INTERNET – Controversy arose as the recently released sequel to a popular video game forced gamers to play as a new female main character, with the male protagonist of the original title reduced to a supporting role, gamers yelling at full volume into their web cameras confirmed.
“It’s just an insult to the fans,” said Dudley White, a local gamer who has regularly played the original game since its release. “We’re the ones who made this game the success that it is. I played it, all my friends played it, but I don’t know any women who played it. None of my friends did either. We couldn’t think of a single woman who did. Zero.”
According to early reviews, the game features the newly introduced female protagonist battling an army of the undead with the same level of skill as her male predecessor. The star of the original game only appears in cutscenes as the female protagonist’s love interest. The story concludes with the two of them having a child together.
“It’s clear that video games aren’t allowed to just be fun anymore,” complained video creator Christian Lang into his camera. “They have to be about pushing a political agenda. You see, the game keeps going after they have a baby. The woman’s out fighting ghosts, ‘Whoo, girl power! Gender equality!’ Where’s the man? You know, the one gamers actually want to play as? He’s not in the game, so he must be at home like a beta – that’s what they want us to become. And if you don’t like it, they decide you’re the problem! They’re openly mocking us.”
Despite the fans’ concerns, marketing for the sequel insists it’s a respectful continuation of its original, retaining its fast-paced gameplay while improving on its level design, enemies, and the challenge of its optional objectives. However, many gamers remain unconvinced.
“I don’t care how much better they say it is, they won’t get one more quarter from me,” said White as he cleared another level of the original game. “You want to kick me out of my own hobby, that’s what you get. Can’t even imagine what the third game will be. They’ll probably make her some CEO like that’s realistic.”
“It just feels like it’s all downhill from here,” he concluded, as the protagonist died on the screen. “I wish video games were still like they were in the old days, you know?”
ALHAMBRA, Calif. — Fans of the highly anticipated Assassin’s Creed: Peace and Love, which takes place during the 1970s American sexual revolution, lined up outside of their local GameStop today reportedly unaware the value of their game will significantly drop as soon as they drive it off the lot.
“I’m hoping this sucker will sell out, so I can binge it for 600 hours, plus the 10 hours of day-one DLCs, and then flip it,” said the visibly unshowered Leo Schwarmin.
Despite the fast-falling value of new games, physical copies are still favored by many gamers who want a certain level of ownership, tradeability, and protection from losing access in the future.
“Sure, I can get a refund on Steam after two hours of play,” said Clara Bronkowski of Highland Park. “But I enjoy holding onto the physical copies and watching them decline in value rapidly as I consider that one day I could complete my first-ever trade or sale outside of whatever GameStop offers me.”
According to researchers, video games depreciate in value by as much as 70% as soon as it’s off the lot, with an additional 5% every day after that. The value only rises after it’s re-released on a retro mini-console.
“I actually brought eight used games to GameStop to trade in and, for whatever reason, I ended up owing them money,” stated Aristotle “Big Saw” Gibs of Pasadena. “Said they were lemons. I do not understand the logic. But I still gave them the $10, in addition to the full price of the Call of Duty: Modern Warfare (second reboot) Ultimate Edition. It has the hospital bombing DLC.”
When reached for comment, GameStop only mentioned that they are giving a 5% extra trade-in credit on pre-order purchases for a game that releases five years from now.
As Dead by Daylight has gone through its various updates, killers often become harder or easier to face with time. The Onryo is an extremely tricky one to outplay, with an infamous ability to kill survivors after building up her stacks of condemned without even needing to hook them once. So while I list out some strategies to help mitigate this ability of her’s, I’ll play a few games of my own to further explore the ins and outs of this killer– Oh my god I’m already condemned.
Pick Up a Tape as Soon as the Game Begins
In our last match, a fatal mistake we made was that we didn’t pick up a VHS tape as fast as possible. Acquiring a tape and holding onto it prevents players from gaining condemned stacks when the killer teleports around the map. So now that we’ve prevented her from condemning us, we should be safe–
Wait, never mind. She’s chasing us. And injuring someone with a tape causes them to automatically gain 2 out of 7 stacks? And now that we lost our tape, she’s using her power to resume stacking on us once more. So in the end, we didn’t make any progress… Okay, she’s killing us again. Let’s load up the next match and try something new.
Ignore the VHS Tapes Until Absolutely Necessary
If you simply ignore the VHS tapes until you are near condemned, it gives you more time to work on objectives. Ignoring killer powers should be a more viable strategy for all killers, in all honesty. If one could simply say ‘no thanks’ to a Skull Merchant’s drones, the world would be that much closer to healing. But in this case, the Onryo is left that much powerless.
The Onryo is something of a “bully killer.” She will push you around, have you fearing each time you run around a corner or begin hearing that ominous screeching noise while she’s stealthed. But bullies only have as much power as you give them. Just push forward, focus on your objectives so you may escape unscathed.
Wait, never mind. She caught on to this strategy. Now she’s chasing us while spam teleporting along the way so that we can’t manage our condemned stacks ourselves. Okay, maybe this calls for the opposite strategy, if this one is working out so poorly.
Place VHS Tapes into TVs as Fast as Possible
So the moment one hits 3 stacks of condemned, they should go running for the VHS tapes. Returning them to a TV takes away exactly 3 of those stacks, so in theory, we should be able to keep pace with the Onryo, right? Well wrong, according to this nightmare of a game I’m trapped in right now.
All the TVs are on cooldown. Everyone in my lobby has the same idea. And the killer is teleporting around the map like she just set her ping to 1000+. If she isn’t hunting down players like rabid dogs and hitting them with a mori, she’s hooking them and making us more scared to touch generators than non-unionized technicians. But let’s just take a breather and think before we queue up for another game. If we think like an Onryo player, we can beat them at their own game.
We Can’t Beat Them
I’ve seen that stare so many times. You can try any angle, but it never works. If I don’t pick up a tape, I get condemned. If I do pick one up, I’m attacked and then the stacks come anyway. I can’t keep the stacks down long enough before the TVs are on cooldown. My friends are dead after witnessing the horrifying stare so many times, strangling their very being like an anaconda.
Everywhere you go on any map, she’s there. Waiting for you to show yourself, to make a single slip up. She’ll rip those VHS tapes from your sweaty hands and then humiliate you through a mori. It’s like she’s taunting us. A god, toying with her food. Letting us know just how much more powerful she is than us, and only when the dread sets in, she finally ends us.
We’re going back to the lab with this one. There isn’t a simple solution to this. We can’t just think like this is a game, we have to dig deep into the code. We have to run tests, consult experts. Maybe watch 45 minutes of Otzdarva guides before we feel brave enough to try again. But in the meantime, we give one more strategy a try.
Play Something Else
You know, I’ve been meaning to continue that Tactician run in Baldur’s Gate 3. About time I got back on it. There’s still a lot of new stuff I’m finding in this game, it’s pretty impressive. Did you know that if you sneak away with the Idol of Silvanas in Act 1, it gives your party a buff so long as you hold it? I just found that out. It’s really handy if you’re not already playing a druid.
At least I can take this game at my own relaxing pace. There’s also that backlog I’ve been meaning to chip away at. And oh, sweet, some games gifted for the holidays. This is nice. Why don’t I do this more often? I feel the color coming back to my skin, my brain being flooded with dopamine from treating myself the way I deserve to be. I have no earthly idea how people manage to play the same game for years on end like how I once did. I’m a new man, reborn with a new purpose.
Inevitably Return
I forgot the reason I took a break from Baldur’s Gate was because I was stuck on that final Act 2 boss fight and gave up for a while. So we’re back on Dead by Daylight. We’ll have to make our peace with Onryo. After all, there are dozens of other killers in the game, who my opinions vary on depending on who killed me last.
For now, my only advice against Onryo is to just commit to the previous strategies mentioned. Pick up those tapes, then place them into a TV once your stacks begin to make you frown just by looking at them. Once the stacks climb too high, and active TVs are too low, consult your favorite streamer and/or Fog Whisperer about which god is most efficient to pray to and more likely to give you a haste buff.
LOS ANGELES — On the heels of the cancellation of the critically-acclaimed queer pirate comedy Our Flag Means Death, streaming giant Max apologized to saddened fans for not canceling the show sooner.
“We want to thank the cast and crew of ‘Our Flag Means Death’ for all their hard work and dedication to creating two fantastic seasons of hilarious, groundbreaking programming,” Warner Bros. Discovery spokesperson Kyle Willshire said. “And to all the fans of the show and the LBGTQ+ representation it was beloved for, we’re sorry we didn’t cancel it while the second season was filming and shelve it forever.”
“It was a mistake. That’s not how we do things here at Max, but we kinda forgot about it,” Willshire added. “The holidays are a chaotic time around here, it won’t happen again.”
The show’s star, Rhys Darby, was disappointed with the ending but happy that Max acknowledged their mistake.
“To be honest, I’m pleased to find out we just slipped under their radar for whatever reason. When we wrapped the second season I wondered if all the love we’d gotten was a trick someone was playing on us, since I knew how much Max hates to keep anything around people actually like,” Darby said.
“It’s a real boost for our confidence,” Darby added. “All we’d ever hoped for in making this show is for it to be so beloved that the studio would make it impossible for anyone to see again.”
Fan of the show Oscar Ramirez, who identifies as non-binary, admitted they were sad about the cancellation, but happy that it was good enough to warrant it.
“It was refreshing and life-affirming to see someone like myself represented on screen, so I figured it wouldn’t last,” Ramirez said. “But to know it was so important to so many people like myself that Max felt the need to ax it after just two seasons warms my heart so much more.”
“They have a lot of stuff to cancel,” Ramirez added, “I can see how a show can slip through the cracks now and then.”
At press time, Warner Bros. Discovery CEO David Zaslav was deciding which episodes of “The Sopranos” to delete from the Max servers in honor of the show’s 25th anniversary.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 16.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adjective used to describe someone with fair or light-colored hair, often with a shade ranging from light yellow to golden.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“D”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“N”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“O”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“B”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 511 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Contrary to what people on the internet may say, there comes a day when all Hard Drive writers move out of their parent’s homes. I tend to keep all the video games that I get with me, both good and bad, but for one reason or another, some got left behind.
These are the Top 10 Games still at my parent’s house. Waiting for the day they might join their comrades in a much smaller apartment.
10. TimeSplitters
TimeSpliters 2 gets all the love, but the first game has a special place in my heart. Specifically, the Chinese (1970) level in Deathmatch mode versus bots. I poured hours into this game, but barely even glanced at any other part. It may not be the best game, but it sure did scratch that FPS itch.
9. Sega Saturn Bootleg Sampler II
This demo disk has it all: demos for Viruta On, Dayton CCE, Bug Too!, Three Dirty Dwarves, Baku Baku and videos for Mr. Bones, Sega Worldwide Soccer ‘97, Fighting Vipers, Virtua Cop 2, and Dark Savior. Not only that, it has some of the best menu screen music. I spent hours playing these demos and watching the videos, dreaming of when I would be able to play the full versions. Years went by, newer systems grabbed my attention, and now most of the games on this disk are way too expensive to buy.
8. Super Mario Land
One of the first video games I ever owned. As a child, beating Super Mario Land seemed like an impossible task. Hours were spent trying again and again to beat the World 2 boss. World 3 seemed like the pinnacle of difficulty and World 4 could only be reached by a stroke of luck. On a recent trip back home I beat the game in 40 minutes.
7. An Unopened Copy Of Shenmue II
So I’ve never actually played Shenmue II, but I have heard good things about it (sort of). Eitherway, it fits the criteria for this list. It’s still at my parent’s house and it’s an (apparently) good game. Maybe one day I’ll release it from its plastic wrapping, but until that day, it’ll remain a perfectly sealed good (or bad) game.
6. Kingdom Hearts
The ranking of Kingdom Hearts on this list is specifically for the version still at my parent’s house. It’s just a regular PS2 copy, but has something special about it: a 20+ hour save file where I never left Destiny Islands. Did I find the beach setting soothing? Maybe. Did I want to build an overpowered character to start with for subsequent playthroughs? Nope. Did I think it would be cool to beat Tidus and Wakka in one hit? Absolutely.
5. Jazz Jackrabbit 2
Before Epic Games became the creator of gaming chimera Fortnite, they were releasing cool and creative games. One of their best was Jazz Jackrabbit 2. A colorful and weird side scrolling platformer that plays like Sonic with guns. I doubt we’ll ever see another Jazz Jackrabbit game, but maybe we’ll get a Jazz Jackrabbit skin in Fornite and the chimera will continue to grow.
4. Three Dirty Dwarves
Eventually, playing the demo of Three Dirty Dwarves on the Sega Saturn Bootleg Sampler II wasn’t enough and the full version had to be acquired. It was one of the few games I was able to get off that disk before prices for retro games went crazy. What other game do you get to play as three dirty dwarves (duh) that use weapons such as bowling pins, baseballs, and a shotgun to defeat enemies such as an entire gym building being held up by the beefy legs of its members?
3. SSX Tricky
One of the first games I truly sank my teeth into and one that shaped my music tastes for the rest of my life. More importantly, it’s a game I utterly stomped my friend’s sibling in because they thought I couldn’t possibly be good at it since I was much younger. Little did they know I had gotten gold medals on every level with every character. “This is going to be very, very interesting” indeed.
2. A Bootleg Copy of Quake III: Arena
With a taste for fast paced FPS games already in my system from TimeSplitters, it was time to move on to the harder stuff. During an art class, I slide my backpack under the table to receive a freshly burnt disk with “Q3” written on it in sharpie. The bell rang and the deal was done. That night, by the glow of my PC, I loaded up Quake III: Team Arena and never looked back.
1. Age of Empires 2
The strategic gameplay, the deep technology tree, engaging campaigns, all things that made Age of Empires 2 the enduring classic. Not once did I bother with any of those. Maybe for a couple of hours, but the real way to play Age of Empires 2 was to load into quick play, put in cheat codes, and launch the largest army possible onto an unsuspecting computer opponent, or an army of Cobra Cars. It was the best game ever.
CRAZY CASTLE — A guest who was unsuccessfully trying to leave a local theme park noticed a sharp rise in concession prices, tired and hungry sources have confirmed.
“I was just trying to wrap up a fun day of riding roller coasters and thrill rides,” said Katie Rodger, who said she could have sworn her name used to be Guest 114. “I walked back towards where I had entered the park — or, at least, where I thought I had entered the park. I was sure the exit was around here somewhere, but I can’t seem to find it. I figured I would grab a burger and a drink to give me some extra energy while I was searching, but the prices have gone through the roof! Soda was a buck-fifty when I arrived at the park a few hours ago. Now, a single soda will set you back ten dollars! I sure hope it doesn’t rain, since umbrellas are now twenty bucks a pop.”
The owner of the park was forthcoming about this new pricing strategy.
“It’s an easy way to squeeze a few extra bucks out of these little guys,” said Clyde Dylan, a local tycoon who started developing the park by taking out low-interest loans two years ago. “You get them with the entry admission, sure, and they’ve got to pay to get on any of the rides, but then some of them just leave without buying any food. That’s practically picking my pocket. By bulldozing the path to the exit, I make sure that they stick around long enough to get hungry. And since they’ve got nowhere else to go, I can set the prices as high as I want. I just need to make sure that I have plenty of Cash Machines in the joint.”
Industry analyst Barbara Hartnell noted that Dylan’s practices will likely become industry standard.
“Amusement parks have always tried to extend guest stay times to be as long as possible,” said Hartnell. “Like casinos, they have long been designed to be disorienting and engineered to let traffic flow in circles, away from exits. Completely removing the ability to leave is the obvious next step. As for increasing prices, hey, that’s just reality. Everybody who goes to the Magic Kingdom understands that they’re going to have to dole out for the Disney tax.”
At press time, Rodger was seen paying seventeen dollars in order to use the restroom.
ST. LOUIS — Sources close to local gamer Chase Koeneke have confirmed that after seeing the game Astroneer hit a record low price during the latest steam sale, he has finally purchased the sandbox adventure game. Happy with the price he paid for the game, Koeneke announced his intention to almost certainly never play it.
“I have no plans to play Astroneer. In fact, I’ve watched several people play it and it really doesn’t seem like my kind of game. I think survival crafting games in general are pretty terrible,” Koeneke said. “But I am filled with a primal terror at the thought of not owning it because what if someday it’s no longer available to purchase, or I finally come around on survival crafting games?”
Some developers, after realizing the majority of games sold on Steam will never be played, have reportedly started producing games that are little more than an executable file that launches to a title screen, and no more. One such developer detailed their experiences with the matter on the condition of anonymity.
“Once I realized I could just put out something that barely met the definition of a ‘video game,’ I started making more money than I ever did working on a functional product. The decision was basically made for me. I’ve been putting out nothing but cheap garbage for years now, and no one has noticed,” the developer said. “You get the occasional refund request when some weirdo actually installs and launches the game, but so far the amount of people that have caught on to the scheme is negligible.”
When asked about the morality of this practice, the developer shared some thoughts on the state of the industry.
“I could do what I’m doing now, or I could break my back working on some huge AAA game. Either way when the thing comes out I’m getting death threats on Twitter. Either because I scammed people or because the DPS on their favorite gun went down by 2% in the latest patch. Happy with my choice.”
Dr. Bridget Stevens, a professor of sociology at Washington University in St. Louis has been studying the phenomena of purchased but unplayed games for several years after noticing her son’s Steam library.
“Many gamers consider themselves amateur cultural anthropologists. Or at least that’s what they tell themselves as they add more and more games fated to sit forgotten and unplayed to their Steam accounts.” Dr. Stevens said. “I ask them, in fifty years, who among you is going to look at their bloated collection of games and say ‘It’s finally time to play this game?” Dr Stevens said then added. “The answer is always the same, ‘Well, I might’. It’s maddening.”
At press time, Mr. Koeneke was seen adding multiple discounted games to his cart on the Nintendo eShop, and determining which unopened folder to add them to on his Switch.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Jan 15.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A noun that refers to a midday meal, typically eaten around noon.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“H”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“C”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“N”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“U”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 742 days straight! So here goes nothing:
HYRULE – Link finally agreed to sit down for a tell-all about his romances across Hyrule prior to the launch of his Audiobook titled “The Legend of Link: The True Story of the Hero of Time.” Below are some of the juiciest secrets from the book:
The book recalls his brief but intense fling with Malon of Lon Lon Ranch. After years of working the farm and blossoming into a young woman, she was getting tired of the doldrum of her day-to-day life. Then came our Hero, someone that she never thought she would see again. According to Link, it was quite the reunion that night.
“Tuh! Huuygh! Yeah!…. Doi! Huuuaaaaaaaaah! Guh-uh!” Even we were a bit hot under the tunic after hearing this. When asked if anything lasting would come out of it, Link sighed before sharing a sad acceptance. “Haaaup.” It seems that running away with Epona afterward was the exact kind of romantic gesture that he could never return from.
When we asked about the princess, we weren’t ready for what we heard next. Princess Ruto of the Zora had apparently fished for the Hero’s favor when she was first awakened as a sage. “Hup! Oouh-oh! Ah… Hiyaah!” he explained. The chamber of Sages sounds like quite a place to experience a spark of magic. Asked whether or not the other Sages were privy to this, he cleared his throat and simply stated “”Guh-huh!”
Link next went on to tell us about his visit to Gerudo Valley. It seems that there exists a streak of sadomasochism in the mysterious Gerudo tribe, known for consisting solely of women. His visit began with his capture and incarceration, though he recounts in the book he enjoyed his time.
“Hugh! Eyaaugh! Guh-huh! Guh-huh! Haah! Hup, hup, hup, hup.” I think we can all agree that would make even the strongest person’s heart counter pulse with excitement. In the end however, he wasn’t allowed to stay with the tribe. In his own words, “Haauygh, huyeah!”
At this point, we were desperate to hear about his relationship with Zelda. However, it seemed that all was not well in the paradise of the Triforce. “Cheugh! Hup! Haaugh! Hyaaagh!” stated the Hero. Shaken after that outburst, he was unable to continue with the topic.
It seems that some juicy details are being kept for the release of his audiobook. Is there something unrequited, or was the forbidden fruit not what he had hoped? We’ll leave you with a quick preview of the audiobook itself:
