Konami Distracts Disappointed Metal Gear Fans With Nudie Mag

Posted on by Kyle Duggan

TOKYO — Video game developer and pachinko titan Konami attempted to draw attention away from the underwhelming reception of its recently released Metal Gear Solid: Master Collection by covertly distributing obscene periodicals to individuals who had purchased the game, suddenly horny sources confirmed.

“I was just getting ready to do my usual complaining rounds,” said Keith McKenna, an avid Metal Gear fan. “I figured I’d start with some hateful comments on Reddit before leaving a few vitriolic replies on X, formerly Twitter. But right as I was sitting down to get to work, I noticed something that seemed out of place: a magazine with a bodacious babe on the cover! She was barely dressed, leaving little to the imagination. Still, I was compelled to peek between the pages and see if she might give up those last few secrets. Before long, I was entranced by the photos within, and completely forgot about my grievances with Konami.”

Despite the accusations, Konami has denied any involvement in the matter.

“How could we possibly plant porno mags in the homes of every single person who purchased the collection?” said Takuya Kozuki, the company’s president. “Even if we had the personnel to do that, the stakes would simply be too high. They couldn’t risk being seen. It would have to be some sort of sneaking mission, and that’s just absurd. No one would have the patience for that.”

Series creator Hideo Kojima, who had no involvement in the development of the recent collection, noted his disapproval of Konami’s alleged actions.

“There are just so many other ways they could have accomplished this mission,” said Kojima. “If they needed to resort to tricks, they could have hid beneath a cardboard box and shot the whining gamers with a tranquilizer dart when they were looking the other way. Or they could have knocked on the wall and stunned their targets with CQC when they came to investigate. Hell, I bet if they had simply waited two weeks in real time, the complaints would have just died away naturally.”

At press time, Konami had successfully avoided further criticism by crouching in a corner and smoking a Phantom Cigar.

Alan Wake 2 Best Graphics Settings: Fidelity or Performance?

Posted on by Samam Hasan

Want to use the best Alan Wake 2 graphics settings? Alan Wake 2 brings back the eponymous character in the highly anticipated sequel to Remedy Entertainment’s iconic title. The game will continue the storyline from the previous game as well as bring new characters and mysteries to the front. When starting the game, console players may want to know which is the best graphics mode to choose to fully immerse themselves. Like many current-generation games, Alan Wake 2 will have two graphics options on consoles- Fidelity and Performance. So, let’s take a look into each mode and find out which is better.

Alan Wake 2 Fidelity and Performance Mode Details

The Fidelity Mode will make Alan Wake 2 run at 30 FPS on the PlayStation 5 and Xbox Series X|S. According to Thomas Puha, Communication Director at Remedy, the game was originally built as a 30 FPS experience to focus on visuals and ambience. Like the first game, the sequel is expected to have a cinematic feel to it. The resolution is expected to be at 4k with ray-tracing enabled as well. The game is optimized greatly, so it is unlikely to have any performance issues.

While Alan Wake 2 is mainly going to be a 30 FPS experience, Puha had also confirmed that Remedy had managed a solid Performance mode for the game as well. This would mean that the game would be able to run at 60 FPS or close to that. In the performance mode, however, the resolution and graphics are a bit sacrificed to provide a smoother experience.

What are the Best Graphics Settings in Alan Wake 2?

The best graphics mode seems to be the Performance mode. as it will provide a solid experience at 60 FPS. While the resolution and graphics may be lowered a bit, players will still be able to properly experience this amazing work of art by Remedy Entertainment without any issues. For those who want a pure cinematic experience, then the Fidelity Mode is the way to go.

Alan Wake 2 is set for release worldwide on the 27th of October on the PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X|S and PC. While you’re here, check out the best graphics settings for Marvel’s Spider-Man 2 as well.

New Smash Tournament Restrictions No Match For Just Ignoring Them

Posted on by Parker Johnson

REDMOND, Wash. — Earlier this week, Nintendo announced new restrictions globally on running tournaments for Nintendo-owned games, most prominently Super Smash Bros. Melee and Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. The new restrictions include caps on participants & prize pools in unlicensed tournaments. To get past these guidelines, tournament organizers will need to apply for a license.

Some members of the community, took a bit of a rash approach to combat the new guidelines, choosing to try and straight up ignore them.

“Oh, Nintendo said we can’t organize tournaments anymore?” said Video Game Boot Camp’s GimR, a prominent TO in the Smash community.

“Or what? No, seriously. If I put on another tournament, outside of these rules, what are they gonna do? Come take my GameCube away? Arrest me? I can’t wait to find out because these guys are gonna have to come and pry their games out of my hands before I stop organizing tournaments.”

The sentiment was echoed by many members of the Smash community, including professional Melee player Joseph “Mang0” Marquez.

“I don’t care what we have to do to work around this, but they’re never gonna stop me from playing Melee,” Mang0 said. “Whatever it takes to keep playing the game, we’re gonna do. If that means we’re streaming the tournament on some dark web shit so Nintendo doesn’t raid us, so be it. If that means me and Cody Schwab have to play on a CRT at the dump in front of 3 guys, you can find us at the junkyard.”

After hearing about the Smash community’s thoughts, Nintendo’s legal offices were in a panic trying to figure out the answer to GimR’s “or what” question.

“Oh fuck,” said Logan Stapp, a lawyer for Nintendo. “GimR’s right. What can we do? I kinda thought everyone would just listen. Now we have to come up with consequences?”

At press time, 50 Nintendo lawyers were sitting in front of a whiteboard that just read “arrest them?”

‘Persona 5’ Characters Ranked by if We Would Have Been Friends in High School

Posted on by Corey Arbor

The great thing about the Persona series is how easy it is to place yourself in the situation of the characters: a high schooler struggling to balance life, school, friends, and the knowledge that your generation is going to have to be the one to save the world because clearly anyone over 20 can’t be trusted. As the series went on, focus began to fall more and more on the characters while the overarching plot became a bit on the repetitive side. Yes really, you and your friends will once more use the power you’ve forged in friendship to kill a godhead, and then the god itself, restoring things to a slightly nicer status quo. But it’s how you get there, who you meet, and what drawn teenager you have to keep reminding yourself is technically a high schooler as you get older and older! And oftentimes, though playing as an adult, it’s easy to project your child-self into the story and really begin to think how you would have gotten along with this strange, wonderful cast of characters back then. Well, I do that. And judging by how well these do, I’m not the only one! I can’t be…I mustn’t be…

#41. Masahiro Shido

I mean…right? In a field of terrible people, he manages to be the worst. The scene where he’s begging his research team to find a way to stop him from literally catching empathy like it’s a wasting disease is one of the realest moments in any narrative videogame, and I would want nothing to do with him, not even to try to redeem him.

#40. Junya Kaneshiro

Essentially the above, but on a smaller scale because he’s more focused on acquiring money rather than the power that money can buy. Yes, he throws it around, but his entire focus is the cash itself. A scumbag through-and-through, one without standards or a line, and I honestly would have been afraid to make eye-contact with him, much less be in the same room as him.

#39. Suguru Kamoshida

Not too far off from the above two either, but lacks the ambition to go further than “abusing children for a living.” That honestly almost makes him worse, at least a monster with ambition has goals you can admire, but this guy looked at the words ‘gym teacher’ and thought “That’s my path to being a king.” By sheer proximity to me in high school: this guy is slightly higher up as we’d be more likely to meet.

#38. Principal Kobayakawa

I was timid as a teen, but not exactly spineless. I had opinions, I just wasn’t confrontational and I trusted authority figures way too much. So I’d probably have tried to get in good with the principal just to stay out of the searchlight or because I’d assume he was just trying to do the best he could as well, but frankly once more and more of his true character was revealed to the school, even my timid self wouldn’t have had any time or respect for this prick, bloated with self-importance. But like Kamoshida, not ambitious enough to even try for more of a kingdom than ‘a school.’

#37. Kunikazu Okumura

Haru’s father is a workaholic, so at least I could have seen some of my own father in him. But while my dad’s blue-collar values always made him at least approachable, this guy is having his daughter in an arranged marriage for business, and…yeah, not someone I would have had time for and likely wouldn’t have even known I existed.

#36. Sugimura

I actually went to a private high school, but it was more upper-middle-class than ultra-rich, and this guy would have been a parody of the kinds of students that didn’t even exist in that school. Like Okumura, I probably would have known about and hated this prick and he wouldn’t have crossed the street to piss on me if I was on fire.

#35. Tsukasa

I actually DID know guys like this in high school. Didn’t like ‘em them then, HATE ‘em now. Would have still had things like proximity over anyone above him in the list.

#34. Ichiryuusai Madarame

In some ways the least of the “Palace villains,” and in some ways one of the worst. Not only is he unbearably egotistical, but he stole a dying woman’s masterpiece instead of giving her medical aid. Even before all that came out, his insistence that his students live an ascetic, impoverished existence “for their art” would have come off like the most pretentious “NEVER SELLOUT” shit, with a similar punchline of “because I sold out already and don’t want to share.”

#33. Goro Akechi

A bigger cop than Makoto could ever dream of being, Akechi and I have literally nothing in common except, probably, our gender assignment at birth being correct. I hate his stupid arrogant, egotistical…everything. AND YES, he definitely reminds me of myself at that age, but he’s actually got his shit together. And clearly isn’t suffering from crippling anxiety/ADHD. Plus he’s driven by a need for order and vengeance, and I just don’t think that’s a good foundation for a teenage friendship.

#32. Munehisa Iwai

Nothing against him, but I genuinely would have rather eaten a bug than gone into this guy’s store and talked to him. There was a clerk at a comic book store who was hench and rude, and he made me not buy my Rage: the Apocalypse trading cards for, like, three months out of fear. I think I’d have assumed I’d somehow wind up on a hitlist if I said the wrong string of words to Iwai.

#31. Mika

Ann isn’t very high on this list, but it’s not because I don’t like her, more because this social climber and cutthroat model wouldn’t have much time for me, and I’d likely make fun of her to make Ann chuckle the few times we did interact.

#30. Jose

We’re out of the easy ranks now, so flat-out: I don’t like precocious know-it-all kids. In fiction or reality, then or now, I find them utterly insufferable, no matter what magical powers or flower-eating secret shames they might exhibit. If I ever encountered this boy, I’d likely just stand at the back of the party and hope he doesn’t try to talk to me, rolling my eyes at how cute everyone insisted he was.

#29. Eiko Takao

She seems nice, but c’mon. Tsubasa was obviously a peacocking scumbag. Respect yourself, girl, don’t drag me down with you.

#28. Sae Nijima

I doubt I would have had the guts to say more than three words to this woman and if I was lucky she wouldn’t notice me running around underfoot with her sister.

#27. The Rest of the Teachers

I wasn’t exactly a teacher’s pet in any of my classes, but I largely knew the broad strokes of having a teacher like/tolerate me, and any of these people would have fallen into that category. The neighborhood I grew up in actually had a few teachers in it, so from a young age I realized how much of a thankless, difficult job teaching was and didn’t want to make it any harder, if I could help it. Which I USUALLY could. USUALLY.

#26. Shinya Oda

Like Jose, but with an actual sympathetic backstory and character. I didn’t like talking to younger kids when I was a teen, so through no fault of his own, I probably would have avoided the little tryhard.

#25. Ichiko Ohya

Down this far because I honestly would have been intimidated by her take-no-shit attitude, high moral fiber, and incredibly cool job. If I’d gotten tangled up in her story, she’d likely see me through it, but I can’t say she would have been terribly fond of me or probably really noticed me. But if she’d offered to buy me alcohol, I 100% would have taken her up on it just to hang out around her.

#24. Caroline/Justine

Kind of like if you combined Jose and Oda, but then took away any attempts to appear intentionally cute. I’d genuinely enjoy going around and showing them the sights and sounds of a new home, introducing them to movies and cuisine they’ve never experienced. But…they’re also weird, terrifying, extradimensional children, and that’s a lot to put on a 16-year-old.

#23. Kaoru

Honestly I’d probably be too terrified of his father to even initiate a conversation. Does that make teen-me part of the problem? Yes. Can I do anything about it now? No.

#22. The Track Team

I actually got along well with the jocks at my school by making ‘em laugh, but these guys take themselves so seriously, I’m not sure there’d be much room for my japes and jabs to get through their armor. On the other hand, I was decent at track, but on the other hand: indoor kid. Massively.

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Super Mario Bros. Wonder Infinite Lives Guide: Get 1Ups Faster

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

Want to get infinite lives in Super Mario Bros. Wodner? Super Mario Bros. Wonder can be quite challenging for players that are young, or simply new to platformers. While character selection (Nabbit and the Yoshis) can mitigate “Game Over” situations to some degree, it is imperfect and has its own drawbacks. If you want to know how to get more lives for any character, this Super Mario Bros. Wonder guide will detail three methods to farm infinite lives/1-Up Mushrooms so you never have to experience a Game Over screen again.

Method 1: Farm 99 Lives In Super Mario Bros. Wonder

The first two methods rely on some basic Mario platformer mechanics: (1) staying airborne continuously without coming into contact with the ground, and (2) wall-jumping/wall-sliding does not break that first rule, even if done multiple times. While all characters can do this, the Yoshis are best because of their flutter jump that allows you a measure of control over your jumps and falls, and the natural invincibility to unintentional enemy contact. The Parachute Cap Action Badge ability can help additionally mitigate the former for both Yoshis and other characters, but is not absolutely necessary.

The best course to accomplish this method is on World 1, Course 3: Scram Skedaddlers! Once you’re on the course, make your way to the area pictured above, which is the end of the Skedaddler 10 Coin thief chase sequence. Allow it to clear the yellow barrel obstructions using its acorn projectiles. Now prepare yourself to hop onto its next acorn shot. Once you land it, immediately wall jump, then off it, and then either back on to it, or flutter jump as a Yoshi. By this point the Skedaddler will have spat out another acorn, which you can land on again. Rinse and repeat till the pop-up messages cycle through: Good, Great, Super, Fantastic, Excellent, Incredible, Wonderful, and finally 1UP. From this point forward, every subsequent successful hop will be a 1UP. As long as you don’t reset the airborne combo by coming into contact with the ground, you’ll hit your max of 99 lives in no time at all.

Using characters other than the Yoshis is entirely possible, if you really want to for some reason. Just perfect your wall-jump/wall-slide timing, and use the Parachute Cap to save yourself from errors.

Method 2: Infinite 1-Ups In Super Mario Bros. Wonder

The second method is just a little bit further to the right on the very same course, World 1, Course 3: Scram Skedaddlers! Eliminate the Skedaddlers. Neutralize the red Koopa and drop its shell between the moveable green pipe, and the taller red pipe on its right. Now slide the green pipe all the way to the right, till the shell is jammed tightly between the two pipes, but with enough space for your character to squeeze between. A slender character like Peach or Daisy would be ideal, but is not necessary. Now just keep bouncing off of the Koopa shell, cycle through the pop-ups till 1UP appears, and then max it out. You’ll need to jump lightly off of the shell and immediately wall-slide on the red pipe, in order to avoid accidentally jumping so high that you land on the tops of the pipes thus canceling your combo.

Method 3: Exchange Infinite Flower Coins For Infinite Lives

If you have lots of unused Flower Coins, or are more comfortable farming Flower Coins using our guide, simply head to a Poplin Shop and buy a 1-Up Mushroom Fill-Up Set for 300 Flower Coins. It is the most economical option, working out to 3 Flower Coins per 1-Up, but there are two other options that cost less upfront.

And that’s how you can get infinite lives/1-Ups in Super Mario Bros. Wonder for the Nintendo Switch. Check out our guides detailing the locations of all Action Badges, all Boost Badges, and the Best Badges to choose from both.

Magic the Gathering Announces ‘Frasier’ Crossover Event

Posted on by Patrick Sullivan

SEATTLE — Following on the heels of the announcement that Marvel would be crossing over into Magic the Gathering, Wizards of the Coast has announced another landmark franchise will be coming to the Magic universe: Frasier.

“We wanted to to appeal to the massive cross section of people that play Magic the Gathering and watch Frasier,” said Kelsey Grammer in a promotional video for the new set. “With the upcoming revival and these cards, now everyone can keep me in their mind’s eye every waking moment they have.”

Wizards of the Coast is looking to capitalize on the trend started by the Lord of the Rings: Tales of Middle Earth release earlier this year by releasing cards based on everyone’s favorite radio psychiatrist..

“It was around the Lord of the Rings crossover that we as a company realized: we like money,” said Cynthia Williams, president of Wizards of the Coast. “Love it. Can’t get enough of the stuff. There’s an easy path to get as much money as we possibly can, and that path involves baiting people with cards of whatever TV show or franchise they love the most.”

“We have 18 different cards for this crossover that all revolve around Eddie,” continued Williams. “We have no idea what the cards will actually be, but we know they’ll have a dog on them, and people will eat that shit up.”

The Frasier set is one of many crossovers with different properties that Magic the Gathering has announced recently, with Doctor Who being one of the more recent IPs that have gotten the Magic treatment. Future crossovers include Final Fantasy, Assassin’s Creed, Neopets, Fallout, Alien v. Predator, the Golden State Warriors, Jurassic Park, The Crown, Jaws, and the Werner Herzog documentary Grizzly Man.

“We like to meticulously plan Magic the Gathering crossover events by looking at what’s currently trending on Twitter, and churning out about 50-60 cards based on that,” said Alan Johansson, Head of Development for the collectible card game. “Not to drop hints towards any future projects, but look out for possible SAG-AFTRA commander sets coming late 2026.”

As of press time, there will be a Secret Lair x Cheers set release next month followed by the next drop of My Little Pony cards.

Just kidding. They’re not doing Cheers cards! 

New ‘Hot Ones’ Post-Show Interviews Celebrities During Increasingly Difficult Toilet Trips

Posted on by Camden Brazile

NEW YORK CITY — A new show serving as a continuation of the highly successful Hot Ones series sees host Sean Evans pester celebrities as they make frequent trips to a nearby bathroom after ingesting more and more variations of hot sauce, sources have confirmed.

“I’m never doing this show again,” wailed John Krasinski, who was hoping he’d have more opportunities to promote his upcoming directorial effort If, starring Ryan Reynolds. “It’s one thing to eat a series of chicken wings with escalating levels of hot sauce on them while being gracefully interviewed about your past and current projects, but it is quite another to have a man yell ‘What’s next for John Krasinski?’ and jam a microphone under the stall while I’m shitting out entire organs. Who comes up with this stuff?”

While controversial among guest that have appeared so far, the new show has proved wildly popular to viewers online.

“This is better than Hot Ones, in a way,” said local college student Stu Barker, while watching the show for the first time. “Because their guard is still up just a little bit on Hot Ones. They’re still sitting there under lights and makeup and cameras being interviewed and trying to promote something. When they’re in the bathroom down the hall having the worst time of their life, however, is when the really candid interviewing can begin. Did you see him to get Krasinski to admit he flexed too much creative control on The Office in its later years? That was amazing.”

Host Sean Evans said he was excited to take his hot sauce-based-interviewing skills to their logical next step. 

“The show has been such a runaway hit, it was inevitable that people started asking for some kind of follow-up,” said Evans, who is often complimented for his well-researched and articulated questions. “But there’s no good way to follow up the eating-hot-wings show with anything other than a 10-round bout in the crapper. No one’s gonna watch me keep asking Cardi B questions while she washes her hands, you know?” 

As of press time, Brendan Fraser was forced to cancel his appearance on the new Hot Ones follow-up show, because he shit his pants on the way to the bathroom. 

Will Arnett’s Voice Can’t Help But Make Kia Soul Commercial Oddly Erotic

Posted on by Camden Brazile

CHARLOTTE, N.C. — An unexpected bit of sexual tension filled the air during a viewing of Jeopardy! last night, as a Kia Soul commercial voiced by Will Arnett proved to be strangely erotic, a troubled local family has confirmed.

“I was only half paying attention at the time,” said Joe Branch, the family’s father. “But that sultry Will Arnett voice cut through whatever else I was doing and suddenly I was transfixed. He was talking about payment options and anti-lock brakes, but man he might as well have been describing a beautiful woman, because suddenly I was hot and bothered in a way I haven’t been in ages.”

The sexual excitement wasn’t limited to the patriarch of the family, sources confirmed.

“I was doing my homework when suddenly that Kia commercial came on,” said Hattie Branch, the teenage daughter of the family. “And the next thing I know my parents suddenly had to go ‘Change a lightbulb upstairs,’ and my little brother literally sprinted into the nearest bathroom as soon as the commercial was over. Then 15 minutes later everyone came back in the room and asked me who’d won Jeopardy!. I don’t know, you perverts. Maybe if you didn’t let a car commercial horn you up you would’ve seen for yourself!”

Arnett was reportedly shocked to hear of the unintended eroticism his voiceover lent the Kia Soul commercial.

“You’re kidding me,” said the star of Arrested Development, Bojack Horseman, and a plethora of voice acting roles. “Please tell me I’m not introducing unwanted sexual tension with all of my work. Oh god, what about LEGO Batman? What have I done?!”

As of press time, the Branch family’s shared sexual frenzy was cooled when a commercial for the Super Mario Bros. Movie came on featuring Chris Pratt’s Mario voice. 

Super Mario Bros. Wonder Flower Coins Guide: How to Get Faster

Posted on by Michelle Pereira

Flower Coins are a newly introduced collectible in Super Mario Bros. Wonder, that are primarily used as a form of currency in-game, to be spent at Poplin Shops. A number of items can be purchased with Flower Coins, including 1-Up Mushrooms, Wonder Seeds, Badges, and Standee Surprises. Want to know how to get lots of Flower Coins? This Super Mario Bros. Wonder guide will detail how you can farm them efficiently and effectively. Note that both methods are made much easier by having the Coin Magnet Boost Badge activated, but this is not necessary.

How to Get Flower Coins: Super Mario Bros. Wonder Secret Stage

This bonus course, “Coins Galore!” will randomly appear postgame for you to play. However, it is also possible to force it to appear at any point in the game, by intentionally getting the Game Over screen while holding less than 100 Flower Coins. Doing so has no real negative effect other than to send you right back to the world map, where Prince Florian gives you five free lives.

At that point the Bonus: Coins Galore! course will also spawn nearby for you to challenge. The entire run can be done in less than thirty seconds and is worth 50 Flower Coins each time, assuming you gathered every single last one. Lose all your lives again, rinse and repeat. Note that if you do have more than 100 Flower Coins on you, then the Game Over screen will penalize you by deducting more than what this method is worth. The bonus course is good if you’re trying to gather Flower Coins in large chunks per run, in order to quickly buy items like Wonder Seeds and Badges which can cost as much as 100 Flower Coins each.

Expert Badge Challenge: Jet Run 1

This challenge course is just a straightforward sprint to the finish flagpole, with the coins in your direct path. The thirty second run is worth 13 Flower Coins, and no lives lost.

And that’s how you can farm 999 Flower Coins in Super Mario Bros. Wonder for the Nintendo Switch. Check out our guide on the best Badges in the game.

Super Mario Bros. Wonder Characters Guide: What Character is Best?

Posted on by Noah Hunter

Super Mario Bros. Wonder offers over ten different characters for you to choose from. It’s a tough choice picking between fan favorites such as Mario, Luigi, Yoshi, Peach, and even Daisy. However, what is the difference between these characters, and which character in Super Mario Bros. Wonder is best?

We’ve outlined all the differences between each playable character, with some characters having the ability to not take damage. Here’s everything you need to know about the playable characters in Super Mario Bros. Wonder. 

All Super Mario Bros. Wonder Characters

Super Mario Bros Wonder Playable Character Menu

There are a total of twelve different playable characters in Wonder. Each of these can be found below:

  • Mario
  • Luigi
  • Peach
  • Daisy
  • Yellow Toad
  • Blue Toad
  • Toadette
  • Yoshi
  • Red Yoshi
  • Yellow Yoshi
  • Light-Blue Yoshi
  • Nabbit

Not all of these characters play the same. The game has a selection of characters with special abilities to make the game easier. These include the four playable Yoshi characters and Nabbit. They are unable to take damage, which makes these characters an excellent choice for anyone wanting to play without worrying about enemies. Additionally, they allow children who might struggle with the complexities of a platformer to enjoy the game without taking damage or avoiding enemies.

The rest of the playable characters all play normally. Each can take damage and doesn’t have any special moves to defeat enemies like Yoshi does. 

Which Super Mario Bros. Wonder Character Is Best?

Overall, Yoshi is the strongest and best character in Super Mario Bros. Wonder. With the ability to not take damage and eat your enemies, it’s hard to argue that any other character is better. However, we do recommend for the thrill of defeating enemies, you choose someone like Mario or Peach, who can take damage normally.  

Super Mario Bros. Wonder is available for purchase now on Nintendo Switch. Be sure to check out our guide if you’re looking for the Boost Badge locations!