Showtime Rebrands to ‘HBO’ While It’s Up for Grabs

LOS ANGELES — In a press release earlier today, the premium television network Showtime has announced a rebranding to HBO now that the name has become available.

“HBO is an instantly recognizable brand that carries real weight to it,” said CEO of the network formerly known as Showtime, David Nevins. “When the HBO logo pops up along with the iconic static and music queue, viewers know they are in for some of the highest quality of programming there is. I cannot wait to start presenting it before all our crap.”

Nevins went on to discuss the exciting content awaiting new subscribers to the newly named HBO app. 

“You like Succession? Well we’ve got Billions. Both seem to be about rich people so they’re basically the same thing and ours is in its seventh season. We’ve got that show Yellowjackets everyone loves so much. I think. That’s either us or Starz — I can never remember. And did you know we’ve brought back Dexter? That’s right. There’s a lot of good stuff cookin’ up at HBO: The One to Watch for Showtime.”

As of press time, confusing everybody, streaming service Cinemax announced it will, from now on, be known as just Cine.

2023 PlayStation Showcase: When is PlayStation Showcase 2023?

Kicking off the Summer Game Fest season, Sony’s 2023 PlayStation Showcase is right around the corner, but when is it? Luckily, fans don’t have to wait long to watch this big event. Here’s the date & time of the big May 2023 PlayStation Showcase.

When is the Next 2023 PlayStation Showcase?

The May 2023 PlayStation Showcase is taking place on Wednesday, May 24, at 1 PM PDT/4 PM EDT. You can watch on PlayStation’s official broadcast channels on YouTube or Twitch. The company didn’t give an exact runtime on the conference, but did state that it will have a duration of “more than an hour,” focused on games for PS5 and PSVR2.

What is Being Shown at May 2023 PlayStation Showcase?

As of the time of writing, no single game has been 100% confirmed by PlayStation to show up at the conference. There are, however, a few safe guesses to make by looking at the PS5 release calendar for the remainder of the year.

It seems like a forgone conclusion that Insomniac’s Spider-Man 2 will be the headliner of the show. The targeted release window by Sony is still Fall 2023, and Insomniac is actively shutting down rumors about Spider-Man topics like co-op, so it seems like the showcase would be a great time to start the marketing machine for the game in earnest. A concrete release date and/or a gameplay trailer both seem like strong possibilities.

Other PlayStation exclusive or promoted games will likely get a spotlight. Street Fighter 6 and Final Fantasy 16 will probably get trailers (likely final ones) ahead of their pending June release dates. Some other possible third party/indie games to showcase include Goodbye Volcano HighArmored Core VI: Fires of Rubicon, and Final Fantasy VII Rebirth.

Finally, it seems likely that we’ll be getting a few surprises from the May 2023 PlayStation Showcase. Spider-Man 2 is a huge game, but a fall release leaves the PS5 calendar wide open for a bit November release, not to mention a wide open 2024. Perhaps we’ll see something of the Last of Us multiplayer project, whatever’s next for Sucker Punch after Ghost of Tsushima, or something else entirely. Either way, the conference should have plenty for PS5 owners to be excited about!

Christopher Nolan Hastily Edits ‘Oppenheimer’ After Test Audience Able to Understand Ending

LOS ANGELES — After a test screening of his upcoming blockbuster Oppenheimer, director Christopher Nolan has announced he is hastily editing the final cut of the film after the audience was able to understand the ending.

“I was horrified to see people leaving the theater, talking about how they enjoyed the ending and have a solid grasp on the movie’s plot,” Nolan said. “I’m going back to the editing bay to make sure that the moment the movie releases there are two dozen ‘Ending Explained’ YouTube videos posted. I’m adding two more twists, four more simultaneous timelines, and twelve pages of convoluted science explanation. If you want to enjoy a Nolan movie, your ass has to work for it. And don’t bother asking me about the plot of the film, because I cut that thing up and mixed it around so much that even I have no idea what’s happening.”

“And for the love of god, if I find out a single fucking person watches this movie without subtitles on,” Nolan added, “I’m gonna kill another wife. I fucking mean it.”

Audiences of the new cut of the film have been pleased with the new high-concept ending.

“When I watched Oppenheimer the first time, it was a clean-cut movie that had one, coherent plot in chronological order. I’m so glad Nolan fixed that,”said viewer Andrea Hertzfeld. “Now the middle of the movie is the first twenty minutes told backward, the ending and the beginning play at the same time cross cut with each other, and what you think is the ending is actually the beginning, and vice versa, and also neither are either. It’s Nolan’s masterpiece in my opinion.”

At press time, sources reported that Nolan was finally satisfied with the sequence of the film when a screening gave the entire audience at the premiere an instant migraine.

Man Running From Monster Takes Quick Pitstop to Write “HE’S COMING” on Ceiling

LAKE COUNTY, Colo. — In the midst of a breathless pursuit from a ghastly monster through an abandoned asylum, Eric Holmwood, a local investigative journalist, abruptly stopped running, grabbed a ladder and meticulously inscribed “HE’S COMING” on the ceiling.

“With the monster hot on my heels, my mind started to race with ideas of where the best spot to leave a mysterious bloody warning message would be,” said Holmwood. “So, naturally, I chose a spot where it’d be impossible for anyone to miss it — the ten foot ceiling of the dimly lit hallway.”

“I wanted people to know that he’s coming,” Holmwood said. “That’s why I wrote, ‘HE’S COMING.’”

Later on, local urban explorer Ricky Nolan, stumbled upon Holmwood’s message during an expedition.

“What the fuck am I supposed to gather from this?” said Nolan upon finding the message. “Furthermore, who exactly is this elusive ‘he?’ And is he coming right now, or was he just coming at the time this message was written? I feel like this message was intended to help me, but that was only the tip of the iceberg of my questions.”

The dreadful dark apparition, Shadowthorn, reportedly felt upset by the scrawling.

“OK first of all? That’s my freaking ceiling you’re carving into with a knife. Not cool. That’s literally graffiti, by the way,” Shadowthorn shrieked. “Second of all, I don’t want people to know that I’m coming! I’m trying to sneak in the shadows and stalk my prey. It’s incredibly annoying to suck the souls of my victims if they get a big warning about my presence right before they enter my domain. Really rude!”

At press time, Holmwood was last seen meticulously scrawling another warning message on a grain of rice under a stairwell.

Ezra Miller Teases One Last Scandal for ‘The Flash’ Premiere

LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Actor Ezra Miller enigmatically hinted that they were planning on committing one final outrageous crime before the premiere of the upcoming DC Films movie The Flash during a recent appearance on The Tonight Show.

“That sounds like a really crazy idea, doesn’t it?” said the coyly smiling Fantastic Beasts star, after a giggling Jimmy Fallon asked about rumors regarding a plan to hijack a school bus full of children and drive it into the sea. “I mean, I would have to be absolutely out of my mind to do something like that. I think the whole world would be watching if I tried that stunt.”

Christine Stoneman, a self-proclaimed DC Comics fanatic, said she was looking forward to Miller’s upcoming antics.

“Man, I hope they do something for the fans,” said Stoneman, who had Miller’s handprint tattooed on her throat. “This is a big event. It’s the culmination of so many things that have come before it, so they have to toss in some references to all of that stuff. Like, maybe Ezra could wear a ‘Native American Messiah’ t-shirt despite having no American Indian heritage while they assault someone in a bar. Or there could just be guns laying all over the place, and everyone could have bullets in their mouths, like that one-year-old that was in Ezra’s care in Vermont.”

Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav responded during a press conference, saying that there was no truth to the rumors.

“Of course, we’re sure that Ezra won’t go out and do something that will get their name in the headlines right as the movie is coming to theaters,” said Zaslav, whose lawyer was standing beside him as he gave his statement. “We truly believe that any sort of bus-related incident is just unthinkable, regardless of how much publicity it would generate. We would certainly never condone — much less encourage — such reckless and profitable behavior.”

At press time, Miller was seen booking a flight to Hawaii.

Legend of Zelda Tears of the Kingdom: Best Fuse Material Guide

One of the most important things to know about in your adventure through The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom is how to use the best fuse material to bring the best out of your weapons. All of the new abilities introduced in TOTK feel pretty limitless. Fuse specifically can help bring out the best in your equipment, bringing interesting new properties to your swords, shields, & arrows. Here are some of the best fuse materials to make the best out of all of your equipment.

Zelda Tears of the Kingdom: Best Shield Fuse Material

The best fuse material for shields in Tears of the Kingdom.

Starting with shields, most of the best fuse material in Tears of the Kingdom will be with select Zonai devices. These can give your shields increased utility with two main capabilities: offense or mobility.

For offense-oriented shields, you can rely on both Flame Emitters & Beam Emitters. Both of these will allow you to attack enemies with a consistent stream while also defending yourself. For a bit more oomph on this shield offense, consider fusing a shield with a cannon. This won’t have as consistent of a damage output, but can provide knockback to knock away a single powerful enemy. A smart move might be to have one Emitter shield, and one cannon shield.

If you want a mobility shield, though, you still have a few options. For ground mobility, consider attaching a sled or cart to your shield. When you shield surf now (by pressing A in mid-air with a shield equipped), you can get a whole lot more speed. Looking for more vertical movement? Attach a rocket to your shield to rise up in the sky by defending with your rocket shield. The rocket will fade before long, though, so only use this in a pinch.

There’s a few other devices that have interesting effects as well. Fusing a fan to a shield can disrupt your enemies, and fusing environmental items like spike balls to your shield can give your enemies a bit of payback. You can also go on the defensive by attaching a puffshroom to your shield, which will unleash a smokescreen when an enemy strikes it.

Best Fusion Weapons in Zelda: TOTK

To bring out your weapons’ full potential in Tears of the Kingdom, you’ll want to use the best fuse material. This is much more straightforward than with shields, though. For the most part, the material with the best fuse power is what you’re going to want to put on your melee weapons. There are still some interesting combos to be had, though.

Gems like rubies, topaz, and sapphires can give interesting elemental effects to your weapons. Attaching a piece of topaz to a stick, for example, can give the stick the ability to hurl balls of electricity at your enemies. It’s also smart to stick to your weapons’ given synergies. For example, using Zonai materials on Zonai-powered weapons is a no-brainer, and will help you make the most of both the materials and weapons. Other than these outlier cases, though, it’s usually best to just stick to highest power items you can for melee weapons.

Best Arrow Fuse Material in Tears of the Kingdom

To create the best arrows in Tears of the Kingdom, there’s plenty of materials to choose from. Fragile yet powerful materials like Gibdo Bones are perfect for arrows to pack a bigger punch. However, the much better use of arrows is situational materials with new effects.

Chuchu Jelly can add a ton of new effects to your arrows, changing element depending on the color. White can freeze enemies, while red ignites them. You can use elemental fruit like fire fruit & ice fruit to achieve similar effects, as well. Bomb Flowers can pack a powerful punch in a large area, too, but are hard to come by, so use them sparingly. The aforementioned Puffshrooms can be handy for arrows as well, creating a smokescreen to either escape or abuse Sneakstrike on strong, unaware enemies.

That’s a beginner’s guide to Tears of the Kingdom‘s best fuse materials! The combinations with the fuse mechanic are limitless, so experiment with everything you find to make the most of your weapons. While you’re at it, check out our list of all elixir recipes in Tears of the Kingdom to enhance yourself as well as your weapons.

Everything We Know About the Future of the MCU By Hacking Tom Holland’s Private Medical Records

Marvel Studios Is Scaling Back

Due to how easy it was to decrypt the various passcodes on Holland’s personal file, we can easily see Marvel is attempting to go back to its roots of smaller-scale movies, television shows, and server protection.

Tom Holland’s Various Moles Spell Out ‘Ant-Man Will Return’

We can see an Easter Egg revealing everyone’s favorite tiny superhero will be back in theaters soon based on a crude message written in moles on Holland’s ass. 

The Next Spider-Man Movie Will Feature Peter Parker Gaining Six Pounds

According to Holland’s recent weight fluctuation, fans can expect the web slinger to put on a negligible bit of weight in the next movie.

Sony Technically Owns Tom Holland’s Corpse When He Dies

A standard part of the infamous merchandise deal with Marvel. 

Tom Holland Has Herpes 

But about 80% of U.S. adults do, so who can really blame him?

Robert Downey Jr. Has Herpes

That’s who gave it to Tom Holland. Not sure why this is in the medical record.

Zendaya Has Herpes

This one’s just speculation, but at some point, she may get it (if she hasn’t already). Especially with Tom’s infamous record of letting things slip in the past! Haha

A Potential Crossover Between Spider-Man and Captain Marvel’s Dermatologist

Our insider intel suggests the MCU may have an exciting collaboration between skin doctors to battle Captain Marvel and Spider-Man’s chronic eczema. 

Marvel Cast Peter Parker With Comic Book-Accurate Blood Type

Just like in the golden age Spider-Man comics, the MCU version of Peter Parker has type AB- blood

Tom Holland Recently Signed on to Eight More Marvel Movies

This can be assumed from the large “SUICIDE RISK” written under his doctor’s mental health notes.

Zelda Tears of the Kingdom Gerudo Scimitar Location Guide

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom has one incredible weapon: the Scimitar of the Seven, but one ingredient is a bit tough to find: a Gerudo scimitar. After completing the side quest “The Missing Owner,” you’ll be offered a reward from Isha, which will lead to another side quest, “Pride of the Gerudo.” She offers to craft the arms of the seven for you, including a set of a shield called the Daybreaker and the Scimitar of the Seven.

However, you’ll need to provide some materials for her before she crafts this equipment. Specifically, you’ll need to gather four diamonds, 10 pieces of flint, and a Gerudo scimitar & shield. Here’s where to find one part of that requirement: the Gerudo scimitar.

Zelda Tears of the Kingdom: Where to Find a Gerudo Scimitar

On the hunt for a Gerudo scimitar in TOTK, there are a few places in Hyrule that you can look. The easiest way is by advancing the main quest “Riju of Gerudo Town.” Once you prepare to defend Gerudo Town from the Gibdos invading, one of the weapons available in your preparation arsenal is a Gerudo Scimitar (and a shield, if you still need that!) Simply hold onto this instead of using it, and you’ll be able to utilize it to create a Scimitar of the Seven!

Tears of the Kingdom Gerudo Scimitar: Ancient Prison Ruins

If you already used this option, though, there is another location to find this valuable weapon. You can explore the Ancient Prison Ruins, located in the Palu Wasteland by jumping in a quicksand pit at roughly (-3096, -3055, 0015). Instead of the usual death you’re greeted with, you’ll be transported to these ruins.

For the first sword, navigate the halls until you reach the second switch. Look in the room to your left, and you’ll find a Gerudo Scimitar laying on the ground. For the next one, go to the right at the second switch and navigate to the rough coordinates (-3156, -3088, -0047). Ascend in this room, and you’ll be greeted with another Gerudo Scimitar on the ground!

Farm Moldugas to Get a Gerudo Scimitar

How to farm Moldugas for Gerudo scimitars.

If you’ve already exhausted these guaranteed options, though, you can also turn to facing off against Moldugas in Toruma Dunes, where you first saved Isha. You’ll be able to find one of these monsters here after every Blood Moon, so it’s an easy way to farm new scimitars if you break your Scimitar of the Seven. Luckily, these monsters are very simple to beat. 

  1. Get up on a perch off of the sand. Usually there are plenty of rock formations to hide on. 
  2. Throw some material (preferably something you have an abundance of) on the ground to lure the Molduga out of the ground.
  3. Shoot an arrow with some explosive or elemental effect at the monster when it leaps up. Bomb flowers are effective here, as well as a combo with Riju’s ability if you want to save your bombs.
  4. Use a strong weapon to rack up damage while the monster is stunned, then get back on your perch. Repeat the process until the Molduga is defeated.

After they’re defeated, Moldugas will drop one or two chests, each with a chance of containing a Gerudo scimitar or shield.

It’s also worth mentioning that amiibo collectors can get around this whole process: scan your Urbosa amiibo to be greeted with a free set of Gerudo equipment!

That’s all you need to know to find a Gerudo scimitar in Tears of the Kingdom! While you’re in Gerudo Town, you should seek out the stelae locations for “The Heroines’ Secret” quest.

Honkai Star Rail Simulated World Team Composition Guide

Early in your adventure, you’ll be introduced to the new rouge-like dungeons in Honkai Star Rail called the Simulated World. You will be able to replay them each week for rewards that span from resources and materials for pulls for the premium banner. To make the most of your time in these dungeons, here’s the best Simulated World team composition.

Honkai Star Rail Simulated World: Best Healer & Tank

With six different worlds, the dungeons will unlock as you raise your Equilibrium level. Each world has a unique environment, stalked by monsters with various weaknesses and elemental affinities. You’re going to be facing tougher enemies than you encounter in the overworld. Two Simulated World team comp picks that will make your experience that much better are going to be a healer and a tank. In Honkai, that would mean you need someone from the Abundance and Preservation paths, respectively. 

If you were lucky enough to get Bailu or Gepard from your standard pulls (or unlucky enough to get either of the two off your limited banner pulls), they are both fantastic choices to bring along with you to carry you through the higher levels of the simulated universe. 

Natasha is a physical Abundance character, meaning she is a healer with the physical burn. Her best quality is that she is a free-to-play unit that everyone gets from progressing through the first world in the main story. Requiring minimal investment, Natasha provides an invaluable asset: the ability to cleanse debuffs from allies. This will be an essential tool once you hit world 5, where the boss will have the ability to control your party and make members attack one another.

March 7th, one of the key characters in Simulated World team composition.

The only other character with a cleanse at Eidolon 0 is going to be March 7th, a free-to-play preservation unit with a fantastic kit. What makes March 7th’s cleanse so great is that it unlocks at character ascension level 2, compared to Natasha’s unlocking at her ascension level 4.

After you clear the first planet in the main storyline, completing the tutorial, you will unlock another elemental affinity and class for the Trailblazer main character. Their elemental affinity changes from physical to fire, and their class from destruction to preservation. This easily takes Trailblazer mc from C to S tier, as they gain the only true-taunt ability in the game. Other characters only have the ability to raise their chance of being attacked with no way to guarantee it. Trailblazer’s skill Ever-burning Amber raises their DMG reduction 45% and grants a 100% base chance to taunt all enemies for one turn. 

You’ll want to bring any combination of two Preservation and Abundance characters to keep your main DPS and support units alive. Once you have these two slots filled, you can turtle your way through the toughest levels. 

Simulated World: World 1 Team Composition

Best Simulated World team composition for World 1.

You’ll go through World 1 and World 2 as part of side quests. It shouldn’t really matter who you bring — just stack preservation blessings to shield your characters easier. The enemies in the first world are weak to fire, wind, ice and physical. Asta, March 7th, Dan Heng and Natasha are solid picks that everyone should have.

After clearing each world, there will be an initial clear reward. You will be scored each week for rewards that unlock as you score higher. There is also a bonus that can be redeemed several times without spending any Trailblaze power. Redeeming the bonus can award you ability points which can be spent on permanent passive abilities to buff you as you take on the simulated universe, making subsequent runs a lot easier.

World 2 

The second world houses enemies weak to lightning, fire and ice. Swapping Serval for Dan Heng should be enough if you are struggling here. Same thing as world one; you want to stack the Preservation blessings, buffing your tank and bringing in the super move.

Honkai Star Rail: Simulated World 3 Team Composition

The best team composition for World 3 in Simulated World.

The third world is the first dungeon that you will want to farm for relic drops, similar to Genshin Impact’s artifact system. This world drops the Space Sealing Station relic set and the Fleet of the Ageless relic set. The final boss of this world is Gepard; with him, the main mechanic you want to watch out for is in his second phase. Gepard can summon a shield that will cover him and all his allies. The preservation blessings path will still be the safest one to go with here.

The Space Sealing Station set increases attack by 12% and has a SPD modifier at 120 that will give an extra 12% for a total of 24% ATK percent. The Fleet of the Ageless set increases your max HP 12% and has a SPD modifier at 120 to increase your attack 12%. 

The enemies in the third world are weak to ice, physical, lightning and imaginary. It would be best to bring in the Trailblazer (physical) and Serval for free-to-play, or Tingyun and Sushang if you have been lucky with gatcha for your two rotator slots as your DPS and support DPS. 

World 4 Team Composition

World four drops the Talia: Kingdom of Banditry set and the Sprightly Vonwacq set. This world has enemies that are weak to each of the elements, but all enemies in this dungeon are weak to fire and all but one are weak to lightning. The boss for this dungeon is Svarog; in his second phase, he will summon a special unit that can grab and detain one of your units, slowly killing them unless you can break its shield.

Asta and Serval are going to absolutely rule this world with their AoE attacks and elemental pairings. Hook is also great if you managed to pull her. In this dungeon, you will unlock the Abundance path, and this ultimate ability will provide a surplus of healing for your team and will now be the path we always go with. 

The Talia: Kingdom of Banditry set raises break effect by 16% and has a SPD modifier at 145 that gives an extra 20% break effect. The Sprightly Vonwacq set increases energy regeneration rate by 5%, and at 120 SPD, it advances the wearer’s actions 40%.

Simulated World 5 Team Composition: Honkai Star Rail Guide

The fifth world is where you are really going to want that cleanse ability. The boss of this world is Kafka, and she has the ability to mind control one of your units. Wind and physical DMG types will be enough to cover all the weakness types in this dungeon. World 5 drops the Pan-Galactic Commercial Enterprise set and the Celestial Differentiator set.

Dan Heng and Natasha are your free-to-play picks, and Sushang and Sampo are excellent DPS characters to bring if you have them.

The Pan-Galactic Commercial Enterprise set raises effect hit rate by 10%, also raising ATK for a maximum of 25% their effect hit rate. The Celestial Differentiator set raises CRIT DMG by 16%, and if their CRIT DMG is over 120% when entering a battle, then it raises CRIT Rate by 60% for the first turn only.

Honkai Star Rail: World 6 Simulated World Guide

World six is the only way to get five star relics before Trailblazer rank 40. This world drops the Belobog of the Architects set and the Insert Salsotto set. Cocolia is the final boss for this dungeon, and during her second phase, she will summon her daughter Bronya. Bronya is a 5 star harmony character, which means she is a dps support. You’ll want to focus on Bronya first as she will just keep buffing her mom, then Cocolia will attack with a big AoE. 

Fire and lightning DMG will be enough to cover all the enemies in this dungeon, so another playground for Asta and Serval. Hook is another great DPS here as well. Also make sure to stack the Abundance blessings as it will make the runs so much easier.

If you have pulled any of the 5 star supports or DPS, be sure to slot them in when their element is needed. The biggest thing to focus on when building a team is making sure you have all elemental weaknesses covered.

Ed Boon Confirms There Has Never Been a Mortal Kombat Game Before ‘Mortal Kombat 1’ and You’re All Being Insane

CHICAGO — Creator of the upcoming game Mortal Kombat 1 Ed Boon confirmed today that the game is called that because there has never been a Mortal Kombat game that was released before it and that you’re all crazy for thinking so.

“Why is it called Mortal Kombat 1? Uh… because it’s the first ever Mortal Kombat game. What?” Boon said at a press conference. “Frankly, I’m not sure why you’re all so confused about this. It’s the first game in a new fighting series we are calling Mortal Kombat. Are you implying that we already released games in that series? Seriously? I think there might be something wrong with you. You all need to see a doctor, you’re making me genuinely worried for your health and sanity. You’re acting crazy again. This is the first ever Mortal Kombat game, that’s why it’s called Mortal Kombat 1.”

Despite Boon’s insistence, many in attendance still felt unsure about the new series’ past.

“I dunno, he made a pretty convincing argument,” said video game journalist Allen Chandler. “But I swear to god I’ve played one of these Mortal Kombat games before — hell, I feel like I’ve played dozens. But on the other hand, the game is called Mortal Kombat 1… why would it be called that if there were other Mortal Kombat games before it? Fuck, I think I might need to check myself into a mental hospital. Something is not right with me; I’m unwell.”

“I really am scared that I’m losing my mind. I could have SWORN there were Mortal Kombat games before this,” said Twitter user @iLuvSonyaBladeeee. “And my username on here is that I love someone named Sonya Blade, who I feel like I’ve had a connection to my whole life. And she’s in this new game! How the fuck could I have predicted that? It makes me worried that I have amnesia and false memories and have somehow forgotten that I am actually a game developer who worked on Mortal Kombat 1 until I had a nearly fatal accident. Oh god, what is happening to me?!”

At press time, Kazuki Hosokawa, director of Yakuza 0, confirmed that there has never been a Yakuza game.

Check out our limited edition Mario Kombat x Mortal Kart crossover tees!

 

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