Who Is Every State’s Favorite Marvel Comic Book Character?

Posted on by Jacob VanGundy

The MCU has raised people’s awareness of Marvel characters to astronomical new levels. But we’re interested in what people think of comic book characters in their original medium. So, we gathered Hard Drive’s most powerful telepaths and telepathically asked every comic book fan in the country for their favorite Marvel comic book character. Here’s what each state had to say. 

Alabama: Juggernaut

The Juggernaut is empowered by the Crimson Gem of Cyttorak. The University of Alabama is empowered by the Crimson Tide of Cyttorak. Alabama residents have to choose Juggernaut as their favorite or risk losing their patron deity’s blessing and Alabama would never risk losing the edge in college football. 

Alaska: Apocalypse 

Much like the ancient mutant En Sabah Nur, Alaskans believe in survival of the fittest. Why else would someone choose to live in a place with 24 hours of night, grizzly bears, and moose? 

Arizona: Ice Man

No one in Arizona actually said Ice Man was their favorite Marvel character. Actually, not a single Arizonan answered our question, they all just complained about the heat. Seems like Ice Man could really help them out. 

Arkansas: Tigra 

Arkansas is full of closet furrys. They all claim it’s just a coincidence they have so many comics featuring the hot tiger lady but we know what’s up. 

California: Mysterio 

He may be a criminal menace but he’s also a member of SAG. Mysterio has been picketing every day of the strike while Spider-Man hasn’t even put out a supportive tweet. So who’s the real villain here? 

Colorado: Adam X the X-Treme

After the 90’s Adam X wandered aimlessly looking for somewhere his backwards baseball cap and soul patch aesthetic would be welcome. When Colorado legalized weed he opened a dispensary and finally found his people. 

Connecticut: Speedball

Early in his career, Speedball was a heartthrob local hero protecting the New England area. He was part of a successful, beloved team. Then he turned evil, his old team fell apart, and his personal life was destroyed. He’s less beloved in Connecticut now but some still remember him fondly. So basically, he’s Tom Brady. 

Delaware: Ant-Man

Delaware is one of the smallest states by area, so they’re always asking for Pym particles. Whether they want to shrink themselves down to make more space or turn Delaware into a mega-state and swallow the other surrounding states is unclear. Either way, they’re sucking up to Ant-Man until they get those sweet sweet particles. 

Florida: Man-Thing

Anti-mutant characters like Bolivar Trask and William Stryker have been gaining steam in Florida, but Man-Thing remains Florida’s favorite. He gets points for living in the Everglades but most Floridians just think it’s funny that there’s a comic called Giant-Size Man-Thing. Remember, only some Floridians are bigots but all Floridians like dick jokes. 

Georgia: Mephisto 

Devil guys are always hanging out at Georgia flea markets making deals. Unlike that dick Satannish, Mephisto is willing to haggle. Georgians love a good deal, even one that costs them their soul. 

Hawaii: Krakoa 

This one’s pretty obvious. All Hawaiians wish their islands would eat a few tourists every now and then. 

Idaho: The Hulk

Much like Bruce Banner, the people of Idaho just want to be left alone with their national parks and potato farms. Whenever Hulk smashes something they just nod and say, “That’s what I’d do if someone trespassed on my property.” 

Illinois: Kitty Pryde

A handful of Marvel characters come from Chicago. But there’s only one who’s a bisexual, Jewish, ninja, pirate, space captain, whose best friend is a dragon. Honestly, it’s weird every state didn’t pick Kitty. 

Indiana: Ghost Rider

Specifically, they like the Robbie Reyes version of Ghost Rider. People from Indianapolis don’t understand the appeal of stories that don’t center around cars driving really fast. 

Iowa: Thunder Riders

Everyone in Iowa is too boring to own a motorcycle. So a group of motorcycle riders with the power to fuse into an even better motorcycle rider seems pretty crazy to Iowans. 

Kansas: Scarlett Witch

Ever since The Wizard of Oz people in Kansas worry about their reputation as being anti-witch. They’re not. See, they like Scarlett Witch even after that whole no more mutants thing. They love witches!

Kentucky: The Fenris Twins

We didn’t actually ask anyone from Kentucky who their favorite Marvel character is. But based on my kin from Clay County I feel like characters defined by implied incest and overt racism are a pretty safe bet. 

Louisiana: Blade 

Louisiana has been lousy with vampires ever since Anne Rice made New Orleans the setting of Interview With the Vampire. Naturally, they’re big fans of Marvel’s number-one vampire hunter. He’s basically their exterminator. 

Maine: Son of Satan 

Daimon Hellstrom struggles to suppress his “darksoul” which makes him lash out and commit acts of evil. People from Maine similarly feel that all emotions are a dark force to be suppressed. 

Maryland: Iron Fist

Maryland is full of rich white people who spent two weeks in Asia and became “masters” of meditation or yoga or whatever. Why shouldn’t a white trust fund kid be Marvel’s greatest martial artist? 

Massachusetts: Emma Frost

Emma Frost is a hot rich girl from Boston who ran an elite academy there. Pretty much everyone from the Boston area loves her. And if they don’t she’ll just implant lover for her in their minds. 

Michigan: Mr. Immortal

As the leader of The Great Lakes Avengers, Mr. Immortal is a clear favorite in Michigan. The team may be a joke outside of the Great Lakes region, but who protects the region from the yuletide terrorist Dr. Tannenbuam? It sure as hell isn’t Iron Man. 

Minnesota: Valkyrie 

Minnesota is really into Norse mythology. If I’ve learned anything from Fargo it’s that they also love female protagonists. I guess it makes sense that Valkyrie is their favorite. 

Mississippi: Black Panther

Black Panther fought the KKK back in the 70’s making him a hero to everyone in Mississippi whose opinion we’d care to know. 

Missouri: Whizzer

Missouri is very proud of the fact that Golden Age speedster The Whizzer is from their state. They don’t like when people laugh at his name. He’s a superhero damn it, show some respect!

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Man on Verge of Understanding Tournament Structure of British Game Show

Posted on by Alex McMillan

CULVER CITY, Calif.  — A man who has spent the weekend bingeing a British game show he found on YouTube is on the cusp of figuring out how the tournament structure works, sources have confirmed.

“So we’re in the losers bracket of the second round” said marketing consultant Zach Cohen, whilst watching his fifth Exact Estimate episode of the day. “They need to win this match or they’re out, unless they’re one of the four highest scoring loser teams, then they can lose another match to get into the wildcard bracket. I think.”

When asked for clarification regarding what stage of the tournament we were currently in, the clearly exhausted marketing consultant seemed to have lost confidence in his theory.

“Oh wait hang on, how are the Crossstitchers back? They’ve lost like three episodes in a row now. Why are they playing the Sous Chefs?! Those guys won last season, they shouldn’t even be here! I’m going to have to draw this diagram out all over again.”

Speaking to reporters from a secure location, Jemima Fishwick, Mr. Cohen’s roommate, said Zach’s newfound obsession with a show he barely understands has alienated him from his friends and family.

“I think he’s hoping it will make him appear smart if he can grasp whatever the hell is going on. Like he’ll absorb the intellect and we’ll all be impressed with him for watching a fucking TV show” said Fishwick, applying a nicotine patch. “If I hear that jaunty little theme tune one more time I swear I’m going to start smoking again.”

As of press time, Ms. Fishwick has moved out of their shared apartment, and Mr. Cohen has become a moderator on the r/exactestimate subreddit.

Charger Cable With Sparks Shooting Out of It May Need To Be Replaced at Some Point

Posted on by Travis Tack

TRENTON, N.J. — The phone charger that local man Michael Kelton, 34, leaves next to his bed has begun to discharge electrical current through the air at random, sources have confirmed. Luckily, Kelton says he’s begun considering possibly ordering a replacement at some point in the future.

“My last charger burned down my apartment and I still kept using it for four more months at my new place,” Kelton told reporters. “So yeah, the shooting sparks thing isn’t great, but as long as I don’t spill anything on it or keep any paper over there, I don’t think it’s a very big deal. Plus, my father taught me not to waste anything, and this is how I honor his memory. He died last year after eating a bunch of old food.”

Experts have warned that once the insulation becomes damaged, the conductors become exposed and the charger cable could pose a fire risk unless Kelton wraps a bunch of duct tape around it.

“Come on man, use your head,” said local fireman Cal Gunther. “You’re talking about Mike Kelton that lives on Telegraph Avenue? I drove by his house the other night and his upstairs window was smoking. I just think he’s really tempting fate with his setup from the sounds of it. The Consumer Product Safety Commission’s guidelines are clear: if you find any signs of damage, cords and chargers must be replaced within the next 2-3 years, hopefully.”

Of course, it’s only a matter of time before the dirty, damaged, and semi-functioning cable finally reaches the point where Kelton is forced to start considering the possibility of maybe adding a replacement to his Amazon wish list. But, for now, he remains committed to the generic blue cable that costs $6.99 at the CVS a mere five blocks from his home.

“It takes time to replace these things,” Kelton continued. “And I just have a lot going on right now. For example: I’m thinking of getting pizza later. That sounds like a lot of work, though. I probably won’t, actually.”

EA Sports FC 24 Best Controller Settings Guide

Posted on by Samam Hasan

EA Sports FC 24 brings in a new generation of football gameplay for players all over the world to enjoy. To win in the game or even stay competitive, players will need the best controller settings suited to their playstyle. Every setting makes a difference in FC 24, especially the Ultimate Team mode,  so it is essential to find out which is suited. With that in mind, let’s take a look at the best controller settings in EA Sports FC 24.

EA Sports FC 24: Best Controller Settings

The best controller settings for EA Sports FC 24.

When playing Ultimate Team, the controller preset will always be set to Competitive. While you can’t fully customize the preset, there are noticeable things you can tweak within various factors of the gameplay. Let’s take a look at them:

Shooting

  • Shot Assistance: Assisted
  • Timed Finishing: Off (based on player preference)

Passing

  • Through Pass Assistance: Semi
  • Lobbed Through Pass: Semi
  • Ground Pass Assistance: Assisted
  • Cross Assistance: Semi
  • Lobbed Pass Assistance: Semi
  • Pass Receiver Lock: Late
  • Precision Pass Sensitivity: Normal

Defending

  • Auto Clearances: Off
  • Clearance Assistance: Classic
  • Jockey: Manual
  • Defending: Advanced Defending
  • Pass Block Assistance: On

Switching

  • Auto Switching: On Air and Loose Balls
  • Auto Switching Move Assistance: Low
  • Right Stick Switching: Classic
  • Right Stick Switching Reference: Player Relative
  • Right Stick Switching Sensitivity: 4
  • Next Player Switching: Classic
  • Player Lock: Off
  • Icon Switching: On

Dribbling

  • Contextual Dribbling: Off
  • Orbit Dribbling: On

Goalkeeping

  • Save Assistance: Assisted

Controller Preferences

  • Analog Sprint: Off
  • Trigger Effect: Off
  • User Vibration Feedback: Enhanced

These settings will help you out massively in EA Sports FC 24, especially in Ultimate Team. While you’re looking to improve your Ultimate Team success, check out our guide on how to get coins faster!

Super Mario Bros. Wonder Release Time & Date: Preload Guide

Posted on by Noah Hunter

For any Nintendo Switch owner, Super Mario Bros. Wonder has been a long time coming. The system has not seen a new 2D Mario title in its lifetime until this point, with only New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe jumping over to the system. Wonder looks to bring loads of creative twists to the formula we all know and love. Of course, this includes new powerups like the infamous Elephant Fruit. With such an exciting release coming soon, when can you preload Super Mario Bros. Wonder? Here’s everything you need to know.

When Can You Preload Super Mario Wonder?

Super Mario Bros. Wonder is now available to preload on the Nintendo Switch family of systems! This gives you an entire week to download the game prior to the release. Nintendo makes the Wonder preload easy, so you won’t have to do anything at all.

How to Preload Super Mario Bros. Wonder

To preload the game, you simply need to pre-order it from the Nintendo eShop. If you have it pre-ordered, it will automatically begin downloading as a preload when your Nintendo Switch is either on or in rest mode. So, you just need to make sure you have purchased the game from the eShop.

Super Mario Wonder Release Date

Super Mario Bros. Wonder is set to release on October 20, 2023. Additionally, the game is exclusive to the Nintendo Switch. Notably, Wonder has a total of twelve different playable characters, including Yoshi, Nabbit, Daisy, Toad, Toadette, and the regular cast of Mario characters. Overall, we can’t wait to get our hands on Super Mario Bros. Wonder and experience the wonder that awaits.

Spider-Man 2 PS5 Preload Guide: When Can You Play SM2?

Posted on by Noah Hunter

Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 release date is arguably one of the most anticipated titles of 2023. The game has plenty of people ecstatic to see Peter, Miles, and fan-favorite Spider-Man villains face off against each other. With so many excited to play, when can you preload Spider-Man 2 to your PlayStation 5?

SM2 is the sequel to 2018’s Marvel’s Spider-Man. In the title, Peter Parker took on Doc Ock, Mr. Negative, and plenty of other villains. It’s been a long five years, but we’ve never been more excited to jump into Insomniac’s incredible world. Here’s everything you need to know about preloads and the release date of SM2.

Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 How to Preload

The preload for SM2 is now unlocked! Boot up your PS5 now to get ready for the upcoming release. 

To preload, you must pre-order the game head to the game in your library and select download. This will then begin downloading the title to your PlayStation 5 console. We highly recommend that you preload the game, as it will take up a whopping 88GB of storage. Attempting to download this package at launch could take quite a while, so it is best to do it during the preload phase. 

Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 PS5 Release Time & Date

Spider-Man 2 will release on October 20 worldwide for PlayStation 5 exclusively. Below, we’ve compiled the times you can expect to launch into the game depending on your time zone and region.

October 20 @ 12 AM EDT

October 19 @ 11 PM CDT

October 19 @ 10 PM MDT

October 19 @ 9 PM PDT

Additionally, the game has not been announced for any other platforms at the moment, so this only applies to PlayStation 5. Though, a release of SM2 on PC down the line would make sense, with both Marvel’s Spider-Man and Miles Morales making their way to the platform last year.

So, that’s precisely when you can play Marvel’s Spider-Man 2! You can expect a grand adventure with both Peter and Miles, as you face off against Lizard, Kraven, and Venom. Plenty of surprises are surely in store, and we can’t wait to dive in on October 20. Looking for all the trophies available in the game? Check out our trophy list guide!

Phil Spencer Cancels Activision-Blizzard Deal After Playing Overwatch 2 For the First Time

Posted on by Parker Johnson

REDMOND, WA — Despite the prior announcement that the long-awaited deal between Microsoft Gaming and Activision-Blizzard King closed earlier today, Microsoft Gaming CEO Phil Spencer has announced the deal will no longer go through after playing Overwatch 2 for the first time.

“I didn’t get a chance to play the new installment, and just kind of assumed it would be the first game, but better,” Spencer said. “I couldn’t be more wrong. Why is it 5v5 now? Queuing for a tank takes so much longer. I just want to hook everyone as Roadhog like the good old days. Not to mention Logan and I can’t both play tank anymore. He’s going to get to do it because he’s better than me, too.”

After finding out even more about the game’s development, Spencer increasingly became more disappointed with missing features and modes that were promised, including the hotly-anticipated Overwatch 2 PvE Hero Mode.

“Oh, and now the single-player mode they kept telling us to wait for isn’t even coming? It’s just this event bullshit! Where’s the skill trees? The customization? This really should’ve been included in the due dilligence we did for the acquisition.”

Overwatch 2 Game Director Aaron Keller spoke about his new boss’s frustration with the latest installment in the franchise.

“Look, we weren’t really trying to make a good game with this one,” Keller said. “We just needed to find a way to transition to a more predatory business model. But now Phil keeps talking about ‘broken promises, missing features, putting the players first,’ and a bunch of other nerdy shit like that. This isn’t what I signed up for at all.”

At press time, Activision-Blizzard CEO Bobby Kotick declined to comment and was seemingly at his desk muttering something along the lines of “please never let me have consequences for my actions.”

Looney Tunes Characters Ranked by Their Utility as a Military Asset

Posted on by Sean Mullee

The Looney Tunes have long been used by the U.S. military as morale boosters in the form of aircraft nose art and squadron insignias. But if they were true patriots, these toons would be serving their country a lot more directly. With that in mind, please enjoy this ranking of which Looney Tunes characters would best serve the interests of the United States military.

#22. Playboy Penguin

He looks like something American GI’s would torture for fun in a Vietnam movie to give our hero a moral dilemma.

#21. Granny

I’ve never seen Granny survive an anvil to the head like most of the other characters on this list, and you want me to believe she’d survive artillery shelling?

#20. Lola Bunny

Lola is the only toon on this list that was created during the 90’s Looney Tunes renaissance. And as a child of the 90’s, she is fully undeceived by sponsored Army Twitch streamers and Marine Corps TikToks, so good luck getting her to serve.

#19. Beaky Buzzard

Just our luck, one of the few characters that can fly just happens to be a complete dope. Good luck getting any good surveillance intel out of this schmuck.

#18. Sylvester the Cat

If you can’t catch Tweety Bird, how the hell are you supposed to catch al-Qaeda?

#17. Barnyard Dog

This dog is most commonly shown failing to cross a line drawn on the ground. Indiscriminately blowing through borders is one of the main tenets of the U.S. military, so I think they might just be ideologically opposed.

#16. Marvin the Martian

This guy has spent thousands of years trying to destroy Earth and hasn’t made a dent, total fraud.

#15. Yosemite Sam

Sam has been depicted serving in many armed conflicts: the American Revolution, Civil War, and World War I. There’s no place in a blue-blooded military for hired guns, especially ones who routinely pick the losing side.

#14. Porky Pig

Imagine your platoon is under heavy fire from an ambush. Munitions are depleted, several men are lost, and your last hope for survival is you squad leader, who picks up the radio and says “We need ai-badidi-ai-badididi-ai-badidi-air support!”

#13. Speedy Gonzalez

Sure, no cat can outrun him, but a Hellfire missile damn well could.

#12. Slowpoke Rodriguez

Unlike his faster cousin, this mouse understands the importance of packing a gun.

#11. Elmer Fudd

Easily manipulated and able to operate a firearm, this is the exact kinda guy the Army hunts for at your high school career fair. You better believe he’s driving a Camaro off the lot with a 30% interest rate and Oakley sunglasses.

#10. Gossamer

I don’t know what he is, but I know he can kill.

#9. Tasmanian Devil

Taz has an insatiable hunger and jaws that can bite through just about anything, but his lack of self control makes him a liability on the front lines. They’d probably stick him in a black site and use him as an instrument of torture.

#8. Pepé Le Pew

Pepé is a walking chemical weapon, the use of which is considered a war crime *wink*

#7. Wile E. Coyote

He would fit in perfectly with whatever military squadron is responsible for wasting a bunch of taxpayer money on shit that doesn’t work. He’s approving those $1 trillion jets that can’t fly in a storm and licking his lips at all the roadrunner he’s gonna have for dinner.

#6. Foghorn Leghorn

Foghorn doesn’t seem like an active combat guy, but I think he’d really kill it as a Bob Hope, USO type. He’d airlift showgirls into war zones to make all the toons’ eyes spring out of their skulls and get awarded the Medal of Freedom.

#5. Tweety Bird

Tweety possesses an ideal level of blissful ignorance to the world around him that would make him the most deadly drone pilot the United States has ever seen.

#4. Bugs Bunny

An accomplished trickster, Bugs would run a serious misinformation PSYOP by dressing up as a beautiful woman and getting some poor, democratically elected, leader of a resource-rich nation to shoot himself in the face.

#3. Daffy Duck

For over 80 years, Daffy couldn’t sniff the top half of this list. That was until a 2012 episode of “The Looney Tunes Show” had him join a spec ops division of the U.S. Marine Corps and break Bugs out of an Albanian Prison (real). Plus, I’ve seen him take bullets to the face at point blank range and only suffer a repositioning of his bill.

#2. Cecil Turtle

At first glance he may not look that formidable, but Cecil is one of the few toons to ever outsmart Bugs Bunny. Get this geezer in a war room with one of those big glowing tables and he’d bring our boys home within six months.

#1. Roadrunner

I’ve seen this guy break the laws of physics hundreds of times – he’s going straight to Skunk Works.

Mother of Final Boss Reaffirms Vulnerability Is Just a Phase

Posted on by Walker MacDonald

Ving Thorr the Conqueror, final boss of the overnight roguelike hit Hell’s Kiss: Death Incarnate, had recently gone through a rather public, even blatantly visible, bout of insecurity, until his mother Mary Lou subtly reassured him that his vulnerability was just a temporary phase.

“I’ve just been going through a lot recently,” shared a dejected Ving Thorr after yet another crushing loss at the hands of a brave protagonist. “Ever since I took that promotion to Final Boss, it seems like every time I try to put myself out there, I just get beaten down again and again. I’m punished for just being me. Even when I try to change it up, y’know? Never good enough. Everything feels so cyclical.”

Mary Lou Thorr had shared further insight to the matter as only a mother could.

“Everybody in his position goes through a stage like this, and typically another stage, usually followed by a surprise final one, but it’s been especially rough on my Vingy.” said Thorr in a hushed tone. “The industry’s not like it used to be, the landscape has totally changed. Strategy guides, save states, summoning assists are a daily threat. And what do the bosses of the world have? Giant glowing eyeballs and limbs that leave men like Ving so vulnerable. Emotionally and literally, like he’s wide open to attacks for 15 second intervals. It’s shameful.”

Matthew Rainnie, co-developer and enemy relations manager of Hell’s Kiss, held a more bureaucratic view of the boss position in today’s climate.

“To shoot straight with you, the industry is a joke, it’s no secret,” he said. “Anybody worth their salt is over at Fromsoft just hammering kids day in day out like it’s nothing. These guys should feel lucky to have a job at all. Frankly, that might not even be a reality soon. Based on current projections, we’re looking at replacing them all with AI before the end of the decade. Something that can learn a player’s moves, and doesn’t need things like insurance, dental, or health care. It’s time we really put the computer in ‘computer player’.”

At press time, it was heard that Ving Thorr had stepped down from his position as final boss, and taken a more comfortable position as one of those ambient NPC models that just kind of linger in the background. “It’s definitely a downgrade. Less animations, less polygons, less pay,” he said.  “But hey, I’m happy. I finally feel like I can think outside the hitbox.”

‘I’m Somewhat Of A Gamer Now Myself,’ Says Mom Referring To New York Times Spelling Bee

Posted on by Jus Kaplan

WEYMOUTH, Mass. — Last week, local mother of two Stephanie Mendoza proudly informed her kids that she’s a gamer now that she regularly plays the New York Times Spelling Bee, according to local reports.

“I want to tell you boys something super exciting: I game now, just like you!” said Mendoza over dinner to her teenage sons. “It’s not Call of Battlefield or whatever you call that shooty game you two play with your friend Kayden, but it’s definitely a game! And guess what? Your mama is pretty darn good at it!”

Laynie Vaughn, a colleague of Mendoza’s, confirmed her claims of gaming prowess.

“Steph is hands down the best Spelling Bee player in our office. Every day our team does the puzzle during lunch and she always guesses the pangram way before anyone else,” said Vaughn. “She has been getting a bit carried away recently, though. Yesterday when our manager couldn’t make it past the ‘Solid’ rank, she laughed and said ‘Get good, noob’ in front of everyone. Then when she reached ‘Genius’ she stood up and shouted ‘G-G-E-Z’, whatever that means. It was kind of startling.”

Mendoza’s older son Edward, 16, says his mom’s new behavior has indeed become worrisome.

“I’ll admit, at first I thought it was pretty cool to have a gamer mom. She let us stay up and play COD until like 3 a.m., even on school nights.” he said, rubbing the bags under his eyes. “But she hasn’t done laundry or made dinner all week and I’m not sure she’s taken a shower either. And when my 11-year-old brother asked her for help with his English homework, she said no because it was a ‘skill issue.’ She told him to ‘grind harder’ and just went back to clicking letters. I wish my mom wasn’t sweaty at Spelling Bee.”

At press time, Mendoza was seen throwing her phone across the room after failing to figure out the New York Times Connections puzzle.