Elon Musk announced today that the social media platform Twitter, which bought last year for $44 billion, will be changing its iconic name to “X” and use a unicode symbol as its logo, despite the fact that it cannot be trademarked. Naturally, we and all of Elon’s devoted fans want to congratulate on such a terrific business move. Here are 30 more insanely brilliant new ideas that Musk is bringing to the company in the coming months.
#30 — Make the button to delete a post say “Tweet”
Now if you wanna make a post, the button to release it onto the website will say “X” and the button to NOT release it onto the website will say “Tweet”
#29 — Get his wife and children to love him again
Analysts are unsure how changing the iconic social media site’s name to X will convince his children to respect him as a father, but Elon seems to be working closely with Chat-GPT to get the job done.
#28 — Horses for everyone
There will be a fun new game on the website where anyone who gives Elon Musk a sexual favor will be gifted a horse at some point.
#27 — Expansion into banking
Soon you’ll be able to give Elon Musk as much of your money as you’d like! Very cool. Hopefully getting money out of your account won’t have that weird Twitter glitch where a bot sends you a picture of porn every single time.
#26 — An “Instagram” section
Now that Instagram has a Twitter section, Twitter will have an Instagram section where users can post photos of themselves with captions. Experts predict that by 2025, all websites will be exactly the same.
#25 — More hilarious memes
Musk has announced that no matter what you do or how much you pay for the site, every third post on your X feed will be a meme from 2007.
#24 — Screenshots of tweets
Bluecheck users will now be sent money for screenshotting viral tweets and posting them on their own accounts with a caption that just says “😳”
#23 — Fully sentient in 3 years
Musk promised that in just 36 months the application will be self aware, and the fully AI-powered application will be able to make your wildest dreams come true, yes, including sucking your dick.
#22 — Bringing Donald Trump back
Elon has reportedly been trying to get former President Donald Trump back on the platform by creating a space every day where, for one hour, only Trump is allowed to post and it has to be about celebrity gossip.
#21 — Fighting Mark Zuckerberg
Elon announced today that he has plans to finally fight Mark Zuckerberg using a new strategy where he breaks into Zuckerberg’s house and shoots the Meta CEO in the head with a gun while he sleeps.
#20 — Will change app’s name to “XXX” for a day at some point
Musk will then explain to his dedicated fanbase that this used to be shorthand for pornography 50 years ago.
#19 — Announcing that he is the creator of the company
By the end of 2023, Elon Musk will officially be the founder of X, and therefore, Twitter.
#18 — Bartering economy
Musk confirmed that X will no longer be just a social media platform, but will also let users trade goods and services. If you want to trade 4 car tires for a used gaming computer, you can send your item to the X headquarters, and they will send you the item you want back. Musk insists this is more efficient than the current economic system.
#17 — Everyone can say anything they want on the platform
So long as it’s about liberals, trans people, communists, and racial slurs.
#16 — The Singularity
Using AI, everyone will eventually merge with X and all of humanity will become one single mind, instantly capable of understanding everything about one another. Unless you don’t pay $8 a month for the website, in which case you get to just stay the same.