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How to Pitch Hard Drive

 

Thank you for your interest in writing for Hard Drive! Hard Drive is a small, independent comedy company trying to exist online. As such, the people who enjoy writing for the site usually do not rely on Hard Drive freelance payments as any meaningful portion of their income. We’ll pay you fast and easy, but there are no big dollars to be made here.

Ok, now on to the fun stuff.

Here are the content types we are currently looking for:

Lists

Here are some examples:

Ranking the Eeveelutions Based on How Likely They Are to Eat You After You Die
Top 10 Wii Accessories to Try in the Bedroom
Every Bond Girl Ranked by How Hard I’d Fumble
Every Avenger Ranked by How Likely They’d Be to Save Me, a Muslim

News Headlines

Here are some examples:

Phantom Thieves Successfully Clear Biden’s Palace
Sony Announces Pro Version of Boots for Geoff Keighley to Lick
K.K. Slider Announces He Fathered Litter Outside of Marriage
Gaming Exec Gets Blood All Over Bonus Check After Culling Studio

Satirical Opinions

Here are some examples:

I Don’t Care That These Are Streets of Rage, You Still Can’t Park on Them Without a Permit
Opinion: I Can Defeat Spider-Man (Guest Column by Random Thug #3)
I Owe Money to an Actual Raccoon and It’s Much Less Whimsical Than Animal Crossing Would Have You Believe
Opinion: Guns Don’t Kill People, Pokemon With Guns Kill People

Other

Any kind of article format that lampoons the stuff on every other gaming/entertainment site.

Jimmy Carter Ending Explained
DEAL ALERT: I Only Have Sheep
Kind of Weird: Silent Hill’s Red Robin Still Fully Operational
We Break Down What the “S” on Superman’s Chest Stands For

Have an idea for a new type of content we should publish? Include the headline in your pitch packet and if it’s good then we’ll consider it. We’re happy to experiment as long as it’s funny.

How to apply 

Come up with a pitch for one of these specific content types. Ask yourself these questions:

  1. Does this look like it fits the style and format of other Hard Drive articles?
  2. Am I capable of producing this content and working with Hard Drive to publish it in a timely manner?

If the answer to both of those questions is “yes,” then come up with 5 headlines that you think are Hard Drive worthy and email them to [email protected] with the subject line “Hard Drive”.

Be patient, we may not respond right away. We may not respond at all but that’s okay, just touch some grass, improve yourself and come back with new and improved pitches after an appropriate amount of time has passed.

The goal of your pitch is to allow one of our editors to get to an “easy yes.” AKA, even if we don’t want to run your pitches, we just want to know that you understand comedy, our voice and can come up with ideas worthy of the Hard Drive lineage.

If your idea has a subtext about a niche topic, it doesn’t hurt to explain the subtext in an additional line, so that our editors can understand the reference.