Every Overwatch Hero Ranked By How Good of a Streamer They Would Be

Posted on by Parker Johnson

Despite everything Overwatch 2 has gotten right, it seems that mistakes being made around the game are inevitable. And with the Hero Mode PvE experience getting canceled, it seems very possible that the game’s heroes are going to be looking for a new line of work soon. This is every hero in Overwatch 2 at the time of writing, ranked by how likely they could successfully pivot to a career of live streaming and content creation.

#37 — Moira

Moira is going to get banned in a matter of days for promoting her alternative medicines. She might be able to grow an audience on other social media platforms if she rants about “cancel culture” enough, but streaming just isn’t for her.

#36 — Sombra

Sombra creates bots for nearly all of her viewers. If might work for a while, but when every comment with the word “shirt” has 50 replies with links, it won’t be long before she looks suspicious.

#35 — Roadhog

Roadhog’s live streams are just too awkward. He’ll occasionally talk to chat, but most of the stream just features him breathing too heavily into the mic.

#34 — Ana

Overwatch 2 Ana

Sorry, but Ana’s just too old to be a successful streamer. Maybe she’s got some insightful commentary, or incredible aim in Counter-Strike, but it’s not worth sticking through the myriad of technical issues to find out.

#33 — Junker Queen

Junker Queen needs to learn how to keep her volume low. A chatter asked her to turn it down a lot and she said “HOW’S THIS?” in the loudest boom you’ve ever heard in your life.

#32 — Bastion

Bastion simply isn’t built to be a streamer. In the modern landscape of react content, some beeps and changing lights just aren’t going to cut it. How is this bot going to make content like a drive-thru challenge?

#31 — Cole Cassidy

Cassidy has shown that he just doesn’t have what it takes to have good branding. Changing your name out of seemingly nowhere isn’t going to sit well with followers of your platform!

#30 — Symmetra

Symmetra is too much of a corporate shill to make it to the top of the streaming landscape. It would be one thing if she started from humble roots and became a corporate mouthpiece after gaining fans, but starting as Vishkar spokesperson who wants to build the “perfect society” is going to turn a lot of people off.

#29 — Zenyatta

Zenyatta: Overwatch 2 (Common) – Unlocked automatically.

Zenyatta is so close to being a great streamer. Wellness and fitness streamers can gather big audiences, but the problem is his religious subtext. I’m just trying to meditate with you man, stop asking if I’ve had “my awakening” or if I’ve “accepted the Iris.”

#28 — Hanzo

Hanzo would be a great streamer’s friend, but not a streamer himself. He doesn’t have the comedic chops to be a content creator, but if he showed up in a Ludwig video titled “3 streamers vs. 1 professional archer,” I wouldn’t be shocked.

#27 — Sigma

Sigma just gets loads of chat messages reading “????” because he keeps asking about what that music is. There’s no sound, dude! However, showing his feet so willingly is bound to get a few dedicated viewers regardless.

#26 — Soldier: 76

Soldier just accidentally clicked “Start Streaming” on OBS after his grandson installed it on his computer. Once he noticed he was live, he just started telling war stories and people love it! He’ll never get a really big audience, but the 10-20 viewers he gets are dedicated ones!

#25 — Torbjorn

Torb could make some incredible gadgets that would draw a lot of viewers. They would draw a lot of viewers, if his temper wasn’t so short. The minute a chatter calls him short, they’re instantly & permanently banned. He has a high ceiling, but it’s only a matter of time until he’s out of chatters.

#24 — Echo

All Echo does is copy other people’s streams. She’ll be shamed off the platform once she bites off a bit more than she can chew and tries to make her own Streamer Awards.

#23 — Pharah

Pharah is a good streamer and incredible gamer. It’s just a shame that the U.S. Army recruitment watermark is a constant reminder of her real motives on the bottom left corner. She thinks we don’t notice it, but we notice.

#22 — Tracer

Tracer isn’t used to not being the main character, and it shows. She gets fine view numbers, but every creator says she’s a nightmare to collab with.

#21 — Baptiste

Baptiste loves playing Pokemon ROM hacks and fangames. He’s not one of the biggest streamers in the community, but is super active in conversation with his chat. Emerald Rogue is his favorite!

#20 — Genji

Genji: Overwatch 2 (Common) – Unlocked automatically.

Genji spends a lot of his time playing speedruns of Mario Odyssey. Not the most charismatic guy in the world, but he accidentally discovered the “Genji Skip” on stream in Luncheon Kingdom, so maybe he’ll get a viewership boost from a Summoning Salt video.

#19 — Reaper

Reaper can try all he likes, but to the wider community, he’ll always just be a poor man’s Corpse Husband.

#18 — Orisa

Overwatch 2 Tank changes

Orisa plays GTA Online while obeying every single traffic law. Her viewers laugh and think it’s a bit, but she really just loves driving. Whatever works!

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Malfunctioning Mitch McConnell Displays Notorious ‘Red Ring of Death’

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

WASHINGTON — At a news conference earlier today, Mitch McConnell shocked the gathered crowd as he displayed what’s known in gaming circles as ‘the red ring of death,’ a malfunction previously thought exclusive to the Xbox 360 video game console. 

“Oh man, that can’t be good for Mitch,” said Charlie Langdon, a photographer that was in attendance. “I remember when my 360 did that and there were all these crazy ideas on the internet about how to fix it, but they were all bullshit. It’s a serious malfunction that needs to be treated as such. No way you just wrap the guy in towels and let him sit overnight. They need to get Mitch back to the factory where they made him as soon as possible!” 

The ‘red ring of death,’ which generally indicates an issue with the power supply, appeared on McConnell’s face shortly after the beginning of a press conference. Prominent Republicans insist the matter isn’t as serious as some are making it out to be. 

“Sure, he glitched a little bit up there and started blinking red from his forehead,” said Senator John Barrasso (R-Wyo.), who assisted McConnell away from the podium after the ring appeared. “But this was just a little oopsie, no big deal. Find me an 81-year-old man that doesn’t blink red once in a while. To be on the safe side, however, we have filed a support ticket with Microsoft and are just hoping they still know how to deal with this. They think they can have him as good as new in three to four weeks! It honestly won’t even be his longest vacation this year.” 

As of press time, President Biden had worried onlookers himself when he inexplicably started drifting to the left while delivering a speech to gathered construction workers. 

15 Little Known Facts About ‘Donkey Kong Country’

Posted on by Mark Roebuck

 

1994’s Donkey Kong Country was both a creative rebirth for its titular character and the game that cemented Rare as developers to be taken seriously. Today we look at some little known facts about this platforming classic that spawned a franchise and continues to inspire debate. Here are 15 little known facts about Donkey Kong Country. 

1. Underwater levels were faked

While most of the game was filmed on location, the underwater levels that feature Donkey and Diddy holding their breath for very unrealistic amounts of time were shot on a soundstage in Burbank, California.

2. The game had a large promotional push

If you were a subscriber to Nintendo Power magazine before the game’s release, a guy came to your house and made sure your TV and sound system were fully optimized for the mind blowing game that was about to drop. Many of these uninvited house guests would later admit to pilfering many of these homes of various personal belongings.

3. Michael Jackson secretly worked on the game

While most assume he had a hand in the soundtrack, The King of Pop actually was a background artist, helping illustrate many of the game’s vivid levels. 

4. ‘Minecart Carnage’ level inspired a (short lived) amusement park ride

The ride was promptly torn down after no one survived the attraction’s initial voyage. Nintendo executives would later walk back their controversial remarks which saw them claiming that “maybe those parkgoers weren’t jumping at the right time.”

5. Aside from the bonus levels, many extra content was cut from the game

This includes original side quests that would have had Donkey and Diddy helping Daisy get ready for a big date and helping Funky jam a balloon full of mescaline up his ass before he took a trip. 

6. Like many other elements, the tire physics were well ahead of their time 

“Please don’t ask me about the tires,” said the programmer that was allegedly tasked with perfecting the tire during Donkey Kong Country‘s two year development cycle. “I don’t want to talk about the tire anymore.” 

7. Nine developers were lost during production

While generally seen as an acceptable loss on a large scale video game production these days, the news cast a grim shadow on an otherwise very enjoyable game. Our condolences to the brave programmers who died working on Donkey Kong Country.

8. Mario refused to participate

“That son of a bitch is-a no good,” said the Nintendo star, when asked to do one of his signature cameos in the game. “I will-a see him in-a hell.” The two stars eventually settled their differences and would go on to star in several Smash Bros games together, although their relationship remains strained. 

9. Is director Peter Jackson’s favorite video game

After failing for years to secure the cinematic rights to what he called “The greatest piece of art I have ever experienced,” Jackson finally settled for the rights to King Kong in 2005 and made that into a video game as well as a film. “It was fun, but it was no Donkey Kong Country,” said the Oscar winning filmmaker. 

10. The game’s plot was inspired by some neighbor kids of director Tim Stamper

They weren’t gorillas, but the two boys did used to break into Stamper’s garage all the time and fuck with his giant stash of bananas.

11. Debut of controversial broadcaster

Years before he was banned from most radio airwaves for insisting that vaccines cause hurricanes and that 9/11 never happened, Rambi the Rhinoceros made his video game debut as one of several animal assistants you meet along the way.

12. Rare did what Nintendo couldn’t: get Donkey to take his shirt off

The official amount remains confidential, but some reports have estimated that DKC developers Rare paid the savvy video game veteran more than a million dollars to remove his shirt. When he showed up on the first day wearing his now signature red tie, he reportedly said, “You guys never said I couldn’t wear a tie.” He had them over a barrel. Pun intended. I don’t even care anymore. 

13. Donkey and Diddy didn’t get along

Rumors persist that Donkey’s offscreen behavior, such as the aforementioned red tie incident and his frequent pleas for second and third lunch breaks, are what led to him being written out of major roles in the subsequent sequels on the SNES. 

14. Utilized several state of the art technologies

Including pre-rendered graphics, expensive workstations, and a revolutionary laser beam that made animals talk when you shot them with it.

15. Iconic soundtrack selection ‘Aquatic Ambience’ took over five weeks to write

The composition of the fan favorite track was complicated by composer David Wise’s insistence that he only write the song a few seconds at a time while he was holding his breath underwater. 

 

Every Coen Brothers Movie Ranked by How Awkward It Would Be to Watch at a Funeral

Posted on by Jeremy Kaplowitz

Joel and Ethan Coen have had a long career making terrific films that defy genre. And while most people do not play movies at a funeral at all (because it would be very strange), what if you wanted to? What if the deceased wanted you to pop on a DVD of Blood Simple? Well you could do that. And so, here’s a ranking of how awkward it would be to watch each Coen Brothers film at the celebration of the life of a loved one who has passed away.

#18 — Fargo (1996)

No one has ever been upset to be watching Fargo! Everyone’s gonna sit around the screen, laughing at the silly voices, and feeling a sense of community. It’s weird to watch ANY movie at a funeral…. maybe except Fargo. When I die, please play Fargo at my funeral. (That being said, I do not intend to ever die).

#17 — Hail, Caesar! (2016)

Hail, Caesar! got kind of a bad rap for some reason, but at the end of the day, if you’re gonna watch a Coens movie at a funeral, why not put on the one that just has a bunch of colors and choreographed dance scenes and isn’t entirely about everyone and everything you know dying horribly and alone? Right?

#16 — The Ballad of Buster Scruggs (2018)

If you simply must watch a Coen movie at a funeral, The Ballad of Buster Scruggs is a good choice. It’s (sometimes) a fun silly time and you can break it up into parts! Maybe you watch the first short, do a speech about the deceased, watch another short, cry a little, etc.

#15 — Raising Arizona (1987)

Watching a movie at a funeral is certainly awkward, but you really can’t go too wrong if you put on young sexy Nicolas Cage on the screen. If you don’t have Moonstruck laying around, I guess throw on Raising Arizona.

#14 — The Ladykillers (2004)

The Ladykillers is actually the only Coen Brothers movie I have never gotten around to watching. And you know what? I’m willing to bet that most other people at a funeral haven’t either! I know it has a reputation for not being their best, but if it’s a Coen movie, I’m sure it’s fine (not to mention, people aren’t exactly the best critic at a friggin funeral). So if I was at a funeral, and someone suggested throwing on The Ladykillers, I’d kinda be down. Sure, when the hell else am I gonna watch this?

#13 — The Big Lebowski (1996)

I absolutely would not be surprised if there are at least a few hundred people who have insisted that The Big Lebowski is played at their funeral. They probably also insisted that their friends attempt to pour their ashes out, only to have the wind blow the ashes back into everyone’s faces. The Big Lebowski is one of the first movies people based their entire personalities on, and honestly, I guess ultimately not the worst choice. Looking at you, The Room heads.

#12 — O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000)

O Brother, Where Art Thou? is basically just a sillier, more modern version of Homer’s epic poem The Odyssey, so maybe you could make some weird argument that this is like an ancient tome that connects all people or something like that and then just let everyone enjoy the sweet tunes of The Soggy Bottom Boys. I dunno! Try this and let me know if it works.

#11 — The Hudsucker Proxy (1994)

Watching The Hudsucker Proxy on its own would not be that bad, but you cannot trust the person who would play this movie at an event that’s meant to be for mourning the loss of a friend or family member to NOT pass out hula hoops to everyone in the audience. And if you do that, it’s absolutely going to be a very strange time. Just put on the movie and let people watch it.

#10 — Blood Simple (1984)

The Coen Brothers’ first movie is a terrific film with an amazing soundtrack and great cinematography. It really is impressive how these guys made such a good movie right out of the gate! If I was at a funeral and someone wanted to throw on Blood Simple, I’d be like, damn OK I guess! Kind of an insane decision, and a pretty pretentious movie to put on the TV, but I guess most people won’t have seen it before and it’s a good time. 

#9 — Intolerable Cruelty (2003)

You’re the guy who keeps insisting that Intolerable Cruelty is lowkey underrated. You’re constantly trying to convince your friend group to watch it when everyone’s hanging out. I totally get that. But don’t be tempted to use the captive audience of a funeral to finally get everyone to check out this satirical rom-com starring George Clooney. It’s just not the time. I mean, come on, it’s not Blood Simple.

#8 — Miller’s Crossing (1990)

Miller’s Crossing is certainly a movie with a lot of death, which you may think would make for an awkward time at a funeral. And maybe it would! But the important thing here is that the deaths are all a result of gangsters making strategic errors during the Prohibition era. That’s a foreign enough concept that no one’s really going to associate it with the fact that grandpa choked to death on a lifesaver or whatever happened.

#7 — Burn After Reading (2008)

This one can go either way. If the person whose funeral it is died because they’re an idiot and were hiding in the closet of a CIA agent, who shot them in the face? This is going to be an extremely awkward movie. If they died any other way (illness, poison, hit by a bus), you’re probably in the clear. It’s always good for someone, at a funeral, to ask the audience: what did we learn from this?

#6 — Barton Fink (1991)

Barton Fink is a movie about a writer who, like all writers, is trapped in Hell. If the person who died was a writer (or Jewish), this might be a pretty awkward movie to throw on at a funeral — especially in the midst of the WGA strikes. But if they were like a successful businessman or something, then go for it, dog! Everyone might honestly get a kick out of it!

#? — Garfield: The Movie (2004)

NO. This is NOT a Coen Brothers movie!! It was written by Joel CoHen. H! We’re not even including Macbeth in here, why the hell would we include a movie written by a totally different guy?! DO NOT WATCH GARFIELD: THE MOVIE AT A FUNERAL.

#5 — No Country for Old Men (2007)

You probably don’t want to watch a movie about the looming specter of Death coming through a village and murdering people for no real reason at a funeral. I mean just imagine the shock if the priest got up to the podium, shifted around the little microphone, and said, “Alright, we’re gonna put on 2007’s No Country for Old Men. Everyone shut up. This is a really good movie. It’s kind of about The Devil.”

# 4 — True Grit (2010)

Like Tenet or In Bruges, True Grit is one of those movies that is in English, but you literally cannot watch without subtitles on. Unfortunately, despite being a great western film with deep themes, this is going to be one of the most difficult Coen Brothers movies to watch over the sound of sobbing friends and family. 

#3 — Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)

Inside Llewyn Davis is easily the least funny of any of the Coens films, therefore making it inherently a pretty awkward watch at a funeral. It’s really good, but also pretty damn sad. You could probably do just the Adam Driver scenes and have a good time, but most likely you’re going to bum everyone out as they think about how Llewyn Davis, and maybe the deceased, never really amounted to much in their lives.

#2 — The Man Who Wasn’t There (2001)

Man, these guys really do have a ton of movies about the impending nature of death, huh? Yeah don’t watch this at a funeral. It’s going to bum everyone out. Also it’s in black and white and people are huge babies about that. They’re going to be upset you’re making them watch a movie while mourning a loved one and then it doesn’t even have color?!

#1 — A Serious Man (2009)

If you play this film for a group of people at a funeral, every single person in attendance will kill themselves.

Weekly Drinking Night Ruined by Excessive Board Gaming

Posted on by Kyle Duggan

CINCINNATI — A weekly meetup where a group of friends gather to drink alcohol and enjoy one another’s company was once again spoiled by the introduction and uncontrolled use of board games, confirmed multiple buzzed sources.

“This night used to be about a bunch of buddies getting together and bonding over a shared interest in booze,” said Will Reid, who hosts the gatherings at his house. “Now it’s just dice roll after dice roll until they all blur together. As the night goes on, people start getting belligerent. Actual fights have broken out over different interpretations of the rules. Hell, Kenny doesn’t even come around anymore. He developed a board game problem in college and says this isn’t a safe environment for him anymore.”

Mark Hardin, whose wife Kristina attends the weekly get-togethers, said he has grown increasingly concerned as the night’s focus shifted from beer to gaming.

“I was happy when it started,” said Hardin, who explained that he enjoyed having some alone time to work on his car. “Kristina would meet up with her friends after work on Thursdays and have a couple of beers as they caught up about work and life, that sort of thing. She’d be home in time to tuck our kids into bed, laughing as she shared her friends’ stories with me. Nowadays, she’s out until all hours of the night. It’s the worst when they play Twilight Imperium. There have been Friday mornings when I’ve woken up alone.”

Professor Norman Underwood, a gaming epidemiology researcher at Northwestern University, said that the issue is hardly limited to Reid’s group.

“After the lockdown, we saw lots of people eager to re-establish connections with their friends and loved ones,” said Underwood, who stressed that there is no safe amount of board gaming. “They started organizing these drinking nights as a healthy, harmless way of rebuilding relationships. Unfortunately, it was only a matter of time before some well-intentioned invitee brought along their copy of Settlers of Catan without thinking about the consequences. Even some more savvy groups might be fooled by more recent games like Drinking Quest. Really, without early intervention and board game safety education in the schools, we’re just going to see this sort of thing continue to spread and worsen for decades.”

At press time, Reid and his friends were excitedly gathered around his kitchen table, ready to sample an exotic board game that one of them had brought back from a trip to Germany.

It’s a Drinking Game and a Tabletop RPG! Drinking Quest: Belch of the Wild now on Kickstarter! Belch Today!

 
 

Pokemon GO Ditto Guide: How to Get Ditto in Pokemon GO

Posted on by Christian Dawson

Want to know how to catch a Ditto in Pokemon GO? This master of disguise hails from the Kanto region and was introduced to the mobile title in 2016. Unlike the main series of games where Ditto’s primary purpose is to produce a litany of Poke-babies, its job in Pokemon GO seems to be annoying players in search of it. Here’s how to track it down.

How to Catch Ditto In Pokemon GO (July 2023)

All ditto disguises in 2023.

Ditto makes use of its ability to morph into other Pokemon to remain largely undetected. Developer Niantic will regularly rotate out which Pokemon Ditto can disguise itself as. Armed with the knowledge of what the disguises could be, it falls to trainers to nab each and every single one they see.

Once the Pokemon has been captured, if it is in fact a Ditto, the capture screen will say “Oh?” instead of “Gotcha!.” At that point, the disguised Pokemon will morph into the Transformation Pokemon.

All Current Ditto Disguises (July 2023)

  • Corphish
  • Diglett
  • Grimer
  • Litleo
  • Roggenrola
  • Snubbull
  • Starly
  • Tympole

Ditto Stats, Moves, And Bonuses

Unfortunately, this Pokemon isn’t great for combat. It’s primarily captured to round out the Pokedex, or for folks that have an adoration for the pink pile of goo. Its primary attack, Transform, will turn it into a copy of the opponent’s Pokémon.

Base Stats

  • Attack: 91
  • Defense: 91
  • Stamina: 134

Possible Moves

  • Fast Attacks:
    • Transform – Normal – 0 Power
  • Charged Attacks:
    • Struggle – Normal – 35 Power

Elemental Bonuses

  • Resistant To:
    • Ghost
  • Weak To:
    • Fighting

That’s all there is to tracking down and capturing a Ditto in Pokemon GO. If you’re the kind of aforementioned player that is all about pink Pokemon, check out our guide on how to get Sylveon in Pokemon GO.

Hollywood Celebrities React to the SAG-AFTRA Strike

Posted on by Camden Brazile

With the Screen Actors Guild joining the Hollywood writers strike, many opinions about the debates and the picket line are swirling around Los Angeles. Here are the wildest quotes we got about the SAG- AFTRA strike!

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

“I was out there on the picket line as soon as the algorithm that runs my life told me it was the most marketable move”

Michael Shannon

*Cold, lifeless stare for forty-five unblinking minutes*

Bob Iger

“I’m sympathetic to the needs of the working class. Just last year I let my maid use the toilet in the guest house”

Mark Wahlberg

“Trust me: if I were in the room during union discussions, I could have prevented 9/11”

Zach Braff

“Thank you for including me as a member of  Hollywood”

Tom Cruise

“Just tell me how many jumps and flips I have to do to stop this madness”

Adam Sandler

“AI can never half-ass a movie script like a human being can”

Alec Baldwin

“At the end of the day, writers and actors just want enough money to put food on the table for their three wives and eight kids”

Chat GPT

“I’m all for the strike. I don’t want to write those shitty sequels either”

Jamie Lee Curtis

“In times like this, it’s important that everyone lend a hand. That’s why I killed four studio heads on my way home today”

AI-Generated Black Mirror Episode Strangely Upbeat

Posted on by Naomi Krause

LOS ANGELES — A new AI-generated episode of the anthology horror show Black Mirror has surprised longtime fans with its surprisingly upbeat tone and lack of twist ending, sources have confirmed.

“Whoa, that was a weird one,” said local Black Mirror fan Heather Tipton. “It was all about how these machines had constructed a utopian society and how happy they had made everyone. Then, after 45 minutes or something, the episode just ended after everyone in town had a nice Sunday barbecue. I might watch it again to see if I missed something, but this really just seems like a calling card for how great AI can be. I don’t get it.”

After the show’s premiere, Black Mirror producers revealed that the episode was an experiment and the entire script had been generated by AI.

“That’s why instead of some twist or something, everyone just kept vibing with the AI,” said Black Mirror creator Charlie Brooker. “It’s not the direction we would have went, but that’s why we thought it was such a brilliant idea. You expect us to insert some commentary on the encroaching nature of the technology around us, but hey, even we’ve embraced it by this point. It’s pretty cool! This baby popped out three more scripts just last night. And all we have to pay him is nothing!”

As of press time, Black Mirror had announced several new episodes coming out right away, forever.

Pokémon Trainer Keeps Gardevoir in PC Box Labeled “Work Stuff”

Posted on by Naomi Krause

MAUVILLE CITY, Hoenn —  Local Pokémon trainer Ollie Bond reportedly keeps a copy of Gardevoir in a PC box labeled “work stuff,” according to sources snooping around to find information about it.

“Oh, uh, work stuff? Nothing important in there at all. Just some um… Dittos and other boring Pokémon,” Bond said, desperately searching for an explanation for why he had a hidden Pokémon PC box. “I certainly wouldn’t jack off to one of the Pokémon in that box haha. I mean, I wouldn’t jack off to any Pokémon. I don’t even jack off. I’m saving myself for marriage. Maybe even after that. Just…. Please stop standing there saying nothing. I get that you’re just a 15-year-old kid or whatever, but you just completely destroyed me in a battle, took my money, and now are just watching me unravel here. I gotta get out of here and, uh, do some…. work stuff.”

Despite Bond’s insistence that the box contained merely “work stuff,” other members of the Hoenn community were quick to discover the lone Gardevoir in there.

“Yeah, it’s on my fucking PC. Of course I can see what’s on it,” said local PC owner Bill. “The thing is, though, he’s a Pokemon trainer. No one would have thought it was weird if he had a box with a Gardevoir in it. Truly, no one would have noticed! But the fact that it’s labeled ‘work stuff’ and he kept insisting it’s just taxes until I told him you can’t upload taxes to a PC… that’s what makes it weird. And then I googled ‘Gardevoir drawings,’ and well, I guess what I would say is that what I saw there was nothing short of horrifying.”

At press time, Bond tried to defend himself by insisting that the Gardevoir, whom he claimed to have never met, had cast both “Charm” and “Confusion” on him.

Girlfriend Uses Environmental Storytelling by Shivering to Indicate She’s Chilly

Posted on by Mackenzie McGee

MINNEAPOLIS — Local girlfriend Jemma Brady created an immersive narrative experience to signal her physical discomfort to her new boyfriend Keith Powers in what many are calling an inventive approach to communication.

“She got goosebumps the second we arrived at Keith’s place. She was wearing a short sleeve shirt, so Keith had to see them when she went in for a hug. Then she folded her arms in front of her, kind of hunched over, and absentmindedly rubbed her hands up and down her biceps. That’s how she was expertly able to show she was cold without uttering a single line of dialogue,” said friend of the couple, Sydney Hodges. “While we were in the kitchen making popcorn, she started messing with the thermostat. The girl really knows how to use mise-en-scene.”

Brady says she has been working on various techniques to get information across to her boyfriend in ways that let him discover it on his own.

“Relationships are inherently spatial,” said Brady. “Keith’s one-bedroom-plus-bonus-office apartment is more than just a setting — it’s a world he keeps cooled to 67 degrees, even in the summer. And it’s drafty, so the AC is pretty much blowing constantly.” 

Powers, however, said he’s still getting used to Brady’s methods.

“Looking back, some of the hints seem so obvious, but I didn’t think much of them at the time. Like, she got a big blanket for us to share, but I just thought she wanted to cuddle,” Powers explained. “I actually think I would have gotten it faster if Heather hadn’t picked Snowpiercer as the movie. I’m usually more of a lore guy, so that threw me off. I finally figured it out when Jemma borrowed my sweatshirt. She stopped shivering almost instantly. That’s environmental storytelling.”

“I think I’m better at picking up on subtle cues than I used to be, and solving problems is so much more satisfying,” Powers added. “When it finally clicked, I didn’t just know Jemma was cold—I felt it.

At press time, Brady reportedly left voice recordings around the apartment for Powers to find so he could learn that she wishes he would do some dishes.

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