CLOCK TOWN — Over forty attendees of Clock Town’s annual Carnival of Time were injured, some critically, when a planned “ball drop” event ended with an angry moon crashing down into the metropolitan hub, familiar-looking sources confirm.
“Tingle, Tingle! Kooloo-Limpah,” said Tingle, 35, a map salesman who witnessed the tragedy while hanging from a balloon in North Clock Town.
“These are the words that Tingle exclaimed when that furious heavenly body fell upon the city and blew up all of those people! The authorities aren’t ready to confirm any deaths, but Tingle is! I will sell you the names of those who perished at a discount, in exchange for friendship!”
Workers involved in the preparations for the carnival said that the event’s organizers were aware of the potential danger and had made efforts to address it.
“They hired an independent contractor to figure out how to stop the whole moon-fall thing,” said Jiro, a local carpenter. “Some kid. A Deku Scrub, I think. He had a weird tuba thing he’d play sometimes. I remember asking, ‘What’s he gonna do, play the moon off?’ and a bunch of guys laughed.”
“Then some other guys said, ‘No, he’s going to summon the four giants to use their very strong arms to stop the moon from falling.’ That was pretty embarrassing. I sure had egg on my face after that entirely reasonable explanation. Anyway, the kid apparently screwed up and the moon still fell on the city.”
Some Clock Town residents were eager to point figures at a well-known-yet-mysterious outsider, but the controversial figure denied any involvement.
“It’s a terrible fate, isn’t it?” said the Happy Mask Salesman, who has hosted Termina News Network’s live coverage of the Carnival of Time for eight years.
“The town has had successful carnival after successful carnival, with not so much as a hiccup until now. Funny, during all of those earlier carnivals, the network allowed my co-host and I to celebrate the occasion with a drink or two. This year, they ban alcohol on the broadcast, and look what happens: some skinny kid steals my most evil and powerful mask and sabotages the annual moon drop. It’s clearly not my fault, but I’m sure I could sort this whole situation out if I had a few whiskey sours in me.”
At press time, the Deku Scrub contractor hired to avert the disaster had returned to Clock Town brandishing its strange horn-like instrument and began playing an awkwardly-arranged song.
