Baldur’s Gate 3 has received widespread acclaim for its rich, intricate storytelling, but not even the Mona Lisa is perfect. With innumerable lines of dialogue, little details were bound to be overlooked along the way. Let’s explore the eight biggest plot holes in Larian Studios’ massive CRPG. Minor spoilers ahead!
#1 — How Does Astarion Get That Hair with No Reflection?
For someone so obsessed with being beautiful, you’d think Astarion would even know what he looks like. Our favorite vampire spawn has no reflection, which forces us to ask: seriously, how does he get his hair like that? What products does he use? His perfectly coiffed, wavy mane is a glorious triumph of expert styling and stays immaculate even during the heat of battle.
Perhaps Astarion’s former master, Cazador, was employing someone to doll up his spawn, but if that’s the case, it should’ve fallen apart well into the player’s adventure. Unless someone at the Emerald Grove was selling a month’s supply of coconut oil and pomade, we’ve got a flawlessly tussled plot hole on our hands.
#2 — Why Doesn’t Wyll Enjoy Being Treated like a Dog by a Sexy Demon Lady?
Is he stupid? Wyll may be a bit of a playboy, but even he should be able to tell when he’s got a good thing going. His warlock patron, Mizora, refers to him in canine terms: she talks down to him, rewards him for obedience, punishes him for going astray, and even gets physically rough with him at times.
For the righteous, altruistic Wyll, this is a major point of conflict, which makes absolutely no sense at all. Wyll is living a fantasy that most of us can only dream of, and to top it all off, he even gets magic warlock powers out of the deal. Yet, despite having a perfect-ten sugar mommy granting him everything he could ever ask for, Wyll is constantly at odds with Mizora. Goddamn, if you’re unhappy, Wyll, we’d be glad to take your place. Do devils have Instagram?
#3 — Why Is Gale Shredded?
What is he lifting? Books? Come on. The quintessential nerd wizard has a glistening physique chiseled by the gods, and frankly, we won’t stand for it. With a measly 8 strength, Gale should be skinnyfat with soft, uncalloused skin. Instead, he looks like a rugged mountain man surviving exclusively on flame-broiled venison. Maybe this body is just a long-term side effect of chugging health potions because you have 11 AC.
#4 — Why Does Shadowheart Calls Astarion a “Pasty Ghoul” When She Is Also White?
If you play as Astarion and get caught feeding on Shadowheart, she calls him a “pasty ghoul,” a scathing insult that surely felt worse than a stake to the heart. There’s just one problem: our resident goth girlfriend is barely a shade darker than a literal vampire. You know what they say about glass houses, but Shadowheart clearly doesn’t live in one, or else she’d be getting more sunlight.
#5 — Why Are There Romance Options Aside from Karlach?
Talk about bad writing! Why did Larian waste so much time developing secondary romance options when Karlach was already in the game? Did they seriously not notice she was there, or did they genuinely think she could be outclassed by an alien with a tiny nose? According to Larian, Karlach is only the second most popular romance choice, which means the studio’s incompetence has caused the majority of players to stumble onto inferior lovers, namely: anyone who isn’t a seven-foot flaming beefling.
#6 — How Did Shadowheart Think Those Bangs Were a Good Idea?
Yes, there is more than one hair-related plot hole. While Shadowheart’s hairstyle gets an upgrade in Act 3, she starts the game with the choppy, uneven bangs of a teenage bowl cut. The bangs should reasonably cover her circlet, but luckily, it magically sticks out from underneath like an anime girl’s eyes. We have to assume the Mother Superior chose this cut, but even she ought to know better. Shadowheart looks like she has a My Chemical Romance poster over her bed, but then again, maybe that’s perfectly in character.
#7 — Why Is Everyone British?
Gods save the queen! Someone needs to help us out with this one, because we’re totally lost. Why does almost every character talk British instead of normal? What, Larian didn’t have the budget for real voice actors like Chris Pratt? Even the subtitles spell words incorrectly, featuring such outlandish errors as “colour” and “fantasise.” This particular plot hole is about as lazy as it gets—all we want is a little proofreading, please!
#8 — Why Can’t I Beat Honor Mode?
Honor mode (or “honour,” according to the game) is the newest, most challenging difficulty in Baldur’s Gate 3 and for some reason I’m unable to beat it. There’s no way this is my fault. As a veteran gamer with hundreds of hours in BG3, I should be able to make this mode my bitch. Instead, I keep losing to the harpies on the beach. Hopefully, this gets fixed in a future patch. Until then, mark down another fat, gaping plot hole!
Baldur’s Gate 3 is a triumph of story-focused games, but Larian really needs to address these glaring problems. Of course, this will have to involve deleting every companion besides Karlach.
WHITERUN, SKYRIM – After years of sitting in his throne the way he does, it seems Jarl Balgruuf has done some serious damage to his spine. His personal chiropractor has warned that continuing to sit like this could permanently affect his back.
“I’ve tried to warn the Jarl that sitting like that everyday is quite bad for him, but he always just waves me off and claims it’s nothing to worry about. He should really take his health more seriously,” said his Chiropractor, Dr. Bal-Noos.
“What’s worse is that he seems to have developed a trend and now it seems many other jarls across Skyrim seem to have been copying the way he sits.”
According to the doctor’s report, sitting in such a way could cause the spine to lock into place and keep the Jarl’s back stuck like that all of the time, even when he stands or lies down.
“Bal-Noos is a fool. Sitting like this is comfortable and it’s how I naturally sit down! Besides, I’ve got much more pressing matters to attend to. With the war going on I have to be ready to act at a moment’s notice to protect my city,” said Balgruuf.
“There’s also rumors of dragons returning to Skyrim, if you believe it. If I were to change my posture into a more rigid position people might suggest I was scared of these dragons, and I can’t have that.”
Rumors of Doctor Bal-Noos’s diagnosis have reached the town guards of Whiterun who have expressed a similar blasé attitude towards it.
“I don’t understand why all this matters so much,” said one of the guards in town. “Jarl Balgruuf exudes a sort of laissez faire confidence from the way he sits on his throne. How bad could sitting in a casual yet authoritative way be for one’s back?
“I wish I had the courage to sit like that. Unfortunately ever since my knee injury it makes it really hard for me to bend my leg in that way.”
The doctor’s report concludes by admitting that although it is terrible for the jarl’s back, it does look pretty cool.
Let’s Play Youtuber JimboJameplay released a new video on his Youtube channel voicing his disappointment that nobody actually pays any attention to his videos and just leaves them on in the background, viewers confirmed.
“I just don’t understand. I pour my heart and soul into these videos, and my engagement is next to none,” said Jimbo in his announcement. “My newest video, ‘Dark Souls 3 Episode 465: I may not be very good at this game’, only got a few thousand views.
“All of the comments were about how soothing my voice is when I get mad. Nothing about the commentary, nothing about the gameplay; it’s as if they didn’t watch it at all!”
Jimbo may be right; we interviewed a few of his loyal subscribers, and they had not, in fact, watched it at all.
“I love you Jimbo, but I just don’t have the time anymore. The video was just you dying to Crystal Sage for 40 minutes before giving up,” explains subscriber Flight370.
“I had you on while doing homework so I didn’t really pay attention to what you were saying. I just needed SOMEONE in the background to forget how cripplingly alone I am.”
YouTube “Historians” claim this may also be due to the rise of highlight videos in favor of let’s plays.
“Let’s playing, like glassblowing, is a dying art; there is absolutely no reason to do it. None. It’s so much more engaging when all the boring stuff is edited out of the video,” says YouTuber WombatWanker.
“It’s like watching a pre-recorded stream, you can’t talk or interact at all! Maybe if Jimbo was streaming instead it wouldn’t have taken him so long to learn his videos are boring and lame! Nobody wants to sit through that!”
The top comments on JimboJameplay’s newest video are just fans thanking him for giving them something to fall asleep to.
Hollywood — Every night at the dark corner of the famous Rainbow Bar & Grill sits a shadow of a man crying into his empty pint, local sources report. Duke Nuke ‘em, former legend, can often be heard sobbing over a shockingly small amount of empty beer glasses.
Steve Daniels, the bartender of the famous rock n roll bar, is concerned about Duke’s decaying mental state.
“Everyday he comes in and he is all like ‘I’m gonna kickass and drink beer, but I’m all out of beer!’ Then after like 3 beers he starts bawling and freaking out all the other customers,” Daniels said. “I try to say ‘maybe you should take it easy Duke, go home, get some rest’ but he is kinda this big muscular guy and he had his devastator with him so what the hell can I do.”
Smackhead Jake, a local patron, said Duke can still be a good time when he’s in the right mood, but that is less often nowadays.
“I like it when Duke is in that uplifting manic mood. It cheers me up too. He is like this god-like character who makes everybody better around him,” Jake said with admiration. “But you know that state never lasts very long. Alas, after the third beer he just started crying helplessly how he never got the comeback he deserved and how he can’t say anything anymore. I really feel sad for him. He is the Duke afterall.”
Duke was hard to reach, but answered a ninth phone call to his tiny studio apartment.
“I never cried. That is just bullshit. The king never cries. I was just sweating from the sheer excitement of getting back to killing aliens,” Duke said. “Randy Pitchford sent me a message on Monday and asked me to come to their offices for a meeting. That can mean only one thing right? The Duke is fucking back! Damn I’m looking good!”
At press time Gearbox Software announced today that they are finally retiring the Duke Nukem series. “It’s just not worth it anymore. Times have changed. We have better games to do,” wrote Randy Pitchford in a tweet.
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Wrestling fans who submit negative reviews of AEW Fight Forever might be in for a shock as AEW star Bryan Danielson has started to hand out fines to all negative reviewers, sources confirmed.
Danielson has reportedly acquired some backstage power thanks to his status and the respect he commands in the business. Part of that power has been to fine wrestlers who do things they shouldn’t such as throw tantrums on social media, swear on TV, or beat up their coworkers for real.
Well, now he’s set his sights on gamers who negatively review Fight Forever.
“I don’t play video games because it’s bad for the environment so I could care less about whether the game is good or not,” said Danielson. “But Tony Khan said I could fine whoever I want if I feel they deserved it and I love handing out fines, it brings me joy, the look on people’s faces when they realize what’s happening fills me with glee.”
“You can only get that look from your coworkers so many times but when fans open their door to see you and then the way their face drops when you just give them a fine and then leave. Pure magic.”
AEW CEO Tony Khan was defensive over permitting Bryan to fine fans.
“I’m not gonna stand and take this. That game cost money, it might not look like it but it did. I need to recoup those funds, coke ain’t cheap.”
Gamers are not happy about being fined for their reviewers. One such gamer, Manny Macho, gave us his thoughts.
“It’s not fair, I was excited for the game. I’ve been looking for a game to give me the same feeling as No Mercy for over twenty years and I thought this was it. Now just because they failed I get fined. Well, they just lost a fan, I can assure you I will not be watching AEW ever again until next Wednesday’s Dynamite.”
Wrestling legend Hulk Hogan claims he was also fined.
“Well let me tell you something brother! This Danielson dude hands me a fine brother and says it’s for the negative game review brother. But brother I never left a game reviewer brother. I haven’t played video games since I wrestled Seth Rollins in front of Pablo Escobar, brother. 250,000 in seats in japan, brother.”
As of press time, Danielson is deciding how much to fine Manny Macho for speaking out against his previous fine.
SAN FRANCISCO – Moviegoers were faced with a harrowing scene at a screening of the recently announced ‘Death Stranding’ movie as patrons were forced to use ladders left behind by previous viewers to get into the theater.
“I was excited to see how Kojima would branch into making films, away from his usual wheelhouse of making films in video games,” said fan Shane Harrison. “But my heart sank when the usher told me the theater was on the third floor – then he handed me a ton of stuff to carry.”
Fortunately for Shane and other viewers, a previous attendee had left a ladder on the ground floor that led directly to a balcony on the third floor of the lobby atrium, reports confirmed.
“The ladder was a real lifesaver,” said Thomas Geary, 42, who used it to get to his seat. “Escalator was done and I almost gave up any hope of reaching the screening without a direct route to the theater. I also kept tripping and dropping all my popcorn all over the place.”
When questioned about the possibility of using the stairs, Shane dismissed the notion, stating that the steep terrain would have made it difficult for him to keep his balance.
At press time many viewers complained their movie-going experience was ruined by an unusually large amount of crying babies in the theater.
Are you once again questioning why you were put on this earth? Do you sit and ponder what the meaning of life is? Maybe you’re just questioning the logic of a societal model that forces us to follow a structure of living that leads us to waste most of our lives doing something we hate in the pursuit of an ideal that never existed and then we die?
Don’t worry I have you covered. You’re having another existential crisis. Well, I’m a writer, which means my whole life is an existential crisis so I have the expertise to help you through it. You may be wondering what kind of life-affirming activity can add purpose to your life, or what kind of meditations to do to discover enlightenment. I’m here to tell you there is none, those don’t exist, there are only video games.
That’s right, the only thing that’ll help you now is to accept there is no greater purpose and play some video games. Searching for meaning is a fool’s errand but you can play video games and they’ll help you feel better about the fact that there is no great meaning to our existence. You’ll never find the answer to the eternal question but you can play Doom Eternal.
Doom Eternal
You might never be able to find a fulfilling reason for your own existence but with Doom Eternal you will be able to rip and tear until it is done. Life’s purpose is meaningless in the face of a demonic invasion, just as your shotgun and get those glory kills. It doesn’t matter why you were put on this Earth because Doom Guy was created to slay demons while heavy metal plays and he needs your help to do it. And truth be told, once you’re in the rhythm of Doom Eternal’s demon slaying combat, you won’t even remember you were having an existential crisis to begin with.
Mass Effect
Are you questioning your purpose? Feeling down about the nature of human existence? Just play through the Mass Effect trilogy. Even Andromeda if you’re feeling a little masochistic. You’ll be transported out of your malaise and into an epic and hopeful sci-world. Humanity has advanced, we’re part of galactic interspecies relations now. That means that you can sleep with hot aliens. Life’s problems disappear when you sleep with hot aliens. You also go on adventures to save the galaxy from an omnipresent destructive threat. Few things will help put things into perspective more than the saga of Commander Shepard. And did I mention you can sleep with hot aliens cause you can.
Fortnite
Existentialism is meaningless when you can kill Mr. Beast with a rocket launcher while playing as buff Peter Griffin and then dance on his corpse while Goku and Rick Sanchez play guitar behind you.
The Legend of Zelda
Any Zelda game will do. They’re all epic adventures that will suck you in from beginning to end. Okay, maybe not the CDI ones…or the DS ones, and Twilight Princess will suck you in but not until like 4 hours in. The point is that these are epic and grand adventures and playing through them is sure to keep your mind off the fact that you haven’t found your purpose in life. Traveling across Hyrule, battling enemies, solving puzzles, defeating epic bosses, and proving you have courage, power, and wisdom are some of the best gaming experiences you’ll ever have. So what if life might be meaningless, Link’s life isn’t, and if you play Breath of the Wild or Tears of the Kingdom, you won’t have a life anymore anyway. So if life is getting you like a pissed off cucco, just play some Zelda.
Walking Simulator
This is a really calm game that will let you collect your thoughts. It’s called Going for a Walk. To play you leave your house and go for a walk. It’s pretty chill, you can listen to music or a podcast while you play, the threat of death is minimal but still ever present so it’s not completely without stakes and it’s almost as good for your well being as Ring Fit Adventure. Seriously, it’s great, you should try it. And if you want an extra challenge you can attempt the touching grass mini-game, most gamers fail that one but maybe you’ll be different.
Psychonauts
I’ve never taken drugs but the developers of Psychonauts sure have. Both games are 3D platformers where every level takes place inside someone’s mind. If you think there are messed up things going on in your head, Psychonauts is sure to give you some perspective because there are messed up things going on in everyone’s head. Sometimes that manifests as an existential crisis and sometimes it manifests as a meat circus, either way, everyone’s got problems buddy. Your current problem is you aren’t playing Psychonauts because really they are just delightful games. Solid, platforming, funny writing and Jack Black sings in one of them. If that doesn’t cheer you up I don’t think anything will.
Soulsbourne
The worst part of an existential crisis is the ever present dread of knowing one day you will die and eventually, your memory will fade to dust like an old Playstation franchise. But you can learn to accept death by playing a Soulsbourne game. Die, die, die, and die again as you attempt to overcome the grueling challenge of n̶o̶t̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶l̶d̶ Malenia. You’ll be too immersed in the macabre worlds filled with death and failure to care about not having a purpose in life. These games will give you a purpose and that purpose is to kill the bastard enemy that killed you and get your damn souls back. By the end of it, you still won’t know the meaning of life or why you exist but at least you can brag to your scrub friends that you got good and in the end isn’t that what really matters most?
Bear & Breakfast
You know who never has an existential crisis? Hank the Bear. Hank is too busy ensuring his guests have the absolute best experience possible. Like a less high strung Mr. Moseby who is a bear. There’s simply no time to contemplate the nature of existence when you’re catering to the whims of guests and their incessant demands to ensure your hospitality business remains profitable. The loop of collecting items to use to craft things that will improve your establishment is the thing every small business owning bear dreams of and now it can be yours too.
PowerWash Simulator
Power washing things is fun. The sound of the blast of water as it hits the surface, the way the dirt and grime dissipate to make way for the shiny and clean object underneath, the satisfaction of slowly clearing every section. It’s therapeutic and downright sexual in how satisfying it is. You have no problems, you have no purpose, you only have only a power washer and various, dirty, filthy, naughty surfaces that need to be cleaned.
Lego Games
I don’t care how old you are, what gender you are, or what race you are. Everyone loves Lego games. More importantly however, everyone loves the sound effect when you collect studs in Lego games. It might be the greatest sound of all time. Good luck having an existential crisis while you listen to the beautiful clink of that stud collecting sound. Once you hear that sound, you’ll be so moved by its beauty, so compelled to collect more studs that everything will finally become clear. The meaning of life is to collect Lego studs, to hear that wondrous, scrumptious sound, and to buy all the characters in the game. After all, what’s a Batman game if you can’t play as Gotham Cop #3.
Just Stare at Your Game Catalog
Dread it, run from it, your backlog arrives just the same. Look at it, look at all those games you own but haven’t played yet. Look at the aftermath of dozens of Steam Sales and Black Fridays. So many games, and so little time. Surely one of those unplanned games will help you as you try to reconcile with the fact that you’re drifting aimlessly through the cosmos until granted the sweet release of death. But which one? Just state at them, hoping one will jump out at you even though much like your purpose in life, it never will. Don’t give up though, John Cena wouldn’t. Just keep staring, hoping beyond hope you’ll be able to pick one to play and cross it off your ever-growing backlog. Hoping that this futile effort to take your mind off your life’s lack of meaning won’t be an exact mirror of the very crisis you’re hoping to sweep under the rug. Will you run out of sweet precious time before you discover your purpose in life, will you run out of time before you pick something to play? What’s that, another game you’ve been mildly interested in is now $5 off, better go buy that instead.
Skyrim
I know you’ve played Skyrim five times already, we all have. But there’s a reason it’s available on every device with a motherboard. Skyrim is the world you want to be in. Not this hellscape that we call Earth. You don’t want to be worried about the cost of living, employment status, or inflation. You want to join the Thieves Guild and be a stealth archer. You want to prove that it is possible to take an arrow to the knee and still continue being an adventurer. You want to climb a mountain by endlessly hopping up surfaces you weren’t made to hop on. Maybe one day you’ll get to saving the world by defeating the evil dragons but until then there are hundreds of side quests to complete.
Any 3D Sonic
3D Sonic games range from pretty awful to pretty awesome and no one in the Sonic fandom can agree which is which. What everyone can agree on is no matter what Sonic game you play, you’ll be treated to the most butt-rocking butt-rock soundtrack you’ve ever heard. Now I’m no therapist but I know that good butt rock solves everything. You don’t even have to play the games really, although you should, just go listen to Escape From the City on repeat and it will make you realize life doesn’t need a purpose when Sonic butt rock exists.
Watch The Nice Guys
I don’t care this is supposed to be a list of video games, go watch it. I will not rest until everyone on earth watches The Nice Guys and you won’t either once you watch it. Go watch it. Finish this list first but go watch it. Actually, go watch it first then come back to the list so that counts as more site traffic.
FFXIV
Have you considered that the meaning of life is to play the critically acclaimed MMORPG Final Fantasy XIV which has an expanded free trial that you can play through the entirety of A Realm Reborn and the award-winning HEAVENSWARD and STORMBLOOD expansions up to level 70 for free with no restrictions on playtime! Soon to also be available on Xbox Series X & S!
Grand Theft Auto
What better way to cull an existential crisis than by playing a game about the awfulness of the exploitative capitalist social culture that led you to have one in the first place. Take a nice vacation to Los Santos or Vice City or Liberty City and wind down by doing some crimes. Drive through red lights, park next to fire hydrants, dare I even say, jaywalking. Really stick it to the man, show them you won’t abide by their ridiculous rules. Don’t kill any NPCs though because that’s totally not cool and a lame thing to do. Commit financial crimes instead because there’s nothing morally wrong with those.
Any Ubisoft Open World Game
Explore vast and beautiful worlds with fun gameplay and more activities than there are seconds in a day. Checking activities off your map is now your only purpose in life. Clear out enemy camps, climb a tall thing to unlock more of the map, go hunting, do some crafting, and find a collectible. Look there’s a reason Ubisoft still makes all their open-world games this way and there’s a reason everyone else copied them for so long. They’re fun. They’re exhausting sure but there’s an undeniable way that clearing a Ubisoft map scratches your brain. You’re eyes will be bleeding by the time you’re done and you won’t beat the main story until you’re on your death bed but you’ll have had fun.
Balan Wonderworld
Sometimes The best way to gain some perspective is to play something really really truly terrible. So go on ahead and play Balan Wonderworld. After all, if this could get made, there’s no reason you can’t realize your dream. Turns out the bar isn’t that high so go out and achieve.
Life is Strange
Maybe all you need is a good cry.
That One Game You Loved As a Kid
You know the one. The one you played the most as a kid. The one that made you fall in love with gaming. The one that started your slow downward spiral into video game addiction that led you to be completely unhappy and unfilled in your life. The one that’s better than all the modern games but they refuse to remake or remaster. The one that will fill you with temporary happiness as it transports you back to your age of innocence. All your current problems wash away like the grime in PowerWash Simulator as the game from your childhood represents the last time in your life you were truly happy so playing it now makes you feel good. Go play that.
Cyberpunk 2077
There are a lot of games on this list but perhaps the one game you really need to play whilst having an existential crisis is the one where the protagonist is also reckoning with their life in the face of an ever-ticking clock to death. Much has been said of the game launching in a state more broken than the American democracy but that time has passed. The bugs are fixed and it is legitimately an incredible RPG experience. If you want to tangle with life’s meaning and what you do with your limited time on this plane of existence, do it in Night City. Shoot bad guys as the techno soundtrack makes you feel like John Wick while the actual John Wick lives in your head and fills you with bad ideas. Explore the streets of a city that’s every capitalist’s wet dream and everyone else’s flaccid nightmare. Certify your legend by going out in a blaze of glory with both middle fingers raised to the ones who tried to tell you what you could be. Or just romance Judy.
Therapy
Seriously go to therapy. Even if you’re not having an existential crisis you’re probably here because you’re a gamer and all gamers need therapy.
Snow only comes around once a year in GTA Online, but even that can be annoying for a lot of players who just want to drive around Los Santos without sliding all over the place, or being blinded by the whiteout. Here’s a guide on how to get rid of snow in GTA Online in your Freeroam lobby, in just a few minutes every time.
How To Turn Off Snow In GTA Online
Starting from any lobby, go to:
The Pause Menu
Right one tab to Online
Down to Jobs
Down to Play Job
Down to Rockstar Created (not to be confused for Rockstar Verified)
Down to Races
Right to Cayo Perico – Bike & Subscribe
Start the race solo with the default settings
Leave the pre-start settings of the race (vehicle selection etc.) default as well
Note that any of the Cayo Perico races will work, because of the nature of the Cayo Perico session that will be created–it does not snow in Cayo Perico, just Los Santos.
Once you load back in to a Los Santos lobby, the snow both on the ground and the weather effect in general will be gone. You can still pick up the invisible snow and pack it in to a snowball to throw at players and pedestrians. The visual effect is solely for you, and everyone else that hasn’t done the glitch will still have snow on their screens, despite being in the same lobby. All the Christmas decorations and props will still be visible to you though.
Do not swap sessions in any way, or it will cancel the glitch. If it takes you up into the clouds, that counts as a swap: Find New Session, Join Session, Join Job, Accept Invite, etc.
Just follow all the steps again to make the snow glitch start over.
The snow is expected to go away in GTA Online on Thursday, January 4, 2024. While an actual official announcement has not been made, Thursdays are when the weekly reset always happens, and would be the most efficient time for the snow to stop in GTA Online.
OLMSTED FALLS, OHIO – Four days after unwrapping it on Christmas morning, former resident Denise Svetlik has already misplaced a $25 gift card to Carrabba’s Italian Grill.
“It was right here,” she said, gesturing to a corner of her parents’ coffee table now occupied by another gift, an “Autumn Sheets” scented candle from her mother Margaret. “I took it out of my stocking so it wouldn’t scratch the soaps and I know I put it right there.”
“Well it didn’t grow legs and walk away, honey,” said Margaret Svetlik as she packed away the remaining 101 Dalmatians ornaments and showed this reporter her favorite of the litter – a pup playing the French horn. “Remember when McDonald’s had these? I’ll get ‘em all some day.” She has owned eleven since 1996.
With a Spirit Airlines flight back to Houston looming, Denise had little time for seeing spots. She even woke up early this morning to pack the rest of her gifts, one being an oversized mug that read “I Don’t Need a Man I Just Need My Coffee”
After making sure all of her items would fit comfortably in her checked luggage, she was sure it would turn up. Once she noticed the gift card was not among the spoils, Denise feared the worst.
“Look, the only time I even eat at Carrabba’s is when I’m home, and they insist on paying anyway. I mean I like it, it’s fine. The Tuscan-Grilled Chicken is- it’s all fine. I’ve told each of them that I’d prefer, like, a plain, Visa gift card.” she said in her childhood bedroom, far from mom, dad, and the muffled sounds of Pluto TV’s Blue Bloods channel. “But if I can’t find this stupid card, I’m gonna hear about it all year and I’m not getting any more money until the funeral.”
Denise left no stone unturned. She had combed the living room, her bedroom, the dining room, the ill-defined backroom where her father spent most of the holidays, and even the kitchen garbage can.
“Would you look at how much that girl loves Carrabba’s? You’d swear lasagna was going out of style,” said Margaret, watching her daughter sift through discarded bills over an afternoon glass of Arbor Mist White Zinfandel. Covering her mouth with the back of her hand, she even offered a scoop: “Maybe next year we’ll spring for the $50.”
On the way to Hopkins International Airport, Denise dug through her purse one last time. To her amazement, she did find a Carrabba’s gift card, but closer inspection revealed it was two Christmases old and now worth $13 due to inactivity fees.
Denise’s father, Jim Svetlik, could not be reached for comment despite sitting on the couch the entire time.
TULSA, OKLAHOMA — In unfortunate news, local gamer Paul White, 27, has revealed that his least racist Call of Duty squadmate Garrett Rolland, 29, is objectively bad at the game.
“He’s a great guy for sure,” said White. “But the man is horrible at Call of Duty. Seriously. I didn’t know it was possible for someone with both hands to suck so bad at a video game. He can’t aim for shit, his callouts make zero sense, and he’s always the first one down.”
It seems White isn’t the only one of Rolland’s squadmates upset at his performance. His other squadmate, Kamal Asad, 30, had words as well.
“Garrett sucks for sure, at least at Call of Duty. As a person I like him a lot. He’s never once made a racist comment or joke towards me. He treats me just like anyone else. But I can handle a little subconscious bias if it means we can get a victory from time to time. I don’t love Paul constantly doing the Apu from Simpsons voice at me, but at least he gets kills. Garrett gets no kills. Non-problematic? Yeah. Non-skilled? Also yeah.”
We reached out to Garrett Rolland for his thoughts on his squadmates and his performance in Call of Duty.
“I love my friends, I’ve known them since middle school,” said Garrett. “But I wish they weren’t so toxic. There’s Paul with his Apu impression, but don’t even get me started on Daryl. I have to just put my controller down for a second and explain to them why those jokes are harmful, and before you know it BAM! I’ve been sniped in the head. I don’t even have a chance to shoot back or anything.”
Hard Drive also reached out to Garrett’s other teammate, Daryl Richards, who goes by PSN tag TRUMPLVR39483. Daryl, however, refused to comment, citing a distrust of the “fake-news woke liberal media.”
“Daryl didn’t game with us on January 6th, 2021,” said Kamal. “Whatever he was doing that day, I don’t make any judgements or assumptions. Anyways he’s easily our best player. Thinks the whole world is run by lizards who want us to eat bugs. Great callouts.”
This tragic news is in keeping with anecdotal evidence that suggests a positive correlation between offensive behavior and obsession with Call of Duty. Though evidence is plentiful, formal studies have yet to be conducted.
Stay Updated on The Latest Punk News
Get the latest punk news delivered straight to your inbox
Starting from any lobby, go to:
Once you load back in to a Los Santos lobby, the snow both on the ground and the weather effect in general will be gone. You can still pick up the invisible snow and pack it in to a snowball to throw at players and pedestrians. The visual effect is solely for you, and everyone else that hasn’t done the glitch will still have snow on their screens, despite being in the same lobby. All the Christmas decorations and props will still be visible to you though.
