HOKKAIDO — In a genre-defying power move, new shonen protagonist Yusuke D. Wakamura hates his fucking friend group and doesn’t even care if they live or die.
“No, I don’t ‘fight for my friends’, or any dumb shit like that,” clarified Wakamura. “I do what I want, when I want. Imma do me, basically. If anyone wants to tag along on the adventure, sure that’s chill, just don’t expect me to bail your ass out with a last minute power-up. You’re on your own, nakama.”
Members of the supporting cast were less than thrilled to have to team up with Wakamura on this adventure to save the world.
“One of our buddies got killed by the main villain at the end of the last story arc,” said Shibata Tsuyoshi, a bookwormish mage-like character. “We were all expecting that to trigger some kind of emotional response in Yusuke, seeing his friend die at the hand of the villain, letting him progress into his ultimate final form. But no, it just kinda bounced off of him completely. It was kind of alarming, actually.”
The story’s villain, known only by the word ‘Hate’, was also surprised by Wakamura’s response.
“I mean, this is a textbook case of a guy who’s going to take a heel turn into becoming a villain, I’m calling it right now,” said Hate. “Part of me thinks I should just talk to him and try to recruit him into my ranks, but he honestly gives me the creeps, he’s a total sociopath. Like I get it, I’m a bad guy, but at least most of the bad guys get along with each other, you know? This guy would probably narc on me for wanting to kill god the second he got a chance. I can’t risk that, fuck him.”
At press time, members of the traveling party left Wakamura at a rest stop and ditched him on the adventure altogether.
PARMA, Ohio ー A D&D Dungeon Master had his fingers crossed while staying silent during a tabletop RPG session on Saturday, hoping players would figure out a solution to his puzzle before realizing he’d forgotten to write one himself.
“To start off, I described this series of ancient rotating blocks,” explained Derek Gilfoyle, this session’s Dungeon Master. “Like giant tetrominoes, magically gyrating in some Lovecraftian Hellraiser puzzle cube. But I completely forgot to come up with a reason for why the blocks are there, or how the hell they’re related to opening the front door at the very beginning. Maybe one of them will just… figure it out for me?”
Frustrated and wrenching at the strands of his thinning hair, Gilfoyle painted a stressful vision of the encounter; his players on the other hand were enthralled.
“Derek’s a genius,” said Alyssa Carlo, one of the campaign’s players. “You could tell he put a lot of time and effort into designing this puzzle because it was filled with so many seemingly disparate parts. You had the rotating blocks, a door without a keyhole, a statue of a goblin milking a goat, and a god-like ethereal voice that kept telling us to ‘think outside the box.’ I don’t know what the solution is, but I do know it’s going to be so satisfying.”
Despite the sweat dripping from his forehead and his near cardiac arrest, Derek managed to hide behind his DM screen for four hours while the players wracked their brains.
“At one point the players arranged the mystical blocks into a gigantic goat-milking apparatus, then hooked the largest player up to it,” Gilfoyle recalled. “I was right about to tell them they had solved the puzzle just to prevent things from getting graphic or disturbing, but then the guy playing the rogue stopped everybody and said they had it all backwards. ‘The blocks should be arranged to form a goat, and we all have to dress and act like goblins to milk it.’ They were so into it, I didn’t have the heart to tell them I had absolutely no idea what was going on. Why did I agree to run this stupid campaign?”
At press time, none of the players in the campaign had picked up on the DM’s ennui in the slightest and had even committed him to running the game for the next six weeks.
KYOTO — Nintendo has broken the unfortunate news that the Elephant transformation of Mario that was to debut in this month’s Super Mario Bros. Wonder has sadly had his ivory tusks poached, sources confirm.
“Oh no, this is not what we wanted to happen at all,” said director Shiro Mouri in a video labeled as an ‘Emergency Nintendo Direct’ earlier today. “Somehow a play tester was able to leak a copy of the completed game online, and I’m still not exactly sure how this happened, but big game poachers have mercilessly stripped Elephant Mario of his two beautiful tusks. My boy, I can’t believe what those Americans did to him.”
Nintendo has reportedly decided to release the game as is, with Mario now appearing tuskless, a stark reminder of the violent incident and continued practice of illegal poaching.
“They took-a my tusks,” said Mario Mario, star of the upcoming Switch exclusive. “I have only spent a little bit of-a time as an elephant, but I have already been-a hunted by some of the sickest men on the planet. I can’t wait to get back home to the Mushroom Kingdom and eat-a some spaghetti. Maybe hold the meatballs.”
While most at Nintendo were heartbroken about the incident, some think it’s being overblown in the media.
“Oh, get over it, he’s not even a real elephant,” said an anonymous person we contacted online that was selling a set of “ULTRA RARE IVORY JOY CONS” on eBay. “It’s a kill-or-be-killed, dog-eat-dog world out there. It’s also sometimes kind of a dog-eat-dog-but-also-use-a-gun-to-turn-part-of-the-dog-into-a-hat sort of world, as well. Are you interested in the Joy Cons or not??”
As of press time, the NFL announced it was banning the substance known on the streets as ‘Mario Tusk Juice,’ after Pittsburgh Steeler defensive all-star TJ Watt tested positive for the unregulated performance enhancer after Sunday’s win over the Baltimore Ravens.
Want to unlock Illari in Overwatch 2to add her to your Support hero roster? We’ve got you covered with our guide! If you wanted to unlock her in season 6, you had to grind the battle pass to level 45 or purchase the premium battle pass. Now that the season pass is gone, though, how do you unlock the hero with the power of the sun in the palm of her hand? Luckily, it’s pretty easy!
Overwatch 2 – How to Unlock Illari (Hero Challenges)
As with previous seasonal heroes like Lifeweaver, the solar supporter can now be unlocked by completing some basic Hero Challenges. Most of these are quick and simple to complete in the practice range, and will give you a good idea of how to effectively use the new hero. Here are all of the Hero Challenges for Illari:
Wins for Illari: Complete 50 games queued as All Roles or playing Support heroes in Quick Play, Competitive Play, or No Limits. Wins grant double progress.
Practice Healing Pylon: Attach Healing Pylon to a wall or ceiling and heal 150 damage with it in the Practice Range as Illari.
Practice Solar Rifle Primary Fire: Deal 400 damage using Solar Rifle’s fully-charged primary fire in the Practice Range as Illari.
Practice Captive Sun: Detonate a Sunstruck enemy after using Captive Sun in the Practice Range as Illari.
Practice Outburst: Activate Outburst with and without the high jump in the Practice Range as Illari.
Practice Solar Rifle Secondary Fire: Heal 200 damage using Solar Rifle’s secondary fire in the Practice Range as Illari.
Illari can also simply be purchased in the in-game shop, either individually (900 Overwatch Coins) or in a bundle with a legendary skin and other cosmetics (1900 Overwatch Coins). If you don’t want to bother spending your precious Overwatch Coins on the new hero, though, you’re better off just grinding the challenges. 50 games played may take a while, but the other challenges are luckily painless and easy.
That’s all the information you need to unlock Illari after season 6! Enjoy playing around with her unique kit, and use solar power to keep your team healed up. Is your roster still incomplete? Check out our guide on how to unlock season 2’s new hero, Ramattra!
HAMBURG, Germany — A shocking new report has revealed that the abysmal conditions under which the recent Lord of the Rings: Gollum game were made somehow led to the worst game of the year, sources have confirmed.
“The atmosphere at Daedalic Entertainment was nothing short of toxic during production of Gollum,” began a post written by former employee Ed Horton. “As if the low pay and crunch weren’t enough, they had us trying to make a fun game out of the 8th or 9th guy you’d want to play as in those Lord of the Rings movies. Even with a reasonable lunch hour and weekends off, I don’t know how good it would have been. As such, everyone’s seen the results, and it’s the worst video game you could have possibly imagined. Go figure.”
The accusations against Daedalic also include allegations of exploiting and taking advantage of unpaid interns.
“I thought I was so lucky to be working on a real life videogame, one based on some of my favorite movies at that,” said former Daedalic intern Emily McGuire. “That feeling faded quickly once I saw the conditions around the office. The smell. The bugs. The lunch bucket they made us all eat out of. My dream became a nightmare in a matter of minutes, and my free retail copy of the game didn’t exactly make me feel better, either.”
Executives from Daedalic pushed back against the recent claims.
“Who are you going to believe,” asked producer Harald Riegler. “Me, or the staff of workers whose claims echo those of mistreated game developers all over the world time and time again? I really wish it were me. Anyway, if anyone knows a better way to make a video game than to break the spirits of every last person involved, please let us at Daedalic know. We’re all ears!”
As of press time, Daedalic Entertainment had issued a ChatGPT generated apology for the “diapppoinement to Rings Lords everywher.”
For a shorter experience like Assassin’s Creed Mirage, offering New Game Plus (NG+) is a great way to increase replayability as well as introduce some new weapons/items. That being said, it’s not uncommon for modes such as NG+ to be added after a title releases. Games like God of War: Ragnarok released its New Game+ mode well after the games launch (much to fans’ dismay). But let’s be honest, adding it at a later date is better than not adding it at all. Which brings us to the latest Assassin’s Creed game, AC Mirage. The game aims to return to the roots of the franchise, allowing for a shorter but more concise overall experience when compared to other recent AC titles. And with a much shorter playthrough time, players have wondered: does Assassin’s Creed Mirage have NG+?
Is There A New Game Plus in AC Mirage?
Sadly, as of the game’s launch, there is no NG+ features in AC Mirage. While fans can still start a new game with one of the 20 manual save slots, the game doesn’t carry anything over from a previous playthrough. Meaning all the abilities, upgrades, costumes, and more that you’ve been unlocking in the 20+ hours it takes to complete the game will be gone if you decide to start a fresh save. This, however, is not the first time Ubisoft has stoked discomfort in AC community with not including NG+.
Will NG+ Be Added in Assassin’s Creed Mirage?
New Game+ is a feature that was prominent in Assassin’s Creed games as recent as Odyssey. What’s more, Ubisoft announced during the lifespan of Assassin’s Creed Valhalla that the game would not be getting NG+, even after many fans expressed their interest in it. This announcement only aggravated fans even more, since it had been a feature that was talked about in multiple patch notes prior to its cancellation.
With all this in mind, it seems the odds of New Game Plus being added in Assassin’s Creed Mirage isn’t likely. But without going into any spoilers, the size of the game, combined with the abilities you learn, would make for a great NG+ experience. Plus, in what world does an RPG not have New Game Plus nowadays?
That’ll do it for us regarding if NG+ is in AC Mirage. Make sure to take a look at our other great guides, such as the Best Skills in AC Mirage.
Back in the 90s, corporations didn’t have access to our internet data in order to laser-target the advertisements they showed us. Toy companies had to do the legwork themselves and run advertisements during children’s television programs. They actually had to put some effort into the ads as well, to make sure that they held the attention of the easily-distracted kids who probably knew how to work the remote well enough to change the channel. They accomplished their goal, perhaps too well. To this day, many of the following commercials play back beneath my eyelids as I fall asleep at night.
50. Mr. Bucket
Okay, so this is a game for children, but guess what? I was a child in the 90s, and I really wanted a Mr. Bucket. I still think about this commercial whenever I see a bucket. I bet I would destroy those kids at this game.
49. K’NEX
When I first encountered K’NEX, they seemed like knock-off LEGOs for nerds. Their marketing division deserves a ton of credit for showing that these plastic beams and connectors could do things that bricks couldn’t, like building a functional freakin’ roller coaster. My freshman year science teacher had one and it was just as cool as you would imagine.
48. Loopin’ Louie
Apparently Loopin’ Louie is still popular in Germany as a drinking game. That actually makes a lot of sense.
47. Nerf Super Maxx
It was really difficult to narrow this pick down to just one of the countless iconic Nerf gun commercials from the 90s. I defaulted to some old advice I received from my grandfather: “If you’re struggling to pick a Nerf commercial for a listicle about 90s ads, always choose the one with a terrible CGI dragon.” Thanks, Poppa.
46. Power Rangers
Sure, I had plenty of Power Rangers toys as a kid, but I never had any Zords. My cousin did, though. Whenever I watched this commercial, I burned with indignation and jealousy as I awoke to the fundamental unfairness of life.
45. Gator Golf
It’s been 30 years, and I still don’t know what could be greater than playing a game of golf with a gator. The question haunts me.
44. Mall Madness
Even as a kid, I thought it was kind of weird to have a game based around the idea of how fun consumerism is. Okay, that was a lie. I was a pretty dumb kid. I do remember thinking that the fake credit card reader was neat, though.
43. Skip-It
It’s kind of weird how much they focus on the fact that it’s got a counter in it. That thing never lasted more than a week. The numbers got jammed before the plastic ring had even rubbed all the skin off of your ankle.
42. Moon Shoes
Man, I thought this commercial was engineered to convince my parents to buy me Moon Shoes. They were very anti-trampoline, so this was the perfect counter! My undeveloped brain couldn’t see that if they didn’t like bouncing confined to one spot, they certainly wouldn’t be thrilled about unrestricted bouncing.
41. Ask Zandar
I stole my sister’s Ask Zandar crystal ball to ask for its advice pretty often. Sure, I could have just used my crummy old Magic 8-Ball, but I trusted the tinny, electronic voice of this strange old man more than a chunk of plastic floating in opaque blue liquid.
40. 13 Dead End Drive
The 90s were a wonderful decade where you could make a children’s board game where the goal was to murder your fellow players and no one batted an eye.
39. Perfection
The game itself may be a lot older, but this commercial is pure 90s. I think I remember the exact tone and cadence of, “Perfection’s the race to beat the clock,” better than I know my own mother’s voice. I relate to the commercial even more now, since I feel like giant game pieces are exploding out of my torso whenever I eat dairy.
38. Mighty Max
I had a couple of these, but I wasn’t a huge fan of them. It just never made sense to me. If Max is supposed to be mighty, why is he so small? Small things aren’t mighty; big things are.
37. Littlest Pet Shop
Now here’s a toy that’s supposed to be small. To this day, it remains the tiniest pet shop I’ve ever seen. See how far a bit of honesty in marketing can go? The makers of Mighty Max should take note, unless they’ve been out of business for decades.
36. Beast Wars
What’s cooler than a robot who can turn into a gorilla? A robot who can turn into a hoverboarding gorilla.
35. Easy-Bake Oven
The Easy-Bake Oven has been around forever, but the 90s were probably the last decade when it was, like, good, right? There’s no way they’re letting kids play with a toy that gets hot enough to bake dough these days. Do they just sell you a plastic oven with pre-cooked brownies inside it?
34. Dream Phone
A lot of things marketed toward girls in the 90s focused on whether or not boys liked them. That really sucks!
33. Yak Bak
The poor man’s version of the Talkboy, the Yak Bak was still a fun way to while away a lazy afternoon in the days before the internet. I know what a fart sounds like in slow motion thanks to this device. I shudder to think where I would be today without that knowledge.
32. Stretch Armstrong
I never had a Stretch Armstrong, and I never really understood how it would be fun to play with for more than five minutes. I mean, he just stretches. I had access to essentially infinite rubber bands that could do the same thing and also be used as a weapon. The commercials were always memorable, though.
31. Yomega
Look out! This isn’t some boring, old, wooden yo-yo you got at a souvenir shop. It’s made of transparent plastic in cool colors! The guy in the commercial has spiky hair! Your parents certainly wouldn’t approve of this yo-yo.
30. My Little Pony
I miss the days when the words “My Little Pony” just made me think of the boring horse toys my sister played with. Those were simpler, better times.
29. 2XL
Let me tell you something about 90s kids. They didn’t want to play with a cuddly bear like Teddy Ruxpin. They wanted to play with an immobile plastic robot with red eyes. The fact that it was much cheaper to manufacture than Teddy Ruxpin was just a fortunate coincidence for the suits at Tiger Electronics.
28. Crocodile Dentist
I’m not sure why game designers in the 90s were so obsessed with alligators and crocodiles, but it worked out for them. This game usually devolved into leaving your hand in the croc’s mouth and intentionally triggering it to close, thus proving you weren’t a baby.
27. Gak
In hindsight, it’s pretty conspicuous how they never show the kids playing with Gak on a carpeted floor.
26. LEGO Castle
There’s a million LEGO commercials I could have chosen, but for some reason, the glowing ghost always stuck with me. Like, I get it, but it just felt weird for some reason. Aren’t ghosts usually, like, see-through? I don’t know. I guess it’s spooky.
THE WITHERED FOREST — Completely ignoring your demands that he desist, the titular final boss of the game Nu’urath: Cruncher of Bones is reportedly still attacking you, sources have confirmed.
“I don’t think they could have been much clearer,” said an onlooker, watching you roll away from Nu’urath’s Torment Axe while making affronted gestures. “It’s not really a fair fight, after all. That bone dude is way bigger.”
The programming team behind Nu’urath: Cruncher of Bones confirmed that they took the design decision to have Nu’urath attack the player even if they didn’t want him to.
“Nu’urath probably didn’t want you to kill his seven large children in the Land of Shades,” pointed out one developer, noting that your rucksack is currently full of flesh keepsakes from said large children.”It was really a core part of our philosophy that you sometimes have to overcome unwanted obstacles in order to earn true satisfaction. That’s why we set the cost of the DLC at £49.99.”
Professional community mediator Gabriel Rose has expressed that your conflict with Nu’urath provides an apt chance to have a discussion about boundaries.
“When one person wishes to resolve the conflict through calm discussion and the other refuses to meet them halfway, it’s really a tough bind,” he said. “It’s particularly hurtful if they only respond to your requests with the same three bone-related quotes.”
At press time, you were reportedly attempting to download a mod that would make Nu’urath more receptive to criticism.
Assassin’s Creed Mirage has an array of weapons to discover or unlock, and their respective perks can offer some excellent synergies with each other as well as Basim’s own skills for some unbeatable character builds. This guide will specifically list the best Swords you can acquire in Assassin’s Creed Mirage, and some recommended pairings.
Rostam Sword: Assassin’s Creed Mirage Best Swords
The Rostam Sword does a great deal of damage on its own, but with Chain Reaction activated, the blade increases its potency by 5% with each successive hit, topping out at a maximum of a 50% bonus to damage output. Acquiring the Rostam Sword will take some doing, as it is acquired at the end of a contract called “The Weapons Dealer” which is randomly unlocked on the Contracts Board at some point. Once you’ve taken possession of the sword, upgrading it will require the completion of further contracts, including “The Slave Merchant”, and “The Slave Trapper” for upgrade schematic rewards.
This Prince of Persia tie-in weapon is a part of the DLC included in the Deluxe Edition of Assassin’s Creed Mirage. While damage output is comparable to the Alamut, its perk Healing Sand will restore 20% of Basim’s health with every kill, but only when time is slowed. This is great to offset the cost and hassle of acquiring Elixirs to replenish health mid-combat, and you won’t have to randomly scavenge for food post-battle either. Additionally, you can hold off on expending two skill points on the Elixir Pocket skill, at least not until you need to progress further down the Trickster skill tree.
Shamshir-e Zomorrodnegar: Best Swords In Assassin’s Creed Mirage
While Shamshir-e Zomorrodnegar is lower on the damage scale among swords in Assassin’s Creed Mirage, its perk Blood Price offers you the trade-off between lowering your maximum health by half while raising your damage output by 50%. This sword has a great immediate synergy with the Abbasid Knight Dagger which boosts damage resistance by 30% when Basim’s health is less than half, which it will always be, obviously. If you’re still taking too much damage for your comfort, pair the Shamshir with its true mate instead–The Samsaama dagger, which will restore Basim’s health by 10% on every fifth hit that you land. You’ll see this in effect on screen, when Basim glows golden each time the perk takes effect.
Initiate of Alamut Sword
This early unlock is acquired during the course of the mission “A New Beginning” from Rebekah. As the starting sword, you might expect it to be quickly made redundant by better discoveries, but the Initiate of Alamut Sword retains utility because of its unique perk: Sharpened Blade, which jacks up damage output by 50% immediately after a good parry. If you enjoy dueling and have the timing down perfectly, this is the sword with which to equip Basim, ideally paired with its set partner, the Initiate of Alamut Dagger which offers an additional 25 defense damage through parries.
Those are some of the best Swords to be acquired in Assassin’s Creed Mirage. Check out our guide on the best Skills to get first in each of the three skill trees, and that will synergize nicely with some of these weapons.
Assassin’s Creed Mirage has three distinct Skill Trees for Basim to upgrade, each with branching paths for a total of 23 Skills. With so many choices to make and many top Skills costing a premium in Skill Points, you might want to know which Skills are the best to pick early. This Assassin’s Creed guide will detail which Skills to unlock first and what effect they have on easing your way through the game.
Chain Assassination: Phantom Skill
While you’ll be relying on the Assassin’s Focus ability to accomplish most of your stealth multi kills, it is hampered by its dependence on filling a meter first. Chain Assassination, on the other hand, is a skill that you can deploy at anytime, anywhere, albeit on a maximum of two targets in proximity. Assassinate the first target, and you will be prompted to instantly assassinate the other. While there is no teleportation slaying involved, it can deal with a second target being at a distance, by deploying the throwing knife for a ranged assassination instead. This, of course, requires you to have at least a single throwing knife active in your tools. Chain Assassination will set you back 3 Skill Points, but is well worth it.
Focus Boost: Best Phantom Skills In Assassin’s Creed Mirage
The Assassin’s Focus ability is a return to the stealth gameplay of classic Assassin’s Creed, and allows you to essentially freeze time and teleport to successive targets and eliminate them one by one. The Focus Bar that it relies on is fairly slow to fill and depends on getting stealth kills to begin with. Focus Boost will greatly speed up this process, potentially allowing you to chain even more stealth kills and keep the bar filled almost consistently.
Knife Recovery: Trickster Skill
Now that you’ve already gone down the path of consecutive stealth multi kills, you will be relying on Basim’s throwing knives a great deal. But like all tools, they come at a premium, and if you want to avoid having to buy throwing knives or digging them out of chests in the world, the Knife Recovery skill will come in handy to replenish your supply directly from felled foes. This essentially means you have a bottomless bag of throwing knives with which to annihilate swathes of enemies, even the heavily armored types, once you’ve upgraded throwing knives to their maximum extent. Knife Recovery creates a perfect synergy with Chain Assassination and Emergency Aim, in aggressive stealth builds, and for just 3 Skill Points.
Pickpocket Master: Best Trickster Skills In Assassin’s Creed Mirage
More than ever, you’re going to need a steady supply of funds in Assassin’s Creed Mirage, and pickpocketing is a great source of income, or would be, if not for the QTE involved. The Pickpocket Master skill will eliminate the QTE entirely for ordinary NPCs, allowing you to basically just walk past them and swipe their belongings left and right. The QTE is still retained for Dervis’ Artifacts targets, where the minigame was also much more difficult. Instead, these special QTEs have now simply been made easier to accomplish successfully.
Eagle Sense: Predator Skill
A trusty flying companion for your protagonist returns in Assassin’s Creed Mirage, and goes by the name Enkidu this time. Its Enkidu’s Eye ability offers up a bird’s eye view of the obstacles you will face, especially opponents obstructing your path. The Eagle Sense enhances that further, by plotting out enemy patrol paths, as long as they are marked first. This will greatly assist Basim in getting past larger clusters of enemies, that not even chained stealth kills could overcome, and will cost you 3 Skill Points.
Emergency Aim: Best Predator Skills In Assassin’s Creed Mirage
In keeping with the general theme of chaining stealth kills, Emergency Aim will help in those situations where you’ve taken down two enemies silently, only for a third to show up out of nowhere. Lean on this skill to instantly auto-lock on the interruptor and deploy your throwing knife to silence them permanently and retain your low profile. This is well worth the cost of 3 Skill Points.
Don’t forget that you can reset all your Skills at any time using the relevant button prompt displayed in the bottom right of the Skills menu. That’s everything you need to know about selecting the best Skills in the Phantom, Trickster, and Predator skill trees in Assassin’s Creed Mirage. Be sure to check out our guide on the best Swords to be acquired by Basim in Assassin’s Creed Mirage.
