Trump Announces Tariffs Against Wherever Pikmin Are From
WASHINGTON — In an Oval Office address, President Trump has announced sweeping new tariffs against the Pikmin homeworld. “For decades…
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Max Barth
12 stories found
Easter Egg in Home Movie Hints at Wider Traumatic Universe
TUCSON, Ariz. — Details in newly unearthed home videos seem to imply a larger, shared traumatic universe within the Pappas…
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Billionaire Goes Undercover as Homeless Person to Prove You Can Still Be a Weird Asshole Even With No Assets
NEW YORK — Local billionaire Morgan Theodore has confirmed he has undertaken a “poverty challenge” to prove that his inherited…
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Occam’s Razor Twice as Powerful When Equipped With Occam’s Buckler and Amulet
Gary of Occam, the present-day heir to the Occam estate, bearer of the Razor and part-time Marvel vlogger, was delighted…
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USB Desk Fan Perfectly Cools USB Port Used To Power It
NEW YORK — A USB-powered desk fan recently purchased by office worker Alejandro Peña is perfectly cooling the USB port…
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Finance Bro Launches Hostile Takeover of Conversation
NEW YORK — Local finance bro Derrick Bland today initiated a hostile takeover of the casual conversation he overheard at…
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Elon Musk Adds Edit Button to Twitter Employee Contracts
SAN FRANCISCO — Shortly after stopping all rent payments on Twitter’s office space, Elon Musk has reportedly greenlit a new…
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Dynasty Warriors Movie Casts First 4,000 People
LOS ANGELES — Following an internal announcement that the casting department had reached the important milestone sooner than expected, sources…
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‘Tony Hawk’s Amateur Skater’ Lets You Fuck Up Your Wrist in a Way That Will Never Really Heal Right
SANTA MONICA, Calif. — Activision has released Tony Hawk’s Amateur Skater, a new skateboarding video game that allows players to…
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Neurotic AI Becomes Too Self Aware
WASHINGTON — In a potentially groundbreaking development, an artificial intelligence developed by the Department of Defense has reportedly become “too…
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