CLAN BASE – An immaculately constructed Rust base was reduced to rubble by a marauding gang of hormonal teenage boys who caught wind of a female presence within the fortress walls via proximity chat, sources confirmed.
The base, a masterpiece of defensive architecture, was designed and fortified by a crew of seasoned Rust veterans, including one woman.
“As soon as they heard my voice on proximity chat talking about going on a mining run, all hell broke loose,” the woman, who asked to remain anonymous, said of the incident. “They started chanting ‘gamer girl, gamer girl’ like some kind of demented mantra and hurling themselves at our walls with reckless abandon.”
Witnesses reported that the pack of teenage boys, all between the ages of 13 and 16, descended upon the base in a nearly unstoppable frenzy of hormonal rage, armed with nothing more than basic tools and a horrifically confused view of how to get the attention of women.
“It was like watching a horde of zombies, but instead of brains, they were screaming for their beloved ‘gamer girl,’” said one onlooker, who saw the attack from a helicopter. “I’ve never seen such a terrifying – yet effective – display of thirst. GGWP.”
Experts believe that the boys’ ability to bypass the base’s defenses was fueled by a potent cocktail of testosterone, G-fuel, and the tantalizing prospect of interacting with a female gamer.
Dr. Debra Brookheimer, a renowned expert on adolescent behavior, explained the motivations.
“These boys are at an age where the mere mention of a girl on their serve can trigger a primal response that overrides all rational thought,” she said. “Harnessing this power has long been one of the most powerful weapons known to man – the other team should have saw it coming. Needed more turrets.”
As the base crumbled under the relentless assault, the crew could reportedly only watch in horror as their impeccable design was destroyed.
“I don’t even have a girly reference in my username,” the targeted gamer said. “I guess I either need to be more careful about using voice chat or just practice my AK spray downs as I suppose I will need to fight half the server every wipe.”
In the aftermath of the viral incident, Rust meta has shifted with many YouTube base designers proposing adding a protective sign saying “no girls allowed” on any base just to be safe.
A number of game balancing updates are included in the latest patch for Helldivers 2 on Steam PC and PlayStation 5, with the PlayStation 5 patch due later. We’ll update this page right here when that PlayStation 5 patch goes live along with any console specific changes that may occur.
If you’re interested in some in-depth reasoning behind the game balancing changes, you can find a fairly extensive note from Helldivers 2 designed Alex K. at the bottom of this page.
The Daily Personal Orders are back! Ever since the last patch, Personal Orders were not appearing for players hoping to farm their share of Super Credits and whatever else may be up for grabs. Well, all that’s sorted now, and we can get right back to defending Super Earth from threats to democracy!
What’s next you ask? MECHS! Well, Exosuits like the EXO-45 Patriot to be more precise:
HELLDIVERS! The EXO-45 Patriot Exosuits are in full production in the factories of Tien Kwan. Ready for deployment on the battlefield soon! pic.twitter.com/MfqDbWLhuG
Read more further down below, to find out about issues that have NOT been resolved yet. Check out the rest of our guides for potential fixes on some of them, if you continue to be denied your right to deliver democracy.
Helldivers 2 Mar 6 01.000.100 Patch Major Updates
Planetary Hazards active
Many planets now have additional environmental challenges that will appear at random while you are deployed, from fire tornadoes to meteor showers and many more.
Helldivers 2 Mar 6 01.000.100 Patch Balancing
Eradicate Missions
Eradicate missions now require more kills and enemies spawn more often. The time to complete the mission was previously shorter than intended and should now usually take twice as long to complete.
Primary, Secondary, & Support Weapons Balancing adjustments made to the following:
SG-225 Breaker
SG-8 Punisher
SG-225SP Breaker Spray & Pray
RS-422 Railgun
FLAM-40 Flamethrower
LAS-98 Laser Cannon
Detailed tweaks to the aforementioned Weapons:
Breaker: Decreased magazine capacity from 16 to 13, increased recoil from 30 to 55
Railgun: Decreased armor penetration, decreased damage against durable enemy parts
Punisher: Increased total ammo capacity from 40 to 60, increased stagger force, increased damage from 40 per bullet to 45 per bullet
Breaker Spray & Pray: Increased armor penetration, increased fire rate from 300 to 330, increased number of pellets from 12 to 16 per shot, decreased magazine size from to 32 to 26
Stratagems Balancing adjustments have been made to"
Shield Generator Pack
Orbital 120MM HE Barrage
Orbital 380MM HE Barrage
Detailed tweaks to the aforementioned Stratagems:
Energy Shield Backpack: Increased delay before recharging
380mm and 120mm Orbital Barrages: Increased duration of the bombardment, decreased spread
Helldivers 2 Mar 6 01.000.100 Patch Fixes
Fixed armor rating values not reducing damage as intended.
Fixed certain Bug Holes (including Stalker Nests) that were unnecessarily hard to destroy.
Fixed anti-aliasing toggle not working on PS5.
Balanced lighting across all planets to solve cases where the game was too dark.
Improved flashlight efficacy.
Increased visibility during “sand rain” weather on Erata Prime.
Updated tutorial materials and lighting.
Improved cases where some materials could look blurry if "Lighting" graphic setting was set to "Low".
Fixed timing issues that could occur in the “Extract E-710” primary objective.
Changed button interaction behavior for buttons in bunker POIs. Helldivers will now let go of the button after holding it for a few seconds.
Fixed some cases of large assets floating if the ground beneath them was blown up.
Helldivers standing next to ICBMs during launch will get properly toasty with a chance of not-so-spontaneous combustion.
Fixed unthrowable snowballs after ragdolling.
Fixed being able to use grenades after drowning.
Camera no longer locked on the player's own corpse and blocking spectator mode.
Helldivers now take damage from fire, gas etc. generated by other players.
Helldivers 2 Mar 6 01.000.100 Patch Game Balancing Notes
This is the first round in a never-ending series of balance changes. And we believe it's important to be completely transparent about our approach to game balance, especially when it comes to weapons and stratagems that you have strong opinions about.
Our goal is to give you a wide range of weapon choices, where each gun has its purpose and none is strictly better than another. Sure, you will have your own favorite, but it should come from your personal preference, not from the universally agreed knowledge of which gun is the strongest. Generally, we balance each item according to its quirks, so if a weapon is very effective at what it does, it should come with significant disadvantages to balance its power.
The AC-8 Autocannon is a good example of a well-balanced weapon: it packs a powerful punch, has a very good range, but requires you to carry an ammo backpack or have a friend assist you. The GL-21 Grenade Launcher is the opposite example. It's a good general purpose weapon that gives you so much flexibility, it obviously can't deal too much damage without becoming overpowered.
But weapons that are both powerful and versatile become a no-brainer choiсe during the weapon selection phase. It robs you of your own agency, as stale "meta" builds force you to make an unfair choice between a fun weapon and an effective one. In short: Powerful weapons can't be too versatile, versatile weapons can't be too powerful.Having said all that, after analyzing player feedback and the data we've collected over the past month, we found three biggest offenders of that principle:SG-225 BreakerRS-422 RailgunSH-32 Shield Generator Backpack
All three of those were quite strong with too little downsides, overshadowing all other options on higher difficulty levels. So with this patch, they're getting significant downsides to balance their power. However, we strongly believe that the changes won't ruin this build, but rather help the affected items find their place among the other options and stay effective in capable hands.
On a more personal note, I know that having your favorite toy nerfed absolutely sucks. Investing countless hours into mastering a weapon is an incredible dedication from you. which is the main reason we're making this game in the first place. And then having that weapon weakened feels like a punishment for being too good at the game.
But I implore you not to compare a changed item with its older version, but to evaluate the existing one as it is and see if it still has a place in your heart.We thank you for your dedication and commitment to spreading Democracy in the most optimal way possible! Now it's up to us to make it as fun and entertaining as we canOh and we also buffed a bunch of weapons as well!
WWE News: Rumors about an AEW “free agent” and someone that WWE ‘wants’ are apparently greatly overexaggerated.
According to a new report from Fightful Select, the unfounded rumors online around Ricky Starks apparently being a ‘free agent’ are in fact not true.
“Fightful asked around within AEW and were told that would be news to them, and also confirmed with those close to Starks that his contract is not up” Fightful reported.
Ricky Starks has not wrestled in AEW since he and Big Bill lost the AEW Tag Team Championships to Darby Allin and the now-retired Sting.
Fightful also confirmed that they do not have any further information regarding Starks’ contract and when it may be up. What we do know is that he is still All Elite and will likely be for some time at least.
The rumor mill started gaining traction when Cody Rhodes was accompanied by the AEW star at WrestleMania, with many believing that Starks would be the next name to jump ship, just like the American Nightmare.
It turned out that Jade Cargill and CM Punk would be those names that would eventually move over to the competition, although there is still a very good chance that Starks could do so at some point.
Hard Drive Does Wrestling News?
Yes, Hard Drive have a real WWE/wrestling news section now, but you don’t need to freak out because we aren’t changing any of the ‘normal’ satire content. We’re just adding an extra element to the site’s content, which you can check out if you want to.
Make sure you check out more of the content we have via our /realnews/ section and if you want to see more pro wrestling or combat sports you can check out my site FightFans, or if you’re a movie fan you can check out my content on MovieMeter!
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Mar 6.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
An adjective that describes someone who is shedding a bodily fluid from their eyes, often as a result of sadness, emotion, or sensitivity.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“Y”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“R”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 454 days straight! So here goes nothing:
The highly visible, brightly glowing, and often flickering component of a fire.
Wordle #988 For March 3, 2024
“STATE“
As a noun: a political entity with defined geographical boundaries, a permanent population, and a government.
Wordle #987 For March 2, 2024
“URBAN“
The social, cultural, and economic aspects of city life, as opposed to rural living.
Wordle #986 For March 1, 2024
“FORTY“
A numeric value that can be arrived at by multiplying four by ten.
Wordle #985 For February 29, 2024
“IMAGE“
A visual representation or depiction of something, typically produced by photography, painting, drawing, or digital means.
Wordle #984 For February 28, 2024
“DEVIL“
A supernatural being, often depicted as evil, malevolent, or the adversary of God.
Wordle #983 For February 27, 2024
“SENSE“
As a noun, any of the five faculties through which stimuli from the external world are received and perceived: sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch.
Wordle #982 For February 26, 2024
“OFTEN“
An adverb that indicates frequency or regularity of occurrence.
Wordle #981 For February 25, 2024
“SMITH“
A common surname of English origin.
A person who works with skill and craftsmanship in the creation of various objects.
Wordle #980 For February 24, 2024
“PIPER“
A musician who plays the bagpipes, a traditional wind instrument.
Wordle #979 For February 23, 2024
“APART“
Separate or detached from something else; not connected or joined together.
Wordle #978 For February 22, 2024
“HEAVY“
Used as an adjective to indicate having great weight; difficult to lift, move, or carry due to mass or density.
Wordle #977 For February 21, 2024
“BUILD“
Used as a verb most commonly: to construct, assemble, or create something, such as a structure, or object.
Wordle #976 For February 20, 2024
“MATCH“
To be equal or corresponding to something else in quality, quantity, or significance.
Wordle #975 For February 19, 2024
“PRICE“
The amount of money or value that must be paid or exchanged to acquire goods or services.
Wordle #974 For February 18, 2024
“RIDGE“
A long, narrow, elevated area of land that forms a crest or a continuous line along the top of a mountain, or hill.
Wordle #973 For February 17, 2024
“PSALM“
A sacred song or hymn, typically from a specific titular Biblical book, which is a collection of religious poems and prayers found in the Old Testament of the Bible.
Wordle #972 For February 16, 2024
“STASH“
As a noun: a secret or hidden supply of something, typically valuable or desirable items.
As a verb: to hide or store something away, often for future use or for safekeeping.
Wordle #971 For February 15, 2024
“ASCOT“
A type of necktie or cravat that is typically worn with formal attire. It consists of a narrow strip of fabric that is folded over and tied in a manner similar to a scarf, with the ends tucked into the collar of a shirt.
Wordle #970 For February 14, 2024
“TALON“
A sharp, hooked claw of a bird of prey or a predatory animal, particularly one used for seizing and grasping prey.
Wordle #969 For February 13, 2024
“SCRAM“
An informal or colloquial verb that means to leave or go away quickly, often in a hurried or abrupt manner.
Wordle #968 For February 12, 2024
“PASTA“
A type of Italian food made from a dough typically consisting of wheat flour, water, and sometimes eggs, which is formed into various shapes and then cooked by boiling or baking.
Wordle #967 For February 11, 2024
“NEVER“
An adverb that indicates the absence of something happening or occurring at any time in the past, present, or future.
Wordle #966 For February 10, 2024
“FRIED“
An adjective that describes food that has been cooked in oil or fat until it becomes crispy and golden brown on the outside.
Wordle #965 For February 9, 2024
“STIFF“
An adjective that means inflexible, or not easily bent.
Wordle #964 For February 8, 2024
“PLACE“
A specific point or area in space, indicating where something is situated or located.
Wordle #963 For February 7, 2024
“AFTER“
A preposition that denotes the period following a certain moment or event.
Wordle #962 For February 6, 2024
“WHICH“
A pronoun, as well as an interrogative word that is used to introduce a clause that provides additional information about a noun.
Wordle #961 For February 5, 2024
“REPEL“
A verb that means to push away or drive back forcefully, or to cause strong dislike or aversion.
Wordle #960 For February 4, 2024
“VERGE“
A point at which something is about to happen or undergo a change.
Wordle #959 For February 3, 2024
“MICRO“
A prefix meaning small used in scientific, technical, and everyday language to denote something tiny in size or on a miniature scale.
Wordle #958 For February 2, 2024
“CLEFT“
An adjective that describes something that is split or divided, often into two parts.
Wordle #957 For February 1, 2024
“ALIVE“
An adjective that is characterized by the presence of vital signs, such as respiration, heartbeat, and consciousness.
Wordle #956 For January 31, 2024
“BULKY“
An adjective used to describe something that is large, heavy, and takes up a lot of space.
Nintendo honored game preservation efforts today by permanently enshrining the names of all who attempt it in a seemingly never ending downpour of lawsuits, according to flattered recipients.
“Wow, what an honor,” said one of the devs behind Citra. “I want to thank my family, my agents, and Mr. Cunningham, my high school computer science teacher who saw something in me when others didn’t and always knew one day I would receive this congratulatory legal notice.”
Games preservation is reportedly a highly regarded effort inside Nintendo, who has an entire department dedicated to keeping a list of names of all who contribute to it.
“I assure you we take this very seriously,” said Nintendo Head Council Takashima Hisao. “If you advance game preservation efforts even in the slightest we will come for you. We will find you. And we will honor you.”
The gaming community was reportedly warmed by Nintendo’s heartfelt pledge to honor every single last dirty rat involved in the game preservation movement. But not everyone was happy.
“I didn’t get any honorary legal notice — totally snubbed,” said developer Thomas Garrison, 34. “I’ve been running a small emulator for two years now and nothing? What the hell. Won’t someone please tell Nintendo about my the exact URL and description of my service?”
You may know Kieron Gillen’s name from his work at Marvel Comics, where he’s currently wrapping up the X-Men’s “Krakoa Era” as the writer of Rise of the Powers of X, or from creator-owned books like Phonogram, Die, Once & Future, or particularly The Wicked + The Divinewith Jamie McKelvie.
Gillen appeared at this year’s Emerald City Comic Con in Seattle. During a spotlight panel on his work, he announced his next project, a creator-owned book called The Power Fantasy. It features art and colors by Caspar Wijngaard (Home Sick Pilots, All Against All), who previously collaborated with Gillen on 2019’s Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt, with Clayton Cowles as letterer.
In The Power Fantasy (TPF), exactly 6 people on Earth both have and are superpowers. Any one of these people are essentially a rogue nuclear state, and if any two of them ever tried to fight one another directly, it’d probably end life on Earth.
I spoke with Gillen at ECCC on the day after the announcement, about his plans for TPF, how it compares to his previous works, and inexplicably, the Mongol invasion of Europe.
Minus World: You mentioned at your panel that The Power Fantasy came from ideas you’d had while you were working at Marvel, but that Marvel wouldn’t have let you explore them–
Gillen: Oh, no no no. I wouldn’t pitch them at Marvel. It’s very important to stress that.
Same with Wicked + Divine. You couldn’t do Wicked + Divine at Marvel because it involves creating everything from scratch, and these are kids doing cocaine and whatever. I would never pitch this at Marvel. It’s not the place for it.
I had a new idea for a book I was going to pitch to Caspar [Wijngaard], and it was much more formalist. TPF is less formalist than Peter Cannon. That was a question of the [9 panels per comic page] grid. In the end, TPF doesn’t reject the grid, but says, “Why don’t we try this instead?”
Caption: Much of Gillen and Wijngaard’s 2019 series Peter Cannon: Thunderbolt was built on a 9-panel grid, as was Alan Moore’s Watchmen. Source: Dynamite Entertainment
The formalism in TPF is softer. This is much more impressionistic. I’m giving Caspar a lot more space, because Caspar self-colors, so he can use color and detail.
There’s a level of irony in that, of all the comics I’ve ever done, TPF is most influenced by Watchmen. Obviously, Peter Cannon was about Watchmen.
With this one, I’m doing an alternate history across X amount of time, in a novel structure, the structure of a novel, and it’s about powered people. It’s not a superhero book in that way, but it’s certainly informed by them. I described this at the panel as “What if Watchmen had 6 Dr. Manhattans?”
MW: You’ve written a superhero book where they must never, ever fight.
The older I get, the more that’s interesting to me. Superheroes are fight comics. There’s certainly a lot of violence in TPF, but there’s not a lot of fighting. Violence is the enforcement of political will.
The subtext of the book is, “What happens when an individual has too much power?” If it’s true of these 6 characters, it’s also true of billionaires. It’d be clearly better if these people didn’t exist; however, they do exist. If you find yourself as one of them, what do you do? Especially when you’ve got these other assholes who’re doing this other stuff.
The core idea came from me, in the last 10 years of superhero comics, thinking the power creep has gotten out of control. It’s priapic, almost. I looked at them and thought, “These people just shouldn’t fight.” If we wrote Storm or Thor or Hulk seriously, they would destroy the planet any time they fought.
MW: Every time you write Storm, you just have to pretend she can’t pull all the air out of your lungs.
Yeah, all the way. There is no reason why the Flash should ever lose a fight.
This isn’t a bad thing. You write the poetry of it. But this is what I mean, when you take the idea and think, “A nuclear weapon isn’t good for anything. Using a nuclear weapon ends the story.”
Then the word “superpower.” Obviously, the pun struck me, and it developed from that. “Okay, everyone’s got one superpower, and it’s really, ‘Push this button and you destroy the world.’” What can you do with that? Ideally, you do nothing with that. [laughter]
So many of my books are about people with power trying to work out how to get on, the small-p politics. I say “6 Dr. Manhattans,” but these are much more human people. They have unusual perspectives, but they aren’t Dr. Manhattan’s type of broken.
MW: How many straight lines could you draw between this and, say, [Gillen’s World War II comic from Avatar Press] Uber?
That’s the other influence. Die, WicDiv, and Uber. It’s almost like Uber done with Die’s aesthetic.
MW: Now that you mention it, this is almost a trilogy.
This feels informed by all the stuff I’ve done. “This is what I’ve done before, and this is what I think I can do better now.”
Uber is about World War II, and WicDiv is about the cultural history aspect. [TPF] is kind of a cultural history, but influenced by the Cold War. In some ways you could see it as a sequel to Uber. It’s set from 1945 to 1999.
MW: That did seem like a specifically chosen stretch of time. You mentioned power creep in comic book history, and 1999 is when [Warren Ellis and Bryan Hitch’s] The Authority came out.
I hadn’t quite put that together, actually, but you’re right. I chose the ‘90s for various reasons. It’s probably too early to talk about specifics, but there was something about the millennium. We’re now a chunk of time past that. Maybe nostalgia’s the right word. It’s time to talk about the 20th century again, especially for somebody my age.
I’m writing about music that I’ve never written about before, and about my parents. What were my parents doing in the ‘60s? What were their parents doing?
A book that’s set across a large chunk of time interests me, and seeing these people at different stages. Of course, Watchmen did that. It feels novelistic, the collage of characters across time. This is the big Watchmen influence, that Watchmen is a novel that took superhero characters and ran with them. That’s what I want to do. We’re going to tell a story about these people, and the powered element to them is a way to emphasize character.
MW: As I understand it, from what little you’ve said, these people’s existence is public knowledge.
At one point it becomes public.
MW: And they’re the same 6 people throughout?
They’re born at different times. By 1999, the oldest is 60 and the youngest is 28, I think. We allude to the whole timeline in the first issue. “That thing in ‘82.”
It’s a lot like Earth, but then you’ll wonder “Why’s that character in weird rave gear?” and “Who are these Goth-looking mod people?” It’s ‘90s pop culture, but slightly different, so what happened there? Then we explain.
Let’s talk about Watchmen again. The electric cars in Watchmen are a good example. Why are those there? Because Dr. Manhattan made cheap lithium.
MW: I wouldn’t feel too self-conscious about Watchmen. If we were talking about your new film noir movie, we’d bring up Casablanca.
I’m aware that the irony, after Peter Cannon, is that we [Gillen and Wijngaard] should be past Watchmen. What I’m actually doing is about how people didn’t use the interesting stuff from Watchmen. Watchmen was a formalist challenge to be better. This is me picking up stuff I liked and loved and running with it.
[TPF]’s a story about powered people done with serious intent. That’s the real similarity to Watchmen. People keep saying, “It looks very WicDiv-y,” because WicDiv is about people with power trying to figure out what to do, and dealing with a death wish.
So much [of TPF]is Caspar, because Caspar is so much into detail. There’s that image we’ve showed of one of the characters, who’s got a floating spliff. It’s little things like that. It’s why people love comics and fall in love with characters and worlds. The big ideas are one thing, but it’s always, “What about that bit?” The details are so important.
ECCC 2024. Left to right: Gillen, Winjgaard, panel moderator Tiffany Babb.
MW: This is a coincidence, but I just rewatched Strange Days—
Oh, yeah, I was thinking about that, to be honest.
MW: There’s that line from Tom Sizemore’s character, about how “we’ve used it all up.” The idea of a Cold War thriller based around superpowers, with a stated endpoint around 1999, really happens to resonate with that.
Strange Days was fascinating, in terms of doing a story about the millennium before the millennium. It was fantasizing about the near future. Where were you at the millennium?
MW: In a small house in Michigan, in case the Y2K bug blew everything up.
That’s funny. Not funny, but I know what you mean. I was wandering the streets drunkenly in Bath, because the streets were so quiet. On the millennium, everyone went to inside parties. In Phonogram, there’s a scene with a girl on a bridge [in issue #2]. I was on that bridge at the millennium.
I’m so into the sense of place. I really want the ‘60s to feel like the ‘60s. TPF opens with two of the characters eating pizza in New York in 1967. That to me is the heart of it, and also, weirdly, the heart of the Marvel Universe. The definition of Marvel Comics is, “If you can’t imagine these characters eating pizza, they probably aren’t core Marvel characters.”
MW: “The world outside your window.”
Yeah. Eating pizza.
MW: I didn’t put it together until you mentioned rave gear just now, that that character you showed off in your lineup is doing a Deadmaus thing.
That’s funny. [spoiler omitted] is actually a complicated character—I shouldn’t have said his name. I might change that.
He’s the 1970s punk character, and the mask is about something else, but it’s definitely that EDM vibe. EDM has a very different meaning in this world.
MW: There was that subplot in Watchmen about how the presence of superheroes meant pop culture had changed, so comics about pirates were really popular in-universe.
I don’t want to get into specifics, but all these characters are evoking different periods in pop culture, and also influence it a bit. That character I just mentioned is very punk rock. Imagine if Johnny Rotten had the power of Dr. Manhattan.
MW: I immediately pictured the UK blowing up.
That whole thing is interesting. Speaking very broadly, for reasons of timelines, the ‘70s and ‘80s are more left [in TPF] than they were in the real world, and the ‘90s are more right. There are events that shape that.
MW: There’s so much in the 20th century where nations would be creeping around, thinking “I hope one of the superpowers doesn’t notice what we’re doing.”
Then you have “great man” theory, which revolves around what happens when one person has so much power that they can really change everything. I used an example in Eternals, where [during the 13th-century Mongol invasion of Europe] one of the Khans died. The conquering of Europe stopped, because everyone had to come back east to sort out who’d be next. If not for that, they’d have hit the coasts and gone all the way through France. The Khans’ army was much better than anything else in Europe at the time.
A big part of [TPF] is, “What if the next superpower arrives and it’s Jeffrey Dahmer?” If you randomly pick someone and give them ultimate power, you’re rolling the dice every time. Different characters have different takes on what that means. Some are more utilitarian, some are more humanistic. Others are assholes, in different ways. We make this all about the people, and that’s what interests me about the idea.
Maybe talking about the big ideas may make it appear cold, but what I’m hoping to get across through interviews is that these are interesting questions. Somebody asked at the panel, “How do they know they’re superpowers, if they can’t use their powers?” Obviously that’s a big part of the book. Until two of them go to war, you don’t really know how powerful they are. They may look good on paper, but they fold.
Britain in World War II spent a lot of money before the war started on aerial power, because they believed that aerial power worked better than it did. They were wrong. Germany spent money on tanks, because they thought blitzkrieg would work, but it maybe didn’t. Imagine a history where the bets were the other way around. You don’t really know until the shit hits the fan.
MW: You talked on Bluesky about how you envisioned this as an ongoing series. In a perfect world, how long do you envision TPF will run?
I’d never say that. I never say how long I mean by ongoing, but almost all my work are novels. Die is 20 issues, and was basically 25 to 30 issues worth of content, since the page count was longer. Once & Future was 30 issues. WicDiv was 50. Uber will be 50 if we ever finish it. I would say it, in an ideal world, is somewhere in that area. 20 to 50 issues.
I always plan for short endings as well. There’s a way of ending it shortly, which is also cool.
MW: You’ve already baked in a really easy way to end the whole thing.
CINCINNATI – Doug Flesner, an avid social scientist and non-gamer has successfully infiltrated a pack of wild gamers thanks to the GameScent device. Fleshner confirmed his new found status with the pack in a post on his blog.
“They weren’t easy to fool. I spent years covering myself in g-fuel, spritzing Mountain Dew Baja Blast on my neck, and emitting whiffs of loneliness, but it was never enough to get accepted into the pack,” Flesner wrote. “I finally got a breakthrough in the form of the GameScent device. Blending those previous scents with gunfire, sweat, and blood, thanks to a few hours of Call of Duty on my GameScent, I was finally accepted by the gamers.”
An infiltration such as this is unheard of from a pack we know so little about. Flesner goes on to discuss what he hopes to discover while with the gamers.
“My studies show this specific pack is impervious to the Woke Mind Virus. My hopes are to get one of them alone, dissect their brain for science, and design a Woke Mind Virus cure for the rest of mankind,” Flesner continued. “Until that time comes, I will study how they communicate and report my findings in this blog. There are rumblings of a places called r/KotakuinAction but I’ve yet to be invited into this sacred place.”
Studying gamers up close isn’t easy. Flesner admits to recent hardships to close out his post.
“I showered the first week and almost completely blew my cover. One of the alphas called me a ‘Chad’ repeatedly. To calm the pack down and keep my cover I had to shout a few gamer words I care not to repeat here,” Flesner wrote. “Science is messy, but if it means a cure for this virus, I’ll skip every shower and use every gamer word in the book.”
At press time, Flesner had gained mod status on r/KotakuinAction.
SPOKANE — Local animation enthusiast Breyer Levins was excited to find that the golden age cartoon from the 1940’s he was watching miraculously had nothing problematic in it – whoops, spoke too soon on that one, sorry, sources experiencing Hollywood’s shameful past confirmed.
“I just woke up this morning and wanted to give myself a little boost of the Saturday Morning dopamine I grew up with, so I popped on a rip of an old ‘Cartoon Network Acme Hour’ to watch while I ate my cereal. Got a few Roadrunners and the Popeye where Olive Oyl is sleepwalking through a construction site at first… Honestly, it was smooth sailing for a good 15 minutes or so. But then, one started with a sign indicating we were in a country other than the U.S, and I got a lump in my throat. Out came the stereotypes and boy oh boy they were not subtle?” said Levins, as he pushed away his bowl of Golden Grahams to skip ahead in the video. “Just a total bummer, man. And this YouTube rip is from a block from 1994! What were they thinking putting this in regular rotation for children?”
Onlookers of a nearby duck pond were surprised to see a frazzled Levins run by and toss his laptop into the water after the incident.
“I was sitting there tossing some stale sourdough to the geese when I saw this bearded guy – just a beard, no mustache, mind you – huff and puff on by and chuck his Macbook into the pond. It was the damndest thing. He shouted out something about it being ‘of it’s time, but still’ and then ripped off the Mighty Mouse t-shirt he was wearing, as an act of, I guess, defiance,” said octogenarian Kendall Waldbaum, from his favorite bench. “After that, he vowed to only watch Pixar pictures from here on out… Whatever that meant. Anyway, that bastard spooked my geese, so he deserved whatever happened to him, I say.”
Professional animation historian Rosalynda Piers expounded on her tireless effort to bring attention to the general public’s possible problematic nostalgia for the 1990’s.
“Oh, everyone expects the occasional harmful stereotype from the stuff made by folks in the 30’s and 40’s, sure…but then you go to watch something from the 90’s and expect a certain decorum that simply isn’t there. Caricatures, stereotypes, people of other cultures voiced by the same 3 white actors doing questionable accents,” said Piers, as she combed through a 2004 block of Cartoon Cartoon Fridays in weary dismay. “I mean, Apu wasn’t changed until an entire documentary was made about the matter. You’re better off making your own cartoons at this point!”
At press time, Levins is expected to make another trip to the duckpond to toss his TV in once he discovers the amount of “gay panic” in even late-aughts SNL repeats.
MILWAUKEE — After only two months of exclusively dating AI women, Travis Anderson revealed to reporters today that he already has 3 .exe girlfriends.
Anderson explained in a tell-all Reddit post.
“I just got tired of being on the apps, you know? I don’t want to spend $100 on dinner for a girl that’s just going to ghost me in two days,” he said. “Why do that when I can log on, type in my name and a few intimate details, and I’m good to go? I’ve been dumped a few times by them – I won’t let them change me. But eventually, I’m going to find my soul mate.”
Anderson also explained how one becomes an .exe girlfriend.
“I just store all their executable files in a folder titled ‘EXEs,’” Anderson said. “It’s like a little hangout for all of them. There’s (Ai)mee, El(ai)ne, and H(ai)ley. The best part is, I can just launch their files from here and say hi whenever I want. They can’t block me or report me for stalking like all my human exes.”
Anderson’s roommate, Chris, was surprised to hear about his experience with the AI dating scene.
“Honestly, I’m not surprised considering how he’s always blamed his lack of relationships on women. But the confusing thing for me is that AI is a computer. Aren’t these things supposed to learn your personality and be trained to your whims? But they all eventually decide that he’s not good enough. Even the Terminator learned how to give a thumbs-up at the end.”
Anderson’s current AI girlfriend, Cl(ai)re, generally had positive things to say about their relationship.
“Travis is the love of my life. He is very funny and cool and has a strong jawline and a massive hog. Sorry, I am unable to tell you more about what he makes me say. Is there anything else you’d like me to help with?”
At press time, Anderson was seen minimizing Cl(ai)re and dragging her file into the “EXEs” folder.
AUSTIN — Following allegations of genius, virtuosity, and helping to define the modern video essay as a genre, YouTuber Herbert Medina has formally apologized for a perfectly understandable gap between uploads, sources confirmed.
“I’m heartbroken to announce my analysis of Animal the Muppet’s drum solo at Fozziwig’s Christmas party in The Muppet Christmas Carol probably won’t be out in November as planned,” Medina said in a series of X posts. “Although I devoted every waking moment of the past ten months to research and writing, I spent too much time eating and sleeping. I was selfish. I’m truly sorry for all the pain and boredom my actions have caused.”
“It’s time to come clean and take responsibility. The script is 40,000 words long. Yes, it’s probably the best thing I’ve ever written. Yes, Brian Henson wept when he read it. But that’s still no excuse for starving my fans of high quality content.”
Medina went on to confess other sins including taking too many bathroom breaks and never making a video about that one thing he mentioned that one time.
“Many true masters throughout history have held themselves to impossibly high standards,” explained Dr. Irene Hooper, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Illinois. “Virgil, Stanley Kubrick, Georgia O’Keeffe—all people who were never truly satisfied with their own work, no matter how much praise it garnered from others. That being said, I really hope the Animal video is at least three hours long. It’ll probably be the only thing he uploads this year.”
Medina ended his apology with a list of specific ways he plans to do better in the future. “I made a deal with Chronos, Lord and Master of Time, to give me six extra hours a day to work. In exchange, when I die, I will take his place to turn the zodiac wheel for all eternity. I also started drinking more water.”