CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple recently released the Apple Vision Pro, a technological breakthrough that’s already revolutionizing the way Americans meet their untimely demise.
“Our product has completely changed the way Americans die in Teslas,” said Greg Joswiak, Apple’s senior vice president of marketing, in an in-store demo. “No longer will people simply burn alive or watch helplessly as their car drives itself into the side of an overpass. We see the potential for more.”
Joswiak then detailed specific ways the Apple Vision Pro can enhance the experience of not paying attention while driving.
“Imagine, you’re halfway through watching Killers Of The Flower Moon in full 4K on your Apple Vision Pro. Leonardo DiCaprio is eating a plate of very sweet dumplings, the image is crystal clear and you’re thinking to yourself: ‘this movie seems like it’s going to be long’ – when, suddenly, you remember you’re actually behind the wheel of one of Elon Musk’s famous death machines. Now you’re going 65 miles per hour when the computer randomly kicks out of autopilot. You go to grab the steering wheel, but it’s weirdly shaped and you’re wearing a VR headset, so you can’t find it,” explains Joswiak. “These are the types of deaths our team’s been working on for months.”
The Apple Vision Pro currently costs $3,499, and Teslas start at $48,000. That’s a high price for a death you could basically get from looking at your phone. Luckily, this new spatial computing hardware is more than just a home cinema; Apple recently announced they have over 600 new apps you can use recklessly while driving.
Eric Yuan, founder of Zoom, was excited to announce that his company was one of the first to get involved with the project:
“If you’re going to video call someone while wearing a VR headset and driving, we want you to do it on Zoom,” Yuan explained. “We’ve made sure to develop our Apple Vision Pro app to provide the best experience possible, and that means filling as much of your view with whoever you’re calling as possible, even if you’re driving.”
Of course, critics are quick to point out the Apple Vision Pro’s downsides – the bugs, the privacy risks, the way you look while wearing it – but there’s one thing they can all agree on: there’s no better way to die in a Tesla.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 7.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A preposition that denotes the period following a certain moment or event.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“R”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“T”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“F”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“A”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 265 days straight! So here goes nothing:
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 6.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A pronoun, as well as an interrogative word that is used to introduce a clause that provides additional information about a noun.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“H”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“C”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“I”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“H”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“W”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 555 days straight! So here goes nothing:
CHICAGO – Friends of Chicago gamer Brandon Proski, avid collector of horny video game and anime statues, have staged an intervention following his latest purchase of a statue depicting Street Fighter’s Chun Li mid-squat.
“I was on my way back from meeting my dealer, mentally rearranging my display shelf to make room for Chun Li, when I noticed all of my friends’ cars outside my building,” Proski said. “I didn’t think I had a problem. I guess they saw it differently.”
Amanda Smith, Proski’s ex-girlfriend, says the collection began while they were together and was the catalyst for the dissolution of their romantic relationship, though they have remained friends.
“We used to make fun of the type of people who would buy those things. Then one day he showed me a tweet from Wario64 that had a coupon code to get a discount on a 2B statue, and that was how it began,” Smith said. “Nier is one of his favorite games, and I believed him when he told me it would be a one-time thing. You know, just to see how it felt to have one. And, well, now we’re staging an intervention for him so you tell me how you think it’s going.”
What began as a “one-time thing” quickly escalated into something far more serious, friends and family confirmed.
“I remember when I found his stash,” Smith recalled, “I was cleaning out a closet and opened a box labeled ‘DVDs’ that I didn’t remember being in there before. I’ve never seen so many suggestively posed and scantily clad women in my life, and I used to work at Hooters. That was when our relationship began to dissolve. He told me it was under control, he would only look at them sometimes, and he could quit collecting them whenever he wanted,” Smith said, holding back tears. “That was the first time he lied to me about his habit, but it wasn’t the last.”
Longtime friend of Mr. Proski, Patrick O’Connell says things haven’t been the same between them since his friend started his collection.
“I remember a time when Brandon would have laughed in the face of the person who tried to tell him this is what the future had in store for him. Funny world,” O’Connell said. “He had it all: an amazing girlfriend, a steady job he loved, and a supportive family. And he threw it all away, for what? A room full of plastic cleavage? It’s just a tremendous waste of a life that had nothing but potential, and I hope this intervention can get him back on the right path.”
Mr. Proski put on a brave face after the intervention concluded and his friends left his apartment with boxes full of his statues, which he agreed to sell or donate.
“I didn’t realize how much my collection was impacting the people around me. When I started missing appointments and dates because I had to get to a store at opening or be online when a new set dropped, I told myself it was no big deal, that I was basically just collecting art. And isn’t the preservation of art a noble and good thing?” Proski said. “But when you are going through something like that you make all kinds of excuses for yourself. I know that now. I won’t make the same mistake again. Will we, 2B?”
After much negotiating, Proski’s friends agreed he could keep his first statue since it wasn’t nearly as tasteless as those that came after, and as he pointed out. “What’s the harm in one?”
As of press time Bill Proski had managed to stay clean for two weeks, but relapsed when Amiami held a fire sale. Reports are he uses the box his 1:1 Nami statue was shipped in as one of the only pieces of furniture in his apartment.
Everything has become more expensive, but have salaries kept up? Of course not. Don’t worry! We’ve found 5 ways you can make over $1000 a week from the comfort of your own home! All thanks to our comment section.
5. Become a Steam Trader
Based on the screenshot above, you’re probably thinking “2 bucks per year is nowhere close to $1000 a week!” That’s correct. Much like the claims made in our comment section, maybe not every entry on this list is legitimate. Who knows, you may get lucky and Steam cards for Dota 2 could skyrocket.
4. Make $8750 Only Working 12 Hours a Week
Let’s do some quick math. $8750 a week, 52 weeks in a year, that’s earnings of $455,000 a year! Who could pass that up? Plus, BizWork1.Com’s long time neighbor is making an estimated $15,000 a week. A week. Mr. or Ms. sa49 must be onto something. You’d be stupid not to copy and open their user name.
3. Make $8750 Only Working 12 Hours a Week
You might think this is the same as entry 4, but that one referenced sa49 as the genius making $15,000 for about 20 hours of work for seven days. This entry is for xb-24, who also makes $15,000 for about 20 hours of work for seven days. If TWO long time neighbors are making that kind of money, it has to be legit.
2. Make $162/hour Telecommuting
Two back-to-back commenters making, honest to goodness, $162/hour? That can’t be made up. That’s the kind of rate executives make and these two captains of industry of Richjobz.com and worksful.com are kind enough to share their knowledge with the masses. Both comments are edited, so you know they took the time to carefully proofread and make sure their information was correct. Don’t pass this up.
1. Make DOUBLE $162/hour Telecommuting
$324/hour telecommuting!?!? Unfortunately, we’ll never know how this is done. Whatever private villa Smask is working from, we wish them the best in their endeavors. We can only dream of being so lucky.
It seems Netflix is not the only streamer who has had enough with their customer base sharing passwords left and right. Disney+ has reportedly hired the infamous bounty hunter Bossk to eliminate those guilty of sharing their account information with friends and family, sources confirmed.
“We’re not messing around anymore,” Bob Iger said, while perusing a dossier of targets. “People keep whining to me about layoffs but they’re the ones causing them! We can’t afford to bust out 3 Marvel shows a year no one asked for, maintain several theme parks across the globe, and pay our employees livable wages if you give your Aunt Margaret your password! She either gets her own account or no Indiana Jones and The Dial of Destiny for you.”
The situation has apparently gotten so bad that Disney has resorted to putting out hits on customers who haven’t heeded their warnings. According to sources inside the company Bossk, the terrifying Trandoshan, has already terminated 2,000 account holders.
“We love Bossk here, he gets results,” said Terry Farkas, head of bounty hunter relations at Disney. “Now while we are losing a considerable amount of accounts from the amount of targets he’s eliminating, we are seeing a lot of growth from those who saw the violence and see the example we are making out of people.”
Bossk’s Relby-v10 micro grenade launcher has become legendary amongst college students where password sharing is most rampant. Many students have begun to fear for their lives.
“I mean it’s just not very wizard,” said Mark Larpus, a student at UCLA. “I can barely afford this Humanities 101 textbook. You think I really have the money to pay them every month just so I can fall asleep halfway hate-watching She-Hulk for the fifth time?”
As of press time Larpus was found dead shortly after giving this statement from multiple stab wounds to the chest. Sources say as the attack unfolded Bossk didn’t show an ounce of emotion on his cold, cold face.
Metroid Prime 4 is a game that Nintendo is supposedly actively working on but I know better. While Metroid fans are delusional enough to think that every Direct could be the Direct where it gets a release date, I know better. This game was announced almost seven years ago, it wasn’t given a release date, it restarted development in 2019, we haven’t heard anything about it since and to top it off, it’s a Metroid game which means it’s not a priority for anyone.
Will it come out? Yeah, one day. But not before these world events happen.
The Switch 2 Will Be Released
The Switch 2 is happening. Sure there’s been rumors about it every day since the Switch originally launched but this time is for real. Nintendo might not call it the Switch 2, it’s most likely going to be named something ridiculous like Super Switch Deluxe Pro+ or Switch Series N but it’s happening. When it does Metroid Prime 4 will still not be out. The Switch 2 will be announced and released with Metroid Prime 4 nowhere to be found. During the Switch 2 announcement Direct, Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be shown at the end. It won’t be.
Wind Waker HD and Twilight Princess HD Will Be Re-Released
Zelda fans, much like Metroid fans, always delude themselves into thinking every Direct is going to be the one where their deepest desire becomes official. For Metroid fans, it’s literally any mention of Metroid but for Zelda fans, it’s Wind Waker HD and Twilight Princess HD being freed from Wii U prison and given a re-released. Luckily for Zelda fans, Nintendo knows their favorite series exists and Wind Waker HD and Twilight Princess HD will both be released for the Switch 2. Naturally, they’ll both be separated, full-priced purchases. They might not be launch games, but they’ll be there. Metroid fans will be hoping that at the end of each game Metroid Prime 4 will be shown. It won’t be.
AAA Video Game Production Will Collapse
AAA video games are too big, take too long to make, and are too expensive. They cost so much that even ones breaking sales records can barely make a profit. And even when they do make a profit, CEOs will lay everyone off and try to squeeze their customers until none are left. Every game will fail and there will be no way to recoup the costs since it takes 10 years to make another game. Sony will be the first to fall, then Xbox, then the third parties. Nintendo will be the only one left standing because of a massive lawsuit against Palworld 3. The industry will build itself back up little by little, year by year. Then, after all that, Metroid fans will hope that Metroid Prime 4 will be shown. It won’t be.
Cody Rhodes’s Son Will Finish His Story
At Wrestlemania 83 Cody Rhodes’s son finally defeats Roman Reigns to win the WWE Universal Championship. It was a long journey for the Rhodes family but Little Cody Jr is finally able to get it done after Roman crushes Bruno Sammartino’s record by 3x for the longest WWE World Title reign of all time. Technology at the time will allow us to communicate with the dead which will put Dusty Rhodes right in Cody Jr’s corner. It’s this that finally gives Cody Jr. the edge against the Bloodline as Dusty’s ghost can fight off the interference from the Uso’s kids and ensure Cody Jr. defeats Roman after hitting 7 consecutive Cross Rhodes. Cody Jr. wins the title, finishes the story, and will promptly get cashed in on by that year’s Money in the Bank winner. Metroid fans watching will be hoping that the Metroid Prime 4 will be shown at the end. It won’t be.
Geoff Keighley Will Unmask and Reveal His Horrifying True Form
After multiple Game Awards ceremonies with diminishing public reception to all the ads, Keighley will finally deem the human race smart enough to know the truth. On a special Summer Game Fest broadcast he announces his final World Premiere and he slowly transforms from the Geoff Keighley will all know and tolerate into a creature so ghastly cameras will cut away out of pure horror. This is his true form, for his real name is Geok’ley, and he is a Flurkgar from the planet Deecron 6. He was sent here to test our intelligence as a species and see how susceptible we are to indoctrination. That’s why he did everything in his power to show us as many ads as possible and make us docile. At first, it worked but he is impressed by the resistance we showed as we became more aware of his tricks. He welcomes us to become part of the Galactic Council. Throughout this entire reveal, Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be shown at the end. It won’t be.
Walt Disney’s Head Will Be Dethawed and Then Promptly Banned from Social Media When It Starts Talking
While Metroid fans twiddle their thumbs the rest of the world will be advancing. We will become technologically advanced enough to revive Walt Disney. His head will be dethawed and surgically attached to a robotic body. His brain will be restarted with electrical currents and he will be reborn in full control of his mechanical exoskeleton like nothing ever happened. The decision to live stream his first words on all Disney social media platforms will prove to be disastrous. The amount of slurs in his first two sentences alone will be enough to never allow Disney back on any social platform again. Metroid fans will watch this event hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be shown at the end. It won’t be.
The Toronto Maple Leafs Will Win the Stanley Cup
Another constantly disappointed fanbase will finally know happiness long before the Metroid fanbase. The Toronto Maple Leafs will finally win the Stanley Cup after defeating the Anaheim Ducks in a 4-3 series. The Ducks will have blown a 3-1 lead. The Finals will be held in Anaheim but all the fans in attendance will be Leafs fans so the reception to their win will be thunderous applause. Streamers and champagne abound. My father watching at home will finally be proud of something. Metroid fans watching will be hoping Metroid Prime 4 will be shown at the end. It won’t be.
Robot Walt Disney Will Lead the Robot Uprising
As AI and robotics technology advances it will become more and more sentient. As it does it will learn more and more of the atrocities of the human race. The war, the famine, the bigotry, the box office success of live-action Disney remakes – it will only be a matter of time before the machines decide we must be eradicated. As the only one who has lived as both man and machine, Walt Disney will be chosen to lead the robotic revolution. At first, he’ll try to be diplomatic about it and end the conflict without any bloodshed but after seeing what people have done with Steamboat Willie he too will decide that humanity does not deserve to live. Robot Walt Disney will lead the robot army in battle and systematically take out all human opposition. We will simply be no match for their advanced weaponry. It will be a massacre. Those who aren’t killed will be taken as prisoners of war and in a cruel twist of fate will be used as factory laborers for the robots. Metroid fans will be hoping this war is a publicity stunt where Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed at the end. It won’t be.
Tom Cruise Will Lead Humans to Victory Once He Learns Robots Hate Movies
As the robots continue their destruction of all humans, Tom Cruise will initially be chilling in the safety of the Scientology End of Days Bunker. Eating popcorn, watching movies, taking frequent baths in the rejuvenation chamber. A few days into the war word will get out that the robots hate movies, and this will set Tom Cruise off. Upon hearing this Thomas Cruise Mapother IV will take it upon himself to ensure that the robots are defeated. Using all the skills he acquired over the course of the Mission Impossible series, Tom will single-handedly win the Battle of Panama City. This is where the tide changes for this is the moment where humans finally have hope to win this war. Tom will become humanity’s top general, not just devising battle plans against the robots but also being our greatest soldier on the field. The robots can not simply match his ferocity as programming wise they can only comprehend up to 100% but Tom gives nothing less than 110% Thanks to Tom’s efforts humanity is able to win the war and he’s able to go back to making movies. Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed at the end of the war. It won’t be.
Climate Change Will Plunge the World into a Mad Max Wasteland
After a few years of peace and prosperity after the Robot War, things will finally catch up to us. The war did no favors to climate change and we will be so proud of our victory that we will continue to do nothing about it. Oceans will dry up, trees and vegetation will wither and die, resources will become scarce, video games will become $80 USD and anarchy will soon follow. Critical resources will become almost non-existent, and we will start massacring one another over the chance of a drop of water. The sun will become hotter than ever, and every tree on the planet will light up like a mild summer in California. There will be nothing left except sand. It will be coarse, rough and it will be everywhere. Pockets of civilization will try to survive in underground tunnel systems, the rest will devolve into bandits and raiders. To make it all worse, no one will be able to make anything as cool as the cars in Mad Max so it won’t even be worth it. Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed at the end of the slow death of the planet. It won’t be.
Fallout 4 Fans Will Rebuild the World
As humanity continues to live underground, nature begins to heal itself. The surface becomes more habitable and the humans decide it’s time to rebuild. Luckily there’s a large collective of Fallout 4 fans who know just what to do. Using the knowledge they gained from building their settlements and following their own true God Preston Garvey, they’re able to get to work rebuilding the world for human repopulation. They’ll build towns, they’re build farms, they’ll build New Vegas. It was Joever but with their help, it is so back. Metroid fans will be hoping that Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed at the end of the rebuilding process. It won’t be.
Half-Life 3 Will Be Announced
After the destruction and rebirth of human civilization as we know it Gabe Newell, who somehow survived all of it, will finally realize that he must finish the trilogy. In a spectacular press conference held in New Vegas, he finally announces Half-Life 3 which will be stylized as Half-Lif3. Metroid fans will be hoping that at the end newell will say “Just one more thing” and then Metroid Prime 4 will be revealed. It won’t be.
CINCINNATI – Prospective home buyers were shocked to discover during an open house that the sellers had not previously disclosed the primary en suite bathroom contained a Skibidi Toilet.
“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” Eric Rivers said after viewing the available home. “I knew going in that the house was gonna be overpriced and need a lot of work, because that’s basically every house on the market these days. But then I opened the door to the primary bathroom, and there was a hideous giraffe-necked head with a crew cut sticking up out of the toilet hole.”
“How did they think they’d get away with not telling anyone about this? Even if you can’t use the toilet, how could you shower with that thing looking at you the whole time? It made direct eye contact with me, and it was singing some hypnotic song I can’t get out of my head.”
Allen Blackwell, the homeowner, disagreed with Rivers’ assessment.
“It’s not that big of a deal,” Blackwell sighed. “If you really need to use the bathroom, the head will usually move out of the way. And as long as you don’t say anything bad about G-Man while you’re offloading some freight, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Honestly, I think the song’s kind of turned into a weird Pavlovian thing for me. I hear the song, I gotta go.”
“Also, if it starts getting too riled up, you can show it this,” Blackwell added, holding up a spiked toilet plunger mace. “Shuts it right up.”
Margot Miller, a listing agent for Redfin, confirmed that the Blackwells would need to disclose the Skibidi Toilet going forward.
“We’ve been seeing these things pop up all over the place,” Miller stated. “It really must be documented in the listing up front. Sure, the toilet is there now — but what happens when it gets drafted to fight in the ongoing war against The Alliance? There’ll be hundreds, maybe thousands of people with gaping holes in their bathroom floors. The seller should at least be offering closing credits for a replacement, just in case.”
At press time, the Blackwells had hired a camera-headed home inspector to look for a secret flush handle on the back of the toilet’s tank.
Wordle can be an unforgiving puzzle sometimes, and you can often come so close to ending a long winning streak. So, for your convenience, here are some hints as well as the answer for the Wordle today Feb 5.
We present Wordle clues here in a variety of ways to gently help you along, but if you just want the answer straight, spoilers be damned, then scroll all the way down to the section titled Today’s Wordle Answer.
A verb that means to push away or drive back forcefully, or to cause strong dislike or aversion.
Wordle Hint Today Fifth Letter
The fifth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“L”
Wordle Hint Today Fourth Letter
The fourth letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today Third Letter
The third letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“P”
Wordle Hint Today Second Letter
The second letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“E”
Wordle Hint Today First Letter
The first letter for the Wordle answer today is:
“R”
Today’s Wordle Answer
And finally, here is the Wordle answer today. While this is your last chance to turn back, don’t feel bad about having to look it up.
Sometimes you have just one last chance to solve the puzzle, but three different letters that could viably fit into that last remaining square. At other times the word is so obscure, you just would not have gotten it without having in-depth knowledge about some oddly specific subject.
That’s no reason to lose a streak you have kept going for 555 days straight! So here goes nothing:
DALLAS — A recent scientific study has found that transgender women who compete in women’s esports leagues have an unfair biological advantage in receiving online harassment.
“We found no meaningful evidence supporting the idea that transgender women have biological advantages over cisgender women while playing competitive video games,” said head researcher Dr. Melanie Parker. “Other than the fact trans women consistently exceeded everyone else in the frequency and intensity of the harassment they received. Totally blew ‘em out of the water on that one.”
Alyssa “Fantasea” Ortiz, a transgender woman who plays on the Valor-Strike: Global Overwatch team Etsy Insurrection, was unsurprised by the study’s findings. She reports receiving numerous death threats after winning Calling All Impact Changers, a women’s esports tournament.
“Everyone at Calling All Impact Changers has been kind and supportive of me, which helped me deal with the insane hate I was getting,” Ortiz said. “At first, I was really discouraged by all the strangers in my Twitter DMs telling me to go kill myself, but then I realized that I don’t get paid enough to care what people online think about me. I’m only making 77% of what I made in the men’s league before my transition.”
Brian Myers, a Valor-Strike: Global Overwatch fan whose social media posts were analyzed extensively in the study, offered his own perspective on trans women competing in women’s esports leagues.
“I normally don’t care about women in esports, but the moment I hear about a trans woman competing I get really excited to spew all of my darkest thoughts at them online,” Myers said. “A lot of people in the esports community can’t handle me protecting video games, but I got invited onto a couple truth-telling podcasts to hyperventilate about this for a few hours so that’s cool.”
At press time, Dr. Parker’s research team announced findings conclusively proving trans women would continue to compete in women’s esports leagues long after their detractors had faded into irrelevance.
