to Google something again in the very next room when I see a minigame I don’t recognize.”
The Enter the Gungeon Wiki creator claimed that often the wiki mimics the gungeon itself.
“Players are forced to navigate a dense, sprawling maze with new information and pitfalls constantly being thrown at them, and then once they close the Wikipedia page the game is also pretty difficult,” said Wiki editor Felicia Regan. “As they progress, they’re constantly unlocking new areas and bosses to read detailed dossiers about, and after hours and hours of prep and practice, you start to click through the wiki with relaxed ease.”
At press time, sources reported that Merck had finally defeated the third chamber of the game, unlocking a brand new section of the Wikipedia page for him to religiously peruse.
TINLEY PARK, Ill. — After agreeing to help clean out his grandma’s basement in exchange for 20 dollars and a free home cooked meal, gamer Austin Pottle stumbled upon a collection of rare amiibo figurines that were reportedly quite valuable.
“I’ve been collecting amiibos since the Wii U days, but I’ve never seen these before,” said Austin of the limited-edition figurines. “I looked ‘em up online, and guess what—they’re worth a ton! I tried scanning them into Smash Bros. first, but they weren’t compatible. Apparently they’re from some game called ‘Precious Moments’. I hadn’t heard of it before, but it seems like it’s pretty popular. I wonder how much a physical copy costs.”
Austin’s grandma, Beverly Pottle, was happy to see him get motivated about something for a change.
“I’m glad that Austin is so enthusiastic about cleaning out my rumpus room!” said Beverly. “He even offered to organize a garage sale next week, and said he would be in charge of sales and handling all the money! Normally he spends his time collecting a bunch of worthless pieces of plastic that end up sitting around and collecting dust. Could you imagine living like that?”
Austin’s cousin, Danny Lafeber, caught wind of Austin’s motives and quickly swooped in.
“Oh hell no. I’ve had my eye on those figurines for years. I think they’re Figmas — or possibly Nendoroids,” said Lafeber. “They’re from an old anime called ‘Precious Moments’ that you probably haven’t heard of, but I definitely have. I’ve seen all the episodes in the original Japanese. Still trying to track down the Blu-rays somewhere for my collection.”
At press time, the whole family had shown up at the garage sale to make a few bucks, which was the first time they had all been together in the same place in years.
If you’re looking for something to hold you over until the massive release of The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom and you’ve already played the shit out of surprise indie Hi-Fi Rush, one Zelda game that you may have missed — and should definitely check out if you did — is 2019’s Cadence of Hyrule.
From the team behind Crypt of the NecroDancer, Cadence of Hyrule is a rhythm-based throwback to old Zelda games with roguelike elements and multiple playable characters. That probably sounds like a bunch of buzzwords, but it’s basically a bunch of Zelda screens, filled with enemies, that you have to hop around killing to the beat of remixes of Zelda songs.
You mostly play as Link and Zelda, but you can unlock a few other characters and a handful of weapons and tools that makes each room feel like a cool puzzle where you need to figure out how to eliminate everything. The rhythm element isn’t super hard to get the hang of, but it’s a really cool way to force you to always be on the move, shuffling around the screen without a chance to sit around and think for too long. Not to mention, Zelda songs are fucking dope.
Seriously, listen to how good the menu theme (a remix of the Ocarina of Time theme) is:
And Nintendo is so good at making games that feel great to pick up and play for a few minutes at a time, whether you’re on the bus commuting or playing on the roof at a party that only exists in a commercial. The different screens (and dungeons) are randomly ordered, so you can replay the game multiple times (I personally have played through this game like 5 times since it came out) and it even has couch co-op. Couch co-op! In this day and age! And even better, it’s the kind where someone can just jump in any time they want without interrupting your progress or forcing you to start a new save file.
Cadence of Hyrule really feels like a throwback to the older games, with top-down combat, cool pixel-art sprites, and emphasis on exploration. But obviously, with its rhythm-based gameplay and overall musical aesthetic (a lot of the enemies have specific music-based attacks and designs), it feels totally unique to other Zelda games.
Ultimately, Cadence of Hyrule is a really fun indie game with a ton of surprises that you can beat in just 6 hours. On the other hand, the game has a ton of content that you can replay over and over until Tears of the Kingdom comes out and absolutely takes over your life and ruins all of your relationships.
Cadence of Hyrule is probably for you if:
You like Zelda games.
You like rhythm-games.
You like indie games.
You don’t have a ton of time to game.
It may not be for you if:
You have absolutely no sense of rhythm and you are too ashamed to turn on the “no rhythm” option even though no one would ever know — but you would know, and at the end of the day, that’s who counts the most.
You can buy Cadence of Hyrule in either a digital or physical format on Nintendo Switch. Just keep in mind that if you want the physical cartridge, you’ll have to pay a bit of a premium.
“Read the manga, it’s better.” So many anime fans have received this unsolicited advice over the years, and it’s largely because of one of the greatest, most heinous villains in all of anime history. No, I’m not talking about Frieza, Griffith, or the dreaded Truck-Kun– I’m talking about the dreaded “filler episode”. But this villain may be on the last legs of its final-final-FINAL form.
Filler– a word that strikes fear and disgust in the hearts of anime fans the world over. But, what is it exactly? Basically, most anime are adapted from manga series once they get successful enough (I.E. sell enough volumes or rank high enough in Jump popularity contests which are exactly what they sound like). However, since it’s important to strike while the iron is hot, many of these adaptations are greenlit prematurely, when there isn’t quite enough source material to go off of.
Both anime fans and Game of Thrones fans know the pain of a great adaptation running out of source material, and the disaster that can quickly turn into. As Gintama brilliantly explains in the clip above, an anime catching up to it’s manga of origin can go one of three ways:
It takes a roundabout (a song that never existed before JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure) pathway of filler episodes, usually making up stories exploring the characters’ day-to-day lives. Even worse, it may create “filler arcs” including plotlines and villains that are inconsequential and don’t affect characters’ development whatsoever– just to be safe. Or maybe everyone goes to the beach for an episode and gets really horny. Either way, eventually it will adapt the manga again like nothing ever happened, until they once again run out of source material and repeat the process as needed.
The anime says “fuck it” and goes their own way- “AGTOW”, some are saying. Once it catches up, they bullshit the rest of the story on their own, doing something wholly original. Usually, the animators will go out of their way to reach out to the author and make sure they aren’t treading on the original manga’s intended plotline. It can be hit or miss, but if fans complain enough, another studio will re-adapt the series again with a “closer to the manga this time” selling point.
Episodes are padded for time. While they may not include filler episodes per se, the pacing of the actual source material can take a brutal hit here. We’ve all seen fight scenes that last way, way, WAY too long, or episodes that have an absolutely unnecessary amount of flashbacks and recaps, in case you forgot something that happened two minutes prior. This can often be the least desirable outcome, because fans can’t simply skip episodes that are non-canon. Instead, they have to sit through Frieza planning to blow up Planet Namek for a lot longer than the five minutes he promised it would take.
For a very long time, this has been the standard for anime that are adapted from existing manga, which again, is the overwhelming majority of them. But after enough fan outcry, and probably low ratings, sales, and crashing/burning, the tides may be changing.
“I’m a throw-away villain! Fear my generic motives!” -Yu-Gi-Oh!: The Abridged Movie
For a long time, most long-running anime series were required by law (or contract) to be airing new episodes 52 weeks a year. No season breaks– just keep drawing and keep producing. In an industry where time crunch is already a severe problem and employees are hospitalized for being overworked, this decision is baffling. Most viewers don’t even seem to like the filler episodes! While modern anime doesn’t fix everything, they seem to have found a more preferable solution.
That’s right, filler episodes– your days are numbered! Popular anime series of the 2010s, such as My Hero Academia and Attack on Titan, the latter of which may be taking advantage of this just a little bit, are adapting chunks of their source material into seasons. This means that instead of blowing the budget on episodes where Naruto turns into a robot for some reason, they can instead focus on quality over quantity, gracefully adapting iconic moments and scenes that fans love. Unlike the typical American TV model of airing seasons where a show takes the summer off but comes back on-air in the fall, these adaptations are on a model of “you’ll get it when it’s ready.” It can be annoying to wait, but as fans of Venture Bros. are also well aware, it’s worth it. And through all that, we get modern hits like Jujutsu Kaisen, Chainsaw Man, and more.
Naruto fans have had it hard.
Unfortunately, older series like One Piece have been grandfathered into the old method, suffering from bloat and filler pains that come with old age. Thankfully, some legacy series such as Fullmetal Alchemist, Hunter × Hunter, and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure retained enough popularity that they got the aforementioned “closer to the manga” remake that trims the fat and cuts the bullshit. Maybe Berserk will get the respect it deserves one day too. Sigh. We all have our white whale.
“Filler” may be a boogey-man term among Japanese animation aficionados (or weaboos, whichever you prefer), and rightfully so, but it isn’t always bad. Or at least, not entirely gut-wrenchingly terrible. Some people argue that filler episodes let us spend more time with the cast of characters and help to develop them even further. Also, that one episode of Dragon Ball Z where Goku and Piccolo try to get their driver’s licenses was comedy gold.
It’s not all bad.
At the end of the day, a bad adaptation doesn’t ruin a good series. A great manga will always be great, it just sucks when you want to recommend a series to a friend but have to accompany them with a complicated guide of what episodes or story arcs to skip.
As the filler arc nears its natural conclusion, the future of the industry is still somewhat uncertain. Overwork and burnout continue to be pressing issues, and hopefully over time anime studios can increase their staff, and give them more time off. We can wait for Attack on Titan season 4 part 3.5 a little longer.
