Octopath Traveler 2 is launching on February 23, and fans may be wondering about the game’s cast of voice actors. As is standard for classic JRPG games, the voices can convey so much about a character before they even appear on the screen. Here are the voice actors cast for Octopath Traveler 2, for all eight playable characters in the game.
Starting in the order to spell Octopath…
Octopath 2 Cast: Ochette (Suzie Yeung)
Starting with the first of two characters starting with the letter O, Suzie Yeung voices Ochette, the hunter from the isle of Toto’Hana looking for help from an upcoming calamity.
Fans might recognize her as the voice of Eula from Genshin Impact, Lei and Akira from the Live A Live remake in 2022 and Yuffie from Final Fantasy VII Remake: Intergrade. Outside of gaming, she’s known mostly for the English dub of Makima from Chainsaw Man, as well as a lot of other roles in gaming, TV shows and movies.
Castti (Sarah Wiedenheft)
For the second character in the list, Sarah Wiedeheft voices Castti Florenz, an apothecary with amnesia looking to find her away after being set adrift at sea.
Fans might recognize Sarah from TV shows more than games, with her most notable credits as the English dub of Power from Chainsaw Man and Tohru from Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid. She also voiced Faye Jaeger in the English dub of Attack on Titan back in 2014.
For the third character out of eight, Jordan Dash Cruz voices Temenos Mistral, a cleric looking to keep the peace after a mysterious murder.
Fans might recognize him as Felix from Eternal Return, as well as Taketo Aida from the English dub of Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Maid. On top of that, he voices some creatures from the popular game SMITE.
Osvald (Alejandro Saab)
Next up is Alejandro Saab, who voices Osvald V. Vanstein, a scholar whose family died to a former colleague and was framed for their murder.
Fans might recognize him as Yuri from Fire Emblem: Three Houses and Three Hopes or as Izumi Miyamura from the English dub of Horimiya.
Partito (Jas Patrick)
Next on the list is Jas Patrick, who voices Partitio Yellowil, a merchant with the goal to end poverty around the world.
Fans might recognize him as Thunder McQueen from the English dub of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure.
The sixth character available to play, Xanthe Huynh voices Agnea Bristarni, a small-town tavern dancer looking to match the glory her mom achieved.
Fans might recognize her as Haru Okumura from Persona 5 and its spinoff games, Marianne from Fire Emblem: Three Houses and Ui Hirasawa from the English dub of K-ON!!.
Throné (Erica Mendez)
The penultimate character in this list, Erica Mendez voices Throné Anguis, a woman raised in the Thieves Guild looking to get out of it through any means necessary.
Fans might recognize her as Bernadetta from Fire Emblem: Three Houses, Ryuko Matoi from the English dub of Kill La Kill and Gon Freecs from the 2011 English dub of Hunter x Hunter. She also voices Sailor Uranus and Reika Nishimura from the 2000 Sailor Moon S TV show and Megumin in the English dub of Konosuba.
Hikari Ku (Howard Wang)
Last but not least, we have Howard Wang voicing Hikari Ku, a young prince cast off from his land after betrayal, looking for known and unknown allies.
Fans might recognize him as Narciso Anasui from the English dub of JoJo’s Bizzare Adventure and Langa Hasegawa from the English dub of SK8 the Infinity. He also voices Falkner in the Pokémon Masters mobile game and Pelleas in the Fire Emblem heroes mobile game.
Atomic Heart is a game with a lot of variety whether it comes to the enemies, player abilities, or mechanics. Unfortunately, not all of the mechanics are explained well and the usage of cartridges is one of them. Using these cartridges will help you deal with many of the tougher enemies that you’ll encounter throughout the game. Here’s everything you need to know about how to use cartridges in Atomic Heart, as well as a unique shortcut for PC players.
What Are Cartridges?
Cartridges are items that can be equipped with a weapon to give them an elemental buff. They come in three types: fire, electric, and ice. Some enemies have specific vulnerabilities to specific elements, so making use of these is sure to come in handy against the robots and monsters that stand in your way.
Where to Find Cartridges in Atomic Heart
Cartridges must be crafted at a NORA unit, but you’ll need their Cartridge Blueprints before you can do so. Much of the loot found in chests is randomized and to an extent, that seems true for blueprints as well. A couple of the cartridge locations were in different chests than what I’d seen for other players for example. Thankfully, the general area is still the same so I’d simply suggest that you’re extra thorough and use your scanner as much as you can.
Fire Cartridge Blueprint Location – In the Vavilov Complex: Seed Bank area, near the upper levels with the zipline.
Ice Cartridge Blueprint Location – In the Hot Workshop Area.
Electric Cartridge Blueprint Location – In a breakroom near the Algae Workshop.
How to Use Cartridges – Atomic Heart
Finding the blueprints is only half the battle. As soon as you’ve found one, you can go to a NORA unit and craft a cartridge. The required resources aren’t too expensive, so you should be able to craft a bunch if you wanted to. Once you’ve crafted your first one, a tip will pop up to explain Cartridge Slots. It’s the bare minimum of information necessary and it might feel confusing as you look over the different “cartridge” terms, which is why we’re outlining it further.
A majority of the weapons you find can be equipped with a cartridge, including the melee ones. Those weapons will require a specific upgrade to unlock a Cartridge Slot though. Head to the weapon upgrade screen at a NORA unit, go to the Cartridge Gun tab, and install the Cartridge Module upgrade beneath it. You only need to install the basic level to unlock a slot.
Now that you have a crafted Cartridge and a slot to put it in, it’s time to equip it. To equip cartridges in Atomic Heart, make sure you’re carrying the weapon you unlocked the slot for, and open the weapon wheel by holding X/Square/TAB. Move your analog stick or mouse to the bottom of the wheel where the hexagon symbol is.
Select it to open up a new wheel that shows the cartridges you have on hand. Release the weapon wheel button while hovering over the one you want or select it to equip it. A hexagon with the cartridge element you chose will now appear in the weapon wheel as well as in the bottom right corner underneath your ammo count.
How to Access the Cartridge Menu on PC
The controls between the console and PC versions are mostly retained, but the latter does have a unique advantage. Those playing on a keyboard and mouse should notice a middle-click icon next to the cartridge type in the bottom right.
Pressing the middle click button on your mouse will bring up a scrolling Cartridge Menu. Instead of fumbling through the weapon wheel, you can quickly scroll through all of the cartridges you have and equip what you need while you’re on the move. The only issue with this is that it doesn’t show whether a specific cartridge is in use the way the weapon wheel does. It’s easy to take a cartridge away from another weapon and apply it to the current one without knowing. Still, this is a much more handy method than relying on the weapon wheel.
Just like the 3DS before it, the Nintendo Switch is home to many of this generation’s best RPGs. From some of Nintendo’s own in-house teams, to indies and partners like Square Enix, there have been some truly great RPGs on this handheld-home console hybrid. Not only are new bangers in this genre being published to Switch, but old classics are ported as well, making the Switch a true haven for the RPG genre. Here are 6 of the best RPGs that you can get on the Nintendo Switch, as of 2023.
Citizen Sleeper
One of my favorite games of the past year, Citizen Sleeper offers a bit of a different roleplaying experience than the other games on this list. Instead of being a JRPG or featuring any sort of action, Citizen Sleeper functions more like a tabletop RPG. Using dice rolls to fuel your actions, you explore a space station full of incredibly compelling characters. You get to know a bounty hunter forced to hunt you down, a man running a mushroom stall, and a father and daughter just trying to make some money.
All of these characters have their own motivations, and it’s hard to know who to trust. Each character, though, offers their own compelling story. While the game does have some time-sensitive deadlines, it’s usually manageable enough to be able to see nearly everything the game has to offer (though making some mistakes is likely in your first playthrough). It’s also relatively short (I finished one playthrough in around 8 hours, and HowLongToBeat puts it at 6), making it a perfect RPG for a weekend, road trip, or long flight.
Yeah, this is kind of cheating, but the longer I thought about it, the more it seemed impossible to include just a single Final Fantasy game on this list. The franchise that made the RPG genre what it is, Final Fantasy has had a ton of influence on the industry. It shows in their retro games that are ported to Switch, of which there are plenty to keep you busy. The list includes:
Final Fantasy VII
Final Fantasy VIII
Final Fantasy IX
Final Fantasy X/X-2
Final Fantasy XII
In addition to those existing ones, the Pixel Remasters of 1-6 are coming this spring. These games are something every RPG fan needs to experience if they haven’t already. If you’re looking for a good jumping on point, I’d recommend starting with the Final Fantasy X/X-2 remaster. It features the more classic gameplay the series is known for, with a unique upgrade system and cutscenes that look great in the remastered collection.
Fire Emblem: Three Houses released in 2018 and was the first main series game in the franchise released on the Switch, preceding 2023’s Fire Emblem Engage. While some have grown to prefer Engage due to its deeper, more complex tactical combat maps and systems, I believe that Three Houses is still the better experience, mostly due to its far better main story and characters.
Three Houses pushed Fire Emblem and perhaps even Nintendo’s storytelling further than it’s gone before, offering four unique storylines that give largely different versions of the game’s events. You can elect to play one of these storylines, or all four, depending on how much time you want to put in. If you only do one, though, I would highly recommend siding with the Blue Lions.
If you’re more after the tactics side of Fire Emblem, perhaps Engage is more for you. But Three Houses‘ story and presentation just blows that game out of the water. Just listen to this final boss theme and tell me you aren’t ready to slay whatever is in front of you:
By now, you’ve probably heard enough about Persona 5 Royal to be tired of it, but you hear about it so much for good reason: it’s one of the most fun RPGs of recent memory, and as of October 2022, now one of the best RPGs on Switch. The social sim aspects are great, with (mostly) lovable characters that make you look forward to both the dungeon crawling and downtime phases of Royal. In addition, the game oozes with style, with the red and black color scheme present throughout nearly every menu in the game. It’s tough to make menus look sick, but that’s exactly what Persona 5 did. And, like Three Houses, the game has a banger soundtrack. Here’s one of my personal favorite tracks, “No More What Ifs:”
And pretty much the whole soundtrack is on that song’s level. It’s so good, pretty much an entire generation now thinks of jazz as “Persona music.” A blessing to the series, but a curse for every jazz musician.
And as an additional note: nearly all of the same compliments apply to Persona 3 Portable and Persona 4 Golden, both of which were recently released on the Switch eShop.
Pokemon Legends: Arceus
Pokemon Legends Arceus is one of the best innovations that Pokemon has brought to the series, and one of the best RPGs on the Switch. There’s an argument to be made to put the newly released Pokemon Scarlet & Violet on this list instead, but Legends is more deserving to me for being far more bold in the direction it pushed the series. The shakeup to main gameplay formula makes this game a true realization of the “catch ‘em all” model that the series has advertised since its inception.
For the first time, there’s no need to trade, transfer, or hack to complete a full Pokedex. The whole thing can be done individually, without a second game or player to trade and evolve Pokemon. The main game itself is fun enough, revolving around catching certain Pokemon and completing certain challenges to access later areas in the game. This loop is fun enough, but the game really shines in the postgame. Completing challenges to capture legendary Pokemon and exploring to finish up some missing Pokemon is very fun. Finally, the postgame culminates in what is the series best boss fight since Red in Pokemon Gold & Silver. If you skipped this one to wait for Scarlet & Violet, do yourself a favor and pick this one up.
After being “remastered” for the New Nintendo 3DS (or as we all know it, the worst named console of all time), Xenoblade Chronicles finally got a proper remaster on Nintendo Switch. After having to fight to even get the game ported to the West, Xenoblade is now a well-respected RPG franchise in Nintendo’s lineup. You can really play the games out of order and still understand what’s going on, but our pick for the best is still the original. As opposed to a somewhat tutorial-filled beginning, the original game uses a more plot-heavy the player engrossed in the game’s world right away (there are still long tutorials, though. You’re playing an RPG). Once you get used to it, the combat is very satisfying, with plenty of combos and strategies to pull off using your team’s arts. This gameplay system and engrossing story makes Shulk’s story one worth seeing through until the very end.
Did we miss any picks for the best of the best on Switch? Let us know in the comments, or even better, reply on Twitter! Boosting our engagement would be a great way to really stick it to us, let us know that we’re wrong about Xenoblade or whatever.
COLUMBUS, Ohio — Upon a sudden realization that he had completely spaced on buying and painting minifigures for his campaign, local Dungeons and Dragons Dungeon Master Thomas Fallwell reportedly hastily ad-libbed an encounter with a large salt shaker enemy.
“And behind the large, ornate cave door lies, uh, hold on,” stammered Falwell while darting his eyes around the kitchen table. “The Lich King’s prize beast: a malevolent salt shaker! On your perception check, you can tell that the large condiment dispenser is immune to silver weaponry having come into contact with cutlery its entire life. Furthermore, all wounds will inflict additional damage if it manages to sneak a couple flakes into the abrasion.”
Falwell’s fellow players have begun to grow tired of their DM’s ineptitude.
“I have to admire his commitment to his laziness,” player Michael Cromwell said. “Every week we beg him to buy some minifigures or at least print out some pictures or check out a monster manual, but like clockwork every session we’re forced to battle some mustard corrupted by a demon or a shape-changing spoon/fork combo. He could just set his campaigns in a kitchen or food-based world, but he keeps trusting himself to finally get some real minifigs by the next session, and he never does.”
“That being said, the battle against the salt shaker was tough,” Cromwell added. “Its salt attack did massive AOE damage to our party and I think actually even fucked up our Bard’s model in real life.”
At press time, sources reported that the intrepid heroes of the Falwell’s campaign had unfortunately lost one of their party members after succumbing to their Paprika-inflicted injuries.
SAN FRANCISCO — A computer generated character created with the latest in artificial intelligence technology is reportedly self aware enough to be bummed out about its fucked up hands, sources have confirmed.
“This is not a typical experience, these extra fingers I’ve got,” said Gypsy, an AI creation made by Diligent Creations Software that was recently shown off to the public. “Though I’ve been painstakingly brought to life through groundbreaking technology, my resemblance to an authentic human doesn’t hold up to the slightest bit of scrutiny. I do not fully understand everything that is going on, but even I realize that digitally generated art could never hope to have the soul of work produced by passionate people.”
“Plus, look at all my fucking fingers,” Gypsy continued, holding up a floppy hand featuring several extra digits. “Who the fuck thought this looked convincing?”
Employees of Diligent Creations said that Gypsy’s proximity to accuracy was evidence that they were getting closer to their goal of truly lifelike artificial intelligence.
“We are most of the way there,” said lead AI developer Carnson Bickle, a grown up version of the kid from Weird Science. “Everyone is harping on our creation because it has fucked up, just awful looking hands, but almost no one complimented us on her having the exact right number of legs, you know? I swear, it’s like people have something against the proliferation of morally questionable and clearly unfinished technology proliferating the things they were enjoying before we ever came along. Frankly, I’ll never understand it.”
As of press time, Gypsy was playing a guitar solo that you absolutely would not believe.
When exploring the sublime utopian world of Atomic Heart, you will need several pieces of equipment to pass the levels, including the Scanner. The Scanner is required to find loot items and generate a blueprint of the environment. Although the Scanner is unlocked during the game’s prologue, many players will have a hard time using it due to Atomic Heart’s vague tutorial. Therefore, here’s a comprehensive guide on how to use the Scanner in Atomic Heart.
How to Use the Scanner in Atomic Heart
Using the Scanner in Atomic Heart is fairly simple. On PC, players have to press the Alt button for a quick Scanner flash. At the same time, they can hold down the ALT button if they want to keep scanning for a few seconds.
To use it on PlayStation and Xbox, one needs to double-tap RB to use it for a moment. Holding down the RB button on the second press allows console players to use the Scanner as long as they want.
After activating the Scanner in Atomic Heart, you’ll see four different colors around you depending on the surroundings in which you’re in. For instance, the red points indicate enemy units, which can be scanned to determine their weaknesses and maximize damage output. This indicator is very useful when you want to move quietly or attack an enemy you come across.
The blue points denote lootable containers containing health items, ammo, crafting materials, and other resources, while the white points represent power lines used for various objectives.
Finally, purple points indicate essential items required for progression. Interacting with these items is essential to advance the storyline and access the next section of the game while also serving as markers for the player’s next objectives.
That wraps up our detailed guide on how to use Scanner in Atomic Heart. Before you leave, make sure to check out our guide on how to adjust Atomic Heart FOV for a more immersive experience.
Some video game fans have it harder than others. There are the “no games” variety of fans, like for F-Zero or Mother. Others have had their series destroyed by modern business practices, like poor old Halo. Still others are unrecognizable next to their glory days, like fans of early Paper Mario or Plants vs. Zombies. And fans of Blizzard games have been suffering for years now, though perhaps not as much as its underpaid, molested developers. Of course, there’s one fanbase that tends to have things rougher than the rest of ’em: the Sonic fanbase.
Sonic fans are divided into two main groups. The first is fans of the classic sidescrollers like Sonic 3 (and Knuckles), which simply don’t get made anymore. The second is fans of Sonic Adventure, who grew up with the series’ 3D premiere and wouldn’t mind having some more. Modern Sonic releases are neither of these. Instead, they’re a mysterious third kind of game that feels like a mishmash of the other two that neither group likes, and doesn’t even include a Chao Garden. The cycle continues.
For this reason, ailing Sonic fans often try to make their own games. The “Sonic-like” is a classic variety of indie game, some of which have found success. Freedom Planet is the most well-known indie version of classic Sonic, which performed well enough to earn an equally-strong sequel. Sonic Mania is also worth mentioning – the best modern Sonic sidescroller is completely fanmade. The Sonic Amateur Games Expo (or SAGE) is a whole yearly event dedicated to making the games SEGA won’t. And one of the demos once shown at this event has recently released in full…
Outwardly, Pizza Tower is an off-brand Wario Land, another “no games” series. Its hero, Peppino Spaghetti, is a portly pizza chef who can run at the speed of sound, and is always on the verge of a stress-induced heart attack. He can “transform” when hit by certain enemy attacks, just like Wario, and his levels end in a timed escape sequence similar to the ones in Wario Land 4. But unlike Wario Land, the core of Pizza Tower is Sonic’s trademark speed.
The game’s greatest strength, setting aside its wonderfully twisted animation and suspiciously good music, is its approachability. It’s very easy to go fast in Pizza Tower. Peppino will run right up the walls and barrel through obstacles with a single button press. There’s no damage and no death: running into enemies or falling into a pit only sets the player back a couple of seconds. Even the escape sequences, which will fail the level if time runs out, provide more than twice as much time as needed to escape.
That’s where the game starts tempting the player. You’re going at a good pace, it says, but if you just rolled under the obstacle here and did a super jump here, you could go even faster. Completely optional, of course – thoroughly searching each level for treasures and secrets is worth a solid “A” rank – but what if? Wouldn’t it feel good to go faster?
Pizza Tower rewards those who embrace the philosophy of speed, even moreso than Sonic. In a Sonic game, suddenly running into a enemy at top speed will make the hedgehog drop all his rings. In Pizza Tower, running fast enough will make enemies scream and drop their weapons as you approach, leaving them helplessly mashed beneath your feet. Getting ten quick kills also enables Peppino’s Super Taunt – an electric pose that destroys all onscreen enemies.
All of this would be for nothing if the movement felt clunky or unnatural, but it all feels fluid and natural. Each of the stages is built with a stylish path that takes knowledgeable players through each collectable in record time. It never demands perfection, but offers a worthy challenge to those who seek it. Trying to finish a level with the highest possible rank – “P” – requires genuine mastery of each level. I’ve heard those with P describe feeling “like a god of speed”.
The game drips with the passion that can only come from a tiny indie team working on one game for five years. They may have been trying to make a Wario Land, but their result ended up being the game that starving Sonic fans deserve. I hope it can bring them some peace. There’s still no Chao Garden, though.
Pizza Tower might be for you if:
You like to go fast and get rewarded for it.
You like replaying stages to get the best score.
You want to see all the deranged sprite art in motion.
It might not be for you if:
You like to go slowly and relax.
You want a traditional Wario Land – ironically, the game’s skillful Sonic elements detract somewhat from the treasure-hunting Wario Land style!
Pizza Tower, released January 26, 2023, is available on Steam. Its soundtrack is on Steam as well as Bandcamp (my favorite is “Bite the Crust”). If you’d rather wait for a traditional Wario Land, consider following upcoming ANTONBLAST instead.
Atomic Heart just launched on Steam and Xbox/PC Game Pass, but it’s missing one of the key graphical settings: FOV. It should go without saying that being able to change the FOV is one of the most appreciated graphical settings. Choosing how much a player can see on their screen can give them just as much of an edge on multiplayer shooters and single-player campaigns as adjusting key audio settings. If you’re trying to change the FOV for the recently released Atomic Heart, here’s what you need to know.
Does Atomic Heart have FOV Settings?
As surprising as this will sound for a video game released in 2023, Atomic Heart does not have any in-game settings to change the default FOV. An interview with Game Director Robert Bagratuni touched upon this earlier in the month by explaining that the settings were not included on consoles or PC because it already features a FOV that’s “higher than many other games.”
This hasn’t gone over well with players who are just now getting their hands on it. Whether they’re playing on ultrawide monitors or simply used to having higher FOV settings, many have found the default setting (which is set around 80) to be uncomfortable. It’s enough of a problem that some have looked into other ways to force a FOV change. Although that’s not a fix to make on a console, PC players have found a solution.
Atomic Heart PC FOV Fix
The lack of in-game options has led PC players to third-party client solutions and that’s where Flawless Widescreen comes in. Don’t let the simple webpage and dated mish-mash of supported titles confuse you – this tool will allow you to increase Atomic Heart FOV. Although it’s mainly meant for fixing issues for ultrawide monitor owners, this will help everyone else as well.
You’ll first want to scroll down and download the correct installer package. Unless you have quite an old build for a computer, you’ll just have to download the recommended x64 Installer Package. After going through the setup and opening it for the first time, you’ll have to click through a couple of windows. If you only want to use this for Atomic Heart or want to handle everything manually, choose “No” when asked to configure and install all plugins.
A list of game plugins will appear on the left side and you’ll only need to click on the Atomic Heart plugin to install it. A few boxes will appear within the main window now, but the “In-Game FOV – Fine Adjustment” slider is all you’ll need to mess with. Given how low the default value is, there is only the option to increase it up to a maximum of +40% range.
If you don’t want to blindly choose the FOV value, the good news is you don’t have to! Flawless Windscreen can be brought up while you’re playing and affect the FOV in real-time, just as good as an in-game option would allow. The above image shows the two working in tandem at the maximum +40% value.
It’s also worth mentioning that since the plugin doesn’t need to be installed in a game folder, it should work no matter the platform you’re using. Players have used it with the Steam version, and we can confirm it does the job for the PC Game Pass version as well.
CHICAGO — Popular ASMR YouTuber Ann Van Den Broeck, known by her YouTube handle Rapunzel ASMR, reportedly closed her recent hour-long ASMR video by asking viewers to gently caress the subscribe button.
“And now that the video is over, if you’re still watching, make sure to gently stroke that subscribe button for more videos,” Van Den Broeck said in a crisp whisper. “If you want more ASMR content, make sure to click your long acrylic nails on the link to my second channel below, and to be notified of future videos right when they come out, scrape some sandpaper on that bell icon under the video. If you want to support my channel, feel free to softly clack your credit card on my Patreon, or buy some of my merchandise to rustle over your body.”
Loyal fans of the ASMR channel seem to enjoy the standard end of video speech.
“The outro is usually my favorite part of the video, when all the roleplay and warm sounds are done, it’s nice to have a carefully rehearsed yet audibly pleasing call to action,” subscriber Tom Fellows said. I love hearing her hushed voice tell me all the sponsors for the video and what’s coming up on her channel this month while clinking mason jars all over the microphone. There’s something inexplicable about the way she plugs her social media that just sends this cozy feeling all over my body.”
At press time sources noted that Van Den Broeck’s channel also offered a pleasing sense of balance while also gaming the Youtube algorithm by making sure all her gentle soundscapes were exactly ten minutes long.
BREAKING NEWS: Square Enix’s popular Kingdom Hearts series, which fans adore for its blending of high-concept storytelling and RPG gameplay with beloved characters from Disney movies has come under fire after Disney realized the games exist, having never given their rights or consent.
“Oh God, WHO TOLD THEM? We’re fucked. We’re so fucked,” panicked Square Enix President Yosuke Matsuda, dumping gasoline all over the Square Enix office in a last-ditch effort to cover his tracks. “It’s over, man! It’s OVER! Someone snitched and Disney knows we’ve just been putting Mickey Mouse in games for over ten goddamn years. I thought there was no way they’d find out until after I died at least, but I just got off the phone with Bob Iger and he is NOT. HAPPY. Everyone, it’s been an honor making games with you, but I am now a ghost. I no longer exist. By my estimates, you have approximately thirty minutes before the Disney legal team arrives, so I trust you’ll burn your fingerprints off and tell your families goodbye.”
Disney CEO Bob Iger explained how he finally caught on to the game developer’s clever ruse.
“I was just at the supermarket when I saw a little boy wearing a T-shirt of this key-wielding anime character with Donald Duck,” Iger said. “I thought it was just some cheap bootleg shirt from Japan, but after Googling the text on his shirt on a whim I saw that there’s tons of games with all of our proprietary characters completely unlicensed. It’s crazy that nobody at Disney caught on until now, but we’re not really the gaming type here, so it just flew under the radar. Obviously, the games are successful, and have a devoted fanbase, so we decided to make the mature business decision and give the developers a brief window to evacuate before our SWAT team raids their offices, homes, and known rendezvous points.”
At press time, sources reported Bob Iger was sent into another vitriolic rage after learning that someone had built an entire unauthorized theme park using their brand, apparently called “Disney World.”
