Ben Shapiro Tossed In Landfill After Being Mistaken for a Young Sheldon Funko Pop

Posted on by Dan Bookbinder

BUCKEYE, Ariz. — Right-wing pundit Ben Shapiro was found in an Arizona landfill after company Funko accidentally included him in their disposal of $30 million worth of collectibles, mistaking him for a toy designed to look like the titular character from the TV show Young Sheldon, according to those familiar with the situation.

“I was protesting the leftist bullies at Funko for their changing the skin tone of the Disney 100th Anniversary Edition of the Minnie Mouse Pop to make her more acceptable to the Woke Mob, when I got pushed into the pile of trash,” recounted Shapiro. “I was standing on a stack of boxes on a truck bed, so I could be properly seen, and as I was lamenting the lack of cleavage on Minnie, some liberal bully drove off with me standing there! They’ll play the victim, claiming I looked like a toy, but honestly, an alpha like me looks nothing like a Funko figure.”

Shapiro was discovered shortly before being buried alive amid the dead-eyed figures with oversized heads.

“I was about to dump 4 tons of dirt on the latest batch, when I heard one of these dolls saying something about ‘indoctrination,’” explained bulldozer operator Michael Bao. “Something didn’t sit right, I didn’t think these were the types of toys that made noise, but I had never seen The Big Bang Theory, so I figured it had to do with that. I lifted him out and he just sort of scurried off.” 

Funko’s stock prices dove 25% after the initial announcement, but skyrocketed when the news broke that they might have rid the world of Ben Shapiro. With the revelation that Shapiro is unscathed, Funko is at an all-time low, looking for other ways to make cuts.

Despite the extraordinary circumstances that lead to this error, it is not the first time an individual was included in the dumping of excess inventory. According to close sources, in 1983, unsold copies of the Atari game, “E.T. the Extra Terrestrial” were buried in the New Mexico desert, along with First Lady Nancy Reagan, who was mistaken for the alien creature after slipping into a hole during a “Just Say No” rally.

Destiny 2 Lightfall Best Weapons Guide: Best PvP Weapons

Posted on by Tarun Sayal

Picking up the best weapons when playing PvP in Destiny 2 Lightfall can drastically increase your winning odds. However, with a massive collection of weapons, it’s a time-consuming and daunting task to hand-pick the best firearms. With that said, we’ll highlight some of the best Destiny 2 best PvP Weapons for Lightfall to help you make an informed decision.

Best Destiny 2 PvP Weapons – No Time to Explain (Pulse Rifle)

Debuted in Beyond Light expansion, the No Time To Explain is an exotic pulse rifle in Destiny 2 which is an improved version of The Stranger’s Rifle. It features a slow firing rate and bears a striking resemblance which unlocks after completing the game’s main campaign. With a special perk that restores precision shots to the magazine, the weapon allows for near-endless firing against enemies with significant precision hitboxes.

Rewind Again, which is the exotic perk of the No Time To Explain, refills bullets to the magazine upon hitting precision shots or shots against slowed or frozen targets. With each refill, a stack is gained, and when ten stacks are accumulated, the “Time-Slip” perk is activated. This creates a small portal that shoots bullets from other versions of the gun at different times.

Overall, the No Time To Explain is a top-tier PvP weapon in Destiny 2 Lightfall due to its unique exotic perks. With its slow firing rate and precise hitboxes, this exotic pulse rifle has proven to be a formidable weapon in the hands of skilled players.

Le Monarque (Combat Bow)

The combat bow, one of the best weapons in Destiny 2.

Bows are one of the most reliable weapons in Destiny 2, mainly due to their ability to quickly deal a significant amount of damage. This is especially true for Le Monarque, which can take out opponents in a split second without using special ammo. The lingering burn from the poison arrow can also be detrimental to the opposing team, forcing them to stay out of the battle for five to six seconds. 

Therefore, Le Monarque is a powerful bow in Destiny 2 that only needs one shot to defeat an opponent. However, it’s worth noting that the recent nerf to this weapon has caused some changes in the gameplay. The damage from the poison arrow has been reduced, which has made it less effective for quick swaps. Yet, the top-tier bow players using Le Monarque in Desinty 2 Lightfall are tough to beat.

Best Destiny 2 PvP Weapons – Hawkmoon (Hand Canon)

Hawkmoon, one of the best weapons in Lightfall.

The Hawkmoon is an incredible exotic hand cannon with a range of amazing perks to choose from. With each headshot, the Paracausal stack increases, providing bonus damage to the final bullet, making it similar to Luck in the Chamber from Destiny 1. 

The Catalyst increases the weapon’s range and handling, making it even more deadly. Moreover, holster mods can reload the gun without losing your stacks, so you can keep your momentum going. While Ace of Spades and Thorn are still strong choices, the skill gap of timing that final bullet with Hawkmoon makes it a top-tier PvP weapon.

Dead Man’s Tale (Scout Rifle)

Despite its recent nerf, Dead Man’s Tale is still a force to be reckoned with. The weapon’s significant damage output, combined with its exceptional range, can enable you to take out opponents without giving them a chance to react.

On top of that, its ability to land critical hits at extreme ranges and stack up damage with headshots makes it incredibly powerful. This weapon allows players to hip-fire more accurately and quickly, reducing the need for ADS.

While the hip-fire headshot percentage may have decreased, it’s still a formidable weapon, even when shooting from the hip. Overall, the Dead Man’s Tale is an excellent addition to any arsenal, and its peak shot capability is among the best.

Fatebringer (Legendary Hand Canon)

Destiny 2 has many weapons to choose from, but few are as iconic as the Fatebringer Legendary hand cannon. This weapon, introduced in the original Destiny game’s Vault of Glass raid, quickly gained popularity among players due to its explosive rounds and Firefly perk.

Explosive Payload is the best Hand Cannon perk for PvP, causing lots of flinches and extending the weapon’s range. Fatebringer can also roll with Eye of the Storm, which is one of the strongest consistency perks in Destiny 2. It turns the damage you take in a fight into an advantage by giving all bullets Opening Shot. Combining this with Explosive Rounds makes winning 1v1 duels very easy. 

Overall, the Fatebringer’s high impact and unique perks make it a top-tier weapon for both PvE and PvP activities. Its design, combined with its power, has made it a favorite among players, and it continues to remain a popular selection among Destiny 2 community.

That wraps up our list of the best Destiny 2 PvP Weapons for Lightfall expansion. Finally, it remains to be seen what new weapons will be introduced in future Destiny 2 expansions and how they will impact the PvP meta.

Before leaving, make sure to check our Destiny 2 Commendations guide to learn how to commend your teammates based on their performance!

Love The Witcher But Hate Your Friends, Family, Career Advancement, & Hobbies? Try Elder Scrolls Online

Posted on by Ella Gale

Can I, in good conscience, recommend that anyone play any MMORPG? It feels like telling you oxycontin and Russian Roulette are fun. I started playing ESO after moving to Los Angeles during the two worst years of my life and I would rather show you my PornHub search history than how many hours I’ve spent playing this game. But also, I own a $100 in-game boat, and they’re paying me $25 to write this, so I may as well start to climb out of the hole.

If you liked the beautiful open worlds, creatures, and magical lore of The Witcher, you’ll probably enjoy ruining your life in The Elder Scrolls Online.

In The Witcher, you stare at Geralt’s chiseled butt as he swans around the Continent stabbing monsters and bagging sorceresses. The butt you stare at in ESO is up to the race and class you choose. Will you be a Furry Khajiit assassin? Or a Nord necromancer? Mix and match at will. 

As an MMO, ESO is broader than The Witcher—there’s more content, and the storytelling is less specific. Quests and characters vary more widely in quality. ESO is also quite a bit more inclusive: you encounter equal numbers of men and women on quests, including Big Bads. Gwent-heads rejoice, ESO even has an in-game deckbuilder called Tales of Tribute now (which I like, although it has not been broadly popular).

If one of your favorite parts of The Witcher is summoning Roach and running over random hills, then you are in for a treat with ESO. Tamriel is huge and beautifully detailed, from the carnivorous swamps of Murkmire in the south to the mushroom towers of Morrowind. If the stories are sometimes broad, the places feel very specific—the world is full of hidden nooks and visual jokes.

The $10 base game will get you more content than a human with any semblance of a life could reasonably finish: save the world for a blind guy, join a guild, fight off a bunch of pirates, and slaughter a seafood buffet’s worth of mudcrabs. You can go almost anywhere with a low-level character. You can build and decorate houses (I built a comedy club during the pandemic and immediately ran out of gold).

If you think you’re going to spend any real time playing, the $15/month subscription is worth it for the improved inventory space alone. Plus it opens up the map. 

The real cost of ESO is not the money, but the time. During several years of my life when I hated everything, I didn’t hate Tamriel. Enter at your own risk.

Try ESO if:

  • You love running around huge, cool fantasy worlds
  • You hate everything else, in general

Don’t try ESO if:

  • You’re bad at moderation and don’t want to lose two years of your life
  • You have kids and are afraid they might become ESO orphans

You can purchase Elder Scrolls Online for yourself here.

How to Use Discord Voice Chat on PS5 on New Software Update

Posted on by Parker Johnson

With many games adding cross-platform multiplayer, many gamers have been wondering how to access Discord voice chat on PS5. As of today, Discord functionality has been added to PlayStation 5 for all users. This makes it easier than every for PlayStation players to communicate with friends on other platforms, like PC & Xbox. Here’s how to link your Discord account and join Discord voice chat on PS5.

How to Link Discord Account on PlayStation 5

How to link PS5 account to Discord voice chat.

Linking your Discord account on PS5 is a pretty straightforward process. First, go to your settings using the gear on the top right of your home screen. Navigate to “Users and Accounts” (indicated by your PSN profile picture) and go to the submenu “Linked Accounts.” Among other apps like Spotify & YouTube, you should now see Discord as an option. Simply go to that option, then follow the onscreen instructions. As long as you have a phone or laptop handy, you should complete this process seamlessly.

How to Join Discord Voice Chat on PS5

To join voice chat on the PlayStation 5, you’ll still need a mobile device handy. Go to the server or chat that you’d like to call. Then, when you tap the voice channel to join, swipe up. You should now see an option that says “Join on PS5.” It should have the ID of your PlayStation there as well, which will be familiar if you’ve casted media to your PlayStation before (it’ll most likely be the only one on your menu, anyways). You can change your audio settings as you normally would in a PlayStation party by using the party chat menu, and the microphone & speaker settings on the PlayStation menu.

Unfortunately, it seems like there’s currently no way to natively access the Discord app on PlayStation at the moment. However, considering that most players usually have their phone at the ready, joining should be a simple process anyways. And once you join on your phone, you should no longer need it to stay in the chat. Enjoy playing and chatting with friends, no matter where they play!

Looking for more guides? Check out our guide on how to use the storehouse in Wo Long: Fallen Dynasty!

Top 10 Easiest 2022 Films to Lie About Having Seen Before the Oscars

Posted on by Walker MacDonald

As we slowly crawl our way out of the damp, murky depths of 2022 into the harsh light of 2023, we are met with the same tired media discourse we encounter every year: the Academy Award nominations.

Whether you care about the Oscars or not (probably not), it’s impossible to ignore them. No matter who you are or what you do, at some point between now and March you will inevitably be asked by a coworker or friend; “Can you believe that Reddit-ass movie got a Best Picture nomination?” or “Did you see The Whale? I’m glad Fraser’s back, but it’s low-key kind of mean to fat people,” or any other myriad of unsolicited takes about a meaningless event that hasn’t held real weight in decades.

If these interactions can’t be avoided, there has to be some way to politely defuse them, right? Perhaps there’s some resource of canned responses out there capable of convincing the opposite party that you not only know what they’re talking about, but have an opinion innocuous enough to deter further prodding. 

You may be asking yourself right about now, “but Hard Drive, wouldn’t that be lying?” Does the Tin Man have a sheet metal dick? Grow up. Let’s be honest; the Oscars voting committee didn’t watch those movies either.

Here’s the top 10 easiest films of 2022 to lie about having seen before the Oscars:

 

Elvis (dir. Baz Luhrmann)

This one’s an easy layup. An indulgent, romanticised Wikipedia summary reflecting on the meteoric rise of a beloved artist: the classic musician bio-pic. You can say about this what you would about quite literally any of the rest of them.

“I wish they got into the era when he was doing the real nasty shit.”

 

Avatar: The Way of Water (dir. James Cameron)/Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (dir. Ryan Coogler)

You’re in luck folks, it’s a twofer. Basically the same movie, varying shades of blue guys therein.

“It was a visual feast, but how they portrayed the indigenous people was kinda fucked up.”

 

Everything, Everywhere All at Once (dir. Daniel Kwan, Daniel Scheinert)

Love it, hate it, or really really hate it, Everything, Everywhere has been an unavoidable presence over the past year. Here’s a good one for the gamers out there.

“I can’t believe they got the bat sound from Melee!”

 

The Banshees of Inisherin (dir. Martin McDonagh)

This one isn’t even a lie as such.

“I had no idea what the fuck anyone was saying.”

 

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (dir. Rian Johnson)

Maybe not exactly throwing you a bone here, but if you saw The Menu, just say whatever you thought about that movie and you’d probably be dead on. Take mine, for example:

“It sucked.”

 

Top Gun: Maverick (dir. Joseph Kosinski)/The Fablemans (dir. Stephen Spielberg)

Whether you wanna grow up to make movies or bomb nebulous, faceless foreign nationals in the name of American democracy, the sentiment rings the same.

“The movies are back!”

 

The Whale (dir. Darren Aronofsky)

This one’s become a little bit off a hot button in recent weeks. Smart money is on just not touching it and letting people assume you’re either too reserved and confident in your take to engage in discourse, or that you’re so righteously offended that you refuse to waste your breath. In either case, you come out looking smart as a whip.

 

TAR (dir. Todd Field)

Feel open to freestyling with this one, either answer will fly in this case.

“She was right.” Or alternatively, “She was wrong.”

This tactic can also be applied to pretty much any other movie with a female lead.

 

Triangle of Sadness (dir. Ruben Ostlund)

It’s rich people and poor people on a boat. You figure it out, man.

“It really says a lot about society.”

 

EO (dir. Jerzy Skolimowski)

Consider EO kind of the bingo freebie of the lot. You can easily get away with this one just by sort of leaning into it as a gag.

“Eeeeooooo”

But like, you say it like a donkey braying. Because there’s a donkey in the movie. That’s kinda funny, right? Whatever. If you cared about forming a real opinion, you wouldn’t be reading this article anyway.

Starfield Delayed After Bethesda Devs Had Really Good Idea for Elder Scrolls They Had to Work On Right Now

Posted on by Jeremy Kaplowitz

ROCKVILLE, Md. — Bethesda announced today that its upcoming game Starfield has been delayed until September for PC and Xbox Series X and S.

“Sorry, one of the devs had an absolutely sick idea for something we can do in Elder Scrolls VI and we got super ADHD about it and had to do it right then and there,” explained Bethesda director Todd Howard. “Kinda stupid on our end considering that Starfield was supposed to come out all the way back in November 2022, and Elder Scrolls VI is like barely even a game at this point. But sometimes inspiration strikes and you just wanna work on the shiny new thing for like six or seven months straight instead of the one that’s supposed to be coming out. It’s such classic us! Haha.”

“We just had this really cool idea where the dragons, like—shit, sorry, I really shouldn’t even talk about it. We HAVE to work on Starfield. It’s literally our job right now,” Howard continued. “The thing with Starfield is that it’s so boring now. Like it’s just finishing touches stuff that’s not fun to work on. I don’t even know if I like the game anymore, I’ve been staring at it for so long. It just feels like work, I guess.”

At press time, Howard sheepishly told developers to stop working on the sudden idea they had today for The Evil Within 3 because they “really really really” need to get Starfield out.

Wo Long Fallen Dynasty Storehouse Guide: How to Use Storage

Posted on by Billy Givens

Soulslike games are known for having an abundance of useful items and weapons to find that allow you to exercise freedom in your builds and combat encounters, and Wo Long: Fallen Dynasty is no different. With so much loot to round up in this challenging action-roleplaying title, you may find that you want to hang on to certain things for use later in your adventure, so you’ll want to use the storehouse to keep them safe and sound until you need them. But once the items are transferred, how do you access the storehouse in Wo Long: Fallen Dynasty? 

How to access the storehouse in Wo Long: Fallen Dynasty

In order to access your storehouse, you’ll first need to have made your way to the game’s main hub, the Hidden Village. This will happen early in the game after completing only a handful of main missions, so you won’t need to make significant progress to gain access to the storehouse feature.

Once you’re in the Hidden Village, head down the vine on the right side of the main platform to reach the blacksmith Zhu Xia. Select any option from Zhu Xia that opens your inventory, and you’ll soon find that there is a prompt in the upper right corner of the screen. Depending on your platform, the button will be different, but pressing it will switch you to the storehouse menu.

From within the storehouse menu, you can peruse anything that you’ve moved over and transfer those items back over into your inventory if you wish. Additionally, excess consumable items that you find in levels will automatically be moved to your storehouse, so you can look over those here as well to take stock. Regardless of your reasons for checking things out, be sure to take a look often, as you may find that there are items in your storehouse that you simply don’t need, and these can often be sold for some additional copper that can assist you with buying, embedding, and more.

Not far enough to get the storehouse yet? Check out our guide on how to beat Wo Long: Fallen Dynasty‘s first boss!

Nintendo Reveals That Kirby Is Angry in American Releases Due to Cost of Insulin

Posted on by Dan Bookbinder

REDMOND, Wash — For decades, iconic hero Kirby, known for being cheerful and innocent, has been depicted in American box art with an aggressive, “hardcore” expression. Long thought to be a sales tactic to harden the pink puff’s image, Nintendo of America revealed this demeanor correctly reflects Kirby’s actual anger at the cost of insulin in the United States.

“We’ve long enjoyed our collaboration with HAL Laboratory and the Super Tuff Pink Puff, but we’ve been uneasy hiding the true reason why Kirby looks so angry,” said Nicole Poirer, spokesperson for Nintendo of America. “Since Nightmare in Dreamland, Kirby has been living with Type-2 Diabetes and is furious with Big Pharma’s insulin price gouging.” 

Kirby’s long-time physician, Chemitory, addressed Kirby’s diagnosis.

“Years of Gourmet Races and Dream Buffets caught up with Kirby’s blood sugar levels. Kirby is at the point where insulin is necessary. He’s lucky enough to have insurance to cover those injections with minimal out-of-pocket costs, but the big guy will still have to make some significant lifestyle changes,” Chemitory said. “For all those in Kirby’s position, I recommend to inhale but don’t swallow, and if you absorb a particularly fatty enemy, be sure to spit them out. Supplement the enemy absorption with wearing hats. In terms of diet, stick with curry, sweet potatoes, and Maxim Tomatoes.”

Nintendo of America also released a prepared statement from Kirby himself.

“America is not a dream land. In one of the wealthiest countries in the universe, insulin costs seven times more than anywhere on Planet Popstar, even in the Whispy Woods and Cookie County. Having diabetes is a hardship that doesn’t need to be compounded by a financial burden. This is unethical and dangerous. Eli Lilly is unquestionably worse than King Dedede.”

While many health care advocates are praising Nintendo and Kirby for speaking out on this issue, Nintendo has remained close-lipped on the accusations of colorism for changing Kirby’s pink skin tone white on the cover of Kirby’s Dream Land.

Norfolk Southern Promises Next Derailment Will Make Some Lucky Kids Superheroes

Posted on by Patrick Sullivan

ATLANTA — Norfolk Southern Corporation held a press conference following the latest train derailment to say that it is excited for the new superheroes it is creating exposing children to whatever toxic chemicals are spilling out this time.

“Look, I’ll admit, we might have dropped the ball on the first derailment by only transporting dangerous chemicals and not the cool, sexy superpower chemicals,” said Alan H. Shaw, the CEO of Norfolk Southern. “What happened in East Palestine was a tragedy, but I can assure everyone that we’re adding Chemical X, Mutagen, Gamma Radiation, and whatever the hell else we can cram in there to make some kickass superheroes at the next derailment.”

Shaw continued to reassure the residents of East Palestine that the chance of a badass superhero origin story is totally worth having to drink bottled water for the next 20 years.

“These kids will have the opportunity to become super well-adjusted heroes, like Daredevil,” continued Shaw. “This is exactly why we are very excited to announce we are now carting around enough chemicals to create a kid Spider-Man and definitely not a kid corpse. We’re doing America a favor here, if anything. People keep ragging us on about the train crashes and we’re out here trying to make America the next global superhero power.”

While some local parents have expressed concerns about the announcement, others have come to embrace the new proposal from the transportation company.

“I love my son Jamie more than anything in this world, but I do also own stock in Norfolk Southern, so I’m conflicted,” said Paul Albertson, a resident of East Palestine. “Now I get to put a bit of money in my pocket and my kid could become Superman? That’s an easy risk I’m willing to take with his life.”

After the conference, Norfolk Southern sent out a press release walking back the superhero statement, explaining that the crash was mostly giving local children Batman’s powers, but without the money or training.

Elon Musk Graciously Gives Disabled Man New Lease on Life By Releasing Him From Twitter Employment

Posted on by Camden Brazile

SAN FRANCISCO — Being lavished with praise from activist groups and online commenters, Twitter CEO Elon Musk bestowed an act of charity on disabled employee Haraldur Thorleifsson by releasing him from his employment at Twitter.

“I am completely sympathetic to the plight of disabled Americans, and I thought the least I could do is not make this man suffer the injustice of having to continue to work at my company,” Musk said in a statement today. “My heart breaks thinking of all those poor bastards that have to clock in every day at Twitter, but one by one, I promise I will save them by firing them publicly and without notice. Does this make me a hero? Well, yes. It does.”

Thorleiffsson said he appreciated the CEO’s act of mercy.

“For the longest time, I didn’t know if I was still employed at Twitter, and I just have to commend Mr. Musk for not making me keep my awful, grueling job,” Thorleiffson said on Twitter. “I was working crazy hours with no pay, so for him to finally cut me loose is a win for disabled people everywhere. I feel like I can do anything I want now, and I owe it all to Elon Musk for freeing me from the cruel, malevolent clutches of Elon Musk.”

Musk’s online fan base used the opportunity to praise their favorite tech billionaire.

“Just when you think the Americans With Disabilities Act is air tight, the real-life Tony Stark redefines the whole system,” Musk Fanpage Moderator Craig Groznic said. “He epically trolled disability laws and employment regulations everywhere, and the woke social justice warriors have nothing to say about it except pointing out the litany of laws he violated knowingly and publicly.”

At press time, inside sources at Twitter reported that Musk also included a very generous severance package for his employee, which will include millions after his discrimination lawsuit is settled.