The March 2023 Xbox Game Pass Lineup Features 6 Bangers

Posted on by Parker Johnson

Xbox Game Pass just announced its lineup of games coming in March 2023, and it features some pretty great additions. Game Pass already features a fantastic backlog of games that are a lot for any player to get through. If the current offerings aren’t enough, though, you’ll probably find one to play out of these new games on offer.

The newly announced games coming in March are:

  • Guilty Gear -Strive- (Cloud, Console, & PC now)
  • Dead Space 2 (Cloud via EA Play on March 9)
  • Dead Space 3 (Cloud via EA Play on March 9)
  • Valheim (Console on March 14)
  • Sid Meier’s Civilization VI (Cloud, Console, & PC on March 16)
  • Ni no Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom – The Prince’s Edition (Console & PC on March 21)

This is a solid lineup of games, from a pretty wide variety of genres. Any fighting game fan, regardless of whether you’re casual or not, can surely find some value in Guilty Gear -Strive-, one of the most critically acclaimed fighting games in recent memory. Its stylish anime visuals and approachability for newcomers are two qualities given near-universal praise from critics.

If you enjoyed the new Dead Space Remake, you’re sure to get some enjoyment out of the other two games in the trilogy on March 9. Just keep in mind that these are cloud versions, so if your internet doesn’t have the juice for game streaming, you may still be better off finding secondhand copies for older systems. Valheim is a new addition coming on March 14, but only for console players. For PC players, we have even better news: Valheim is already available.

If you prefer strategy games, you’re still in good shape with this update. Civilization VI is a perfect game to sink hours into, with plenty of DLC to get to extend your enjoyment of the game. Ni no Kuni II is a fantastic RPG for you to sink your teeth into. As an added bonus, the included Game Pass version is Ni no Kuni II: Revenant Kingdom – The Prince’s Edition, which includes all of that game’s DLC, no extra purchase needed.

This is all in addition to new release additions to Xbox Game Pass in March 2023, like Wo Long: Fallen Dynasty. Enjoy attempting to beat that game’s frustrating first boss while you wait for your favorite game in March’s lineup to release!

Devolver Digital Teases ‘Anger Foot’ Sequels ‘Depression Foot’ and ‘Bargaining Foot’

Posted on by Camden Brazile

CAPE TOWN, South Africa — Following the announcement of indie action game Anger Foot, Devolver Digital and developer Free Lives have released teasers for two sequels Depression Foot and Bargaining Foot.

“We realized that anger is just one of the five key emotions in the stages of our foot story,” said Free Lives developer Robbie Fraser. “First, we wanted to release a sequel to Anger Foot, where after all the carnage of the first game has subsided, players use their foot to make hypothetical deals with God in order to solve what ails them. They plead and beg a higher power and themselves that if all this carnage will end, they will make benevolent changes in the future. Of course, mortals have nothing to offer God, other than a good kick, so the game’s ending is a cliffhanger to lead into the next stage of the Foot saga.”

Fraser went on to provide insight into the details of Depression Foot.

“After your body can summon no more rage and God has ignored your worthless haggling, your foot sinks — and stinks — into a deep depression,” Fraser said. “Then, players will get to play a high-octane action game consisting of trying to find a reason to keep living while they ponder how, if there even is a God, He could ignore the plight of a helpless kicker. Then players kick through doors of therapists offices and self-help groups until they reach a sense of inner peace in their lower-body endeavors. Anger Foot tasked gamers with kicking down thugs and gunmen, but Depression Foot will make them kick their toughest enemy yet: their own self actualization.”

Those who play-tested the new installments were reportedly haunted by the accurate depiction of foot-based grief.

“Anger Foot was a fun, fast-paced game that had a unique core kicking mechanic, but these new games made me sit down and think about why I felt the need to kick in the first place,” said beta tester Mark Hamlisch. “I enjoyed plowing through hoards of nameless goons in the first game, but the two sequels made me reflect on the carnage and wonder if there would ever be an end to this cycle of violence. Finishing Anger Foot made me want to drink an energy drink and play again, but finishing the sequels made me want to weep in my mother’s legs.”

At press time, sources reported that Devolver Digital refused to admit that a prequel to their original game called Denial Foot even exists.

Hey, big surprise incoming: this article is sponsored by Devolver Digital. You should check out the demo for Anger Foot right now on Steam because it looks rad and you’re gonna wanna know play all through Acceptance Foot.

Shy Guy Still Living Good Life Off Super Mario Bros 2 Residuals

Posted on by Goodrich Gevaart

MUSHROOM KINGDOM — After over 30 years since he worked the job, local Bowser employee Shy Guy is still living almost entirely off of residuals from Super Mario Bros 2.

“I was just a struggling henchman toiling in obscurity for years, when suddenly I got a call from my agent,” Shy Guy told reporters from his private villa near Yoshi Falls. “Apparently some tiny Japanese gig I booked called Doki Doki panic was being hastily ported into a Mario game for the west. I couldn’t believe my luck. From then on out it was smooth sailing, but I decided to mostly get out of the game while I was still ahead. I’ll still come back for a kart race or a party every now and again, but I’m offer only.”

Infamous plumber and hero Mario Mario expressed his disappointment at Shy Guy’s lost hypothetical career.

“I remember Shy Guy, how could I not? It’s nice to hear he’s living well, but I think he wasted a lot of potential,” Mario said. “I think if he kept at it, he could’ve risen to the ranks of a Kamek or even a Birdo, but he just sort of took the money and ran. I respect it, get your bag, but it’s a little sad to see someone just coast off of one early success in their career. I’m not saying he flamed out, I’m just saying it would be nice to see Shy Guy around more often.”

Super Mario 2 boss Mouser expressed his regret at squandering his legacy.

“I was in Mario 2, remember me? Mouse with sunglasses. Course you fuckin’ don’t. Nobody does,” Mouser said. “I was so sure that the Mario 2 gig would be my big breakout. I mean a little mouse that throws bombs everywhere? Gold. But I was cashing checks I didn’t have, assuming I was going to be in Mario Party or Paper Mario, but no, Shy Guy gets his day in the sun. A masked loser who wasn’t even supposed to be there. Now I live at a men’s shelter.”

At press time, sources close to Shy Guy reported that the Mario mainstay would not be appearing in the anticipated Super Mario 2 reunion due to a falling out between him and Pokey.

Like a Dragon: Ishin Money Guide: How to Make Money Faster

Posted on by Luca Fisher

Like a Dragon: Ishin boasts a dizzying array of minigames and sub stories, much like its predecessors in the Yakuza series. The sprawling city of Kyo can be overwhelming at first, challenging you to land on your feet as a wanted man in unfamiliar territory — if you hope to survive the story’s events, you’ll need some cold, hard cash. Luckily, if you want to make money faster in Like a Dragon: Ishin, you’ve come to the right place. Here, you’ll find several core techniques for maximizing your profits to and funding your cool sword addiction.

Farming in Another Life to Make Money Faster in Ishin

You can’t grow cash on trees, but you sure can grow vegetables! Once you’ve played up to Chapter Three in the main story, you will unlock Ryoma’s Villa, where you can start your agricultural enterprise. For a very literal (and efficient) method of “farming” money, you’ll want to start selling your produce via the Orders system. You can access the Orders menu in Ryoma’s Villa by interacting with your cabinet in the lower right corner of the map. The more Orders you fulfill, the more money you’ll earn from subsequently unlocked Orders — delivering some Ginseng for the first time, for instance, will award 15,000 mon. At peak farming performance, Ginseng will net you 45,000 mon. 

Keep in mind that you’ll need to purchase the ability to plant different types of produce via the Virtue Shrines. You’ll need to carefully budget your communal brownie points to make money faster. Thankfully, you can earn Virtue by doing just about anything.

Every bundle of produce orders in the game operates on a consistent cycle. The sequence may vary based upon which orders you fulfill at a given time, but you will need to fulfill all of these to start a fresh, new cycle. Each of these cycles will continue appreciating in value until reaching a fixed maximum amount of cash earned per order. Once you hit that maximum value threshold, you should be making 42 ryo, 1500 mon per cycle. Sound like too much math? No problem — check out the table below!

Produce Items Quantity Max Profit
Daikon

Carrot

Any 5 produce*

 x5

x5

x5

 3000 mon

3000 mon

3000 mon
Potato 

Spinach

Cucumber

Daikon

 x5

x5

x5

x10

 3000 mon

3000 mon

3000 mon

7500 mon
Any 10*

Carrot

Potato

Spinach

 x10

x10

x10

x10

 7500 mon

7500 mon

7500 mon

7500 mon
Cucumber

Sweet Potato 

Daikon

Any 10*

 x10

x5

x10

x10

 7500 mon

7500 mon

7500 mon

7500 mon
Potato

Green Onion

Eggplant

Any 10*

 x10

x10

x15

x10

 7500 mon

7500 mon

9000 mon

7500 mon
Onion

Turnip

Broad Bean

Burdock Root

Ginger

 x5

x5

x10

x5

x10

 9000 mon

9000 mon

12000 mon

12000 mon

15000 mon
Any 10*

Pumpkin

Bok Choy

Hot Pepper**

Garlic**

 x10

x5

x5

x5

x5

 7500 mon

15000 mon

15000 mon

15000 mon

15000 mon
Any 10*

2 Types of Melon

Cabbage

Tomato**

 x10

x1 Pumpkin, x1 Cucumber

x4

x4

 7500 mon

15000 mon

18000 mon

18000 mon
Any 10*

Taro

Strawberry

 x10

x4

x4

 7500 mon

22500 mon

22500 mon
3 Types of Potato

–

Ginseng

 x1 Potato, x1 Sweet Potato, x1 Taro

x1

 24000 mon

–

45000 mon
– – TOTAL: 42 ryo, 1500 mon (421500 mon)

*It is generally best to use any produce that you have an abundance of that is also worth less money on its own. Try faster-growing veggies like Daikon and Carrots!

**To grow this produce item, you will need to have expanded your garden’s capacity at least once. You can purchase each Farm Expansion via the Virtue Shrines.

For best results, scatter the fertilizer you earn from completing orders (or any you’ve bought in town) over your garden. It will dramatically accelerate the time it takes your produce to grow. The game will seemingly only allow you to scatter fertilizer once, however, by walking into the villa and back out again, you can remove that cooldown entirely.

You can also fulfill different types of Orders from Ryoma’s Villa, from fish to bugs to any Scrap Papers you might be carrying in your pocket. The benefit of produce farming specifically, however, is that crops will grow while you are busy with other tasks; they do not require constant maintenance and attention. A tomato can grow itself, but a fish won’t exactly jump on your hook if you’re not there. 

Complete Battle Dungeon Missions

Once you reach Chapter Five in the main story, you’ll have access to side missions in the Battle Dungeon. You can access these missions via the Mission Receptionist in the Shinsengumi Barracks. Each of these dungeons rewards you handsomely for your efforts, and are also a fantastic way to gather crafting materials. While completing all of the missions may be somewhat of a timesink, once you reach the final area, Sanada Stronghold, each mission will be worth at least 3 ryo. 

The boss fight missions later on in this section will be worth 5 ryo each, while the final boss is worth 20 ryo total. If you’re confident in your fighting skills, you can fight that final boss as many times as you like, netting that sweet 20 ryo each time. Just make sure to bring weapons that are capable of quickly breaking down armor.

Catching Outlaws for the Tachibanagumi in Mukurogai

If you want to make money faster in Ishin, you could do worse than the Tachinbanagumi in Mukurogai makes a pretty penny wrangling various scoundrels and outlaws. Upon visiting, you’ll have access to the Wanted Men questline, which will, as the name implies, involve catching these wily rogues wherever they’re hiding. By completing the questline, you’ll have earned a cumulative total of 47 ryo. Not every mission will reward you with cash, but you’ll need to complete each one of the sixteen total requests to reach the very lucrative final mission, worth 15 ryo on its own. 

After completing the entire Wanted Men questline, head back to Teradaya, where a courier will deliver a message from Bakumatsu Bob saying that he has a special treat prepared for you. It just so happens to be a very fancy spear that, should you choose not to use it, sells for a handsome 38 ryo and 8200 mon at either of the two Pawn Shops (one in Fushimi, the other in Rakunai).

Below is a table containing the names and locations of each outlaw you’ll need to wrangle. Happy hunting!

Name Location Reward
Man in Tengu Mask Umekojicho – Shady Bar 2 ryo
Jozo Tengu: Jozo Mukurogai’s north entrance; talk to the two men nearby, then head to East Umekojicho. 4 ryo
Mysterious Ninja South Fushimi Ichibangai – Uorin Fish Market. Give chase! 2 ryo
Street Killer Get ambushed behind Teradaya. 2 ryo
Mysterious Ninja (Blue) South Fushimi Ichibangai – nearby Utamaruya. Chase! 2 ryo
Street Killer Umekojicho – Creepy Bar. Then, head to Rakugai Arms Dealer.  2 ryo
Escort Request Talk to Omatsu and Akumi at Tachibanagumi building. Outside, Akumi will be standing across the bridge nearby; escort him to Shikokuya. 2 ryo
Touken Clan: Yukimitsu Talk to Omatsu. 5 ryo
Chivalrous Shinobi: Mysterious Ninja (Green) Rakunai – Teramachi. Walk east of the Shogi Parlor, then give chase. 3 ryo
Jozo Tengu Umekojicho – Uji Tea Parlor. 3 ryo
Chivalrous Shinobi: Tojiro South of Fushimi Dojo in North Yashimachi. 5 ryo
Jozo Tengu: Man in Tengu Mask Mukurogai – Paradise. Requirement to unlock Mission 15.
Chivalrous Shinobi: Mysterious Ninja (Red) Rakugai – Utamaruya. Chase! Requirement to unlock Mission 15.
Touken Clan: Remnants Rakunai – Don Quixote.  Requirement to unlock Mission 15.
Jozo Tengu: Jozo Rakunai – Northwest Shrine. Unlocks Mission 16.
Mysterious Man Rakugai Riverside. 15 ryo

Spend Several Hundred Hours Learning To Play Mahjong

… if you’re confident you won’t end up like these guys, that is. Good luck!

Look, They Didn’t Give Us Much to Work With, But Here’s the Best PS5 Exclusives

Posted on by Parker Johnson

Look, the PlayStation 5 doesn’t have an incredibly large library of exclusives, but we can help you sort through them to find the best PS5 exclusive games. The PlayStation 5, even a little more than 2 years after its release, is still a console in its infancy. In addition, there are quite a few great PS5 games that have been simultaneously developed for PS4, for a few different reasons. These games aren’t quite exclusives, but games like God of War: Ragnarok and Horizon: Forbidden West are definitely worth your time.

But now, without further ado, here are our picks for the best PS5 console exclusives. You can find a few of these on PC, but they’re only available on console via PlayStation 5. This list consists of more than a few enhanced versions of past games, but we’ll keep it updated as more original PS5 exclusives are released throughout the console’s life cycle. 

Returnal: Best PS5 Exclusives

One of the only examples of a “AAA roguelike,” Returnal was also one of the first PS5 exclusives. The third-person shooter gameplay itself is incredibly tight. Add that on to the satisfying roguelike loop of upgrades, permanent unlocks, and an endless mode called the Tower of Sisyphus, and you have one of the best games in the genre. There’s also a story present throughout, but it isn’t quite told in a straightforward fashion. Your mileage may vary on that.

As of the latest update, there’s co-op as well. The game’s plenty fun in single player, but co-op gameplay helps elevate it to another level. If you think the chaotic bullet-hell boss fights are fun alone, just wait until you’re yelling over Discord at your buddy because they’re losing health too quickly. Returnal was one of the first PlayStation games to get the $70 price tag, but can be found on sale quite often now.

You can purchase Returnal here.

Final Fantasy 7 Remake: Intergrade

An enhanced version of one of the most ambitious remakes in gaming, Final Fantasy 7 Remake: Intergrade is an exclusive worth every PS5 owner’s time. Visual enhancements allow players to play the already gorgeous game in 4K with Quality Mode, or at 60 fps in performance mode. In addition, the occasionally egregious load times found in the original PS4 release are now cut down significantly, thanks to the PS5’s SSD.

In addition to these quality of life improvements, there’s also new content to be played. Intergrade adds a new mini story to be played called “INTERmission.” This story features Yuffie, an optional character from the original game. Yuffie’s playstyle is just as satisfying as the main party members’ styles, and players who enjoyed the main game are sure to enjoy this new addition. It even features a couple of new post-credits scenes, which set up some interesting possibilities for the upcoming Final Fantasy 7 Rebirth.

You can purchase Final Fantasy 7 Remake: Intergrade here, but you may be eligible for a free upgrade as well.

Best PS5 Exclusive Games – Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart

Released within the first year of the console’s release Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart is the best showcase for the PS5’s technical capabilities to date. It looks great, and shows off the now-standard PS5 feature of choosing between quality and performance mode to prioritize resolution or frame rate, respectively. It also shows off the power of the SSD, instantly loading entire new worlds as Ratchet and new protagonist Rivet hop between dimensions.

In addition to being a great technical showcase, Rift Apart is just a great game. The arsenal available to players is the series at its best, both in silliness of concept and enjoyment of use. Its narrative may not be an award winner, but it’s definitely still enjoyable enough to keep players interested in the journey of Ratchet and Rivet. Whether you’ve played previous games in the series or not, Rift Apart is a fantastic game that deserves a spot in any PS5 library.

You can purchase Ratchet & Clank: Rift Apart here.

The Last of Us: Part 1

Okay, I get it, this one (and the next one) are kind of cheating, but the technical advancements made in The Last of Us: Part 1 make it worth an entry onto this list. A remake of the game originally on PlayStation 3, then remastered on PlayStation 4, Part 1 is a remake to a game that arguably didn’t really need one. Despite that, it’s a great addition to the PlayStation 5 console exclusive library.

The world of The Last of Us has never looked better. In addition, load times have been almost entirely eliminated. It may not be worth it for you if you’ve already played the original game, but if you want to experience it for the first time, whether you’re new to the PlayStation ecosystem or just want to check out the source material for the now-hit show, The Last of Us Part 1 is absolutely the best way to do so.

You can purchase The Last of Us Part 1 here.

Spider-Man Remastered

Like Final Fantasy 7 Remake: Intergrade, Spider-Man Remastered is an enhanced version of a PS4 classic. All of the praise of the original game applies to this remaster as well. The open world movement is second-to-none, and though the combat can start to feel a bit repetitive as you get deeper in the game, it’s definitely still a worthwhile game for any PlayStation owner.

The remaster, too, brings along new and entertaining content. The aforementioned performance & quality modes are here, giving players new ways to experience Spider-Man while looking better than ever. This remaster also features the game’s DLC packs titled “The City That Never Sleeps.” While panned by some for its narrative, it’s still a fun way to stay in Spider-Man’s NYC just a little bit longer. Plus, it’s free with the Ultimate Edition of Spider-Man: Miles Morales, an excellent game in its own right. Win-win!

You can purchase the Ultimate Edition of Miles Morales here, or the remaster individually on the PlayStation Store.

Introverted NPC Too Self-Conscious to Display Side Quest Icon Above Head

Posted on by Joe Tilleli

THE IVORY ISLE — A local Non-Playable Character of a medieval RPG reportedly refused to display their quest icon above their head after being too introverted to cause a scene. 

“I just don’t want to bother anybody,” said NPC Preston Cromwell. “I need some big, strapping underdog hero to fetch me four apples from around town for me to make my stew, but I feel so bad inconveniencing anyone. Sure, I would give them some stew for their efforts, which would heal their stamina and health, but I’m sure nobody wants anything like that. It’s probably not even worth putting a large, yellow question mark above my head. I should just keep to myself, and stand motionless in my 1×1 tile until the evil is banished from the land by some hero. But no pressure, obviously. No worries!”

Other NPCs have tried to build up Cromwell’s self-confidence.

“I always tell him that he’s worth just as much as any other quest in town, but he has both a low XP value and self value,” said Ivory Isle Shopkeep Ruth Thanesword. “It can be hard to put yourself out there, offer up your quest or bounty to the world, but you can’t be afraid of rejection. Growth is understanding that even though your emotions may be hurt from your quest being turned on, you’re still physically unkillable due to the game’s design.”

PoonSlayer47, the prophesized hero of the Ivory Isle, explained his frustrations with the NPC’s self-image issues.

“Everytime I try to talk to him, he just shrugs me off and says he doesn’t want to bother me with a quest,” Poonslayer47 said. “I’m trying to do every quest in the area to level up before moving on, but he says that he ‘doesn’t want to be a burden’ and won’t let me fetch anything or kill any mobs for him. He’s also such a pushover, I barely need any speech skill to convince him of something. I would be more angry at him, but I just feel bad for the guy.”

At press time, sources reported that Cromwell disappears from the game entirely if the player has a party of more than four, as he just feels awkward being in crowds.

Struggling Artist Reclasses as Accountant

Posted on by Kevin Flynn

CHICAGO — Claiming that he made things too difficult on himself, struggling artist Tyler Dresden restarted his life progress by reportedly reclassing as an accountant.

“The current build I was working with just was too hard for me, so I decided to redo my stats entirely,” Dresden said. “Being a musician was fun in the beginning, but once I started facing the big milestone challenges like paying rent or getting a girlfriend I realized that the choices I made with my personal life skill tree had made it almost impossible to progress. Now I just sold all my equipment — my guitar and amps and such — to pay for night classes to become an accountant, which is a more boring playstyle, but it will at least get me to the finish line.”

Dresden’s character rework apparently came at the repeated suggestion of his parents.

“I told him for years that he could get way more career stat bonuses by picking an accountant like his old man,” said Tyler’s father Henry Dresden. “He wasted all that time tinkering with his homebrew artist build and now he has to start the accountant path from the beginning, but it’s for the best. Singer/songwriter is a subclass to mess around with at best, but if you actually want to have some survivability you have to at least go to trade school.”

Dresden’s artist friends were happy to add some class variety to their friend group.

“We can’t all be the fun class if we’re going to adventure together,” said conceptual artist Michael Anders. “Sure, it’s great to be the silly one with all the charisma who can try and charm people, but at the end of the day someone in the party needs to keep the lights on. I promised Tyler that in the next lifetime he can be a fun offclass and I’ll be a sensible one like an architect.”

At press time, sources reported that Dresden had attempted to grow up further by removing his proficiency in hacky sacking in order to attain an ability modifier in Microsoft Excel.

Do You Like Competitive Shooters but Miss Your Dad Yelling at You for Doing a Shitty Job Staining the Deck? Try Splatoon 3!

Posted on by Kyle Duggan

Shooters have been a popular genre for nearly as long as video games have existed. Multiple generations have cut their teeth on games like Doom, Goldeneye, Unreal Tournament, and Gears of War. Revisiting a favorite shooter or picking up a new one can transport you back to the good old days of playing split-screen matches against your buddies. If you want to feel some extra nostalgia next time you get an itchy R-trigger finger, and you have fond memories of that time your parents made you spend the first week of summer vacation staining the deck and still got all mad about it when you were done, try Splatoon 3.

Ah, this takes me back. I can almost smell the fumes.

Obviously, you have some experience trying to cover a surface with a dyed fluid in order to change its color, and you’ll find plenty of ways to do just that in Splatoon 3. Unlike during that brutal week of staining, you won’t have to make up imaginary games in your head to stave off boredom. Splatoon 3 has a full single player campaign, several competitive team-based modes, and a cooperative horde mode to keep you busy. You can even screw off from painting entirely to go play a tabletop card game, only this time you won’t lose driving privileges when you get caught.

Unlike MTG, Tableturf Battle is played in a sketchy alley instead of the back of the high school band room.

The variety doesn’t stop at game modes. There are so many different weapons and loadouts that you’ll never actually master any of them, just like you never quite figured out how to get between the boards with that flimsy sponge brush. For added realism, you can post about your favorite weapons and strategies on the Splatoon subreddit. Someone is bound to imply that you’re a moron, like Pops did when you painted yourself into a corner and got trapped there for, like, two hours.

Reddit may be toxic, but Splatoon 3 has an in-game community that’s just as lively and colorful as its gameplay. Walking around the game’s hub, Splatsville, is a blast, as you participate in its unique meme culture by checking out doodles made by other players and creating your own. Splatoon players are actually as weird as your dad thought your high school friends were, and you’ll never be bored by the content they create.

You are probably a better artist than me.

If drawing isn’t your thing, don’t worry – there’s other ways you can express yourself in Splatoon 3. You can deck your character out in the flashiest squid clothes and fashion accessories, all of which have stat modifiers to up your game. Spending an evening grinding through Turf War matches to unlock a new ability slot for your favorite shoes never feels like a waste of time, and it’s fun to build your wardrobe as your Splatoon career progresses. With plenty of options and a mechanic that allows you to re-spec specific items – albeit a bit slowly – you will always look fresh, like you did when you started staining the deck in your brand new Atticus T-shirt even though your dad specifically told you to wear old clothes. Luckily, Inkling paint washes right off, unlike Ready Seal Dark Walnut Exterior Wood Stain.

Splatoon 3 is one of the best multiplayer games on the Switch, and with two waves of DLC announced, now is the perfect time to jump in and get painting.

Splatoon 3 might be for you if:

  • You like multiplayer shooting games and want to try something off the beaten path.
  • Grinding matches to collect and upgrade gear is your idea of a good time.
  • You appreciate it when a game has a horde mode, but it’s not the main attraction for you.
  • You have a sense of humor and appreciation of whimsy, despite any deck-related trauma you might be carrying.

It might not be for you if:

  • You prefer shooters that have more of an edge.
  • Seeing that you didn’t evenly cover the entire map by the end of the match will trigger horrific flashbacks of that one terrible summer.

You can pick up Splatoon 3 here.

Did You Want to Send Harry Into Space While Playing Disco Elysium? Try Citizen Sleeper

Posted on by Ella Gale

Disco Elysium is a dreamy narrative RPG artwork about being a hungover fuckup solving a murder. You wake up in a rundown communist town in the middle of a labor dispute. You explore a beautiful isometric world and meet a host of characters ranging from artists and tweakers to fascists. It’s a perfect game, except for one small flaw: it isn’t set in space. Here’s where Citizen Sleeper comes in. 

In Citizen Sleeper you’re also a mess waking up in a strange place. You’ve just escaped from a corporation that has transplanted your consciousness into a synthetic body and sent it into space to perform brutal manual labor. Now you’re on a ring-shaped space station; like everyone else, you’re just trying to survive. 

Every morning, you wake up with 1-5 dice (depending on how well you’ve taken care of your body). You can spend the pips on tasks like working or exploring. You can eat space food and drink in space bars. As you play, new areas of the space station open up. You build experience. You befriend a vending machine and fight a program designed to erase unauthorized intelligence. During these early days, I often felt like I was just barely surviving.

Citizen Sleeper scratches the space opera itch of new horizons, new people, and what-ifs, although the space station here is a cold and frightening place. There’s a sense that the whole operation is barely holding out against the cold void. In addition to the base game, there’s at least one more piece of content coming out this year—the final segment of a three-part story.

Disco Elysium is a longer and more complex game than Citizen Sleeper, but they both have fully articulated worlds and complex characters doing their best to choose between bad and worse options. They both have unions, and are both interested in leftist politics without being preachy. You meet strange and surprising creatures. I was moved emotionally by moments in both games. Whether you’re on a post-war archipelago or a space station, in the end, it’s about the people.

Citizen Sleeper might be for you if:

  • You love beautifully written games
  • You like games that are political but not preachy
  • You want to get to know complex characters

Citizen Sleeper might not be for you if:

  • You don’t like reading text
  • You’re more about gameplay than story
  • You think space is a lightless void that no one should spend time in

You can get Citizen Sleeper on Steam here, and it’s also available on Nintendo Switch & Game Pass.

Destiny 2: Lightfall Neomuna Action Figure Locations Guide

Posted on by Richard Tammaro

The Destiny 2 Lightfall Expansion is here and with it comes a new world to explore with plenty of secrets to uncover. This includes new collectibles in the form of action figures. There are a total of 9 of these to find throughout Neomuna. So are all of the Neomuna action figure locations in Destiny 2 Lightfall!

NOTE: As of the writing of this article, only two action figures can be found with more to be released throughout the Season of Defiance. This article will be updated as more Neomuna action figure locations become available.

Neomuna Action Figure #1

This first action figure can be found in the main building of Ahisma Park.

Make your way down to the bottom floor of the building and look for a Pouka mural next to a short staircase.

Jump through the gap under the staircase to find this action figure on some rocks.

Neomuna Action Figure #2

First, you’ll need to complete the Lightfall campaign on any difficulty to unlock access to this area. Once you have done that head to the Esi Terminal on the west end of Zephyr Concourse.

Continue down the linear path until you make it back outside. Turn left and head through the now open door near the mural of an eyeball.

Continue through this linear room until you are outside again. Then jump down the balconies to reach a portal back to the Irkalla Complex, where the Lightfall campaign ended.

Move forward through the hole in the wall and use the boxes to your immediate left to jump to the top of the wall, where you will find three cannons.

With a long range weapon, preferably a Sniper Rifle, jump to the end of the first cannon and look to the distance in the direction it is pointing to find a diamond to shoot. Do this on each of the three cannons.

After shooting the third diamond, the action figure will spawn in front of you on the final cannon.

Neomuna Action Figure #3

Head to Maya’s Retreat to the east of Liming Harbor.

Follow the path forward through Maya’s Retreat and into the large cave near the end. In the back left corner you will find a brazier to light. Interact with it to do so.

Now, return out of the cave and jump along the wall to the right, making sure to not travel out of the map limits. You should notice a platform down to the right.

Jump down and head into the cave here to find another brazier to light.

Finally, exit this cave and continue further to the right. You’ll need to jump over a large chasm, using a long jump or the new Strand subclass.

Head into this cave, light the final brazier, and collect your action figure from under it.

Neomuna Action Figure #4

For this action figure, head to the southeast corner of Zephyr Concourse.

There is a bar here with an interactable tablet behind the counter. Jump behind and activate it.

Now, patrons (angry Cabal) will begin to spawn in. You need to stay behind the counter and fend them off. If they get too close, or you come out from behind the counter the event will fail. You’ll need to activate the tablet again to retry.

Once they are all defeated, the action figure will spawn next to the tablet behind the counter.

Where to Place The Neomuna Action Figures

Each action figure can be placed in the yellow building to the right of Nimbus in Strider’s Gate. Once you are close enough, markers will appear for each specific spot to place them. So place them down and admire your collection!

Looking for more Neomuna collectibles? Check out our region chest guide for Ahimsa Park!