Gary Kerls, Author at Hard Drive

Uh Oh: Date Just Referred to Vhs Collection as “Nest Egg”

Posted on October 12, 2023 by Joe Rumrill

SILVER LAKE, Calif. — A first date went south in seconds yesterday when a local woman heard the man-child she was out with earnestly call his VHS collection his “nest egg”, sources urging the woman to flee reported.

“I mean, the night was far from perfect from the start, when for some reason he requested we meet at a Barcade that he’d been banned from for jamming Lunchables pepperoni slices in the quarter slots,” said Shocarra Cunningham, while looking up nunneries on her phone. “So, 15 minutes later after we had been tossed out, we were out sitting on the curb making conversation, and then he drops that ‘nest egg’ bomb. All his meager finances are tied up in the moldy boxes of videotapes, I guess. He had pictures of them in his wallet, like a normal person would have of their loved ones. My Hinge algorithm is trying to do me in.”

When asked about his experience on the date, Travis Bailey couldn’t wait to talk further about the value of his cherished VHS haul.

“Oh yeah, it’s a pretty extensive collection. Got all sorts of limited edition clamshell cases, even have a copy of Mars Attacks signed by Tom Jones himself,” said the 36-year-old former dogwalker, while waxing his handlebar mustache. “Plus, I’ve got like 85 copies of Bowfinger…It’s not especially rare, but there’s a lot of them, y’know? If I sold them all for a buck apiece, I’m 75 whole bucks richer. If that’s not a retirement fund, I don’t know what is. Between my videos and my collection of all 50 state quarters, I could start shopping for second hand mopeds, like, TOMORROW. Life is sweet.”

Los Angeles Times love columnist Tovah Wendricks espoused a growing concern with the financial stability of men in Bailey’s age-range and interest bracket.

“Our studies show a whopping 91% of first dates end in men revealing themselves to be completely ill-equipped for their own futures, let alone sharing it with someone else.” she said. “We find it’s best for the long-suffering responsible parties on these dates to simply ‘play it cool, say ‘that’s cool’ and leave this fool’. Follow those directions, and then going forward maybe not matching with men who reference their supposed nunchuck ability in their profile, and true connection could come your way soon. At least, we hope to god it does.”

At press time, Ms. Cunningham was further mortified when she witnessed Bailey attempting to tip a bartender with a couple of Pog Slammers.

50 Games To Play if Your Day Job Isn’t Tedious Enough

Posted on October 11, 2023 by Robert Carnevale

Having too much fun in the wage cage, skipper? Enjoying your 9-to-5 grind to the point where you wish you could feel the pain of working a job you hated? Then, gee golly, do I have 50 nasty little surprises for you. Get ready to ask for fifteen minutes of your life back, because here are 50 games you should play if your day job just isn’t tedious enough.

#1 — Every single Assassin’s Creed since the second one

You ever vomit everywhere, and there’s chunks of food you ate two days ago spread out across a giant area of floorspace? Ubisoft’s been studying this imagery’s effect on humans for the past dozen Assassin’s Creed games. That’s why their game maps look like giant, bloated piles of vomit that’ll take you half a decade to complete. It’s a social experiment.

#2 — WWE Champions

I used to have a wife, Katrina, and a dog, Casper (like the friendly ghost). She took the dog and left when I decided to dedicate time to grinding out Hulk Hogan JPEGs instead of focusing on our marriage. But good god, I needed those gacha pulls. I still do. And gin. I need gin. Alexa, tell Scopely to send me some gin.

#3 — Starfield

My buddy Todd and I got together before he started mapping out Starfield, and as a prank, I said, “hey, if I can fit this whole cucumber up my ass, you gotta let me make one design choice on your next game.” Well, long story short, don’t blame Todd for the fact you have to navigate about sixteen menus every single time you want to take your spaceship anywhere or remove an item from your inventory. Sorry!

#4 — Baldur’s Gate 3

Imagine you get home from a hard day of work, and all you want to do is watch a bear fuck a gay vampire. Simple goal, right? Wrong. In order to do that, you have to navigate about five wheel menus to select the “fuck” action, and then you have to listen to some nasally narrator use her “bedtime” voice to painstakingly describe the lust you feel all for the privilege of maybe catching some bear sideboob in a thirty-second cutscene. Yuck.

#5 — Marvel’s Avengers

Plundering natural resources from Wakanda as Iron Man is all well and good, but does the guy with a nuclear missile for a heart really need to spend that much time grinding in order to defeat a robot spider the size of a minifridge? Anyway, Square Enix agreed with us and killed the game, so you don’t really have to worry about any of this anymore.

#6 — Telling Lies

You ever spend way too long fast-forwarding and rewinding through a YouTube video to find the one interesting bit you wanted to share with your friend? That’s the gameplay of Telling Lies. Anyone nostalgic for VCRs will enjoy it.

#7 — The Last of Us Part 2

I’ll never forget the day Neil Druckmann was dropped off at my orphanage. Even as a youth, he had a mature, developed hatred for humanity. One day, as I was serving him his dinner of orphan gruel, he stared me down and said, “I’m going to make you traipse through the hollow corpse of America as a bodybuilder who plays golf with fathers’ heads. And I’m going to watch as you weep when I win Game of the Year awards from an industry desperate to appear sophisticated.” Sick fuck.

#8 — Sonic Frontiers: The Final Horizon

After years of Sonic fans calling him a softy, Sonic Team’s Morio Kishimoto declared war on gamers, incensed by their baseless claims that he suffered from erectile dysfunction. But as it turned out, they weren’t saying he had ED—they were accusing him of making Sonic games too easy. Kishimoto later recognized these criticisms were lost in translation and confirmed plans to apologize for Sonic Frontiers: The Final Horizon in the near future.

#9 — Twelve Minutes

You know how if you get in an argument with your spouse, smoke a cigarette, smash some dishes, and apologize, but do it all in the wrong order, your wife will stay with her sister for the weekend and then you have to repeat the cycle next weekend? That’s Twelve Minutes.

#10 — Final Fantasy XV (but really, all of them)

Yeah, the antics of Final Fantasy XV‘s metrosexual boy band were boring, but let’s not dance around the truth of the matter: every Final Fantasy is thirty hours of tedious, mindless anime melodrama wrapped up in stupid haircuts.

#11 — Monster Hunter World

Monster Hunter World was actually an alpha build of Horizon Zero Dawn that Capcom stole and eventually released as-is. It was a complete fluke that Monster Hunter World became a best-selling sensation; Capcom did not expect people with actual friends to get together and aimlessly dick around in a jungle for hundreds of hours.

#12 — Horizon Zero Dawn

Sony, much like Capcom, figured out how to make a game about dinosaurs tedious: shove in needless crafting, a map that’s too big, and a narrative backdrop that’s a waste of everyone’s time. Much like Capcom, Sony was shocked that this formula—which was designed to repulse intelligent life—could sustain a franchise.

#13 — GTA V Online

Honest to God, earning money in real life is less tedious.

#14 — Marvel Snap

In the time it took me to grind out 7,500 gold bars for one of Marvel Snap’s premium card bundles, my son applied for college, got accepted, went there, and returned with a liberal arts degree in basketweaving. He now works at Google.

#15 — High on Life

Imagine having to endure hours of Rick and Morty humor alongside some of the blandest gunplay since the gaming industry’s most recent FPS release. Horrifying, right?

#16 — Papers, Please

This game actually is a day job. It’s probably not too different from yours, in fact. So why would you pull a double shift if you’re not getting paid? Ask Lucas Pope for your 1099 form.

#17 — Rainbow Six Siege

Keeping up with this game wouldn’t be so tedious were it not for Ubisoft rebalancing it every five minutes to destabilize any sort of playable, enjoyable meta. Seriously, I take a break to make lunch and the yacht map is no longer in the game. I pick up my kids from school and Blackbeard’s been neutered past the point of usability. I go to Yves Guillemot’s house to demand an explanation for Ubisoft’s recent actions and I end up in jail. Great.

#18 — Doom (2016)

Lock yourself in a closet filled with bugs and kill them by hand. After eight hours, you will have completed Doom. Now do it again to complete Doom Eternal.

#19 — Ghostwire Tokyo

Ghostwire Tokyo might look better than an average Ubisoft game, but it doesn’t play better than one. Picture a big sandbox map filled with icons– icons as far as the eye can glaze over!

#20 — Shadow of the Tomb Raider

More like Shadow of My Ass Falling Asleep on the Couch. The finale of Square Enix’s store-brand Uncharted trilogy is every bit as formulaic as you’d expect. The tedium of watching Lara refuse to develop any sort of personality after three entire fucking games… it’s enough to drive a person crazy.

#21 — Borderlands (all of them)

Rumor has it, if you whisper “Claptrap” in front of a mirror three times, Randy Pitchford will materialize behind you and rattle off some jokes that were so bad they couldn’t even make it into the Borderlands games, otherwise known as the endless lootershooters Randy used to beta test his standup routines.

#22 — Far Cry (all of them)

Assassin’s Creed is a little different with guns, but not much, you know? There are still numerous bad guy camps to conquer, shareholder meetings to attend, quarterly fiscal targets to meet, lowest-common-denominator game design principles to formulate future monetary plans around… The list goes on.

#23 — Control

There is a plot somewhere in Control, but you’ll need the patience of a saint to find it. If scraping through every inch of a digital office to find lore nuggets sounds tedious, that’s because it is.

#24 — Destiny 2

Much like with 9/11, people thought it couldn’t get worse after the first one hit. Then came the second, and everyone realized it wasn’t an accident: it was a coordinated assault on the American people. Destiny 2 is villainy of the same degree, almost. It is the free-to-play shell of a mobile game rebranded as a premium experience by executives who want to use your syphoned time as an experimental means to achieve immortality.

#25 — Deathloop

Thank God we don’t live in the world of Deathloop. Imagine if all the homeless people you shanked to death last night respawned every morning. You’d never get through your daily chore list. Is this relatable to anyone? I hope not.

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Goron City Open Mic on Tenth Consecutive Comic Testing Bit About Rocks

Posted on October 11, 2023 by Joe Rumrill

HYRULE — This week’s edition of Goron City’s comedy open mic is reportedly on it’s tenth comedian in a row testing new material exclusively about rocks, certain bored patrons of the ‘Nothin’ But Rubble Pub’ confirm.

“It was kind of a bizarre coincidence at first, but c’mon, like a dozen comedians in a row are up there looking at their notes saying ‘Didja ever notice how the bigger the rock is, the heavier it is too?’ and then it absolutely crushes with all the Gorons in the crowd” complained one Zora comedian, drying out their sopping wet moleskine. “And then, by the time I get up there to test my new chunk about steering clear of nearby Lynels, I’m going to eat shit. Ok fuck off for a second, I’m gonna write some rock jokes before they call my name, I guess.”

When asked about the prevalent geological subject matter in most of the sets, a Goron patron couldn’t have been more enthusiastic.

“Oh my god, when the one guy went up there with that bit about how tough it is to dig through solid rock because of the ‘solid’ aspect of them, I had to point to my buddy across the room, because that is SO him at work,” the Goron said, while slapping the table so hard it crumbled. “Damn, you can find humor in such random places, I guess! The rocks at work, the rocks at home, the rocks on your way to work from home. Comedy really can unite the world, huh?”

A booker for Goron City Television’s Slate Night show was also in attendance.

“These last ten comics have just had the freshest takes I’ve seen in all my years of booking comedians for Slate Night. I mean I heard jokes about igneous rock, sedimentary rock,the variety was off the charts!” said the booker, while passing out contracts left and right. “Not too wild about that Zora fellow who was popping off about water and water-related stuff. Probably won’t play in the heartland, they maybe shouldn’t quit their day job. But, those rock guys, wow! Watch out, Hollywood!”

At press time, the open mic culminated in a set where a Goron prop comic attempted to smash a rock with a big wooden sledgehammer, showering the cheering audience with gravel.

Nice: Bill Watterson Personally Informs You the Calvin & Hobbes Voices You Pictured in Your Head Were Correct

Posted on October 11, 2023 by Joe Rumrill

CLEVELAND — Legendary reclusive creator of Calvin & Hobbes Bill Watterson reportedly validated your entire existence recently when he confirmed that the voices you always gave his characters in your head were what he envisioned as well, sources confirm.

“I mean, anyone who knows me knows I’m the furthest thing from a soft-touch when it comes to coddling my readers, but I had to hand it to this kid,” said Watterson, in his first public interview in decades.

“When he did the voices for me when he accosted me at the farmer’s market, it was like my creations had come to life,” he continued, gesturing toward you with an approving glint in his eye. “The timbre, the register, even the ever-so-subtle lisp. For the record, Hobbes doesn’t sound like Phil Hartman, and Calvin doesn’t sound like Jonathan Lipnicki circa 1995. They both sound exactly like, well, you, damn it. Congratulations, now let’s pop some champagne and finally, FINALLY, talk merchandising.”

Though Watterson saw it as a sign for celebration, not everyone is excited for the newfound respect you’ve earned.

“I make a whole documentary on the guy, and don’t even get to meet him once,” said Joel Schroeder, director and star of the much maligned documentary Dear Mr. Watterson. “Meanwhile, your dumb ass catches him at a happy hour and drunkenly tell him what you always thought his characters sounded like and suddenly he’s slapping you on the back and telling you what a genius you are? First I had to deal with those Documentary Now! bozos teasing me and now this?! I swear, I’m gonna pivot to being a Garfield guy.”

Employees of the Watterson frequented Harbor Inn Cafe have noted the artist’s routine when dealing with fans.

“Oh, Watterson’s been coming in for a few years now to fuck with the too-forward fans who bug him. His bit is he tells them everything they want to hear, and get them to buy him a few rounds, all for his own amusement,” said Harbor Inn Cafe bartender Lila Gribbaldi. “I hate to break it to you, but he sometimes even tells people their illegal bumper stickers of Calvin peeing on the Chevy logos are masterpieces. You shouldn’t take it personally, though, the guy’s just been bored the past 30 years.”

At press time, Watterson further inflated your already ballooning ego when he agreed that the plot you assumed “Hamster Huey and the Gooey Kablooie” had was note-perfect.

New ‘Stardew Valley’ Update To Include Good Old Suckin’ and Fuckin’

Posted on October 11, 2023 by Elanna White

SEATTLE — The Internet was taken by storm this week when Concerned Ape announced an upcoming Stardew Valley update that seemingly includes, as Eric Barone himself phrases it, “good old suckin’ and fuckin’”

“I just felt like it was time,” Barone said. “We’ve obviously got dating and marriage and then eventually, a child pops up out of the blue with no explanation. This sort of ambiguity worked for a while but I think at this point I owe it to the fans. A lot of people have asked for polycules over these last few years but I think this feels like a better start that’s more in line with the general life sim aspect.”

An insider at Polygon had some additional juicy details on the development.

“We can’t share too many details but what we do know is that naturally, Mr. Qi is at the crux of things,” the source claimed. “He’s one of the newest additions and obviously a sort of Baccus-meets-Twin Peaks type figure who’s ready for debauchery. They’re actually set to be separate quests that you’ll have to unlock behind two doors marked ‘suck’ and ‘fuck’ in a secret room at the back of the casino. Oh baby. Sign me up.”

One eager Stardew Valley fan had their own theories.

“I honestly think that he’s going to work it into the Night Market,” speculated local gamer Laura Kirk. “I mean, it’s the perfect setting, obviously. The boat you get on could even take you to another mysterious island off the coast of Ginger Island, a sort of adults only resort type deal. And I’d want the mermaids to run it. Yeah, I’ve always wanted to romance the mermaids.”

As of press time, rumors persist that the update will also include a Krobus Sex Dungeon DLC Pack, Pam’s Poppers and Jojamart Dick Pills.

Woody and Friends Slaughtered by Warhammer Miniatures in ‘Toy Story 5’

Posted on October 11, 2023 by Nick Lundquist

EMERYVILLE, Calif. — In the latest example of misguided pop culture crossovers, Pixar Studios has announced the inclusion of Warhammer 40k miniatures into Toy Story 5, sources have confirmed, with a plot that centers around Woody and friend being ruthlessly slaughtered by the invading figurines for the glory of their God Emperor.

“This is the vision we’ve had for these characters since 1995,” said Pixar CCO Pete Doctor. “I remember when we were writing Toy Story how Steve Jobs told us, he looked at one draft and said ‘I love it, but how can we fit Warhammer into this? If we can just get Warhammer working.’ And now, we finally have. I mean, Buzz Lightyear was basically just a soft-launch for putting an Imperium Space Marine in our children’s movie.”

Details regarding the film’s plot have been kept a closely guarded secret, but leaks have suggested that many of the franchise’s beloved characters will be ripped to shreds for their heresy throughout.

“Every single toy is going to die,” said an anonymous insider at Pixar who has been leaking plot details online “.I’m serious. Woody gets shot in the head with a Bolter. Buzz gets mutated beyond recognition into a chaos spawn. You don’t even want to know what they do to Hamm… It’s sickening. I just don’t see how this fits into the Toy Story universe. The Warhammer figurines don’t even pretend to be toys around humans, they just keep killing. They sacrifice Andy to the Blood God! Oh, Jesus, the screams… I still hear the screams!”

Fans of both Toy Story and Warhammer have expressed strong opinions about the impending crossover, ranging from apprehension to anticipation. One fan of both franchises, Travis Tolbert, explained the complex emotions at play.

“On one hand, every Warhammer fan is excited to see new realms conquered for the God Emperor. The bloodied bones of those xeno toys will lay the foundation of another battle barge. On the other hand, I just feel like we should leave Toy Story alone. The third one had a perfect ending, why milk it?”

At press time, Pixar has stayed firm in their intention to incorporate Warhammer into even more of their franchises with announcements for films such as Monsters Imperium and Cars 4: Righteous Crusade.

EA Sports FC 24 Ultimate Team Guide: How to Get Coins Faster

Posted on October 11, 2023 by Samam Hasan

EA Sports FC 24 is out now for players willing to enjoy the next generation of ultimate football gameplay. The Ultimate Team mode carries over from previous FIFA titles, where players can make the best squad of their dreams. To create a proper team, having coins is immensely necessary. Players will need to know how to get coins fast as they can help them buy their required players, managers, consumables, and more. So, let’s take a look at how to get coins fast in EA Sports FC 24.

How to Get Coins in EA Sports FC 24

Completing Objectives

Completing objectives in EA Sports FC 24 can reward you with a lot of coins. The Milestones objectives are a good example of where performing certain actions will reward you with coins, one example being the Transfer Market Mastery, where most of the objectives give you 1500 coins. Also, be sure to check out the Foundations as well as the Seasonal objectives, as they can give you around 500 coins each.

Earn Coins Faster in EA Sports FC 24 by Selling Players

Of course, selling players is also one of the easiest ways to get coins fast. If you have tradeable players, then you can sell them for a good amount of profit, especially if they are first owned via packs. It is also worth noting that EA charges a 5% transaction fee on every successful trade/transfer, so be sure to set your starting and buy-now price properly. If you don’t sell a player for the first time at a specific price, then you can easily put them up for transfer at a different price. The situation of the transfer market in the game changes constantly, so you will have to be smart with your prices. Some players are essential to completing SBCs, so they can go for a lot more than their average price on the market.

Buying and Selling Bronze Pack Items

The Premium Bronze packs available in the store are also a good source of quick coins in the game. These packs cost only 750 coins, but the content inside can easily be worth more than 1000, especially if there are players needed for SBCs. Additionally, some kits and other consumables are also worth quite a bit of coins. It’s all dependent on luck whether you get good quality Bronze items, but for 750 coins, the risk is definitely worth it.

Playing Squad Battles: How to Earn Coins Fast EA Sports FC 24

The Squad Battles in the game are now shorter than previous FIFA games, with each half being 4 minutes. So, players can play around seven matches in around an hour. You can easily get around 600 -700 coins, give or take, during this time, which can net you around 4500 to 5000 coins. This is a great method for those who want to enjoy the game and also earn some quick coins. The Squad Battles themselves feel less tedious than before due to shorter halves.

So, that is everything you need to know about getting coins fast in EA Sports FC 24. Check out our guide to the best Ultimate Team formations & tactics to make great use of the players you buy with your new supply of coins!

EA Sports FC 24 Best Formation Guide: Best Formations & Tactics

Width: 48

Players in Box: 4

Corners and Free Kicks: 3

These formations and custom tactics can surely help in achieving glory and success in EA Sports FC 24. Check out our guide for how to get coins faster to increase your Ultimate Team potential even further!

“They Shouldn’t Have Done All This”: We Talked to the Last Guy Still Playing ‘Redfall’ About the Game’s New Update

Posted on October 10, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

Redfall, Arkane Studios’ once highly anticipated first person shooter, received tepid reactions and reviews upon release earlier this year. Despite the negative response and waning player count, however, an update was released earlier this week. We sat down with the last guy that’s still playing the Xbox exclusive to get his thoughts on the tweaks and fixes found in the game’s surprising update.

**Hey Lewis, thanks for agreeing to sit down and talk to us about Redfall.**

“Yeah, no problem. I’ve been talking to different sites and reporters all day. It’s kind of fun!”

**What keeps you playing Redfall despite its underwhelming response?**

“Look, I know it’s not perfect, but I just enjoy it and find it comforting at this point. I don’t want to learn some new game, I just want to play something I know. Plus, the developers really care about the players. For example, that new update addressed a graphical corruption issue with changing resolution with AMD GPUs. Now I know why they DM’d me asking about my GPU the other day. Incredible.”

Do you find the criticisms of the game valid?

“Oh, absolutely. The thing is a stinker. But, it was on Game Pass and my internet was being weird after I downloaded it, so I learned to love it.”

You mentioned the update. What is your favorite part of it?

“I really like the way the game calls me by name now. It’ll say, “Great job, Lewis Bortles,” or “Try again, Lewis Bortles,” or “Can’t find any players online right now, Lewis Bortles.” It’s really neat. I wish more games could do it, but I understand why they don’t.”

Right, because they have more than one player.

“Exactly! I really get it. Also too, that’s another reason I keep playing. They have my name in there now. I really feel like the whole team is counting on me to keep playing, so I probably will. At least until Spider-Man 2 comes out.”

Was there anything the update didn’t include that you were hoping to see?

“Not at all, honestly. I mean let’s be real, I’m the only guy playing this game. I just kept seeing new tweaks and fixes and thinking, ‘Man, you guys really didn’t have to do all this.’”

**So, there isn’t anything you would change about Redfall?**

“Whoa, don’t go putting words in my mouth there, kid.”

I’m 38 years old.

“And writing about a damn video game.”

A video game that you still play!

“I’m just saying!”

Okay, let’s all just calm down. I’ll sit down if you sit down.

“Okay. Fine.”

**As a fan of Redfall, did you enjoy Arkane Studio’s other games?**

“Whoa! They made other games before? Should I check those out, or?”

**Oh yeah, you should definitely play Dishonored.**

“I’ll check it out. Doubt it’s better than Redfall though!”

**What do you like best about Redfall?**

“Hey, ask me something else, would you? Something easier?”

What other games do you like to play?

“Oh, I’m into all kinds of shit. Anthem, Babylon’s Fall, Forspoken, that last SimCity game they made. All kinds of games.”

**Well, thanks one last time for the interview. I’ll leave you alone now to play some Redfall haha**

“Yeah, that might be for the best. All the Arkane guys are texting me and freaking out about where the hell I am. I better get online.”

Shell and ‘Fortnite’ Team Up To Promote the Benefits of Huffing Gas and Playing Video Games

Posted on October 10, 2023 by Mark Roebuck

CARY, N.C. — Epic Games and Shell gasoline have teamed up to promote an exciting new Fortnite campaign that encourages gamers and children to inhale Shell brand gasoline in order to get intoxicated and enjoy the game more, sources have confirmed.

“Obviously the pivot to hybrid and electric has been tough to navigate,” said Wael Sawan, CEO of the Shell Corporation. “But we’re always looking ahead here at Shell. We realize the path to a new generation of loyal customers isn’t going to be paved with more efficient practices than our competitors. Nope, we want these kids to get high on our shit while they play Fortnite. That’s the ticket, right there.”

Representatives from Epic were proud to announce the collaboration.

“From John Wick to your favorite Marvel characters, Fortnite has long been a haven for the best and coolest things in the world,” said Tim Sweeney, CEO of Epic, which recently laid off 20 percent of its workforce. “And now, players will get to experience a cleaner and longer lasting high than any of Shell’s leading competitors. I’ve tried this stuff, and believe me when I say, it’s the most fun I’ve ever had in my life.”

In addition to pro-gas huffing commercials and in-game advertisements, Epic and Shell have also teamed up to recruit popular streamers and influencers to the campaign.

“Okay you guys, I’m gonna try it,” said popular streamer ShortyBearz, shortly before pouring some gasoline into a washcloth and inhaling deeply with it covering his mouth and nose. “Oh my god you guys, it totally works! Wow, I feel great and the music I was listening to sounds better all of the sudden. No more trips to the dispensary for me, I’m gonna get my rocks off at 3.50 a gallon from now on!”

“The best part about huffing gas while you play Fortnite is you can do them both at the same time,” he added, after nodding off for a few minutes.

As of press time, Fortnite had also introduced an exciting new feature where you pay real money for authentic Shell gasoline to put into your car.